Ass Your Dance Off

S01E10

Last up is Shayla. Mario interviews that he's had an "amazing" experience with Shayla. He clearly thinks that she deserves to win this competition because he's in love with her. Unless he's gay. Shayla thinks she deserves to win because she's in love with herself. And her dad. And lyrical jazz? Because that's the style she chose for herself. She'll be dancing to "No Air." What can I say about lyrical jazz? It seems to involve a lot of spinning around. Shayla's boyfriend is still hot. It looks like a dance recital for talented 10-year-olds, just like all jazz dances do. Except for the part where Shayla lies on top of Mario, of course. And also of course, Shayla is very emotional and proud of her amazingness as soon as the music is over. Her parents are in the audience. I was not aware that she had a mother. Mayte loved everything about the dance and gives Shayla a 10. Shayla does that thing where she's so overcome that her knees buckle. She does this like ten times a show these days. Lisa also loved Shayla's dance and its beauty and strength, but not enough to give her a 10. Just a 9. Shayla's knees do not buckle. Danny says Shayla started a bit weak before really picking it up and gives her a 9. Her first dance average is 9.3, which puts her in the lead.

After the break, MJW says there's a special bonus for the nine eliminated contestants: a $5,000 prize for the person with the greatest percentage of weight loss. Miles is very happy about this, as well he should be. He looks great and is a shoo-in to win. MJW will read off everyone's name and his or her stats. The last person she calls is the winner. You do not want to be the second-to-last person she calls up. Warren, of course, is first because there's no possible way he won this. He lost 29.1 pounds or 8.14% He says after losing just that amount of weight he's noticed that he has more energy and feels better, so he hopes to continue. Angela lost 22.3 pounds, which is 12%. Mara also lost 12% with 31.5 pounds. "That's what's up," she says. No, Mara - that's what's down! Tara lost 31.1 pounds for a percentage of 13.1. Brandon lost 21.5 pounds. That's just 9.33%. He says that's more than he expected. Sigh. Trice lost 39.4 pounds, which is 14.33%. Karla lost 23.8 pounds or 13.61%. She must have gained a lot of muscle, because she looks pretty damn slim now. Alicia and Miles are the two remaining contestants. They're both nervous. And sucks for them - MJW won't tell them who won until the show. Quick, Alicia! Throw the Cheat Cabinet at MJW! Back on stage, Miles says that he changed a lot of things when he went home from Dance Your Ass Off, like his job and some of his friends. Huh? Losing weight is cause to dump friends? How? Unless those friends are Mr. Frank N. Furter and Miss French Fries. [That's Dr. Frank N. Furter. - Z] Alicia says she's transformed mentally as well as physically. And she's crying the entire time. But she's looking forward to loving the rest of her life, so that's cool. So who won? Well, Alicia lost 48.2 pounds or 18.71%. Pretty impressive! And Miles lost 45.3 pounds, or 17.3%. Which means Alicia wins! No way! I guess venting your lifelong rage at the Cheat Cabinet is an honestly good way to drop the pounds. Anyway, I'm happy Alicia won, because it turns out that when she isn't crying and screaming and making weird dance faces on this show, she's pretty cool. Congrats!