Last week, Pacey admitted to an unconscious Joey that he'd never gotten over her, and they kissed. Millions of Joey/Pacey 'shippers all over North America found strange, high-pitched noises coming out of their mouths for the first time in years.
We open at some formal event. I try and read the posterboard propped outside of the ballroom, but all I can see is, "Fifth Annual Dinner and Ball." Let's call it The Finally Giving Them What They Want Ball. We pan past an ice sculpture of a swan and into the ballroom. Cole Porter's "You Do Something To Me" plays on the soundtrack. I love that song, so this puts me in a very good mood right off the bat. We finally arrive at Pacey's table. He's sitting between Joey and some blonde chick. The three of them are talking, but the blonde is certainly paying more attention to Pacey than she is to Joey. And Joey looks a bit bored, although she seems to be playing the good sport. We cut to underneath the table. Joey's taken off her strappy sandals, and one of them has somehow migrated out of the reach of her toes. She stretches and struggles, but she can't reach it with her foot. Pacey keeps flirting with The Blonde, as Joey contorts herself, trying to snag her shoe. The Blonde laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs at Pacey. Finally, Joey has to slide off her chair and crawl get under the table to grab her shoe. Underneath there, she looks over and sees The Blonde's hand resting on Pacey's upper thigh. She starts, and her head hits the table. Above board, the glasses and silverware jump. "Excuse me for a minute," Pacey says, and turns to Joey, who's emerged looking flustered. Bad cut here; during the shot of Pacey and The Blonde reacting to the jostling silverware, both her hands were on the table, when one of them was supposed to be on his leg. Someone fell asleep in the editing bay there.
Anyway, Pacey puts a fraternal arm around Joey. "Darling, I don't mean to pry, but would you mind telling me what the hell it is you're doing down there?" he asks. Joey asks if he'd mind telling her what the hell "that girl's hand is doing knee-deep on [his] lap?" Pacey makes a face -- perhaps at her bizarre use of the phrase "knee-deep" in this instance -- and plays dumb. "You heard me. Or perhaps you'd like me to involve the entire table. I'm sure her date would be at least marginally interested," Joey snaps. Pacey asks what her point is, exactly. Joey whines that she wants to go home. "I'm tired. I'm cranky. And I know you didn't read the fine print in our little rent-a-date contract, but it expires in exactly thirty-five minutes, so maybe you should just skip the subtleties and get her phone number?" Pacey rolls his eyes. "Okay, sis," he says, very loudly. Joey's jaw drops. "She thinks I'm your sister?" she yelps. Pacey takes a nearby fork and tosses it on the floor. "Whoops!" he says, and bends down to pick it up, drawing Joey down with him. He asks if she remembers the part about how this is a good networking opportunity for him. Joey hisses that he bamboozled her into going with him in the first place. "But you know what? We've networked. We've schmoozed. And unless you take me home now -- as in right now -- I think Little Miss Thing over there isn't going to be so interested when she sees your sister lean over and give you the tongue-kissing of your life." Pacey blinks. "Five minutes," he promises. Joey thanks him.
Pacey turns back to The Blonde and assures her that everything is okay. "Sisters!" he says, faux-exasperated. The Blonde smiles flirtatiously. "Yeah, and the guy I'm with is my brother," she twitters. Joey's crawled back under the table to get her shoe. Pacey wonders if he could call The Blonde sometime, and The Blonde purrs that he can, or they can ditch their dates, meet back in an hour, and go back to her place. Pacey blinks again, thrilled by his good fortune. "Unless you're really with that girl," The Blonde coos. "That girl?" Pacey parrots. "The one under the table?" The Blonde reminds him. Pacey assures her that he is most assuredly not with Joey. They agree to meet back in an hour. Joey finally climbs out from under the tablecloth, complaining that somehow, her shoe got all the way across the table. Pacey blusters that they can totally go now, and pulls Joey out of her chair before she even gets her shoe back on her foot. He drags her though the ballroom. "Come on, Cinderella," he says. Joey stumbles along behind him and wonders if he's got a "hot date" or something. "No, but a hot woman did just offer to have sex with me, no strings attached," he says. Joey rolls her eyes. "You're so cute when you're delusional," she snarks, as they trot out of the ballroom and right into the credits.
After the ads, we open on Joey and Pacey speeding down the highway in his BMW. "What the hell is happening to my butt right now?" Joey wonders. Oh, if I had a dollar…never mind. Pacey explains the concept of a seat warmer, which he says is standard on your more high-end German vehicles. "My lower half thanks you for moving so far up the socio-economic ladder," Joey says. So. Many. Dirty. Jokes. Can't. Recap. Properly. She then half-turns in her seat and points out that they've just missed their exit. Pacey nods and tells her they have to make a "pit stop." Joey's eyes bug out, and she whines that she has got to get home and get out of "these ridiculous clothes." Moreover, she says, she has an entire book to read before Flip-Flops's class. "Okay, simmer down," Pacey says. "This is going to delay you, like, two minutes." Joey just rolls her eyes.
The BMW pulls into the parking lot of a Big K-Mart. Joey wonders what, exactly, Pacey could possibly need at the K-Mart. Maybe he needs some nice Martha Stewart café curtains, Joey. Who are you to judge? Pacey stutters and sputters and finally says that he really, really needs laundry detergent. He gets out of the car. Joey follows suit -- in a beautiful, new, long formal coat -- and snaps that she doesn't think he's ever done laundry, in all the years she's known him. He turns and looks at her. "You can wait in the car," he says. "You expect me to sit out here while you're traipsing about the world's largest superstore?" Joey yelps. "That's right," Pacey says. "Wrong!" Joey retorts, and explains that she needs to pee. Also, K-Mart has so many delightful and inexpensively priced wares, it would be torture for her to sit in the car when she could be perusing the latest Blue Light Special™!
After a rather lengthy trek though the parking lot, they get up to the doors. Which are locked. "It can't be closed. There are people inside," Pacey says. Joey looks over at a door near them, where a security guard is letting shoppers out to the parking lot. Said security guard is distracted by a couple of kids, rolling around the parking lot on top of shopping carts, and Pacey and Joey sneak inside the K-Mart while his back is turned.
Joey and Pacey walk through the K-Mart, eventually parting ways as she heads off to the bathroom. Pacey, on the other hand, heads toward the condom aisle. The music in this scene is brilliant, by the way -- it's totally the K-Mart style muzak that makes me want to take my own life. Pacey stands in front of the condoms and eyes the selection. A greasy, weaselly little K-Mart employee sidles up to him. "Um. We're going to be closing soon?" he says. "Okay," Pacey responds. The employee doesn't leave, but just stands to Pacey and gives him the old Hey, Someone's Getting Laid! eyebrow. Pacey reaches past him to pick up some Trojans. "Very nice," the Weasel says. Pacey just raises his brows.
Pacey and Joey run into each other at the junction of men's shoes and cleaning supplies. Pacey quickly pockets the condoms. He tells Joey that he'll meet her at check-out. "No, I need you," Joey says, grabbing his hand. Pacey furrows his brow and asks if she can't go to the bathroom by herself. Joey says that's exactly what the problem is. "And why weren't you in the laundry aisle, anyway?" she asks. "Okay, let's go," Pacey says hurriedly, and hustles her toward the bathroom. "Thank you," Joey tells him.
Pacey leans against the wall and waits by the out-of-order ladies' room door while Joey pees in the men's room. "Is your sense of adventure so lacking that you can't use this washroom unattended?" he asks when she emerges. Joey explains that the lock on the men's room didn't work, and she really didn't want to be running into strange men in the K-Mart's men's room. "Who's going to walk in?" Pacey asks. "There's nobody here! The store is going to close in five minutes." And, right on key, all of the overhead lights click off.
Pacey and Joey run to the front door and scream and yell and pound frantically on the glass as all of the employees drive away. Now, let's just ignore the fact that surely some employees would have to stay after closing to clean up and close out the cash registers. No, no, ignore it! Ignore it! Just enjoy! "He's leaving," Joey says, as the last employee climbs into his Monte Carlo and speeds away. "I can see that, thanks," Pacey says. "He's leaving us here, trapped," Joey says. Pacey rests his head against the glass door. "Okay, let's not panic," Joey says, taking a deep breath. "Who's panicking?" Pacey asks. "I am panicking, Pacey," Joey tells him. "This is not exactly where I want to be right now. I have an entire --" He rolls his eyes and interrupts her. "'An entire book to read.' I know. When don't you have an entire book to read?" Joey purses her lips, and Pacey reminds her that this isn't exactly his "dream come true" either. Joey sighs. "Well, let's not snipe at each other anymore," she says. Pacey throws his shoulder against the door. Nothing. "We need to think logically," Joey reminds him. "Well, this one's locked," he tells her.
After the break, we open inside the darkened store. Pacey runs up to Joey, who's standing by a black phone. "Any luck?" he asks. She waves the receiver in his face. "They're not real phones," she says. Pacey furrows his brow. "What do you mean, they're not real phones?" he asks. Joey rolls her eyes and puts the receiver to her mouth.. "Clean-up on aisle four. Clean-up on aisle four," she says, echoing all over the store. Pacey sighs. "We can call housewares, but we can't communicate with the outside world," Joey reiterates, before asking if he found an unlocked door. He didn't, he says, but asks if she has her cell phone. "It's in my purse. In the car," Joey announces. Pacey groans. They stare at each other for a moment. "Pay phones!" they shout simultaneously, and race off. Hey, I think I've seen this one before! Except it starred Jennifer Connelly, and it was called Career Opportunities.
They find the pay phone in the employee lounge. Joey leans against the wall and rolls her eyes. "No, nobody's life is in danger," she says into the phone. "But please don't put me on hold!" No such luck. They put her back on hold. Joey sighs. Pacey thinks they ought to call 911, but Joey quite rightly points out that they're locked in a building fully stocked with food, water, and "the latest in home video equipment." It's hardly a proper emergency. Pacey sucks on his moustache. "We're in danger of getting you home late and we can't have that," he insists. "Since when do you care?" Joey asks snarkily. Pacey yelps that he certainly doesn't want her to be lax in her studies! "There's work to be done! Books to be read!" he says. Joey just glares at him. "Shut up, something's happening. It's ringing," she tells him, turning her attention back to the phone. She makes a frustrated sound, and hands the phone to Pacey, explaining that they transferred her to some automatic response thing. "See if you can figure it out," she says, and then asks if she can wear his coat, explaining that hers looks nice, but wasn't designed for warmth. ["…in Boston. In February. Sigh." -- Sars] Pacey hands the phone back to her while he wraps her in his overcoat, and then take the receiver back with a weary look.
Finally, Pacey gets hold of a real person and gives the authorities the scoop on their situation. Joey, perched on the break table in his coat, finds the condoms he stuffed into his pocket. "Please don't put me back on hold! God!" Pacey yells, frustrated, into the phone. "Are these yours?" Joey asks, sliding off the table and holding up the Trojans. "Those?" Pacey stutters. Joey nods and explains that she found them in his coat pocket. Pacey offhandedly confirms that they do, in fact, belong to him. "We're stuck in here because you had some pressing need for birth control?" Joey asks, her voice raising sharply at the end of that question. Pacey shrugs that that's the kind of responsible guy he is. But it doesn't look like he's going to need them, he says. Joey shrugs and tosses the condoms on the table angrily. She's about to say something when Pacey holds up a finger and listens to the police on the other end of the line. He nods and gives the cops the number there at the K-Mart, asking them not to forget to call back. He hangs up. "At least now we're making progress," he says. "It's that girl from the party, right?" Joey asks, with a critical look down at the condoms. Pacey points out that he was not there on a date with Joey; he's allowed to pick girls up. Joey squeals that she can't believe her evening has been ruined "for the sake of some booty call!"
Pacey strolls over to the fridge and pours himself an orange juice, and announces that they're "not actually having this conversation." Joey throws her hands up in the air. "Why not? Because you don't want to talk about sex with me?" she asks. "Why, do you want to talk about sex with me?" Pacey asks, sipping his juice. "Well, no, but I usually don't want to talk about sex with anyone," Joey admits. Pacey thanks her for "proving [his] point" and wonders if they can move on now. Joey won't turn her key, though, and demands to know why he can't talk about sex with her. "Well, one would think this might be obvious," Pacey begins, "but it might have something to do with how calm, cool, and not judgmental you are about the whole thing." Joey huffs, exasperated. "Okay, you know what? I don't approve. There! I said it. And I refuse to sit here and pretend like this is all just fine, because that's ridiculous!" she yelps. She's all worked up like this about The Blonde? Or is this about something…more? Pacey points at her. "Do you hear yourself? You can't help it! This is why we don't talk about sex. It is the secret to our entire friendship!" he yells. Joey sniffs that he's "lost her in his sea of pronouns." Pacey, talking very slowly, asks if they're friends, or what. She agrees that they are. And what is the secret to their friendship, he asks rhetorically? "We do not under any circumstances, talk about sex. I may be having it, you may be thinking about having it, but we don't discuss it. That way, we avoid the awkwardness, and, in avoiding the awkwardness, we are able to maintain the friendship. You see, it's a preventative measure. I stop the problem before it even starts," he explains. Joey walks right over to him and gets in his face, and whines that she doesn't understand why there should be any awkwardness between them to begin with. Pacey's all, because we used to have sex, dummy. Duh. "So, as far as you are concerned, I slept with you and then went in and got myself revirginized?" she asks. You can do that now? On second thought, why would you want to do that? "In my mind, yes," Pacey says, crossing the room to lean by the phone. "So I never slept with Eddie or Dawson?" Joey asks, barely getting the sentence out before Pacey yelps in agony and tells her that he really, really doesn't want to talk about this. That makes two of us, Pace. I'm still trying to forget the image of the Beek's unruly chest hair in the season premiere.
Joey plaintively wonders if he's really suggesting that they just take this big portion of their lives and pretend it doesn't exist. "Worked for you and Dawson," Pacey retorts coolly. Oh, snap! Joey's jaw drops. "What did you say?" she yelps. "I said --" Pacey begins. "I heard what you said," Joey interrupts. "I just can't quite believe my ears." Pacey looks at her carefully. "Was there anything essentially untrue about that statement?" he finally asks. "No," Joey finally grunts. But, she explains, she's grown up since then, and she doesn't want to live her life that way. Pacey yelps that she doesn't even care who he sleeps with, sounding really a bit hurt about the whole thing. "Pacey, you slept with my roommate for an entire year. I think it's a little late for me to get skittish on the subject of other women," Joey snaps. Pacey sighs and wonders if she truly doesn't understand what he's talking about. Joey shakes her head, confused. "Are you upset that I'm upset? Are you upset that I'm not upset? Are you upset that I'm not upset enough?" Joey asks, telling him that she honestly doesn't get it.
They stand in silence for a moment, as Pacey looks down at the floor. After a moment, Joey rather loudly reminds him that they broke up. They moved on. "Was I supposed to spend my life feeling miserable about the way things ended between us?" she asks. "Okay, you know what? Now that you've brought it up, yes," he says. "A couple of months here and there really wouldn't have hurt. I mean, I'm not asking for the lifetime you've devoted to feeling bad about Dawson, but just a couple of months." At this, Joey's mouth drops open. "Unbelievable!" she yells. "Pacey! I just…I can never win, can I?" Pacey doesn't respond, and Joey snaps that this Pacey Versus Dawson thing makes her want to beat her head against the wall. Sister, join the club. "Isn't there some kind of boy calculus you can do to figure out who won and leave me out of it?" she asks sharply. Pacey asks her to think about the possibility that he might just be talking about the two of them for once, and not Dawson. "There is no 'you and me,' Pacey. We've moved on, and I'm sorry I didn't dash myself into a thousands pieces when you broke up with me, but you know what? Life goes on! No matter how ungratifying that may be for your male ego." Pacey looks at her sort of sadly and says that this isn't about his ego. Joey wants to know what it's all about, then? "What good can come of this? Tell me, why do you all of a sudden want to revisit something that is better left alone?" she asks. He opens his mouth just as the phone rings. Joey glares at him and asks if he plans to answer the phone, or if they should finish this. "We could live for a thousand years and never finish this," Pacey tells her wearily, and answers the phone. Joey rolls her eyes and goes to lean against the fridge and glare at him. "No, we don't have any place to go, now, do we?" Pacey says to the police.
When we come back from the commercial, Pacey is still on the phone with the cops. He nods and says that he understands that he and Joey are low on the police's priority list. He sighs and hangs up the phone. Looks like they're stuck there.
Joey and Pacey walk separately and sadly through the K-Mart. Joey browses through the books, while Pacey thoughtfully examines the camcorders.
Joey has gone through every book that K-Mart stocks. She blinks sadly. Good luck finding Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in K-Mart, sister. That's her assignment, by the way. Did I forget to mention that earlier? These things happen. She picks up a copy of Bridget Jones's Diary and runs her hand over its promotional sticker, which reads, "Now a Major Motion Picture."
So, Joey heads over to the DVD section, where she easily finds the Johnny Depp version of Fear and Loathing. Which I heard sucked, by the way. But I haven't seen it. ["I expected it to suck, but ended up really liking it. Your mileage may vary." -- Sars] Anyhoo. She's looking at the DVD thoughtfully when Pacey comes on the intercom. "Joey Potter, you're needed in electronics. Joey Potter to electronics, please," he calls.
Joey rolls her eyes, and heads over to electronics. Pacey has fiddled with the TV/camcorder set-up so as to appear on every screen, creating an entire wall of Paceys. Joey blinks. "Is this thing on?" TV Pacey asks. "Okay. Well. Hey. It's me, obviously. And I come in peace," he says. Joey stifles a smile. "You and I, we're going to be here for a while. For quite a while, it seems. So I think it would be best if we could come to some sort of truce." At this, Joey folds her arms tightly. "And to facilitate this truce, I'm willing to admit to you on camera that yes, indeed, I am an ass. Which you probably already know. Better than most people. Better, probably, than anyone on earth. But I digress. My proposal is this: that we leave the past in the past, which is where it belongs anyway. That we try to make the best out of a bad situation. And that we get comfortable." Joey sort of smiles, and TV Pacey explains that he brought her something, which he's put on the counter. Joey turns around and sees a pair of lavender jammies and some fuzzy slippers. She smiles. "You will have at your disposal, for a limited time only, the ability to make me do one thing I really don't want to do," he adds. At this, Joey raises a brow. TV Pacey explains that she already did something for him that she didn't want to, and it's his turn to return the favor. "That's what friends are for," he adds.
Finally, Pacey emerges from behind the camcorder. His tie is too short, not even hitting his belt. Why, Pacey, why? "I know what I want," she tells him, smiling.
"Shouldn't we be getting you out of those clothes?" he asks, following her through the K-Mart. "Later," Joey retorts shortly. "Shouldn't you be telling me…" his voice trails off. "Later," Joey repeats. She leads him right to the shaving cream aisle! Thank God! I am so excited about the death of the goatee! I've been praying for this day! The animal sacrifices were not in vain! Joey hands him a razor. "You're kidding, right?" he asks. She's not. Pacey yelps that he's supposed to be doing something that will help her, not hurt him. "Believe me, if I don't have to look at that thing on your face anymore, I will consider myself helped," Joey snarks, speaking for all America. She presses the razor into his hand. "You are really going to make me do this?" Pacey asks, as a drumbeat begins in the background. They circle each other. "After all we've been through together?" he continues. Joey just smiles and nods. "So this is what it comes down to? Okay," he finally says. She grins. "I'm not going down without a fight," he tells her, and races away from her. Joey laughs, and chases after him. "You're only delaying the inevitable," she yells after him.
Pacey eludes her and sneaks off into the bra aisle.
As for Joey, she's walking through the automotive section. "You're only making it worse for yourself," she calls. "When I catch you, who knows what other body parts I'll require you to shave?"
Pacey tiptoes quietly though the food section.
Joey runs into a hubcap display, and they fly everywhere, very loudly. "Ow!" she yells. She's totally not hurt, by the way. "I think I ran into an auto display case or something," she yells. In the food department, Pacey looks skeptical. "Oh, help me, I think I'm bleeding!" Joey calls. " Aisle 3B. Bring Band-Aids!" Pacey waits for a bit, then, with a sigh, heads off to the Band-Aid aisle.
Eventually, Pacey arrives, bandages in hand, to find…nothing. Joey leaps out from behind an endcap, brandishing an open can of shaving cream. "I wouldn't make any sudden movements if I were you," she says. Pacey groans. "Move it," she directs, smiling. "Uh-huh. Back it up."
And…into the bathroom. Joey emerges from a stall in her pajamas. Pacey looks at his goatee in the mirror, and asks her if there's anything he can say to change her mind. Joey slides onto the counter to him. "Pacey, it's a beard. It'll grow back," she says. "Not that it should. What's the big deal, anyway?" she asks. Pacey likens not shaving to the way the baseball players don't change their socks during a winning streak. "And you see yourself as being on a winning streak?" Joey asks, thoughtfully. "Yes," Pacey tells her. "Caused by that thing on your face?" she asks. Pacey nods and just slaps a bunch of shaving cream right on top of his beard. Dude, you're going to need to trim that way down before you can shave it off. K-Mart has trimmers! Joey rolls her eyes. "Fine. I give up," she pouts. "You give up? You're giving up that easily?" Pacey asks. Joey shrugs that she didn't know it meant that much to him. "I wouldn't want you to lose the Triple Crown or whatever. I just wanted to see your face again. Is that a crime?" she asks. If wanting to see Pacey clean-shaven is a crime, than three-fourths of our boards ought to be in jail. "No," Pacey admits. The tinkly music of The Great True Love of Joey and Pacey Revisited starts up in the background. Oh, Pacey, please shave. Do it for me. Eventually, Joey slides off the counter, and Pacey asks again if she's really giving up that easily. "Yeah. But you're going to have to change your socks," she says. He grins at her.
Later, they've set up shop in the games aisle to play Battleship. "I said, 'B3,'" Pacey says. Joey pouts. "Okay, fine. You sunk my battleship," she says. "I officially suck at this game." Pacey shrugs. He's wearing a Boston Bruins sweatshirt, which is a nice touch. "Well, we can't all be master strategists, can we?" he asks. Joey grins. "Can I ask you a question?" she asks, after a silent moment. "Are you happy?" Pacey furrows his brow. "Me?" he asks. Joey nods, and asks she wants to know if he's really happy. "Not superficial, 'we all have our health' happy." "Why, are you?" Pacey asks. Joey thinks about it, and finally tells him that, yeah, she really is. Pacey smiles, like he's genuinely glad to hear it. Joey muses that it's weird, because there's really nothing all that great happening in her life right now. I hear that. "I guess I feel different," she says, explaining that she used to feel like change could only be for the worse, and now she realizes that isn't always the case. Pacey listens carefully. "Whatever's waiting out there for me might not be all that bad," Joey tells him. "And even if it is, the not knowing about it is probably the good part." Pacey nods. He's making his Sensitive Boyfriend Face. "I don't know," Joey laughs. Pacey nods again and muses that she seems to be saying that she "really likes that guy." Joey raises her brows. "That guy?" she repeats. "Yeah. That [Oliver] guy." Joey looks down at the Battleship board and shrugs. "Yeah. I did," she says. "But the past, as they say, is the past." They stare at each other for a moment, before Joey reminds Pacey that he never answered her question. "I don't really have to," he says. "How could I not be happy? You've seen my car, right?" He grins. Joey twists her mouth up and tells him that she wants a real answer. Pacey considers this and tells her that he has everything he could possibly want. Except one thing…
Nachos! Joey sits on the counter of the snack shop and sniffs that she can't believe Pacey's actually eating K-Mart nachos. Believe it, Joey. Sometimes, you just want cheese from a can. She asks him why he's always eating during key moment of their relationship. "I don't know. Is this a key moment in our relationship?" he asks, shoving a chip in his mouth. Joey pouts that it would be if he'd just let her shave him. She holds out a cup and asks for some more soda, which Pacey fetches for her. "You know, I missed my true calling in life," he tells her. "Jerk?" Joey asks. Pacey makes a noncommittal nose. Joey clarifies that she meant, "soda jerk." Pacey knows that, he says. "It just really wasn't all that funny," he says. Then he offers her a pretzel. "No, I think those were probably made when I was a virgin," Joey says, wrinkling her nose. "Right, the good old days," Pacey says. Joey sort of raises a brow. "But you're right," he continues. "We probably shouldn't fill up on starches before we go raid the candy aisle." Joey gasps that they'll rot their teeth if they eat candy before bed! Hasn't she ever done anything even vaguely wrong? Pacey shrugs and tells her that they can brush their teeth after they eat all the candies. After all, K-Mart has everything. Everything! High quality, at low, low prices. Go to K-Mart now! Pacey will be waiting for you, and he'll love you. Joey has a thought. "Homework!" she says, and slides off the counter. "Come on. Bring the popcorn."
They sack out in the electronics department and watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The credits roll and they both look vaguely depressed. "I thought this was supposed to be about the American dream," Joey mutters. Pacey just looks at her as she wonders what the hell she's supposed to say in class. He shrugs and tells her to throw the words "postmodernist" and "subjectivity" into the same sentence, and she'll be fine. Joey grins at him and snarks that she can see why he's so good at his job. It's because he's so full of shit. Pacey grins and tells her not to make fun of his job. He wants to do something active, he complains. Joey pouts that she's not roller blading or biking or letting him shoot hockey pucks at her head. Pacey sputters that they're totally harmless hockey pucks. "Pacey, I think the goal of the evening will be to avoid head injuries," Joey says primly. Pacey thinks for a moment, and tells her that he knows what they're going to do .
They're going to shave him! Hooray! Praise God! Sweet holy Moses, at last! Pacey and Joey set up an impromptu barbershop over in the lighting department. Joey holds out a razor, and tells Pacey he can do it himself if he likes. Pacey sits in front of her and shakes his head. "I don't have the iron will," he tells her. Joey pulls his head back toward her lap, telling her not to move or talk. Hey, that's my routine. She starts trimming the goatee. When she's got his facial hair trimmed as close to his skin as possible, she turns him around and gives him a choice of shaving cream. "Regular, or menthol?" she asks. Pacey -- who looks better just with the goatee trimmed, people -- wonders if they're smoking or shaving. Joey makes a face at him, and decides that they ought to go for "sensitive skin" cream. They smile at each other, and she lathers him up. Aw, it's very cute. I'm not made of stone, you know. Joey first applies the lather pretty hesitantly, but Pacey tells her not to be shy, so she starts rubbing it everywhere. She pats some lather right onto his mouth and then she leans in to shave him, very pleased with herself. He places his hands on the outside of her thighs for balance. It's slightly dreamy. "It's harder than legs," Joey breathes, "although not dissimilar to knees." She nicks him, and Pacey yelps. "Sorry!" she says. Joey kisses her finger and touches it to his ouchie. They grin at each other.
After several more close shots of Joey shaving Pacey's chin, she finishes up. She looks very proud and wipes his now clean chin with a towel. "Hello, chin!" she says. "You're back!" Amen, sister. "I was never really gone," Pacey tells her quietly. "You weren't?" Joey asks. "No," Pacey tells her. He's really giving her the googly love eye. "It kind of seemed like it," she says. And then he reaches up and kisses her. Aw. Aww. Eee! EEEE! Aw. Ahem.
When we come back from the break, they're still kissing. Joey finally pulls away and opens her eyes slowly. He smiles up at her. She blinks. I sigh, totally in spite of myself. "What was that?" she breathes. Pacey says he doesn't know. "But you remember how you said you were willing to be surprised by the future?" he asks. "Yeah?" she says. "Surprise," he says. Joey looks down at him and observes that he doesn't seem all that surprised. He thinks about this. "Well, maybe because I've wanted to kiss you ever since I saw you in that outfit," he says. Joey looks down at her jammies, and Pacey clarifies that he's talking about her first outfit of the evening. "Wait, wait, wait. You wanted to kiss me all night?" she asks. "Yes," Pacey tells her. "Even when you were yelling at me?" Pacey chuckles. "Especially when I was yelling at you," he says. Even when he was making plans for a one-night stand, she asks. "Yeah, then too," he says. Joey furrows her brow and wonders if this is a "recent development." Pacey licks his lips thoughtfully. "Wanting to kiss you? No, it's sort of always there. Like white noise, or the Secret Service or the threat of nuclear war, for that matter. It's just something you get used to." Joey wonders if this doesn't freak him out. Well, the nuclear war part freaks me out, but that's neither here nor there. Well, sadly, it could very well be both here and and there, the way things are going, but at least it's not in this episode. "Well, yes and no," he says. "Which one, Pace?" she asks. He looks at her sideways. "Yes," he admits. "Explain," Joey says, very softly. Pacey wipes at his chin with a towel and looks off behind her shoulder. "I don't know if I can," he finally says. "Try," she pleads. He rubs his now naked chin and sort of laughs. "It would be fair to say that I haven't been feeling all that friendly toward you lately," he finally tells her. Joey nods. "You've been feeling more than friendly?" she asks. "Yes," he says. Joey thinks about this. "And the only way you could express that would be to pick a fight with me?" she asks. Well, yes. Where have you been for the last six years? Pacey confirms this, and says he doesn't know why. "You must know something," Joey tells him. "What I know is that…you and I were one of the few things -- perhaps the only thing -- that made total and complete sense in my life. That's what I know," he says. They stare at each other as a piano plays Schmoopy Reunion Lurve Music in the background. Staring. Staring. "You know, we fought constantly," Joey finally says, telling him that they didn't work for a hundred reasons. He agrees. She covers her face and finally admits that she just doesn't know what to say. "I'm flattered. I'm confused. I'm stunned," she says. "Are you wishing I hadn't said anything?" he asks her. "No," Joey smiles. "I just need to…can I just sleep on this?" she asks. Pacey smiles up at her. "Yeah, I think that can be arranged," he tells her. That scene was nicely done, by both of them. "Sniff," says my Mulder action figure. "I'm just really pulling for these two kids."
Over in the camping gear section, the kids are sacked out on separate air mattresses. Joey asks if he put all the stuff back. "Yeah, but some of it we're going to have to pay for," Pacey tells her. They're silent for a moment. "Pacey, did you…?" Joey begins. "If the words are 'take out the trash,' then I will officially have a preview of what it would be like to be married to you," Pacey tells her. "And?" Joey asks sharply. "It ain't pretty," he chuckles. Joey explains that she was going to ask "if [he] knew." Pacey furrows his brow. "Did I know what?" he asks. "This was a dream come true," Joey tells him, rolling over to look at him. "Which part?" he asks. "All of it," she smiles. He turns and looks at her. "When you and I were in the boat, I used to dream that we'd be cast away somewhere," Joey tells him. I can't believe they even remembered the boat! I really liked that stupid boat. "Your standard tropical island, with the white sand beach and the giant stars overhead. We'd wear no clothes and we'd splash in the surf all day, and then at night, the moon would be this…this giant thing. It was always full," Joey tells him. Pacey whispers that he likes her fantasy. He could catch fish with his bare hands and make fires without matches. "I'd make the fires," Joey says. "Who paid attention in science class? Besides, it's my fantasy," she says. Pacey will give her that, he says. "I guess I never told you about it before, because it's embarrassing, you know. Not at all original," she says. Pacey tells her that she's right about one thing. "There are about a thousand reasons why you and I would never work." Joey looks over at him. "There's one thing in the pro column," she tells him. "What's that?" he asks. Joey rolls off her air mattress and climbs onto his. She kisses him, and snuggles under his arm. They make out. Aw. I'm such a softie. She smiles up at him. "It doesn't mean what you think it means," she tells him. "Well, then what does it mean?" he asks. Joey smiles. "Well, I'm cold," she begins, and he immediately wraps a sleeping bag around them. "I'm still thinking about it," she tells him, looking at him pretty darn tenderly for someone who hasn't made up her mind. "I miss you, Pace," she says. He kisses her forehead. "I miss you, too," he says, as she snuggles under his arm and they fall asleep.
And the weaselly employee finds them there the morning, and dude, he is not happy about it at all. ""Dude! This is totally uncool," he says. Pacey wakes up and nudges Joey awake. "Like, I mean, you're allowed to, like, test things and stuff, but the manager is going to be, like, his mind? Blown," The Weasel stutters. Pacey and Joey roll out of their sleeping bag, Pacey explaining that they're just about to leave. The Weasel gives Joey The Joey Tribbiani How You Doin' Once-over. "So, is this, like, your girlfriend?" he asks. "No, we just sleep together from time to time. Do you have a problem with that?" Joey snarks. Pacey smiles as she stomps off. "Very nice," The Weasel tells him.
So, the two of them put their ballgowns back on, and go pay for all the stuff they opened during the night. "So, this is it," Pacey tells Joey, as the checker scans their stuff. Joey agrees, and smiles at him. Pacey pays for the goods, and Joey offers to pay him back, but he shakes his head. "Seems a small price to pay for a dream come true," he tells her. The checker asks if they found everything okay. Pacey nods, and tells her that they found what they needed. "Which is important. In a spiritual sense," he says. Joey nods and tells the checker that she's going to write a letter to the home office. "Because this store is perfect, just the way it is. Don't change a thing," she smiles. Pacey turns to her. "Home?" he asks. "Home," Joey says, grabbing their bags. "You know, you could offer to carry one of these," she calls to him. So Pacey takes one, and they bicker good-naturedly all the way out the door.