It's Hollywood night! I don't know what that means. They are going to dance to songs from the movies? They are going to dress like "movie stars" which is a very nebulous concept? They aren't going to talk at all and it's a tribute to silent movies? That would be kind of great, actually. So far it means that they're going to do a little skit to Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet" where they're all playing cards in a speakeasy. I don't really get how that is Hollywood but let's just go with it.
After they finish, Tom tells us that Bill Nye has a badly torn tendon in his leg, so he may or may not be competing tonight. That's later, though. Now, Leah and Tony have a James Bond-themed rumba. Leah knows that she needs to work on her sexy face, and she's totally right. I’m glad she realizes that because it was very, very bad. Tony wants Leah to stop comparing herself to others, but Leah knows how to play the game and explains that she wants the viewers to know how hard she is working. Well, their rumba isn't terrible. Leah has some good hip action in the beginning but it kind of disappears, and in her efforts to be dramatic, she sometimes loses the fluidity of the dance.
Judges? Len loved the chemistry, but would like to see more fluidity in the arms. Bruno thought she was so sexy that it turned him straight and she really got into character, and he thinks Leah went out of her comfort zone. Carrie Ann thought her arms were actually good, although they got locked up at one point, and she found it steamy. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Overscored. It wasn't that good.
Injury update: Brant hurt his foot and has been wearing a boot all week. Bill Nye tore his quadricep and wasn't allowed to dance all week. So even if he can dance tonight, he'll be unrehearsed. No, thank you.
Karina and Corbin have the quickstep. Karina's goal is to have the fastest quickstep in the history of the show. Corbin reminds her that he's never done ballroom dancing before, and he's a little lost. Their routine is technically perfect and I'm once again struck by how unfair it is that he's in this competition. I never felt this way before with any of the other so-called "ringers," not even Nicole Scherzinger. But it all seems so effortless and if you were watching the show for the first time, I don't know that you could pick out whether Corbin or Karina was the pro. If someone's that good from week one on, it all just feels a little unfair. That's no offense to Corbin; he's obviously working really hard, but he is either a dancing phenom, or his dancing background is giving him a leg up on the competition.
Judges? Bruno says it's one for the record books because it was incredibly fast and they also maintained synchronicity. Carrie Ann couldn't believe how sharp and bright his footwork was, especially at that speed, but he lost his frame once in a while. Len thought it was a bit hectic and sacrificed style for speed. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.
Elizabeth and Val have the foxtrot, which is supposed to be elegant. As they rehearse, Elizabeth has trouble letting Val lead her, so he puts a blindfold on her so that she has no choice but to follow him. Elizabeth has this really annoying habit of saying "hashtag" something at the end of her sentences, like she's speaking in tweets. Like when he put the blindfold on her, she said, "hashtag trust." She really needs to stop doing that. She really nails the elegant arm motions and head movements of the foxtrot. That was one of the nicer foxtrots I've seen in a while.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was joyful and nearly flawless other than a small mix-up in the middle. Len thought it was delicious and that Elizabeth is a contender. Bruno tells her that she hit a few bumps, but she kept going and she seems to love dancing. I missed a little of what Bruno said because all of the judges were arguing. My favorite part of the judging is when Tom calls her on talking in hashtags and concludes, "hashtag stop." Tom is the best. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 8.
Brant and Peta are up , and as we learned earlier, Brant hurt his foot. But that's not the worst of it. He also lost his phone and was robbed at gunpoint. Insert record scratch here. What? Someone mugged him and Brant gave him the bag with his Latin dance shoes and a T-shirt. Anyway, putting that in the past, Brant is having trouble with the quickstep because he can't step quickly with his boot on. Peta is worried about their dance since they can't rehearse properly. Brant is a really great dancer. He just looks great out there, and the choreography is fantastic. The song is terrible; it's like a zydeco version of Beyonce's "Crazy in Love." But I thought it was fantastic.
Judges? Len thought it had speed and control and was painless to watch even if it was painful to dance. Bruno thinks Brant was the perfect matinee idol and he played the part well, elegant and stylish. Carrie Ann couldn't see his injury at all, and thought he was amazing. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. They are astounded by those scores. I don't think they even dared dream that they would score so high, but I think it was deserved.
Valerie and Tristan are thrilled to have made it to Hollywood week. During rehearsals, Valerie gets really frustrated because she can't remember the routine. And I guess their theme is Freddie Mercury dances with Grace Kelly? Whoa. There are a lot of people out there, ladies and gents alike, who are going to be way too interested in those tight white pants that Tristan is wearing as Freddie Mercury to pay attention to anything that Valerie is doing, and I am among them. Yowza. That's a good thing, because Valerie is kind of a mess. She keeps forgetting steps, but soldiers on valiantly. There's very little cha cha and it's pretty bad, but it was all worth it to see Tristan as Freddie Mercury.
Judges? Bruno thinks she looks like Hollywood royalty (she kind of looks like Barbara Bush) but she knows that she went wrong a lot of times. Carrie Ann loved that Valerie didn't give up and tried to have fun. Len compliments Tristan for how he takes care of his partner; look, there's a reason they always give him the old ladies. I wish he would get rewarded with a young hottie one of these days. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 5. Valerie understands, and the judges give her a standing ovation.
Bill Engvall has the paso doble this week and he's going to pretend to be the Lone Ranger, his childhood hero. That could actually work. And he looks pretty good in rehearsals. Bill's posture is great, but he really needs to work on his hands. They are terrible, and this routine is all arms and hands. He's got his chest out, which is great, but his arms are ruining it. He thinks he nailed it, though. Well, at least he's having fun out there.
Judges? Carrie Ann thinks he nailed it, because every line matched Emma's perfectly. Len loves the Lone Ranger, so he was predisposed to love this routine, and he thinks it was Bill's best dance. Bruno loved the attack. No one's going to mention the arms, but at the very end, they do mention his hands a little bit. They kind of ruined the routine for me. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Bill is so happy; he was just hoping for 8s. See? Corbin being on the show is really unfair to someone like Bill, who is not a dancer but is trying really hard and entertaining us.
Amber and Derek have the Charleston this week, and Amber has also started rehearsals for Glee. She's very busy and very tired, but she vows to do an "amazing Charleston" anyway. She and Derek do a hip hop Charleston which is super entertaining. Amber is better than anyone, even Corbin, at creating a character in the dance and never breaking it. I'm not sure how much the judges will like the hip hop elements. Let's find out.
Judges? Len thought it had razzle dazzle and I think he says he wanted more traditional moves but the crowd is drowning him out. Bruno says that she is an amazing performer but some of her movements need to be sharper. Carrie Ann thinks Bruno is right, because her top half wasn't matching her bottom half. Carrie Ann that she's only trying to give constructive criticism because she thinks Amber can be great. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Amber seems fine with those scores.
Jack and Cheryl have the cha cha and they've decided to go '70s Hollywood since everyone else is doing '20s Hollywood. They start the routine and Jack is feeling lost and that makes him lose confidence in himself. When their routine starts, Jack seems to have a lot of confidence and swagger, which is what their routine calls for, but then he messes up one of the moves he was nervous about in rehearsal, and after that he never regains that confidence. You can see him counting in his head instead of just dancing. He has segments that look really good; I think he just needs to learn the dance so well that he doesn't need to count and then let go, because he has good instincts.
Judges? Bruno says he loved the rock star opening, and it was very ambitious, but Jack needs to watch his hip action. Carrie Ann thought it was good, but not his best, and he's taking steps that are too big. Len loves Jack's commitment and attack, but he agrees on the hip action. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. They seem okay with that.
Christina and Mark also have the Charleston, and Mark is excited to show off Christina's versatility. For some reason, Mark is dressed in mime makeup. She is amazing. It's a quick routine and she doesn't miss a beat. She's wearing a bustier, though, and the entire time I'm just worried that her boob is going to pop out. I don't know how she does those dance moves with those things shaking around.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was incredible and she was impressed with Christina's range of emotions. Len loved that the dance mirrored the music and the choreography, but he thought the Charleston parts needed a little work. Bruno thought it was visually inventive. I wonder if the pros don't know the Charleston as well, so they can't instruct their dancers as well. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.
Snooki and Sasha have the quickstep this week. But first, they have to discover that Snooki thinks that rockets to into space and then go to heaven. Sasha is also trying to get her to do a one-handed cartwheel while holding his hand with the other. Yikes. Her routine is really amazing; fast and furious but also elegant and fun. Some nitpicks: she's a little pigeon-toed, and they have too much space between them in hold sometimes. She starts out with great posture and smiles but she loses it a bit in the middle. Those are small issues, though. It was great.
Judges? Len says that for her first ballroom dance, she really surprised him. Bruno thought she was on fire, and he can't believe how much she improved in a week. Carrie Ann thinks she is a superstar and then just babbles about the walk of fame. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
I so don't want to see Bill Nye dance with a broken leg. I mean, I don't really want to see him dance at all. He seems like a great guy and I love how he has tried to educate society about science, but this is just sad. Anyway, this injury happened at the end of last week's routine when he fell. Bill put on a brave face, but he knew he tore his quadriceps muscle. The doctor confirms it. Bill asks if he can immobilize the leg entirely and still dance, but the doctor thinks it's a terrible idea. Bill is going for it anyway. He's dressed up like a robot and he dances like one too, so he barely has to move. It's cute, and I don't see a whole lot of jazz. I guess I admire his drive to win? But come on. He's not going to win. Even in full health, he was a fun guy but a terrible dancer. And not even terrible like, "I can't wait to see what craziness he comes up with " but terrible like, "It makes me sad to watch him dance." I think he should hang up his shoes.
Judges? Bruno pretends to be a robot and then says that while there was no jazz, it was very entertaining. Carrie Ann says that it was brave, and Len agrees. I mean, what else can they say? Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 5. Len and Bruno say that their scores don't reflect their admiration for him.
Going into the elimination, here are the scores:
Brant and Peta: 27
Corbin and Karina: 26
Christina and Mark: 26
Elizabeth and Val: 25
Snooki and Sasha: 25
Leah and Tony: 24
Bill and Emma: 24
Amber and Derek: 24
Jack and Cheryl: 22
Valerie and Tristan: 16
Bill Nye and Tyne: 16
Wow, they are just going for it and naming the three couples who are in jeopardy. Remember, this is based on last week's voting and this week's scores, which makes no sense, but go with it. And those three couples are Christina and Mark, Brant and Peta, and Bill Nye and Tyne. I thought Bill Nye was going to stop the proceedings and volunteer to go home. He should. This is ridiculous. Why make one of those other couples go home? Anyway, Brant and Peta are staying, probably because of their awesome scores this week. So Christina and Mark and Bill and Tyne are not necessarily the bottom two, but one of them is going home. Okay, so Bill and Tyne are going home.
I'm happy to see it, to be honest. If Christina had gone home instead of Bill, that would have been bullshit. Brooke says that she knows that Bill wanted this, but wonders if this isn't a blessing in disguise. Bill admits that he knows that he can't keep up with the other dancers, but he's sorry to see Tyne have to stop competing. I do hope they bring her back, because she got a raw deal and performed admirably.