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Previouslies! Little Big P was mad that Lynette's MIA on the home-front. Carlos could go to the slammer for eight years if the gay-bashing charge sticks. Bree detected that she loves George. Susan told Zana to stay away from Julie, and also it turned out that Zana is Mike's son.
MAVO: "The residents of the Fairview county jail looked forward to every Tuesday. That was the day that Gabrielle Solis came to visit her husband." In flashback, we see Gabby walking through an exposed, chain-linked corridor that goes directly through the prison yard. Which seems...insane. So, like, anyone who comes to visit a prisoner has to walk through the fucking Thunderdome? Also: these are some hard, hard criminals for a county jail in sleepy little Fairview. Though I guess if Wisteria Lane is any example, Fairview is probably the crime capital of the world. MAVO: "The inmates went out of their way to give her compliments, whether she wanted them or not." Still in flashback, we see Gabby wearing a series of ridiculous outfits as she walks down the corridor of taunts and tongues again and again. MAVO: "With each visit, these accolades became increasingly inventive." From beyond the fence, the prisoners act out funny little pantomimes for Gabby, like "Finger-Lick Your Goods," "My Ass Is Like a Genie's Lamp: All It Needs Is a Little Rub (Here, Let Me Show You)," and everyone's favorite "Ride 'Em, Cowboy," where the cowboy is the inmate, and his horse, one presumes, is Gabby. MAVO: "Still, Gabrielle wasn't flattered. In fact, Gabrielle started to dread this...special attention." So she says! MAVO: "Until one day, when..." Once again, Gabby is cat-walking through the prison yard. She is wearing a truly Steel Magnolian outfit: a wide-brimmed sunhat with an eccentric cluster of white, black, and red flowers; a fitted top with matching cropped, puffed-sleeve bolero jacket (both in a pattern of bright red embroidered with white daisies); a black-and-white striped belt; and a tight, red skirt with thigh-slit. The outfit...how shall I put this? It isn't exactly the wisest choice for someone who is "dreading special attention"...unless, I don't know, maybe this is how Gabby chooses to take back the night?
Gabby is walking the gauntlet alongside Carlos's lawyer, asking him about the possibility of a conjugal visit with Carlos. Lawyer: "With all due respect, Mrs. Solis, let's just get through the discovery phase first." Gabby doesn't think she can wait that long, but the lawyer points out, with barely harnessed irritation, that he is trying to get her husband out of jail: "You want me to just stop everything so you can have a booty call?" By the way, how involved a procedure is it to request conjugal visits for a client? So involved that it would require sidelining the whole case? Gabby: "Excuse me. We are husband and wife. We make love. It is a very sacred covenant." The lawyer gives a dismissive little "hmph." Gabby: "Okay, look, all we need is twenty minutes." Ha! The lawyer tells her that his "no" means "no." Gabby: "You work for me; you will make it happen." The lawyer tells her she can't make him do anything: "I am not your maid...or your gardener." Gabby: SLAP! The lawyer tells Gabby he could have her arrested for that. Gabby: "Really? How about for this?" SLAP again! By now, all the prisoners are hooting in appreciation of the "Gabby v. Lawyer" show. The lawyer shrilly accuses Gabby of being a "crazy bitch" (wow, he seems a little...tightly wound?), and one of the prisoners, a red-faced mustachioed gentleman, pokes the lawyer through the fence with a broom handle, demanding, "Apologize to the lady!" The lawyer turns and tells Mustache that he has made a big mistake: this lawyer just happens to play golf with the warden! But while the lawyer's back is turned, another prisoner, also with a mustache, pokes the lawyer through the fence with his own broomstick. Mustachioed Prisoner #2: "You heard him: apologize!" The lawyer tells the "fellas" that he's just trying to do his job, and that this is all Gabby's fault: "If she weren't so damned horny..." The lawyer's tirade is silenced when a handful of dirt hits his face. And then all the other prisoners start hitting the lawyer with their broomsticks, and then they grab hold of his tie and use it to pull his face into the fence over and over as they chant "apologize...apologize!" A prison guard shoots a teargas canister into the yard, and Gabby delivers a delicate cough. MAVO: "At that moment it occurred to Gabrielle: this was the nicest compliment she had ever received." What? Surely Gabby has received "nicer" compliments than creepy sexual harassers assaulting a lawyer on her behalf? This is such a weird scene. Also? This is absolutely the last time Fairview County lets the prisoners rehearse for the big Bedknobs And Broomsticks show out in the yard. And credits!