Previously on The Bane Of Sars's Existence: Jen weepily told Drue that she doesn't want to go to New York, and Drue told her that not going wouldn't make her weak; Gretchen pink-slipped Dawson; Pacey wigged on Joey and told her that his relationship with her makes him feel like he's nothing, and she told him to go to hell; Sars's stomach petitioned the court for status as an emancipated organ.
Fade up on the caf, where Jen "Manhattan Transfer" Lindley is pressing Jack "Queer In The Headlights" McPhee for details about Tobey so that she can continue living vicariously through him. She uses the words "juicy" and "morsel," which Jack objects to: "It cheapens me." Umnah, no comment. Yet. Jen asks if Jack and Tobey have plans to go out again, and Jack says that they do. "And?" "And that's all you're getting." Jen reminds him that she got them together in the first place, so he owes her details. Jack continues to -- okay, I would say "stonewall" here, but it just doesn't work, for obvious reasons. Jen tells him not to make her beg, because she will if she has to, and at that moment "And Baby Makes" Drue Valentine sits down with his shiny silver coffee thermos and tells Jen that begging is a "good look for" her. Jen says not unkindly that apparently she's off her game, because usually she can "smell [Drue] coming a mile away," and Drue, also not unkindly, tells her to make nice or he won't give them their yearbooks, and he produces said tomes with a flourish. Awfully big yearbook for such a small school, "set designers." Anyway, Jack and Jen pounce on them, but Jen smells a rat, so Drue asks how many prom-drowning rescues he has to perform before Jen accepts "the new [him.]" "Maybe one, ortwo," she twinkles; Jack looks back and forth between them, smirking. Drue suggests that they turn to page 53 and bow their heads in a moment of silence. Shot of the class couple photo of Pacey and Joey. Heartbroken, Ironic Piano. Jen wonders if they've seen it yet. "I wonder if they're talking yet," Jack adds. Drue doesn't think anyone besides Jack and Jen "cares" about the Pacey-Joey drama, but Jack and Jen ignore him; Jen says that the two of them haven't said "so much as a 'hello' since the prom debacle" as far as she knows, and Jack observes that "the same goes for Dawson and Gretchen." Jen says she's confused by the Dawson-Gretchen bust-up, since she thought sure that one would last, but Jack blathers on about how "long-distance relationships can be tough" and makes believe that Dawson's really going to Los Angeles year and if anyone gets back together his money's on Joey and Pacey blah blah blah fishcakes. Drue rolls his eyes and says he's heard enough talk; it's time to take some action. He pulls out a twenty and rustles it invitingly. Jack and Jen half-laugh as Drue asks which couple "will live to suck face another day," and Jen says with mock gravity that "it's disgusting" to bet on that, and Jack says with his patented Serious Face Denoting Upcoming Hilarity that "it's really inappropriate, Drue." Beat. Jack: "Jen, spot me two bucks." Hee! The cash comes out, and Jen throws Jack a twenty and tells him to "take it all the way, baby," and as a cat gets fitted with a novelty pet mortarboard, Dawson "Goin' Back To Cali -- Yo, Man, I Don't Think So" Leery and Joey "Without Cause" Potter come up to the table and say "what's up." Van Der Beek has a new 'do going -- shorter in the back and closer to his natural color -- and while it's still kind of bad and has way too much gel and a part that's all wrong for his face, it's a huge improvement. Go Team Hair. Anyway, Jack, Jen, and Drue guiltily slam their yearbooks closed, and Jack covers by asking if they've eaten yet. Jen shows them a photo: "Cute, huh?" Dawson and Joey, oblivious to the neon sign flashing "OBVIOUS DISTRACTION RUSE" above the table, lean in to check out the picture, and we go to credits.
“ Gale gets to the point, asking if he's 'talked to Gretchen yet.' 'Yet'? She dumped him. There's no 'yet' here. ”
Scenes of Capeside, punctuated by the sultry stylings of the ovary du jour, before we come to rest in the Sanctum Dawsonorum, where Dawson is working at his state-of-the-art computer with its expensively giant monitor. Gale "Fighting Weight" Leery knocks and comes in: "Busy?" Dawson throws the Ford Exposition into overdrive, telling her that he's editing the Brooks thing to send it to USC; if he wants to get into the summer program out there, he has to send the film out the day. Gale gets to the point, asking if he's "talked to Gretchen yet." "Yet"? She dumped him. There's no "yet" here. Dawson says more or less the same thing -- "there's not really much to talk about" -- but Gale keeps at him, asking if he's okay with the way he and Gretchen left things. He's "not doing cartwheels," he shrugs, but "what do you expect?" He adds that he's sure they'll eventually "find a way to restore" their friendship. Gale points out that it's hard to restore a friendship "when you're not speaking," and Dawson says mildly that it's his friendship, so he'll handle it. Ordinarily, I'd bitch about Dawson giving his mom tone here, but he's not as smug as usual, and besides, my brother has blocked our mother's end runs with "Ma -- you're on a need-to-know basis" a hundred times, so I'll leave it alone. Gale, unconvinced, nods and takes her cue to leave, but she's walking so slowly that you just know she's got something else to say. Sure enough, she turns around all conflicted and frowny to say, "Gretchen's leaving town." Dawson, irritated: "When? How do you know?" Duh, Dawson; she's Gretchen's boss. Read the script. Gale says that Gretchen gave notice a couple of days before: "Today's her last day at the restaurant." Dawson, miffed, guesses Gretchen's leaving "soon, then," and Gale thought he'd want to know, in case he wanted to say goodbye. Dawson sulks that Gretchen didn't tell him herself that she's leaving, so obviously she didn't want him to know, and I actually see where he's coming from, but Gale tells him that he doesn't know what Gretchen's thinking; she adds too-innocently that he could "go over there and find out." Dawson snorts dismissively, but Gale suggests that he bring Gretchen his yearbook to sign: "It's a good way to start a conversation." Not a bad point, but still -- step back, Gale. Dawson snorts again all "you've gotta be kidding me" and says that he appreciates what Gale's trying to do, but calls the idea "painfully lame" and adds that it's "such a thinly-veiled attempt at reconciliation" that he's not even sure "there's a veil there." Heh. Gale rolls her eyes and says that maybe he can think of something better, then, but if Dawson wants to keep Gretchen in his life, he'll have to talk to her, and he'll have to "do it soon." Gale leaves. Dawson sighs and stares absently at his yearbook.
Witterschloss. Pacey "The Green Monster" Witter is under the hood of the Gretchenmobile, tinkering. Enter Gretchen "Alpha Hydroxy Female" Witter with lunch. Car talk. Now it's Gretchen's turn behind the wheel of the Exposition as she says that she talked to the landlord, and the rent is paid up through the end of month, and then their lease is done. Pacey thanks her for dealing with that, and she says it's payment for the work he's done on her car. Gretchen gives him the older-sister eye and asks how he's doing. He's had better days, he reports glumly, and asks about her and whether she's talked to Dawson lately. She shakes her head, sort of ashamed, and confesses that she doesn't know whether she's avoiding Dawson or if it's the other way around; Pacey says he knows what she means, and product-places his can of Country Time lemonade. "Really?" Gretchen asks. "Same thing," Pacey nods tersely. Gretchen expresses her condolences. Instead of answering, Pacey asks if she thinks they'd feel better dealing with their "significant exes" instead of "holing up" at the Witterschloss. Probably, Gretchen sighs, "but that doesn't mean I'm actually ready to go out there and cope." No, neither is Pacey. "Maybe it's genetic," he cracks. Gretchen smiles ruefully.
Ryan Home. Jen lets herself in to find a realtor taking the Exposition from zero to sixty in eight seconds -- "the house just went on the market a few days ago," and she's sure it's not going to stay on the market long. A prepped-out middle-aged couple nods and eyes the walls, and Prepped-Out Husband makes noises about tearing out the upstairs room while Prepped-Out Wife says something about "lots of steel," like, yeah, these two whale-belt-and-twin-set-wearing sourballs know the first thing about Bauhaus design. Whatever. Jen interrupts, "That's my room." The realtor, responding without really acknowledging Jen, says nervously that "there's lots of possibilities" and suggests that the Prepped-Outs take another look around. The Prepped-Outs smile condescendingly at Jen and move off to continue appraising the house, and the realtor approaches Jen, introducing herself and congratulating Jen on "Boston Bay College, by the way," like, what? Jen's all, "Yeah, yeah -- who are you?" The realtor: "Didn't you know? Your grandmother's selling her house." Jen stares at her all, "Um, no. Now get out." And there's no way that Grams as written would put the house up and not tell Jen first. Pah.
At the Yacht Club, Joey sets up tables on the veranda; enter Mr. Kubelik, whom we met in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," to say he'd hoped to find Joey there and to ask if she's coming to his party the night. Joey wouldn't miss it. Mr. K then puts his foot dead in it by asking if she's bringing "that charming boyfriend of [hers]," Pacey, since he "certainly livened up the last one." Joey takes about twenty minutes to stammer out that she and Pacey "kind of broke up." Mr. K is "sorry to hear that," and then asks if "[they're] still on good terms, right?" Yeah, like that's his business. Mind your own, Mr. K. Joey, thrown for a loop, lies that yes, they "talk all the time." Mr. K says that he and Dean Newman had hoped to "chat" with Pacey at the party "about a rather pressing matter." Joey expositions, "The dean of admissions?" Significantly, Mr. K says only that they have "an offer" that they want to discuss with Pacey. Joey babbles that in that case, she's sure Pacey would love to come to the party, and Mr. K says he'll see them both there. Mr. K takes his leave. Joey looks quietly thrilled.
At the Ryan Home, Grams "On The Verge" Ryan snips at Jen that she didn't know she needed Jen's permission to sell her own house. Jen snips back that, since Grams is "basically doing this for" Jen in the first place, perhaps she should have "some say in the matter." And what makes Jen think she's doing it for her? Jen snorts in disbelief and tells Grams to look her in the eye and tell her that it's not about sending Jen to college. Grams refuses to look her in the eye but does admit that yes, money from the house "will primarily go towards" Jen's tuition -- but it's not the only reason. Huh? Okay, Jen hates her parents, but they have more money than God. Wouldn't they pay for her schooling, if only to buy her silence? It doesn't make sense. Oh, why do I bother. Jen smirks tolerantly and tells Grams to "by all means enlighten" her. Grams explains with a hint of impatience that Jen's "moving on to the phase" of her life, and Grams herself needs to "do the same," so she's decided to move to La Brea Park. Jen's all, "Who in the what, now? That's a retirement community." Grams purses her lips and shakes her head as Jen rambles on about lawn bowling and Metamucil (heh) and says that Grams is "far too young and far too hip to be living in a place like that." Yeah, seriously. Grams PSAs that just because it's a retirement community doesn't mean that it's bad, and accuses Jen of ageism, so Jen backtracks and splutters that she's not ageist, and she wants to see "this fabulous Park of yours." Grams shoots her a knowing look.
"Now I know that ain't the 7-Up, Ritchie." Hee hee! Farting in the pool = funny.
Coming out of the grocery store, Pacey wonders how many Funyuns a tiny thing like Gretchen could possibly eat "on one little road trip." MmmFunyuns. Gretchen tells him not to change the subject. He denies doing so. Gretchen doesn't think he should go to the Worthington party; whether he and Joey belong together or not, they need some time apart to process, or they'll make the same mistakes again. The Funyuns get another product placement in a shot over Pacey's shoulder as Gretchen tells him, "Trust me, I know from whence [sic] I speak." It's "whereof," hon. And shut up. Pacey calls her "Miss Pack-Up-And-Leave-Town," and on that basis tells her to stow it. Word. Gretchen frowns and says that she's just trying to help; she doesn't want to see him get hurt. Too late, he says; he's already hurt, but he's trying to fix that, and going to the party could help him do that. Huh? He's "hurt"? How? He dumped Joey. "Bummed" I could accept, or "crying inside," or "depressed," but "hurt"? No. Nice try on the historical rewrite, but -- whatever, Pacey. Anyhow. He wants to see "what the gods have in store" for him. Gretchen waxes skeptical about "Kubelik and his mysterious offer." Pacey knows it's "a long shot," but he's got no choice -- he needs a sign, "someone or something to tell [him] what to do," he doesn't know what's right, blah blingety blah, and if he gets an offer to go to Worthington, he'll have his answer and he'll know for sure, blah. Gretchen, puzzled: "What will you know?" Pacey uh-duhs, "Well, that I'm supposed to be with her." Do I have to say anything here? Okay, good, because -- argh. And whatever. Andnot. Gretchen thinks the same thing, but holds her tongue. Pacey says that, if it's okay with Gretchen, he'll just walk home. She nods that it's fine. He looks at her and says, "So this is it -- you're really gonna leave tomorrow morning." "Long before you're up, snoozer," she teases him. He lurches forward and gives her a huge hug -- aw -- and she laughs, "What's this?" He tells her he's really glad she came home this year, and she teases him some more that he "got a sweet beach house out of the deal," but he wants her to know that her little brother -- well, you know. "I love you too, Pace," she smiles. He grins back. She adds that, "all familial obligations aside," she likes him, too. "You're not so bad yourself," he tells her. Another hug. They say goodbye. Umhuh? They wouldn't see each other at the Witterschloss before she leaves? Okay, not bothering, let's move on.