Talk To The Hand, Because The Face Is Unconscious

S06E11

With the threat of poison gas in the air, Deb has no choice but to alert Homeland Security; also Greene lets them know about the tip he gave Batista, who's still tied up at Doomsday_Adam's apartment. Deb sends Quinn and some other units to Beth's apartment, but not before Colin Hanks then sends Beth on a suicide mission to Miami Metro with the wormwood delivery device, armed with Batista's keycard so she can bypass security and the instructions to take Deb out above all others. However, Deb is out in the field, so Beth sits down to wait; after Quinn shows up just in time to save Batista from a fiery death, Dexter figures out that Beth is Doomsday_Adam's wife just in time to sequester Beth right as she sets off wormwood, so her rather grisly death is completely in vain other than leaving Dexter, who got a mild dose of the gas, somewhat physically vulnerable.

Once Homeland Security takes a cursory look, they conclude Doomsday_Adam and Beth weren't terrorists, so they back off, but Deb is not thrilled with the state of her department, as if she's the only one. Her mood doesn't improve when LaGuerta sells Matthews out, forcing him to bitterly retire, nor when Saint Therapist makes the suggestion that Deb's feelings for Dexter are a bit more, um, complex than she's admitted, eventually asking if she wants to be with Dexter. Deb cans Saint Therapist in response, which is always a convincing way to say no, I find; the subsequent romantic dream she has about him kind of drives that point home.

Dexter learns the final tableau will be the Lake of Fire, which will end in the death of the two Witnesses, and decides to try to lure Colin Hanks out of hiding by constructing his own tableau, with blood poured on a statue of an angel and with EJO's hand to boot, and leaving him a message directing him to the Slice Of Life. In response, Colin Hanks paints Dexter as the devil, just as hilariously as I thought, before heading off to walk into Dexter's trap. Only, as you'd guess, Dexter's physical incapacitation kicks in at the worst possible time, and when he wakes up, Colin Hanks tries to burn him up in a Lake of Fire tableau. As Colin Hanks drives the Slice Of Life off, the rowboat in which he left Dexter explodes – but unbeknownst to him, Dexter escaped just in time. And I should probably be shot for this, given how bad the season has been, but week does actually look pretty good.

Dexter "turns up" to the Ricochet Rabbit, and after Deb "fills him in" on what's going on, Masuka (?), dressed in a hazmat suit, steps off the boat and tells them it's safe, but there are traces of two elements that combine to make poison gas, and if it were to be released in a closed environment, it could kill a lot of people. After a quick look at Holly's corpse (actually, they haven't even gotten her all the way up to the boat, so I guess they've decided for whatever reason that any inspection of her body will yield nothing), they head inside, where Deb dispatches Anderson to inform LaGuerta that they need to alert Homeland Security, and then the rest of them speculate about Doomsday_Adam's death. Dexter gives a summation of what seems to have happened, and the show is so kind as to give us a quick flashback to Dexter killing him, even though that happened right at the end of the last episode and they also INCLUDED THAT SHOT IN THE PREVIOUSLIES NOT ONE MINUTE AGO. Seriously, do people get offended by the show treating them like three-year-olds? I've seen more faith in the viewer from episodes of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?. When Deb pulls off the mask and recognizes Doomsday_Adam, Greene pipes up that he gave Batista a lead about him the day before. Deb wonders where, then, Batista is...

...and we get a quick answer to that question, as Colin Hanks is just, I guess, re-tying Batista's wrists behind his back before diffidently telling him that in the new world order, he'll wish he'd had faith. Batista, however, affirms his belief in God, but Colin Hanks is unimpressed, saying he'd better start praying to Him, and fast. Nice try, Colin Hanks, but it's way too late to wish for this season to be any good. Colin Hanks then gives Beth a pep talk, saying how it's just so great that she's going to be the one to carry out God's will, and how she's going to get to see God's promised kingdom before he does, so you can plainly understand that he's convinced her to walk into Tuscaloosa Metro and set off the wormwood tableau. He shows her how to activate the device, which he's concealed in a backpack, and informs her that it will take only a couple seconds for the two ingredients to mix before giving her Batista's key card and instructing her on how to use it to bypass the security check-in and metal detector. He then smiles at her that it's "the beginning of the end," and I suppose she's too under his thrall to point out that he's only half right in her case.

Deb calls Quinn, who is apparently driving to the Ricochet Rabbit, and tells him about Batista being missing, so Quinn turns around and heads back to Miami. Shockingly, Deb does not trust Quinn to handle this on his own and calls for any area backup to converge at Doomsday_Adam's place. So let's review: Batista told no one other than Quinn's answering machine where he was going, and was missing for an entire day before the intern piped up about where he was. Quinn, for his part, apparently did not make it in to work at all the day before, otherwise he would presumably have missed his partner. Is this how police protocols work?

Beth, carrying what I'm assuming is Colin Hanks's University of Tallahassee backpack (might not want to give the show away there, Colin Hanks), enters Miami Metro and, in full view of a desk full of police, uses Batista's keycard as instructed. Once into the adjoining anteroom, she calls Colin Hanks and reports that she made it, whereupon he instructs her to make sure that she gets Deb, as she's the one leading the "attack against us." When Beth gets upstairs, though, the rather unhelpful desk guy tells her that Deb's out in the field, so Beth tells him she'll wait. Given that she referenced both DDK and wormwood, you'd think he'd at least want to let someone with some authority know about Beth's appearance, but then again, since no one seems to notice whether anyone around here shows up for work or not, I can believe any DDK protocols slipped through the cracks.

Colin Hanks rejoins Batista and informs him that, since wormwood seems to be going off without a hitch, he no longer needs him as insurance, and raises a gun in his direction. However, Batista defers the journey to the other side by asking and receiving permission to pray, and by the time Colin Hanks raises the gun again, he hears the sound of squealing tires outside. When he looks out the window, he sees Quinn heading for him, and retreats in advance of Quinn kicking in the door. Quinn proceeds carefully enough, as seems warranted, so by the time he gets to the bedroom, it's in flames. But given how little time has passed, he has no trouble extinguishing the fire and saving Batista. I'm guessing Batista's gratitude for this might be a little tempered?

On the boat, Masuka gives Deb the info that [Colin Hanks]'s fingerprints were all over the knife used to kill Doomsday_Adam (it's the same one Colin Hanks used to kill Holly). Deb does wonder why Colin Hanks would have killed Doomsday_Adam (Dexter, you'll be surprised to hear, looks shifty in the foreground), but she doesn't spend much time on it, and then Anderson reports that Homeland is putting their regional teams on alert and sending agents to Miami Metro. Quinn then calls Deb to report, and after expressing her relief that Batista is okay, she tells him to order up as many men as he needs to try to capture Colin Hanks. DVO notes that if Dexter hadn't brought the police in, Batista would be dead, and it's nice of Dexter to be aware of that, not that it's likely to affect his future behavior much. Deb then confides in Dexter about Matthews, and Dexter sensibly counsels her to put the whole thing on the back burner until Colin Hanks has been dealt with. Deb, however, tells Dexter her dinner with Matthews is that night, so Dexter suggests that she bring it up, then, but keep an open mind about why he left the scene. "There are worse secrets you can have, Deb." They all then rush off the boat, which has started sinking due to the clunky weight of that line.

When he returns to Miami Metro, Dexter passes Beth, who's still sitting patiently waiting for Deb, and then decides to do a little research on Doomsday_Adam of his own. He also declares his intention to report anything he learns to Deb, which again: Enjoy it while it lasts.

LaGuerta is waiting for Deb when she returns, and isn't thrilled to hear that the search teams are expanding their perimeter, as that probably means Colin Hanks got away. Deb demurs, prompting LaGuerta most hilariously to say that she's not trying to be critical. I mean, her? Never! She explains that Homeland Security will be there within the hour (with Miami being a major port and an immigration hub, I would expect them there earlier than that) and will need a full report. Deb thinks that means she's lost the case as well as Colin Hanks, but LaGuerta, seemingly not devoid of sincerity, tells her however it shakes out, they'll handle it. After she leaves, the desk guy comes in and tells Deb about Beth, and when Deb hears the word "wormwood" she lights up and looks across the office at Beth, who gets to her feet...

...but at this moment, Dexter has found a social media page of Doomsday_Adam's (YouDoom!) showing him with Beth. Making the connection, he rushes out in time to see Deb leading Beth to a conference room, and when Beth surreptitiously switches the device in the bag on, Dexter rushes after her and bowls her into the room just as the gas really starts to discharge. He sends Deb to throw the fire alarm as he holds the door closed; Beth tries to open it while convulsing and coughing up blood, but she expires quickly, at which point Deb grabs Dexter and they get out of there. Understandable yet notable, though, is Dexter's dizziness...

...and then outside, Deb sits with Dexter as an EMT guy explains that the gas attacks the upper respiratory system, so it's possible he could experience nosebleeds and dizziness, especially if he exerts himself physically, so he needs to go to the ER. When the EMT's gone, Deb makes Dexter promise that he'll heed the guy's advice, and you'd think in this case he might actually do that so he doesn't, like, pass out while holding Harrison or something, but Deb takes him at his word, and then asks him how he knew about Beth. Dexter tells her it was just luck, he guesses, although given that he said he was going to tell Deb about anything he found, I'm not sure why he's being secretive here. I suppose that is his default setting, though. Deb, however, gives a heartfelt speech about how he saved a lot of people's lives, including hers, and Dexter, for his part, sounds very sincere in replying that he'd never let anything happen to her. Aw. They hug, and we get a slow-motion, lengthy shot of Deb resting her shoulder on Dexter's, NOT THAT THAT IS SUPPOSED TO SIGNAL ANYTHING.

All right, Dexter is in fact worried about Harrison, so much so that he's sending him away with Jamie, to a room at an out-of-town Ritz, no less. Can I go too? I don't mind recapping kid activities as long as I can to it with a daiquiri by the pool. Jamie reminds Dexter that they have to pick an animal for Harrison to be in some sort of Noah's Ark kids' pageant at the school, and Dexter looks at a painted lion on something of Harrison's, prompting DVO to opine, "King of the Beasts. Something feels right about that." Okay, I'll give him that one. After Jamie leaves, Dexter answers another question by explaining to Harry that he's breaking off from Santa Fe Metro again because Homeland Security will hamstring them, adding that he's worried for Deb's safety too, what with Colin Hanks surely knowing she's his sister. Dexter looks up the and final tableau, which is the Lake of Fire, into which Satan supposedly fell after amassing an army on Earth for war against God and killing his two Witnesses. As Dexter regards the image of Satan, he sees blood drip onto it -- his nose is bleeding from the gas, and he's a little dizzy as well. Harry suggests he go to the ER, but Dexter says he doesn't have time -- he needs to get Colin Hanks to come to him. Well, it's still worrisome that he might become incapacitated at a critical moment, but I suppose the chances of that are too slim even to discuss? Also, since he's not going to set up the tableau until the night, what's stopping him from going to the ER now?

Colin Hanks, sitting in an unknown apartment, idly feeds the cat in attendance before flipping on the TV and learning that Beth's mission failed, like, I'm so glad he relies on the local news to tell him about these things. Colin Hanks talks himself into believing this is part of God's plan, that Beth's sacrifice is sufficient, and says it's all up to him now -- he must pass the test. If only he hadn't killed the man and woman whose place this is, he'd have an audience instead of having to talk to himself.

At dinner, Matthews tries to bring up the call girl case, and Deb studiously attempts not to engage him in discussion of same for a bit, but soon she's forced to come clean about what she's figured out, so Matthews tells her since his wife died, he's been alone for a long time and whatever, you're a cop, try Match.com instead of paying for it, maybe? Anyway, nothing nefarious happened, it was just like they speculated, he tried to revive her but he couldn't get her breathing going, and 911 wouldn't have helped, so he left. Deb admits she doesn't know what to do with this -- she wants to help him, but she's not sure what she can say to the call girl's father. Matthews firmly tells her that she should tell him nothing, as it can't help anyone and will only hurt him, and Deb seems convinced when she says she'll call the guy in the morning. I mean, first thing, right? What a way to start the day!

At Montpelier Metro, as they head in for a briefing, Greene and Masuka take note of some people...cleaning the poison gas off, I guess, and after Masuka tells Greene he'll be needed in Evidence for the few days, a female agent from Homeland Security informs the group that HS will be taking over the investigation for the moment, and if they'll cooperate it will all be over soon. There are many ways I could take an answering joke, one filthier than the , but since these guys really are going to clear out quickly it hardly seems worth it, although it would take my mind off the awful segue to EJO's severed hand that DVO puts us through.

Quinn, who looks like hell, catches Batista and tries to apologize, but although he sounds sincere, Batista tells him that he's grateful, but their partnership needs trust, and he violated that. Seriously, do these two always sound like quarreling boyfriends or what? Except for the fact that if they were actual boyfriends, I might give half a shit.

Saint Therapist asks Deb how she's doing, and Deb brings up her worry about Dexter. Saint Therapist notes that Dexter holds a very important place in her life, and Deb affirms that she doesn't know what her life would be like without him. Saint Therapist wonders if Deb's feelings for Dexter are the reason she's chosen unsuitable men in the past, and Deb lets the full implications of that sink in before answering, in a much colder tone than before, "He's my brother." Saint Therapist notes that they're not biologically related, and says it would be understandable, given everything they've shared, for her to have developed complex feelings for him. This is as close as they've gotten to some actual insight into uncomfortable subjects, so of course Deb gets defensive and flustered and says that it sounds like Saint Therapist is implying that she wants to be with him. Saint Therapist: "Well do you?" I love this woman. And I remember one of the first things my therapist said to me was that there would be times when I would get angry with him, and that would be okay. The point is, you do not get up and storm out when that happens, as Deb does here, although it's hardly unexpected. Oh, Deb. You were doing so well!

DVO declares Dexter's intention to get the EJO hand out of the morgue so he can stage his own tableau when Greene finds him and thanks him for his honesty about the video game. Dexter rather clearly could not give a shit about Greene, which is sad, but Greene also fails to take a hint in blathering on that he's realized he needs not to be on the sidelines anymore, whatever that may mean. When Dexter gets on the elevator, though, Greene is nice enough to say that he hopes Dexter is feeling better, so it would make me happy if Dexter started treating him like a life form higher than, say, lichen.

Cut to Greene in his apartment that night tracing some lines on the Ice Truck Killer hand (no idea what that's about, but I'm sure it will become clear), packing it up in a box, and writing Dexter's name on it. Not sure what that's about either, but we already knew Greene was a weirdo.

Dexter arrives in the courtyard of, we'll learn, Colin Hanks's museum with a statue of an angel atop a fountain. With a plastic bag holding EJO's hand dangling from his mouth (ew), he climbs up (and given that a golf cart with some security just drove by, I'm sure it's a reliable time for him to pull this off uninterrupted, particularly since he's nailing shit into the statue)...

...and fade to the morning, where the angel is now covered with a blood-like substance, the numerical mark of the Devil written on her forehead and EJO's hand nailed into her chest. I'm no expert on religion, Dexter, but that one's going to get you in trouble upstairs. The St. Paul Metro team is on hand, and DVO gloats that the hand will decompose quickly now that it's in the sun. I know it's been on ice, but still, is the medical team not going to be able to judge nearly how old the hand is? Even if they don't know it's three years old, even a few months would be enough to signal that they've been going about this all wrong. Regardless, when Masuka descends the ladder with the news that the hand belongs to EJO (he can do a DNA test on the fly, apparently), everyone blames Colin Hanks, which I suppose is reasonable given that they also think he killed Doomsday_Adam, and Batista supposes that Colin Hanks is so crazy that he's gone off book as far as the tableaus go. Deb suggests they try to turn up the rest of EJO's body, and DVO smugly says that's not likely, as he left EJO in pieces in the swamp. Seriously, the way Dexter gloats at his constant impeding of his co-workers' job is not a particularly attractive quality. Dexter sees the press and some gawkers gathering, and DVO says now all Colin Hanks needs to know is where to go...

...and then Colin Hanks's painting is interrupted by, once again, the TV, but the part that's great is where the reporter cautions the viewer that the images are very graphic with the bloody angel in the background. Gotta love the local news. Colin Hanks is all "No. NO!" about Dexter's tableau when, if you think about it, it affects him not one bit, but then Colin Hanks gets a video message from Dexter intoning for the Witness to mark this day, as the end is not upon the world but upon him. In the background, you can see the Slice Of Life, name clearly visible, of which Colin Hanks duly takes note. He then looks at the painting of Satan, and, as very dramatic music plays, he hops on the ladder and gets to work, and when he's done, we see he's put Dexter's visage atop Satan's body. And the music can tell me this is creepy and disturbing all it wants -- I can't hear it anyway over my own laughter. HA HA HA HA HA! The Dexmaster! The Prince Of Dexness! Hilarious.

By Couch Baron

Deb returns to her office to find Matthews, who bitterly chews her out -- the Chief found out about the call girl, and he's being asked to retire. Deb points out that she was at a crime scene all day, but Matthews blames her anyway for refusing to drop the case, and adds that her father would be so disappointed in her. Well, why not ask him? Based on his appearances, he isn't exactly busy. Deb, however, is not so fragile as she used to be, recent firings of her therapist notwithstanding, and replies, "So would your late wife." Face! She may be in love with her brother, Matthews, but that didn't stop her from schooling you. However, Matthews has the last word, saying that he was the only person who "could protect her from a job that you're clearly not ready for," and that's gonna leave a mark, given how obviously Deb believes it too. Seconds after he's gone, Quinn and Batista enter in response to Deb's earlier summons, and she informs them that Homeland Security has concluded that the Doomsday_Adam and Beth weren't terrorists, so while they want to be kept in the loop, Duluth Metro is free to take the DDK case back. Batista thinks that's good news, but Deb isn't done as she lays into both of them for what happened at Doomsday_Adam's apartment, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought Batista going in alone was inexcusable. Quinn takes the blame, but while Deb's aware of that, thanks, her point is that they have two days before Colin Hanks is supposed to end the world, so she needs them not to fuck things up again. What are the chances?

Near the Slice Of Life, Colin Hanks has his No Dessert Face on as he gets out of his car, and then he's considerately walking right into Dexter's trap, only OF COURSE Dexter's nose starts bleeding at this very moment. His vision blurs, and instead of maybe WAITING A MOMENT TO SEE IF IT CLEARS UP he stands up and clumsily makes a noise that gets Colin Hanks's attention. He still recovers quickly enough to knock Colin Hanks's gun away and tackle him, but another wave of dizziness hits him, and before you know it, Colin Hanks has injected Dexter with his own hypo. The last thing Dexter sees before fading into unconsciousness is Colin Hanks standing over him...

...and then we cut to an overhead view of Dexter coming to in a small rowboat filled with gasoline and explosives. Sitting up, he sees Colin Hanks on the Slice Of Life dumping more gasoline into the water, and Colin Hanks tells him this was how it was always meant to be -- he'll wait on a pillar of light for God's return, while Dexter will burn in hell forever. No offense, Colin Hanks, but I think Dexter would like a second opinion. He'll have to wait on that, though, as Colin Hanks tosses a flare into the gasoline-coated water, and a ring of fire quickly encircles Dexter's little boat. Dexter tries to free his hands, although from here it seems like they're merely tied together rather than to anything, so he could make a swim for it, however difficult that might be. And indeed, although the explosives on the boat detonate a few moments later, Dexter is not on it, but swimming underwater, with his hands free to boot. I guess there's something Colin Hanks isn't great at other than sanity. Dexter surfaces safely outside the ring, and DVO wonders how he got so lost. Well, having seen the previouslies for week, I'm thinking this is nothing.

John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. Believe it or not, he's worked with Michael C. Hall, as well as Lucy Liu and Peter Fonda, on his film "The Trouble With Bliss," (formerly "East Fifth Bliss") which will be in theaters in March 2012 and about which you can get information here.

Also, he writes about film and television on his blog "Pull Up A Chair," which he would just love for you to visit. And you can follow him on Twitter here.

By Couch Baron

Also, he writes about film and television on his blog "Pull Up A Chair," which he would just love for you to visit. And you can follow him on Twitter here.