Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Something Better Change
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.22.2005
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah: Zankou's about to reveal Brody's initial role in his cunning plan when Brody, stricken finally by his conscience, offers a simple "I can't." The assembled dark demonic horde snickers maliciously as Zankou strides across the room to push his face within an inch of Brody's. And then they kissed, and it was wicked hot for some sick, bizarre reason, because Oded Fehr totally looks like the kind of guy who specializes in extreme bondage porn, and that stuff is just gross. Kidding! I'm just kidding! Zankou actually breathes, "You will," before erupting into a fireball that forces Brody to gasp in shock and curl into a cowering cringe as Zankou blazes from the chamber for points unknown.
Not!warts. I'm Not Candy and the Avatar I have yet to nickname stroll around the headmistress's office, offering Raige instruction and advice. "The problem is," No Name tells her, "his powers go beyond the physical. Zankou has the power of prescience as well -- he anticipates where we'll be looking for him next." Raige notes that they've rid themselves of nearly all the remaining upper-level demons, so what's the big deal? Can't they move forward with The Change despite Zankou's continued existence? I'm Not Candy rather forcefully informs her that they cannot. No Name's all, "We might not have a choice, big guy." The "planetary alignment," you see, is optimal at the moment for initiating The Change, so they might have to go through with it regardless of Zankou's status, and I just totally zoned out on what they're babbling at each other because of a massive continuity error. Rose McGowan had been sitting at the desk wearing a rather modestly zippered pink hoodie throughout the above, but when the camera cuts back to her for a reaction to I'm Not Candy's latest outburst, the hoodie's disappeared, and she's clad in the crimson camisole thing they're calling a blouse this evening that she was sporting at the top of the hour. All the money they blow on this damn thing every week, and they never, ever, ever get it all right. Anyway, back to the plot: Raige reminds the Avatars that they earlier conceded the fact that a few demons would remain after The Change and could be handled then. I'm Not Candy allows this, but insists that Zankou represents a "unique threat -- one that could bring enough conflict into Utopia to undermine it." As Zankou is determined to do all in his power to destroy what the Avatars have planned for humanity, he must be dealt with immediately. Raige, still not wearing that pink hoodie, focuses on that "all in his power" bit and, mindful of The Bulge's attitude that morning, sighs, "He's not the only one." She rather hesitantly rises from her seat to ask, "Just out of curiosity, that spell that we're gonna cast -- what exactly does it do?" A brief silence greets the question, so Raige uncomfortably shrugs her shoulders around and adds, "Unless you don't want us to know." I'm Not Candy takes his time to offer the following, frostily delivered explanation: "The spell will put everyone to sleep, but only for a few hours. Just long enough to erase the mindset of duality, of good and evil." "To allow the original design," No Name elaborates with a far warmer smile on his face, "that which every human being has imprinted in their hearts, to take hold." So...not so much Utopia, then, as Eden? I guess. I don't know. Nor do I really care, because you know something's going to happen to fuck it all up. And it's probably going to be Phoebe's fault. Because Phoebe ruins everything! Raige carefully wonders if she and her sisters will fall asleep with everyone else, but doesn't receive an immediate answer, for the shrieking racket accompanying the Dolt's orb cloud reaches their ears at this moment from the hallway outside. "Anybody home?" screeches the Feebs. See what I mean? Everything!
Raige and the Avatars wander out into the Not!warts Not-So-Great Hall to greet Piper, Phoebe, and the Dolt. Piper and Phoebe are spattered with demon guts, which they delicately wipe from their faces with a pair of towels. Seems they were on one final demon hunt before The Change begins and managed to take out "six or seven" of the remaining upper-level demons, along with some "Grimlock eggs." So, Grimlocks hatch like chickens. That's, uh, nice to know, I suppose. Raige, peeved that the Avatars neglected to mention the whole enforced-unconsciousness bit of their plan until now, launches into an argument with the others in the room, during which we learn that the Avatars "never intended for [the Glamorous Ladies] to join the [rest of humanity] until much later," as the gals will need to take care of the "Straggler Demons" who blend in with the aboveground populace. And who, as we shall shortly learn, all apparently live in San Francisco, for some stupid reason or another. Phoebe's dismayed to realize that they'll have to continue vanquishing the forces of Hell after The Change, but No Name assures her it should take no longer than a couple of hours to rid the world of the Stragglers. After that, I'm Not Candy promises, the gals will get to decide when to join the rest of humanity in this weird Utopia-of-the-mind the Avatars have planned for everyone else. "You okay with that?" Phoebe asks Raige. Raige's Moustache contemplates its options for a moment, then nods its head and crosses to join its sisters as the Dolt frets a bit about Zankou. "I think I know how to find him," Piper eyebrows as she exits towards the office. Phoebe asks the Dolt for a lift over to All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me so she can "get [her] last column in." "'Last column'?" Raige dims. "Well, yeah!" Phoebe enthuses. "How much advice can a world without conflict need?" I hate it when she's right. HATE. Even more than I hate it when Brody's right. What the hell is going on in this episode? In any event, Phoebe beams up at the Dolt as they both dissolve into orbs and vanish upwards. Left alone once more with the Avatars, Raige offers them an uneasy grin. I'm Not Candy returns it with an equally uneasy one of his own -- one I'm certain he spent hours in front of the mirror mastering, and one which nevertheless would curdle milk. Yeah, this Utopia thing? Not a good idea.