Last night, everyone cried and sobbed and called their loved ones and apologized for everything and made coffee. At least that's what I assume happened based on what I've seen on television commercials about how we, as Americans, express emotions. Maybe someone made oatmeal. I don't know.
We're not even going to waste time on bullshit. Miss Mary J. Blige is on hand to sing "Real Love" while Val and his professional partner dance. Have you guys heard Mary's cover of U2's "One," performed with U2? It's amazing. You really should go download it right now. Go ahead! I'll wait and listen to it with headphones on. Anyway, as a result, Mary J. can do no wrong in my book. I'm trying to figure out what dance Val and his partner are doing. I think it's the samba, based on the samba rolls, but it's super fast.
And now we're getting right to some results. They keep emphasizing that Chaz is at the bottom of the leaderboard. Or the top of the loserboard, depending on how you want to look at it. I feel like that means he's staying, and it will be SHOCKING. Anyway, the judges felt like Chaz was distracted during the routine, and I agree. I don't know if it was because he didn't know the steps as well or due to the injuries or what, but he was in and out of focus. Ricki and Derek got the highest scores of the night. They show a little clip of them talking just before their dance began, and Derek says, "I have you. I have you. Always." That's what I like about Derek over Mark. I feel like Derek is probably tough in rehearsals, and he challenges his partners, but he makes them feel really safe on the dance floor. Like he goes out of his way to make them look good and they know he will help as needed and they won't be left floundering. I don't feel like Mark does that.
Anyway, you forget that the couples have to see and watch the roll-in package right before they dance, and they're seeing it for the first time. Karina was really affected by what JR said and did. I mean, she was sobbing before they even started dancing, and really broke down at the end. And since she tried to pull it together before they appeared before the judges, I don't feel like she was being dramatic. I think she was honestly touched. Another nice moment is that, when they weren't live, the other couples all came up and hugged JR and congratulated him. And JR hugged Chaz and told him that he's an inspiration too. Like, seriously, could JR be any more perfect? I want to find out that he has personality flaws so I know he's human. Like maybe he doesn't wipe the crumbs off the counter when he does the dishes. Or he leaves his dirty underwear on the floor. Something!
Time to find out the results for these three couples. All three are safe. Lacey is shocked, and the other couples run over and hug Chaz. But seriously, they wouldn't shut up about how Chaz's scores were so low, so I figured he was safe. If he were going home, they wouldn't have mentioned it.
Now that they have revealed some results, they're going to do the encore dance, which seems backwards. But Chynna and Tony are doing the encore. I don't know why they didn't have JR do it last week and I really don't know why they didn't have him do it this week, but maybe they thought it was too heavy. I still think they missed an opportunity to have the Wilson sisters sing this song with the band. I don't like dances where Tony has to pretend to be happy and in love. He just looks like he would have bad breath. If any of you watched General Hospital in the mid-'80s, he reminds me of Duke, who also looked like he would have bad breath.
This is weird. Before Nancy Grace danced last night, Tom snuck up and whispered, "Kick ass." Does he do that for everyone or does he have a special friendship with her? Strange. Maks was trying to get Hope to admit that she felt sexy, and she finally admits that she did. Carson and Anna must be so much fun backstage. Even if he gets eliminated, I bet everyone would like him to keep coming and hang out in the green room and make chitchat and gossip about the makeup people or whatever. Rob's family was really proud of him. You wouldn't know by their facial expressions because their faces don't move, but they said it with their words. Anyway, Nancy and Rob are all safe, but Carson and Anna and Hope and Maks are all in jeopardy.
Filler about the Six Degrees of DWTS. They highlight the mostly tenuous connections between the contestants. None of them are that interesting. Ricki bought a house from David Arquette. David's ex, Courteney Cox, did a movie with Chynna. Chynna and Chaz had playdates together as children. Those are the only connections that are somewhat legit. Well, Kristin used to date Brody Jenner, who is Rob's stepbrother. You get the idea. The rest are even more of a stretch.
week's theme is Movie Night, so the pro troupe is dancing to the theme from Gone With the Wind. It's pretty boring. I'd rather watch the movie, long as it is. I remember when I rented the VHS from the video store (ha ha remember when you rented VHS tapes, I am old) and it came on two cassettes. I spent like an entire day in my parents' basement, watching that movie. Oh, in other news, Julianne Hough is coming back to dance week, and not coincidentally, to promote her new movie, Footloose.
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Brooke interviews Chaz, Kristin, Chynna, and David. What an odd hodgepodge of people who know their results and people who don't. Anyway, we learn that Cher is coming to sit in the audience week.
Estelle (who I admit I don't know, but she's won a Grammy) is on hand to sing "The Twist." And she brings out Chubby Checker, who I think has on pajama jeans. Those are some TIGHT jeans for an old dude. And he has a 'fro mullet that has got to be a wig. Right? That's a wig? Then they bring Len out on the dance floor and he does a really terrible version of the twist. Like he's all stiff and doesn't look like he's got any rhythm. That was the long-promised stunt where Len danced? THAT WAS IT? What a rip-off. He danced for like ten seconds, and it was terrible. I call bullshit.
Mary J. Blige performs again, and it's fine, but I have nothing to add. Then it's time for more results. Chynna was pleased to put her own lyrics into movement on the dance floor, and she was really pleased with her scores. During his roll-in package, David caught his daughter's eye while he waited to start dancing and smiled at her, and then afterwards, she said she was crying. He also hugs Courteney, who says he was amazing. You guys, I know David is dating someone new, but I keep rooting for those two to get back together. It could happen, right? Kristin was nervous because her ex-fiancé, Jay Cutler, was in the audience. When they cut to her waiting for her results, she looks a little pissed that her offhand comment made the clip package. Or maybe she's just nervous about the results. Hard to say. Chynna and David are safe, but Kristin is in jeopardy. So I guess she may have been right to be nervous.
So Kristin and Mark, Hope and Maks, and Carson and Anna are the three couples that are in jeopardy. I don't think they are the bottom three, though. And guess what? Carson and Anna are safe. I really hope that Hope and Maks go home. I've enjoyed watching Kristin, and I think she's the better dancer, even though I hate Mark. Brooke adds that these are not necessarily the bottom two. I wonder if the couple that ends up safe is annoyed at being put on the spot even though they weren't in the bottom two. I would be.
Brooke asks Len for his opinion, and Len says that he thought that these two couples would be fighting for the finals. Really, Len? You thought Hope would make it to the finals? She's not that good. Kristin isn't there yet, but could be. So who's going home? Kristin and Mark. Holy shit. I really didn't expect that, and neither did Kristin. Good thing Jay Cutler came to see her this week, or he would have missed out. The ballroom is shocked as well. Kristin admits that she's surprised, and Tom adds that he thought people might have assumed they were safe and thus didn't vote. The other couples actually look sad. It really should have been Chaz. I mean, honestly. Well, it happens at least once per season. Hope looks pissed off. I think maybe she wanted to go home. Ricki is sobbing. Come on, Ricki. Buck up.
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