Robin Gallagher is a hot (ex) stripper who turns every male on Wisteria Lane into a pervert and every wife into a threatened, defensive bitch. On the bright side, she takes the edge off of Katherine… more on that later.
Through a series of spotlights on each wife, we learned more about Robin and tiny bit about each wife's current dilemma.
"Lynette and The Stripper": After Lynnette confronts Robin for taking showers with the blinds open, she finds out that Parker tried to pay Robin to have sex with him. Tom and Lynette give Parker a sort-of stern talking to, then get into a temporary fight about how women only have sex if they're "paid in some way." It ends in them having sex, Lynette apologizing to Robin, and Robin asking Lynnette to draw the blinds when she and Tom do it.
"Bree and The Stripper": Robin asks Bree to teach her how to bake a cake, which quickly turns into Robin giving sex advice to Bree about Orson. Bree then tries to seduce Orson with a striptease but fails because of her clumsiness and his confusion. Orson figured that their days of intimacy were over, but Bree assures him that she wants to work on having a sexual relationship again.
"Gaby and The Stripper": Gaby and Carlos are set on breaking up Ana and Danny after learning that the Bolen family has a dark past. Gaby pulls some strings and gets Ana an agent in New York City, but Ana says she wants to finish high school first, and then move out there with Danny. Gaby is disappointed, drinks with Susan, and learns that Robin once put her dreams on hold for a boy and lost her chance at a successful career as a ballerina. Gaby asks Robin to tell Ana her sob story, and it actually works. Ana moves to New York and Carlos and Gaby are thrilled. When Robin learns that Gaby basically used her to break up the teens, Robin tells Danny about Gaby's actions. We then see Danny get in a taxi with luggage, which must mean he's flying out to New York to get Ana back.
"Susan and The Stripper": Mike has back pains, and luckily, Robin is really good at cracking backs. In order to cure his pains most effectively, Robin must be dressed scantly clad and in sexually compromising positions. Susan is obviously upset, but instead of telling her husband she feels threatened, she says that she wants to help Mike with his back pains. Cut to Mike in the hospital with a neck brace. In the hospital, Susan admits to Robin that she's in over her head and doesn't feel comfortable living with a stripper. Robin says she doesn't like how people think she's a stripping slut. The two women make amends and Robin says she'll move out in order to save their friendship.
"Katherine and The Stripper": Robin moves in with Katherine. Robin tells Katherine she had a bad childhood, and Katherine tells Robin about living in a mental institution. The ladies go out drinking and two creeps hit on Robin but ignore Katherine. Robin is pissed and kisses Katherine in order to make the guys feel hornier, or something. They leave the bar, go home to drink more, and Robin reveals that she's a lesbian. Katherine says she isn't interested in women, and Robin hopes this doesn't affect their living situation.
"Robin": No longer "The Stripper," Robin feels like she's found her rhythm in the neighborhood because the women on Wisteria Lane have really gotten to know her. Also, as it turns out, Katherine is a lesbian now apparently. - Rachel Stein
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val & Beth think DH is too over-the-top!
Previously: Katherine got out of the nuthouse. Bree wanted things to work out with Orson. Gaby and Carlos realized the Bolens were up to something. And Susan adopted a stripper. Now, it's time for Robin the Stripper's big debut in the neighborhood, so she's of course putting on her reddest stripper-red lipstick outside Susan's. As she walks down the street, Mary Alice Voices Over that everyone wants to look at Robin Gallagher. We get to see men and boys (Parker!) of all ages gawk as she walks to Gaby's, where Roy gawks. Susan brought Robin to Gaby's party as her plus-one, since Mike had to work. All the guys -- Tom, Carlos, and Orson -- welcome Katherine back to the Lane. Until they abandon her to greet Robin. Which they do, eagerly and all smiles. Lynette, Bree, and Gaby pull Susan aside to lecture her about bringing such a hottie in, and Susan tells them she's unemployed now, since Susan told her to quit her job as a stripper. They don't want the guys to know she's a stripper, but they turn and realize she's already spilled that. MAVO says everyone liked to look at Robin (the guys), but not everyone liked what they saw (the ladies). Title card.
Later, in the kitchen, all the ladies are lecturing Susan some more. Susan says they're not even taking the time to get to know her, and Gaby replies, "Our husbands are in there pooling their dollar bills. What more do we need to know?" To be fair to Robin, that's really more of a husband problem than a stripper problem. Just then, Katherine comes in and says she met Robin, who seems great. Bree asks if she mentioned she was a stripper, and Katherine duhs, "Did she have to?" Susan says she's trying to help her get back on her feet, and if anyone should be worried, it should be her, since she's living in her house. And she's not worried. Katherine thinks they should give her a chance, and Bree agrees, since she's probably had a hard life. Lynette doesn't want a stripper door, since she has teenage boys at home.
That leads it to "Lynette and The Stripper," the first of our five mini-shows this week. It starts with three goofy teenagers showing up to "pick Parker up from school," but they almost trample Lynette running upstairs. Then Lynette and Tom bicker about who's going to fold the laundry, but it was really his way of showing her the ring he got her at an antique store. She's so happy she offers to have sex with him tonight, but Tom thinks they should just do it after the boys leave for school. Which reminds Lynette: Why haven't those boys left yet? She's dumber than us, apparently, because we all know that Lynette will find them peeping at Robin upstairs. Which she does, and they're even using binoculars. Oh, and Robin's showering! Gasp! Lynette, outraged, shows up at Susan's to snottily ask Robin not to take a shower without closing her blinds, since she has a 16-year-old son. Robin says "Oh no," but then laughs, "At least they didn't have to pay a cover charge, right?" Lynette doesn't see the humor in it, and tells Robin how nice this neighborhood is (frequent murder is the neighborhood's biggest problem), and that she has a responsibility to her neighbors, especially the ones with "innocent children." Oh, brother. Robin can't help telling Lynette, at this point, that Parker asked her to have sex with him. Lynette's horrified, "Parker? My Parker? Red hair, still sleeps in a bed shaped like a race car?" Robin says she said no, of course, but then he offered her cash.
Later, Parker comes home from school, and Tom offers him a seat at the dining room table. [Did he skip work? - Zach] Lynette says she was hoping it would be another year before they had to have the conversation where they told him not to offer the neighbor money for sex. Parker: "Oh crap! She told?" Tom says, yeah, he should pick a more discreet stripper time. Lynette and Tom think they raised Parker better than that, and she asks him what he has to say for himself. Parker: "I just really, really, really needed to have sex." Tom: "Three reallies? Well, here's a twenty. Go back and try again." Ha. Lynette slaps the twenty away, and tells Parker they understand he's 16, and his hormones are out of control, but why would he think he has to pay for sex. This is where it turns so very after-school special, when Parker admits he's the only one of his friends who hasn't had sex, but Lynette begs to differ, calling his friends "Pimples, Braces, and Beam-Me-Up-Scotty." Parker says it's never going to happen for him, because girls don't look at him that way. Tom tags in for Lynette and tells Parker to knock it off, because he'll meet the right girl in a few years and have tons of sex -- "after you're married." Parker says okay and apologizes.
After Parker's gone, Tom asks Lynette if she thinks Parker bought it, and she's like, "What?" He tells her guys always pay for sex in some way: dinners, flowers, antique rings. Lynette asks if he thinks that's the only reason they're having sex tonight, and Tom says, "Of course not. It's our anniversary. It's a given. Like turkey on Thanksgiving." But he is hoping the ring gives him an upgrade from missionary. Lynette tells him to forget about upgrades, because he just got bumped off the flight. Tom's like, "Are we really not going to have sex tonight?" She tells him not to worry: In a few years, when he's emotionally ready, he's going to have lots of sex. Later, in bed, he rubs her arm and asks if she really likes that ring. She continues to read and says, "Yep!" He asks if she read the inscription, but she interrupts and says they're not having sex, because she's still upset by what he said. She asks if he really thinks women only sleep with men because they buy them things, and he replies, "No. I think supermodels sleep with 80-year-old millionaires because they love to hear stories about when bread was five cents a loaf." She points out she's not a model and he's not a millionaire. Then he reminds her that he took her on two cheap dates followed by one expensive one and "Bam! You put out!" Lynette glares. "You made love." She tells him it wasn't the expensive dinner, but that he showed up with a light bulb to replace the one that had burned out in her hallway that did it for her. She would have done it right there. He's like, "That's all it takes? Showing you I care? 'Cause that's easy." And she tells him it's time for his present as they start kissing.
The day, Lynette finds Robin and asks her if she remembers how she told her it was a nice neighborhood. Well, she forgot to tell her about this one bitch. That would be Lynette. Robin says she understands that an ex-stripper moving in will freak some people out. Lynette says no, she's really sorry. Robin accepts the apology, and then asks Lynette to please draw the drapes time she's giving it to her husband with the lights on. Lynette looks worried until Robin winks, and then Lynette laughs. Awww, she's totally the proverbial stripper with a heart of gold, isn't she?
I guess we'll see with the tale: "Bree and The Stripper." It starts with Bree and Orson, though. She's getting him all situated in his hospital-style bed off their living room. They make small talk about their days. She has a bar mitzvah. He has physical therapy and Roy is taking him to the park. Then it gets a little awkward as they look at each other with a little longing. They start to speak at once, and then say goodnight. Sad music is supposed to make us realize this is a touching moment, but it's Bree and Orson, so it's hard to feel much knowing they'll be crazy again in a week. The day (presumably), Robin comes in to Bree's catering kitchen for some cooking advice: She wants to bake Mike and Susan a cake, but she knows absolutely nothing about baking. All she knows about cake is how to hide in one. Bree offers to teach her how to make one, so Robin hugs her and says she rocks. There's a weird thing about Robin making Bree her new phone screensaver, and then they skip ahead to a finished cake. It's raspberry mocha, Orson's favorite. Robin tells Bree that Orson seems nice, and it must be tough with him in a wheelchair, but she's heard you can get through anything if you have a solid marriage. Bree's like, "Yes, well..." Robin apologizes for prying, but then pries. She passes her grandmother's wisdom to Bree: If you want to save your marriage there's only one room to do it in. Bree says it's not about sex, though; it's about closeness, intimacy. Robin tells her sex is how men get intimate, but Bree's not sure he's capable. Robin says it doesn't matter; he just needs to be close and feel and see Bree, who's convinced.
Bree arrives home post-bar mitzvah. She and Orson make small talk about their days: He's been reading. She was... at the bar mitzvah. Bree loves the Tchaikovsky that's playing, and Orson agrees it's moving and sensual. So Bree takes off her scarf seductively and then her coat. Orson wonders if she doesn't want to do that upstairs, "you know, near the hamper." But Bree starts writhing and dancing all crazy, and Orson asks why she's walking like that. Bree: "What do you think?" Orson: "I'm not sure? You're trying to make me feel better about being paralyzed?" She tells him to guess again, "big boy," and climbs on his lap and moves around. He tells her if she's having a stroke they'll make quite the team. Finally, Bree feigns being too hot and takes her shirt off. But she gets her earring caught and Orson finally gets up to help her, but he runs over her toes and she falls over. She tells him to forget it; this was stupid. He asks what it was, and she says it was a lap dance. He had no idea. She says she was trying to arouse him, and he says he's interested, but after the accident, he didn't think she'd ever consider it. She says things will be awkward, but they can work on it, and she wants to share his bed again. They've certainly moved on from the affair with dead Karl, haven't they? He calls her over, and she sits on his lap and asks if it's all right. He turns Tchaikovsky back on and says it's all right. Again... I prefer them being the comic relief because it's hard to care about a relationship that's been so insane for so long.
"Susan and The Stripper." Susan's. Mike arrives home to the dinner Susan's preparing, which means she's unwrapping takeout and putting it on a plate. Mike winces about his hurt back, so Susan says she'll call the chiropractor the day. But Robin says that won't be necessary since she can't fix it. She has all sorts of experience from the women throwing their backs out at Double D's. [Because of the stripper pole, not because of the weight of their double-Ds. - Z] Useful stripper skills! She cranks on him, and Mike feels so much better. Robin says it's the least she can do after all they've done for her and gives him a big hug. Susan looks on happy, and then seems a little less happy at the length of the hug. But that's nothing compared to what she comes in on the day: Robin's walking all over Mike's back. I know that sounds innocent, but she's totally wearing a skimpy gym suit while doing it. Susan's obviously bothered, but because this is television, neither Robin nor Mike realizes it. Robin explains this how the Buddhist monks fix back pains. Susan pretends to be okay with it and says she'll go make dinner.
While she "cooks" (in the microwave), Susan tries to talk about her day and ignore the "How does that feel?" and "Give me all you got" talking coming from the room. Then it steps up to "You're the boss" and "I'm going to grab it and pull." Susan tells them about a friend's diarrhea as Mike says, "Oh yes! Oh yes!" Susan runs in and finds Mike with one leg over his head and Robin laying down, pushing it there. Mike tells Susan this is incredible, and those monks really knew what they were doing. Susan practically cries, but hides it well enough for the idiots not to realize she's upset. day, Susan's leaving to help the homeless with her school when Mike's getting home. He repiped an entire house and his back hurts, but he says he'll just have Robin crack his back when she gets home. So Susan decides to stay home and help him. Her logic: The homeless have been hungry this long; what's a little longer? Susan wants to take a shot at Mike's back, which he points out is his spine. But she says Robin didn't exactly go to medical school. So she mimics what Robin did and winds up injuring him. Cut to the hospital. Mike's in a neck brace and Susan's trying to pass the blame to him for moving when she counted to three. He tells her to just go.
In the hall, Robin arrives with MJ. Susan sends MJ in, and Robin asks why she didn't wait for her to take care of Mike's back. Susan says she really didn't want Robin to do it, but Robin doesn't understand. Susan says she's trying to be cool, but it was hard for her to see Robin all over Mike wearing to nothing. She asks how she was supposed to react, since Robin used to be a stripper. Robin says yes, she was a stripper, but Susan was the only one who didn't treat her like one -- until now. She apologizes if she crossed a line with Mike, but after working in the club, she doesn't know where the line is. Robin says she should maybe move out, because she wants them to be friends for a very long time. Mike screams in pain in the room, and MJ comes out and says "Daddy needs help making the bed go back down!" Heh. He's his mother's son.
Finally, it's "Katherine and The Stripper." Robin delivers Katherine's mail and talks to Katherine like she's an idiot, so Katherine takes it she heard about her "little vacation" at the nuthouse. Robin did hear, and wonders how Katherine is. Katherine says it's been hard, what with people judging her and all. Robin says to hell with them, and then says she's looking for a room to rent if Katherine's lonely. She adds that no one judges the woman from the loony bin when there's a stripper door. Or, you know, in the same house. Katherine laughs. And we cut ahead again to Robin moving in. Robin wants to go out and celebrate their new roomie status, but Katherine's not ready for that. Robin gets it and asks what it's like to be in a mental hospital. She says she asks because her mom used her as a punching bag when she was drunk (which is how she coped with her dad cheating on her), and Robin dreamed about having her committed. Katherine, somehow touched by the obviously made-up story (which I think we're supposed to believe, too, sadly), tells Robin how bad the mental institution is: She could take the screaming, because that meant people are alive, but she hated the blank stares. Katherine decides they do deserve a night drinking.
At the bar, Katherine wants to know what it's like to be a stripper. Robin, "If I had a dollar for every guy who slapped me on the ass just because he felt like it... Come to think of it, I do." An average-looking guy interrupts, and invites them to sit with him and his friend. Robin declines, but he shows them where he's sitting if they change their minds. Katherine, desperate for the attention of a male after Mike-Gate, wants to go, and Robin's willing to play wingman. At the table, both guys are totally obsessed with Robin, ignoring Katherine, even though Robin keeps deflecting the attention to Katherine. It's really ugly and annoying, and I hope that people don't actually do that. Robin excuses herself, and the guys say they haven't even danced yet. Robin doesn't feel like dancing, but won't speak for Katherine. One of the guys actually says OUT LOUD that they only want to dance with Robin. She asks if they're not attracted to someone who's classy, witty, not to mention breathtakingly beautiful. They say Robin's more their type, so Robin says she'll keep Katherine all to herself, then. She kisses her, and then pulls her away as the men's jaws hit the floor.
Back at Katherine's, the ladies giggle about the looks on those guys' faces. Robin thinks it was the perfect combo of "I'm so turned on" and "I'm so going home alone." Katherine says those two pigs confirmed that it's time for her to give up on men, and her dating days are over. Robin thinks maybe she should just do what she did, and explore other options. Katherine's puzzled, so Robin tries "cast a wider net," then "expand the pool," before Katherine finally gets it with "date chicks." Katherine thought the kiss was awfully convincing. Robin says she dated guys for a long time and never felt a connection, then realized, when she was around all of the confident, sexy strippers (confident? Really? That wouldn't have been my guess), that she'd been barking up the wrong tree. Katherine says she has the right tree, but is sick of barking. Robin tells her to suit herself and then asks if this is going to affect anything with them. Katherine doesn't see why it would, but we can see from her panicked face that she thinks it will.
Now it's just "Robin," as she bumps in to Mrs. McCluskey on the street. Mrs. McC wants to make sure no one's giving Robin any guff about being a stripper, and says she used to model women's garments for Sears. "These breasts put me through college. They're real by the way." Robin: "They look real." Mrs. McC is happy people are being nice, and Robin says what's nice is people actually see her. She spent years with people looking at her, but no one really saw her. She says that Mrs. McC's neighbors see past all the stuff people usually look at. MAVO picks up that Robin was right: The people she'd met on Wisteria Lane had really looked at her. And they'd seen her sense of morality (as she walks by Gaby, out sweeping her porch), her loyal heart (Susan, checking her mail), her surprising insight (Bree, screwing a light bulb into a walkway lamp), her forgiving nature (Lynette, taking out the recycling). "Some people had even taken notice of her incredible beauty." She shows up at Katherine's, and they smile at each other as Robin heads inside. MAVO: "And they were surprised to discover they liked what they saw." Final close-up of a smiling Katherine. I like where this is heading. And I like that they've extended Julie Benz's stay on Wisteria. Maybe she can be the new housewife.
week: Lynette and Tom have trouble with Penny this week, because they forgot her birthday. Gaby moves in with Tom and Lee while her kids have chicken pox. Katherine and Robin get all sexy together. And Roy kisses Susan, who looks like a total plastic surgery patient. Marcia Cross's face used to bother me so much, but now Teri Hatcher's does. It is me, or are their faces in a constant state of flux?
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val & Beth think DH is too over-the-top!
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, wonders what very special lesson I would learn in "DeAnn and The Stripper." You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.