Episode Report Card Sars: D+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Boyfriend
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 03.09.1998
Sanctum Dawsonorum. Billy, a towel draped jauntily around his neck, fingers Dawson’s stuff and asks, "This must be pretty weird for you, huh?" Dawson, icily: "What’s that?" Billy, with an air of superiority: "Having me here. Having your girlfriend’s ex sharing your bedroom -- that’s gotta be a real trip, man." Dawson musters up a nonchalant tone: "It’s only till tomorrow, so --" Billy says patronizingly, "Oh yeah, that’s what Jenny said -- tomorrow, right?" Dawson glares at him. Billy sneers as he looks around the Sanctum, "So what are you, anyway, some sort of film buff?" Dawson says quietly, "Something like that, yeah." Billy spots Dawson’s E.T. doll, says, "Awwwww," and holds it up by its arms, crooning, "Now this is cute," and Dawson jumps up and snatches it away from Billy: "That is a collector’s item -- look, Billy, if you’re going to be staying another day, I should know. Jen should know." Billy removes the towel and says, "Okay, how about this -- I’m not leaving tomorrow. In fact, I have no intention of leaving until Jen’s thrown you over and come back to me." "Thrown you over"? I don’t recall seeing Edith Wharton’s name in the credits for this episode, but in any case, Billy challenges Dawson, "So, the question is, what do you do about it, Dawson? Do you have Daddy throw me out? Do you remove me personally from the premises?" Dawson stares at Billy with raw hatred, which makes Billy crack up: "Have a sense of humor, man -- look at you! You’re all torqued up over nothing!" He flops back on Dawson’s bed and says, "Yeah, I’ll probably split tomorrow -- but in the meantime, you and I should take advantage of our newfound closeness here." Dawson raises a brow. Billy says he bets Dawson really wants to know "what Jen was like in New York, so -- shoot. Ask away." Dawson primly answers that Jen already told him everything, but to my delight, Billy hasn’t finished torturing Dawson, saying that Jen probably told him the caught-in-bed, shipped-up-to-Capeside part, "but did she give you the details? Did she fill in the blanks that make a story a story, because my guess is, there’s a lot you don’t know, Dawson. My guess is, you don’t know the half of it." Word. Dawson adopts one of his Faces Of Great Self-Righteousness, but he still seems nervous.
Over at the Bastard Barn, Dawson barges in and tells Joey he really needs to talk to her, and Joey jumps up and shushes him, which she should really do more often, because "if you wake [the baby] up your life will be over." She shoves him into the kitchen and stage-whispers, "What is the problem?" Dawson, not lowering his voice one bit, whines, "Okay, you know how yesterday I said that everything between Jen and me was great, was fine, well it’s not, it’s a mess." "Yesterday"? Memo to the writers: that conversation took place the same morning -- Dawson and Joey have the same clothes on. Hire. A. Line. Editor. Please. Anyhow. Dawson brings Joey up to date on the Billy situation, and Joey smiles and says, "Oh, so that’s who that cute guy was in school yesterday," and Dawson cringes and says, "You’re not helping," and Joey rolls her eyes and wonders, "Look, what’s the big deal? I mean, I thought you were ‘with’ Jen. You guys are a couple, right?" Dawson sputters yeah, of course, but once "Mr. Smooth" came to town, "bowling started to sound pretty lame." Joey remarks that bowling always sounds lame. Dawson ignores this and says that he can’t stand having Billy at his house, and if he kicks Billy out, it makes him look petty, but if he lets Billy stay, it makes him feel like a "patsy." Dawson bemoans the fact that relationship problems seem to run in his family, and Joey grumbles, "Dawson, I hate to break it to you, but your problems really aren’t that original." BWA HA HAAA! And Sars fell upon her knees and sobbed, "Old Joey, Old Joey, why hast thou forsaken us?" Joey goes on to say that "divorce and dysfunction run rampant" in Capeside, and Dawson responds that he could handle dysfunction but not divorce, asking, "How much pain and humiliation can a relationship endure before it just reaches the point of no return?" Joey, skeptically: "Are we talking about the father or the son here?" Dawson slumps and doesn’t answer, and Joey takes pity on him: "Dawson, relax, don’t worry about it. You know, it’s all gonna blow over, and you’re gonna be onto bigger and better problems before you know it." Dawson asks, "You think so? I should -- sit tight?" and Joey reassures him, and he thanks her and -- no lie -- punches her lightly on the shoulder (like, buck up, little camper!) before bolting out the door and slamming it behind him, which naturally wakes up the baby and snaps Joey out of her watching-Dawson-go reverie.
Water scenes. The next day, Jen -- who should have stayed in and given her roots a touch-up instead -- takes a walk with Dawson and thanks him for his "generosity" in giving Billy "a place to crash" -- um, writers? Could you please find another phrase besides "place to crash"? Thanks. Dawson comments that Billy "isn’t exactly here to watch the leaves change colors" -- fortunately, since the writers can’t pick a season and stick to it anyway -- and adds that Billy obviously came to win Jen back. Dawson’s hair looks like it walked off the set of a Hair-In-A-Can infomercial. Jen insists she told Billy "everything about" her relationship with Dawson; Dawson snaps, "I don’t think he’s getting the message, and quite frankly, I don’t think you want him to." Sad to say, I have to agree with Big D on that point. Jen says she doesn’t want to lie to Dawson, "so, yeah, Billy still has feelings for me," and Dawson sighs nostriliciously as Jen says, "I mean, we never really got a chance to say goodbye -- my parents threw me out of New York so fast, there was never any time for closure." Dawson says, "I thought you wanted to make a break from all those guys who ‘sexualized you way too young,’" and Jen claims, "But Billy wasn’t one of them -- he was the only guy who ever treated me with respect. He treated me well." Dawson, not really listening: "You’re going back to him?" When Jen doesn’t answer immediately, Dawson shouts, "You have to think about that?" and Jen calls the situation "confusing" and "not that simple," and I can’t disagree with her either, but Dawson proceeds to lay down the law: "We’re invited to a party at Cliff Elliott’s tonight, and I want you to come with me. I want things to go back to normal, and I want Billy gone." Jen says she can’t send Billy away just like that. Dawson says sarcastically, "Oh, of course -- he’s treated you with nothing but respect. Well, Jen, last time I checked, so did I. And how do I get repaid? By having the guy who’s had you everywhere from Battery Park to your parents’ bed dumped on me as my new bunkmate." Jen understandably takes issue with Dawson’s self-absorption, and nearly in tears she shouts, "Dawson, come on, be fair to me, all right? This isn’t the easiest situation in the world for me either, I mean -- I mean, imagine if some ex-girlfriend of yours showed up into town and just put everything in a whirlwind," and Dawson naturally cuts her off by telling her that "that’s impossible, okay, because I don’t have an ex-girlfriend! You’re my girlfriend, my first and only. All I’m trying to do is prevent Billy’s ex from becoming my ex too." Jen, trying not to let the wind generated by Dawson’s wildly flapping nostrils knock her over, tells him that her feelings for him haven’t changed and he should try to understand, and Dawson says judgmentally, "Unfortunately, I think I do," and stomps away, and Jen stomps off in the other direction.
Cut to a large thing going down in flames on a TV screen, which Pacey watches appreciatively at the video store. Joey ma