In Finland, some large crates are being crane-loaded in somewhere, and there's a bomb in one of them. Or it looks like there's a bomb, at least, by the digital timer that's ticking down just under seventy-three hours to go.
At Buy More, Morgan wants to have a food and Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare evening with Chuck, but Chuck has plans, although not with Sarah. Chuck takes great pleasure in telling Morgan that he broke up with Sarah because she's not the right girl. Sarah then comes in and beckons for Chuck to join her for a conversation; while he obliges, the male nerds make it clear that the notion of a willing girl that doesn't qualify as a "right girl" makes no sense to them. I don't know how you're single, boys -- any girl would beat a path to your door once she knew that a pair of boobs is all you're looking for.
In the TV room, Sarah is telling Chuck that she's sorry if he thought there was something between them, but that kind of misconception is very common in their type of situation. Chuck is unmoved, so Sarah tells him if he's serious about their fake-breakup, she's going to have to for-real sell it. She turns on the waterworks, although to me, it just looks like she's having an allergy attack. Not that those can't be highly unpleasant. Chuck kind of doesn't get it here, but Sarah marches out tearily past Lester and Jeff, who fist-bop each other over Chuck's seeming love-'em-and-leave-'em ways; Lester then rushes over and asks if Chuck minds if he takes a crack at Sarah. Chuck's too nice to do anything but tell Lester to knock himself out, and then Morgan runs up and is thrilled to learn Chuck has another date already, and asks with whom. Chuck says that it's just with a deli owner, and Morgan responds, "Wait a minute. A pro?" Heh.
A closeup of the deli counter gives way to Lou asking who ordered the sandwich she's holding; she then sees Chuck and they wave adorably at each other. Summer Roberts was one of my favorite characters ever, so I'm just tickled pink about this cast...
...but the NSA general is less so, as she's telling Sarah and Casey she doesn't like the idea of Sarah and Chuck's breakup at all. Casey gloats that Sarah got dumped, and Sarah explains that "they" decided it would be best for Chuck to date a civilian. "It will help secure his cover in the event that someone IDs me." Casey: "Yeah, because she got dumped." Hee. I'll tell you that this is actually not my favorite episode -- too flat and predictable in a lot of spots -- but Casey is absolutely on fire tonight. The general thinks it's suspicious that someone up and started dating "the asset," and Sarah has to pipe up that he's a "reasonably charming guy." No argument here, probably because no argument is possible. The general wants to know everything there is to know about Lou "before she gets too close."
Predictable cut to Lou and Chuck making out in his car. I will say, though, that if she's un-self-conscious enough that she's willing to go for it in a vehicle with "NERD HERD" emblazoned on it, she gets points in an already-full plus column. Chuck finally has to put down the window to clear the steamy air, and I know I'm supposed to be rooting for Chuck and Sarah to get together, and I kind of am, but I'm sorry, as long as Rachel Bilson sticks around, she totally rules my heart. Lou says she doesn't usually do this, but would Chuck like to come inside? Oh, he would, and she says she's about to make him a very happy man...
...and I knew where this was going before we even cut to the shop, but first we hear Chuck groaning in satisfaction, and then we pan sideways to see him eating a large sandwich. Funny enough, but, like I said: predictable. However, things change when Chuck looks over at the bulletin board and sees a flyer for a place called "Club Ares" with the name "Stavros Demetrios" on it; he flashes to a Homeland Security file that identifies Stavros as a smuggler. Chuck asks Lou about it, and after a little hemming and hawing, she admits that Stavros is her ex-boyfriend, and he owns the place; also, he's kind of the insanely jealous type. "Believe me, the last thing you want is that lunatic swimming around in your head. In a file that you downloaded from the CIA." Well, not really, but it's about the only way that line could have been more on-the-nose. Credits.
The three operatives (I'm lumping Chuck in there from now on; it's easier) are getting a briefing about Stavros; he's a "handsome" (having seen him at this point, I'm thinking it's been a while for the General) playboy who owns a bunch of L.A. clubs, and is the son of "Yari Demetrios," the shipping magnate. Also, they know that a volatile package is on its way to L.A., and the cargo is time-sensitive, which, given the Demetrios's connections to the Middle East, could definitely indicate a weapon. Sarah tells Chuck they'll need him to get as close to Stavros as possible. Three-way it is, then. Chuck doesn't want to drag Lou into it, but is overruled.
Lester and Jeff are standing too close for comfort. Well, my comfort, anyway, which is all that matters, especially since Jeff is checking Lester's breath to make sure it's up to code. I have a feeling that's like consulting Gilbert Gottfried to make sure your voice isn't too annoying, but I suppose the fact he's trying at all is more than we might have expected. When Lester's gone, Morgan complains to Jeff that they're stuck with no one, but Jeff says he going to "tag" Anna, the Asian chick who shows up every once in a while. Unfortunately for Jeff, one of those times is right now, as she whirls around in a nearby chair and says he makes her sick, and she'd rather get with Morgan. Morgan's eyebrow is like, "Sproing!" Which is nice, because it means his dick has company.
Lester comes into Wienerlicious, and Sarah brightly greets him as "Larry." Heh. He tries to smoove his way into her skirt, but she jumps up on the counter and wraps her legs around him, saying that she knows what he wants, and they could go through all the motions, but why not just go for it, right here, right now? Lester almost hyperventilates before pretending to hear Jeff calling him and running out of there as fast as his tiny legs can carry him. Seriously, I never noticed it before, but Chuck positively towers over him. Also, HEE, Sarah. I've heard the expression "You wouldn't know what to do with me," but I've never seen it acted out in quite so pointed a manner. Sarah gleefully watches him go, but then sees Lou, holding a sandwich bag, passing by, and before she can think better of it, she calls her name. Lou enters somewhat warily, and when Sarah tells her Chuck's a great guy and not to hurt him, Lou nervously says she wasn't planning to and bails.
Lou shows up at the Buy More with the sandwich and is intercepted by Morgan, who introduces himself as Chuck's best friend and "soulmate." Minus a million points for using that Dawson's Creek staple, Morgan, but I'll suspend that sentence, because the sandworm costume did show that the general sentiment is true. Chuck appears, and Morgan steals the sandwich and goes away, which seems like a more-than-fair trade for which Lou's stock just keeps rising. Lou mentions the run-in with Sarah, and Chuck offers that she's a little "overprotective." Just as well Lou get used to that idea before she meets Ellie. Chuck then suggests they go to Club Ares that night, as he's sure Stavros will find out about him at some point, so they might as well get it over with. Lou praises him for being charming, handsome, and brave, a combination she's not used to. Chuck: "Yeah, it's a little...new for me too." Come on, Chuck, it's Episode Nine already. Own your slightly-less-geeky status already!
Pre-date, Chuck is looking in the mirror and lamenting the fact that it's only their second date and he's already lying to Lou. Casey: "Relax. It's dating in L.A. Everyone lies." I wonder if that means he's telling chicks he's the assistant manager at Buy More. Sarah hands Chuck a microphone in the shape of an electric guitar that she says has a range of twenty feet, and she instructs him to keep it as close to Stavros as possible. You just had to make my mind go to the Pulp Fiction and old watches place, didn't you, Sarah? Chuck protests that he can't wear the thing, as it looks ridiculous. Casey: "The alternative is that we join you on your date." Microphone it is, then! Chuck gets ready to go, but Casey hands him a rose, which Chuck thinks is another piece of spyware. Casey: "No, idiot. It's so you can get laid." Chuck looks like the Intersect suddenly needs rebooting.
At Club Ares, Lou kisses the bouncer en route to bypassing the huge line; inside, Chuck babbles about how he's totally into the club scene and comes here all the time, only to learn that Lou didn't hear a word because of the loud music. Your eardrums may suffer tomorrow, Chuck, but I think that was worth the price. Lou then starts to drag Chuck to the dance floor, but they run into Stavros; he casts an appraising eye over Chuck before complimenting his pin. "I'd have worn mine, but I lost it in the 80s!" Chuck: "Yeah, I...kept mine." Hee. Stavros is friendly enough, but Lou still tries to ditch him; when he offers to buy them a drink, though, Chuck, remembering the mission, agrees, to Lou's bemusement. They head to the VIP area, and I love Chuck so much, but I'm still sure all the scenesters are like, "That guy?"
Back in the TV room, Morgan is playing that aforementioned video game as Anna watches enthusiastically and compliments him; unfortunately, he takes this as an invitation to kiss her, which it wasn't, if the way she casually allows him to sniper to the floor is any indication. She has to explain that just because she's not into Australopithecus Jeff doesn't mean anything; in fact, she prefers Lester to him, but that doesn't mean she's into him either. Morgan: "But you'd take me over Lester, right?" Anna, frustrated at how dumb guys can be, stomps out as Morgan begs her not to tell anyone about this. I'm not guessing she thinks her involvement is a thing to be proud of, dude.
Speaking of the idiocy of males, back at the club, Stavros and Chuck are doing shots and having a grand old time as Lou is like, "Hello!" She tries to be good-natured about being ignored until a half-in-the-bag Stavros tells Chuck not to get on her bad side, as she's a "fiery Italian." He embarrasses her with talk of tigers and makeup sex, and then Casey is like, "Get on with it, Chuck." And when Casey is opting not to revel in another person's embarrassment, someone's committing a faux pas indeed. Chuck starts to ask about Stavros's line of work, and Stavros genially notes that Chuck seems nervous, and starts massaging his neck. (No, not like that.) Stavros then notes that Chuck's got a small neck, like a chicken. Casey: "He does have a small neck." Hee. Sarah, however, is unamused, and wonders if she should go in. I'm sorry, Sarah, but get it together. I'll grant you the later transgression, but you've got no excuse on this one. Casey then baldly accuses Sarah of falling for the guys she works with, and Sarah weakly counters that Bryce was a mistake, and she hasn't fallen for Chuck. Give it up, Sarah -- you admitted you resisted the truth serum. He knows. Anyway, he's like, suuuure you haven't, and then snarks, "Just so we're clear, sister? Not interested." HA! I mean, having seen Sarah, that line makes me question Casey's heterosexuality, but I'll give him a pass because the line was so delightfully bitchy. Stavros then talks about snapping chicken's necks, which sends Sarah scampering into the club ahead of Casey's protests...
...and inside, Lou notices and asks Chuck if that isn't his "ex-girlfriend." Lou, you know her name, really. Chuck nervously babbles that Sarah's having a hard time letting go, and rushes over to talk to her, much to Lou's dismay. Chuck yells at Sarah that she's ruining his date, and they get pissed at each other, but because it's so loud, they're forced to do the hand-on-the-shoulder thing to talk into each other's ear, which Lou misinterprets and takes as her cue to bail. Sarah points this out, and Chuck tries to talk to Lou, but she tells him that he spent the whole evening talking to one of their exes or the other, and she's leaving. He's going to chase after her, but just then, he flashes on an older guy in the crowd, and yells to Casey that it's Stavros's father, Yari. Casey orders him to follow Yari, so Chuck, after catching one last "Are you coming?" look from Lou, turns and heads back to the VIP area, but the bouncer won't let him in now. Thinking fast, Chuck drops his guitar on a drinks tray, probably figuring that at the very least, he's rid of the damn thing. But the trick works, as just as the waitress sets down the tray, Stavros says something about a delivery in San Pedro the day at four o'clock. "If it expires, we're all dead."
Outside, Lou gets in a cab and drives away, ignoring Chuck yelling to her; Casey and Sarah then pull up, and Sarah tells him the mission was accomplished. Chuck: "Is it me, or does our government never want me to have sex again?" Dude, if you find a way to get Proposition Get Chuck Laid on the ballot, I'll totally vote for it.
At Buy More, Chuck is hiding behind a shelf and leaving a rambling, apologetic message for Lou when Casey appears, causing Chuck to "buh-bye" the voicemail and then castigate himself for it. Heh. Casey compliments his fieldwork, and says he and Sarah are going to the dock at the appointed time. Chuck asks if they need him, and Casey's like, sure: "If the crap hits the fan, we could use you, Chicken Neck." Hee. Casey leaves and is replaced by Morgan, who babbles some Neanderthal crap about Anna before seeing that Anna, Lester, and Jeff are pointing their way and giggling. Morgan goes running up and fake-laughs that they got him -- he tried to kiss Anna, and she dissed him. Unfortunately, as the more precocious among the newborn set might guess, they were actually laughing at Chuck for Lou dumping him after he dumped Sarah, which Anna opines is "kind of poetic." It does make me giggle to think that Casey is actually the biggest yenta in the break room, though. Jeff asks how Morgan could do that, as he has dibs on Anna. Anna: "I'm right here, you disgusting pig." I think we need her around a little more often.
Chuck is once again hiding while leaving a babbling message, this time about being an out-and-proud stalker, when Sarah appears, causing Chuck to hang up with a "buh-bye" again, which he immediately regrets, again. Hee. Sarah apologizes for the night before, and Chuck's pretty chill about it, all things considered. Sarah tells him she never felt like their time together was work (which: Aw!) and tells him Gerber daisies are Lou's favorite -- she used her CIA resources to research that little factoid (double aw!).
Sometime later, Chuck enters Lou's store with a bouquet of the flowers in question; unfortunately, the place is packed and she's pissed, so she tells him to take a number, which turns out to be forty-four, and they're only up to twenty-eight. Chuck sits down to wait.
The Federal agents, including the bomb squad, show up at the dock area and lock the place down. If it's anywhere close to four o'clock, Lou must really make the best sandwiches in town. They surround the crate in question.
Chuck's turn comes up, but it's a stereotypically surly middle-aged Italian guy who calls him. Chuck says he just wanted to talk to Lou, but Lou gives a slight shake of her head, which is all the guy needs to tell Chuck that he's going to have to take another number. Chuck does -- and it's ninety-six. He looks beleaguered, but Lou surreptitiously smiles, so she's not permanently pissed.
Casey smokes a cigar as people work to get the crate open, but when they do, it's only got a camera on a tripod inside. Sarah seethes that "they" knew they were coming. And they didn't bake a cake? How rude!
Lou calls ninety-six, and Chuck, who now looks to be the only customer left, starts to apologize, but Lou shortly tells him she's working, so does he want a sandwich or what? Figuring he's done his penance at this point, Chuck shifts gears, comes around the counter, and basically gives her flirtatious sandwich-making orders ("This is a hot sandwich, sweetheart" is the best of the bunch) until she takes the flowers and plants one on him. Not quite Like Water For Chocolate, but I still cheered.
Yari and Stavros are watching the tape, and Yari wonders how the agents knew the shipment was coming. Stavros claims not to know, and Yari holds up the guitar-mike and tells him to find out whose it is and bring it to him. So it looks like Stavros is playing some kind of game, because I can't imagine he doesn't recognize the thing as belonging to Chuck. Particularly when it afforded him the opening for such a bon mot!
Chuck wakes up from what looks like an "I just got laid" dream; in the bathroom, he then compliments himself out loud in the mirror, only to jump out of his skin when Casey calls to him, "Hey, loverboy! Hasn't that mirror suffered enough already?" Once again, he's wrong on the merits, but his bitchiness score sees him through. It's like a skater who keeps falling down in an extremely artistic manner. Chuck points out that he's in the bathroom, and asks if there's nothing sacred to Casey, who's got Sarah with him. Casey: "Just the right to bear arms." Hee. Chuck leads them into the kitchen (I guess Ellie and Awesome are supposed to be at work, but it seems odd that no one even mentions it in passing) as he tells them they look like shit, and Casey speculates that that might be because they were up all night explaining the botched mission to their bosses -- as Sarah explains, someone set them up, and Casey suspects Lou. Chuck thinks that accusation is ludicrous "and quite frankly beneath you, Sarah," but Casey produces pictures that show Lou meeting up with Stavros at the docks -- after her date with Chuck. Chuck, reasonably convincingly, says he's sure Lou has a perfectly reasonable explanation, and Casey seethes, "Good. Can't wait to hear it." Sarah gets in on the act, too, as she tells Chuck to keep the photo. "We have plenty more."
At Buy More, Lester and Jeff gloatingly tell Morgan that the news of his failed hookup is all over the mall, and the guys at the Sbarro even named a pizza after him -- "no sauce, no toppings, nothing but pure cheese -- it's called The Loser." Without skipping a beat, they go to grab a slice, and I'd totally be with them on that particular pizza except for the Sbarro's part, because ew. Morgan looks dejected, and Anna watches surreptitiously but also unhappily.
The operatives are parked near the club, the back of which is apparently the meeting place. Casey outfits a watch with a mike and gives it to Chuck just before Lou drives up, and Chuck hops out in pursuit. Sarah hotheadedly wants to follow, and Casey has to remind her that they've both been caught on tape, so they can't risk being spotted. God, Sarah, when Casey has to calm you down, it's time to take a long hard look at yourself, no?
Chuck sneaks back and watches as Stavros takes a wooden crate out of his car and puts it down, for which Lou thanks him. He asks a brief question about Chuck, and then says he'll be back with the rest of her stuff. Chuck then pops out, and they have words that end with him opening the crate with a crowbar -- out of which tumbles a variety of salami. Again, I saw this coming -- mostly because of the episode title, but...the other titles didn't give away a plot twist that I can remember. Anyway, Lou sarcastically says she's a smuggler -- she knows it's illegal because there are no additives or preservatives in the stuff, and it normally takes ten days to clear customs. Unfortunately, Chuck freaks out that Lou is incriminating herself, given that she's unwittingly announcing her crimes to the agents, so he takes off his watch and drops it in a conveniently-nearby glass of something or other. This causes the transmission to go static-y, which is all the excuse Sarah needs to go running off to check on Chuck again. Chuck apologizes to Lou, but she stomps off anyway; Sarah then appears just in time for both of them to get ensnared by a pin- and gun-wielding Stavros, who locks them both in his trunk. Get comfy, kids!
Casey realizes something's wrong and gets out of the car; meanwhile, in the trunk, Chuck and Sarah snipe at each other, but Sarah thinks they'll be okay because the watch Casey gave Chuck has a GPS device in it. I don't normally mind this show being preposterous -- that's part of the fun -- but the idea that the agents wouldn't also have similar devices on them as a matter of course is just defying the show's internal logic, and it, if you'll pardon the expression, bugs. Casey finds the watch and seethes, "Idiot," and you'd be hard-pressed to find someone to disagree at the moment. Sarah makes the good and obvious point that the CIA would hardly have cared about a deli-meat smuggler, so Chuck has to counter that he's not a prefect spy like Bryce. Sarah asks who's jealous now, so Chuck responds, "Me? Jealous of you and Bryce? Never." The salami may go bad quickly around here, but I'm betting that ironic foreshadowing will keep for a week. Sarah asks if he's done, and he says yes, basically. Sarah: "Good. Now shut up -- you're sucking up all the air." Hee.
In the TV room, Morgan is watching a documentary on lone wolves when Anna joins him, and it's getting past my bedtime, so let's just say that Anna points out that lone wolves are lonely, and then the two of them make out like nerds. Practice makes perfect, kids, and that won't be a problem for video-game addicts like yourselves.
Casey comes into Lou's store posing as an FDA agent and threatens to bust her for her connection to the Demetrios family, as they're wanted for smuggling guns. He says he'll let her off if she gives him the dock number where she's receiving her shipments from Stavros. I thought that was where they took the pictures, but maybe they changed the location after the crate raid? Whatever, it's late and I'm tired, so let's just say Lou folds like a tasty wrap sandwich. Casey starts to head out, but turns: "By the way, miss? Your pastrami's delicious." HEE. Adam Baldwin should put, like, this entire episode on his comedy reel.
Chuck and Sarah are tied up and at the mercy of Yari and his goons; Chuck tries to spin a cover story about the imported salami, but that's not going to stop Yari from using a power drill on Sarah. However, Chuck starts getting flashes from the goons, and it turns out they've been keeping secrets from each other. When Chuck blurts them all out, they turn their attention to each other to enough of a degree that Sarah is able to extract blades from hidden spots in her sleeve and shoe, and she gets to work on her bonds. Yari puts an end to the nonsense by killing one of the goons, and then someone else informs them that the package is there, and they've got five minutes before it's set to "expire." Chuck flashes on the guy's display, but it's a confusing jumble about which he ends up saying nothing initially. Yari blithely says they'll have to kill the prisoners, but Sarah is making progress on the ropes; also, Casey is at that moment approaching their position. Chuck blurts that he thinks there's a chemical bomb about to go off; then, as a goon dramatically points his gun at Sarah's head, she gets her legs free and boots him hard. She kicks Chuck, who's in a wheeled chair, away and out of the line of fire, and manages to get to cover herself before the shooting starts in earnest. Casey joins the firefight and yells that he'll hold them off while they go defuse the bomb.
Outside, Sarah tells Chuck to get as far away as possible, but he's not hearing that, probably because he's already defused a bomb once before. Of course, he doesn't have a laptop or a sexy virus available this time, but a good nerd can always improvise, right?
A SWAT team comes in to back Casey up, and the goons go down, but Yari and Stavros manage to get out. Casey's in hot pursuit, however, and he first subdues Stavros before catching up to Yari and telling him to surrender, which he does. However, just then, an unknown sniper takes out Yari from another direction. We get a look at the guy, who's no one we've seen before, to the best of my knowledge, but is Latino, has a scar on his face, and was on Third Watch. He picks up his phone and identifies himself as "Tommy," and says that the package has been intercepted. "We're going to have to clean things up."
Chuck and Sarah reach the crate and take crowbars to it; they get it open, and we see that the timer we viewed in the opening scene, which now has less than a minute on it, is attached to a large cylindrical container that might well be an explosive device of some sort. As Sarah desperately examines the panel, Chuck wills the Intersect to do its thing, to no avail. Sarah then orders Chuck to get out of there, even drawing her gun on him, but he gets props for staying, and even more for pointing out how dumb it is to threaten his life when she's trying to save it. Heh. They start bitching again, but when it looks like they only have ten seconds to live, Chuck closes his eyes -- and Sarah grabs him and kisses him, long, and slow, and loving...and way more than ten seconds. Heh. They realize this eventually, and are like, "Um..." Sarah tries to spin it as good news/bad news, the bad being that they're uncomfortable, but Chuck says from his end, that's not so much true. Aw. Sarah's unsure what to say about this. She was expecting to die, people! The handbook doesn't cover this!
The day, Chuck comes to see Lou, who says she knows he's an agent -- but she thinks it's for the FDA. She's not devastated, but more a combination of understanding and interested, as she asks if he ever really liked her. And I have to say that I really like this little moment of the shoe being on the other foot for Chuck -- now he can really understand, a little, what it's like to be Sarah. Chuck earnestly tells Lou that she's everything he's looking for -- he just can't look right now. She nods and thanks him, and then says that the time her phone breaks, she's going to Large Mart. Chuck: "Oh, that...that hurts." Hee. Chuck says he's really going to miss the Chuck Bartowski (the sandwich), and Lou agrees that she will too, but the kiss they shared was the best she's had in a long time. (I'm assuming this means they didn't have sex, otherwise the unstated implication is a little insulting for poor Chuck.) Chuck does not say the same, but death kisses are always the best, no?
Anna walks by and waves to Morgan, and then Lester and Jeff cross the other way and make whipped noises. Heh. Chuck's psyched about Morgan and Anna, but when Morgan hears Chuck and Lou are no more, he gets on the intercom and tells Anna it's over. Yeah, I know it's meant to be comedy, but this...didn't work for me, so much. They played Anna as too sympathetic in this episode and their relationship as too sweet for her to get pissed on in the eleventh hour, in my opinion. It's a tonal misstep. Anyway, Morgan's psyched that it's just the two of them again, but Chuck tells him he's getting back together with Sarah, so Morgan gets back on the intercom and is all, "Just kidding!" but Anna's nowhere to be found.
Casey and Sarah arrive back at the warehouse; as people break down the crate, they note that whomever the package was meant for didn't want Yari to talk. They then learn that the timer was actually measuring an oxygen supply.
Chuck calls Sarah, and the rest of the episode is his call intertwined with Sarah and Casey watching the pod get opened. Chuck asks Sarah out on a date, with no chaperones -- just them. But it's not going to be just them for a while, it seems, as the pod contains -- Bryce. Casey: "Didn't I kill him?" Hee. Bryce takes a breath, and as Sarah looks fearful and blown away, Chuck happily says they could go to Sbarro and check out the Morgan pizza. One more shot of Sarah looking floored, and then Chuck signs off with an atypically smoothly-delivered "Bye." Oh, man, week is going to be awesome!