'What the Hell Is Wrong With Him?'

S05E03

Morgan continues to be a complete asshat, working for Verbanski, getting frosted tips, and telling Chuck he's not his friend. If that's not bad enough, he tells everyone constantly how great he is at being a supercomputer robot Intersect. It's quite annoying, and had me wondering if the entire purpose of this season is to get viewers of the show to hate a) Morgan and b) the show. But a twist in the middle, where we find out General Redhead isn't the one who sent the Intersect glasses Morgan put on last season -- so they probably put something bad in his brain -- makes everyone feel a little sympathetic. Okay, not quite everyone. Casey's not quite over what a jerk Morgan's been to Alex, after all. But he still helps Sarah and Chuck try to save Morgan from himself.

They head to a rooftop where Morgan's headed, too (since Morgan stole the team's mission when he left them for Verbanski Corp.). They find Morgan there, and he's not himself. Luckily, though, Sarah talked to Ellie and knows that someone just needs to use Morgan's memories to bring him back to us. So Chuck does, and it pretty much miraculously makes him Morgan again, and he goes back to the team and everything. Which is pretty unbelievable and silly. But I'll take it over The Morgan Show! Unfortunately, at the end of the episode, General Redhead has more news for Chuck, but this time it's that Decker's put out a kill order on Morgan, since he's blabbing all over about being the Intersect. Chuck tries to call and alert Morgan to hide, but doesn't reach him. Someone plants a bomb on Morgan's new Verbanski-funded bike, which he's heading toward as the episode ends. But if you think he's going to get killed, I have some property to sell you.

Meanwhile, Awesome's starting his shift as stay-at-home dad with Clara, and he's pretty super at it. So super that he accomplishes a day's worth of stuff in forty-five minutes, and has nothing to do. So he and Clara go to the Buy More. He finds Jeff lying in a room full of auto fumes, and saves him. Then he checks him out fully and gives him a prescription to stop sleeping in his van. Jeff actually listens, and ends the episode a reasonable, intelligible, buttoned-down Buy More employee without frizzy hair! I don't know if he'll be as funny, but a shake-up was needed in the Buy More dynamic, so this'll do for now.

Chuck doesn't offer us a few things we might need to know this week. Instead, he says, "Hi, I'm Chuck, and here's what's been going on in my life lately." Verbanski is the competition. Morgan is the (annoying as hell) Intersect. Chuck is his handler. And it's not going well. In fact, Morgan offered himself and the Intersect up to Verbanski. Now: Casey and Sarah are on a mission. She's in the van, leading him on his way. It seems very serious and important, but it's ultimately just a way for him to meet Gertrude Verbanski. It's adorable, though, because Sarah keeps calling it "Intercept." And once he "accidentally bumps into" her, Sarah gives him information on Gertrude's favorite restaurant around the corner, and coaches him to ask her out. But he doesn't. Instead, he makes awkward small-talk, and then pats her even more awkwardly on the shoulder, and leaves. When Sarah wonders why he froze up, he informs her he planted a bug on her that piggy-backs off her cell phones Wi-Fi. Sarah thinks this is a weird move, but he asks her to just do him a favor and not tell Chuck or Morgan. Her lips are sealed.

Chuck and Morgan are in the Nerd Herd car in a parking garage. Morgan's playing Words With Friends, and apparently using the Intersect to do so. He starts pouting about how Chuck's using the world's greatest supercomputer to sit in a parking garage and wait. Chuck tells him he's starting to act like seventh-grade Morgan. Then someone pulls up, and Chuck gets out. It's General Redhead, who wants nothing to do with catch-up time. Instead, she wants him and his team to track down a guy named Mats Zorn, who runs a site that makes Wikileaks look like child's play. There's a reward for getting him and the documents he has, but she asks that no one breathe her name in association with it. Morgan peeks out of the Nerd Herd car and starts honking at her and commenting on how she's obviously been working out. She asks Chuck what's wrong with him, and Chuck says, "So many things." I feel that the point of this season so far has been to make us hate Morgan. (And sort of the show, too.) And it's working.

When Chuck arrives back at the apartment, Alex is waiting for Morgan in the courtyard. Chuck says he just dropped him off at Buy More, and he said he had a hot date. Alex gets teary-eyed, and asks Chuck if he'd tell him if Morgan were seeing someone else. He says he would, but doesn't think that's what's going on; Morgan's just going through a lot right now. He heads into Casey's apartment, and tells Sarah he locked up the driver General Redhead gave him with all the information about Zorn in Castle (you know, the place that everyone knows is there because they are terrible spies). He tells Sarah that Morgan went AWOL after her tried to have a heart to heart with him about being a total jackasshole. Then Chuck notices that Casey's surveilling someone, and when he realizes it's Verbanski, Casey tries to explain it away as business, but Chuck's all, "Perving out on Gertrude?" And Sarah's like, "Told you." Hee. Anyway, good thing Casey's a creeper because they see Morgan meet up with Gertrude and accept a job working for her. Casey seethes about the little traitor. And I just wonder what happened to the show I used to love. At least we still have Cake.

By DeAnn Welker

Sarah -- wearing skimpy pajamas, of course, because the people who make this show are living out their fantasies through Yvonne Strahovski -- finds Chuck in the kitchen worrying about Morgan. She says she knows it hurt him, but he lies that he's not hurt, just angry because Morgan just sold the Intersect to their rival. Sarah reminds him Morgan's also his best friend, and Chuck almost winces, but says he's trying not to think about that right now.

At the Awesome Abode, Ellie's getting ready to go back to work and is leaving instructions to take care of Clara. Awesome's like, "It's just feeding, burping and wiping. I think I got it, Babe." He tells Clara that her daddy climbed Matterhorn and was the only one who didn't lose a toe. Ellie's unimpressed. She says being with a baby is a different type of tough, so he should pace himself. She kisses them both goodbye. Awesome asks Clara what she wants to do first, since it's 9 AM. Montage of him sweeping, feeding Clara, doing the crossword with her, baking some bread and working out. Then they sit on the couch, and he tells her they should probably clean up before Mommy gets home. He looks at his watch, and it's only 9:45. He panics about what they're going to do with the rest of the day.

Buy More. A fancy space-age looking motorcycle thing drives in and Morgan gets out. Chuck asks him if he dyed his hair, but Morgan says no; he frosted his tips. "I think it makes my eyes pop." Still as insecure as ever, then. Chuck also notices his height and asks if he's wearing lifts. Morgan insist they're orthotics, for his posture. "And it's cool, because Cruise wears them." Maybe, but Cruise also does this. Does Morgan? (Maybe he could as the Intersect, but Tom Cruise does that stuff for real.) Anyway, Morgan hands Chuck his three-week notice, which is backdated three weeks. Morgan says he knew Chuck would take this whole thing and make it all personal. Chuck pleads that it's not personal; their business needs him. Morgan is all, "Yeah, whatever," and he's just here to get his stuff. Casey and Sarah are waiting in Morgan's office to accost him about leaving. I mean, why on earth do they care? Oh, right, Intersect. But he's not even good at it. He's ridiculous. I really think I'd let him go without complaint at this point. In fact, right now, it might improve the show. Casey tells him he's not letting him date his daughter, so Morgan texts Alex to break up with her. Casey is pissed.

So pissed that in the scene, he's asking Alex if she wants him to kill Morgan, because he will. She cries that she doesn't want him to hurt Morgan; she loves him. She just doesn't understand how he could be so awful. She wants the old Morgan back, you know? Yes, Alex, we all know. Casey tells her that he understands because "we Caseys" (isn't that a cover name for his real one, Alexander Coburn? And not her name at all? SO confusing) don't like to open up, and when they do it can really hurt to have your heart stomped on. He hugs her and tells her he's always here for her and always will be. Please don't let that be some sort of ominous foreshadowing of Casey's death.

Awesome and Clara are watching TV at home when Awesome's Buy More commercial comes on. And Awesome thinks "he's right," they should go to the Buy More. "The backup juicer's probably on its last legs." That way they can kill a couple hours.

Castle. Sarah thinks there's something actually wrong with Sarah, but Chuck says the Intersect has just pushed him to the dark side. Sarah: "He doesn't have a dark side." But Chuck says this is like middle school all over again. Apparently, in seventh grade, he grew a moustache before anyone else could. "Like a miniature Tom Selleck." He was sarcastic and mean, until Meredith Lester showed up. Sarah, puzzled: "And she grew a moustache too?" Chuck, equally puzzled at Sarah's deduction skills, says she pantsed Morgan in front of the whole school, and he went back to being a dork and Chuck's friend by the end of the day. He says this is what they need to do. Sarah's like, "You're going to drop Morgan's pants?" Chuck says that, metaphorically, that's exactly right. They will finish the mission for General Redhead, show Verbanski Morgan's not as cool as he thinks... Sarah finishes for him: "And you'll be best friends by the end of the day?" Chuck: "Exactly." Chuck opens the safe and finds the drive is gone. Morgan took the mission to Verbanski Corp. "Morgan just pantsed us!" Chuck and Casey get their guns drawn, and Sarah's confused as to what they're doing. Chuck: "We're taking down our competition." Yes! Someone please shoot Morgan!

Awesome shows up at the Buy More, and notices there are no employees anywhere. Just lots of customers. He noticed Jeff in a backroom under his van, working on it while it's running. There's all sorts of exhaust in the room, and Jeff's basically passed out. Awesome finds Lester, and tells him to guard this child with his life. Lester gets very Gollum about Clara, all "Ooh! The chosen one!" Awesome runs into the back room, turns off the car and pulls Jeff out into the clear. Lester's creeping Clara out, telling her he's going to eat her chubby little cheeks. Awesome tells him to stop scaring her. Awesome asks Jeff if he's ever heard of carbon monoxide, and that he can't leave his engine running. But Lester says he has to or he can't start it up again. Also, Jeff says, the engine noise helps him sleep. Awesome's like, "Are you telling me you sleep in your van with the engine running?" He tells Jeff to see a doctor, or just give him a call and he'll give him a quick consult. He thinks he may have damaged his brain. You think?! Lester coos at Clara that "Jeffrey doesn't have a brain." Lester tries to keep Clara when Awesome takes her away. Then Lester tells Jeff that his biological clock is tick-tocking.

Verbanski Corp. Fancy training is happening in a giant cement compound when Sarah, Chuck and Casey break into the place. Sarah thinks this is all about their personal revenge instead of about getting their Intersect back from Verbanski. Casey plans to infiltrate Gertrude's office to get the drive with the Zorn information while Chuck and Sarah grab uniforms off some guys they tranqued so they can keep a watch and monitor the guards. Chuck and Sarah hole up and access the system, so they open doors and tell Casey where to go through their magical watches and, I guess, earpieces. Casey gets into Gertrude's office and sees a box of cigars. He also notices the gun Gertrude took from him. Oh, and a framed picture of Ronald Reagan. Can anyone say, "soulmates"? Chuck and Sarah remind him they're on a bit of a schedule here. Casey finally starts looking for the drive, and finds a safe hidden behind a painting.

But Gertrude, Morgan and Morgan's personal assistant are on their way. Luckily, Morgan spits out his coffee and yells at his assistant -- trained at Harvard -- buying Casey a little time. Casey gets it open and gets the drive just in time and hides in Gertrude's office. She can immediately sense something's up, so she lets Morgan go to training (which he teaches) instead of doing the mission briefing. Chuck and Sarah almost get caught by some guard, but he just wants to tell Chuck -- blue team uniform -- that he needs to get to class. Gertrude finds Casey and asks if that's a zip drive in his pocket or if he's just excited to see him. He says he's here because she stole "our mission. And our moron." She calls him on following her downtown working up the nerve to ask him out.

Morgan teaches class. His method is to point to someone and have them try to take him down. Then he "zooms" and takes them out. One by one, with Chuck glaring on from behind his protective boxing facemask. Gertrude and Casey, meanwhile, flirt and fight. Carrie-Anne Moss and Adam Baldwin actually have quite a lot of chemistry. I'm liking this. She asks him if this was enough foreplay, but he handcuffs her to her desk and tells her to get over herself. Then he takes his gun back off her display shelf, and leaves. Morgan continues to fight everyone, leaving Chuck as the last one standing. Morgan asks him what he's waiting for, "Princess," and says he'll be gentle. But Chuck can sort of see his moves coming, so Morgan says, "The master has taught you well." Chuck takes off his mask and says he is the master. Then he calls Morgan "Gollum" about his precious Intersect, but we all know Morgan won't even get that. Morgan says Chuck's just jealous that he's a better spy and Intersect than Chuck ever was. Chuck says they're friends, so he'll give Morgan a chance here, but Morgan says that's just the thing: "We are not friends."

After a commercial break, we're back in the same scene, only they have Morgan repeat it in case someone didn't see what came before the commercial. Casey and Sarah come up behind Morgan as Gertrude yells over the intercom for Grimes to secure the zip drive. Morgan turns and tells Casey and Sarah to hand it over. Casey laughs no, and Morgan tells him to remember what he's capable of. He "zooms" and dodges all their tranq bullets, Matrix-style. So Chuck pantses him, giving Casey and Sarah a chance to land a tranq dart. Humiliation and tranquing? Awesome!

Back at Castle, Chuck and Casey work up a plan for getting Zorn and the documents, but Sarah wants to talk about Morgan and Gertrude. Casey says Gertrude's dead to him, but Sarah watched what happened in the office so clearly he still has feelings. She tells Chuck to admit this is more than an ego thing; what if Morgan needs help? Chuck says it's pure seventh-grade Morgan, and how is he supposed to help him if they're not friends anymore?

In a backroom at the Buy More, Awesome checks out Jeff, who can't remember the last time he saw a doctor. "When was the last time I got something stuck up in me?" Ew. He asks Jeff is he has trouble focusing, and Jeff starts banging on Awesome's stethoscope. Awesome marks that as a yes. Jeff asks if he has any short-term memory problems, and Jeff asks if Awesome knows he's "cha-cha" under his gown. He starts to lift it, and Awesome tells him to keep it down. He asks if Jeff has any trouble performing at work, then says he's got that one and marks it as a yes. He writes Jeff a prescription. Jeff's excited for pills, but the script just says: "Stop sleeping in your van." Doctor's orders. Jeff pouts.

Sarah meets Ellie for lunch to talk about the Intersect. Ellie says it's acting differently in Morgan's head because it's a different program. Oh, really? So Chuck's brain wasn't special?! I'm so confused by this show's continuity (or lack thereof). Ellie says that if Sarah thinks there's something wrong, they should have someone remove the Intersect. Right, because that's so easy. Sarah says she doesn't think Morgan's going to go for that, but Ellie says they should try to appeal to his memory to get through to him. It doesn't return temporal lobe patients to normal, but helps them cut through the fog. Sarah leaves Ellie and calls General Redhead, who assumes this is about Zorn. But Sarah tells her instead that the Intersect is malfunctioning in Morgan. She explains that Morgan put on the glasses General Redhead sent to Chuck, but General Redhead never sent any Intersect glasses. Uh-oh.

Sarah shows up at Castle and fills Casey and Chuck in that the Intersect wasn't from General Redhead. She says it must be from Decker or someone else in the CIA. Chuck's like, "Why would anyone want to hurt Morgan?" And Casey's like, "You. It was meant for you." She fills them in on her conversation with Ellie, too. Chuck can't believe he didn't see this earlier; this isn't just seventh-grade Morgan. According to General Redhead, Morgan's still tracking Zorn. Casey calls him a "snake in the grass" for copying the zip drive, but responds, grudgingly, "Right, it's not his fault" when Sarah and Chuck glare. They're all headed that way anyway, to get Zorn. Now Chuck wants to save Morgan. Casey: "If we must."

When they arrive at the roof where Zorn's helicopter is expected, Sarah, Casey and Chuck are all dressed like they work on an airplane (do people dress like this for helicopter work?). They don't see Morgan, so Casey says maybe he betrayed his team, too. "He left Alex." Chuck reminds Casey his brain is breaking down and it's not his fault. Something tells me Casey's not forgiving what he did to Alex that easily. A helicopter lands and Team Bartowski hides. It's Verbanski and Morgan, here to steal their business. But Chuck says this isn't about business. He stands up and reveals himself. He tells Sarah he's going to talk to his friend. He approaches, but Verbanski and their third guy pull guns on him. Sarah gets up and points guns at them. Morgan and Chuck bicker about the pantsing/tranquing incident, which is when Zorn and his guards come up onto the roof. Sarah and Verbanski fight over Zorn, who's like, "Ladies, please don't fight," then slinks away. He should just run at this point. Morgan and Chuck fight about the Intersect. Morgan won't believe it's a bad Intersect; he thinks Chuck just can't handle being the dorky sidekick. Chuck tells Morgan the Intersect is why he's not acting like himself. Morgan wonders why he'd want to act like himself; does Chuck even remember him? Chuck: "Yes, Morgan! Do you?"

Zorn followed my advice and ran to the helicopter, which he starts up. It stops all the fights, at least -- even Casey's boring one with the guy we don't know. Morgan pulls a real gun, and shoots the helicopter's gas tank, then points it at Zorn. Chuck tells him he's not a killer, but Morgan asks how Chuck would know. Sarah says, "Because you got pantsed by Meredith Lester in seventh grade. Chuck, you've got to unlock his memory." Morgan says he doesn't even remember seventh grade. Chuck tells him to put the gun down and try to remember. But Morgan asks why he'd want to remember being humiliated by some stupid girl. Chuck says then he'd remember how they got back at her. He says he's his best friend, and always has been. "Who else would have helped you stand up to the queen of eighth grade?" Morgan turns and looks at Chuck, and asks what they did. Chuck says they stole Meredith's ham sandwich. Morgan remembers they spiced it up somehow but can't remember how. He finally remembers they shaved off his first moustache and sprinkled it on her sandwich. Chuck tells him that's who he is, and Morgan agrees that's who he is. Zorn asks them to please take him to jail, because they're all a bunch of maniacs. Sarah and Gertrude decide to work together and split the bounty.

By DeAnn Welker

Morgan quits working for Verbanski as the gas from the helicopter tank finally reaches the light on the roof. A fire starts up, with Morgan and Gertrude between the flames and the plane. Casey says the auxiliary tank's going to blow the whole roof. Chuck and Casey both dash through the flames to save their chosen ones, despite Sarah's protests. Casey carries Gertrude out all romantic-like, and Chuck has Morgan flung across his back. But they get them to safety right before the helicopter explodes. Gertrude tells Casey she knew he was into her. He tells her to shut up, and they kiss. Sarah's thankful Chuck and Morgan are okay. Morgan asks Chuck if they're still friends, and Chuck laughs no. Then he says of course. Morgan thanks Chuck for saving him, and Chuck says, "Anytime." Even without the Intersect, Chuck's way cooler and more heroic than Morgan could ever be.

Castle. Casey's choosing which gun to take on his date with Gertrude, which is adorable and hilarious. He decides to take both the rugged and dependable Smith & Wesson and the cool and sophisticated Sig. Their date's at a gun range, which Sarah thinks Gertrude will love. He asks her if she wants to tag along and follow in the van, since he's wired for sound. He just cannot stop being on a mission, I guess. Chuck comes in with a check from the government for completing their mission. It's more than $2 million. And Chuck says it's just the beginning since Carmichael Industries has a new lease on life. Well, I think they probably need to get the Intersect out of Chuck's head first.

1980s sitcom music plays as a clean-cut Jeff (no frizzy hair, even) walks into the Buy More. Lester wants $20 to taser one of their co-worker's nads. But Jeff, eloquent, says he won't be party to the reckless endangerment of a co-worker and friend. Lester asks if Jeff's high, but Jeff says that he's seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go put my quinoa salad in the fridge." Lester's completely baffled. I think this will be a fun change if the show sticks it out.

By DeAnn Welker

At the Awesome Abode, Awesome checks out Morgan, whose vitals look fine. (The hair, on the other hand...) Morgan says he hasn't been acting fine, but Awesome says he knows a very good brain doctor. Morgan says he wants this thing out of his head, but part of him will kind of miss it since he was a supercool superspy. Now he goes back to being a schmuck who works at the Buy More. Awesome relates. He says that he lost his identity when he first became a stay-at-home dad. He advises Morgan not to confuse his job with his life. Morgan thanks him, then goes to Casey's to apologize for everything -- especially what he did to Alex -- and see if they can still live together. Casey gives him his Star Wars blanket and shuts the door in his face. So he goes to Chuck and Sarah's and says he might crash in Jeff's van now that he's not using it. He says he'll be all right, but Sarah's like, "Absolutely not. You're going to stay with us." He doesn't know what to say, so Chuck asks him to say he'll lose the frosted tips.

General Redhead calls Chuck, and he heads to meet her in the parking garage. He's alone this time, which is good, because she tells him there's a kill order on Morgan. The CIA doesn't like that he told everyone he had the Intersect. She says this goes way above his head, so Chuck knows it's Decker. General Redhead tells him to get Morgan off the street. "Protect your friend, Chuck." He tries to call Morgan, but Morgan's in the shower so he misses the call. Outside, someone plants a bomb (or some beeping device) on the bottom of Morgan's fancy motorbike thing, as he walks outside, heading toward it. I still wouldn't mind.

week: Chuck tells Decker to call it off, since Morgan's Intersect-free. But Decker can't call all the orders back, so Chuck pretends he's Morgan. Then Decker shows up looking for Casey, in what announcer guy tells us is "one disturbing twist." Hey, is it finally getting good? Can't wait for that.

DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, thinks it should have been more difficult to get Morgan back to himself. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.