By DeAnn Welker
You know what's great about this show? At the end of a season, it's mostly wrapped up so we don't have to spend all summer wondering what's going to happen. There are a few loose ends, but for the most part, our mysteries are solved and over with. First up is Eddie, the Strangler, who has Lynette held hostage when the episode starts. She is still sweet to him, even after learning he's killed all those other girls, and manages to talk him into taking her to the hospital after her water breaks. But Tom shows up, and he holds Lynette's mouth. There's a bit of a struggle, so when Tom leaves and he apologizes, she tells him it's too late; the baby's coming now and he'll have to deliver her. He does, and it includes saving the baby's life when the umbilical cord is wrapped around her neck. He goes to leave after that, but Lynette convinces him to call the police and turn himself in. She even lets him hold the baby. It's amazing how sweet this storyline about a serial killer became.
Danny and Angie are still being held hostage by Patrick, who informs Angie she's going to go with him to Oregon to detonate the bomb, and that he'll kill Danny if the bomb doesn't work. She makes a few changes to the bomb, in that case, and then she tells Danny goodbye and they leave. What she doesn't see, though, is Patrick putting the bomb in the closet outside Danny's room, where he's still tied up. Meanwhile, Gaby's gone to get Nick from the hospital, and he tells her his plan is to climb in the window and rescue Danny, then he passes out. Without filling her in on why, she gets Susan to distract Patrick and Angie by saying goodbye to them, and Gaby runs around and climbs in the window. Susan leaves quickly, as do Patrick and Angie. Patrick then asks Angie if it's true there are 30 seconds after hitting the detonator before it explodes. As Gaby works to untie Danny in the room, he hits the button, and Angie takes off running toward the house. When she's about twenty-eight seconds away, she turns and waves at Patrick, all, "It's in the detonator." He calls her a bitch and then his car blows up. Awesome.
Bree fills Orson and Andrew in on Sam's blackmail plan, and they both tell her not to do it; Andrew's capable of doing his time for the crime. But he's her son, so she signs her company over to Sam. When she tells Orson that was her decision, he points out the hypocrisy of making him serve time for hitting Mike and not making Andrew do the same. She says it's different, but Orson doesn't think so, and he leaves her because she's not the woman of principles that he thought (the cheating wasn't enough of a clue, I guess). When Andrew realizes Orson's gone, Bree asks permission to tell Gaby, which she does as the episode ends.
Susan and Mike spend the whole episode moving and worrying about MJ's toy dinosaur that they accidentally sold at a garage sale. And a nurse who dies at the hospital has a secret that she tells her priest, who tells the hospital chief, who meets with his advisers. They say that these people will sue for a lot of money and one of the families lives on Wisteria Lane. How can they tell them the child they love isn't theirs? It's obviously MJ, which means Mike and Susan will get plenty of money to move back into their house. Unfortunately, Lee found a renter right away, and it's Paul Young, back to haunt us for another season.
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Previously: This whole season happened. Susan and Mike are poor now, so they have to move off the Lane. But they're just renting, not selling the house. Rex's illegitimate son blackmailed Bree by threatening to go to the police about Andrew hitting Carlos's mom with his car way back in the first season. Patrick held Angie and Danny hostage, but Angie managed to slip a note into Gaby's lasagna asking her to get Nick. Lynette figured out Eddie was the killer, so he locked her in his house.
Mary Alice Voices Over that all Lynette could think of was her children. We get flashbacks of her memories of her four kids (and we even get the actors who played the young twins scaring her with a frog). Then she stops thinking and tells Eddie she can help him, by telling the police he almost had no choice about his mean, angry, drunken mother. He wonders about the other girls, and Lynette realizes the extent of what he's done. Still, he doesn't want to hurt her, and says he'll drive into the middle of nowhere and drop her off so he can be long gone before she calls the police. She tells him she can't go anywhere right now; her water just broke. MAVO says that now Lynette's especially thinking about the child she's about to give birth to. Title card.
MAVO introduces us to a new character. An old lady in a wheelchair, who she says was Teresa Pruitt, who used to be a maternity nurse at Fairview Hospital. We see her in the past with Julie and a baby, then Gaby and a baby, then Lynette and a baby. It was a job Teresa loved, but that was many years ago, and now she's back at Fairview Hospital as a patient. With a secret. A priest comes into her room and tells her how sorry he is. She says not to be; it's her time. Then she asks if he knew she used to be a nurse in this hospital. He remembers she just retired a few years ago, but she says it wasn't retirement. She quit out of guilt for having done something awful. He asks if she wants to take confession, but she doesn't, because confessions are private, and she wants the people who run the hospital to know what she did and make it right.
Gaby's somewhere else in the hospital asking a nurse if she can see Nick, but since it's not visiting hours, and he just came out of a coma, she can't see him if she's not immediate family. She tries to pay the nurse off with the $12 she has in her purse, only she needs $10 of it for parking, so... needless to say, the $2 bribe doesn't work on this particular nurse. The nurse tells her to come back later, but then the nurse is called away by Dr. Burke in radiology. Gaby puts some gum in her mouth and puts on her best fake Italian accent for the new nurse. She pretends she's Nick's wife Angie, and says the blond woman coming around must have been his whore. When the nurse wants to get her supervisor, Gaby says she doesn't have time for that. "I got sauce on the stove, ziti in the oven, and a moustache that needs to get bleached." The nurse leads her away to Nick's room.
Porter wakes up Tom, who's on the Scavo couch, by giving him a cup of coffee. Tom's like, "Did we get hammered last night or what?" Porter says, "No. You got hammered. Preston and I just followed you around apologizing to everyone." What a nice father Tom is, getting hammered like that when he went out to make his son feel better. Tom wonders if Lynette heard them come home, and Porter says she probably heard him singing on the coffee table, but she's not up yet. Preston comes down and says that Lynette's not there and the bed looks like it hasn't been slept in. Tom says she must have seen him and stormed out of here first thing. Porter, knowing his parents very well, asks why she didn't wake him up and yell at him. Tom: "Have I been stabbed?" I know I shouldn't be able to find this so amusing knowing the very real danger Lynette's in, but I do. Plus, I know how it ends, and that helps.
Andrew and Orson ask Bree how her conversation with Sam went, and she says he replied by blackmailing her. "He knows what happened to Mrs. Solis." Orson wonders what this has to do with Gaby, but Bree tells him this is about Carlos's mother, who died ten years ago after Andrew hit her with a car. She says that Danielle told Sam in some idiotic attempt to bond with him, and now he's going to tell the police. Orson's like, "Wait a minute! You never told Carlos and Gaby?" Bree, showing her true nature as a psychotic, replies curtly, "Of course not. It would have destroyed the friendship." Plus, Carlos would have sent Andrew to jail. She says that Sam wants her company, and she's going to give it to him so he doesn't go to the police. Andrew thinks she shouldn't give up everything she's worked for, and maybe it's time he pays for what he did back then. Orson says it's not right for her to give in to blackmail, and if Andrew wants to turn himself in... But Bree cuts Orson off and says this is between her and her son; would he mind? He says of course not -- but, oh, does he ever not mean it -- and wheels himself out of the room.
Gaby wakes up Nick from his coma by throwing water on his face, and then pretends she didn't. She shows him the note from Angie, and says there was a guy with Angie, pretending to be her brother. Nick says she doesn't have a brother, so Gaby asks if maybe it's Patrick Logan. She says that Angie told her everything. So Nick starts unhooking himself from everything. Gaby wonders if he can't just call the cops, but he says the second Patrick feels cornered, Angie and Danny are dead. He tells Gaby she'll have to drive him, because he still sort of has coma-head. Back at Angie's, Patrick admires her bomb and wonders if it's done. She tells him it is, and explains how it works (30 seconds after he pushes the detonator, it blows up), then asks him to let them go now. But he says she's coming to Oregon with him in case the bomb's a dud. After all, he has some trust issues as far as Angie's concerned. She asks him to let Danny go, but he says no, because if the bomb doesn't go off, he'll kill her and then come back here and kill Danny. He asks if she's sure she's done, and she guesses she'll take another look. So, he's going to leave Danny tied up the entire time they drive from wherever on the East Coast they live to Oregon and back? Won't he die from lack of food and water?
Susan's having a yard sale, and the whole neighborhood's turned out. Roy and Mrs. McCluskey offer herm $100 for a toy that she's charging fifty cents for. She won't accept the $100, because they're looking for a hand, not a handout. Mike comes out and says Lee might have already found a renter, which Susan says she's happy about, but she's actually uncomfortable with the thought of a stranger living in her house. Then there's a whole exchange where Mrs. Kinsky offers too little for a dining room set, and Susan won't take it. She goes so far as to kick Mrs. Kinsky offer her property and then, when Kinsky's safely on the sidewalk, Susan threatens to ram a ThighMaster down her throat. Kinsky pays the whole $300. Mike's either scared or impressed at Susan.
Lynette's in labor pain, begging Eddie to take her to a hospital. He says he can't, because she'll tell someone about him, but she says she doesn't care about him and just cares about the baby. Just then, Tom sees her car and calls the boys to say he found mom; she's at Eddie's. He knocks on the door right after Eddie agrees to take her to the hospital. Eddie, panicked, covers her mouth as she tries to scream out to Tom, and they struggle the whole time Tom talks to her. He assumes she's giving him the silent treatment and says he'll have flowers for her when she gets home. He leaves, and Eddie says he's sorry and will take her to a hospital now. Apparently, the struggle pushed the labor into hyper-speed, because she says it's too late and Eddie's going to have to deliver the baby. Of course.
Generic executive office. Generic guy in a suit looking at presumably important papers. The priest enters and calls him "Mr. Chase." He tells him that Teresa Pruitt told him an awful secret she'd been living with for years, and she wanted Mr. Chase to hear this, but the Father thinks he should sit down first. Susan's counting money in a chair that Mike really wants to move, and MJ wants his dinosaur that his mom just sold. She thought he put it in the sell pile, but MJ's like, "What's a sell pile?" She tells him she'll get it back, then tells a skeptical Mike she's loving her child, who's already being forced to move from the only house he's ever known. MJ thanks his mommy and glares at Mike for not being the one willing to do this for him. Susan convinces Mike, who says "What the hell? We're moving. Let's go piss off some neighbors." They tell Roy, who understands, but he says he already gave it to his grandson. Susan acts really sad, and convinces Roy, who goes to get it back. Turns out the grandson's deaf, but Susan thinks they should still force his grandpa to take his toy. You know, because she's such a good person.
Bree signs her business over to Sam, who says his lawyer will have to approve this. She tells him there's a codicil that he can't breathe a word about what he knows or he owes her a lot of money. He says that shouldn't be a problem; he's much better at keeping secrets than her daughter. Bree: "One can only hope." She tells him she doesn't hate him, but feels sorry for him since he wanted family, and ended up with just the business. She says that he doesn't care about anyone and doubts anyone will ever care about him. He looks sad, and she politely asks him to "Please be a dear, and close the door on your way out of my life." That is very much Bree's psychotic version of "Don't let the door hit you on the ass."
At the Bolens', Patrick lets Angie go in and say goodbye to Danny while he supposedly will put the bomb in the car. But that's not where he puts it; he leaves it in the closet right outside of Danny's bedroom, as Angie tells Danny to please understand that however this plays out, she had no choice. Aww. Knowing now what I didn't know the first time I saw this makes this a very sweet scene, because of the self-sacrifice she was willing to make for Danny. Patrick comes back in an tells her it's time to go.
Lynette's coaching Eddie through delivering her baby. He's off to one side, not looking, and she says he's going to have to look. Eddie's like, "I can't. It's so gross." But Lynette doesn't care, because he's going to have to "catch her." What a weird way to say that. So he agrees and looks. When he sees the head, he says there's something around her neck; he thinks it's the umbilical cord. She's turning blue. Lynette's like, "No!" But then she tells Eddie he's going to have to hook the umbilical cord with his finger and pull it over her head. He says he really can't, but she pleads with him, and tells him he has the chance to save a life. So he reaches down and then tells her it's done. She pushes a bunch more and then he's holding a giant baby. Without cutting the umbilical cord or anything (though, to the show's credit, they do make it seem like he at least cleaned her up first), he gives her to Lynette, who loves her baby, even with the gross chunks of something hanging all over her face. I'm thinking they probably clean them better than that in the hospital, but I don't have kids. [They polish them up real good first. - Zach]
Susan and Mike return home to their brat, who's all, "Where is he?! That's not fair!" Susan tells him how unfair life is, how sometimes even if you're a good person and do the right thing, life still won't give you back your dinosaur. Mike looks at her, exasperated as anyone who had to deal with Susan might be, and jumps in to tell MJ they'll take him to the pizza arcade. He thanks him and glares at his mom this time. MJ happily runs off, and Mike tells Susan that life didn't take her dinosaur; he did, so please let him have it. She tells him she loves him and respects him, but resents him for making her leave the home where she raised her children. She shows him the marks of her children's heights on a piece of door trim, and then she starts sobbing. He hugs her and says they're going to get it back, but in the meantime he removes the piece of door trim. Susan laughs and cries and looks like an overly plasticized frog.
Bree's back home, and tells Orson that's done and her company's gone. He's surprised, and she says she can always start a new company, but can't send her son to jail. He says that she sent him to jail and, in fact, demanded it. She claims it was different, but he points out they each hit someone with a car, so it's really not. She says Andrew was a child, but Orson says he's not now. And he saw this whole thing as a test, since he loved her for having principles. She failed the test and since he's not the woman he thought she was, he's leaving her. She tells him she had no choice, but he says they always have a choice and he no longer chooses to be her husband. Nick and Gaby show up at the Bolen house, and Nick says he's going to sneak around and climb in a window if she can distract Patrick for ten minutes. He thanks her for this, and she goes on about having her own secrets and promising to help Angie, whatever it takes. But when she's done, Nick's passed out in the seat to her. She tells him she can't do this alone, but he doesn't wake up.
Lynette's holding her new baby, as Eddie looks at them adoringly and says he wishes he could see her grow up. She looks at him with a mix of sorrow and disappointment. He tells her he's going to leave, and asks her to wait awhile to call the police. Lynette asks him to wait. She reminds him that he told her his life would have turned out different if he'd been her mom, so now she's going to be his mom and tell him what he should do. She thinks he should stay here and call the police. He says he can't, because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life in jail. Lynette cries and tells him he's already there, because no matter where he runs, he will still be angry and in pain, and he'll still want to hurt people. So he'll never be free. He cries that he swears he'll be good. She says people will never see that unless he shows them. She says if he picks up the phone, they'll know, and she'll be so proud of him. He leaves, but comes right back, crying, and asks her if she'll call the police for him. She says of course. He sits down to her as she picks up the phone. She lets him hold the baby as she makes the phone call. The scene ends a little creepily, and I found myself wondering if he was going to take off with the baby as a cliffhanger (don't worry; he doesn't).
Gaby's on the phone with Fairview Hospital, trying to find out how to bring someone out of a coma, or a coma-nap, when Susan shows up to say her final goodbye. Gaby's all, "Okay, see ya!" And she keeps closing the door in her face. But the hospital's already hung up, so she rushes back out and tells Susan she's so choked up about her leaving that she couldn't deal with it. She says that Angie's also broken up about this, so Gaby has to say goodbye. Susan's shocked, considering she tried to crush Danny with his car and then Angie came at her with a bat. Gaby says that's love in Italian. Gaby tells Susan that Angie wants a goodbye that lasts ten minutes, and then takes off to the back of the house as she leaves Susan on the porch. Inside, Patrick and Angie are about to leave; he uncuffs her as the doorbell rings. He holds a gun to her head behind the door as she asks Susan what's going on. Susan tells her she came to say goodbye, and Angie's like, "Okay? Bye." She slams the door on her, and Susan's again shocked by the way these people don't care that she's leaving.
Gaby climbs in the window of Danny's room as Angie and Patrick get into the car and drive away. He stops just down the road and asks her what the range is on this thing, about 20 yards? Gaby works to untie Danny in the room as Patrick makes a slow, dramatic speech about how Angie betrayed him and everything they believed in, and he decided back then that he would find her and punish her. "And today is that day, my love." How is it possible that he's so hot and creepy at once? Angie asks, with genuine fear and concern, where the bomb is. He reminds her she told him there's 30 seconds from the time he pushes the detonator. Panicked, she asks where the bomb is. He says it's in the house, and he suggests she get moving if she wants to save their son. Angie gets out and runs toward her house as fast as she can. Gaby's still working to untie Danny, who says he needs to help her mom. Angie runs. Gaby unties. Bomb counts down. Gaby gets him untied and Angie stops in her tracks in the street right at 30 seconds. She turns to Patrick in the car and waves, "It's in the detonator." It's really the most awesome thing ever, and makes me love Angie so much more. Now I don't want her to leave. Danny hears the bomb and runs outside, worried, to find her standing there. They watch the car burn up in the street.
At a bus station, Gaby gives Angie a big envelope of money, which she says is totally unnecessary. But Gaby insists, although she does take $10 back for parking. Angie says this is goodbye, and Gaby says, "Forever, right? That's how this works?" Angie says yeah, and then tells her Nick had to drag her here kicking and screaming; he thought it was the perfect place to live because people would wave from behind their picket fences but never get involved because they don't care. She thanks Gaby for proving him wrong and they hug goodbye. Angie rejoins Nick and Danny, who says they better hurry. Nick and Angie give Danny a ticket to New York. He says he thought the plan was to go to Atlanta, but that's their plan. He says he wants to be with them, and Angie says they want that, too, but they need to stop being selfish. They tell him he'll have fun, seeing his grandma and being with Ana. He says he'll still get to see them sometimes, right, but their looks say no. He thinks they can stop running with Patrick dead, but Angie says the FBI's still looking for them (possibly even more now, with the dead Patrick). Danny says he's not ready for this, but Nick gives him a pep talk and tells him what a good man he's become. Danny says that, if he is, it's because Nick was his father. I think it's weird they want Nick to be so heroic and great now, after having him cheating with Julie when the season started. Whatever, show. They hug goodbye and then Angie cries and hugs him. Danny watches them get on their bus as they all cry. He gets on his own bus. And bye-bye, Bolens.
Andrew shows up at Bree's to find her in Orson's empty room, crying. He asks why all of his stuff is gone, and she says he left her because he thinks she's a hypocrite. Andrew says that's ridiculous, but she says he's right. Andrew asks what he can do, and she says he can give her his permission to do something she should have done a long time ago. Generic executives in the generic office, angrily discussing how this information the priest gave them could ruin the hospital if it leads to a lawsuit. One of the guys says he knows "one of these families." They live two blocks from him, on Wisteria Lane. Mr. Chase thinks maybe that guy's the best person to tell them. The guy asks how you tell parents the child they love and have been raising isn't really theirs. It's so obviously MJ, which is going to lead Mike and Susan into the money they need to get back to the Lane. Unfortunately, because I'd really like this show more without her.
Cut to Penny, MJ and Gaby's girls running down the sidewalk, so we wonder which child was switched at birth. They run by their mothers (and Bree), in front of Susan's. They've all shown up to say goodbye to Susan, who says it's not a big deal; she's just moving across town and will see them Friday for poker. They say they'll hunt her down and bring her back if they don't see her once a week (America does not feel the same way, however). Bree asks who's renting the house, and Susan tells them Lee found a guy. Gaby doesn't think it will seem right. Susan says the guy's very lucky to be moving in to three of the most wonderful neighbors in the world. She tells them that she thinks they're all such good people. Bree looks guilty. Susan thanks them for making her a better person. Wow, how bad would she have been without them, then? Mike tells Susan they should go, and Lynette says she has to go check on Tom and the baby. Leaving Gaby and Bree, still looking sad. She tells Gaby she's not a good person and there's something she should have told her years ago; it's something that could end their friendship. She asks Gaby if they can go talk.
Mike and Susan prepare to drive away as MAVO picks back up. "As they pulled away, Susan looked out on the street she loved so much. A street where parents can raise their children." She looks at Tom and Lynette, with their baby girl. "Where retirees could enjoy their golden years." Roy and Mrs. McC walk down the Lane. "Where good friends could share horrible secrets." Gaby and Bree turn up Gaby's walkway. "Yes, Susan looked on this street and vowed she would be back. But as she did so, she didn't notice the car that passed her. A car carrying Wisteria Lane's newest resident." Lee leads someone whose face we can't see into the house, telling him there's some paperwork and then he can give him the keys. Lee knows he's going to like it here; it's a lovely neighborhood. It's Paul Young, who says he knows the neighborhood well; he used to live here. Lee says he guesses everyone will be surprised to see him again. Paul: "Oh, they absolutely will."
I thought they were adding too many unrelated mysteries to the mix to wrap it all up by the end (sound familiar?), but they did a good job tying up loose ends so they can move on to the thing year. And the thing could be good and juicy with a supervillain like Paul back in the picture.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see our favorite Desperate psychopaths. And check back soon for the full weecap!
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