Previously: PI Ironside is dead (and everyone suspects the Applewrongs), and Deirdre's dad Noah is slowly dying.
MAVO: "Jim Halverson was aware that he had little to offer a woman: he was neither rich, nor smart, nor handsome." Jim (who is played by Greg Germann, better known as sleazy Richard Fish on Ally McBeal) is waiting at the bar in a nice-ish looking restaurant. "So when his friends set him up on a blind date with a beautiful stranger," Susan walks up to Jim, and he says, "Wow, you're so much hotter than Vicky said you'd be! So how old are you?" Smooth, very smooth. Also, who's Vicky? Susan has a friend named Vicky who sets her up on dates with terrible men? Who knew! Susan, flirtily: "How old do you think I am?" MAVO: "Jim made the tragic decision to try to be funny." Jim: "Not a day over fifty!" Jim laughs at his quip, but Susan doesn't join him, no, not at all. Icily, she suggests they head over to their table, and Jim makes matters worse by trying to explain that he was just kidding. Just, just kidding. Jim, trailing after Susan: "See, that was funny because you're so obviously not fifty, that's why I said 'fifty' because that's absurd..."
As the two dig into their dinners, MAVO takes us on a tour of Jim's conversational failures: "Jim did everything he could to get Susan Mayer to laugh. He tried racial humor." Jim: "So guess what time Chinese people go to the dentist?" Susan looks at him blankly. Jim: "Two-thirty." Susan makes a lame effort to smile. Jim: "Get it? Tooth hurty? Tooth hurty!" And the second "tooth hurty" he delivers in a "wacky Asian" voice. Susan squeezes out an anemic smile. (FYI and FWIW: Jokes on a first date -- I'm not talking "joking around," I mean actually reciting scripted jokes -- are a big red flag. Racist jokes? A deal-breaker.) MAVO: "He tried to be engagingly risqu." Jim: "Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!" Ah yes, that old saw. Susan raises her eyebrows a centimeter and then re-concentrates on her dinner. Jim: "Ahhhh...you know what a 'rectum' is, right?" Susan chokes on her food and then shoots him a "what the hell's wrong with you?" look. MAVO: "He even tried gentle teasing." Jim, clearly already deep into another terrible conversation mistake: "No, no. You see, by comparing you to a Nazi, I was making the point that you're so...not a Nazi." Susan is yet again under-thrilled. MAVO: "And just when Jim thought the date couldn't get any worse..." Jim accidentally tips over his napkin, which is still folded into a tent beside his plate (and not in his lap where it should be), and it falls to the floor. Susan reaches over to pick it up just as Jim does the very same thing. And...CRACK! They knock heads. Jim collapses unconscious to the floor, while Susan manages to stay upright, but she's holding her head, clearly in pain (and/or in colossal disappointment over the date itself). The MAVO continues: "...It did."
“ The dress is either hiked up or slit all the way up to HERE because her legs are 98% exposed, not to mention expertly positioned for maximum sexiness. She is also wearing super-high and strappy heels -- perfect for traipsing around on grass, while giving blood, on a lazy afternoon in the suburbs of Fairview! ”
Cut to the hospital. A young doctor shines a light into Jim's eyes and tells him to look up, down, et cetera. Dr. Young asks what, exactly, happened, and Susan jumps in to explain that it was "an accident." Jim: "Oh, I don't know about that: in some cultures head-butting is a mating ritual." Susan shoots Jim him a disgusted look. She asks "Dr. McCreedy" if she can "talk to him...away from [she looks over at Jim] the...draft." He tells her to call her "Dr. Ron" as they retreat into a corner. Susan begs Dr. Young to admit her for the night...anything, everything, whatever it takes to get her out of this, the worst date of her life. Dr. Young looks over at Jim, who's talking to a nurse while pulling the fingers of an inflated rubber glove. Susan, begging now, grabs Dr. Young by the lapels. She tells him that her "mental health" is at risk, and she reminds him that he "took an oath." He asks her to unhand him, and she looks down at his crumpled lab coat with surprise. "Sorry," she whispers as she pats and smoothes his shoulders. He tells her that as sorry as he is to hear that her date is a disaster, he still can't admit her. Dr. Young heads back over to the exam table to check Jim's reflexes. Jim tells him a joke (clearly Jim is socially broken): "What is the correct medical term for the circumcision of a rabbit?" The doctor cocks his eyebrows in the barest hint of a "go on," and Jim delivers the punch line: "Hare cut." Susan closes her eyes like, "Oh god, make it go away," while Dr. Young gives Jim the same blank look Susan wore throughout the date. Dr. Young: "Jim? I'm going to need to keep you here awhile...run some tests." But Susan is free to go. Susan looks so obviously happy to hear this news that even Jim catches wind of it, and his brow darkens into a "hey, wait a second" little furrow. MAVO: "And though it only lasted a moment, Jim caught the look that passed between his date [Susan smiles warmly at Dr. Young] and his doctor [Dr. Young winks back]. And [Jim] suddenly got the feeling the joke was on him." Yes, yes it was.
Ahhh, the full credits. Oh how I missed you! (It's been nothing but Credits Lite for so, so long now.)
MAVO: "The annual blood drive was a tradition on Wisteria Lane." Wow, fun! MAVO continues: "Most residents came to help promote health and well-being. But my friends turned up for a different reason." The camera pans across a lawn full of neighbors sipping juice and holding their bent arms gingerly. We zoom in on the Ladies, who are sitting on some benches off to the side. Lynette is in a business suit, so I guess she's there on her lunch break (unlikely, but I guess plausible). Edie is sitting on a bench and wearing a...wow: a teeny, tiny white dress styled in what I can only describe as "Back-Alley Sex Goddess." The dress is either hiked up or slit all the way up to HERE because her legs are 98% exposed, not to mention expertly positioned for maximum sexiness. She is also wearing super-high and strappy heels -- perfect for traipsing around on grass, while giving blood, on a lazy afternoon in the suburbs of Fairview! MAVO: "They were growing increasingly concerned that their street was infected with a dangerous kind of sickness, and they came to consult with one other about a possible cure." Susan furtively looks over at Betty, and Betty waves back. Smooth Susan returns the wave half-heartedly and then her waving hand crumples into a cringe shield over her eyes as she whispers to her friends, "Oh great, she caught me staring." Gabby points out how nice Betty's been since dead PI Ironside was found out in front of her house. Edie: "I don't trust friendly women." Gabby: "That's okay, they don't trust you either." Hee haw! They speculate about the body, but no one knows anything because the police, it appears, are withholding details. (Aww, Bree and Susan are dutifully wearing their little heart-shaped "I gave blood" stickers!) Gabby: "Bree, maybe you should call in a favor from your police detective pal, have him poke around?" But Bree doesn't think that's the best idea: she and Detective Barton really aren't that close, what with him suspecting her of murdering Rex.