During the introduction, instead of focusing on Samantha and Tom, they keep showing shots of the dancers in their swing-dancing outfits, standing awkwardly on the dance floor, clapping and looking around. The judges are also clapping. Why is everyone clapping?
So let's recap last night, shall we? The judges loved Joey and Laila's routines. They were split on Apolo, due to the chair he used as a prop. The judges thought that Heather's upper body movements needed work, and Heather complains in an interview that she has to focus all of her thoughts on her legs to keep from falling. Hey, you know what this is? A dance competition. Not a keep-from-falling-down competition. Although it's kind of that, too. John and Billy Ray didn't do a lot of actual dance moves. Ian failed to bring the drama and focus, and Andrea Zuckerman in the audience was PISSED. Almost as pissed as the time that Brandon Walsh did something she considered unethical and she acted pinchy and disappointed. Oh, wait. That happened in every episode.
Tom asks Len which dance he would like to see again. Len says that all of the performances were really on point last night, so he can't pick just one, and instead would like to see the group swing dance again. Me too! Me too! Maybe this time someone will collide or fall down. Ooh, John and his partner almost screwed up their move, which would have meant her falling on her head. When I say fall down, I don't really want anyone to be hurt. Also, I just realized what this number is exactly like -- the scene in A League Of Their Own where they all go out dancing and Madonna and Rosie end up dancing together. Also, if you watch Billy Ray during this whole number, he is rarely if ever doing any of the actual moves, and when he does, he's totally out of sync with everyone else. And I still have no idea what that ending was, except Billy Ray is humping the air. Billy Ray is like a four-year-old who gets a laugh with some move or phrase, so he just keeps repeating it again and again, not really noticing that it's crossed the line from cute to annoying. Tom acknowledges that the ending of the dance was weird, so I'm glad I'm not the only one.
up is a performance from Joss Stone, whom I really enjoy as a singer, but whose look lately is kind of freaking me out. I liked her better when she was kind of earthy and crunchy, and now she's way too slick and polished for my tastes. She still has a great voice, though. I'm not sure what the dancers are doing while she sings, but the guys keep popping and locking. Julianne is dancing with her brother, and it's pretty astounding how much better the dancers look when they're dancing with people who know what they're doing. I bet Julianne's brother will be one of the dancers season.
Time for the audience's reactions. JC Chasez liked the lifts in the group dance. One guy is REALLY upset about the judges' treatment of Ian Ziering. JC thinks the whole thing is a crap shoot, and it's up to the people at home. I don't know why they have the audience reaction segment (other than killing time), since the audience never says anything that interesting anyway.
Tom and Samantha will now reveal two couples that are definitely safe. Those couples are Apolo and Julianne, and Laila and Maksim. No big surprises there.
Now it's time for yet another musical number featuring the cast of Dreamgirls doing "Step Into the Bad Side." But not the cast of the recent film, obviously. There's no Beyonce or Jennifer Hudson here. If you like musical numbers featuring lots and lots of people, you would like this. My favorite part is at the end, where they bust out tambourines out of nowhere. I think more of life should feature tambourines out of nowhere. It would certainly make life more interesting. Imagine if you're waiting in line at the grocery store and suddenly a big musical number starts up, and all of the shoppers bust out tambourines. And maybe a group of large women in black robes pours out from behind the customer service desk to sing backup. God, that would be awesome.
Samantha is interviewing Laila and Apolo with their partners backstage. Samantha asks who would win in a fight between them, and Laila and Apolo both agree that Laila would win. They talk about the competition, and Samantha asks Laila is her "biggest or smallest threat." Oh, a short joke! Samantha! Laila laughs that if she were really worried, she could have dropped him during the group dance.
Jimmy Kimmel will be demonstrating the foxtrot with Guillermo. Apparently, it's called "the Rolls Royce of dance" due to the smoothness. Jimmy and Guillermo go to demonstrate, and they do a quick switch to a guy who is clearly not Jimmy and a woman dressed up as Guillermo dressed up as a woman. God, this results show is bloated.
Joss Stone is back to sing "Tell Me About It." I dig that she sings barefoot, but again, it doesn't really fit with her new look. She's really young, though, so I guess she might be experimenting with her look. I just hope it wasn't one of those situations where the label execs told her she had to drop twenty pounds and start wearing more revealing clothes. But it probably was. I do kind of wonder how Joss Stone fits into the National Bingo Night demographic.
1 2 3
Tom announces that we're at the point in the season where the dancers are cracking a bit under the strain, so they are getting a little loopy. Joey is goofy. Billy Ray likes to do anything to avoid dancing. Heather giggles a lot. Joey concludes that if they're all this crazy already, he can't imagine what will happen when they get to the finals.
Samantha and Tom return to reveal one couple that is safe and one couple that is in the bottom two. Joey and Kym are safe. John and Edyta are in the bottom two. The audience boos loudly.
Now they have to kill some more time, so let's watch a clip package about how the dancers prepare for their dances mentally. Apolo warms up and uses visualization. John likes to read to take a "brain break." Laila spends time alone and sometimes practices her steps. Joey likes to goof around and jump in order to shake his trailer and annoy his partner. Billy Ray plays guitar. Ian kisses his dad on the cheek before each performance. Heather kisses a penny that her daughter gave her, and then she hides it in the sofa in the waiting room. And the one time she forgot to do that, she fell. Weird! But not really. Also, would you really want to kiss the penny after it's been hanging out in the stinky couch? Maybe she washes it in between shows.
Now it's time to reveal who the other couple is in the bottom two. It's between Ian, Billy Ray, and Heather. You know what amazes me about Heather? For someone who managed to snag one of the wealthiest men in the world, she's not that pretty. Anyway, Ian and Billy Ray are both safe, so Heather and Jonathan are in the bottom two with John and Edyta.
Please let it be Heather. Please let it be Heather. It's time for the reveal, and they're getting right to it. And the loser is...Heather and Jonathan! Yay! The audience sounds sort of surprised and makes that "Whoo" noise that kids used to make in the elementary school cafeteria when someone spilled a carton of milk and then the cool thing to do was ask, "Where's the fire?" And for some reason, our ritual was to repeat a line from a popular television commercial for a local convenience store to answer that question: "Just around the corner, all around the clock." Kids are freaking weird.
Anyway, Heather brought a farewell speech written out. Where was she hiding that thing? In her bosom? I just rewound to check, and I think she really did. That's classy. Heather manages to blame their loss on Carrie Ann giving them a seven, and she explains that they knew they would be eliminated because they got low scores. I guess it never occurred to her that they might be eliminated because they didn't dance that well. Tom picks up on it and asks if it's Carrie Ann's fault, and Heather pretty much says yes. Heather points out that Jonathan won't get paid anymore, now that she's been eliminated. I heard that Heather might be coming into some big money soon, so she could always help a brother out. God, she's such a negative person. Heather urges us all to avoid eating meat, and Samantha and Tom try to get her to shut her trap for a minute so they can move on. They don't make Heather and Jonathan dance us out, and instead, everyone comes down and hugs them, which is probably for the best. See you week!
1 2 3