It's Classical Night! Because I am uncultured, I will not enjoy this as much as Motown Night, but I will definitely like it better than Personal Story Night. Anyway, we open with someone who's probably famous for playing the violin, and he's playing the violin! And then the troupe is all dancing while dressed up like extras from Amadeus, but with shorter skirts somehow. I should watch Amadeus again. Whatever happened to Tom Hulce anyway? He did Animal House and Amadeus and then he played the black sheep in the movie Parenthood (a role taken on by Dax Shepard in the TV show) and then what? I looked him up and it seems that he's largely been involved in producing Broadway shows. So good for him.
Anyway, it's Classical Night! After the individual dances, there will be the season's first team dances. And the first couple to dance tonight will be Katherine and Mark. They have the rumba, and they'll be dancing to "Canon in D." Is that Pachelbel's Canon? Like the wedding processional one? Katherine feels unsure about doing a sexy rumba with classical music. Mark points out that you can't spell classical without ass, and I think Mark just made me laugh for the first time EVER.
They are dressed as Ancient Greeks, I guess? Katherine looks like Helen. I think Mark is supposed to be a Gladiator, which seems more Roman, so maybe they're Roman. Like they did historical research. Mark whips his shirt off and about five women cheer. Don't encourage him, people. It is really, really weird to see a rumba to this music. Also, there is no percussion, so it must be hard to keep the beat. They do a fine job, I guess. It's flowing and there is lots of hip action. It's all just weird. And they definitely kissed at the end, for anyone who cares about such things.
Judges? Len admired that they kept rhythm even though there was no percussion, and he thought it was elegant. Bruno thinks some of their actions should have been in a museum, although he likes his rumba a bit raunchier. Carrie Ann doesn't think anyone can match Katherine's technical ability, but she didn't think Katherine's passion or heat was genuine. Well, she has to dance with Mark. He's gross. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9.
Melissa and Maks will be dancing second. After last week's dance, Maks found out that he had a cyst in his ankle and the doctor said that he could continue dancing, but it could go badly. So he pulls Val into rehearsals so that Val can take over if needed. Melissa notes that they have to learn three dances this week: their Argentine tango, the team dance and a rumba for the dance duel if needed. We don't see Val do much in rehearsals except be nice to Melissa and watch, and Maks is dancing tonight.
They are doing the Argentine Tango to the "Marriage of Figaro" overture. Melissa looks terrified. Did they screw up at the beginning or something? She also seems like she doesn't know the steps. This is really fast for a tango. There is some awkwardness in and out of the lifts, but there is also some decent dancing. Maybe the best we've seen from Melissa, although far from perfect. And she does a little bit of acting instead of just making that weird face all of the time. Judges? Bruno says it was really fast, and as a result, it got a little messy. Carrie Ann said it was like Cirque du Soleil went terribly wrong, and they used quantity over quality in terms of lifts. Melissa admits that she thought it went really well, so she doesn't get the judges' comments. Len thought she portrayed the music well, although it lacked a little bit of dance quality. It was really uneven. I wish they could have said more about the parts that were good, because there were a few good parts. But only a few. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7 and Bruno 7. Ouch.
William agreed with Carrie Ann last week when she said that he hadn't done his best dance yet. Cheryl knows that the Viennese waltz will be a challenge because Len will be looking for technical things, and she will add tons of content. William really struggles at first, and he has trouble doing the spins on his bad ankle. There's a little girl singing "Ave Maria" and she sounds about thirty-five and it's creeping me out. Like she doesn't have a little kid voice. Anyway, the dancing. It looks really good! William's frame is much better than in weeks, and his feet are moving well. His arms aren't perfect, but they're not bad. Overall, I was impressed.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought that was much better in terms of content, and she loved how William brought the romance to life. Len says the dance didn't take him to Vienna, but he was in Austria at least, and this was one of William's better dances. Bruno liked the vulnerability and thought that William felt the music. William is sweating like a mofo. Someone get that dude a towel. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9. That's fair. It wasn't a 10 dance, but it was close.
Roshon and Chelsie have been in the dance duel, but they're still here. In rehearsals, Chelsie keeps commenting that Roshon looks too feminine. I appreciate that Roshon doesn't get offended and think that Chelsie is emasculating him. Instead, Val comes in and shows him a few ways to use body language to get his point across, so we'll see if it helps. They have the Argentine tango. Okay, this seems like cheating. They have a classical version of "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga. I don't know what just happened, but during a lift, the camera cut to the show log. Hey, you know what this routine points out? What I've been saying all along, that Roshon's feet are terrible. He does a lot better with the masculine thing, but his feet are not good, and I hope someone points it out.
Judges? Len liked the transitions into the lift, but he wanted more tension in the feet. Thank you, LEN! Bruno also liked the lifts, but he agrees that the legs were a little wobbly. They've been that way every week! Why am I the only one who mentioned this? Carrie Ann thought it was great. Shut it, Carrie Ann. His feet were awful. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8 and Bruno 8. Carrie Ann is on crack.
Donald and Peta take Len's advice and decide that she needs to challenge him more. Donald has the Viennese waltz, and he's competing directly with William and Jaleel, who have the same routine. Peta says she's doing "a professional-grade routine," and Donald wants to nail it. So does he? Well, not quite. His footwork is outstanding for the most part, and his frame is great. But his arms seem like an afterthought and he gets a little ahead of the beat at times.
Judges? Bruno says that he loved the passion. Carrie Ann says that she didn't see a lift, and she loves Donald's intensity and regalness. Len thought it was terrific, and his footwork was spot-on. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9. Donald is happy that he's not going backward.
Derek and Maria will be dancing the paso doble this week. Why are they the only ones with that routine? As they rehearse, Derek tells Maria to "be a female" and she tells him that she is. He says that he hasn't seen it, and wow is he being a dick. It's not even what he said as much as how he said it, like so dismissive and egotistical. I am usually a Derek fan or sometimes neutral, but that really turned me off. Anyway, Derek claims that he wants to let Maria shine and he might not be explaining things well to her. Whatever, Derek.
I did not love that paso doble. It was well done, to be sure. But Maria was a vampire for some reason? And it seemed like it was mostly Maria posing or lying on the floor while Derek did spins and stuff. Maria's a good dancer; let her dance! Derek doesn't need to choreograph around her. And why the vampire? Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was amazing, and she thinks Maria might take the lead from Katherine among the women. Len thought it was sharp, crisp and tense. Bruno wants Maria to bite him right now. Maria is really emotional after getting such praise. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10 and Bruno 10. Everyone goes NUTS. The first perfect score of the season. It's nice to see the contestants supporting one another -- they are really clapping for Maria and Derek.
Jaleel has the last individual performance. I'm so bored by Jaleel's roll-in package that I can't even remember what he talked about. Something about being a leading man and competing with the other men? Let's hope his Viennese waltz is more compelling. Mmm, I'm not loving his frame or his arm positions. The song's tempo is not helping; it's very fast and I don't know how they would do a great waltz to this one. But I'm not feeling it, regardless.
Judges? Len thought it was fine, but just mediocre. Bruno thought it wasn't executed as well as it could've been, and he was throwing his arms around. Carrie Ann doesn't want Jaleel to lose his confidence, because he's still back in the game. She wants him to watch his arms and hands. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8 and Bruno 8. That's fair.
The teams need some time to recover and chance into costume for their team dances, so first we get another performance from the lovely little girl with the creepy voice. And, fast forward. Oh, wait, Tristan and Karina just came out to dance. Even that is not enough to get me to keep watching.
Team Dance! How were the teams chosen? Let's watch a clip package to inform us! I hope that whenever you read a sentence I write that begins with the word "Let's," you understand that I am using deepest sarcasm. Imagine Judd Nelson doing his impression of Anthony Michael Hall's parents in The Breakfast Club: "That's okay, son! You can do it on the boat!" Anyway, William and Katherine are team captains. Katherine chooses Maria and Derek and then Jaleel and Kym, and then Roshon and Chelsie. William chooses Donald and Peta, then Maks and Melissa. Shouldn't they have saved team dances for a week with an even number?
Anyway, Katherine's team has the tango. First, the pros dance together to brainstorm the routine, and then they teach the routine to their partners. Mark and Derek are psyched to switch partners for a few minutes. Um, I bet Katherine and Maria are even more psyched, jerks. Katherine complains that she doesn't even know the tango basics because they haven't done it yet as an individual routine while others have, and Mark says she's being a drama queen. Everyone is cursing and feeling worried about their routine. Oh, will they pull it together? (Again, sarcasm.)
They start out in unison and it looks pretty good. Derek and Maria take the first solo turn and it's...not good. It just looks really awkward. I don't know if Maria doesn't know the routine or what. Jaleel and Kym are also not good; they look like they're fighting each other instead of dancing together. Mark and Katherine are incredible and you know it pains me to admit that. Roshon and Chelsie are also pretty great, although his feet are still a problem. They finish with the patented Ballas/Hough kicking down the floor in unison, although it doesn't quite have the impact it usually does. The ending is good. I've seen better team dances, though.
Judges? Len thought Maria and Roshon were the standout couples. Really? Len thought they were good as a group, but it wasn't good technically. Bruno loved the creativity of the choreography in the beginning and end, and Roshon killed it, as did Katherine. Carrie Ann loved the concept and thought everyone was tight, but Roshon brought it home. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 8 and Bruno 9.
I have much lower expectations of Team Paso (William, Melissa and Donald). I probably shouldn't, but I think Derek and Mark do some great team choreography so they had an advantage. William is the only one who hasn't danced the paso yet, and they joke that they have men and not boys. Then William argues that they shouldn't take their shirts off, because the focus should be on the dancing, but he loses that argument.
Their opening is fine; there are a lot of lights and pyro to distract you, anyway. Melissa and Maks take the first solo and she struggles a bit because A) she's Melissa, and B) the soloist gets a little ahead of the rest of the orchestra which would be enough to screw anyone up. But she doesn't totally botch it, and it looks complicated. William and Cheryl have a rough start to their solo but recover nicely and have great intensity. Donald and Peta are also so-so. It's like this whole routine could be AMAZING but there are little screw-ups here and there. The men come back out shirtless and twirl capes around which, again, starts out rough, looks great in the middle and ends rough. That's pretty much the story of this whole routine. Some greatness with a lot of mediocre around the edges.
Judges? Bruno starts yelling about muscle power and all three men jump up on his desk. He says that they went out of sync but the men are superheroes. Carrie Ann can't stop giggling, and says that she loved the passion and intensity, and it will be a fan favorite. Len thought the men undressed to impress, and it was a great job. Sounds like the judges liked it more than I did. I liked it. I just didn't think it was great, nor was the other team's routine. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8 and Bruno 9. That's horseshit, compared to the comments they got, and the audience is booing as the dancers egg them on.
After adding in the team dance scores, no one moved up or down the leaderboard, but the three-way tie at 27 did get busted up with Katherine and Mark pulling ahead by one point. I think it's Melissa and Maks's week to go tomorrow night. We shall see. Your scores:
Maria and Derek: 30 + 27 = 57
Katherine and Mark: 27 + 27 = 54
William and Cheryl: 27 + 26 = 53
Donald and Peta: 27 + 26 = 53
Roshon and Chelsie: 25 + 27 = 52
Jaleel and Kym: 24 + 27 = 51
Melissa and Maks: 21 + 26 = 47