The cold open of the show is a number featuring all of the female pros to "Run the World (Girls)" by Beyonce. I'm still mad that NBC didn't create a highlight reel of the women's gymnastics team to this song during the last Olympics. I mean, do I have to do all the work here?
They've branded the recap of last night's episode as "Highlights of the Night." And then we swing right into some results. Aly and Mark are safe. Zendaya and Val are safe. Kellie and Derek are safe. So the top of the leaderboard is safe; no shocking elimination tonight. Ingo and Kym are safe too; Brooke totally made it seem like they were going to be in jeopardy.
The encore dance is Mark and Aly. I have the same issues with this routine that I did last night. It's a dance that seems choreographed for a woman with a body more like Kellie's or Peta's. Aly has a strong and solid body; I think it's awesome, but the dance doesn't really fit her body type, if that makes sense. It's all about a woman getting the strength to leave a man (I think?) and she seems so strong that she could just toss Mark across the floor in the first five seconds and be done with it. I'd pay to see that, actually.
Tom asks Karina and Jacoby about Jacoby's son, and Jacoby jokes that his son is pigeon-toed so he can't point his toes while dancing. Then they reveal that Karina started the dance early last night and almost screwed it up. Tom tells them that they're safe. Moving on to Sean and Peta, Sean says it's tough to start the show, and Peta says that she and Sean weren't happy with their routine because they had done it better before. They were sure they'd be on the bottom, but Tom tells them that they are safe too.
Then there's a skit about how Bruno has writers in the control room who come up with his wacky words. He doesn't. It's a joke. This would be funnier if they made that more clear; Tom has to explain it at the end.
Brad Paisley is here and thankgodfully he's not singing "Accidental Racist." Because Twitter would explode. Tony and Peta dance while he sings. So that happened.
Ooh, intrigue. People chose Val and Karina to dance together as we go to break. I think they hate each other, ever since Karina broke off her engagement with Val's brother Maks. I mean, they're professionals, so whatever, but I wonder if that happened purposefully or was just happenstance. Look, these results shows are dull. I need to take my excitement where I can. I'm certainly not getting it from Brad Paisley.
Brooke is backstage with some of the safe couples. Kellie really loved dancing while her husband sang. She loves her husband a little TOO much, you know? Like it creeps me out a bit. Zendaya is growing every day. She's already taller than Val. She needs to stop growing. Brooke tells Sean that week he will be compared side-by-side with pros doing a dance. That sounds...interesting? But a little early for that. Like save that for the finals.
The spotlight dance this week features a blind teenaged dancer who gets to do a duet with Derek. It's lovely. I love that Derek is her favorite if only because I figure it must really chap Mark's hide.
Andre Bocelli is on hand to sing with Jennifer Lopez. Anna and Val dance together while they sing. Is Jennifer Lopez rebranding herself as a nightclub act or something? Because that's what this feels like. This song could fit in on a '70s variety show or something. I keep expecting Tony Orlando to wander out in a powder blue tuxedo and remind me to tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree. You are only going to understand that joke if you are over forty. I'm sorry, youngsters.
Brooke is backstage with the couples waiting for their results. Lisa admits she doesn't remember much of last night. DL makes some jokes about not needing tanning spray and how he got a 7 from Len, which is a sign of the apocalypse. Victor doesn't have much to say. He's a fighter, not a talker. Andy says he doesn't want to leave, but he's happy that he got to do that dance for his daughter.
When they show the highlights from last night, we learn that Lisa was vomiting right before her performance, and I was totally right about Lindsay talking Victor through the whole dance.
Time for more results! DL and Cheryl are safe. DL is shocked. Doesn't he know he's paired with Cheryl? He's not going anywhere until they pick off the new pros. Speaking of new pros, they are all in jeopardy: Lisa and Gleb, Andy and Sharna, and Victor and Lindsay are waiting to find out which of them are going home. Don't get me wrong; they are probably the bottom three dancers, but DL should also be in there by all rights. I'd say last night, Andy was better than DL too.
So those three couples are waiting to find out the results. Andy and Sharna are safe. Phew! I would have been sad to see Andy go home for that particular dance. Victor and Lindsay and Lisa and Gleb walk down to the bottom of the stairs and stand there. And stand there. And stand there. And finally Tom tells them that Lisa and Gleb are going home. I'll miss Gleb's abs, to be sure. But Lisa was pretty useless. Maybe she's awesome on her reality show, but she was dull and kind of annoying here.
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