Props to Emgrrl, Slinky, and Sars.
For once, it's a good thing that the WB provides "previously on Dawson's Creek" scenes since I barely remember what happened the last time this fool show was on. Oh yeah, Jen broke up with Ty because he treated her like a ho. Oh yeah, La Filmette (tm Emgrrl) cruelly dismissed Dawson's crappy-ass movie. Oh yeah, Joey's dad got out of the slammer. Now I'm up to date.
This week, we start out in the Sanctum Dawsonorum, where the final moments of Dawson's masturpiece -- Rachael Leigh "She's Not Even in the Same Zip Code as All That" Cook rowing her boat on the creek -- are playing on the TV in his room. As the screen goes black, Dawson "It's Not Oatmeal" Leery turns to Mrs. Flash, whose leathery visage, under her poodled hair, cracks into a huge grin, and who says, "Dawson, that was...very impressive. It was moving, it was funny, it was real --" Dawson scoffs, "You're saying this because you're my mother." Mrs. Flash protests, "No, I'm not! You are incredibly talented!" Dawson rightly remarks, "You are incredibly biased. You know what? I had such a distinct, clear vision for this movie. I saw every moment; I heard every word of dialogue. I guess I just failed to translate that vision onto film." He then wonders aloud as to what will happen if he can never translate any of his "visions" to film. Mrs. Flash tells him, "The trick is to stay tenacious, and not let any minor -- and in this case, very minor -- setback derail your vision." Dawson tentatively says, "I suppose I could re-edit it...." Mrs. Flash, a little too fast, exclaims, "There you go! Your film may not be Citizen Kane, but it's not Bride of Chucky either." Dawson pouts, "The way my film teacher described it, you'd think it was the worst, most expensive piece of junk ever captured on film." Mrs. Flash gets up off the bed, sighing, "That is just one person's opinion. And, um, speaking of teachers at your school..." and of graceless transitions, "how's your father enjoying his new profession?" Dawson says, "He likes it, I think. It's kind of weird to see him in the teachers' lounge consorting with the enemy. You really miss him, don't you?" Mrs. Flash says, "Lately more than ever." "Lately?" Too much information! Dawson says, "If you know what you want, maybe you should take your own advice." Mrs. Flash says, "Maybe," and wanders out as the mewling opening credits begin.
Over at Bessie's Bastard Barn -- Now With Ex-Con! -- Mr. Pothead is making scrambled eggs in the kitchen as Joey "Jo Jo Junior Shabadoo" Potter comes sneaking around the corner in her usual slouching posture. He tells her he's glad to be home and that he never knew making breakfast for his daughters could make him so happy. Joey says she thought she was going to wake up and find out that the night before had all been a dream. He tells her he's home to stay, and that he's not going anywhere, ever. That seems to me to be overstating things a bit -- not to mention tempting fate -- but who am I to spoil their reunion?
At that moment Bessie "Inexplicably Southern" Potter blows into the kitchen (carrying Alexander "Bodie's Brat" Potter) and announces, all Basil Exposition, "Hey, Dad, I was just thinking that with the catering, and expanding our hours, our finances are going to be straightened out in no time." Mr. Pothead tells Joey that he and Bessie were up early "scheming up" ways to make money. "Scheming" seems like an odd word choice for a man so recently sprung from prison, but, again, whatever. Bessie tells Joey that her friend Pam is getting married this Saturday and her caterer fell through, blah blah blah and they'll be serving Icehouse fishcakes at the reception, if Joey can get her friends to work as servers. Joey reluctantly says she can. Bessie hands Alexander to Mr. Pothead and gushes, "Isn't this exciting? I mean, we're finally on our way to getting out of debt!" If this single gig is going to make all the difference in their financial lives, I would like to know (a) what the hell kind of huge, bloody expensive wedding is this? (b) what kind of food the staff of the freaking Icehouse would serve at such a schmancy event, and (c) what miniscule amount of debt the family is carrying. Some of these questions are addressed as Joey mutters to Bessie, "Are you sure this is a good idea? We're not an upscale catering business; we grill cheeseburgers." Bessie, unruffled, replies, "Don't worry; with Dad's help, we'll be fine." Mr. Pothead adds, "We're Potters. We're quick studies and we always land on our feet, right?" Joey does not ask, "Is that what you did when you were thrown in the clink, Pops?" Bessie carries Alexander off and Mr. Pothead says, "Joey, I'm the father. It's my job to do the worrying. Your days of worrying are over." Joey looks...distinctly worried. He says, "I missed you so much," and hugs her. She says she missed him too. He says they're a family again. Bessie nods. Alexander sucks a whole lot of milk and even more air out of his bottle. Joey scuffs her feet.
Over at the school, Joey has evidently just finished giving Jack "In & Out" McPhee the 411, since he's asking since when the Icehouse caters weddings. Joey says, "Since my father got paroled from prison and took over the restaurant?" Jack stares at her speechlessly. Joey admits that she never told him about her father (duh) and says she came home last night and found him on the porch. Jack says she must be thrilled. Joey not very convincingly says, "Yeah!" and then allows, "It's just a little weird, like being broadsided by a bus. A happy bus." Finally she says she's in shock. Jack says, "Something's wrong." Joey says, "Last night I was lying in bed and I couldn't sleep. I was shaking. I have this pit in my stomach the size of a grenade. I've seen my dad one time in three years. We can't just pick up where we left off. And then this whole catering plan is just compounding my anxieties. All the bluebloods of Capeside are going to be at the wedding. I mean, this isn't the most low-profile setting for my father to re-emerge into society." Jack says, "Yeah. Maybe you need to tell your father that this catering plan's ill-conceived. Too much too soon, you know? And I think you need to deal with this reunion with your father on a personal level before you go public." Joey says, "You should have seen Bessie's face this morning. She was so excited. I don't want to rain on their parade." Jack says, "Don't worry. I'll be there." That was nice. It was pretty good advice, too.
Elsewhere in the school, Dawson is telling Pacey that he's going to re-edit the movie. Pacey "The Only Reason I Still Watch This Show" Witter is pretending to care. They hit their mark adjacent to the school's main office, giving them a view of the Flash and La Filmette chatting. Dawson somehow manages to pout not just with his face, but with his entire body, as he whines, "You know, it's bad enough that my parents are separated and my mother is heartbroken. Should I really have to be subjected to this?" Pacey says, "Well, she does have certain assets." Dawson starts to whine about that as well, but just in time Jack appears, and offers them each $60 to be cater waiters at the wedding. Pacey, thank God, replies, "Sold! For sixty bucks, I'd cater your ass," and strides off. Jack chuckles and answers, "That won't be necessary." Dawson asks how the Icehouse came to cater weddings. Jack tells him it's "Mr. Potter's brainchild." Dawson looks confused, and says, "Mr. Potter?" Jack matter-of-factly says "yeah," and then, perceiving Dawson's dumb incomprehension, explains: "Joey's dad got paroled yesterday." Before more may be said, the bell rings.
In the ladies' room, Abby "Speaking of the Tolling of Bells" Morgan is primping in front of the mirror, wearing the highly improbable ensemble of a tight black jacket liberally trimmed with dyed black ostrich feathers, and some kind of freaky-ass updo involving little pieces of strategically-placed black fluff. Jen "Motivation Polka" Lindley walks in and asks if they can talk. Abby says she didn't think they were speaking, and that Jen had no more use for her now that Dawson's movie has wrapped. Jen tells her to forget it and starts to go. Abby scuttles after her. Jen essentially announces that if it's Wednesday, it's time for her to be a bad girl again. This time, the reason is that she's bored, and that if everyone is going to think of her as a ho, then she might as well act like one. Uh, she's basing this on Ty's behaviour? Really, I'd think the Jen I know would be smarter than that. Jen goes on to say that, when she thought about it, she realized that the best times she's had this year, she had with Abby. Oh, really? Like fighting over Cliff? Like (sort of) fighting over Chris? Like being implicated in the Abby-orchestrated fiasco, "Sex, She Wrote"? Jen, Jen, Jen. Evidently your memory is the only thing shorter than your legs. Anyway, Abby says that's the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her.
In yet another school-adjacent location, Pacey and Andie "Screechy McWhine" McPhee are walking out, Andie in a particularly heinous ensemble of long, light blue floral-patterned skirt slit up to the knee, navy tights, and white sneakers. This is what happens when you're off your meds? Ouch! Anyway, Pacey is saying that if they both waiter at the wedding, they'll have $120. Andie says, "Did you have an abacus in your pocket, or did you just add that in your head?" Wow, what a beeotch! When is Pacey going to dust her ass already? Pacey ignores her and says he figures that with that much money they could take a road trip to New York, have a nice dinner, go to a show and then take a nice carriage ride around Central Park. Andie rightly calls him on his accounting. Pacey says if not New York, they could have a nice romantic evening in Capeside. A tedious exchange follows during which Andie claims to hate weddings, Pacey tells her that attending the wedding with him will change her mind, and that if it doesn't, she can have the entire $120, which finally convinces Andie to waiter at the wedding.
Over at the Icehouse, Joey is coughing at Mr. Pothead's too-strong horseradish-themed hors d'oeuvre as Dawson walks in. Mr. Pothead sees him and says, sotto voce, "Dawson Leery. I thought when I came back for sure that you two would be an item. What happened?" Joey tells him it's a long story. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it Pacey who bribed a guard so that Joey could see her dad? Okay, just asking. Dawson congratulates Mr. Pothead on successfully getting out of the joint. Mr. Pothead says, "You're looking good," and Dawson says not "you too," but "thank you" and nothing else. Mr. Pothead remarks that the kids are growing up and then excuses himself to deal with the horseradish. Mr. Pothead tells Dawson to tell his parents he said "hi." Dawson says, "You'll actually be able to tell them yourself; they're guests at the wedding on Saturday." I have to say at this point that Mr. Pothead isn't played by a very good actor, but that his constant mellow smile is how I'd imagine someone looking after just getting out of prison -- happy and relieved. ["Or stoned. -- Sars] Anyway, he leaves, and Dawson asks how long Joey's known that her dad was getting out of prison. Joey says it was a total surprise. Dawson asks how she's doing. Joey says she's okay, since Jack, "with his typically intuitive insight...was able to calm [her] down." Dawson squeaks, "Great!" Joey quickly adds, "I was looking for you, but I had to cut school early to come here to help out." Dawson says nothing, so Joey grabs a horseradish-encrusted salmon and asks him to taste it. As Dawson is doing so, the camera pans over to a table in the corner at which two women are sitting. One says, pretty loudly: "Do you know what he did to her mother? He was cheating on her! While that poor woman was dying of cancer." Dawson and Joey both turn to look at her as the gossiping woman goes on: "I don't think he should ever be allowed back into Capeside. I mean, he's a drug dealer, for goodness' sake." Her companion hisses, "Keep your voice down!" Joey and Dawson look back at each other. Dawson ruefully says, "Well, that's Capeside for you." Joey hesitates for a moment, and then starts the too-fast chatter of false cheer: "You know I've got to get back in the kitchen but thank you for helping out this weekend I really appreciate it." Dawson helplessly watches her go.
I have no intention of Doing the Dew, thanks. But the Volkswagen mechanics make me giggle. I have to start working the phrase "Great day in the morning" into my regular vocabulary.
At the Athenaeum, Joey is dispatching the troops of cater waiters to various strategic locations. As she's finishing up, Bessie strides in looking, actually, quite smart in a black suit and crisp white blouse. Joey says, "The guests are already starting to arrive. We're going to survive this, right?" Bessie says, "Of course we will! Just relax and breathe." Joey growls, "I don't have time to breathe." As she's getting ready to woman her own station, Dawson ignores her instructions and sidles up to her and says, "Joey, I need to talk to you. About those women at the Icehouse --" Joey says, "What about them? They're just the [inaudible] Capeside ignoramuses. It's bound to happen when your father's an infamous philanderer and drug dealer." Dawson persists: "Are you okay, though? I'm worried about you." Joey answers not, "Now is not the time. Get to the champagne like I told you and don't make me bitch-slap you," but "I'm fine! Dawson, I'm fine. Honestly, I don't care about those idiotic women. There are a hundred people out there waiting to eat, and at this point, getting them fed is the only thing on my mind." She walks off, leaving Dawson sighing loudly at Joey's estrangement from her feelings.
Out on the floor, Mrs. Flash is arriving, looking quite lovely in a very flattering ice-blue dress, unfortunately accompanied by her usual nas-tay, over-processed straw hair, and some particularly ill-advised ice-blue eyeshadow. She tells Dawson she's decided to take her own advice, and that she's going to get his father back. She moves slightly past him as Dawson glances at the door in time to see Flash walk in with La Filmette -- and then the camera cuts to Mrs. Flash, who's also seen them come in, and has the stricken facial expression to prove it. That's gonna leave a mark!
As they bring out the cake, Pacey is pontificating to Andie about how romantic the environment is, and how excited he is, but Andie is having none of it and points out that she has a cake knife in her hand. Pacey says they can get the cake and the buffet ready, and then go out and watch the ceremony. You know, I don't think that cater waiters usually have the time to do things like watch wedding ceremonies, but whatever. I also would like to know what the writers are getting at by giving Pacey such a terminal case of wedding fever (catch it!) while Andie -- uncharacteristically for a girl with such a jones for the likes of Footloose -- isn't into any of the matrimonial shenanigans. Anyway, Pacey says he wishes he had this kind of money: "When somebody in my family gets married, you end up wearing polyester, they serve fish sticks for appetizers, and the whole thing winds up in a drunken brawl. You got money, you can afford to make moments like this perfect -- beautiful location, the best champagne, and every peony in place." Pacey can identify peonies? Andie says, "It may look perfect, but scratch beneath the surface and you will find estrangement, despair and dysfunction. I mean, at least your family's imperfection reflects reality. My family? We looked perfect. But on the inside we were falling apart." Pacey says, "You're just a regular Pollyanna today, aren'tcha? Go easy on the sunshine, sister." Andie's voice starts to get that strained note as she says, "All right, look, Pacey. I told you I didn't want to come to this wedding. I told you it would put me in a bad mood. And you forced me to come. And you know what? Now you are going to have to deal with the consequences." As she says this, she flails her arms about and knocks the top off the wedding cake. Joey appears just in time to see the accident, and lets out a tortured breath. Thus kicks off clichéd wedding-related plotline number one: Wacky mishap compromises important symbolic item.
Elsewhere, Dawson stumbles upon clichéd wedding-related plotline number two: Bride has cold feet! Yep, there she is, sitting in a chair in the lounge outside the bathroom, crying her pretty face off. "Are you okay?" Dawson asks unnecessarily. Pam, the bride, goes toward the window as if to crawl out, and says she isn't sure she wants to get married at all, and what if her fiancé isn't the one? Dawson looks at her with a particularly bovine expression of incomprehension, and admits, "I don't know what to say." Well, that's a first.
In Jen's room, Abby and Jen are clad in some comfy-looking sweats and t-shirts, looking, for once, like actual teenagers and goofily dancing to some teenybopper music. Off-screen, someone impersonating Grams yells, "Jennifah, could you please turn that down?" Abby mimics her and flops down on the bed. Jen asks what they're going to do tonight, since she's in the mood for some "serious fun." Abby says they're in desperate need for the three B's and then can only think of two: booze and boys. Abby asks what the other kids are doing. Jen tells her that they're all working at this wedding, and then grouses that they didn't ask her. Abby gets the brilliant idea to crash the wedding. Wow, is it clichéd wedding-related plotline number three already?
Back at the wedding, all the guests are seated and looking restless. The man who is presumably the father of the bride is looking at his watch and huffing -- yet no one from her family actually goes to look for her.
Back in the bathroom, Pam is sobbing in loud, exaggerated, moaning breaths. Dawson reminds her that people are waiting for her. Jack knocks on the door asking what's going on, and Dawson tells Pam he'll take care of it. Jack offers to go talk to her. Dawson says he doubts Jack would be able to do any good. When they open the door again, Pam has evidently locked herself in the bathroom.
Joey, going into meltdown in the kitchen, neatly recapping for Bessie the evening's events, particularly the fact that most of her wait staff has gone AWOL. Bessie tells her everything's going to be okay. Joey is not convinced and starts squealing at her: "Bessie, we have enough to deal with now that Dad's back without taking on this wedding. We were blinded by the fantasy of paying off all our debts that we overlooked the now painfully obvious reality that we have no idea what we're doing." Bessie, getting irritated now, says, "It's not that bad! Everything's under control. We're just experiencing a few glitches." Joey screeches, "'A few glitches'? Bessie, we are going to ruin this wedding and humiliate ourselves yet again in front of all of Capeside. It's the story of our lives." Bessie insists, "No, it's not over yet, and we can do this. And I don't think we should get Dad all worked up about it." Joey yelps, "Why not? This was his bright idea in the first place." Bessie looks over Joey's shoulder, saying nothing. Joey goes on as, of course, her father comes in and overhears: "I mean, he tore our family apart, and he thinks he can just put it back together in a day. Well, he can't." Mr. Pothead walks by looking very sad. Way to go, Joey!
I'd just like to note that at this point, my tape lost video entirely, leaving me to write the rest of the wrap-up with the audio only. See what I do for your people? Stupid cheap-ass Maxell tapes. Who knew that the No-Frills house brand was more reliable?
Back at the wedding, the guests continue to get restless. Back outside the bathroom, Jack and Dawson continue trying to talk the bride out. Eventually she opens the door and says that she feels like she's going to be sick, she's scared that Alan isn't her soul mate and that if she marries him she'll risk missing out on her one chance for perfect love, blah blah blah fishcakes. Jack says, "You could spend your whole life looking for a perfect love, and I promise you, you'll never find it." At this, the bride starts sobbing again, so Jack quickly goes on: "No, no, it's 'cause love isn't perfect. Everyone's flawed, including you -- including Alan. But I bet that he loves you, and that love is real. Are you sure you want to walk away from something that's real, for a pipe dream that may not exist? Huh?" At this the bride seems to relent, so Jack goes for the closer: "You're just suffering from an acute case of wedding-day jitters. It wouldn't be a wedding without 'em -- It's tradition! It's like throwing the bouquet or taking off the garter. Besides, I bet that when you start to walk down that aisle and you look into Alan's eyes, all your fears are just going to dissolve away."
I think at this point the bride did end up walking down the aisle. But like I said, I couldn't see.
After the ceremony, Pam approaches Jack and says, "I don't even know you, but you saved my life. You were right. Thank you. I'm so happy!" As she walks away, Dawson turns to Jack and says, "So I talk to her for twenty minutes, and she wants to jump out the window. You come in and in ten minutes save her marriage. How do you do that?" Jack says, "I trained with this Indian shaman who lives up in the woods...I don't know, I just happened to say the right thing." Dawson says, "There was a time when she used to come to me." Jack says not, "Oh, here we go," but, "Joey?" Dawson says, "Yeah. Whenever she had news or something she wanted to talk about, she'd climb through my window and we'd talk for hours and hours. Now she goes to you." Jack says, "Dawson, I don't think you should draw any conclusions about your relationship with Joey based on something so circumstantial. Besides, I may be friends with her, but you're her soul mate." Somewhere in New York, Sarah introduces a fork to her eye. But there's more! Dawson says, "You just told the bride you don't believe in soul mates." Jack says, "I don't believe in perfect love, but I do believe that there are people whose lives are inextricably intertwined [oh lord] -- you know, who have a bond that lasts forever, can never be broken. And she needs you now, man! You're the only one that knows her whole history, okay? You are the only one who knows what she's going through." Dawson doesn't even pretend to be at all modest about this, and says, "I know! It is so frustrating; I keep on reaching out to her, but between her pride, this wedding, I can't connect." Jack says, "Maybe what she needs is for you to force a connection." I don't even know what that might entail, but I don't like to think about it.
Elsewhere, Pacey and Andie are messing unsuccessfully with the cake top. Then the bride comes along and Andie has to stall her. It's official -- Andie is the Donna Martin of Dawson's Creek. Andie berates him some more after the bride leaves, not helping in the reconstruction of the cake top, and Pacey at least has the presence of mind to point out to her that it was her "wild gesticulations" that smashed up the cake top in the first place. Finally, Pacey says he isn't going to work on the cake any longer until Andie admits she's a wedding junkie. So she does. Whatever.
Back in the kitchen, Mr. Pothead says they're all caught up, and that "where there's a will, the Potters will find a way." Okay, we know your name. Quit saying it. After she pays lip service to how good it looks (whatever it is), Mr. Pothead remarks in the flatliner voice to end all flatliner voices, "Joey, when you spend three years alone in a prison cell, it can make you monstrously self-absorbed, and I never even considered how my presence here would adversely affect you." Joey says, "Dad, I'm really stressed out. I didn't mean any of those things." Mr. Pothead says, "Well, whether you did or didn't, you were completely right. You two have been so strong. And you've done so well. And here comes your criminal father, coming back to Capeside to bring you more shame and scandal." Joey says, "Daddy, you can't expect to come back and have everything be normal again. Things have changed. I think we need to deal with them as a family before we invite in the [inaudible] scrutiny of total strangers." Mr. Pothead says, "I'm the father. I'm the one that's supposed to be protecting you from all the harsh realities of the world, and here you are protecting me. Yet again, I'm failing in my parental duties." Joey gasps, "Please don't say that!" Mr. Pothead says, "I better go check on that salmon." Ouch, all around.
Out on the floor, Mrs. Flash takes a glass of champagne and asks Dawson who the woman is with the Flash. Dawson tells her it's his film teacher: "the notorious one who told me my film was insipid." Yes, because it's all about you. Mrs. Flash asks how long the Flash has been seeing her. Dawson answers he doesn't know, just in time for Flash and La Filmette to walk over. The Flash introduces La Filmette to Mrs. Flash. La Filmette chirps that it was a lovely wedding. Mrs. Flash excuses herself to find her seat. Dawson asks to speak to the Flash alone. The Flash apologizes for making it awkward for Dawson, and says that he didn't know Dawson was going to be there. Dawson says that isn't the point, since the Flash knew that Mrs. Flash would be. The Flash says that La Filmette is a colleague, and that she's smart and funny and that he enjoys spending time with her, and finally that if Mrs. Flash has a problem with it, she's going to have to deal with it, since the Flash has to live his life. Then he lowers his voice and adds that he didn't want to put Dawson in the middle. Dawson actually gets off a good line at this: "That's exactly what you're doing by dating teachers from my school." Hello!
By now Jen and Abby have gotten all dolled up and crashed the wedding, champagne in hand and all. Jen notes that there are no cute guys and that it's "totally the middle-aged set." Abby says that Jen needs a father figure: "Someone with more sexual experience than you. If that's possible." Jen tells her, without much conviction, to shut up, and adds that they're probably all married anyway. Abby says, "Maybe it's time to graduate from nymphette to homewrecker. Cheers!" Just then Andie comes over and kicks them out. Abby makes a few comments about Andie's need to up her dosage, Andie gets increasingly angry, and Jen suggests that they go to the boardwalk and come back "when everybody's a little more toasted and not quite so uptight." Abby takes a bottle of champagne from an ice-bucket and they go.
In the kitchen, Dawson encounters Joey and divines that she's been crying: "Don't tell me nothing's wrong, Joey; I know you." Joey tells him it's been a hectic day, but she's fine. Then she relents and gives him what he wants: "I'm just really scared. I finally get him back, and then -- what if he hurts me again?" Her voice breaks as she concludes: "I can't keep getting my heart broken by him." "Joey," Dawson croons. "I can't," she says more firmly. Dawson says, "In the back of your mind, you always kind of felt that as soon as your father got back, everything would be fine. Life would be perfect. I think your father probably felt the same way too -- that as soon as he got back he could just clean up every mess and right every wrong. But he can't. You two are both suffering under the burden of such impossibly high expectations right now, and all this hurt and pain and anger that you're feeling isn't going to just disappear. And that's okay. Joey, these past three years, you have been so unbelievably strong. You've let the petty gossip and judgments of this town roll right off you. Don't let them get to you now. Now is the time to dig in your heels and show them that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. And you're not alone in this. You have your father now. You have a family again. And you'll always have me." Joey breathes, "Thank you," and then they hug. And, you're not going to believe this, but now -- now that Dawson's had his big long emotional soliloquy -- the video on my tape starts to come back.
I don't know about any of y'all, but the Dawson's Creek CD actually isn't the soundtrack I've been waiting for. Sorry!
Joey comes back into the kitchen as her dad asks how it's going out there. She says she thinks it's fine. Then she conversationally, and yet in a tone of great significance, asks, "Dad, do you remember Melissa Barry? She used to wear her hair on top of her head in a ponytail." Mr. Pothead says, "Right, she was a friend of yours." Joey continues in the same tight voice, "Yeah. Um. The day you were arrested? Um, I was at school, in the bathroom, in one of the stalls, and I overheard her talking about you, about, um, how you were a drug dealer, and we lived in a crack house, and she was laughing, and I remember I was so upset that I ran home and I cried for hours, and Dawson came over and cheered me up. The day, I went back to school, and I walked up to her and I looked her straight in the eyes, and I smiled, and I walked away like nothing had happened." Mr. Pothead says, "Joey, I'm sorry."
Joey says, "That's not my point, Dad. People are always going to talk. Let 'em talk. And I'll always walk with my head held high, and they can't crush me. And I know that you've been through a lot. You've made your mistakes, but you're my dad. I'm proud of you. And the thing is, protecting me from the outside world is one thing. Please don't pretend with me, and I promise I won't pretend with you. And I just wanted to say that I love you. And I'm really glad that you're home." Okay, I'm not proud. This choked me up. Then they hug, of course. Joey starts tugging at his sleeves, saying, "Come on. I want to show my dad off tonight." Mr. Pothead demurs, saying, "No, Joey, I think you were right before. When it comes to the outside world, I think we should take things slow." Joey says, "Dad, I don't care about the outside world. I care about you! There's a celebration going on, and we have so much to celebrate. Come with me." Mr. Pothead says, "I'm not ready, Joey. Not yet. Sorry." Joey probably looks disappointed at this. I can't tell, because the video's out again.
Elsewhere, Pacey seems to have raced out to The Cake Top Warehouse and gotten a new one to replace the one Andie crushed. They put it on the cake, the bride gets choked up. The day is saved. Oh, how I wish I cared. But I don't.
On the boardwalk, Jen is walking up the stairs, and Abby is walking up to her fate. Both are pretty tipsy. Jen slurs, "Do you ever think that you'll get married?" Abby says, "Married? To some beer-swigging, football-watching bonehead?" Jen laughs, and continues the portrait: "Living in some cookie-cutter house with two snot-nosed little brats and driving car pool, baby!" Abby: "Grocery shopping!" Jen: "Climbing the walls, popping valium -- suburban nightmare." They've reached the top of the stairs by now and sit down. Abby says, "You know, I don't think I'll ever be happy. Wherever I am, I'll always wish I'm someplace else. Whatever I have, I'll always want something different." Jen says, "I hear you." Abby says, "I just don't want to be a cliché." "Or boring," Jen adds. Abby says, "I just wanna drink." "Amen," says Jen. Abby starts listing and smacks her head. Jen laughs. Abby whines, "Ow! That hurt, you bitch!" She starts to get up, then loses her footing and falls off the dock. Jen starts screaming Abby's name and then jumps in after her. I guess this wasn't dramatic enough, because then we cut...
...back to the wedding, where Pacey asks Andie to dance. She admits that weddings aren't so bad, and adds, "I think when we get married, we should do it in Venice, because it is the city of romance. What do you think?" Pacey diplomatically answers, "I think that by the time we're thirty, that city will have sunk into the sea."
Dawson asks a very forlorn-looking Mrs. Flash to dance. As they dance, he reminds her of the advice she'd given him about tenacity. She thanks him, choked up.
Jack tells Joey she did it, and that the wedding was a success. She says she's just glad it's over. He directs her attention to the kitchen door, where Mr. Pothead stands, having changed out of his chef gear and into a rather smart suit. He asks Joey to dance. Dawson and Mrs. Flash watch them, I believe, until Mr. Pothead sees Dawson and the two couples switch partners. Mrs. Flash welcomes him home and they dance off. Dawson and Joey exchange "heys" and then she thanks him for being her friend, and for understanding her better than anyone else. And then she says, "I love you," and he says, "I love you too," and I say, "I can't go through this again! My God!" Then they kiss quite soulfully while his mom and her dad look on proudly. Ew.
Then we cut to a shot of a very blue and very dead Abby, looking like Laura Palmer (tm Slinky) being zipped into a body bag and loaded into an ambulance while Jen, wrapped in a blanket, wet through, and crying, is left standing alone in the street. That has to be against some kind of paramedic rule, I don't care how few medical personnel there are on Cape Cod.
Abby Morgan, smell ya later.