Just when you thought the first season of this show was over... it's time for the reunion! Which I am actually looking forward to, just to see how everyone looks now. First improvement: MJW, whose hair is straight and not gigantic or piled on top of her head. Also, she is wearing something with sleeves. Good idea. She still has that annoying smirky manner about her, though. Like, she moves her lips too much when she speaks. I'm not deaf, MJW. I'm not lip-reading. Settle down. She says the contestants have lost an additional 219 pounds combined since the show ended. Hooray!
MJW brings the contestants back on in the order they were booted off. Angela takes the stage first, and she's lost 36 pounds total. That doesn't sound like much, but she looks pretty slim now. Warren continues to fail and is 25 pounds lighter, which I think means he's gained weight since the last episode of the show. And then I guess we aren't introducing contestants in the order they were booted, since Mara is up and she's 44 pounds lighter. Karla lost 20 pounds, so she's also gained a bit since the end of the show. Brandon also lost 20 pounds. Tara lost a ridiculous 52 pounds total and she looks great. Trice lost even more than that -- 69 pounds! MJW is so impressed that she takes tells Trice that she looks "fantastic" and asks her what the biggest change she's seen has been. "Having my abs as tight as my weave!" Trice says. Oh, Trice. Please host the show season. Trice says she's excited to shop for new clothes for her new body -- she dropped ten dress sizes! She says she can now shop for "any handbag I want," which is kind of weird because I didn't think one's weight really prohibited her from certain handbags.
MJW turns to Tara to tell her she looks "amazing." I guess the people with the biggest weight loss get the most attention. They also get to sit on the couch while the underachievers are on stools behind them. Tara says she feels like a MILF now. I would like her more if she didn't keep saying "MILF." Tara says she's kept up on her weight loss by jogging around the field while her kids were at Little League practice. I bet they just loved that. Not embarrassing at all. MJW asks if anyone has been recognized on the street. Does MJW get recognized on the streets, even? Angela says when she went to New York with her family, she saw her butt all over the city in the advertisements. I can't decide if that's awesome or awful. But Angela thought it was "so cool." Mara says getting on the scale wasn't embarrassing but empowering. Yes, when you're losing weight and the scale numbers decrease every time, it is empowering. Brandon says he's more confident now and has several dating prospects on the Oxygen.com forums. I can see why. Even though he's still overweight, there is something really attractive about Brandon. Except for when he wore that orange ruffled shirt. Yuck. And yet, Brandon says he's still not dating. Sigh.
There will be no catching up with Warren or Karla, as MJW now has questions from Oxygen's website to ask. Some girl wants to know how much time contestants spent dancing and how much time they spent working out. Karla says they had two workout sessions, two hours of dance, and dance rehearsals with their partners daily, and two sessions each week with the personal trainer. "I've never worked out so much in my entire life," she says. Nor have any of us who have to spend our days doing things like working. With that, MJW intros a clip of never-before-seen footage from the show of various contestants working out and dancing and feeling much pain, both mental and physical. Ruben hates having to look at himself in the mirror during dance rehearsal. Warren misses his family and looks out the window sadly. But there are good memories, too! The contestants bonded with each other and became a family. And they lost weight and felt good about themselves. And then they all got kicked off and cried. Tara is all emotional after the montage, so MJW uses this to ask her how it felt to face the scale every week. Tara says she felt like throwing up the first time, but as soon as she stepped off of it, it felt good because she knew that every time she stepped on it again it would be a lower number.
MJW asks the panel who the most emotional contestant was. I think we all know where this is going: Alicia! This leads into an Alicia montage. Yes, there's that meltdown we've seen so many times. I think Alicia learned an important lesson beyond the weight loss and healthy eating stuff: what you do on camera can and will be shown to a national audience over and over and over again. Especially if you're the only one having a nervous breakdown. God, even when she works out she's loud and annoying. There's an interview with Ruben where he says, on the nicest terms possible, that Alicia is a crazy bomb waiting to go off. She cries when Dr. H puts his arm around her, but I can't fault her for that. I would, too. I think that was when he was wearing his spandex workout pants. Shudder. With that, MJW brings "the Queen of Crying" to the stage. Some girl in the audience is like: when Alicia walks out, and then when we get to see her I can tell why: Alicia looks fucking amazing!!! Are you kidding me?? She lost 90 pounds! I didn't think she had it in her. I was wrong. MJW is so jealous as she's forced to tell Alicia how beautiful she looks. She really does. I guess all that crying really was useful after all. She gets a seat on the Couch of Success. I can't believe how different her face looks. I would not recognize her. Until she started speaking. MJW asks Alicia if she ever thought she would lose this much weight. Alicia says that she had no idea what to expect from this show and learned much more than she ever thought she would. "I own who I am," she says. MJW says that Alicia had a "love-hate" relationship with the Cheat Cabinet. Heh heh. I love talking about Alicia's relationship with the Cheat Cabinet. I'm so glad MJW brought it up. Alicia says that everyone on the show ate like crap and being on this show and eating healthy was like detox for drug addicts. Alicia is now a size 9, down from a size 20. MJW asks Alicia what criticisms from the viewing audience bothered her most, and Alicia says it was the mole she has on her philtrum, which apparently now has its own website. I don't think I ever said anything about her mole, so that makes me awesome. "Go pay your bills, you know?" Alicia says. Oh, snap, America! And especially Aliciamole.com!
Back from the break, Tara has been booted from the Couch of Success to make room for the reveal. That is cold. Miles is up , and he looked great at the finale so he probably looks awesome now. Yes, he certainly does! I actually let out a "wooow" when I saw him, and I'm home alone. He is SKINNY! MJW says he looks like "a whole new person." He looks like half the person he was, that's for sure. He also lost 90 pounds. We get to see him living his new life back in Salt Lake City. He's making nutritious meals and stocking his cabinets with good, healthy food. He sold his car in favor of riding his new bike everywhere, which is such a good idea unless it rains. He also has a new job. He quit his job as a bartender in favor of leading hiking tours for more exercise. Then he goes home to his family, including a brother who has a shaved head just like him. His sisters have lost 82 and 55 pounds along with him. They talk about how they've been able to move past their father's death from obesity by losing weight. Dance Your Ass Off has saved Miles' entire family! Except his dad, whose grave he visits. Oh dear: it turns out that Miles' last name is "Roadhead." Or at least, that's his father's last name so I'm assuming it's Miles' as well. That alone would make me comfort eat. His dad was only 44 when he died 20 years ago. Oh -- wait a minute -- the last name is actually Broadhead. That's much better. Back in the studio, MJW asks Miles how it felt to watch him at his father's gravesite. Duh, MJW. But at least she actually seemed sincerely caring when she asked. Miles says it's bittersweet because his dad is still dead but the rest of his family isn't sitting around waiting to die from obesity, too, anymore. MJW then asks the important question: what is Miles going to do when winter comes and he doesn't have a car to ride around in? "Probably freeze," Miles says.
MJW asks the rest of the panel what they were most afraid of when they went home. Tara says she was afraid the rest of her family wouldn't "get on board" because they apparently want their mother/wife to be fat and unhappy? She also has some good advice: the key to eating well is to plan, plan, plan! Plan grocery lists, cook food ahead of time, pack a nutritious lunch so that you're never stuck being hungry with only fast food around to eat. Trice, who has been moved off the Couch of Success, says she cleaned out her refrigerator when she went home. I saw some woman on Hoarders do that earlier today. It was bad news.
MJW introduces Pinky . After Alicia and Miles' amazing 90 pound losses, her 32 pounds isn't as impressive, although she still looks really good, partially because the costumers put a big belt around her waist to hide that it's still kind of big. The costumers for this reunion show are so much better than the people who worked on the real show. Pinky takes a seat on the Couch of Success and says she's still having problems with her foot, which explains why she hasn't lost as much weight as some of the others. MJW reminds Pinky that it came down to just half a pound between winning $100,000 and losing. Pinky says in the end, she wasn't as mad at herself as she thought she would be because she got to dance. And she probably thought she wasn't going to be able to even do that with her foot problem. She mentions Mr. Lucky, whose name still makes me laugh even after eleven episodes, saying he was very supportive.
That leads MJW to introduce a montage of the dance partners and the instrumental part they played in helping the contestants to be so successful. There are good times and bad times with the partners, depending on how demanding they're being. Warren's dance partner is working against some serious odds. And, of course, Paul and Mara get in that big fight. Trice interviews that she probably turned Jesus on because she is that sexy. Considering that in all likelihood Jesus is gay, that is pretty damn impressive. And they show the clip of Brandon smirking and nodding with hisr face on top of his dance partner's crotch twice. MJW asks Trice if she and Jesus "sealed the deal." "Oh no no no no no no no," Trice says. Poor Jesus is in the audience looking mortified, although that might just be because he has to sit to Dr. H. Brandon explains his awesome nod to the camera by saying that the flip was introduced by his dance partner at the last minute and he was so happy that he got it right that he nodded. Brandon's dance partner has some dating advice for Brandon: "try flipping 'em over." Brandon manages to turn beet red. And, of course, MJW asks Mara if things between her and Paul are okay now. Mara sincerely thanks Paul for all of his help and support and making her look "fantabulous every week." Aw. MJW asks if anyone else has something to say to his partner. Miles announces that he is his dance partner's "bitch" forever. Pinky thanks Mr. Lucky, who lost 7 pounds himself during the show.
After the break, it's Shayla's turn to walk out. She lost 50 pounds and her legs look great, and she managed to keep much of her boobs. You can't ask for much more than that! Like Miles, the cameras went home with Shayla to see her life now. She's eating well and is super-active, dancing during tennis matches! That's double exercise! Of course, her boyfriend is very happy with all of this. "She's sexy," he says. I think that's the most he's ever said on this show. Shayla is now teaching dance classes to children, and in one clip she's actually showing them how to do a move that she did on the show. That's cool. With that, MJW asks Shayla what the biggest change in her body has been and Shayla whips out her old bra, which is freaking massive. Miles looks horrified. He shouldn't, though. Now that Shayla is a smaller cup size, she can give her old bras to Miles to wear as hats. Shayla says she loves her body right now, as well she should.
We get a montage of the contestants' health during and after the show. This is bad news, because it means we have to see Dr. H. Sure enough, he informs us that fat people have health problems. The contestants in the beginning of the show are all suffering from various problems that require some fairly ridiculous-looking medical devices to deal with. But sure enough, as the weeks went by and the pounds dropped, Dr. H was pleased to report that the contestants' health was much improved. No more diabetes or pre-diabetes! Crazy Nutritionist Meg makes an appearance to tell us that eating healthy is a good idea. She also thought that making Pinky eat less than 1,000 calories a day while exercising strenuously was a good idea, though. Back in the studio, Mara says she no longer has diabetes. Warren's asthma and sleep apnea have gone away. And he only lost 25 pounds, so that really tells you how much good you can do for your body with just a little bit of effort. Ew, MJW calls Dr. H the "resident hero" and the cast gives him a standing ovation. Dr. H says the standing O just burned five calories and the contestants have done better than he could have hoped. Even though he works on The Biggest Loser and therefore sees huge improvements like this all the time.
Time to bring out Ruben! He also lost 90 pounds total. How did three contestants lose the same amount of weight like that? Anyway, he looks great but pretty much like he did at the end of the show. MJW says that combined since the show started the contestants have lost 618 pounds. Then we see the Ruben montage. Wow, he really does look different than he did at the beginning. There he is working out and calorie-counting and getting great scores from the judges because he's a ringer. Ruben now weighs 224 pounds, so he still has a little way to go but has done a pretty amazing job. MJW asks him when it occurred to him that he could win the show. He says it was when it got down to the Final Four, probably because he saw that his competition was Alicia, who isn't as good of a dancer, and Pinky, who can't lose weight. He had to think it was 50-50 at that point. He says the transition going home was hard, but he thinks he's managed to incorporate his new habits into his old life. And sadly, John is back in the hospital. That's a huge bummer, especially because I thought his cancer was in remission.
The people on Oxygen.com are obsessed with the Cheat Cabinet and want to know how much of a temptation it was. MJW calls it the "Temptation Closet." Ugh, MJW. It's CHEAT CABINET. Learn it, live it, love it. I want the Cheat Cabinet to host season. Mara admits to taking food out of it once. Pinky says she broke herself off a piece of a Kit-Kat bar the same week that she lost 6.4 pounds, which should tell you all you need to know about Crazy Nutritionist Meg's diet programs. MJW says that "some people" thought the Cheat Cabinet was mean. Like me. I would not have called this a shout-out if I didn't know for a fact that at least one executive producer on this show read my weecaps. Tara says the Cheat Cabinet is "real life" and helped them learn how to make good choices. It's still mean.
MJW suddenly asks if anyone has "new news." Pinky is now dancing with her brothers just like she always wanted. Warren's wife is pregnant with a son, thanks, apparently, to some dance moves he learned that translated to good sex with his wife. So he does the thing where he waves his hands around in bed? Because that's the only dance move I've seen him do with any skill. Tara says her love life is "very busy." Thanks for the TMI, Warren and Tara. Karla is still single. "Shocking!" Ruben says sarcastically. Um, that's really rude, Ruben. Also I just realized that thanks to this show, he has left his boyfriend alone in a hospital not once, but twice.
We get a montage of the judges' best moments. Seriously, though -- I don't care about the judges. Why are they a part of this reunion show? Because Lisa is the Executive Producer and wants to be on TV, probably. MJW introduces the judges, and Lisa's lips are looking as real as ever. Mayte says everyone looks "amazing" but that's what she always says, so whatever. Lisa says the hardest part of the competition was seeing someone go home. Then don't create a show that sends people home, Lisa! And, of course, she's all emotional and proud of how everyone has done. Although if I created and executive-produced a TV show that changed people's lives like this has, I'd probably be the same way. Danny tells us what his three favorite routines were: Mara's first week (which he only gave an 8 to -- should have been a 10!), Shayla's salsa, and Ruben's Paso Doble.
Back from break, we have yet another judge montage, this time of them being harsh. MJW starts talking about something I don't care about and is awesomely interrupted by Mara, who says that while she appreciated the "constructive criticism" she received from the judges, she has to speak honestly about when she was voted off. She's cool with Mayte, who gave her a 10, but not with Lisa and Danny, who gave her 8s. She thinks she should have gotten all 10s and she and Paul were "totally robbed." MJW and the judges look all awkward. Well, except for Mayte. Danny says that someone has to go home and they can only score how they see it in the moment. Mayte tries to speak up, but Lisa interrupts her to get all indignant and say they judged true to the dance style of the week. Ruben says that some of the things the judges said really needed to be said, which is easy for him to say since he won. But I guess he got some crap in the first week when they said he looked "feminine" on stage, which he now believes is accurate. Also, what's done is done and venting about it on the reunion show only makes you look bad, Mara. MJW says that in the end, they're all winners except not in the sense that they lost 90 pounds or won $100,000.
With that, we get a montage of people saying the same things over and over again. Mayte gets mad at various contestants for not pointing toes and even gets in some interview footage that I don't think we ever saw in the actual show. Then we get various contestants talking about where they're from -- Alicia from Scranton, PA and Trice from Englewhat-what-woooood! And then there's a lot of talk about the core and working on it until Shayla just goes off on the much-bleeped and kind of awesome rant about it. Then we get lots of Lisa talking about locking things down. She loves locking it down so much that she even tells herself to lock it down. And I still don't know what lock it down means.
Back from the break, we get a montage of outtakes! I love outtakes. First of all, Warren coughs in Dr. H's face. Ha! Then various contestants are dropped by their partners in rehearsal. Some woman wearing just a bikini falls hard on her ass. And MJW has trouble with some of her lines and is actually much more natural and fun to watch when she's not in host mode. She accidentally says "testicle dances" instead of "technical dances" that takes us into a clip of poor Brandon getting kicked in the groin by his dance partner during a rehearsal. At one point, Miles and his partner had umbrellas during their rehearsal and Miles accidentally stabbed his partner in the leg. And Mr. Lucky has some trouble lifting Pinky up from a dip.
Finally, it's time to award the fan-chosen favorite contestant a measly $5,000. Oh, and a year membership at Crunch gym. And the winner is... Shayla! She's shocked. I am, too. What about Pinky? And Miles? And KARLA? Come on, America! I must say, though, that Shayla does do an awesome victory dance.
With that, MJW asks for final thoughts. Miles says the show saved his and his family's lives. Lisa holds Mayte's hand and gets emotional. Shayla tearfully says the show gave her some great new friendships and her life back. Alicia says because of this show, she feels beautiful inside and out for the first time in her life. Ruben gets the last word. He says he's proud of how he did on the show and that many doors have opened for him. Ruben was kind of boring and blah tonight, but that's probably because he's kind of distracted with his boyfriend in the hospital and all. All the contestants, MJW, and even the judges take the dance floor for one last dance and that's it for Season One of what will probably be many!
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