Props to WildCard, Lara, Goalie 31, and Wing.
Fade up on a TV, with someone onscreen rowing schmaltzily down a creek as music swells cheesily in the background. The music has scarcely faded out when Dawson "Reality Chex" Leery asks a weeping Joey "Dork Magnet" Potter, "Well?" Joey wipes her face, sits up in her space-dyed sweater, and says she doesn't think she can find the words. Dawson interrupts to remind her that "it's a rough cut and everything," and asks her to tell him what she thinks and "be honest." Joey says in a tone of awe, "In my entire life I have never been so unequivocally moved by words and moving images onscreen. I mean, this is the type of motion picture-going [sic] experience that not only enlightens and inspires but it can change the way that people look at their lives, their world, their universe." Dawson says how much that means, especially coming from Joey, and Joey says that "there's no question about it -- Jack McPhee will be one of the great filmmakers of our generation." Oh, I get it -- it's a dream. Joey natters on about the fact that they "knew him when" as Dawson furrows his brow bemusedly and corrects her: "Joey, I directed this movie." Joey compares McPhee to great directors like Bergman and Fellini as Dawson scrambles off the bed and tries to convince her that he made the movie, and he grabs the tape out of the VCR to show it to her, but it says "Creek Daze: A Film by Jack McPhee" on it. At that moment, Jack "Tin Tin" McPhee climbs in through Dawson's window and comes over to Joey and takes her hands as she tells him that only one word describes him: "Brilliant. No -- genius." A confused Dawson looks back and forth between Joey and Jack as Jack gasps, "Honey, you won't believe what happened. I ran into Steven Spielberg in the cafeteria -- he offered me a job. I'm goin' to Hollywood!" Dawson has a downright offended look on his face by now as Jack and Joey kiss with the lip mics turned up to eleven. Jack gets down on his knees and proposes to Joey, who accepts; they both ignore Dawson, who sputters, "But -- but you're gay!" Jack smiles, "I guess not," and he and Joey kiss again with ten times the fervor they did when they actually dated, and then Jack says to Joey, "Let's go," and on the way out the window he promises to send Dawson a postcard from Tinseltown. Dawson tries to stop Joey, asking, "What about us?" Joey shrugs, "Hey, that's show biz, Dawson." Dawson calls after her, "Joey -- Joey!" and she sticks her head back in the window to tell him, "Get over it, Dawson. You're not my type. You never were." Dawson turns away from the window, flares his nostrils out to the capacity of the Skydome, and yells, "Noooooooo!" and wakes up in bed all disoriented. Memo to the writers: time, don't make that a dream sequence, 'kay? Addendum: exactly when did you plan to tell us that Dawson had finished the bloody movie in the first place?
Every time I watch the antics of the gang during the credit sequence, said antics make less and less sense. Farces of Nature ad -- um, could the film-making industry please accept the fact that Sandra Bullock has about as much sex appeal as an overcooked vegetable?
Fade up on a Capra film. The man onscreen gets socked in the head with something as Mädchen "Nicole Kennedy" Amick -- sporting a look that strikes me as just a bit too "evening" for a teacher -- makes a pronouncement about great filmmakers always asking questions and taking risks, and about the truth making audiences squirm in their seats, or some pompous rubbish to that effect. As Dawson and Jen "Wilbur" Lindley write down what she just said, Miss Kennedy asks the class how the movie they just saw makes them feel. Jen calls Capra "too saccharine" and "unrealistic," but before she can finish the thought, Dawson butts in and dismisses Jen's observation as a misconception, saying that he finds Capra's work "pretty dark" and referring to Gary Cooper in Meet John Doe and "the plight of the common man." Miss Kennedy, who seems to find Dawson's pretensions to mastery of film theory amusing, says, "Good, Dawson," and asks what else Gary Cooper's character represents, and Dawson blathers on about the character as "an innocent" who believes "the future represents hope so -- the antagonist would be cynicism." Memo to the writers: in order to draw a successful parallel between Dawson Leery and the heroes of the films of Frank Capra, it might help if you made Dawson Leery somewhat likable and sympathetic, which you thus far have failed to do. Addendum: we get it. Miss Kennedy says, "I agree," and Dawson smiles his "of course you do" smile as she talks about complexity, and ambiguity, and a bunch of other things that sound like they mean something but really don't.
Dawson and Jen walk out of class together. Dawson hates to see Mr. Gold go, but he has a "hero-worship" thing going on with Miss Kennedy. Jen doesn't buy it, calling their teacher "every sixteen-year-old boy's wet dream," but Dawson protests that Miss Kennedy is "the real deal," and reminds Jen that Miss Kennedy has come to Capeside on sabbatical to write "this major screenplay" for [product-placement alert! -- Wing Chun] TriStar. Jen comments, "Great -- so now you've got someone around whose opinion actually carries some weight, huh?" This seemed like a dig at Dawson's ego, but if so, he doesn't get it, nodding and saying, "Yeah." Jen asks if Dawson has showed Miss Kennedy his magnum dopus yet, and Dawson cringes and says, "No," and as Jen chastises him, Mitch "The Flash" Leery walks up behind them in a sassy sweater-and-tie ensemble. Dawson says, "She's gonna think it's amateur hour," and Jen orders him to show Miss Kennedy the movie because "it's ready," and The Flash greets them with a "hey," and Jen walks off shaking her head. "Hi, Dawson," The Flash says, and Dawson says, "Mr. Leery." The Flash tells Dawson that he can call him "Dad," and Dawson motions him into an empty classroom and tells him, "It's awkward enough to have you for my English teacher, but if people hear me call you 'Dad,' I'm gonna get beat up after school." As if his schoolmates don't have a hundred better reasons to beat him up.
Dawson then says in his most condescending tone, "It's great that you have a job that you enjoy, I just -- when we're in school, just pretend like you don't know me," and begins to yawn. Instead of beating his snotty son up himself, The Flash inquires, "Not sleeping?" Dawson tells him about the nightmares: "It's like I'm sitting alone in a dark theater watching my life go by onscreen and all the coming attractions are box-office bombs." The Flash wonders what happened to "my son, the eternal optimist." Dawson sagely intones, "People move on. The only person you can really rely on is yourself." He starts to leave the room but turns around to bore The Flash by talking about himself some more, saying that "this is it," that he's spent the last couple of weeks trying to change things he can't control, that he only knows for certain that he wants to become a filmmaker, and "no matter what, I have to make that happen." The Flash does not tell him to shut up. The Flash does not mention Dawson getting grounded. The Flash does not enlighten us as to the fate of the erstwhile Explorer with Jen's steamy hoofprint on the inside of one window.
As Dawson's back retreats down the hall, we hear Joey say, "Loser." Word. Cut to Joey and Jack eating lunch together. Joey rates the guys in the lunch line; Jack appreciates the bonding effort on Joey's part, but doesn't want to go there. Joey tells him to lighten up, and expresses boredom with all the elements of her life. She continues to classify the male students of Capeside as if she has never seen them before, although she has probably known all of them since nursery school, calling them either Frank ("as in 'Stein'") or Leo ("as in 'DiCaprio'"). Like, ha ha. Not. Jack laughs, they discuss the weirdness of the fact that they used to date only a month ago, they both admit that it doesn't bother them, and they fiddle with product-placed Diet Coke cans. Whatever.
Pacey "Scourge Of The English Teacher" Witter and Andie "Suicide Watch" McPhee walk down the street. Pacey doesn't want to deal with the Capeside Police Department safety booth at the fair (held outside. In Cape Cod. In the late fall). Andie "looked up to" her safety mascot as a child. Pacey says, "And you wonder why they called you 'Andie McGeek' on the playground." Ouch. They argue over whether Captain Skippy the safety dog will deter kids from doing drugs, and then they argue over the fortune teller at the fair; Andie really wants to go, but Pacey grumpily calls it "mumbo-jumbo crystals crap" and doesn't understand why she buys into it. Andie promises Pacey sexual favors if he'll do the Captain Skippy booth. Pacey reverts to teen horndog stereotype by agreeing, and tries out the bad, yet indeterminate, accent he'll use for Captain Skippy as he slings an arm around Andie's shoulders. Whatever.
Cut to the fair as an extremely annoying Blues Traveler song plays in the background. At the art booth, Jack teases Joey about getting lost in thought -- she won't tell him about what, so he assumes he "lost another X-rated thought," but Joey still won't tell him until he promises not to laugh, and then she says, "I was thinking about -- kisses," and Jack promptly giggles, then apologizes and points out the irony of Joey thinking about kisses when she "thr[e]w away relationships while in pursuit of her true self." Joey confesses that she misses "the kissing part" and hopes to get kissed again "before the millennium comes." Jack assures her that "it'll happen." (Okay, sidebar. I know I called him a pinhead and stuff, but Kerr Smith actually looks pretty cute now, even though his head is still on the small side. I just had to get that off my chest. Carry on.) Dawson walks up and says "what's up?" Jack and Joey say, "Nothing," and Dawson feels awkward and starts to leave again, and they invite him to stay and help set up, but he says he has to help Miss Kennedy with the silent film exhibit and he takes off. Jack elbows Joey and asks, "Frank? Leo?" To my horror, Joey replies, "Dawson is definitely a Leo." Jack observes, "Dawson seems a little moody lately." Joey says that she knows and that she can always tell "when he has something wrong with him" (no comment), but that he doesn't seem to want her help right now. Joey misses Dawson, and Jack advises her to give it time: "I'm sure he'll want you back in his life, trust me." Then Jack suggests that they find out "when that elusive kiss is gonna find its way to your lips" by visiting Madame Zenovich the fortune teller. Jack does not say when he decided to become Mr. Gregarious. Jack does not explain why, when they had spent quite some time in the art booth already, he had just noticed Madame Zenovich's tent.
Pacey, clad in official sheriff gear, talks about sex and protection in the Captain Skippy voice, saying, "Do it where you can't get caught, you know?" Andie tires of feigning amusement at this schtick and tries to get Pacey to have his fortune told. Pacey doesn't want to because he knows Madame Z will foretell "Armageddon, death, and destruction on a global level -- the end of the world as we know it." Andie wonders why he cares if he doesn't believe in that stuff anyway, and Pacey explains that he doesn't, but that "the power of suggestion is a very dangerous thing." Not surprisingly, Andie puts forth the idea that, if you know what's ahead, you can prepare for it. Pacey tells her to save her money because "The All-Powerful Pacey-dini will predict [her] future," and foretells a tall dark handsome man sweeping her off her feet, blah blah blah fishcakes. More good-natured ribbing follows as Sars reads the dosage instructions on a box of Vivarin and predicts that two pills just won't get it done. A shot of the sign on Madame Z's tent, which has a hand with a really short thumb on it.
Inside the tent, Madame Z grunts in a suitably Eastern European accent, "Five dollars," and stubs out a cigarette. Joey and Jack cough at the smoke; Joey hands over a finsky. Madame Z looks into her crystal ball and says she sees a "C." (Say that five times fast.) She guesses a few names but Joey doesn't know any of them. When she guesses "Caroline," Joey says she knows a Carol, but hasn't seen her since kindergarten. Madame Z says, "Yes. Carol." She says Carol borrowed something of Joey's and asks if that means anything to Joey, and Joey says she might have borrowed a pencil or something, and Madame Z says in a very bored tone of voice, "Yes, she has your pencil," and reaches for her pack of smokes. Joey and Jack make "huh?" faces at each other. A breeze blows through the tent, jingling the chimes and making Madame Z shudder. Madame Z finally gets into a groove and says while staring into the middle distance, "There has been much pain in your past -- too much loss for one so young. You put up walls to protect you from harm, but by doing so you cut yourself off from new possibilities, new adventures. You must say 'yes' to every opportunity that comes your way." Joey asks about the future, and Madame Z falls back on that old standby: "You will come to a fork in the road. You have to choose which path to take." Joey wants to know how to choose, and Madame Z tells her to follow her heart and fires up another cancer stick. Joey, apparently feeling gypped: "Anything else?" Madame Z, annoyed: "A tall dark man will come into your life." Joey, perking up: "When?" Madame Z, with as little enthusiasm as possible: "Soon."
Outside, Miss Kennedy asks when she gets to see Dawson's "cinematic masterpiece." Dawson asks how she knew about his movie, and Miss Kennedy says that The Flash bragged on it in the faculty room. Dawson, for once, simulates modesty and says that The Flash "tends to exaggerate." Miss Kennedy makes a comment about The Flash already having rented a tux for the Oscars. Whatever. "Well, if you're not going to show it to me, at least tell me what it's about," the teacher prods; Dawson tells her it's a romance, and she says that, coincidentally, she's writing a romantic comedy for Columbia, and Dawson says he knows that. He launches into a jittery monologue about Miss Kennedy's presence in Capeside giving him hope and inspiring him to pursue the "impossible dream" of becoming a filmmaker. Miss Kennedy asks Dawson if she makes him nervous, and Dawson admits to finding her a little intimidating, which for some reason prompts her to confide, "Sometimes people mistake my ambition for arrogance. It's just that, you know, when I first started out in the business, I had to do it on my own. I guess it just toughens the exterior." "Yeah," Dawson responds with a goofy smile. Miss Kennedy: "Should have guessed your film was a love story." Dawson: "Really? Why?" Miss Kennedy: "You have quite the romantic spirit, Dawson Leery." Sars: "[Hurl.]"
Joey bitches about paying five bucks for such a crappy fortune, deriding the careworn "tall dark stranger" bit. She and Jack get back to the (unsupervised in their absence) art booth to find said tall dark stranger inquiring of Joey, "Are these yours?" and pointing to a painting. Joey smiles with half of her face, starts to say something, and claps her lips shut.
Bring me the head of that self-styled Gen X dork on the Ford commercial. When the WB kids tell me not to do drugs, can I assume they don't mean the Maalox, No-Doz, and Advil I have come to depend on to get through the show? [And is David Boreanaz really one of the WB "kids"? Is he not forty-two years old? -- Wing Chun]
Back to the art booth. Sars pours herself a 72-ounce flagon of coffee as the tall dark not-all-that stranger compliments Joey's art and introduces himself as Colin Manchester. Joey says "hi," and Colin tells her to keep up the good work. Then Colin leaves, after staring at Joey like an understudy for Jeff Bridges in Starman the entire time. Jack smacks Joey on the shoulder and says, "Let me get this straight. Your destiny walks up to you, introduces himself, and you send him packing?" Joey admits that she panicked, but says she doesn't want a boyfriend because she is -- all together now -- looking for herself. Jack suggests that maybe Colin is a sign, or "the answer to getting that pre-millennium, no-strings, no-commitments kiss, hmm? Come on, at least use the guy as practice. Take a chance. Have an adventure." Joey smiles and remembers that the fortune teller said the same thing, and Jack pushes her out the door of the art booth to go talk to him. Jack does not explain why their relationship has metamorphosed into an episode of Will & Grace overnight.
Over at the Kutesy Krafts booth, Grams thanks Jen for helping her out, even though Jen must have better things to do. Sadly, Jen says, she really doesn't. Grams asks, "Are you sure you can't work things out with that nice young man Ty?" Jen says that won't happen: "It looks like we're both destined to face the future as single women, Grams." As Jen folds a quilt, she spots an older gentleman giving Grams the eye, and she points this out to Grams, who of course is having none of it. But the man comes over and says all smitten, "Evelyn Ryan? It's me, Whit. Whit Hubley." (Not, of course, to be confused with Whip Hubley of Russkies fame.) Grams's jaw drops and she whispers, "Lord in heavens, I thought you were dead." Jen mutters, "Great pick-up line." Heh. Grams keeps staring at Whit as he says, "It must be -- what, thirty years," and Grams says, "Has it been that long?" and Sars says, "Probably not, since you allegedly live in a small town on the Cape and should have run into this guy long before now, but whatever." Sars also gets the feeling that something went on between those two back in the day, but has nothing to substantiate that. Whit invites Grams to dinner, ostensibly to "catch up on old times," but Grams says no, she couldn't, and Whit says she knows where to find him if she changes her mind. As Whit walks back to his booth, Grams looks at Jen and says, "What?" Jen says that Whit is "very sexy." Um, ew. Then Jen says Whit "was having impure thoughts about" Grams, and Grams splutters and tells Jen to "stop it, stop it right now," and Jen smiles mischievously.
Cut to Art Booth II: Electric Bugaloo, where Joey looks very nonchalantly at photographs and gathers her courage before walking up to Colin. She compliments Colin's work as "remarkable" and introduces herself, and he invites her for a hot chocolate, and they go off together, and Joey turns around and shoots Jack a "she shoots, she scores" look, and Jack smiles back encouragingly. Whatever.
Over at the...cinema...or whatever...Dawson admires the labels on film canisters: "That's incredible, you've got Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harry Langdon -- where did you get these?" Miss Kennedy, while writing a label: "I had them sent down from the Boston archives. You are a true film buff, aren't you?" Memo to the writers: knowing about Buster Keaton does not a film buff make, so if you must indulge in flagrant efforts to bolster Dawson's obscurity cred, you'll need to shoot a little higher. Dawson, pleased at the so-called compliment: "I'm obsessed, actually. Nobody's really understood my tunnel vision. It used to really bother me but now I just -- I don't care. Nothing else matters." Miss Kennedy can relate since she gets "pretty obsessive about" her writing, and she thinks it shows in her work and probably Dawson's too. "Obsessive" seems like a weird word to use in relation to writing, particularly when you do it for a living, but I write for a living, so what do I know? Anyway. Dawson stammers out a request for her to watch his film, and she says she thought he'd never ask. Dawson smiles, sensing validation on the horizon. Sucker.
Joey and Colin walking and drinking hot chocolate. Joey talking about her mother's painting. Colin suggesting that they sit by the fire pit. Colin doing that bizarro Starman ogling thing; Colin asking Joey if she knows how "unbelievably beautiful" she is. Joey looking down and thinking "whatever." Joey changing the subject to Colin's photography. Colin spouting photographer clichés too numerous and irritating to detail here. Colin pawing Joey's face. Colin asking to photograph Joey. Joey thinking the whole time that Colin wants to kiss her. Joey for some reason not checking Colin for a pulse. Sars propping her eyelids open with toothpicks.
Jen holds up a kutesy kraft and demands of Grams, "What is this?" Grams responds, "It's a decorated clothespin to seal open potato chip bags." Jen frowns, "Of course it is." Jen then informs Grams that Whit is coming over to their booth again, and that if he asks Grams out again, Grams should say yes this time. Whit holds a long-stemmed red rose aloft and says, "I won't take no for an answer. You wouldn't make an old man eat alone?" Grams starts to blow him off again, but when he sighs, she gives in and says she'll go, and they arrange to meet at eight o'clock. He hands her the rose, and she smiles in spite of herself. Then Grams starts freaking out, and Jen asks what about, and if she feels guilty about Gramps, and tells Grams she shouldn't feel guilty because "he'd want you to go on with your life." Grams fiddles with the rose and shakes her head: "That part of my life is over. There, there, there are certain things in life I've said goodbye to." Jen rests her head on Grams's shoulder as Grams continues, "Besides, look at me. I graduated from high school with Whit Hubley, and look at me -- I look old enough to be his mother." Jen offers to introduce Grams to some wonderful women that she knows, "Miss Clairol and Estee Lauder." Jen does not explain why, if Whit already asked Grams out, Grams needs a makeover.
Pacey does his bad ventriloquism routine with Captain Skippy. A kid in the crowd calls Captain Skippy "a big fat smelly jerk," to which Pacey/Captain Skippy responds, "I know you are but what am I?" The kids says it back, and then Pacey stands up and snarls it in his regular voice, which shuts the kid up but good. Then Pacey ducks inside Captain Skippy's "doghouse" to take a break. Nobody explains why we had to sit through this scene.
In Madame Z's tent, Andie has her palm read. She stares expectantly at the fortune teller as a gigantic crystal revolves overhead, then smiles nervously and asks, "What do you see?" Madame Z looks up at Andie; she doesn't seem too eager to share. Then the psychic wind blows through and snuffs out Madame Z's candle. Andie looks worried. Oooooooh, symbolism.
If I could perform magic tricks with a wire whisk, I would not use that power to create Ultra Palmolive Antibacterial Formula. I would, however, wave my magic whisk and make the "who's that lady" Salon Selectives commercial go away. And I don't think even the whisk could save Zoe Duncan Jack & Jane.
Pacey walks up to Andie as she leaves Madame Z's tent, and he uses the Captain Skippy accent on her, which she doesn't find funny, and when Pacey asks, "What's wrong?" she replies, "Nothing -- um, I'm fine, I'm just gonna go for a walk," and hurries off. Pacey stares after her from under the brim of his Capeside P.D. hat. I would just "whatever" this little scene, but I have to admit that I've gotten a couple of sucky fortune-cookie fortunes that killed my buzz, so I can sort of see why Andie freaked out. Anyway.
Joey, very pleased with herself indeed, sits down to Jack, who asks, "What happened?" through a mouthful of snack food. She informs him that Colin wants to take her picture for his portrait class, and that she has plans to meet Colin in an hour at the community arts building. Jack goes into protective mode, asking Joey what she knows about Colin, and she says she doesn't know anything about him, and she doesn't want to; furthermore, she says, "[H]e doesn't know anything about Joey Potter, waitress extraordinaire. He's an artist. He's -- he's different, he's -- life experience. Maybe I'll learn something from him." Jack snorts, "Like what, the high art of French kissing?" and throws a piece of popcorn towards his mouth but misses. Joey tells him that it's not about that, it's about expanding her horizons, having an adventure, blah blah blah fishcakes. Jack says that he'll accompany her, and Joey protests, but Jack won't hear any argument: "This guy could be like a tall dark psychopath." I would ask how Joey would learn anything about French kissing when she presumably played tonsil hockey with the rich boat guy, Dawson, and Jack already, but that would mean that I cared, and I don't.
Dawson and Miss Kennedy sit in the theater while Dawson's movie plays onscreen. Devon, in the role of Sammy/Joey, says a line with the word "barracuda" in it; Abby, in the role of Kim/Jen, says a line with the word "temptress" in it. Sars makes a comment with the word "not" in it. Dawson watches, pleased with what he sees. Miss Kennedy doesn't betray any reaction at all.
In Grams's kitchen, Jen administers hair colorant to a reclining Grams, as well as a lecture on how "women today have to protect themselves. You do have contraceptives, don't you?" Yikes. Grams bolts up in her chair and says, "That's it, I'm not going." Jen eases her back into the chair and says, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Like, ha ha. Not. As Grams frowns and folds her towel tighter around her shoulders, Jen predicts "a magical evening, filled with old-fashioned romance," and says that Whit "seems like a really cool guy -- I'm sure he has Trojans in his wallet." Grams blanches. I know Jen means well, but come on.
Joey can't decide which costume on the rack to wear. Colin tells her she can wear whatever she wants, and says something about trying on "a different side of [her] personality." Jack appears, invades Joey's and Colin's personal spaces, and points to an outfit involving a black boa. In the shot, Joey -- now attired in a strapless gold lamé number and the black boa, with her hair swept up -- slumps miserably and complains that she feels like a drag queen. The boys compliment her. Colin does his stereotypical photographer "give me attitude" schtick and starts snapping away. Then the Joey-the-sexual-being-montage music starts up, and we have to endure several minutes of Joey mugging in her Marilyn get-up, Joey mugging in her Pretty Woman get-up, and Joey mugging in her Annie Hall get-up. Meanwhile, Colin asks Jack if he (Jack) and Joey "are just friends," and Jack says, "Oh yeah," and Colin says, "Good," thus setting up the non-sexual non-tension non-mix-up later in the show. Colin calls Joey "fabulous" and "a born diva." Joey motions Jack out of the room as she and Colin hug, and they almost kiss, but don't. Snore.
Jen sorts through Grams's clothes and tosses them over her shoulder, adjudging them "no, no, no," as Grams demurs from under her towel turban. Fade to Jen making up Grams's face and comparing dating to riding a bike. Jen finishes and tells Grams as she turns Grams toward the mirror, "[W]hen he takes one look at you, believe me, he won't want to do much talking." Grams looks in the mirror; she doesn't seem to know quite what to do with the results of the makeover. New And Improved Grams looks like a Park Avenue matron, and I think she looked better before.
Pacey walks and drinks hot chocolate. He runs into Madame Z, who tells him he should come and have his fortune told. In a veiled reference to Andie's reading, Pacey asks her why she can't just "say something nice, something reassuring" to the people who visit her, adding, "I guarantee you, that's all they want to hear." Madame Z says that if they ask for the truth, "then they must hear the answer." Pacey growls, "Well, I'm not asking," and walks away to a bench, but Madame Z joins him and says, "I think I tell you anyway." Pacey sort of shrugs as she says, "I see a young man who wears a mask that is not his own," but then he lowers his cup to watch her face as she continues, "To the world, he is strong and confident; beneath the mask is a little boy, afraid of the world, afraid of everything. He knows all he has is resting on a house of cards. Even the tiniest gust of wind, pshoo -- knock it all down." Evidently this hits close to home, because Pacey frowns and gets up; as he goes, Madame Z smirks.
As they pack up, Colin starts to ask Joey something but then decides against it. Joey presses him, thinking he wants to kiss her or ask her out, and gets right into his proxemic bubble in order to facilitate this, and Colin sort of leans toward her and says, "There's something I wanted to, uh," and Joey breathily says, "Yessss?" and tilts her head for the kiss she expects, and with his mouth all of three inches from Joey's, Colin asks, "Is your friend Jack -- dating anyone?" Gee, I never would have seen that one coming. Well, all except for the "never" part.
Art booth. Jack: "So? What happened?" Joey, bitterly: "Well, he probably would have thrown me on the ground and made passionate love to me if, um." Jack: "If?" Joey: "If he wasn't [sic] gay." Jack: "What?" Joey calls Colin's comparisons of her to Madonna and Marilyn Monroe "red flags," i.e. she should have known -- like, way not only to stereotype gay men but to get the stereotype wrong. Jack doesn't catch it either, saying "What?" again, and Joey repeats, "He's gay. As in three-dollar bill," thus mangling yet another reference, and she tops this insensitivity double-dip by informing Jack that he really needs to "develop some gaydar." Jack sneers in response, "Oh yeah, yeah -- I hear they're giving a training course on that down at the community center." Ffft ffft -- reeeowwwr! Fortunately, this brings Joey up short; she cringes and apologizes, saying, "I'm new at this, and -" but Jack cuts her off: "You? What about me? People look at me like any minute I'm about to start tap-dancing to Bette Midler albums." Heh. Joey then says, "Well, this should cheer you up -- as it turns out, a tall dark stranger is coming into your life." Jack doesn't get it. Joey says that Colin wanted to get together with Jack, so she told Colin that Jack would meet him (Colin) by the fire at eleven. Jack wigs, and Joey tries to calm him down by listing all of Colin's good points: smart, attractive, nice, good actor -- oh, wait, no, his acting sucks. Anyway, Jack yells at her for thinking that, just because "there happens to be a second homosexual in Capeside," Jack has to go out with him. Joey just stares at Jack as he fumes. I don't think Joey thought that at all, since Colin expressed an explicit interest in Jack in the first place, but I can see why Jack would tweak out.
Cut to the Creek Daze schmaltzy rowing finale we saw at the beginning of the show. As soon as the screen fades to white (yes, white), Dawson asks, "So. What'd you think?" He clearly expects a warm bath of effusive compliments. Miss Kennedy waves a hand and struggles for words, settling on a vague and unconvincing, "It's fine." Dawson repeats, "'Fine.'" Miss Kennedy raises her brows and nods. Dawson grins nervously and presses, "Come on, I mean -- your, your opinion is really important to me and I really want to learn, so." Miss Kennedy, no longer smiling, thinks for a moment before saying, "You want my honest opinion." Dawson, obviously still expecting a rave review tempered by only a few minor quibbles, says, "Yeah, don't hold back." Miss Kennedy, skeptical: "Are you sure you want the truth?" Dawson, as all of Miss Kennedy's trying-to-spare-his-feelings verbal cues finally start to sink in, looks down and says, "Yeah." Miss Kennedy says crisply, "Okay, then I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Dawson. I think your film is completely uninspired." Dawson face falls as she continues, "Now, uh, the production value's [sic] flat, your story's non-existent, even your dialogue isn't believable." Dawson, unable to believe that she doesn't see his genius, tries to defend himself: "Okay, it, it needs some work, I mean, I know, I know that." But Miss Kennedy is on a roll: "It lacks emotion of any kind and says nothing to the audience." Dawson quickly changes tacks, and thinks aloud that maybe if he "got the B storyline," but Miss Kennedy cuts him off with, "It won't help. It's a preposterous soap opera about a bunch of teenagers who talk too much. I mean, we've seen it before, all that self-aware, self-referential hyperbole filled with clichés that are disguised as send-ups -- it actually borders on plagiarism." Dawson, desperate for any sympathetic comment by this time, points out that he's only made two films and he's "still learning," but Miss Kennedy hasn't finished with the home truths: "Look, Hollywood's tough. They don't hand out rejection with a box of chocolates. It's real, it's harsh, and it hurts." The bitter delivery of this line leads me to believe that Miss Kennedy got housed the same way she just housed Dawson, and came to Capeside as much to lick her wounds as to write her ballyhooed script. She tells him without much sincerity, "You're sweet, Dawson, and you're just the kind of person that Hollywood eats for breakfast. It would break my heart to see that happen to you." Dawson thanks her and says he appreciates her honesty, and she says softly, "I'm sorry, Dawson." She gets up, leaving a completely crushed Dawson sitting there with his eyes tearing up. Yes, Dawson, Miss Kennedy probably came down on you a little harder than a teacher should. Yes, she probably plans to steal your idea for her own script. But hey -- BUCK UP, LITTLE CAMPER!
Jack brings Joey more hot chocolate -- shouldn't they all have gone into diabetic shock by now? -- and apologizes for overreacting. He explains that, although he wants to move forward "towards this whole new sexual identity," he doesn't feel ready yet. Joey, as much to convince herself as to comfort Jack, says they have a lifetime of adventures and romance ahead of them. Jack kisses Joey's forehead and says, "Plenty of time to be kissed." They smile at each other, and Joey scoots over to sit to Jack, and Jack puts his arm around her and she rests her head on his shoulder. Awww.
Meanwhile, Dawson staggers through the fair, hands shoved in pockets, moments away from sobbing hysterically. As he and his furrowed brow stumble along and Natalie Merchant soughs in the background, he sees The Flash helping Miss Kennedy into the front seat of his (The Flash's) car, and he sees Joey selling a painting to a guy and his daughter (who happens to have the same hat as Joey and looks a lot like her) and hugging Jack in celebration, and he winces under his Muppet hair as everyone in the world lines up to dump an entire shaker of salt into his wounds. Like, boo hoo. Not.
Okay, Puddy -- quit picking on the crunchy M&M.
Pacey and Andie sit pensively by the fire. Pacey can't take it anymore and demands that Andie tell him what happened. Andie flails about with her fists and says, "I just wanted to know that things were going to get better. But they're not -- she said that the troubles of my past are only a preview of what's to come." Pacey sighs as she says, "I need to know that the worst is behind me, Pacey, because -- I don't know if I can handle any more unhappiness." Pacey asks how she can take Madame Z seriously, and tells her, "Your future is gonna be so bright and so magnificent that it's off the scale. There is no measure for how wonderful [sic] your life is gonna turn out." I sort of hoped he would say, "Your future is gonna be so bright, you gotta wear shades," but he didn't, and either way, Andie doesn't buy it: "I wish I could believe that." Pacey she doesn't have to; he'll believe it for her. He kisses her hand and puts his arm around her shoulders.
Joey comes up to Colin at the fire and tells him, "Jack isn't coming." She says she had no right to accept on Jack's behalf. Colin says he understands, and goes back to staring at the fire. Joey starts to go on her way, but stops and asks, "Are you okay?" Colin, ruefully: "With this? Yeah." Joey, sitting down beside him: "Sure?" Colin, sort of laughing: "The truth is, I'm on the proverbial rebound, and, uh -- I just recently broke up with someone [The Flash, perhaps?], and we'd been friends for a long time before that, and now -- I don't have the relationship or the friend." Joey nods knowingly as he goes on, "I guess I'm just trying to fill the void." Joey wants to know why they broke up, and Colin shakes his head and says, "You know, at, at the time I could think of a million different reasons, but now I can't think of any? Does that make any sense?" Joey responds wryly, "Yeah. More than you can imagine." Colin remarks that sometimes he wishes he "hadn't been in such a hurry to move forward -- you know? Just -- comes a point where it's impossible to go back." As Joey looks at him thoughtfully, Colin kisses her on the cheek and takes off.
Cut to Jen, drinking -- all together now -- hot chocolate. She turns around to see New And Improved Grams sitting alone by the fire. "Grams? Grams, what, what's the matter, where's Whit?" Grams says that Whit's wife "wasn't feeling well, so he had to cancel." Jen: "His wife?" Grams: "Mm hmm." Jen feels "like crap" about pressuring Grams to go out with Whit and says she had no idea, and asks, "Are you okay?" Grams says, "I'm fine," and tells Jen not to feel bad because she "did something wonderful for [Grams] today." Grams goes on to say that, since Gramps died, she assumed she had done all the living she was meant to do, but now she sees that she can't live in the past and that she needs to "open up to new people, new friends." Jen asks if Grams ever fears facing the future alone. Grams admits, "Yes. Sometimes." Jen says, "Me too." They exchange a look. I must say that I like where the writers have gone with the relationship between Jen and Grams.
Madame Z takes down her sign as Dawson comes up behind her and asks, "It's five dollars, right?" She answers brusquely, "I'm closed." Dawson makes of-course-how-perfect noises, and whines that he doesn't need a reading because he already knows what his future has in store: "Dawson Leery is destined to live in misery and die loveless, friendless, and in complete obscurity." Might want to ease up on the self-pity throttle there, Big D. Madame Z takes him to task for mocking the powerful spirits -- why, I don't know. She and her sparkly purple eyeshadow take a seat to Dawson with the tarot deck; she draws a card, The Lovers, and muses, "It's very interesting. A soulmate walks in your path, one you have known for many lifetimes before this one. She knows you well, she sees into your soul, she feels your pain." Dawson gripes, "She blew me off." Heh. Madame Z taps the card with her fingernail and says, "No, she is here. She surrounds you." I don't think that card really means what she said it did, but I can't find my tarot book, so I'll have to take Madame Z's word for it. Dawson asks why he keeps losing her (his soulmate), and Madame Z sighs, "That which is lost can be found again." Ooooh, profundity. Dawson raises his eyes to the heavens and tries not to cry, and the camera stays on him while he digs for a five-dollar bill in his pocket, so we know that when he turns around, Madame Z will have vanished. Sure enough, when he turns to her and says, "Thanks," she has disappeared. If only she had taken the insufferable soulmate leitmotif with her.
Over at the No-Fault Hacienda, Dawson sulks under his Misery poster and glares at the scale model of Capeside that Jack built. Then he shoves most of it onto the floor in a fit of pique as an ovary wails, "How does your heart beat? How do you cry?" on the soundtrack. Outside, Joey walks up the Leerys' lawn and looks up at Dawson's window; inside, Dawson gazes at Joey's picture and picks up the phone to call her, but when she doesn't answer, he fidgets and hangs up. He turns out his desk lamp. Joey sees the lights go out and heads back to her boat as Dawson rests his head on his knee and mopes. Joey row, row, rows her boat all the way home, mirroring the scene from Creek Daze, and strolls up the front walk of Bessie's Bastard Barn to see a stranger on the front porch. She calls out, "Who's there?" The man turns around, and it's her father, fresh from the clink. Joey mutters, "Daddy," with the start of a smile. Neither Joey nor Potter père explains why she didn't know he'd gotten paroled.