Before the couples are introduced, Tom and Brooke promise us two blockbuster announcements tonight. Announcements about a nearly-defunct video rental chain? I'm trying to think of what could qualify as a blockbuster announcement. I will accept someone quitting, including a judge or host. I will accept someone being unable to continue due to pregnancy. I will accept a partner swap because a couple can't work together anymore. That's about it. I don't moderate the forums for this show anymore, so I'm not as up-to-date on rumors and have absolutely no idea what this could be. Guess I'll have to wait and find out with the rest of America.
So this week, the stars got to direct the production design of the dances and they'll be paying tribute to an iconic dance from a season. Drew is up first, and he has chosen Joey McIntyre's cha cha from season one. As they rehearse, Drew keeps wanting them to be sexier with more pelvic thrusting and Anna is a little shocked because she doesn't usually dance that way.
Well, I wanted to like this dance a lot more than I actually did. I loved Joey McIntyre and I love this song, so I'm already in the pocket. But it was a little too frantic for me, and there wasn't enough actual cha cha. Instead of flowing from one movement to the , it felt choppy and rushed. As a result, some of Drew's movements were perfunctory like he was karate chopping the air. It wasn't as good as last week's effort.
Judges? Len thought it was sharp and he liked the concept. Bruno calls it "the rock god goes Magic Mike." Carrie Ann loved the creative direction and it was a good, tight, precise cha cha. Hmm. Maybe my expectations were too high. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Those are pretty good for what we've seen so far this season.
Gilles has an issue with repeating someone else's dance, because he feels like it's a slam on the original dancer to claim that it could be improved. I don't know if people care that much about their routines, but I guess Gilles does. Anyway, he has chosen to redo Maks and Erin's tango from their season, except he's going to fly, and in fact before the commercial, we saw him being fitted into a harness.
Gilles starts the dance by flying up in the harness and then landing. I'm not sure what that had to do with anything except that the song is "Sweet Dreams" so maybe he's dreaming? The dance itself is amazing, although I think Peta needs to step it up on her choreography. Gilles can handle it, and there's not enough wow factor in these moves, as well executed as they are. And I think the viewers at home vote for wow factor more than technical brilliance (see Helio's popularity). The other great thing about this routine was the intensity. You could feel the tension and passion.
Judges? Bruno calls it "Fifty Shades of Gilles" but notes that there were a few wobbles where Gilles lost his footing. Carrie Ann loved the dramatic nuances in his performance, but they were a little out-of-sync when in hold. Len thought the hold could have been tighter and the footwork cleaner, but Len loved the performance. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8.5, and Bruno 8.5. That seems fair.
Melissa and Tony go out on Wednesday morning and Melissa says that she wants to push the limits. In rehearsals, they try all kind of crazy tricks and Melissa looks about five seconds away from getting really hurt. But she pushes on, because she wants to get high scores. Their actual dance is a samba to "Conga" by Miami Sound Machine (originally done by JR and Karina). It's really great. Melissa has relaxed so much since her original season and seems to be having a good time out there. The tricks in the opening and closing are quite scary but they pull them off without looking awkward, and their samba rolls are divine. Great job!
Judges? Carrie Ann thought that Melissa looks a little scared during the stunts but it was stellar. Len loved it, and found the technique spot on. Bruno thought every step was more complicated than the and she handled it like a star. Tony is thrilled to get compliments on his choreography for the second week in a row. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Those are the first 9s of the season.
Karina and Apolo are trying to figure out how to top their own past dances and stand out. They're recreating Gilles' foxtrot to "Fever," and Apolo says he's trying to be as sexy as Gilles. Good luck, dude. There are also statues come to life? I guess the conceit is that Apolo is in a museum and one of the statues comes to life, and it's Karina, and they dance. The routine itself is beautiful and flawless. Apolo is so graceful with his arm and leg movements. I'm just not feeling the passion. Maybe it's the comparison to Gilles, but Apolo is anti-sexy for me. I think he should have done a routine that required more romance and less sex; maybe a waltz or a rumba. I mean, it was good. I just didn't think it was sexy.
Judges? Len liked it although he saw a few problems with technique. Bruno thought it was sensual and classy, and advises Apolo to avoid tensing up his hands. Carrie Ann thought the artistic direction was memorable and stunning and she disagrees with Bruno on Apolo's arms and hands. Carrie Ann also notes that Apolo was leading. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 8.5. Carrie Ann is on crack.
Kelly chooses Maks and Laila Ali's paso doble and she's pretty psyched about making Val try to surpass his brother. They meet with the production designer who tells them that some of the other couples are using live animals, and Kelly notes that others might use fluff but she and Val are just going to fill their routine with good dancing. She's totally right, but I could see some of the others getting offended by that. The more I see of Kelly's personality, the more I like her though. She's honest, sometimes brutally so.
Their routine starts with a giant red matador cape being drawn over their heads for the full length of the floor. They are great together, and the dancing is really sharp and intense and passionate. My one quibble is that sometimes Kelly gets a little wobbly on the turns. I try to watch the star and not the pro during the routines, but Val made it difficult. He was fantastic.
Judges? Bruno tells her it was a defining performance and it included beauty, artistry, and talent. Carrie Ann says that they have amazing chemistry and it's magical. Len can't believe what he saw and he loved the focus, the musicality in her arms, and he loves that Kelly has turned up the volume on her dancing this week. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Man, those are some high scores.
Tom is set to reveal one of the blockbuster announcements: Paula Abdul will be a guest judge week. That's not a blockbuster announcement.
Kirstie has decided to be fearless and her choice is Carson's cha cha to "Moves Like Jagger." She adds a bunch of stereotypically British elements because she has zero imagination and then says that Maks will be Mick and she'll be a groupie and she demonstrates by tossing her terrible, gross hair around. Gah, her hair bugs me more each week. Anyway, her strategy is to put Maks in tight pants and I can't really argue with that one, so let's see it.
So the routine starts with Maks driving a Mini Cooper onto the stage and then he does some Jagger moves and Kirstie joins him from the audience and they start the actual dance. That's a lot of faffing about, as Len would say. The cha cha itself is quite tame and somewhat surprisingly, it seems like Maks is holding them back. He doesn't have his usual hip action. Are his pants too tight? Or is he holding back so he doesn't outdance Kirstie? I just found the whole thing kind of slow and boring, especially compared to some of the outstanding routines we've seen thus far.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought the approach really suited Kirstie, and was her best dance of the season. Len thought it was fun, but the dancing was good as well. Bruno couldn't stop laughing at Maks and also thought it was really fun. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. I think they were blinded by Maks's tight pants and wig.
Sabrina has chosen Maks and Mel's paso doble, which was great, and has been imitated many times since. Louis tries to be inventive but Sabrina is worried about it looking like they're relying on gimmicks, and she doesn't want to break any rules (MARK).
Sabrina looks great, but this is not her most flattering look. She's kind of boxy on top and this outfit requires someone with more of an hourglass figure. That aside, the thing I love most about her dancing is that she has sharp movements and she places her arms and legs and finishes the moves without looking choppy. My only issue with this routine was that she was too smiley: she's supposed to be intense and dramatic, and she's got a huge grin on her face and looks way too happy. This paso doble lacked the drama and focus that I've come to expect from this type of dance, but the execution was incredible.
Judges? Len thought it was full of risks but also full of great technique. Bruno thought it looked like Sabrina was leading at times, because she's such a great dancer. Carrie Ann thought the technique was there, but she didn't see anything unique or surprising about the creative concept. Totally agreed. She did nothing new or exciting; it could have been a dance in any other week. Len gives a little speech about how high the quality of the dancing has been overall this week. Scores: Carrie Ann 8.5, Len 8.5, and Bruno 8.5. So Carrie Ann didn't think it was THAT bad.
Emmitt and Cheryl are doing the paso doble that Mario Lopez and Karina did previously. Emmitt wants the room to feel like a desert at dusk. He also plans a move where he runs and slides between Cheryl's legs, which they act like it the most dangerous move ever, but it doesn't seem that bad.
During the routine itself, there is a group of men in stereotypical Mexican gear along with a live donkey (does this feel a little racist to anyone else?), but the dancing is about an A- for me. There are times when Emmitt looks great, but there are times when he has pancake hands. His facial expressions are great; I just don't know why Emmitt wouldn't pick a dance with more groove in it, since that's his strength as a dancer. There's no twinkle here. The group of people in the corner also pulls focus from his dancing, which might be the plan. The final move goes off without a hitch, and Emmitt slides neatly through Cheryl's legs without knocking her over.
Judges? Bruno loved how Emmitt got into the character of the dance and reminds him to watch his shoulders creeping up. Carrie Ann calls him "the human torpedo" and she loved that he upped the game. Len thought Emmitt was really scary, and he's got a dominating presence, although Len wanted a little more finesse at times. Scores: Carrie Ann 8.5, Len 8, and Bruno 8.5.
So far, it seems like "reinventing" a dance just means using the same song and dance style and then doing whatever you want.
Helio decides to "reinvent" Apolo and Julianne's quickstep where Apolo wore the pinstripe suit. Apolo even visits their rehearsals to see how they're doing. As the routine begins, Helio gets a little ahead of the music, and he seems ahead of the beat for the little bit. There's a nice bit of fancy footwork but then, during a turn, Helio steps on Chelsie's dress and slips twice. He doesn't fall, but it looks really awkward. They manage to make it through the rest of the routine, but the whole thing felt a little off. They weren't as smooth and in sync as you'd normally see in a quickstep.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was so good, and she loves how Helio does the quickstep, although she can't ignore the fumble with the dress. Len thinks they deserve to be back week. Bruno noticed that they collapsed after the slip-up. As Helio and Chelsie wait for their scores, Tom announces that the other blockbuster announcement is that for week, the couples will get to choose the style of dance for each other. Hmm. The dancers all look concerned. Scores: Carrie Ann 8.5, Len 8.5, and Bruno 8.5. Overscored.
Bristol and Mark had a dramatic week. Sigh. Who cares? Anyway, when Bristol and Mark come in to rehearsal after escaping elimination last week, you'd think they'd be jubilant, right? They had the lowest scores, and they made it through anyway! Instead, Bristol is all silent and passive-aggressive, and she tells Mark that she knows he'd bummed that he got stuck with her instead of Sabrina or Shawn again. Mark wonders what he did to give her that impression, and she can't answer, because he didn't. I've said a lot of shit about Mark, but he's never been anything but great to his shitty partners. He's always stuck up for Bristol, on the show and in the press. Apparently, Mark missed a rehearsal, and that made Bristol think that he's not invested in this season and their partnership. She could be onto something, but it could also be completely unrelated. Anyway, watching them fight is like watching that couple in your high school who didn't belong together and were terrible for one another and yet couldn't stay apart. It ends with Bristol gets up and walks out silently as Mark asks her to "not be like that." Yuck.
I had to Google what in the fuck Bristol and Mark were inspired by because the show decided not to tell me, and it was Derek and Joanna's futuristic paso doble. Except there's nothing futuristic about their dance; they are dressed as a prince and princess, I guess, and dancing on a giant chess board? I mean, it's a decent paso doble, especially for Bristol, but it's boring. The only thing interesting about seeing her dance now is waiting for her to fuck up. And she really doesn't in this routine, so that's something?
Judges? Len thinks their fight actually helped Bristol get the needed passion for this routine, and he thought it was her best yet. Bruno thought her lines were better than ever, and he loved the concept. Carrie Ann thinks Bristol is proving herself every week, and the only thing she needs to work on are her facial expressions. Tom tells the dancers again that they get to pick dances for one another and some look shocked, some look worried, and some look psyched. Scores: Carrie Ann 7.5, Len 7.5, and Bruno 7.5. I'm glad they didn't go overboard.
The final couple is Shawn and Derek. They are inspired by Helio's quickstep with Julianne. Shawn wants to bring in trampolines. They make the decision to break rules, and hope that the entertainment value of their routine makes up for it.
Well, it was entertaining! The opening is pure quickstep with some super fast footwork. Then Derek flips Shawn over his back, and he does a throw, and then lifts her really high (although, honestly, she might have been able to do that jump on her own) and they end by running up the stairs and then falling into the orchestra pit. I'm surprised the producers let them get away with that last one, although I guess if Gilles got to wear a wire, anything goes. The dance part of that routine was really good and I kind of wish we got to see more of that and less acrobatics, but I definitely wasn't bored. As far as breaking rules, there were the aforementioned lifts, and they also broke hold in the middle of the dance a bunch of times, which you aren't supposed to do in the quickstep. Other couples have been called out on that in the past (Mark and Bristol most recently) so it's only fair that Shawn and Derek lose some points for it too.
Judges? Bruno calls them "the Incredibles" and says it was one of the best if not the best dance he's seen in fifteen seasons. He knows they broke the rules but it was unforgettable. Carrie Ann thought it was the best dance they've ever seen on the show, but she does have to slam them for breaking the rules even though they blew her mind. Len loves how they turn music into movement, and he thought the routine was fantastic. But he took a point from Bristol for breaking hold, so he has to do the same here. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.5. I still don't get why some judges have to dock points for breaking rules and others don't. Have rules or don't have rules about judging, but at least make them consistent.
I have no idea who's going home tomorrow night. I've been predicting Kirstie and Bristol all along and they're still here. Maybe Drew? I hope Helio. Please not Gilles. It would be nice for Bristol to go out on a high note, I guess. Here are your scores:
Melissa and Tony: 27
Kelly and Val: 27
Shawn and Derek: 26.5
Apolo and Karina: 25.5
Sabrina and Louis: 25.5
Helio and Chelsie: 25.5
Gilles and Peta: 25
Drew and Anna: 24
Kirstie and Maks: 24
Bristol and Mark: 22.5