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Despite last week's pretty enticing cliffhanger, it's another mediocre (at best) episode of our formerly favorite spy series. There are at least three different storylines going on, so I'll start with what seems like the A plot. A blood diamond dealer seeks Carmichael Industry's help getting his brother back from some kidnappers. He pays $200,000 up front, which is great for Team Bartowski (or should it be Team Grimes now?), since it turns out the guy doesn't want to save his brother; he wants to kill him. So the gang saves him and takes him back to their supposedly safe and secret Castle (but, remember, that Decker and the whole U.S. government knows where it is. Plus, Karl walked in earlier in the episode, so he does too. But none of that matters, because Morgan goes rogue and heads to the diamond dealer's compound to ... I don't know, actually. Take him down? He drags Chuck -- who's been made Morgan's handler -- along with him, and they nearly get themselves killed, before Casey and Sarah hire a rival private spy operation to save the day, costing them pretty much all of the $200,000 they made this episode.
Which brings us to our B plot. Carrie-Anne Moss is the leader of a rival spy group called Verbanski Industries. She took down Casey in 1995 in Minsk, and then they had sex. So there's a lot of history and tension there, which Casey tries to play off as her interest in him. But when he's calling her up at the episode's end to ask her on a date (though he chickens out, adorably), it's pretty clear he's the one with the greater interest. Carrie-Anne (whose name is Gertrude Verbanksi, actually) does try to hire Sarah away from Carmichael Industries, which Sarah thinks is a ploy to really hire Casey. But neither of them budges ... though someone else does. That someone, of course, is Morgan. He's not taking too kindly to being "handled" by Chuck or second-guessed by Sarah and Casey, or ever given a bit of direction. He thinks he can handle anything (he can't), and he wants to advertise his Intersect-ness (he tells Verbanski). He's basically a whining baby, and it reaches a point where I do actually hope he stays with Verbanski and becomes one of the bad guys. But this is Chuck, so we know that won't happen. Anyway, the most unsettling part of it all is that Morgan doesn't get an Indiana Jones reference. Or care about "trilogy night" with Chuck. Or know who Luke Skywalker is.
The C plot is the most entertaining and -- despite it being the Buy More plot -- the most successful. See, Big Mike's back from his sex and snorkeling vacation in Hawaii, and has an idea to help get the Buy More back on its feet. He pulls out an old video of himself shilling old Buy More products (BetaMax, anyone?) with his sex appeal. Chuck and Morgan tell him the Buy More may need a fresh face to go with new technology for its new campaign. After auditioning the Buy More employees, Big Mike recruits Captain Awesome. And we all know how that will go, since it's right there in his name. Basically, the Buy More's packed with people lured in by the appeal of the creamy skin and unnaturally high cheekbones of the heart surgeon/natural athlete. Now maybe the team can complain a little less about money and focus on what matters: getting the Intersect out of Morgan's clearly inferior brain and back into Chuck's before this show loses its few remaining viewers.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!A few things Chuck wants us to know: Morgan's the Intersect 3.0 (or whatever we're on now). Decker froze Carmichael Industry's assets, so Chuck realized they need to make the Buy More profitable to support their spy business. Which is not at all where we open. Instead, Chuck, Sarah and Casey are making what appears to be a commercial but what turns out to be a sales pitch at some sort of spy conference. They just stand there and talk, then have a technical glitch with their Carmichael Industries logo. Where they opted to not go flashy, however, Verbanski Corp. comes in with lasers blazing in the dark. Their head is Gertrude Verbanski (Carrie-Anne Moss). "If we can get to you, we can get to anyone." Casey seems very upset about this, and explains it all to Sarah and Chuck back at his apartment. She was in KGB, and Casey was a patriot, back in 1995 in Minsk. They had an altercation, which left a knife scar right over one of Casey's favorite scars. Growl. Chuck says she was good, whoever she is, and she took all of their potential clients.
Then he breaks the bad news to Awesome, who ditched rock climbing to help him prep for the presentation. Awesome can't believe it didn't go well, since he gave Chuck all his pointers -- the same ones he used to woo "your hot sister." Awesome, ever the optimist, tells Chuck it's okay, though, since at least they still have the Buy More. Right? Cut to the empty Buy More, as Old West music plays. Chuck walks in and an actual tumbleweed rolls by. Morgan says it's from the new home and garden section they put in to drum up business. Or something. Then Morgan suggests they advertise his Intersect to bring in some customers, but Chuck points out that the Intersect can't exactly be public information. Then a guy walks in, and Morgan "zooms." (I will never get used to them using that; can we please go back to Chuck as the Intersect now, please?) He tells Chuck it's a bad guy, and before Chuck can stop him, Morgan zooms on some kung-fu, and stunt doubles his way over to do a leaping punch into the guy's face. Casey calls and tells Chuck their one potential client is about to show up. Chuck looks down and the guy Morgan just punched out is holding Casey's Carmichael Industries card... Aaaaaaaand Cake opening.
Chuck uses some smelling salts or something to wake up their potential client, who's played by Jeff Fahey (also known as Frank Lapidus, if you didn't notice). Sarah sweet-talks him a little, and even Casey gets in on it by offering muffins that he apparently made fresh this very morning. Lapidus's name here is Karl Sneijder. Chuck asks Karl why their partner might have thought he was a criminal, and Karl says he works in the diamond industry in Africa, and isn't known for keeping his hands clean. However, he is here for something legitimate: He wants to get his little brother, Wesley, back from some kidnappers. Wesley's a good man who's never had anything to do with the dirty diamonds. Casey asks why they should believe his brother was kidnapped, so Karl gives them a finger, presumably Wesley's. Karl offers $200,000 up front, and another $200,000 when they deliver his brother. He asks them to please consider helping his brother, even though they don't want to help him. Sarah tells him they'll take some time to consider, and Karl says that's fine. But he does want to know if their friend with the beard will be a problem. They all insist he won't.
Then, when he's gone, Chuck and Sarah discuss it and she thinks Morgan will be a problem. Chuck explains to her what it's like to have the Intersect in the beginning: hormones are out of whack, you're rediscovering your body... basically, it's like puberty. Sarah says that's why Morgan needs a handler, and she wants it to be Chuck. She reminds him that he had her and Casey, and Morgan needs someone. Chuck heads to Morgan's office. He apologizes to Chuck for what happened with Karl. Chuck says it took him awhile, too, and Morgan compares himself to Peter Parker coming to terms with his spidey sense. Then Chuck tells Morgan the idea of being his handler, just like Sarah and Casey did for him. Morgan agrees.
Before they can have a real heart to heart about it all, Big Mike bursts in, back from his "sexual experimentation" and snorkeling vacation with Morgan's mother, Bolonia. Big Mike asks what they've been up to, since the Buy More's looking awfully empty. Chuck acknowledges it's been a little slow, and Big Mike says that's not going to work for him, since Bolonia's "not a cheap tigress." Chuck agrees -- but, you know, not with the part about Morgan's mother being a tigress. Big Mike has a suggestion to save the Buy More. He shows the boys an old video from the '70s of him selling old-school TVs and BetaMax and everything else, by being a real ladies man, luring them in with his charms and all that. He suggests just re-airing it, since it brought in a lot of business back in the day. Chuck tells Big Mike it feels a little dated, what with the updates in technology (not to mention Big Mike's girth). Morgan agrees, and says they need a fresh face to show that the Buy More has something new to offer. Big Mike, clearly hurt, says he hears them.
Meanwhile, Sarah and Casey are checking into Karl's story. She finds the finger to be a positive match for Wesley. And Casey's spying on the compound where Wesley's being held. He's dressed in full-on cheeseball hunting gear: bright orange camo vest (an oxymoron?), a brown hat with flaps, and a rifle slung over his shoulder. He tells Sarah Wesley's being held in a guarded compound. Then, to see how well-protected the place is, he blows on a duck call. Some guards run out, and he pretends he's just hunting (but, just for the record, from someone who's married to a hunter, a waterfowl hunter would not wear a bright orange vest, and would not be wandering around, but rather sitting in a blind, waiting). Clearly the guards don't know any more about hunting than Casey does, though. It gives him a chance to count ten guards at the entrance. He lets Sarah know, and she says there has to be another way in. He growls that he'll find it if there is.
Sarah's iPhone rings. It says "Gertrude Verbanski," and she answers it sounding puzzled. I'm also puzzled, because why does she have Gertrude's number in her phone? Then she's at Verbanski Corp., a big, hulking compound with tons of people training and fighting all over the place. She finds Gertrude in her office, where there's also a gun on display that says "Taken in Action" from John Casey in Minsk. Gertrude offers Sarah a job, and says Carmichael Industries doesn't offer anything but a former colonel and a CEO with skinny arms. Sarah scoffs, and tells her they both know she's not leaving her husband's company, so why is she really here... is it because Gertrude wants to get to John Casey? Gertrude doesn't say anything, but she looks a little guilty. Gertrude tells her she should leave her company, which is obviously failing. Sarah tells her that she hoped this could be a cooperation between their businesses, but if it's competition she's after, Gertrude can have it. Sarah leaves her by telling her not to expect Sarah to mount anything of Gertrude's in her office when this is all over. "It's just tacky." Yeah, good luck taking down a giant CORP with your tiny, four-person Industries.
Chuck and Morgan are in a convenience store shopping for TV dinners. Morgan babbles about how he finally feels as cool as Chuck now that he has the Intersect, making life a little more bearable. Newsflash: He's still not as cool as Chuck. There's a holdup at the register, and Morgan says this is what he's been waiting for. He finds a black mask, which he slips on, and starts talking in a lowered voice about being the "Bearded Bandit." Chuck asks if he even knows what bandit means, but Morgan's not listening. He heads up and takes down the burglar. But when he calls himself the Bearded Bandit, that freaks the girl out and she throws the money at him. Then the actual burglar gets back up and pulls his gun on Morgan. Chuck knocks him down and takes his gun. Then the cops pull up, and Morgan's like, "The fuzz! The fuzz!" Chuck realizes he's the world's worst handler, and they run out of there. (Morgan's mask and a bunch of background jack-o-lanterns in the background make me realize they were planning for the original October 21 start date, and that this was supposed to be the Halloween weekend episode.)
Casey and Sarah scold Chuck when the Bearded Bandit ends up in the day's paper. Sarah says they're a legitimate company, not vigilantes in masks. Chuck says Morgan meant well. Sarah points out that he could have gotten himself and the store clerk killed, which is basically the end of that conversation. But can't Casey talk to him? I mean, they're roommates (or were, last I checked). But on to the task at hand: They found Wesley, and verified Karl's story, so everything's ready for this job, except for handling Morgan. Chuck breaks it to Morgan that he has to stay in the van. Morgan's not happy about this, since he's the Intersect (had you heard?), and should be used on the mission. He plays the friend card, but Chuck tells him he's also his handler, so it's his job to protect the Intersect.
Buy More. Big Mike's auditioning all the staff for the new commercials. Jeff's gross. Lester's annoying. Big Mike's "so over this whole Jeffster! thing." Who isn't? Even Lester agrees. Big Mike yells and tells everyone that the store's on the line and none of them have a face that will bring in customers. Cue Awesome entering the store in slow motion, with a wind machine blowing on him. Big Mike's impressed. Who isn't? He helps Awesome find what he's looking for, but then watches him and talks about what a pretty man he is.
To get into the compound where Wesley's being held, they have to climb a rock wall. Morgan's forced to wait in the van, despite his protests. He heads back there, mumbling unhappily under his breath. Sarah scales the wall first, as Casey shoots hand-holds into the rock when and where she needs them to be. Sarah has Casey on a private line and tells him about her meeting with Verbanski. It distracts him so much he almost misses shooting a hand-hold for her in time once. When she asks what's up with him and Verbanski, he just says he's got Sarah's back and gets all focused and intent. Morgan's still muttering in the van when Sarah reaches the top, leaving a rope/hand-hold for Chuck and Casey to follow. Morgan, in the van: "It's about time."
Chuck breaks them into the house entirely too easily, and they find Wesley (Justin Hartley, or Oliver/Green Arrow, if you've forgotten) lounging in the living room. He wonders what the hell they're doing here, and when they say they're here to save him, he asks what they're talking about. See, he's not been kidnapped. The guards around the place are all people he hired to protect him from his brother, Karl, who is the person who cut off Wesley's finger. Because Wesley is about to make a deal with the Feds to testify against Karl. The gang assures Wesley they're not here to hurt him, and they tell Morgan to get the van ready. But the van? It's empty. Because Morgan is on his way up. He fights some guards on the other side of a frosted glass door (helping solve a stunt-double problem, I guess). Morgan comes in and "zooms." He tells them all, but they know! Morgan says if the Intersect wasn't stifled in the van, they'd have all known sooner. Then Karl calls Chuck, who pretends things are still going as planned when Karl says there's a team coming to pick up his brother now. They came here to save him, so they're going to do that anyway. Morgan insists the Intersect runs from no man, but Chuck says he does for now. Morgan listens for a change, and they all run off.
Team Bartowski meets via video-conference with Karl, who snipes that they had a deal. Sarah says that's true, but it was to save Wesley. Karl says it was actually to "extract" him. Chuck says they didn't know his plan was to kill him, or that he cut off Wesley's finger. Karl tells them they have four hours to deliver Wesley, or he's coming after them (and, since he walked right into the Buy More to meet with them, their Castle is obviously not such a secret). He starts to tell them what he's going to put on their comment card, but Casey hangs up on him before he can finish. It's just too painful when you get a negative comment. They try to decide what to do. Morgan wants to get to Karl and take him out, but Casey points out that there are just four of them. Sarah wonders if they can get to Beckman, who can protect Wesley, but Morgan insists there's no time. Casey says they're not going into a firefight unprepared, and then asks Morgan to go on a food run. Morgan: "I am the Intersect!" (No, really, have you heard?) Casey: "Then act like it." God, I love him. Chuck tells Morgan he'll go with him, and they head out for burritos.
Buy More. Big Mike's apparently faked a dizzy spell so Awesome can check on him in Big Mike's office. As he hands Awesome his urine, Big Mike asks if Awesome's considered doing a little less doctoring and little more modeling. Awesome says he's about to go on paternity leave to spend more time with his family. "I mean, sure I did some modeling in college for Abercrombie & Fitch." (Who didn't?) But he hung up those cargo pants long ago. Big Mike tells him he's not talking about some teenage porno here; he's talking about the Buy More. Chuck's place of business. Which is nearly empty. "But your creamy skin and unusually high cheekbones could change all that." He says if Awesome's taking time off to help his family, then this qualifies since Chuck is family.
In the car, Morgan complains about Casey and Sarah not letting him do anything even though HE'S THE INTERSECT. (Did you know this? Because I didn't know this.) He tells Chuck that Sarah made Chuck his babysitter to distract Chuck from the fact that he's also sidelined. He points out that he's on a food run, too. Because HE VOLUNTEERED. Morgan says he loves Sarah, but wants to be sure she's not handling Chuck. Chuck says she isn't, and then points out Morgan just passed their exit for Dos Locos. But Morgan's on his way to Karl's place, which he "zoomed" on back in Castle. He says the two of them are going to take Karl out on their own. Chuck says he's calling Casey and Sarah, who can help, but he doesn't right away and Morgan pulls up. Morgan tells Chuck they're like Batman and Robin. Or Batman and Batman if Chuck isn't happy as Robin. Chuck tells him he gets this; he knows what it's like to be in the early days of the Intersect. Morgan tells Chuck he's a hero even without the Intersect, hands him a weapon and tells him he needs his help. Then he runs inside Karl's headquarters. Chuck calls Sarah and tells her Morgan just ran in, and he has to go in and follow him. She tries to get him to wait, but he says he's Morgan's handler so he has to go in. And she'd do the same for him.
Casey and Sarah prepare to head after them, when Sarah pulls up a computer and finds Casey's been looking up Verbanski Corp. Wesley comes out and tells Casey and Sarah that his brother's place is like a fortress. If anything goes wrong, it's looked down so that nobody gets in or out alive. Inside the fortress, Morgan wants to find proof that Karl's smuggling diamonds so they can take him down. Chuck protests, but Morgan's completely annoying. When he sees a guard, he "zooms," and his stunt double takes the guy out. Casey and Sarah "zoom" over in their own way, as she drives 80 and above the whole ride to Karl's. She snits that he obviously wants to work for Verbanski, but he tells her a story about how he and Gertrude had a one-night stand once, after she knifed him, so she really just wants him, physically. Sexually. Sarah would like to focus on the mission now. All the while, Morgan and Chuck are fighting Karl's guards back at the fortress. Even Chuck still seems to have his swoopy and air-jumping Intersect moves. Must be residual.
After Morgan tranqs a showoffy knife trickster, Chuck calls him "Indy." Morgan: "Who?" Chuck laughs, but Morgan's not seeming to get the joke. No time to dwell, though, because Chuck wants to get out of this place. Now. Morgan disagrees, and won't listen even when Chuck pulls the handler card. Chuck tells Morgan that having the Intersect in you doesn't mean you don't have something to learn, and Morgan has a lot to learn. He says he called Casey and Sarah, and Morgan is horrified. But Karl and a few more guards interrupt. Karl says he wishes they'd called before dropping by. He sees all his knocked-out guards, and says, "The place is a mess." Karl asks if Chuck brought Wesley, but can see he didn't. The windows start to lock down, and Casey and Sarah aren't inside yet. Casey says the boys are on their own, but Sarah says she's doing whatever it takes. She pulls out her phone, and Casey asks who she's going to call.
Morgan and Chuck are tied up inside, with Morgan still whining like a pesky 3-year-old about Chuck calling them. Chuck says they're a team, not superheroes or vigilantes. But Morgan says he thought this one was just the two of them. He says Casey and Sarah don't trust him or believe in him, and it's clear Chuck doesn't anymore, either. Karl's sick of listening to the whining, and says he only needs one hostage. He pulls a gun, but the lights in the fortress immediately go out. Chuck wonders what's happening, and then quickly figures it out as laser lights come on all around. Verbanski's people bust in and take down Karl and all of his men. Sarah's one of Verbanski's people in this scenario. Chuck is glad they came, but Sarah says it wasn't cheap. Gertrude tells Sarah that some might say it's tacky to hire your competition to help you, but she thinks it takes balls. She says there's no payment plan, and someone from her Burbank office will drop off the bill. She tells Casey it's "always a pleasure," and sways on out. Chuck thanks them for coming, and Sarah says they're a team. Except the whiner, who stalks off, apparently very unhappy at having had his life saved just now.
When they get back to the Buy More, Sarah wonders why there are so many people there. They assume something's wrong. Chuck hopes Jeff's not trying to bathe in the washing machine again. But what people are gathered around is Awesome's commercial. He walks around in a Buy More shirt, talking about how everything about him is also about Buy More: the blender he uses for his protein shakes, his shower radio. He points out he's a heart surgeon and a natural athlete. Then asks viewers, "Why not ... Buy More?" Even Casey notices that Awesome's eyes seem to follow everyone who's watching. They're mesmerizing. Chuck's happy about this, plus they got $200,000 up front from Karl. But Sarah and Casey let him know that's basically gone: $150,000 to Verbanski Corp., $30,000 repairs to Wesley's house (what damage did they do there?), plus climbing gear, the bolt gun ... you get the picture. But optimistic Chuck says it's still a start.
Back at the apartments, Morgan comes out into the courtyard to apologize to Chuck. He says he's also sorry, and he called Casey and Sarah to help him, not hurt him. He acknowledges he's not the best handler yet. Morgan asks if he's not going to get to be a spy for awhile, and Chuck says he has all the potential in the world and it will happen. And Chuck's going to be with him every step of the way until he's ready. Morgan, who seems distant, says okay. But right now he's got to get to Alex's (she still exists? Who would know?). Chuck asks if he's still on for movie trilogy night, and Morgan's like, "Okay, whatever." Chuck asks if he wants to watch Star Wars or Die Hard (apparently the theme is actually "trilogies taken from longer series of which we only liked three movies"), and Morgan's like, "I don't know. Whatever. You decide. That's more your thing." Chuck looks puzzled. Casey comes out and asks Chuck if the Intersect's going to Morgan's head. Chuck says it might be, because he doesn't seem like himself. He tells him about Morgan not knowing who Indiana Jones was earlier, and now this: movie trilogy night. Chuck thinks maybe he's just distracted, but Casey says he better get his head on straight, and soon.
Chuck's running in the park, when Sarah approaches him. He says he didn't mean to wake her up, but she says she's used to this. "Us spies without the Intersect have to train." He asks if she asked him to handle Morgan because she was handling him. She says no. She wanted Morgan to have the best handler, and who better than Chuck? Also, Chuck doesn't need a handler anymore. Plus, handlers can't do this. She kisses Chuck, and runs off. He says that's not fair as he tries to keep up.
Casey's rehearsing a call to Gertrude, to ask her to dinner. He plans it out; it's perfectly casual. Then he dials. She answers, but he hangs up. She hangs up, too, and then apologizes to someone, who she assumes is here about the job opening. It's, of course, whiny baby Morgan. He assures her he's more than ready, and tells her he has something to offer that no one else can. He points to his head and says, "the Intersect." She says she's heard about it, but wasn't sure it really existed. He assures her it exists. She says she was wondering who the real Luke Skywalker was on their team, and it's good to finally know. He says he bets it is, but has one question: "Who's Luke Skywalker?" Uh-oh, Chuck fans. There's a problem with the Force.
week: Morgan's a traitor, who's gone so far as to "frost his tips." And it does not look good. Sarah calls someone to tell them the Intersect's malfunctioning in Morgan's brain. Sarah and Gertrude fight, and Morgan pulls a gun. Chuck tells him he's not a killer. A helicopter explodes, and Chuck saves Morgan.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, hopes this new path is the writers remembering Chuck's brain was supposed to be special. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.