Chechnya, 2004. Casey wakes up to find what appears to be his special lady friend getting dressed, seductively donning a necklace he gave her. Casey is fully clothed, which is annoying, and which doesn't help his cause when he tries to get Special Lady Friend to come back to bed. She says it's tempting, but she has to go...right after she calls Casey "Sugar Bear," then gives us some exposition about how she's a photojournalist and Casey is posing as an energy consultant.
Down on the street, SLF is wandering about in her equipment-jacket-and-camera ensemble, looking for journalism to photograph, when a bomb explodes. Casey, startled out of bed, runs downstairs to survey the damage. Survivors, their faces cosmetically streaked with ash and bomb grime, huddle in the foreground; errr-eeee-errr-eeee European-style sirens go off in the background; Casey spots the melted remains of SLF's camera on the ground. He picks it up and stares at it.
Slow fade to Casey, staring with an even more woebegone expression at a digital camera while a Buy More customer testily tries to get his attention. Casey snaps out of it and grits that he can't offer a refund, and the customer calls Casey, among other things, impotent and an oaf, and flicks his nametag. From the Nerd Herd desk, Chuck spots Casey's brow lowering, and rushes over to avert a civilian casualty.
Supply cage. Jeff is supposed to be fixing the Grand Seville Hotel's computer, but instead is perusing their guest records for the purposes of finding Tara Reid's phone number. Chuck's like, 1) illegal, 2) gross, 3) who doesn't have her phone number, and spins Jeff out of the cage on his roll-y office chair as Jeff wails, "Taraaaaaaaaaaa!" Heh. Chuck is straightening away the desktop when he flashes on a name in the database: Dmitri Siljak, an arms dealer. He starts to write the name down, but pretty soon he's flashing on a bunch of other Russian/Chechen names on the guest list. He dutifully writes all those down too, musing that he'll have a headache tomorrow, and then flashes on one last name: Ilsa Trinchina. Ilsa is, of course, Special Lady Friend, and Ilsa's blipvert contains mostly images of her and Casey making out (hee), and a scrap of paper in a lady's handwriting that reads "Sugar Bear." Once Chuck has processed who she is, a wicked grin begins to creep across his face: "Sugar Bear's girlfriend's in town!"
In a back hallway of the Buy More, Chuck alerts Casey to the criminal "douchebag convention" going down at the Grand Seville. Casey's about to go tell Command what's up, but Chuck can't resist adding that he also saw Ilsa's name; nor can he resist calling Casey "Sugar Bear," which gets him throttled briefly before Casey stalks off. We go to credits on a super-long shot of Chuck flopping down on the floor and tipping over on his side. Heh. I've missed you, show.
After the credits, Chuck's over at the wiener shack, filling Sarah in (but not before Sarah offers him their newest product, a breakfast-sausage/pancake/syrup-on-a-stick thing that actually sounds really delicious). Chuck says it must have been a bad break-up given the finger bruises still forming on his neck, then says he always thought Casey was a Ken doll, "you know, downstairs," and Sarah's like, I don't know who would go out with that guy. Uh, this Sarah would, and she'd have to get in line behind the Couch Baron, but anyway, Chuck wants Sarah to help him out with info on Ilsa. Sarah's like, you want me to go behind Casey's back and snoop for you? Chuck's like, obviously, plus you know you're totally curious yourself.
Buy More. Ellie is at the Herd desk, getting eye-fondled by Jeff and Lester, but Morgan rescues her (and Captain Awesome) to help them pick out an anniversary gift -- they're buying one joint big one, instead of two small ones. "Awesome, right?" Ellie perks. "It gives me a chill when you say it, babe," Awesome chuckles. Hee. Alas, they don't agree on what to get -- Ellie wants a big-screen TV ("Think of all the things we can watch!"), while Awesome wants a washer-dryer set ("Think of all the things we can wash!").
Cut to the employees' lounge, where Ellie and Awesome are seated in a couples-counseling arrangement; Morgan, facing them, uses his best therapist voice to elicit that each wants his or her purchase to let them spend more time together, but before they can work it out, Ellie gets beeped and has to go. She tells him to surprise her. Awesome pouts.
At...Casey's apartment, I guess? Command is on the video link, telling Chuck and Sarah to infiltrate the arms-dealer cocktail party at the Grand Seville that night. When the call ends, Chuck gives Casey a little shit about stopping by to see Ilsa; he stomps off, and Sarah chastises Chuck: "Ilsa's dead!" Oh, Sarah. We didn't see a body! Don't you watch soaps?
Cocktail party. Sarah is explaining to Chuck that someone is probably traveling under Ilsa's name fake passport blah. Chuck has to pose as a waiter, which he grouses about, but as he's heading into the celebration with a tray of vodka, a Russian hit man mistakes him for his cousin Sasha, and makes him dance. Chuck is a little overwhelmed, but not so much that he can't make a Baryshnikov/White Nights joke; meanwhile, Sarah dispenses with a sleazy ass-grabber by twisting his arm almost off his shoulder. Chuck, babbling about how "weeeee're in a circle!" during the Russian conga, spots a very-much-alive Ilsa seated nearby, and tries gesturing about it to Sarah, but the hit man is like, "You like blonde!" and grabs Sarah up into the dance circle, where she confirms with Chuck that it's really Ilsa, then calls Casey to come extract them. He's en route when he spots Ilsa too. After an ex-lovers stare-off, he asks how she's alive; by way of "answer," she says she's so sorry -- she woke up in a hospital in Grozny with amnesia, et cetera. "But I never forgot your face," she says, and points to her necklace, which is the one he gave her.
Chuck and Sarah extract themselves from the bunny hop and see Casey talking to Ilsa; Sarah wants to put a stop to it because Casey's cover is blown, but Chuck says to give the guy a break, he thought Ilsa was dead. Then a Russian guy gets up on the bar to give a speech, and Chuck flashes on him: Victor Federov, a connected Russian oligarch who's the reason behind the Mafiya-fest. As Casey is asking Ilsa what she's doing in L.A., Victor is introducing Ilsa to the crowd -- as his fiancée. Dun! Casey looks pained. Aw. Adam Baldwin is such a good actor, which you sometimes forget because he's playing kind of a one-note brute on this show. A hilarious one-note brute, but still.
I don't know why it's funny to me that they're advertising a digital pregnancy test during Chuck, but it is.
The day at Buy More, Chuck tries to get Casey to open up about the Ilsa situation; Casey's not having it, to the point of putting pricing tape over Chuck's mouth.
Meanwhile, Sarah lurks the halls of the Grand Seville in a cute cap-sleeved top. She breaks into the employee locker room.
On lunch break, Chuck continues to press. Casey's like, why do you care about me and Ilsa? Chuck says that if Casey can find love, so can Chuck ("no offense"), and then gets mad and bitches at Casey to keep tight-lippedly protecting the greater good, then, "ya frickin' robot." He gets up to storm off, but for some out-of-character reason, this psych-out works on Casey, who admits, "I met her in a flower market. In Rome. Ilsa was...the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen." "I knew it," Chuck murmurs, then yells out, "It's aliiiiiiiiiiiiive!" Hee.
Sarah burgles a locker and changes into a hotel uniform. The camera lingers on her black bra Cinemaxishly. I understand playing to the demo, but that was kind of ick.
Elliehaus. Awesome went with the washer-dryer. Morgan's not sure she's going to be cool with that, and sure enough, when she gets home, Ellie's pissed. Awesome says she told him to surprise her, and she's like, "You getting what you want is not 'a surprise,'" and bitches about how, whatever cultured thing she wants to do, he'd rather do something sportsy instead. Awesome's like, "It's just a washer-dryer," but Ellie says it isn't; it's about what it represents. Dr. Morgan points out that maybe Awesome goes on all his X-treme adventures because he fears intimacy; Awesome denies it, but Ellie doesn't want to build a future with "a giant, muscle-y child," and stomps out.
Buy More. Chuck wants Casey to fight for his love for Ilsa. Casey's like, pass, she's marrying a Russian mobster. Chuck points out that Ilsa didn't know what Casey really did for a living; maybe she doesn't know what Victor really does either.
Cut to the Grand Seville, where the usual roles are reversed, Casey wanting to bail, Chuck saying they can't. Heading towards a ballroom of some sort, they run into Sarah in her room-service-waitress drag, and Chuck lies that he made Casey bring him down to the hotel so he could maybe flash on some stuff. She chooses to believe this, and escorts them into her little lair to show them that she's 1) tapped into hotel surveillance, and 2) is about to deliver a bug to the bridal suite on a room-service tray.
Later, Casey and Chuck stare dully at the monitors, but then Chuck spots Ilsa, alone at the bar the night before her wedding. He gives Casey the hard sell about going to talk to her, not regretting what he didn't say, et cetera.
Sarah's en route to the bridal suite when she sees Mr. Grabby from the night before, his hand bandaged, talking on a walkie. She tries to duck his notice, but he makes her, so she has to knock him out; she radios Casey that he'll have to deliver the bug. Casey of course is out pleading his troth to Ilsa, so Chuck does a gurgly Casey imitation to say he copies that, and heads upstairs. Finding the room key in the sugar packets, he lets himself into the suite and starts hunting around for a spot to place the bug.
Sarah drags Mr. Grabby into their surveillance lair...and finds no one there. She rolls her eyes and keeps dragging Mr. Grabby. On the screen behind her is a super-close-up of Chuck's nostrils as he places the bug, which he's fussing about; then he gets distracted by a briefcase on a nearby table, which he rifles through, and when he gets to a document on Ilsa, he gets hit with a confusing blipvert. Before he can process it, he hears voices returning to the room, and we see Ilsa let herself in, check the room, and lead a man inside. The camera pans down to Chuck hiding under the bed before we can see who the man is, and all we see is feet as Ilsa and the man stumble further into the room, murmuring to each other sexily, but...Chuck is under the bed. Clearly it's Casey, and clearly he and Ilsa are going to do the Sealy-Serta samba while Chuck is trapped under there, and sure enough, that's what starts to happen -- until Sarah rings Chuck's phone. The sound of the Mexican Hat Dance ringtone (hee) stops the fun on the mattress; Casey grunts, "Bartowski!" and leans down to ask what the hell Chuck's doing there. Chuck whispers that Ilsa "is a very bad girl," so Casey draws his gun...too late, since Ilsa already has a pistol on him: "Drop the gun, Sugar Bear." Chuck: "See?"
Back from the break, Ilsa still has the gun on Casey. It comes out that she's actually French Secret Service, and she and Casey snipe at each other about their respective spy-lie cover stories, but the unhappy reunion is interrupted by Victor calling for Ilsa from outside. She tells the guys to hide, which they do...under the bed. Victor staggers in, slurs that he wants to start the honeymoon early, and promptly passes out on top of Ilsa, who tells Casey and Chuck to beat feet.
Buy More back room. Awesome has joined the staff poker game, which includes a curly-haired dude I don't think we've seen before, and no Anna. Lester: "Ahhh, the doghouse. Been there many a time, my friend." Jeff: "No you haven't." Heh. Awesome says he and Ellie are just going through a rough patch, but Lester starts telling him something he knows from personal experience (Jeff: "No you don't." Heh.) -- he doesn't need a woman tying him down. Jeff hands him a giant cigar. Awesome wins the hand, then looks on in terror when everyone else gets up and peels off clothing -- apparently it's strip poker. Hee! Awesome flees the room.
In the lounge, Casablanca is on the LCD as Casey lies on the couch, rubbing his forehead. Enter Chuck, needing to talk to Casey. Casey explains at some length that he doesn't want to discuss it, Ilsa is dead to him, et cetera, so of course Chuck tells him that said "dead lady" has come to see him. Ingrid Bergman looks aggrieved in the background as Casey starts out giving Ilsa shit; he softens a bit when she says that the engagement is just cover, and she's been tracking Victor since a series of train bombings in Paris (...of course) five years ago, but then he gets kind of mad again because she couldn't get to the information except by having sex with the guy: "How French. If you even are French." Casey threatens to call the feds and have the whole lot of Russians locked up, but Ilsa knows he won't do it: "That would be unprofessional. And that's not you." She wishes things could be different. He's mustering up the courage to tell her something, but she hands him the necklace and says goodbye. Chuck sees Ilsa leave and looks worried.
Chuck finds Casey at his apartment, shirt open (thanks, show!), drinking scotch and listening to Neil Diamond's "Love On The Rocks." Ha! Casey makes cynical "guess I dodged another bullet noises," and bags on the whole suburban lifestyle. Chuck isn't convinced by this display of contempt. Casey non-admits that he does what he does so that "all those other slobs out there" can have that suburban dream. Chuck asks what Casey's dream is, and Casey says Chuck's looking at it, and takes a big bite of what appears to be a giant burrito (?).
Sarah comes looking for Chuck, but finds only Ellie with a snootful of red wine, pretending to be all girl-power about hanging out alone, but she quickly breaks down about how she doesn't think Awesome is in their relationship with both feet. Sarah's like, all righty then.
Casey whaps down the necklace, slurring about how it's "a cheap trinket" he bought for Ilsa, and it comes apart and a bug comes out of it...which means Victor heard their conversations, and now knows she's an agent. Casey leaps up and starts getting his stuff together to stop the wedding; Chuck's like, no no no, don't drink and spy, but Casey just tells him to drive and lurches out of frame, calling out, "I need pants!" Hee! But: no you don't (tm Jeff).
As Sarah babysits Ellie, she gets a call from Chuck, who's chasing after Casey. Ellie doesn't want her to leave, but she has to, and when she opens the door, she finds Morgan, whom she hands Ellie off to. Big mistake, since Ellie's all Merlot maudlin and susceptible; she snuggles up to Morgan and falls right to sleep on his shoulder. He tries, in vain, to haul her to bed.
Hotel. Casey and Chuck approach the bridal suite; they hear scuffling, and barge in -- to find three tuxedoed Russians holding guns on them. They're tied up back to back, and Victor drops a little Talking Killer science on them, saying he was touched by what he overheard of Casey and Ilsa's farewell, and offering to send the two of them on his honeymoon instead of going himself. Chuck is confused until it becomes clear that Victor plans to put them all (including Chuck, posed as a "man stewardess," hee) on a plane -- and crash it. Victor leaves to get married while a couple of goons watch his prisoners.
Downstairs, Sarah arrives and scans the wedding guests.
Chuck whimpers that he doesn't want to die, especially not as a man stewardess. Casey has a plan to get them out with "acceptable losses," but Chuck is not comforted by Casey's concept of "acceptable," which covers some puncture wounds and possibly an amputation but no dying.
Sarah, casing the joint and making a call.
Upstairs, Casey puts his plan in motion.
Downstairs, the Mexican Hat Dance ringtone comes from the pocket of a goon among the guests. He gets up to leave. Sarah glares.
Casey is taunting the guard goons, and when one of them stomps over, Casey head-butts him. Fight sequence, featuring Casey and Chuck tied together like a giant kung-fu spider; Casey's doing most of the heavy lifting, but Chuck gets off a kick or two and is like, "How you like me now, suck-ahhh!" Downstairs, Sarah demands Chuck's location from the wedding goon, but before he can answer, the fight moves over to the balcony of the room, and Chuck and Casey are about to get pitched into the pool; Sarah hears the hollering and spots them juuuuust as they go over the side and fall nine stories into the drink. The entire wedding is like, okay then. Sarah boots the goon in the face just on general principles.
"Love On The Rocks" starts up again as Chuck and Casey surface in slo-mo, whipping water out of their hair in an arc of droplets (brilliant). A drenched Casey hauls himself out of the pool and, in front of the staring guests, gives Ilsa The Look. She returns it. Then the spell is broken by most of the front row standing up and training guns on Casey, who hopes he's "not too late to object to this union." Victor gives what sounds like an order to "strangle them." Sarah starts up the aisle, gun out, saying this isn't happening. Victor: "Who's going to stop me -- a little girl with a gun?" Sarah looks at the array of front-row firepower, raises her hands, and puts her gun on the ground. Chuck's like, eek, this is bad, and all the guns move over to point at him, at which time Sarah moves the gun onto her foot and kicks it to Ilsa while grabbing another firearm from a nearby guest (?). Ilsa cocks Sarah's gun at Victor: "Try two little girls." Hot! Casey: "She looks good with a gun." Ilsa: "[Smolder.]" I hear that, sister.
Ellie wakes up to find Morgan spooning on her, and shoots out of bed, shrieking. Half-asleep Morgan mutters something about having his headgear on (heh). Ellie demands six aspirin, and Morgan reassures her that nothing untoward happened, although he wishes otherwise; they share a hug, which naturally Awesome walks in on. Morgan splutters, then holds his hands over his face in anticipation of a beating, but Awesome absently moves Morgan to one side (snick) and invites Ellie out to the living room to see...the giant TV he installed over the mantel. They kiss and make up. Morgan gets kind of offended that Awesome doesn't think anything happened between him and Ellie.
Elsewhere, Chuck sees Ilsa and Casey walking in the courtyard, and crawls over to the window to spy on them. They totally see him. Hee. There's a little small talk about Victor's extradition before Casey and Ilsa finally share a wicked-hot kiss, which Chuck observes with glee. As she leaves, Casey tells her, "Just so you know: I'm happy you're not dead." Aw, what a softie. Chuck clambers out the window to congratulate him, saying, "So, you got yourself a new special lady friend or what?" I swear I didn't know he was going to use that term, because I didn't watch the ep before I started the weecap. Great minds think alike! Casey says that Ilsa's going back undercover. Chuck thinks that sucks. "Spy's life, Chuck," Casey grits. Chuck tells Casey that at least he'll always have Chuck. Casey's like, that's "great," and heads for his apartment. Chuck, slinging an arm around him, makes the "we'll always have Paris" Casablanca reference more explicit by saying he thinks it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship, at which time Casey, predictably, shoves Chuck into a planter and slams the door. Fade to black as Chuck gurgles, "Or not."