Previously on The Bane Of Sars's Existence: Jen weepily told Drue that she doesn't want to go to New York, and Drue told her that not going wouldn't make her weak; Gretchen pink-slipped Dawson; Pacey wigged on Joey and told her that his relationship with her makes him feel like he's nothing, and she told him to go to hell; Sars's stomach petitioned the court for status as an emancipated organ.
Fade up on the caf, where Jen "Manhattan Transfer" Lindley is pressing Jack "Queer In The Headlights" McPhee for details about Tobey so that she can continue living vicariously through him. She uses the words "juicy" and "morsel," which Jack objects to: "It cheapens me." Um…nah, no comment. Yet. Jen asks if Jack and Tobey have plans to go out again, and Jack says that they do. "And?" "And that's all you're getting." Jen reminds him that she got them together in the first place, so he owes her details. Jack continues to -- okay, I would say "stonewall" here, but it just doesn't work, for obvious reasons. Jen tells him not to make her beg, because she will if she has to, and at that moment "And Baby Makes" Drue Valentine sits down with his shiny silver coffee thermos and tells Jen that begging is a "good look for" her. Jen says not unkindly that apparently she's off her game, because usually she can "smell [Drue] coming a mile away," and Drue, also not unkindly, tells her to make nice or he won't give them their yearbooks, and he produces said tomes with a flourish. Awfully big yearbook for such a small school, "set designers." Anyway, Jack and Jen pounce on them, but Jen smells a rat, so Drue asks how many prom-drowning rescues he has to perform before Jen accepts "the new [him.]" "Maybe one, or…two," she twinkles; Jack looks back and forth between them, smirking. Drue suggests that they turn to page 53 and bow their heads in a moment of silence. Shot of the class couple photo of Pacey and Joey. Heartbroken, Ironic Piano. Jen wonders if they've seen it yet. "I wonder if they're talking yet," Jack adds. Drue doesn't think anyone besides Jack and Jen "cares" about the Pacey-Joey drama, but Jack and Jen ignore him; Jen says that the two of them haven't said "so much as a 'hello' since the prom debacle" as far as she knows, and Jack observes that "the same goes for Dawson and Gretchen." Jen says she's confused by the Dawson-Gretchen bust-up, since she thought sure that one would last, but Jack blathers on about how "long-distance relationships can be tough" and makes believe that Dawson's really going to Los Angeles year and if anyone gets back together his money's on Joey and Pacey blah blah blah fishcakes. Drue rolls his eyes and says he's heard enough talk; it's time to take some action. He pulls out a twenty and rustles it invitingly. Jack and Jen half-laugh as Drue asks which couple "will live to suck face another day," and Jen says with mock gravity that "it's disgusting" to bet on that, and Jack says with his patented Serious Face Denoting Upcoming Hilarity that "it's really inappropriate, Drue." Beat. Jack: "Jen, spot me two bucks." Hee! The cash comes out, and Jen throws Jack a twenty and tells him to "take it all the way, baby," and as a cat gets fitted with a novelty pet mortarboard, Dawson "Goin' Back To Cali -- Yo, Man, I Don't Think So" Leery and Joey "Without Cause" Potter come up to the table and say "what's up." Van Der Beek has a new 'do going -- shorter in the back and closer to his natural color -- and while it's still kind of bad and has way too much gel and a part that's all wrong for his face, it's a huge improvement. Go Team Hair. Anyway, Jack, Jen, and Drue guiltily slam their yearbooks closed, and Jack covers by asking if they've eaten yet. Jen shows them a photo: "Cute, huh?" Dawson and Joey, oblivious to the neon sign flashing "OBVIOUS DISTRACTION RUSE" above the table, lean in to check out the picture, and we go to credits.
Scenes of Capeside, punctuated by the sultry stylings of the ovary du jour, before we come to rest in the Sanctum Dawsonorum, where Dawson is working at his state-of-the-art computer with its expensively giant monitor. Gale "Fighting Weight" Leery knocks and comes in: "Busy?" Dawson throws the Ford Exposition into overdrive, telling her that he's editing the Brooks thing to send it to USC; if he wants to get into the summer program out there, he has to send the film out the day. Gale gets to the point, asking if he's "talked to Gretchen yet." "Yet"? She dumped him. There's no "yet" here. Dawson says more or less the same thing -- "there's not really much to talk about" -- but Gale keeps at him, asking if he's okay with the way he and Gretchen left things. He's "not doing cartwheels," he shrugs, but "what do you expect?" He adds that he's sure they'll eventually "find a way to restore" their friendship. Gale points out that it's hard to restore a friendship "when you're not speaking," and Dawson says mildly that it's his friendship, so he'll handle it. Ordinarily, I'd bitch about Dawson giving his mom tone here, but he's not as smug as usual, and besides, my brother has blocked our mother's end runs with "Ma -- you're on a need-to-know basis" a hundred times, so I'll leave it alone. Gale, unconvinced, nods and takes her cue to leave, but she's walking so slowly that you just know she's got something else to say. Sure enough, she turns around all conflicted and frowny to say, "Gretchen's leaving town." Dawson, irritated: "When? How do you know?" Duh, Dawson; she's Gretchen's boss. Read the script. Gale says that Gretchen gave notice a couple of days before: "Today's her last day at the restaurant." Dawson, miffed, guesses Gretchen's leaving "soon, then," and Gale thought he'd want to know, in case he wanted to say goodbye. Dawson sulks that Gretchen didn't tell him herself that she's leaving, so obviously she didn't want him to know, and I actually see where he's coming from, but Gale tells him that he doesn't know what Gretchen's thinking; she adds too-innocently that he could "go over there and find out." Dawson snorts dismissively, but Gale suggests that he bring Gretchen his yearbook to sign: "It's a good way to start a conversation." Not a bad point, but still -- step back, Gale. Dawson snorts again all "you've gotta be kidding me" and says that he appreciates what Gale's trying to do, but calls the idea "painfully lame" and adds that it's "such a thinly-veiled attempt at reconciliation" that he's not even sure "there's a veil there." Heh. Gale rolls her eyes and says that maybe he can think of something better, then, but if Dawson wants to keep Gretchen in his life, he'll have to talk to her, and he'll have to "do it soon." Gale leaves. Dawson sighs and stares absently at his yearbook.
Witterschloss. Pacey "The Green Monster" Witter is under the hood of the Gretchenmobile, tinkering. Enter Gretchen "Alpha Hydroxy Female" Witter with lunch. Car talk. Now it's Gretchen's turn behind the wheel of the Exposition as she says that she talked to the landlord, and the rent is paid up through the end of month, and then their lease is done. Pacey thanks her for dealing with that, and she says it's payment for the work he's done on her car. Gretchen gives him the older-sister eye and asks how he's doing. He's had better days, he reports glumly, and asks about her and whether she's talked to Dawson lately. She shakes her head, sort of ashamed, and confesses that she doesn't know whether she's avoiding Dawson or if it's the other way around; Pacey says he knows what she means, and product-places his can of Country Time lemonade. "Really?" Gretchen asks. "Same thing," Pacey nods tersely. Gretchen expresses her condolences. Instead of answering, Pacey asks if she thinks they'd feel better dealing with their "significant exes" instead of "holing up" at the Witterschloss. Probably, Gretchen sighs, "but that doesn't mean I'm actually ready to go out there and cope." No, neither is Pacey. "Maybe it's genetic," he cracks. Gretchen smiles ruefully.
Ryan Home. Jen lets herself in to find a realtor taking the Exposition from zero to sixty in eight seconds -- "the house just went on the market a few days ago," and she's sure it's not going to stay on the market long. A prepped-out middle-aged couple nods and eyes the walls, and Prepped-Out Husband makes noises about tearing out the upstairs room while Prepped-Out Wife says something about "lots of steel," like, yeah, these two whale-belt-and-twin-set-wearing sourballs know the first thing about Bauhaus design. Whatever. Jen interrupts, "That's my room." The realtor, responding without really acknowledging Jen, says nervously that "there's lots of possibilities" and suggests that the Prepped-Outs take another look around. The Prepped-Outs smile condescendingly at Jen and move off to continue appraising the house, and the realtor approaches Jen, introducing herself and congratulating Jen on "Boston Bay College, by the way," like, what? Jen's all, "Yeah, yeah -- who are you?" The realtor: "Didn't you know? Your grandmother's selling her house." Jen stares at her all, "Um, no. Now get out." And there's no way that Grams as written would put the house up and not tell Jen first. Pah.
At the Yacht Club, Joey sets up tables on the veranda; enter Mr. Kubelik, whom we met in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," to say he'd hoped to find Joey there and to ask if she's coming to his party the night. Joey wouldn't miss it. Mr. K then puts his foot dead in it by asking if she's bringing "that charming boyfriend of [hers]," Pacey, since he "certainly livened up the last one." Joey takes about twenty minutes to stammer out that she and Pacey "kind of broke up." Mr. K is "sorry to hear that," and then asks if "[they're] still on good terms, right?" Yeah, like that's his business. Mind your own, Mr. K. Joey, thrown for a loop, lies that yes, they "talk all the time." Mr. K says that he and Dean Newman had hoped to "chat" with Pacey at the party "about a rather pressing matter." Joey expositions, "The dean of admissions?" Significantly, Mr. K says only that they have "an offer" that they want to discuss with Pacey. Joey babbles that in that case, she's sure Pacey would love to come to the party, and Mr. K says he'll see them both there. Mr. K takes his leave. Joey looks quietly thrilled.
At the Ryan Home, Grams "On The Verge" Ryan snips at Jen that she didn't know she needed Jen's permission to sell her own house. Jen snips back that, since Grams is "basically doing this for" Jen in the first place, perhaps she should have "some say in the matter." And what makes Jen think she's doing it for her? Jen snorts in disbelief and tells Grams to look her in the eye and tell her that it's not about sending Jen to college. Grams refuses to look her in the eye but does admit that yes, money from the house "will primarily go towards" Jen's tuition -- but it's not the only reason. Huh? Okay, Jen hates her parents, but they have more money than God. Wouldn't they pay for her schooling, if only to buy her silence? It doesn't make sense. Oh, why do I bother. Jen smirks tolerantly and tells Grams to "by all means enlighten" her. Grams explains with a hint of impatience that Jen's "moving on to the phase" of her life, and Grams herself needs to "do the same," so she's decided to move to La Brea Park. Jen's all, "Who in the what, now? That's a retirement community." Grams purses her lips and shakes her head as Jen rambles on about lawn bowling and Metamucil (heh) and says that Grams is "far too young and far too hip to be living in a place like that." Yeah, seriously. Grams PSAs that just because it's a retirement community doesn't mean that it's bad, and accuses Jen of ageism, so Jen backtracks and splutters that she's not ageist, and she wants to see "this fabulous Park of yours." Grams shoots her a knowing look.
IHOF. Dawson lurks in, yearbook in hand. Behind the bar, Gretchen futzes with pint glasses. Mmm…pints. Dawson waits for her to notice him, and when she does, she freezes, then forces out a half-scared, half-happy "hey, you." Dawson stares at her all stalkery: "Hey." Awkward pause. Dawson puts the yearbook on the bar, saying he thought she might want to sign it, and Gretchen looks at it all "oh, high school, how quaint." Shut up, Gretchen. Dawson adds passive-aggressively, "Before you leave town." Gretchen, busted: "Well, you're nothing if not direct." I wouldn't call what Dawson said "direct" at all, actually. "Gretchen, my mom told me that you planned to bolt without saying goodbye, and that sucks and hurts my feelings"? That's direct. Now Dawson makes with the direct, though, asking if she'd really had it in mind to "just slip out of town" without telling him, and Gretchen admits that she "was thinking about it, yeah, maybe," and Dawson gets all snitty and snatches the yearbook back and tells her to forget he even stopped by, then, and he puts his thumb in his mouth and prepares to toddle off. Gretchen, tears in her voice: "Or maybe I was thinking about how to say goodbye to you all week." Dawson stops, reluctantly, and fixes her with an unforgiving stare before relenting: "So where you goin'?" Back to school; she can make up some credits in summer session. When do classes start? Not for a month, but Gretchen wants to take a road trip while she still has the time. "Sounds like fun." Awkward pause. Lovelorn Guitar Of Regret. Gretchen leaps into the breach by announcing that she leaves day after . Dawson stammers, "You do…that soon?" "I know." "That's really soon -- I feel ill-prepared," Dawson grumps, throwing in a nostril mini-flare for emphasis. Gretchen jokes that Dawson has a whole day and a half to come up with a "fantastic going-away speech" for her, but Dawson takes her seriously: "All right." Gretchen's smile turns sad as she adds that she "would like to sign" his yearbook. Dawson sighs and hands over the 2001 Tricorn. Heh. "Corn." Gretchen fondles the edge and asks if she can "have some time with it." Dawson says sure, as long as she knows that, the longer she has it, "the less acceptable 'have a bitchin' summer' is gonna be." Snerk. "Okay." Awkward pause. Staring. Heartbroken, Ironic Piano. "Okay." More staring. Dawson finally walks out.
Witterschloss. Joey raises her hand to knock, then stops and presses her fingers along her forehead. Okay, Katie Holmes's acting has ruled lately, but that bit of blocking has really got to go. She does it about fifty times per episode, and it's like she's showing off her manicure or something. Anyway, Joey steels herself and knocks briskly, then jams her hands in her pockets and looks down. Pacey answers the door, looking deliberately blank. Joey says hi, and Pacey jokes that he wondered if she'd ever knock. Joey, busted: "You saw me standing out here?" Pacey pulls a "yes" face but says, "Nah." Joey steels herself again, steps inside, and goes into a stuttery speech about running into Mr. K, remember him, the Worthington guy, he remembered Pacey, there's this party for the new freshmen, Mr. K wants Joey to bring Pacey, blah blah blah, and the whole time she's looking as far down and to the right as she can. Pacey, looking a little angry, nods along. Babble on, you crazy Potter: "And he thought that we were still together, and I said that things were weird between us but then he said he had this offer for you in which he mentioned the dean of admissions, and I'm thinking what else could he be talking about other than [gasp for air] Worthington and you, and you know, maybe there's some loophole or he, there's some special program and I, I --" Pacey, looking nauseated, interrupts this Emmy-caliber rendition of "screamingly uncomfortable interaction between exes" to tell her in a husky voice, "I miss you, Jo." Joey finally looks at him. Pacey looks away, sickened at himself. Awkward pause. Joey whispers that she misses him too. Struggling to maintain, Pacey says that he's thought about everything that happened "at that stupid prom," and it "wasn't supposed to end like that." He takes a deep breath. Joey is looking down again. "We're not supposed to end like that, right?" Joey flicks her eyebrow all "don't ask me, you did the dumping" and quavers that she wishes he'd come to the party with her. Pacey nods, "Yeah, of course." Joey nods back. Awkward pause. "See you tomorrow," she chokes out, and wanders out of the Witterschloss at a leisurely please-stop-me-and-take-it-all-back pace. Pacey doesn't stop her or take it all back, just watches her go with a tiny, inscrutable smile. Then he starts to close the door, stops when it's halfway closed, looks out after Joey again, and finishes closing the door. The writing in that scene? Very close to credible. The acting? Kicked ass. I know, I know, but like Janis tells us, get it while you can.
"Now I know that ain't the 7-Up, Ritchie." Hee hee! Farting in the pool = funny.
Coming out of the grocery store, Pacey wonders how many Funyuns a tiny thing like Gretchen could possibly eat "on one little road trip." Mmm…Funyuns. Gretchen tells him not to change the subject. He denies doing so. Gretchen doesn't think he should go to the Worthington party; whether he and Joey belong together or not, they need some time apart to process, or they'll make the same mistakes again. The Funyuns get another product placement in a shot over Pacey's shoulder as Gretchen tells him, "Trust me, I know from whence [sic] I speak." It's "whereof," hon. And shut up. Pacey calls her "Miss Pack-Up-And-Leave-Town," and on that basis tells her to stow it. Word. Gretchen frowns and says that she's just trying to help; she doesn't want to see him get hurt. Too late, he says; he's already hurt, but he's trying to fix that, and going to the party could help him do that. Huh? He's "hurt"? How? He dumped Joey. "Bummed" I could accept, or "crying inside," or "depressed," but "hurt"? No. Nice try on the historical rewrite, but -- whatever, Pacey. Anyhow. He wants to see "what the gods have in store" for him. Gretchen waxes skeptical about "Kubelik and his mysterious offer." Pacey knows it's "a long shot," but he's got no choice -- he needs a sign, "someone or something to tell [him] what to do," he doesn't know what's right, blah blingety blah, and if he gets an offer to go to Worthington, he'll have his answer and he'll know for sure, blah. Gretchen, puzzled: "What will you know?" Pacey uh-duhs, "Well, that I'm supposed to be with her." Do I have to say anything here? Okay, good, because -- argh. And whatever. And…not. Gretchen thinks the same thing, but holds her tongue. Pacey says that, if it's okay with Gretchen, he'll just walk home. She nods that it's fine. He looks at her and says, "So this is it -- you're really gonna leave tomorrow morning." "Long before you're up, snoozer," she teases him. He lurches forward and gives her a huge hug -- aw -- and she laughs, "What's this?" He tells her he's really glad she came home this year, and she teases him some more that he "got a sweet beach house out of the deal," but he wants her to know that her little brother -- well, you know. "I love you too, Pace," she smiles. He grins back. She adds that, "all familial obligations aside," she likes him, too. "You're not so bad yourself," he tells her. Another hug. They say goodbye. Um…huh? They wouldn't see each other at the Witterschloss before she leaves? Okay, not bothering, let's move on.
La Brea Park. Unfunny "wackiness" involving parking passes and old women chasing them in golf carts. Long story short, La Brea la blows.
Leery Lakes. A shot of the end credits of Dawson's magnum dopus; then Mitch "The Flash" Leery turns off the TV and tells Dawson that he doesn't know how, but Dawson managed to make Mr. Brooks "seem like Harrison Ford." Dawson, leaning on the doorjamb: "So it's okay, then." The Flash blathers on about "as your father" blah blah blah "prone to subjectivity" blah blah blah "when USC calls and begs you to join their program" blah blah blah Flashcakes. Short form: he thinks it's great. Dawson flops into an uncomfortable-looking wicker chair. The Flash notes that evidently Dawson's mind is "on other things" -- does he want to talk about it? Not really. He thanks his dad for watching the dopus; he needed an opinion besides Mr. Brooks's: "I mean, how could a man with an ego that big not love a movie that's all about him?" Projecting issues, table for one. The Flash isn't letting him off so easily, though, segueing -- about as gracefully as Star Jones on a pair of stilts, might I add -- into the subject of Gretchen by saying that Mr. Brooks really reminds him of Dawson. Dawson reacts incredulously, but The Flash cites "that part where he talks about that girl," and jumping over the counter, and they didn't even know each other, and feh, and "who does that?" "Hitchhikers," Dawson wise-asses, but The Flash corrects him, "Risk-takers. Dreamers," and goes on in an overly serious movie-trailers-narrator voice about people realizing that opportunities present themselves and change their lives "for-ev-er," like, The Flash? We get it. We've gotten it, many times. We will continue to get it in the future. We have met the getting and it is us, forever and ever world without "we don't get it," amen, to get or not to get, that is the question, and as it happens, the answer to that question is "we get it," we have nothing to get but getting it itself, ask not what "we get it" can do for you but what you can do for "we get it," namely nothing, because we get it, one small step for "we get it" and one giant leap for you SHUTTING UP, brevity is the SOUL of "we get it," all your base are belong to "we get it," a house divided against itself STILL gets it, we get it, we get it, WE GET IT, FOR THE LOVE OF BEER AND SKITTLES, WE FUCKING GET IT! SO! SHUT! UP! But does The Flash shut up? NO! He keeps JABBERING ON about men "lucky enough to see these moments"! Dawson could go out to California by himself! Brooks didn't! He saw! He knew! "Inspiration"! "Yeah, I guess he is"! We know! Because, see, the "it" to which you insist on referring repeatedly, time out of mind, endlessly, into the fourth dimension? Yeah, that "it"? THAT'S THE ONE WE GET!
Witterschloss. Gretchen packs. As she comes out the back door with a box, she comes up on Dawson, who says all panicked that he thought she didn't leave until the day. She's not; she's just "pre-packing" the car. What's up? Dawson takes the box from her, puts it down, takes a deep breath, and says with his jaw set all manly-style, "I wanna go with you." Gretchen, incredulously but not unhappily, makes "whuh?" noises and asks why. Dawson says that if Gretchen leaves now, he'll always wonder: "What if there were no pending college departures, what if there were no job offers in Boston, what if there was no Joey, what if it was just you and me, on the open road, with nothing but our hearts to guide us, would we have worked." Gretchen is smiling, but speechless, and Dawson says that if she doesn't belong there anymore, that's fine, and then he kicks it promo-style: "Let's get outta here, and just -- see what happens." Gretchen grins happily, but comes to her senses and says it's crazy; he "can't just pick up and leave." Give him one good reason. Well, graduation. Dawson makes fun of having to listen to people talk for three hours (not a bad point), the goofy cap and gown (ditto -- but let me just throw in a quick sidebar here. Girls? Don't pin the cap to the back of your head. It doesn't save your hairdo, and it looks really…well, for lack of a better word, it looks really Jersey. Put it on your head straight; it's one day out of your life. Okay, I feel better now), blah dee blah, and says that "that experience is not rich enough for [him]." Yeah. Best of luck selling your parents on that, Dawson, because they who pay for college call the tune, and the name of the tune is "Put Up With The Picture-Taking And The Kissy-Kissy With Your Crazy Aunts, Ingrate," so start dancing, and also, Gretchen didn't invite you to come with her in the second place, so shut up.
No joy -- Dawson babbles on some more about regretting not having the guts to go with her for the rest of his life. Oh, god. Please shut up, Dawson. More "this is crazy" from Gretchen, which Dawson heartily agrees with, repeating synonyms in MS Word for "crazy" all proud of himself and telling her that she can't think of one good reason that he shouldn't come with her. Here's the thing: I'd really like him to shut up, because the plot is so insipid, but Van Der Beek is doing a pretty good job with the whole pulling-out-all-the-stops goofiness thing. Anyway, Dawson sidles up kissing-close and says, "Something in my gut is telling me that this is our moment. We can't let this slip by." He then punctuates this sentiment about his gut by ripping a Jockey-scorching fart that sizzles in the air for a good seven seconds or so, sending Gretchen to her knees gagging and -- okay, not really. Just trying to liven things up a bit here. But if Dawson farts on this show, audibly, ever, I am buying the sound guy a car. I mean it. Dawson floating an air biscuit? Would completely rule. Aaaaaanyway, Gretchen starts to argue with him, but he kisses her. She's all schmooped out. "Just say yes," he leers. Staring. Ovary Of False Hope. "Yes!" Dawson smiles, victorious. Hugging. Ovary. Useless extension of subplot that we already know goes nowhere because we've seen the previews containing Dawson in his (Skydome-sized) cap and gown. Commercials.
Mmm…Vanilla Bean Coolatta.
Back to the Sanctum, where Dawson has penciled "Dear Mom & Dad" on a piece of notebook paper and is now staring at it. Oh, who cares? Again, we've seen the previews. We know he's not going with Gretchen. Anyway, Gale comes in with a contrived "crisis" at the restaurant, so Dawson has to baby-sit Lillian "Mommy, Call My Agent" Leery for a few hours. Gale babbles on about Lily recognizing Dawson already -- yeah, he's that big greasy blob that blocks out all the light in the room. She's a newborn, not an idiot -- and asks if he talked to Gretchen, and Dawson says all lie-of-omission that Gretchen's coming over later, and Gale is glad and blah. After Gale takes off, Dawson tells Lily not to "look at [him] like that," and technically he didn't lie. Lily gurgles. Dawson goes back to the letter, then turns to tell Lily that he doesn't feel guilty about "the whole Mom-and-Dad thing," and he's saving them from a long ceremony, which is a gift. Lily's like, "Yeah. Fine. Let me sleep already." Then Dawson admits that it's not a gift, but he's spent eighteen years making everyone else happy, and now he wants to "pursue" some happiness of his own. I can't even touch that one. Lily: "Do I look like I care? I'm two weeks old over here! Bring on the bottle or cram it." Dawson wonders aloud why he's having such a hard time writing the letter if he doesn't feel guilty. Shot of his hairy arm. Piano Of Realization. Lily: "[Poot!]" Because a baby farting = funny.
No, she didn't really fart. But I can dream.
Worthington party. Mr. K introduces Pacey to the dean of admissions. The dean has heard "all sorts of wonderful things" about Pacey. Pacey is super polite and smiley, thinking he's going to get a bid to attend Worthington. Nope -- the dean has chartered Mr. K's yacht for the summer, and after a bit of roundabout quizzing as to Pacey's sailing experience, he's offered a job on the yacht "as one of the deck hands." Ouch. Pacey's face falls faster than a French prizefighter; he tries to play it off, asking if that's all they wanted to talk to him about. The men don't notice, saying that the pay's not the greatest but he'll have time to himself and so on and so forth. Pacey diplomatically calls the offer "unexpected," and says that he's flattered. Mr. K tells him to take some time to think it over, and he and the dean wander away. Pacey's lower lip buckles briefly, but he recovers, then looks over at Joey chatting it up with Davy Jones and the other Biffs in her class.
Front porch of the Ryan Home. Jen is outlining her plan for Jack -- she'll go to "State" for a few semesters and save up her money, and she'll meet him at Boston Bay College in a year or two. Jack pointedly sips his coffee, stares at her, and pointedly sips some more. Jen rambles on, saying she's sure he can understand her situation here, Grams leading a "destitute existence," frat parties, it's not right, she won't do it, whatever. Um, why would she? Can't one person take a goddamn student loan on this goddamn show? Contrivance chugs a diet cola, then lets loose with a belch that rattles my kitchen windows as I wonder to myself why the writers insist on mucking about with these college-related storylines that any viewer over the age of seven could rip to shreds in two minutes. Jesus. Jack sniffs that the coffee's "awfully foamy." Jen tries again, saying that Grams took her in and she can't turn her back on Grams now; Grams needs her. Okay, that's a nice sentiment, but Grams doesn't "need" anything but her own spin-off, mmmkay? Still, Jack nods, "Yeah." Jen, not quite believing that he's on her side: "Yeah?" Jack thinks what she's doing for Grams "is beautiful, and…awfully selfless." Jen thanks him. But Jack also calls it "convenient," and when Jen asks for the rest of the "but," Jack sarcastically observes that, while Jen's "clearly swimming in a vat of guilt" over ditching Jack "like this," she also seems suspiciously relieved that she doesn't have to go away to college, so she then becomes "Jen of Arc, martyr-saint," who sacrifices her own happiness for Grams's. Snick. Jen blows this off, asking why she wouldn't want to go away to college, and Jack snorts that she's scared; she feels safe in Capeside, and Grams cares for her. Jen hears him, but "it's not that easy -- I can't just leave her alone." Jack knows that Jen and Grams need each other, but she should just admit it, and he himself admits that he'd be scared to go away to school without Jen. Aw. Jen cops to it, but doesn't know what to do. Jack: "I think you know what to do." Buh?
Worthington party. Pacey broods, in a verrrrry long circular pan. Joey comes out, saying she's "been looking all over for" him, which isn't true, but whatever -- she sees his face and asks what's wrong. Pacey tells her the true nature of the offer. Joey heaves a small, sad sigh. Awkward pause. Joey studies him, thinks for a second, then grabs his arm and says, "Let's go." Aw. Nice get on Joey's part -- now why couldn't she have behaved more sensitively when they actually had a relationship? Dawson-wise, I mean; Pacey's self-esteem is his own problem. Anyway, Pacey says that he'll go on his own; he watched her with her future classmates, "gliding from conversation to conversation with complete confidence and ease this time," and after the last Worthington party they went to, he kind of hoped that she would need him "to be [her] savior again tonight," but that's not the case. As Joey stares at him with a mixture of resentment and pity, he adds, "You don't need that now, everything's…different." He thinks that's a good thing, but adds that she's still the most beautiful girl in the room. Joey blanches and starts to say, "Pace…" but he interrupts to tell her that she can't leave, "this is it now," it's her life and she should enjoy it. Joey, trying valiantly not to cry, kicks it promo-style: "How can I enjoy it without you?" Pacey doesn't have an answer. Joey stares at him defiantly, then repeats, "Let's go," grabs his hand, and tows him out of there.
Dawson's in an oversized armchair with Lily in the crook of his elbow. He actually looks sort of jaunty; it's hard to describe, but I guess Van Der Beek is good with babies, because he's got the remote in one hand and the baby in the other, and he's just…I don't know…jaunty. Oh, shut up -- it's the twenty-first episode and I've got nothing here. Gretchen knocks gently on the doorjamb, and Dawson greets her in a don't-wake-the-baby whisper, asking if she's done packing. Chit-chat about making your own boxes. Chit-chat about the sleeping baby. Dawson lowers the baby into a bassinet, and Gretchen schmoops about "Papa Dawson" and how cute blah blah. Dawson blah blah never thought he'd get that into it blah blah getting attached to Lily blah blah she's so small and perfect blah. Gretchen smiles patiently. Then Dawson starts in on how Lily's about the same age as Alexander, and he wonders if they'll grow up climbing in and out of each other's windows and becoming best friends and -- well, I couldn't hear the rest of it, because Contrivance and Foreshadowing have plunked themselves down on my kitchen floor with a case of Fresca, and the belching contest is drowning out the dialogue. In Saskatoon. But I think the gist is that, once again, Gretchen gets kind of grossed out by the Joey reference. Breeeepp! Something about Dawson's letter to his parents. Braaaaaaaaaaack! He hasn't finished it, maybe? I can't make it out, and the captions keep garbling up. Beeeeeeyaaaarrr! Gretchen…something about "if that one's hard, wait till you try to write Joey's." Dawson looks at her all "the hell?" Rrrrruuuuuuuuck. She expected him to. To what? I don't know; I can't hear. Awkward pause. Gretchen should get back; she has to uurrrrrrrrrp -- "clean"? Didn't catch it. Blah. Kissing. Testicle singing about "memories." Gretchen, meaning it: "Goodbye." Dawson, thinking she means "see you later": "Bye."
PB&B. Pacey drops Joey home and makes to leave, and she thanks him for coming, and he thanks her for asking him, and there's awkward "sorry"-ing, and Pacey says she doesn't "have anything to be sorry for" -- it's him. He makes to leave again, but she stops him and asks if she can come home with him: "We could just…sleep?" "Yeah," he whispers, his heart leaking out of his eyes. They hug, and Pacey clutches her hair in his fist, and Joey rests her head on his shoulder and tries not to cry.
Yo -- that's brisk, baby! Aaaaaaaarrrrccckk!
Ryan Home. Kitchen. Grams makes pancakes -- mmm, pancakes -- as Jen pads sleepily into the kitchen. Grams pounces on her, asking if she talked to Jack the night before, and if he told her she's "making the biggest mistake of [her] life." Jen would like to start with "good morning" and perhaps some "java," and Grams snaps that they don't call coffee "java" at the Ryan Home (heh), and asks again what Jack said. Jen cranks up the coffee grinder so she won't have to answer (heh redux). Grams rolls her eyes halfway to Maine and says that if Jen wants to "play games," fine, that's just fine: "I'm really not that interested anyway." Got her -- Jen smirks, "How would you like to move to Boston?" Grams busts out a meta-statement about the show, albeit in a put-upon tone of voice: "Now what kind of nonsense are you talking?" Jen hoists herself up on the counter and says there's "nothing nonsensical here at all" -- she's serious. Grams mock-frowns that she knows what Jen's trying to do, and that's why she loves Jen: "You have a big beautiful heart. But I will not allow you to do this -- for me." She stomps back to the table. Jen points out that maybe she's not doing it for Grams. Grams turns back around, looking worried, as Jen admits that going away to college scares her, but if she has Grams nearby, it'll scare her less, so "before [Grams goes] writing songs about [Jen's] big beautiful heart [heh for the hat trick!]," she should know that Jen's doing it for herself, not for Grams: "I’m doing this 'cause my big selfish heart wants you to be there, so -- will you please go with me?" On my count, okay? One, two, three: Awwwwww! Grams sputters for a moment before calling it an "overwhelming concept" and saying she wouldn't know where to start. Jen thinks "calling movers" would get the ball rolling, but Grams snorts that "it's not that simple," and Jen sasses back that that's true, she'll have a tough time finding a place "as nice as La Brea Park." Grams greets this with a smaller eye-roll than the first one, and asks what she'd do in Boston, anyway: "How would I spend my time?" Jen thinks that maybe a "change of scenery" would inspire Grams to "try new things, meet new people." Grams scoffs that she's "too old for such things" -- this, from a woman who jacked an illegal U-turn at fifty miles an hour last season -- and Jen gets my back, giggling that Grams has "seen more action in the romance department than I have this year." I hear that. Sigh. Jen walks over to Grams and fiddles with Grams's hair, telling her to "just quit it with these pitiful excuses and -- say yes." Grams stares off into space. Jen rests her chin on Grams's shoulder all "pleeeeeeease?" Grams says with fake sternness that she doesn't want to "cramp [Jen's] style." "I'm sure you will," Jen smiles. Grams mock-glares at her. Jen bobs up and down eagerly. They mock-pout at each other. Grams shakes her head, then rests it on Jen's, smiling in spite of herself. Awwww.
Marina. Joey finds Pacey parking his ass on a boat and -- what else? -- indulging in some of that patented Dawson's Creek Brooding In The Great Outdoors. Joey says she knew she'd find him there. Pacey looks a little guilty, and says he meant to sneak back in before she got up. "How long have you been out here?" A couple of hours, maybe -- he watched the sun come up, which he probably hadn't done since they spent the summer on the "True Love." Sadly, he asks, "Seems like a million years ago, doesn't it?" And again I say -- try recapping it. Joey twists her mouth, then takes a seat beside him and apologizes again for "dragging" him to the party and "bringing back all of those bad feelings." Pacey's face hardens, but he tells her that it's not her fault: "None of this is your fault. You're…not the reason that we broke up." Well, not for the reasons he claims, anyway. I wouldn't let Joey off the hook that easily, but the writers have decided to make it About Pacey's Issues, so I might as well just go with the flow. OF ALCOHOL. (Buuuurrripp!) Joey shoots him a "well, that helps…not" look: "I thought that you said…" "I know what I said. And it makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it." Get in line, bud. Blah blah blah his insecurities blah blah blah making her feel guilty about her accomplishments blah blah blah "I'm so proud of you." Um, "cakes." "I know you are," Joey whispers. Pacey heaps more coals on his own head, saying that he turned into the stereotypical guy who tweaks when his girlfriend gets a better job than he does. He hates that guy. Joey says he's not that guy. Well, he feels like that guy. He wishes he could let it roll off his back, but he can't. He got jealous at the party -- not of Joey, but of the guys who would get to "experience" her year (ew…?), they'll get to "be with" her and he won't, yeah yeah, we've heard it before. Either get back together or break up for real, but for Pete's sake get on with it. Joey frowns, then says that she thought Mr. K's offer "would be the answer to all [their] problems -- a sign, you know?" Pacey laughs mirthlessly that he does know, and he thinks that "it was a sign, just not the one that [they] were hoping for." Joey frowns some more. Pacey adds, "But at least we got a better ending this time. I am grateful for that." "Better" -- huh? Better how? You've BROKEN UP, for essentially NO REASON! What's "better" here -- that Joey knows she's gotten into Worthington? She's only going because Dawson BOUGHT her! The. Hell? Joey reaches for Pacey's hand and whispers, "Me too." Um, you too WHAT? A testicle Joe-Cockers about ships coming in and checking the horizon, and I'd like to apologize to The Flash for screaming at him earlier in the recap, because now I totally don't get it. For real. I mean…huh?
Dawson packs and looks around his room broodily.
Witterschloss. Dawson gets out of the Jeep and heads for the porch, but brings up short when he sees his yearbook propped up on the balustrade. He takes it down and opens it to a bookmark: a picture of him and Gretchen laughing together. Dawson reads as Gretchen's voice-over goes on about thinking about what she'd say; thinking about saying it face-to-face, but knowing it would "be too hard"; she needs to move on, and he needs to stay there: "You're opening a new chapter, and you have to give a proper goodbye to the old one." I won't miss Gretchen's cliché-o-matic sensei crap, I'll tell you what, but she's got a point. Cross-fade to Pacey staring out to sea, then back to Dawson. More Gretchen VO about living these moments, "even the sad ones, because you'll never get them back. So enjoy this time." Savor it, make the memories strong, never give up, never surrender, baby we were born to run, you get the idea. Cross-fade to Joey, still trying not to cry -- but she's by herself, so I don't see why she's all Composure Queen about it -- as Gretchen VO talks about not needing to spend a month in the car to fall in love with Dawson, because she already did. She bids him goodbye and thanks him for changing her life and opening her heart again: "You'll never know how much it meant to me." Okay, okay -- wrap it up, Senior Discount. And she does, bidding him to "have a bitchin' summer." Dawson and I both snort. Then Dawson flares his nostrils and looks genuinely disappointed.
Later, Joey sits on the pier. Dawson comes to sit beside her, remarking that he hasn't seen her all weekend. "I know," Joey says. Pause Of The Lovelorn. Dawson: "You do anything good?" Joey thinks about answering honestly, then decides not to get into it: "No, not really. You?" Dawson sighs, "No. Not really." Joey looks at him, offers up a commiserative "we suck" snort, and falls silent for a moment before asking what he's doing for the summer. Dawson thinks it over, sighs again, and says mildly, "This." Joey furrows her brow, shoots him a "well…okay then" look, and resumes staring into space. Zoom out to them sitting companionably together with their sucky lives; the testicle, observing that "we're waiting for our real lives to begin," ushers us into the end credits.
week: Pacey Witter graduates! And some other stuff, but my tape got cut off.