Bob and Lee have Tom and Lynette over for a dinner party (though, is it actually a dinner party if it's only two couples? Isn't that just dinner, not so much a party?), and casually mention their therapy sessions, causing Tom to just as casually tell Lynette he thinks they could stand for some. She not so casually says therapy is for sissies, and, um, no, she's not one. Tom starts going anyway, though, and keeps a journal about the baby dying, but also about Lynette. She eventually goes to his therapist's office to defend herself, because she's not always a total bitch. But she ends up in therapy herself, and keeping her own feelings journal. And with Frasier's Jane Leeves in the tiny role of therapist, I'm thinking this storyline's not over yet.
Speaking of therapy, Katherine's seeing her own shrink in whatever mental institution she's living in. She cries and faces reality, which basically sucks because she now knows all the things she did wrong to everyone else without that oh-so-glorious thing called la-la land she was living in before. Mrs. McCluskey pays her a visit and asks her to come home, but Katherine can't face the people she's wronged (Bree, Susan, and Mike, mostly), so Mrs. McC brings them to Katherine. Even Susan, who greets her sweetly despite the fact that Katherine was trying to ruin her marriage and her life.
Speaking of ruined lives, Bree and Orson, the poster children for ruining each other's, are still not getting along. He's still treating her like a servant, and she's still begrudgingly doing whatever he asks, even though he won't shower or say please. Eventually, though, she gets fed up and puts a plate of waffles out of his reach when he won't say please. He tells his physical therapist on her, and the physical therapist lectures Bree that she has to be patient with Orson or else she'll have to report her to the proper authorities. It doesn't really help, though, because Orson still won't shower. When he doesn't want Bree to open the door to air out his stench, he calls her a whore, prompting her to wheel him outside and hose him down until he begs her to please stop. She does, and then he tells her how emasculating it is that he has to ask her for everything forever, when he'd really just like to get his ass up and make a cup of tea. She feels bad, and asks his forgiveness. Let's hope they can keep up this liking each other for more than one episode.
Elsewhere, Susan and Gaby, now that their kids are in the same school, are competing over whose child is the smartest. It's very ugly and petty, mostly on Susan's part, but what we learn is that Juanita's better at math, and Susan and Gaby love each other. Until they broach the subject of reading, which is leading nowhere good when the episode ends. And Danny's officially dating Ana now, which Angie doesn't like. She tells Ana as much, and asks her not to break his heart. Ana's not making any guarantees or anything, and basically tells Angie to shove it.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val & Beth think DH is too over-the-top.
Previously: Juanita got into the same private school that MJ goes to (and where Susan works). Danny decided he liked Ana. Bree begged Orson to help her get into heaven. Katherine went nuts and was committed. Tom and Lynette lost a baby, but she wouldn't talk to him about it. Mary Alice Voiceover tells us how to host a dinner party, as Bob and Lee prepare for one: Polish the good silver, keep the music at a low volume, serve the wine the guests bring, and make a toast. Tom and Lynette show up with wine, and then Tom toasts Bob and Lee for the dinner, but Lee says it's not over yet. It's time for his so-sweet-it'll-kill-you fruit tart (my favorite kind). Bob forgot to buy whipped cream, so Bob and Lee bicker about that and then about their jobs. Lee gets out a book to write, and they explain to Tom and Lynette that it's his feelings journal from therapy, where they write down negative feelings. Bob says Lee wrote an entire chapter about him forgetting to put down the toilet seat. Lynette thought that would be an advantage of two guys living together. Bob: "You'd think." Lee keeps writing. Tom tells Lynette they should think about seeing someone, but she'd rather talk about it later. Only Tom says she won't, because she never does. Lynette: "You know how I feel about therapy. It's for weak, indulgent..." Then she remembers where she is, and finishes "... straight people. You guys totally make it work." She tells Tom to drop it, and MAVO finishes that the number one rule of a successful dinner party: "Keep discussion of your marriage to an absolute minimum." Opening titles.
MAVO introduces us to the Fairview Health Center's psychologist, who spends his days treating everyone: antisocial adolescents, delusional dowagers, and bipolar businessmen. But lately his most interesting patient was a housewife who had a nervous breakdown. Of course, it's Katherine, who explains to the therapist how lonely she was before Mike came along and made her laugh and gave her hope again. So when he turned out to be in love with someone else, she went back to being lonely, but worse because he and Susan lived right across the street. So one day she pretended that it wasn't Susan's hand he was holding, but hers. Her therapist asks if that's how the fantasies started. Katherine cries as she says she'd let herself imagine he was there when she was hurting, but then she let those moments take over because she preferred them to reality. Therapist asks if the medication's helping, and she says she has a firmer grasp on reality and can see things clearly for the first time in a long while. The therapist thinks it's great, but Katherine says not really, because now she can see that she's ruined her life. Dana Delany is great in this scene, with just the right amount of crying without going over the top into sentimentality.
Hodge home. Bree tells Orson it's time for her to give him a bath, but he's watching what sounds like a western, so is having none of it. He says not now, but she pushes, since he hasn't bathed in over a week and is getting a little ripe. He says having another person bathe him is humiliating, so he's not doing it. (Why can't they get one of those shower chairs like my grandma used to have, and then he won't need her to bathe him?) He gives her a list of things he needs from the store. He says it's urgent, and she asks how Corn Nuts are urgent. He says he's sorry; he just thought she'd want to play a small part in making his life tolerable since she played a huge part in putting him in the chair. She takes the list.
Oak Ridge Elementary. Gaby finds Susan surrounded by glue and construction paper, and says, "Hi, Teach." They're happy to see each other until conversation turns to math levels, where the school apparently places the kids with others according to their level but designated by animals: leopards, giraffes, chipmunks. Gaby looks in Juanita's folder and says she's a leopard. Susan gives her a sympathetic "oh," and gloats that MJ's a giraffe. Gaby asks which one is advanced, as if there was any question after Susan's reaction. Susan says no one knows, because they won't tell parents, who they think will get all competitive and crazy. Gaby and Susan pretend that's ridiculous. Then Gaby asks if leopards are the morons, and Susan says she didn't say that, but Gaby points out that she kind of did. Susan acts stupid, but ultimately says she teaches the kids and it's pretty obvious. She shows Gaby three papier mache globes made by a giraffe (it's awesome), a chipmunk (it's decent), and a leopard (as Gaby says, "It looks like an actual leopard makes it.") Then again, papier mache and math? Not exactly the same thing, so I wouldn't go jumping to conclusions based on that. Susan says there's nothing wrong with being a leopard, that they move cafeteria tables and are excellent door holders. Gaby says it's not fair, so Susan says the saying here is, "It's the pace, not the race." If this is at all realistic (which I doubt), I would encourage no one to send their children to private school. Gaby says she knows Juanita's all giraffe, and is going to talk to the principal.
Tom's writing when Lynette kisses him on the neck, surprising him. She tells him dinner's ready and then asks what he's writing. He says it's personal and he thinks it's important they respect each other's boundaries. Lynette: "This morning you walked in and sat on the toilet while I shaved my legs. We have no boundaries." Tom starts writing, and Lynette figures out it's a feelings journal. He says he started seeing their therapist, but didn't tell her because he wanted to talk someone but didn't need the ridicule. She asks if it's about the baby, and he says it was, but they're on to other things. She asks if it's about her, and he says he mentioned her once or twice. But she thinks if they made it a drinking game for every time we see the name Lynette, we'd be hammered by Page 2. I wouldn't encourage her to drink while pregnant, but that sounds like a fun game. She tries to take the feelings journal, and he won't let her but says if she wants to know what's in there, she can join him in therapy. Lynette: "Like hell."
Bolens. Angie serves a delicious-looking rigatoni to Ana and Danny. She says it's a traditional Italian meal for Ana's first night over. Ana says salad would be great, since she doesn't eat carbs. Angie's not loving that, since the salad's from a bag and the rigatoni came from her heart. Danny asks Angie to let it go, since she's watching her weight, and Ana adds she has to be careful so she can go to New York to be a model after high school. Angie asks what about college, and Ana says, "Are you kidding?" She'd never pass up her prime modeling years. Danny thinks it's great to have the guts to follow your dream. Angie agrees it's great, but thinks it would be nice to have something other than the porn industry to fall back on. Ana and Danny look tense, and then Ana says she's really passionate about it, which is why she's telling Danny to pursue his poetry. Angie knows nothing about his poetry, and you can tell she's hurt he's never shared it with her. Ana wants Danny to come to New York with her and focus on his writing. Angie: "Wow. A model and a poet. So, while you're making porn, he can make the dialogue rhyme." Danny says this is why he doesn't tell her stuff, and then he turns down her rigatoni because of the carbs, too.
Hodges. Bree gives Orson waffles and says he'll have to let the physical therapist in today, since she'll be out running errands. He scoffs at the waffles since there are no strawberries, so she gives him some. But he also needs whipped cream. She takes the plate and berries, and mixes it all up nicely. But before giving the yummy-looking strawberry waffles to him, she tells him to say please, because she's happy to do whatever he asks but she won't be treated like a slave. He refuses, so she takes a bite and tells him how good it is. He tells her he'll shove the fork up her ass if she doesn't give them to her. She puts them on a too-high shelf and leaves.
Oak Ridge Elementary. Gaby's grilling Principal Hobson, but he says she knows the policy is not to tell parents what the groups mean. She asks him to blink when she mentions the group, then says leopard. He says this irrational behavior is why they don't tell parents. Gaby: "What is the big deal? I just need to know if my daughter's going to succeed in life." Hobson: "She's seven." (Someone telling a parent their child is seven is a recurring theme on shows I recap this week, apparently.) He tells her to stop prying and be proud of her no matter what. Gaby says she is, and that she doesn't pry. Then she finds Juanita with some new friends in the hall. The girls just happen to be a chipmunk and a giraffe, so Gaby asks to take their picture. She asks them to hold up their math homework while she takes it, and she really only takes a picture of the math. She says she has the picture, and one girl says she wasn't smiling. Gaby: "Yeah, well, it's a tough world out there. Not much to smile about." She leaves, and the girl tells Juanita her mom's weird, to which Juanita replies, "You have no idea." Hee.
Hodges. Orson hears the doorbell ring, and a light bulb goes off above his head. The physical therapist lets herself in, and he's on the floor calling for her help. She's concerned, of course, and he tells her he was trying to get the waffles when he fell out of his chair. She asks what they were doing up there, and then we cut to Bree responding to the physical therapist's later accusations: "Starving him?! That's ridiculous!" Bree tells her she would have had to be there for the waffles-on-the-shelf incident. Orson meekly says, "Could someone please get me a piece of bread?" Bree yells at him, and he says, "Please hit me in the leg this time. There's no feeling there." The physical therapist asks to speak to Bree privately. Bree says she would never hit him, and the therapist believes her but says withholding food is a problem. Bree says he wouldn't say please, and has been impossible lately. Physical therapist says he's facing life in a wheelchair, so she's going to have to learn to be more patient or the physical therapist is going to report it. Then she tells Bree to give him a bath, since physical therapy shouldn't require gloves.
Angie delivers a package to Bob and Lee that was left at her place. They see Danny and Ana walk by, and Angie says that relationship's not going to last long, since she doesn't approve. Lee says anything she does will drive Danny away from Angie, and toward Ana. Then: "Look, I know what it's like when a mom hates the hottie her son loves. Bob's mom hated me." Angie, "Huh. I always thought that Bob..." But Lee interrupts that the point is that she asked him to choose, and look at them now: Lee's cuddling with Bob every night, and Mom's in a nursing home. Angie says she doesn't know Ana, and Lee says she better get to know her if she doesn't want to lose her son.
Casa de Solis. Carlos is reading the paper when Gaby comes in and asks if he got the pictures she sent. He absent-mindedly says they're wonderful; she's as beautiful as the day they met. She says not of her, of the math homework, then shows him the three math assignments, and they agree on which one's the most difficult. He's like, "Yeah, so?" Gaby, excited: "Carlos, this is the leopard's homework!" Carlos is as confused as you might think, until Gaby explains Juanita's in the advanced class. Then she says poor Susan, and she'd hate for her to find out MJ's in the slow group. Carlos says she's not telling Susan, since they've had enough drama with the neighbors lately. Gaby says fine, but she likes him better reading the newspaper and pretending to listen. He hands her his wallet and says, "Sure, take whatever you need." She scoffs, then takes it and scrams.
Katherine's going through a cafeteria line at her hospital when Mrs. McCluskey shows up. Katherine asks what she's doing here, since she told them she didn't want any visitors. Mrs. McC: "Who says I'm visiting? Maybe I'm bonkers, too." Well, no one's going to disagree with that. Katherine takes off and sits down, but Mrs. McC follows. She says she owes her from when she used to visit her when her gout flared up. Mrs. McC asks when she's coming home, but Katherine says she never will after what she did to those people, who hate her. Mrs. McC says everyone will get over it, and Katherine mocks that she's sure she and Bree can laugh about her nearly destroying her business; that she and Susan can bond over her trying to ruin her marriage; and that Mike's still chuckling about her having him thrown in jail. Mrs. McC gets serious, and tells Katherine she'll bet there's more forgiveness there than Katherine imagines. Katherine says, in that case, maybe Mrs. McC is bonkers.
Casa de Solis. Carlos brings Susan in to the kitchen to see Gaby. Susan's there to give them MJ's old math books for Juanita, so she can catch up. Carlos stands behind Susan looking at Gaby, to make sure she doesn't tell her MJ's slow. Gaby just thanks her, and Susan says she thought it might help Juanita catch up from when she was out of school. Gaby says she wasn't out of school; she was homeschooling her. Susan snottily says she knows, but now she has professional teachers and will probably catch up to MJ in no time. Carlos comes around to Gaby, leans over and whispers, "Get her." Gaby just says, oh, by the way, leopards are advanced, chipmunks are average, and giraffes are... table movers. Susan freaks out, and Gaby's like, "You said it yourself: 'It's the pace, not the race,' right?" Gaby asks her to not tell anyone, since you know how competitive some parents can get. Susan says, "Yeah, all too well," as if it's Gaby and not her. Man, I hate her. Why don't they kill her off?
Susan's. MJ's eating pasta, and has food on his face when he's done. Susan tells him it's on the right side of his face, and he wipes the left. She says, "Your right," and he wipes his forehead. Mike comes in, and Susan calls him outside to tell him the bad news. Mike says there's nothing wrong with being a giraffe, or average, but Susan reminds him chipmunks are average. She says she loves him so much; what if he's slow? Mike says he's not, and then they look inside and see MJ has his hand stuck in his milk glass. They talk him through it through the window, even though he can't hear, and they cheer when he finally gets his arm free from the glass. Mike tells her she was worried about nothing, and she agrees, then freaks out when he heads toward the toaster with a fork. Gee! Dumb kid jokes sure are funny.
Scavos. Lynette's in the kitchen alone, and sees Tom's journal on the table. She thinks about reading it, but he comes down. They discuss therapy, and she gives him the journal. She asks if he wants to know if she read it, and he laughs, "Oh, I'd know if you read it." She grabs her keys and heads to his therapist's. Once there, she pays a gambling addict $200 cash for his therapy session. He leaves, and the therapist, played by Jane Leeves, comes out and wonders where her patient is. Lynette says she actually took his appointment, and Jane's like, "That's not how this works." She asks her if she's interested in becoming a patient, and Lynette's like, "I'm not. I'm Mrs. Tom Scavo." Jane's like, "Ah," and Lynette walks into the office. She says she is sure Tom's told a lot of stories, so here she is: Tom's bitch of a wife. Jane asks why she puts it like that, and Lynette says she's picking the most likely word. She asks what he says, and Jane says she can't tell her that. Lynette thinks that means yes, and Jane says obviously it means that to Lynette. But Lynette's onto her, and sees she's trying to therapize her. She didn't come here for that, though; just to defend herself. Jane: "So you're not a bitch?" Lynette says not all the time. She just needs to feel in control, and when she doesn't, that makes her mad. She says maybe she's mad a lot because you can't control what happens in life. Jane: "Like your baby dying?" Lynette gets sad and says she's going to sit down, but only because she's tired. When Tom comes home from work that night, he sees Lynette with a feelings journal. She says it looks like they'll be going to therapy together, which he thinks is great news. Then he asks where dinner is, since she was home all day, and she starts writing. When he asks what, she says he'll find out Tuesday at 12:30.
Oak Ridge Elementary. Susan catches up to a teacher named Colleen, and asks how MJ's doing in her math class. Colleen says he's doing such a job, which Susan says is what she gives to parents all the time if she thinks their kid is driftwood. Colleen says he's doing great, so Susan asks why he's a giraffe then, if they're slow? Colleen says she doesn't know that, but Susan says she does now, since Gaby broke the code. Colleen tries to leave, but Susan follows and yells, "Giraffes are the slow learners, and you know it!" A parent nearby hears it and immediately tells everyone she knows, even though Colleen tries to stop her. Susan gives the whole hierarchy to the parents: leopards, chipmunks, giraffes, then snottily tells Colleen that MJ is leopard. "Get used to it!"
Hodges. Bree opens the door, and Orson questions it. She sweetly says she thought fresh air would be nice, but he wants it closed. She says she needs the fresh air, but Orson doesn't care and wants it closed. Bree says she knows he's angry at the world right now and she's going to help him through this, but all she asks is that he treat her with courtesy including the word "please." He asks what's with the sudden interest in etiquette, since he doesn't recall her asking him "please" before she cheated on him. She says the door's staying open, and he says he wants it closed. Bree: "No. You stink." Orson: "And you're a whore. Here's the difference: I can get clean." She agrees and takes him outside. She squirts him with dish soap and then hoses him off as he asks her over and over to stop. She says all he has to do to get her to stop is to say please. She mocks and annoys me and Orson until he finally begs her to please stop. Then he continues, "Please roll me over, please help me to the toilet, please, please!" He says that's his life now, asking her please for everything. He wakes up an hour and a half before her every day and thinks about how great it would be to get up, walk downstairs, and make himself tea without having to say please. She looks sad, walks to him, and tells him she's sorry. "Forgive me. Please." I hope the show doesn't expect us to believe that undoes everything they've done to each other, because they are some hateful, evil people. Commercials. I don't know if it's because I have been worn down by the constant ads, but I actually want to see The Deep End.
Oak Ridge Elementary. Gaby and Susan are waiting for the principal, to a kid who's there for eating paste. Susan asks what animal group he is, and he says, "Giraffe." She's like, "Damn." The principal calls him in and tells the ladies he'll be with them in a moment. Gaby apologizes to Susan for getting her in trouble, but Susan says it's her own fault for getting carried away. Gaby says it was just so important to her that Juanita was doing well, because her kids are what she has to show for herself. She doesn't have a career; her kids are her job. Whatever happens to her kids, it's because of how she raised them. Susan says that at least Gaby gets to raise them; she worries constantly that she's not there enough for MJ. They compliment each other's kids, and their own, and say their parents are the crazy ones. And this crazy system using animals. Susan says reading is just as bad, with otters and penguins and seals. Gaby says she knows: Juanita's an otter, and what does that have to do with learning to read?! Susan's like, "Juanita's an otter?" She says MJ's a penguin, and they both go from laughing to worrying and feeling all competitive again. Because they learned nothing.
Angie and Ana are shopping. Angie shows Ana a sweater and says it's pretty, but Ana says she'd buy it for her grandma if she hated her. Ana asks why they're doing this, and Angie says they're getting to know each other. Ana: "You know me, and you don't like me." Angie says it's not that, but she doesn't think she's good for Danny. Not because he wouldn't eat the rigatoni, but because Ana's a good-time girl out to have fun, not that Angie blames her. But Danny's been through a lot and needs someone who isn't going to hurt him. Ana says she knows he's been through stuff, and she gets that he lashes out and gets defensive; she used to do it, too. She says it's the thing that made her like him, because she knows how he feels. She says she doesn't care if Angie likes her, but she's not going to hurt Danny. Angie asks how she can be sure, and Ana says she can't, but it doesn't matter because she's not going anywhere.
Hospital. Katherine's reading a book in the cafeteria when Mrs. McC comes back. Katherine asks why she's there, and she says she's been thinking about what Katherine said last time, and it pissed her off, because the people on Wisteria have been Katherine's friends for years; does she really think they'd dump her ass just for going off the deep end for some months? Katherine says she really appreciates her coming here, but after all the things she did, she doesn't see how anyone could forgive her. Gaby's voice says, "Well, we're not saying it will be easy," and Katherine turns to see Gaby, Bree and Lynette are there, too. Lynette says they'll give it a try. They each walk up and hug Katherine. As she finishes hugging them, Katherine sees Susan's there, too, standing back a bit. She walks forward, looking frankly a little angry (though it's hard to tell with Teri Hatcher's face), but she grabs Katherine's hand and then gives her a hug. Katherine cries, and even though I hate Susan, I have to admit it's a nice moment.
MAVO picks back up, and says we all need someone to listen in our darkest moment. A woman cries to her shrink. The kid talks to the principal. Danny talks to Ana. And the women sit around a cafeteria table, smiling and laughing. I think these episodes have been sort of meh since the return from hiatus, because nothing has really happened. When are we going to get some development on the season's mystery? I don't know about the rest of you, but I didn't get any previews for week, either. I think there's a one-week break, and it's back Jan. 31. See you then.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val & Beth think DH is too over-the-top.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, doesn't go to therapy regularly, but probably should. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.