Last week, the new round of contestants all performed for the first time. Some (Kirstie Alley, Ralph Macchio) did great! Some (Wendy Williams, Mike Catherwood) did not do well! Tonight, they get to dance one more time before the first elimination tomorrow night. Watching the opening credits, I'm realizing that I forgot some of these people were even on the show in the past week. Like Chelsea Kane? And Hines Ward? And they did well, from what I remember.
Tom and Brooke introduce the couples as they walk down the staircase. This is such a time killer, especially in the early days when there are a million couples. Once everyone is down the stairs and lined up and mugging for the camera, Tom and Brooke do an introduction that's mostly nonsense, while I keep staring at the fact that Kendra doesn't know how to clap. Like my fourteen-month-old claps better than she does. What that's about?
Sugar Ray and Anna are up first. Last week, Bruno told Ray that his feet moved well but his posture made him look like a turtle, which was a bit harsh, but also true. So in rehearsals, Anna tells him that they have the jive, and he won't have to worry about his posture quite as much. Anna tries to school him on the kicks and flicks, and he has a little trouble keeping up. I mean, he's no spring chicken. The jive is always a problem for the oldsters, unless they slow the music down so much that it doesn't even look like a jive. Let's see how he does.
So their jive is... okay? I'm trying to pinpoint why it was good and not great. The footwork was fine. Sugar Ray has an athlete's pigeon toe problem, but it's not horribly noticeable. And he didn't miss a lot of steps, although he did miss a few. His facial expressions were good. I think it just lacked intensity. Like it was pleasant and fine but I lost interest about halfway through, and it felt like maybe he did too. It wasn't bad; he'll likely stick around a few more weeks. But it didn't grab me. Judges? Len tells Ray that he's in jeopardy because it didn't have refinement or dance quality, though it was entertaining. Bruno thought it was pleasant, but needs more punch in the feet. Carrie Ann said his face was very entertaining and engaging, but his lower half wasn't as sharp as it should be. She advises him to use his feet like he uses his hands while boxing, which is actually good advice. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6 for a total of 17, which matches their score from last week.
Kendra and Louis got decent marks last week for her ambitious choreography. This week, they have the quickstep, and Louis wants to work on getting rid of her tomboyish ways. Good idea. That's what put me off last week. He tries to make her be elegant and ladylike, and then they show poor Kendra swearing and smelling her armpits. Oh. That's too bad. Kendra gets stressed out trying to be more ladylike and breaks down crying, saying that she feels like a boy even though her image is sexy Playboy model, and she tells the camera that this is about more than dancing for her. Well, if they were trying to make her more sympathetic, that kind of worked. Although I really wish Kendra would get some counseling for her issues instead of working them out on various reality shows.
First of all, their music is awful. It is so not quickstep music and it really handicaps their dance. Second, Kendra looks TERRIFIED. She's frozen stiff from the waist up, while it doesn't seem like her feet miss too many steps. She also has a smile frozen to her face. And there's no connection to the music at all. She's just running through memorized steps, not dancing. That said, she doesn't really miss a step, and there are a few points where she lets go a little and performs. She just needs to get out of her head, feel the music, and let go. She can obviously learn choreography well. Now she needs to perform it and dance. I think she has potential. This wasn't good, though. Judges? Bruno says that she was very tight and tried too hard. Carrie Ann tells her what I said, that she learns choreography well, and now she needs to dance more. Len thinks her posture was hit or miss, and she coped well with the speed of the dance. He makes reference to her "chesticles" (his word), which I find a little bit... disrespectful? I mean, I know that's what she's known for, but would he say that to Chelsea? Or Petra? It's just weird. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 6 for a total of 19.
up are Chelsea Kane and Mark (who is dressed like a bizarre Clockwork Orange mime crossed with the joker on a deck of cards). Last week, they got decent but not great scores for their foxtrot. Chelsea knows that she needs to stand out from the pack with her jive. Mark says that he's pushing the boundaries with his choreography. He must be so glad to have a partner that can actually learn moves (unlike Bristol last season). And I think he has a little crush on Chelsea.
My husband and I just spent the entire routine trying to figure out what their outfits were supposed to be. "Alice in Wonderland?" "But... then what's she supposed to be?" "...Alice?" "Alice doesn't wear candy-striped stockings. And why does her eye makeup look like a doll?" "I don't know but he's wearing a hat like the Mad Hatter." I think we just put more thought into their costumes than they did. Suffice it to say, they are dressed weirdly and in an inscrutable theme, at least to my husband and me. Their jive is... weird. It's very modern, but I don't see a ton of jive elements. And it's very disjointed. It's typical Mark -- designed to show off his own moves and make people think he's cool and hip, but I still am not sure if Chelsea can actually dance. It was something. Carrie Ann loves that type of choreography when it's appropriate, but she didn't think tonight was it, because she couldn't see any jive. Len thought it was probably fun and entertaining for the people at home, but there wasn't enough jive content. Bruno loved how weird, wonderful, and creative it was, but what jive was there needed to be sharper. I love that they are taking Mark to task for the choreography and his stupid decision to be hip (sort of) instead of do the actual routine. I hate Mark. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 7 for a total of 18.
Chris Jericho and Cheryl had a lot of energy last week (and a lot of pyrotechnics), even if the dancing wasn't always great. This week, they have the quickstep. Jericho admits that he's terrified of Cheryl and he doesn't want her to yell at him. Cheryl works hard to get Jericho to keep his head up and work on his posture and his frame, so that's what he concentrates on. Did it take?
It kind of did! His frame is great this week, and his footwork (so important in the quickstep) is pretty much spot on. I am impressed with his improvement over last week. I think he will have trouble when they get to the routines that require hip action, but for these more stiff, footwork intense dances, he looks almost graceful. Good job, Jericho! Judges? Len says he expected lumbering, but it was bright and breezy. Bruno likes that Chris responded to strict discipline, and he was transformed into a gazelle. Carrie Ann loved that he was light on his feet. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8 for a total of 23.
Petra and Dmitry did a beautiful foxtrot last week, but the judges were concerned about her ability to do a jive, since she's so tall. Petra wonders if she's supposed to get shorter somehow. She had no trouble with the steps, but she was scared of falling while doing the tricks, given her injuries. Dmitry worked with her on a trampoline so that she could get used to the sensation of falling without being afraid, and hopefully it worked.
So their jive is... weird? It starts out very "Uptown Girl" (though the song is "Crazy Little Thing Called Love") with Petra in a fancy outfit and Dmitry in a leather jacket. They take a REALLY long time to get to the dancing, and then he rips off her long skirt to reveal a fringed miniskirt. In some parts, she does okay. But other parts... she looks
really hesitant and wobbly. Her legs look like they're going to snap. She just doesn't seem to have the core strength and it makes me nervous to watch her, and I'm not seeing a lot of musicality. It's uncomfortable throughout. I think she'll always be fine in a slower dance (waltz, etc.) but always have trouble with the faster ones. Judges? Bruno thought she was beautiful, but she needs to work on her core strength (wow, am I predicting the judges or what?). Carrie Ann liked her kicks and flicks, but she needs to work on her core. Len thought she had bad technique but it was done beautifully. Petra has to kiss Tom and each of the judges. Well, I hope she's not planning on doing that every week, although I'm sure the producers weren't sad to get a shot of her bending over the judges' table. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6 for a total of 18.
Kirstie and Maks don't get the pimp spot this week (a.k.a. the final spot of the night, which is right before most people decide to call in and vote). Kirstie was really happy with their scores last week, but now she has to learn the quickstep, and she's worried that she won't be quick enough. And then she talks about weight loss but honestly, I'm kind of over hearing Kirstie Alley talk about weight loss. Lose it or don't, but I don't want to hear about it.
Here's the problem with this routine: It's not the choreography. It's not the execution. Both are very good. Kirstie's footwork is nearly flawless and she's graceful. I just think their strength as a couple is their chemistry and sense of humor and neither are in evidence here. Either be funny or be sexy. Instead, it's a really chaste, boring, well-executed quickstep. Technically good, but should have been so much better. Judges? Carrie Ann loves how in tune Kirstie is with her body and with Maks. Len thought it was light and fluffy and they lost energy near the end. Bruno tells her she's talented and she shouldn't worry about her weight. He noted that she lost energy when she messed up a bit, and she needs to just keep going. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7 for a total of 20. Kirstie says backstage that Maks has been telling her all week that she was losing energy at the end, so that was no surprise to hear.
Mike (who?) and Lacey came in last place last week. And since he has little pre-existing fanbase compared to the others, he has a lot of work to do. So Mike knows his jive has to really wow the audience. In rehearsals, Mike admits that he does goofy stuff in rehearsals because he doesn't know what to do. It's really bothering me that Lacey doesn't seem to be correcting his horrible pigeon-toed stance. I'm surprised that the producers, once again, went for the goofy package instead of trying to make us feel for Mike. He has to have a sob story in him somewhere.
Their jive starts with Mike on stage holding a guitar. I know Len will hate that. It's a very... athletic jive. When they are not in hold (which is most of the dance), Mike doesn't look bad. His kicks and flicks are sharp (if pigeon-toed) and Lacey put a lot of business in to hide that he can't dance in hold at all and has no rhythm. It's better than last week, and it's not boring. Mostly because I was pretty sure he was going to kick her in the face on live television, but that's something. Aw, and Dr. Drew is in the hizzy. Len agrees that it was better than last week, if a bit rough, and it made him smile. Bruno thought there were a few moments that were very good, and he needs to maintain it. Carrie Ann wants him to think about the whole routine instead of the various sections. I really don't get Lacey's hair. Is it extensions? Why would you put in such terrible looking extensions? Why doesn't she go back to brunette? Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6 for a total of 17.
Romeo and Chelsie had some good moves last week, but the judges felt he needed to work on his technique. What he needs to work on is getting over himself and not trying to be "the man" all the time. The problem is that this week, he has the quickstep, which is not the coolest looking dance. Chelsie works on teaching him to be a gentleman on the dance floor instead of being a flirt all the time.
They dance to "You're The One That I Want" from Grease and... it's cute. Romeo has good posture and there are times when it looks more than good, actually. But they don't have any chemistry together, at least in this dance. I just want Romeo to be more charming. He looks a bit like a younger (and much shorter) Will Smith, and that's the kind of charisma he needs. He has to project it more. I don't know if he's nervous or unsure or what, but he's good and he could be REALLY good. Maybe he will do better with Latin. Judges? Bruno thought he had easy moves and great musicality, and he could be brilliant. Carrie Ann thinks Romeo has a certain style, but she wants him to work on his posture and his dynamics. Len says that it was the best dance of the night. Really? Maybe it played better in the room, or maybe my cold is affecting my judgment. I really think I would have liked that dance better if I could breathe through my nose. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 8, and Bruno 8 for a total of 23.
Weirdly, Wendy Williams was found to be lacking in personality during her routine last week, which is probably something she's never been accused of off the dance floor. She vows to bring more to the table this week. As they rehearse the quickstep, Wendy doesn't like all the bouncing around because it's making her boobs bounce too much. Wendy! Strap that shit DOWN! Get a good sports bra, or a corset, or something! If that's what's making her movements so small, she needs to handle her situation. Girl, please. Anyway, Tony promises a more powerful Wendy.
I'm trying to find a word to describe this routine. Schizophrenic? It begins and ends with a little skit, and during those segments, Wendy shows a lot of personality. But as soon as they start dancing, she pastes this giant smile on her face and her expression doesn't change. And her feet are SO SLOW. I think this is why she seemed so timid last week -- she's just not a good dancer and she doesn't know how to cover it up by acting her way out of it. She's not an actor either, is the problem. Poor Tony. I mean, he's steering her around like a battleship. It's better than last week, because it feels like she's putting in an effort, but she's just not good and doesn't show much potential. Judges? Carrie Ann thanks Wendy for showing some personality, but says that she lost some steam in the middle. Len thought it was an improvement. Bruno liked to see her having a good time, and just wants to see more movement. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6 for a total of 17.
Ralph and Karina wowed everyone last week with their unexpectedly good cha cha. This week, they have the jive. Karina tries to get Ralph to let loose and have fun instead of think everything through. Ralph brings in his teenage kids. Aw, the boy is named Daniel. That can't be a coincidence, right? His one daughter tells him not to overthink it. She's a smartie, Ralph. Listen to the girl.
Okay, here's what I love about Ralph's dancing -- it has intensity. Sometimes maybe a little too much intensity, but he goes out there and gives it his all. He does almost seem like he's grinding his teeth with the intensity at one point. Now he needs to take that intensity and combine it with a sense of fun, because I think he screws up at one point and then the fun leaves and the grinding intensity takes over. That said, it was really good. I actually hope they get the encore dance tomorrow (they won't) because I would love to see him do this routine with no stakes. I bet it would be awesome. Len says that it was okay, but he needs to dial the attack back a little bit. Bruno says that Ralph is likable and he gets into character, but he needs to watch his precision. Carrie Ann wants Ralph to step up his game by being sharper and less muddy. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 21.
The final dancer this week is Hines Ward. Wow, I forgot there was another dancer. I was ready to start wrapping it up. And I liked Hines last week when he did the cha cha. This week, they have the quickstep, and Hines struggles with the fame because his shoulders are weak from repeated football injuries. But he perseveres, and even teaches Australian Kym some slang like "shorty" and "crunk." It's like a romantic comedy.
Damn, y'all! Hines has got some moves! His quickstep is incredibly smooth and graceful. I can't find much wrong with it, to be honest. Technically, it looks really good. My only complaint would be that, in parts, he's not connected to Kym. In certain segments, he is and it's great. He needs to carry that through the whole routine. Judges? Bruno is thrilled, and says Hines had ease and confidence, and their chemistry is good. Carrie Ann thinks Emmitt Smith will have to retire his title of Twinkle Toes. Len thought the frame was terrific, and he maintained it and had good movement. Meanwhile, the whole time Len is talking, Carrie Ann and Bruno are high fiving and giggling behind his back. They are drunk. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8 for a total of 23. Where did Len's 7 come from? I wish he had longer to talk because I don't get why he took that point off.
Interesting -- everyone did better this week, score-wise, except for Ralph,
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Kirstie, and Chelsie. There weren't any huge moves up or down the leaderboard either. I bet Mike is going home tomorrow night -- low scores combined with small fanbase is going to mean a quick exit. Sorry, guys. But it was nice to see it's not going to be a Ralph/Kirstie runaway, as others showed some potential this week and everyone gets to start fresh week.
Scores: Last week + This week = Total
Ralph and Karina: 24 + 21 = 45
Hines and Kym: 21 + 23 = 44
Kirstie and Maks: 23 + 20 = 43
Romeo and Chelsie: 19 + 23 = 42
Chris Jericho and Cheryl: 19 + 23 = 42
Chelsea and Mark: 21 + 18 = 39
Kendra and Louis: 18 + 19 = 37
Petra and Dmitry: 18 + 18 = 36
Sugar Ray and Anna: 17 + 17 = 34
Wendy and Tony: 14 + 17 = 31
Mike and Lacey: 13 + 17 = 30
Watch the episode below, and get our winning odds on all the dancers!
Find out about Chris Jericho's pre-DWTS jitters.
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