Oh, Results Show. How I love recapping you, what with your extended filler segments that allow me to go off on wild tangents that have nothing whatsoever to do with this show, but do allow me to amuse myself and hopefully at least three of you. And it's on!
Len announces that the encore is obviously Derek and Maria, since they got the first perfect score of the season. I'm going to watch this again and try to enjoy it more. Hey, they changed the ending! Derek "won" this time. I think my issue with that routine was that I tend to watch the star and not the pro while they are dancing, because it's easy to be distracted by the pro. And Derek did most of the dancing in that routine, while Maria just stood there or was flung around. Derek did a great job, obviously. But I was watching Maria. And I still don't think it deserved a perfect score.
Review time! Katherine would have been more comfortable in the orchestra than on the dance floor, but she was really happy with her performance. Donald was thrilled to get a standing ovation. Before his routine, William waved to the little girl who would sing for them. Aw, that's cute. William looks exhausted. He has some serious bags under his eyes.
So out of Donald, William, and Katherine, who is safe? I'm going to guess that all three are safe. And I was right, although they made Katherine and Mark wait for it, and Katherine looked like she was about to vomit.
Inspirational story time! A dancer had a ruptured brain aneurysm. I'm a little sensitive to this because my mom died from a ruptured brain aneurysm seven years ago. Like, she was totally healthy and fine and active and the day, she collapsed and went into a coma and the day she was dead. Sorry for bringing down the room. Thanks, show. Now I'm bummed out. Anyway, this guy didn't die! So that's great. And he's apparently making a miraculous recovery and he's going to dance tonight for the first time in public. He's dancing with his former troupe, and they are pretty awesome. He only comes out at the end and does a short bit of the routine, and he's just sobbing afterwards, as is his wife. The crowd chants his name. Okay, I'm just going to put these soft and mushy feelings behind me and move forward, because Gavin DeGraw and his hats will be back soon, and I need to get my snark on.
Brooke is backstage with the couples waiting to hear about their results. Maria is having foot pain, but she denies any problems and Derek says that after what they saw in the last dance, it put things in perspective. Roshon says something that's nonsense and boring. Melissa says she hopes her fans continued to pull through for her. Jaleel says that he uses comfort eating to work through his pain, and says he ate cheesecake like a divorced mother of three. Melissa says, "Like me?" Ooh, I don't think Jaleel thought that joke through.
Gavin DeGraw is back and he's wearing a hat! And singing a song! Can't they bring Gladys back to sing instead? Louis and Karina are on hand to dance, and they are awesome. I love to see them dance together.
Tom tells me that I've been watching the Ballroom Battle competition online. I have? Was I doing it in my sleep? I think this was supposed to be a spinoff of the show, and then it was really boring and no one cared, so they converted it to an online deal. Anyway, each pro chose an amateur couple to coach and then they had a bracket-style tournament. The final three couples are coached by Cheryl, Louis, and Tony. They will be dancing a jive relay and the judges will decide the winner. I think I liked Louis's team best. The others seemed to just do a basic jive, albeit very well, but Louis's team's routine was a little more creative and interesting to watch. After they dance, the judges have to confer and they take too long and Tom has to rush them. And then Len says that the third-place team is Louis's team. What? I think Len screwed up because Carrie Ann and Bruno are like, "WTF?" And then Len announces that the winners are Cheryl's team. As they walk down to talk to Tom, Carrie Ann and Bruno are giving Len an earful. I think Len screwed that up. I'm sure the judges will never reveal what was supposed to happen. Did Len get confused, or did he just go rogue?
More results and review of last night. Maria and Derek were shocked by their perfect score and top standings. Roshon was a little worried that he'd have to be in the dance duel again, but said he'd give it his all. Jaleel was hoping for higher scores, but accepted what he got. Melissa was disappointed with her scores, but watching the dance again, it was really bad and Melissa had some serious camel toe. I don't know if that contributed to her bad dancing, but it was very noticeable.
So out of these four, which two will be in the dance duel? Not Maria and Derek, that's for sure. But Roshon and Chelsie will be in the dance duel. Melissa and Maks are safe. Whoa! That means Jaleel and Kym are joining the dance duel.
Clip package of the bottom two rehearsing. Jaleel and Kym seemed to do well; Roshon and Chelsie argued and things looked bleak. The duel happens after the break. Since I don't really give a shit which of these two couples go home, I'm not too stressed out about it.
I already talked a lot of shit in last week's weecap about why I hate the dance duel, so I won't repeat it all here. But just know that I still think it's a terrible idea. I guess the idea is that in a case where someone like Sabrina Bryan was in the bottom two, she could have saved herself and stayed. But do we really care? I mean, it's not like this is scientific in the best of times. I still have a hard time watching both couples, but I kind of think Roshon did a better job. At least he seemed to do more dancing, while Jaleel kind of just walked around.
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Judges? Carrie Ann says that side-by-side, they seemed equal. Jaleel came out with confidence but kind of lost his connection as time went on, while Roshon and Chelsie had great chemistry Len talks about how hard it is to choose, and they both gave it their all. So he says nothing. Bruno thinks Roshon was a lot stronger than he has been in the past, and he had a great connection with Chelsie. He thinks Jaleel's arms were much better than in the past. So who do they pick? Carrie Ann picks Roshon and Chelsie, and so does Len, so they're staying. Bruno says he also would have voted for Roshon and Chelsie.
Tom and Brooke have to break up the lovefest so that Jaleel can have his final words. Brooke asks Jaleel what he will miss the most. Jaleel says that he thought he'd only last for three dances, and he's psyched that he made it this far. Then there's a clip package and no one says the word Urkel. I think Jaleel achieved his goal, because I actually saw him as something other than Urkel and he showed that he's grown up. And he's also got a temper and a bad breakup in his past, according to the tabloids. But maybe he can get some work now. He should do a Tyler Perry movie . One of those ones where the title is a question. Call me, Jaleel! I'm available for career counseling!
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