By Kim
Whew! Week one is done and in the record books. And what did we all learn? We learned that it's a damn shame that you can't vote someone OFF this show instead of voting to keep someone on. We learned that bitchface never goes out of style. We learned that while people will tune in to see Pam shake her boobies, they won't vote to keep them around for another week. And we learned that America loves the space program, even if we don't really want to pay for it anymore. So let's move on to week two and learn some all new lessons this week, shall we? LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
I think the opening stair walk segment is boring as hell and a waste of time, but it does have the advantage of giving us a sneak preview of the weird outfits people are wearing. You don't get to look very long. Just enough time to go, "What the...what?" and then you have to wait until the couple comes out to perform to get the full deal. Like for example Chelsie is wearing some sort of black Cleopatra style wig and I think her blonde hair is sticking out underneath it or maybe that's intentional but we won't know! Until she comes out to dance for real! Also do you ever notice that they put Kate and Pamela last? It's because those are the two that everyone is tuning in to see. I have friends who used to make fun of me for watching this show and this season, they are watching for those two.
Remember last week when Len told the couples to tell a story through their dance? So now they have to do that. Aren't they kind of always supposed to be telling a story through their dance? In a clip package, each couple gives a little preview of their story, but let's save it for the actual dance, okay?
To show us what the judges will be looking for, some of the pros who aren't on this season (I recognize Jonathan, Dmitri, and Lacey right off the top) came out and perform the waltz, the paso doble, and the quickstep. I appreciate the effort and all, but this doesn't really tell me what the judges are looking for. It would be more useful if the judges (well, really just Len) did a voiceover explaining what we were looking at. Like in the waltz, it should be smooth and in the paso, they should be assertive or whatever. Anyway, it's nice to see those guys getting some work.
Evan is the first to dance tonight. In his clip package, he wants Anna to talk in a Russian accent. Is he making fun of Johnny Weir? Anyway, they have the quickstep this week. And Evan almost has a sense of humor! It's very deadpan, but it's there. Their story is that they're married and his wife is late. Wow. What a thriller. Can I buy the movie rights? They start out with some business where Evan is pacing around and Len is going to hate that. But the dance itself is really, really good. Evan is tall and lanky, which is perfect for the quickstep. Very Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. And he's graceful! And he keeps up with the fast footwork; so often in this dance, it seems like the pro is just dragging the star along, but Evan is leading. I don't really get the story other than that business at the beginning, but Evan performed it as well as danced it, so we'll see what the judges think.