The Quick and the Dead

S14E02

Sherri has the jive this week and she's struggling with the stamina required. Lord, who wouldn't? She also needs a more supportive bra. Seriously. Why isn't she wearing a sports bra during rehearsals? She needs to contain that business. I have no patience for women with the time and the money who don't get a bra that fits.

Okay. Their jive is to "Proud Mary" and Sherri really tries to inhabit the Tina Attitude, and I approve in theory. But she insists on mouthing the words to the song, which would be fine if it helps her get into character, but when she screws up the moves, she stops mouthing the words, so that makes it obvious. And then there's a spot where she's supposed to slide through Val's legs and she misses the cue and does this move that totally reminds me of Baby doing the hitchhiker thumbs in Dirty Dancing when she misses the lift. Also, Val is kicking and flicking all over the place and Sherri isn't, probably due to stamina issues. So Sherri tried to carry this routine on attitude, and it worked about half the time, but that's not going to work for her every week. I don't think. She can move, though. If she works on her general fitness level and stamina, she could be something.

Judges? Bruno is screaming about Sherri shaking her thing and he doesn't care that she missed a pass. Carrie Ann loves Sherri and thought that was phenomenal, and loved her confidence and how she recovered from mistakes. Len thought it was great because Sherri and the audience all felt good. Len adds that he would've liked a little more jive content. I can always count on Len to hold down the fort. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. The audience doesn't like it, but that's more than fair for a jive that had little jive in it.

Melissa and Maks have the Quickstep this week, after being on the bottom of the leaderboard last week. Maks assures her that their scores would have been fine any other season. Melissa reveals that she dated Billy Idol in the '80s and seriously, is there anyone that she didn't date in the '80s? She and Maks work on their routine and Maks is being his usual blunt self, but then he gives Melissa a compliment and she starts crying. I chuckled at Maks' confusion over why she's crying. The dude just can't win.

Melissa's posture looks pretty good although she forgets to tuck her butt under at times. Luckily, she's wearing a voluminous skirt that hides things a bit. They do well until they go up the stairs to dance on the stage and Melissa seems to slip or something, but she recovers pretty quickly. She gets through the rest of the footwork well. Her feet, arms, and head are all very good. She needs to work on the character aspect of the dance. I can't stop thinking that I'm watching Melissa Gilbert do this routine; she seems too in her head and counting out the steps instead of just listening to the music and dancing. That will come with time, if she's given time. Better than last week, but may not be enough with this competition to keep her off the bottom.

Judges? Carrie Ann notes that Melissa did slip, but she recovered well and kind of loosened up afterwards. Carrie Ann wants her to loosen up her shoulders and hide her nervousness more. Len says it started well but she lost her energy as the dance went on and she lost her posture. Bruno agrees with the other judges, and says that when Melissa relaxes, she does better, but sometimes she gets nervous and too in her head. That's what I said! I am a genius. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7.

Jack and Anna also got good scores but not great scores last week. They work on their jive and Anna is ruthless in the rehearsals, which I love. Though if she were a dude, people would complain like they do about Maks. Anyway, their jive - eesh. It's not good. Jack's arms are flying all over the place like he's a wounded bird. It's a little TOO high energy. And I see him screw up at least twice, maybe more, and he gets a panicked look on his face and starts dancing HARDER, which makes everything over the top. Oh, dear. His kicks, which are supposed to just be little flicks of the ankle, are almost knee height, just to give you an example of how much he is overdancing. He looks like a Ballas out there, but without the dance background.

Judges? Len says that he liked the content, attitude, and energy, but he attacked so hard he lost a little control. Bruno says that Jack gave it all, but he lost the beat a few times. Carrie Ann says that he overdanced it a little bit, and he needs to ease a little more. They all think he's fun to watch and will make it through to week. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Jack thinks he could've done better but blames himself, not the judges.

You guys, Gavin DeGraw is dressed up like a leather biker daddy. I can't.

Gladys and Tristan rehearse their quickstep, and Gladys gets frustrated with herself because she says that she doesn't just want to pass. She wants to excel. She's working really hard. I admire that. She could try to get by on her reputation and her charm, but she doesn't.

Their quickstep is to "Sir Duke" by Stevie Wonder which is one of my all-time favorite songs. This is a way slowed-down version, though. Gladys manages to put a little sass into it, but the quickstep isn't really built for sass. And this is way too slow to be a proper quickstep. That said, it's smooth and she gets all the footwork. This just isn't her dance. The quickstep is a young man or lady's dance, apparently.

Judges? Bruno tells Gladys that she needs to be more careful about keeping her frame in ballroom dances. Carrie Ann thinks Gladys and Tristan have a great connection, but their form was too casual for the quickstep. Len thinks you can't just fake your way through this dance like you can with the jive, and Gladys didn't quite get through this one. The audience is HORRIFIED. Shut it, audience. We all love Gladys. This just wasn't great. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 5, and Bruno 7. Len's score might have been a point too low, but he's got to keep it real (and keep a controversy going). Also, it might motivate people to vote for them.

Katherine knocked everyone's socks off last week, and this week she has the jive. Mark Ballas loves him a jive, so this should be interesting. There's a lot of pelvic shaking and Katherine is kind of not okay with it, but she tries. Bless her heart. She can't even shake her boobs without breaking down into giggles.

They start out by throwing dice on a craps table for no real reason. That was a huge prop to bring out on the floor. Couldn't they have just mimed throwing dice? I guess that would have looked like masturbating. Wait, didn't Mark do that last year to the judges? Anyway, I'm too distracted thinking about the table to really watch their jive, but it's...kind of boring? Mark is overdancing and making fishfaces like always. He pulls so much focus from his partner. Katherine is fine. She's really just another prop to Mark, like the table. And there doesn't seem to be a ton of jive content in there. I will note that I'm glad Mark tried something different than the '50s sock hop thing that most people do for the jive. Mark tries to end by throwing some dice in the air but he drops two of them so it's a bust. High concept for no reason. She's a good dancer. You don't need all this fooferall.

Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was brilliant and she compliments Katherine's extension in her legs and arms. Len was concerned that Katherine might not be able to do this as well as she did graceful, but he thinks she succeeded. He mentions that the middle section was a little wild and wacky. Bruno calls Katherine "the blonde bombshell" and says that everyone should take note of her flicks, because she was perfect. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9. That's fine. There wasn't anything WRONG with their dance, technique-wise. It just could've been even better without the stupid theme.

Jaleel shocked everyone last week by putting Urkel behind him and coming out as a romantic gentleman. In rehearsals, Kym admits that she gets carried away sometimes, but Jaleel notes that when he does well, she just adds another twist to make the move more challenging for him.

Their jive does have the '50s sock hop vibe (or '50s soda fountain). And it has a TON of content. Compare how much they are doing actual jive steps to any of the preceding jive routines. That said, I think Jaleel (I keep wanting to type Urkel) is a bit flat-footed throughout and he just doesn't seem as into the character as he was last week. I don't know if he doesn't like this routine as much or feels less confident about it or what.

Judges? Len thought it lacked attack and speed, and while there were moments he enjoyed, he wanted it sharper and crisper. Bruno liked the concept of the dance, although he agrees that he wants the kicks and flicks sharper. Carrie Ann thought it was great, but lacked sparkle. She even says the word flat-footed. I said that too! I'm always psyched when the judges say the same thing as me, like I know anything about the world of dance. Scores: Carrie Ann: 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8.

Maria and Derek played it safe last week. They laugh really hard in rehearsals, but then Maria strains her rib (I saw some reports that she broke some ribs). That could be a problem. Their quickstep has a Bonnie and Clyde theme. This is so not a quickstep song. It's more of a jive song, or a Lindy song. Derek does put a lot of quickstep moves in there, and Maria does a decent job keeping up with him, although she does get a bit behind the beat and miss a few steps here and there. Way better than last week, and good but not great. I couldn't see evidence of her injury, because her frame was great.

Judges? Bruno loved her frame, although he did notice that she missed a step. Carrie Ann compliments their frame and hold, because they were solid but not stiff, but notes their gaffe as well. She thinks it was a huge improvement over last week. Len doesn't think they need to make such a big deal over the mistake, because they had balance, speed, and control. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 9. That's great for them.

Martina and Tony were tied for the bottom last week, but everyone was shocked by her glam look. When they rehearse, Tony tells Martina that she could be a lot better if she lost the insecurity. She retorts that she can't help but be insecure when she does the move a hundred times and screws it up every time. And then while they are doing a between-the-legs pass, she hits her toe and it causes her a lot of pain. Given her athletic career, I'm guessing Martina doesn't get so down over a stubbed toe, so this must really hurt.

Did I mention that they have the jive? Martina starts behind the judges and kisses Len before going out on the dance floor. Tony has her start out with side-by-side moves out of hold, which was a terrible idea. Didn't he do the same thing with Kate Gosselin and it was similarly terrible? She just can't get into sync with him. I don't know why Tony would choreograph it that way. She's insecure anyway, so do more in hold so that you can make sure she's on the right track before sending her out on her own. Martina is really game and never loses her smile, but the routine is pretty awful.

Judges? Carrie Ann loved the approach and the attitude, but can't help but note that she was off. Len says that she was too careful, and Bruno tells her that her "serve went into the net." He knows that she got off on the wrong foot and just couldn't get caught up. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6. People boo, but come on. That was terrible. And I don't know if she has the fanbase to carry her through, but we shall see.

Donald did pretty well with his Latin dance last week, but now he has the quickstep. He gets frustrated in rehearsals because he's used to getting things very quickly, and this is all new to him. Peta says that she's giving him a hard routine because she knows he can do it. I don't know if I have her confidence - his quickstep form doesn't look great. Let's hope he improves by the time rehearsals ended.

Wow, did his form improve from rehearsals. That was amazing. I am shocked at how good it was. I mean, it wasn't perfect or anything, but I had really low expectations. His posture was really good, and he was incredibly light on his feet. My only quibble was with his facial expression - it was incredibly over-the-top. But at least he was trying, so there's that.

Judges? Len says that performance was one of the best of the night, AND he adds that, upon review, he underscored Donald last week. Bruno loved the lines and he thinks Donald took their critiques to heart. Carrie Ann thought it was smooth and elegant, and his years of watching the show have paid off. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. I thought there might be a 9 in there, but it was fine.

Gavin found a new way to wear a hat, at least. He's dressed like Brando in The Wild Ones, I guess? But it mostly just looks like he just wandered out of a stereotypical gay leather bar. What is going on under that hat? Just take it off, dude. It couldn't be that bad. Anyway, how's his jive? Look, he tries. He lifts his feet off the floor, so he's doing better than some of the worst dancers on the show. But he's pigeon-toed and his feet are just all over the place. And his posture is awful. Posture isn't AS important in the jive but he's doing this weird shoulder shimmy and I don't know what is happening right now. It's very "drunk brother-in-law at the wedding."

Judges? Bruno calls him out for being a leather daddy, and says that parts were good but he messed up a lot of his kicks and flicks. Carrie Ann thinks he's pushing his boundaries, even if he had bad posture and weird kicks. Len liked the feel, attitude, and energy, and thought it was an improvement over last week. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Really? Seriously? I thought it deserved the second-lowest score of the night. It was only better than Martina's dance.

The final couple this week is William and Cheryl. Ladies in the ballroom be screaming for William. Cheryl makes William wear the posture bar while working on his quickstep so that he can learn to keep his shoulders back. And he knows that this routine will be challenging for him since there's no Latin flavor.

Cheryl was right to make him wear the bar. His posture is still not great. His shoulders are back, but his head is all over the place and he's sticking his butt out. His footwork is really good though, and he keeps a smile on his face, so that those things are in his favor at least. And good footwork goes a long way in the quickstep.

Judges? Carrie says that the quickstep isn't just about being sexy, it's about technique, and she thinks he nailed it. Len liked the mix of steps and movement, but he needed cleaner footwork and more body contact. Bruno thinks he had a great sparkle to his movements. The judges have to shout to be heard because the audience is screaming so loudly. What is it about this dude? I feel like I should start watching his stuff. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 7, and Bruno 9. I agree with Len, although I might have allowed an 8. It wasn't THAT great.

I think it'll probably be Martina going home tomorrow night, and that's probably right, although Gavin was overscored. I would vote for Gavin if he would take off his hat. I'm dying of curiosity.

Scores are this week plus last week equals total:

Katherine and Mark: 26 + 26 = 52

Roshon and Chelsie: 26 + 23 = 49

William and Cheryl: 25 + 24 = 49

Jaleel and Kym: 22 + 26 = 48

Maria and Derek: 25 + 21 = 46

Sherri and Val: 23 + 23 = 46

Donald and Peta: 24 + 21 = 45

Jack and Anna: 21 + 23 = 44

Gladys and Tristan: 19 + 23 = 42

Gavin and Karina: 21 + 20 = 41

Melissa and Maks: 20 + 20 = 40

Martina and Tony: 17 + 20 = 37