Last night, the couples were told to tell a story with their dances. Most of them took that to mean they should wear elaborate costumes and use props. I preferred the ones that told an emotional story, but then again, I think that every routine should tell an emotional story. And no, Kate, that doesn't mean "Stomp your feet like a horse and knit your brow." Someone will go home tonight, and Tom doesn't promise us a shocking elimination, at least not yet. So maybe it is Kate or Buzz? Those would be least shocking based on the judges' scores. We'll find out LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Brooke and Tom welcome us and Brooke says that tonight might be unpredictable. MIGHT be. But we get to find out a safe couple first, and that is... Aiden and Edyta. She looks shocked. I think they revealed them first because no one cares. Also coming back week are Erin and Maks. Of course. Everyone wants to see them do it on the dance floor for real. Do you think anyone has told Kate about her bitchface? Like my default face apparently looks sort of annoyed, because the corners of my mouth turn down. Someone once told me I look like Rosie O'Donnell, which sounds like an insult, but this was back when she was doing her daytime show, so maybe it's not as bad as it sounds? But I do have Rosie's mouth, and it makes me look annoyed when I'm really just neutral. Anyway, I'm babbling about this to say that people have a default expression that is meant to convey neutral emotion, and Kate's is bitchface. Or as we used to call one girl from my high school, "Whuh the fuh?" Because her neutral face looked like she smelled something bad and was asking what the fuck was up with that. Anyway. Someone should tell her. If she had any friends and hadn't alienated her entire family, maybe they would.
During the review of last night's routines, there isn't a lot of interesting information given. Kate was proud of herself, although she doesn't explain why. Because she didn't fall down? Ugh, when they show a little clip of her dance, it's just horrible and clunky. Len admits that he overscored Erin and Maks because looking back he didn't think there was enough waltz content, and wishes that he had given them a 6 instead of a 7. He got caught up in the chemistry, I guess.
Evan and Anna get the nod for the encore performance. I'm glad to see them get some recognition because I feel like they kind of got swept under the rug since they went first. Their performance tonight is as good or better than last night, and it was an actual quickstep, DEREK.
Reba McIntyre is here to perform. I love Reba. I don't know what it is about her. I used to watch her show at like 5 and 5:30 while I was getting dinner ready and it was like comfort food. And it was my grandfather's favorite show too. And remember how she had that video with Huey Lewis in it? In a courtroom? Why do I know that? Anyway, Maks and Edyta dance along with I think Val, Maks's brother and... some blonde chick? Also, Reba does not age. I'm sure she's had work done, but it's really well done. She doesn't have the weird Joker look that a lot of people get. When the song ends, Tom asks Reba who her favorites are this season, and she claims Erin, Evan, and Nicole. Wow. She didn't even hesitate. She obviously actually watches the show. So glad she didn't say Kate.
It's time for another round of results. The safe couple is... Niecy and Louis! Yay! I was a little worried that his stance on gay marriage would cost him votes. Votes from assholes, to be sure, but votes nonetheless.
Derek and Chelsie are doing an paso doble acoustic style. Chelsie starts out dancing alone while Derek plays the guitar. Then he joins her on the floor and they start doing a complicated routine to just a clicking noise. Mark Ballas is one of the guitar players. Whoa. There's one clinch up by the judges' stand and it shows that there is some chemistry between these two. Or at least they know how to fake it really well. I do so enjoy watching the pros dance together. Hey, Kate. That is how you project anger and intensity in a paso doble. Even if you can't dance well, you can show emotion. It's awesome. The audience gives them a well-deserved standing ovation.
Brooke is backstage with the safe celebrities. Brooke reminds Aiden that he puked last week. Thanks for bringing that up. Erin says that she felt like she was going to throw up while waiting for the results. Niecy says that she has the rumba week, which is slow, and she was hoping for a faster number so she could shake what her mama gave her.
Tom reminds us that week there will be a double score showdown. Len explains that each dance will get two scores week: a performance score and a technique score, and they will also have required moves to incorporate into the dance. Hmm. That could be interesting. I'll take the wait-and-see approach on that one.
Who else is safe? Nicole and Derek. Duh. Derek is still really sweaty from his dance. He's all shiny. Yuck. I mean, it makes sense, but Nicole had to hug him when they were revealed to be safe and it was gross.
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Reba's back to perform "Consider Me Gone." Damn. I was kind of hoping for "Fancy." I'm a traditionalist that way. Dmitry and Lacey come out to dance. Man, I did not miss Lacey this season. She just, like, overdances. I don't know how to explain it. She's got Ballas disease. Maybe she's used to dancing on stage instead of on television, but her movements and facial expressions are way too big for television cameras. [She's been doing So You Think You Can Dance and this show for several years now, she should have adapted. -- Angel] Also, I think she has toilet paper in her hair. And I don't know who choreographed this routine but it doesn't seem like the moves go with the song at all. Like they don't match the beat. Not my favorite, obviously.
The Design-A-Dance performance will be Melissa Rycroft and Joey Fatone doing the tango to "Rock and Roll All Night." Wow, does that sound like a trainwreck. That introduces a clip package where Melissa interviews people in the studio audience and shows what it's like to be in the audience. It's mildly interesting as far as filler goes. I'd rather see that than another clip package of the celebs going, "I really want to win!"
Who else is safe? Evan and Anna. And who else? Chad and Cheryl! Oh, I hope he does better week.
Backstage, Brooke talks to the latest safe couples. Derek blames the music for the reason he broke the rules. She asks Evan and Anna if they can stay on top. Evan gives some non-answer honed from his years of skating interviews. Brooke asks Chad about doing the rumba week and he says they're going to make love on the dance floor. Cheryl actually blushes. Brooke is kind of knocked off her game for a minute and then asks nobody in particular if Monday or Tuesday nights are harder. Anna and Evan try to save her but it's all really awkward because no one can believe that Chad just said he's going to shag Cheryl on national television.
Clip package about how they're all friends! Even Kate! People like her! Really, they do! She texts with Erin. God, I wish they would give us the real story about who gets along and who doesn't. That would be so much more interesting. Who wants to hear that they all get along? BOOO-RIIIIIING!
So who else is safe from this big happy family? Pamela and Damian. Well, the producers are happy that Pam and her boobs are back. So going home will be either Jake and Chelsie, Buzz and Ashly or Kate and Tony. Thus, not a shocking elimination, no matter how it ends up.
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After reviewing the three remaining couples, Tom reveals that Buzz and Ashly are in the bottom two. People boo. Really? You're really surprise that these two are in the bottom two? The other couple in the bottom two is Jake and Chelsie. So that means Kate and Tony are safe. Tony doesn't look that relieved. Kate has no expression as usual.
So who's going home? Thankfully, it's Buzz and Ashly. I mean, he's an American hero and all, but he has no place in a ballroom dancing competition. Come on. Getting through the first elimination was a gift. In his exit speech, Buzz says that he did the show for the fighter pilots, military, and "geezers" like him. He also wants the public to remember the successes of the Apollo program and support the future of the space program. Man, he had a LOT of different reasons for going on the show. They show a clip package of the short time period Buzz has been on the show. As Buzz and Ashly do their final dance together, the rest of the cast salutes them. Aw. That was nice. Now, get out, old man. And take Kate with you week. Hear that America?
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