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If I wasn't so demoralized, this is the part of the recap where I'd talk about the election. It occurred to me today that I was recapping during the last election, too. I can't believe it. Thanks for not firing me, Wing Chun! Yet. ["Oh, never. And for what it's worth, those of us citizens of the world who couldn't vote in this election are pretty demoralized, too." -- Wing Chun]
Anyway, thanks to MAVO, this week we meet a Wisteria Lane resident by the melodious name of Alberta Frome. In the tradition of all Unmarried Ladies of a Certain Age, she has a cat. And when she travels, she has friends watch said cat. This time, however, said friends are not available for cat-sitting. And so Mrs. Frome is forced to turn to Susan. This kicks us into a Susan Is Klutzy Montage: first, she backs her car into a trash can; then she falls hilariously and completely into a wedding cake; finally, she's attacked by birds as she attempts to refill the bird feeder in a scene that reminds me of nothing so much as the scene in A Room With A View where Helena Bonham Carter looks out the window and sees Daniel Day-Lewis get attacked by bees, and he waves his arms around all effeminately and she realizes that she can't marry him and that she has to marry Julian Sands, because Julian Sands is willing to grab her and kiss her in a meadow and why hasn't that happened to me yet? ...Where was I? Ah, yes. Susan makes being attacked by flying beasts look much cuter. "As she waved goodbye, Mrs. Frome worried that Susan's streak of bad luck would continue," MAVO says, as Mrs. Frome waves goodbye to her cat and Susan makes the cat wave back. "For that matter, so did her cat."
Day to night transition. Susan and Julie tromp into the House of Frome, calling for Mr. Whiskers. When they get to the kitchen, they see that the place has been ransacked. Then they notice a screwdriver lying out on the counter. That's when they start calling frantically for Mr. Whiskers, because they are morons. Dudes, the intruder could totally still be in the house. Go home and call the police. Man. I can buy that kind of idiocy from Susan, because, although adorable, she doesn't appear to be that bright, but I expected better from Julie. Anyway, while they're looking for Mr. Whiskers, a man in work boots tiptoes out of a nearby room. It's totally Mike, by the way. The cat slips out the front door behind him. "Though she didn't know it at the time, Susan's luck had finally started to change," MAVO says, as Mike slips Mr. Whiskers back inside the house.
So, as you can imagine, Wisteria Lane totally freaks when everyone finds out about the intruder! So they have a Neighborhood Watch meeting to discuss their plan of action. This meeting is attended by a whole bunch of people, but not Mrs. Kravitz, which seems bizarre. I feel like Mrs. Kravitz wouldn't miss a Neighborhood Watch meeting even if she were vomiting blood. Anyway, the meeting is also attended by an Officer Thomas, who is played Steven Eckholdt, who has been on all kinds of shows, including Melrose Place. I can't quite remember who he was on Melrose Place, but I seem to recall that it was bad news for Jane. Of course, everything was bad news for stupid, stupid Jane. Officer Thomas gives the Wisteria Lane-eans all kinds of safety tips and talks about organized patrols and so on and so forth. As he does so, Susan waves cheerily at Mike, who is unresponsive. Maybe you irritated him by giving your date with him to Edie last week, Susan. Maybe he suspects you're not into him anymore. Maybe he thinks you have multiple personalities. Where is Edie, anyway? Are we not going to get any follow-up on Susan giving Edie her date with Mike last week? Hello? Anyone? Is this thing on?