Halliwell Manor. Day. Kitchen. Piper "At Wit(ch)'s End" Halliwell enters the room, carrying shopping bags while blathering, "Any day that brings new shoes is a good day." Shouldn't you qualify your purchases as "boots," Piper? Phoebe "The Abominable Ms. Pheebs" Halliwell follows her into the room, carrying shopping parcels also, prattling, "Are you kidding? Yoga, pedicures, shopping, lunch. When has a day been more fun?" Prue "Brinda Starr" Halliwell enters the kitchen with bags too, adding that it's been "nice" to "bond" over something other than "vanquishing demons." Damn, the Halliwells finally do something fun and the cameras weren't there to capture it. Sigh. Phoebe notes that demon-hunting activities have brought the sisters together, so she's not knocking them. She also takes the "worst-dressed" prize for this scene. Shannen's in a simple black tank dress, Holly Marie's in tasteful separates as usual, but Alyssa . . . well, Alyssa's costumer couldn't decide whether the character should wear Daisy Dukes with her bare-shoulder Lycra top, or a flowing floral skirt. So she's wearing a skort that incorporates the worst aspects of both garments. Ew. Stop picking clothes out of Tori's cast-off bin on the Spelling lot, Charmed wardrobe people! Then, for some reason, the television gets turned on during all of this "bonding" and we see some news footage of a recent riot that broke out at a block party in the city. Prue expositions that "stuff" like that has been "happening a lot lately." Phoebe: "Random social violence is encouraged by a general decline in ethical thinking, according to my sociology professor." I am so not buying "brainy" Phoebe (eyeglasses accessory included!). Alyssa obviously read that line off a cue-card and stumbled over most of the multi-syllable words. Pheebs continues her thesis, stating that the prof thought that people "don't ask the big questions enough." Prue wonders, "Like 'how did you stay awake in his class'?" Heh. Phoebe says she actually enjoyed the mellow, soft-science sounds of Sociology 101. Then she brings out a book she just purchased; it contains ethics conundrums for discussion. Or as she calls them, "deep, profound [sic] questions." Whatever. Phoebe puts on her glasses and recites one: "What if a building is on fire: Do you save five strangers or a sibling?" Prue: "That's easy -- a sibling." Piper: "Of course." Phoebe smirks and adds, "Ditto!"
Sidebar. Okay. The "Awakened" ep was re-run just recently. That same episode was referenced repeatedly in the last new episode. Didn't the lazy Ps' decision to save Piper from Aroya Fever cause a mini-ninja-itis outbreak that threatened to kill many innocents? Didn't the Halliwells learn from their travails in that ep that pitting one of their own against the survival of the populace was a Very Bad Thing? Don't the writers watch their own friggin' show? Anyway, continuity be damned. Let's move on.
The doorbell rings. Piper tells the callous Ps not to answer any more questions in her absence; she's going to get the door (natch). It's Leo "White-Lighter Slavery" Wyatt. They kiss. Piper wonders why he didn't orb in. Leo says that he wants to "respect" the sisters' "space" since the Ps have been so "tight lately." As if on cue, the callous Ps enter the foyer to looky-loo. Prue wonders if he's shown up for "all of [them]." Can someone turn the hose on Prue-vert (tm MadSketcher), please? The entendre goes straight over Leo's head as he explains that he's shown up to ask Piper out to dinner before "the Paula Cole show." Piper demurs. Leo wonders what her other plans are. Piper explains that she's just "hanging out, spending non-magic time" with her sisters. Leo asks for a raincheck. Prue urges them to go out to dinner while the callous Ps go to the club to "keep an eye" on things. (Because "keeping an eye" is far removed from the act of "lifting a finger.") Piper expositions that she's hired a good assistant manager to do that. Phoebe: "We'll go, anyway." She's going to bring her query book to the bar also, to "stir up trouble." Prue awkward segues: "How about stirring up some margaritas?" Phoebe agrees, as they practically go skipping off, blathering about the outfits they'll wear that evening. Hmm. Cocktails before going to the bar? I wonder if we'll see a very special "intervention" episode season. Does alcohol mix well with telekinesis, astral projection, and psychic visions? Piper beams at Leo and asks, "So it's a date?" Leo, well aware that he's second choice: "All right."
Piper's SUV. Piper and Leo sit inside. Do you remember how shittily the Ps treated Leo during the first half of the season? Well, second verse, same as the first, because we catch Piper in mid-backpedal: "I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the date, I'm just saying that [the callous Ps] would have enjoyed the restaurant, too." Cut to a guy behind her, getting his road rage on. Back in the SUV, Leo's stating that sometimes he wishes the Halliwells were "normal sisters" who weren't "this close." Piper asks if he has a problem with this. Leo: "Sometimes I feel like I'm breaking up this great party when I want to be alone with you." Great party? Leo, honey, you need to get out of the hou -- er, heaven more often. Piper: "There's room for all of you in my life and in my heart." Ew. Those Book of Shadows verses are really leaking into Piper's everyday syntax. A cut to Road Rager interrupts this non-magical Hallmark Moment. He peels forward in a snit and passes Piper's SUV, burning rubber to escape the couple's inane dialogue. Road Rager hits a produce truck. Hey, clueless teen viewers who don't understand my recaps! Your turnip truck's returned. Be sure to climb back on it! Produce Guy and Road Rager exit their vehicles and have a smackdown. Piper exclaims, "Oh no!" and clutches her pearls. Pan over to a guy in a black suit and a green tie, holding a demonic Palm Pilot. Suddenly a crowd has gathered around the accident scene. Everyone goes soccer fan on each other. A guy throws a watermelon on Piper's windshield. She gets her bitch on and exits the SUV. The guy hurls another melon. Piper freezes the melee, including the mid-air melon. The guy in the green tie, unfrozen, bolts from the scene. Piper runs after him. Leo shouts in protest; she doesn't know "who or what" the man in the black suit is. Before Piper can catch up to him, he runs into an alley and turns into a guy on a green satin cape on horseback. He orbs away. Piper and Leo face the empty alleyway. Cut to a grassy field. The guy in the green cape gallops into view, along with three other horsemen. Fake lightning F/X flash behind them.
Credits. Hey writers! I'm pretty sure y'all broke into my car and leafed through my Charmed wordplay/blurb/nickname notebook for inspiration for this week's MBTV-ish episode title. Shame on you. Thanks for not stealing my Last Days of Disco CD, though.
The difference between Big Kmart and Super Kmart? A subtle gradation of the red chafing on my ass.
They skimp on the establishing shots this week, and it's straight to the crowds filing into P3 After Dark for "loser registration." Actually, what we see are establishing shots OF HELL, because there's Paula Cole performing on stage before we can even brace ourselves. She's wearing this brown studded evening-gown thing that looks like something Xena would wear to the Oscars, and is caterwauling and flailing her arms about like a drag queen on ephedrine channeling Celine Dion. One saving grace, as noted on the boards: no pit shots. Phew. The camera pans past the enthralled extras towards the bar where Phoebe and Prue are beaming at Paula's vocal majesty. Either Shannen and Alyssa's musical tastes are about as refined as their selection of husband material, or this is the best acting I've seen on the show all year. Anyway, the callous Ps are in rapture over Paula, and I can't say I've ever disliked them more. Cut to Paula doing an inept tribal dance. Cut to the bartender reading the moral quandary book, and handing it back to Prue. Cut to Paula a-stompin' and a-wailin' some more. Cut to some heavily sedated extras in slip dresses swaying to Paula Cole's braying prattle. Pan over to the callous Ps displaying their caps again. Close-up of Paula raising her arms to emphasize a Poignant Lyric, while the framing thankfully shields us from a glimpse of pit hair. Paula ends her song with the howl, "For WEEEE are the chEEEldren of the fAAAAHHther." Hmm, might her father be . . . SATAN? She raises her fist in emphasis. Her hairy pit is blocked from view. Well, that's reason enough for applause. The crowd claps and squeals. Paula: "Thank you, P3! You've been great!" The Walls That Can Talk at P3AD respond: "Yeah, well, we wish we could say the same for you." Paula bows and crawls back under her rock. Honey, I don't want to wait for your life to be over, either.
Then Piper and Leo walk up to the callous Ps. Phoebe "can't believe" they missed Paula Cole, because she was "awesome." Piper dryly responds that she preferred to attend a soccer riot instead. Who wouldn't? Actually, she says that they went to dinner then did "a little demon-hunting." Prue: "What happened?" Piper and Leo: "[Exposition about the melee and Green Tie's escape.]" Phoebe wonders if he's "a demon that causes road rage." Piper notes that the guy seemed "attracted" to the riot. Prue thinks he might be the cause of the recent urban upheavals; perhaps he's "some kind of lower-level mischief maker." Piper bitches about the Ps' obvious duty to get rid of him. Phoebe suggests they stop being "pessimistic" and all go home to do some research in the Book of Shadows. They bolt.
Shot of a full moon. Horseman Field. Green Tie expositions to some other guys, who are also nattily dressed in black suits and solid color ties. The other guys are Orange Tie, Yellow Tie, and Black Tie. GT says he was chased by "a good witch." But the discord they've been sowing is "working" and they'll be able to meet their "deadline" at seven o'clock the following evening. I note that the actor portraying Orange Tie was the Master's vessel in the Buffy pilot, and also played the Judge in the "Surprise/Innocence" two-parter. Anyway, the horsemen decide to set a trap for the "good witch." They will bait her by giving her "something she'll want to stop."
Halliwell Manor. Piper and Pheebs are in front of the BoS, reading about "the demon of cruelty." Piper reads, "[The demon] hardens the heart and corrodes the soul" and thinks this is the match for Green Tie. Phoebe: "And is a woman." Huh. First the sexist blather about women loving to buy shoes, and now this slam. I'm too lazy to rewind and confirm that a guy wrote this week's script. Prue and Leo join the docile Ps in the attic. We get a full-length view of Prue's "Morticia Jolie (tm Maggie) turning Japanese" ensemble: tight black slit skirt, black top, and satin kimono jacket, with her hair hanging loose except for some layers held back with chopsticks. I also note that Leo is bringing the Halliwells tea on a tray. I guess he's now the butler to Piper's maid. Prue wonders how the research is going. Piper has guessed that Green Tie is the "demon of anarchy." Leo busts on the Ps for "guessing" because it's "dangerous to engage an enemy unless [they] know what he wants." Piper, in her most patronizing tone: "Leo, honey, we have done this a couple of times." Prue adds: "We can't know every single thing about our enemies." Shannen's makeup is really overdone too; were they aiming for a Kabuki look? Phoebe takes her own turn to slam Leo by smarting off, "We can't just hang out and wait for inspiration, you know." Leo's outvoted, and I think his response was something like, "Okay, whatever, I'm just worried that's all," but I couldn't make it out over the overwhelming sound of furious backpedaling. Then he literally STEPS BACK. The Ps all agree that Green Tie must be the demon of anarchy. Piper will make the demon's vanquishing potion. She's pleased to see that the recipe "doesn't even require a double broiler." Heh. Phoebe notes that the vanquishing spell is a "basic iambic pentameter chant." Shout-out? Ha ha, anyway. Piper: "Now all we need to know is where the guy will show up ." Prue has an idea who might have the info.
Police precinct. Darryl "Inspector Blah-get" Morris is on the phone with Prue. There's much arrest-procedure hubbub going on around him as he shoves a perp roughly into a chair while blathering to her about the recent "civil disturbances." He thinks "the whole city's lost it's friggin' mind." You know, Darryl, the people in the riots are only flying off the handle like you have been doing most every episode this season. Chew on that for a while. And shut up. Darryl tells Prue that crimes involving "violence, looting and arson" are on the upswing; is this being caused by "you know what"? Prue: "Possibly. We're researching that." She asks where the "latest hot spot" is. Darryl looks concerned.
Riot scene. Piper's SUV pulls up. Oh no! The huge crowd in front of P3AD has turned ugly and they're "doing the right thing" to the nightclub! Woo hoo! One of the rioters is carrying around Paula Cole's head on a pike! I'm stirred back awake by the sound of a siren onscreen and I see the Ps walking into the thick of the riot. It's taking place on a nondescript soundstage street. The sisters are all still in their clubwear, and the docile Ps are wearing open-toed platform sandals. You know, if I knew I was leaving my house to attend an urban uprising, I would definitely dress more sensibly. Where are your steel-toed construction boots, Piper? Isn't this a good time to bring them out? The Ps clutch each other and walk past overturned vehicles. Then an extra holds one of those big fake plastic rocks you see in stuntman displays at amusement parks over his head and hurls it in their direction. The HELL? Phoebe, freaked, wails, "What is WRONG with these people?" Word -- if she means the folks in production. Piper says she can't wait to "kick [Green Tie's] butt." During the disturbance, Prue is separated from her sisters. She wanders about past the looters and the cops and the fires, and spots Green Tie. GT runs. Prue follows. What, no Astral Prue this episode? Shannen looks pretty comical sprinting around in her outfit like SuperGeisha. GT pops into an alley and meets up with the other Ts. Prue stops and realizes, "There's four of you." Orange Tie grabs her. The docile Ps run up. OT: "Stop or I'll snap her neck." The Ts begin to chant. The docile Ps, facing the Ts with Prue and OT standing in between the groups, start their vanquishing procedure. Piper and Phoebe simultaneously Hallmark: Sower of discord/ Your works now must cease/ I vanquish you now with these words of peace. Piper tosses some white powder on Prue and OT, and they both disappear in a white beam. Piper calls out for Prue. The Ts gape. Phoebe: "What just happened?" Piper: "I think we just vanquished our sister."
The Taco Bell Chihuahua continues to be offensive to Mexicans in particular and anyone with comic sensibility in general.
Alleyway. The Ts have disappeared. Phoebe and Piper stand there alone. Piper freaks out over Prue's disappearance. Phoebe doesn't think that Prue is dead, just "sent someplace." She comforts Piper and suggests that they head home to figure out what to do. Phoebe: "We have Leo, the Book [of Shadows], and each other. We can save Prue. There's gotta be a way."
Office Building. We see an incredibly bad painting of the Four Horsemen in capes on horseback in a huge purple cloud. Someone's used a metal cutter to remove this thing off the side of a 1973 Chevy van and mount it in this hallway. Yellow Tie and Green Tie argue about Orange Tie's disappearance as they walk past. Black Tie yells a bit, too. What we get is a lot of boring exposition about the Horsemen having to find Orange Tie so that they're all together when the world's supposed to end the evening. If they don't succeed, the "Source" will kill them and choose four others to be the "Anointed Ones" who must destroy the world. There's a big control room set up with a bunch of televisions and menials on telephone headsets and number tally displays. It's supposed to be a sophisticated "end-of-the-world" command center, but so little money was spent on the set that it resembles a PBS pledge drive. The scene winds down as the Ts walk past a television set showing stock footage of riots, warfare, disasters, et cetera. None of these scenes is half as scary as the shots of the Paula Cole concert at P3AD. Then the screen goes black except for an Apocalypse count-down clock in the right corner, counting off the seconds until the Rapture. Whatever.
Halliwell Manor. Attic. The docile Ps enter. Leo's waiting there. He and Piper embrace. Phoebe asks him if he found anything in the BoS. He hasn't found any info on the four men the Ps described. And he's still wearing his tan duster. Hey, take off your coat, babe, and stay awhile. Phoebe suggests they look under "Botched Vanquishes." Leo insists that he's been through the book cover to cover. Piper, still distraught, wants him to confirm that Prue's not dead. Leo holds his tongue. Piper: "Phoebe tells me to hope, now you're telling me there isn't any? I just need to know!" Then we hear chime music and see curtains blowing around. Piper shudders. She tells Phoebe and Leo that Prue just "went right through" her. Phoebe asks if she's "like the wind." Dear Lord, please remove that Patrick Swayze song that just entered my head. Eternally grateful, Owen. Piper elaborates that Prue "spoke to" her; she's alive. Phoebe wonders if this means Prue is "a spirit." Leo interprets this to mean that Prue is "on another plane, trying to break through." Phoebe starts wailing out Prue's name, wondering if she's still there. The docile Ps see the marker on the spirit board (remember: the actresses cannot pronounce the word "Ouija") move. It spells out H-E-L-P. Phoebe reads this aloud for the radio audience. Then she suddenly doubles over while shuddering in the same manner as Piper. The camera sweeps in for a sweeps-month deep cleavage shot. Piper wonders if Pheebs had contact with Prue, too. Phoebe: "No. Something else. Evil. Cold." Just then, this transparent, amorphous F/X blob floats in through the window. Piper asks, "What is that?" Prue's face briefly appears in the blob. So we know it's Prue-amecium. Then a similar floating blob appears with Orange Tie's face on it. Horseman-ecium chases Prue-amecium very slowly around the room. This is a chore to sit through, but easier going once I realize that an alternative might have been the padding of the show's running time with more Paula Cole footage. The blobs both fly out the window. Leo: "She's alive, but she's in trouble." He says that they have to find out where the other "suits" are. Piper gets all bossy and demands of Leo, "Ask your bosses, whoever they are or whatever they are, who those guys are and how we can get my sister back. NOW! ORB! FASTER!!!" She not only wags her finger during this harangue, but also claps her hands to dismiss him. Leo orbs off but quick. And who wouldn't? Phoebe decides to get busy by looking up "wind" in the BoS. Piper harshes on her for her stupidity. Hee. Phoebe: "Can you think of anything else?" Piper, flustered, waves her arms around and suggests, "Mist?" Hee again.
Horsemen Headquarters. Yellow Tie's research into Orange Tie's whereabouts has been fruitless. A menial with cropped, bleached, Billy-with-a-brain-tumor-on-Ally hair tells Black Tie that they're "losing ground" on the "war" front. BT pitches a fit that his plans are going awry. He vows to take the Halliwells down for revenge. As the Ts start to leave the control room, BT sees a TV start to play stock footage of war scenes. He thinks that Orange Tie -- also known as "War" -- is trying to contact them. BT assures OT in the TV that they will "punish the witches." OT sends a "cease fire" message. The Ts need to work with the Ps; the witches will be needed to free him from the vortex. BT wonders how to find them. OT tells him to ask the Source.
Halliwell Manor. Sunroom. Piper is getting more distraught over Prue. Phoebe doesn't help much by blathering about the "eleven planes of existence" that they'll need to search for their sister. Piper wonders if it's "too late" to save Prue. Phoebe crosses the room to comfort Piper, showing these really ugly purple patches on the ass of her first-day-of-school hard denim jeans that she's paired with a wee turquoise camisole top. Leo orbs in. He has a message for them from his bosses. They've been talking to the Source. The Halliwells will have to work with the "suits" in order to save Prue. The bosses on both sides are urging a meeting. It's up to the Ps to decide whether they want to work with minions of hell. Phoebe complains about having to make this decision. Leo says that his bosses are "big on free will." Phoebe decides "yes" right away, without asking Piper or anything. Leo: "You can't just get in bed with evil!" Leo tells them that they are risking their lives, because the suits will most likely betray them. The docile Ps declare that "anything is worth it" to save their sister. Leo warns them that they'll be working with beings that are "higher up" than demons this time. Piper just wants Prue back. Leo loses the argument.
Horsemen Field. Piper and Phoebe wait there, clad in ugly pleather pimp jackets. The Ts arrive. Green Tie: "Let's do business." Piper shakes his hand. Bad blue screen lightning F/X flashes. The skies grow dark as the shadow of a large anvil blots out the sun.
Halliwell Manor. Sunroom. The three Ts and two Ps meet and size each other up. Black Tie gets all freaked when Pheebs moves a houseplant off a table. Like chill, dude. She, in turn, clutches her pearls when Green Tie reaches into his jacket for a pen to take notes. We get it; they're tense. Leo mutters to Piper, "It's bad enough that you're working with them, but did you have to bring them here?" Piper reasons that the manor is where the Ps are "strongest and safest," and besides, the Ts didn't offer their headquarters as a meeting place. Leo says that it's strange that the guys gave up their "home-field advantage"; they must be "planning something." Piper patronizes, "Of course. They're EVIL." Pheebs suggests that everyone reconstruct the sitch in the alley. The Ts and Ps argue over who was standing where as they position tchotchke markers on the tabletop. They finally agree on who stood where. Phoebe and Piper have a brainstorm. They pluck some pussywillow stems out of a floral arrangement and show the Ts that the participants in the vanquishing showdown had created a pentagram with Prue and Orange Tie in the middle. So Prue and OT must be in a vortex. They move on to the question: how can they open it again? Black Tie gets antsy to leave, so he delegates to the other Ts, "Good. Keep it up. Page me when we have the answer." He books. Leo decides to follow him, and orbs off despite Piper's whispered protestations. Yellow Tie wonders who Leo was. Piper: "None of your business." Oh, sassy. Piper asks Green Tie and Yellow Tie how they can help solve the vortex dilemma. Green Tie tells them that their chant helped open the vortex along with the Ps' spell. He entendres to Pheebs, "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." Pleez. Piper tells them that she's going to the kitchen to whip up some more potion. Yellow Tie follows. Does she mind? Piper: "Yes, I do." Talk to the palm, cuz Piper's the bomb!
Horseman Headquarters. Leo follows Black Tie through the hallway. Bleach Blond Menial accosts Leo. Leo punches BBM out and drags him into a doorway.
Halliwell Manor. Parlor. Green Tie and Phoebe sit on the sofa, processing. GT praises Phoebe for not being "a common witch." Stop. Please. You're sweeping her off her feet. Not. Phoebe thanks him. Green Tie starts to explain his chanting. Phoebe coyly wonders if, since he's a "bad guy," he "wouldn't happen to be lying to [her]," would he? I often feel sorry for Phoebe getting stuck with so many loser love interests on this program, but then I lose sympathy at the point where she inexplicably starts flirting back at them. Ew. You could do a lot better, girl.
Headquarters. Leo walks into the pledge drive room. He's wearing BBM's outfit. Black Tie is bitching out the workers because the "numbers" are too low. BT loosens his tie.
Halliwell Manor. Kitchen. At the same moment, Yellow Tie loosens his collar also. Piper sees a small tattoo of the omega symbol on his neck. She asks him what it means. He ignores her question. Piper, unruffled, asks him point-blank what the four men are "up to." YT won't answer. Piper: "Well, we're working together, but we don't know what you are." YT sidesteps this question also, and says that the men "just want [their] partner back; it's completely business, like for you." Piper: "No, she's our sister; it's completely personal." YT chuckles at her "mortal weakness."
Parlor. Pheebs and GT, working and flirting. GT wonders if she's "ever been a demon." Phoebe says no. GT argues that he and Pheebs "aren't all that different." Phoebe, referring to the progress in her research, says she just figured out "how good and evil mixed together." GT: "To [sic] such powerful results!" Like, shut up, Demon-o Suav-ay. Suddenly we hear the chimes again, and Phoebe shudders. Prue-amecium floats down the stairwell, towards the spirit board that has been inexplicably moved downstairs onto a tabletop. Phoebe glances over from her vantage point and sees Prue-amecium push the marker around to communicate 4-H-O. Then the Horseman-ecium floats over and pushes her off the spirit board, knocking the marker to the floor. Somehow, Piper hears this HUGE RUCKUS in the kitchen and comes running out, asking Phoebe if she's okay. Phoebe says that she is, and that she's figured out how to reverse the vanquishing. They'll just reverse the participants' positions and chants. GT agrees to the plan. He suggests that everyone meet up in the alley at six-thirty, because the Ts have an "appointment at seven." They leave. Phoebe tells Piper about Prue's truncated message. Piper thinks it might mean "four hours" -- i.e., all the time Prue has left.
Black-out screen. The Apocalypse countdown is now fifty minutes and counting. I don't think I can grip the armrests on my chair any more loosely. Cut to Horseman Headquarters. Bleach Blond Menial runs into the operations room in his undershirt and exposes Leo as a phony. Leo orbs out.
Halliwell Manor. Kitchen. Leo orbs in. Phoebe and Piper greet him and inform him that they have Prue's rescue plan figured out. Leo wonders if they're "sure." He's been spying. Piper: "What did you do? They'll think we don't trust them." (Hey, wait. Didn't Piper already know from a scene that Leo was following Black Tie? Yeah, I thought so.) Leo responds, "You shouldn't. They are the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse." He tells them that an attempt to save Prue could "bring about the end of the world." The docile Ps gape.
There's a cute commercial playing in Atlanta promoting the WB affiliate. These teens walk through some suburban front yards in their baggy-ass jeans while talking about how they've walked in on their parents "doing it" and how mortified they were. One girl saw her mom "doing it" in the bedroom and was "traumatized." A guy notes that his folks "do it every night." The gang walks into one of the girl's houses and she wails, "Mom! By yourself?" Cut to the mom, sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in front of a TV touting the WB logo. She says, "Hi, guys!" and we cut back to the teens covering their eyes, their mouths perfect Os of abject horror. The ad always tickles me.
Halliwell Manor. Sunroom. Leo and the docile Ps argue some more. Leo reiterates his exhortation not to collaborate with the Horsemen because it will bring about the end of the world. The suits represent strife, famine, and death; when they're united with "war" the apocalypse will occur. Phoebe, even more moronic than usual, states her belief that the steps to avert Y2K "bought more time on the whole apocalypse thing." I really shouldn't smack my forehead with my palm that hard, but this is my only logical response to statements like this. Leo counters with some even more preposterous blather that "the monks who converted the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar made some critical errors." Such as a FIVE AND A HALF MONTH GAP error -- the true start of the millennium is seven o'clock that very night. Whatever! Leo tells them that they will be assisting the horsemen in destroying the world if they keep the appointment in the alleyway. Piper still insists on saving her sister. Besides, with Prue's help the Ps can vanquish the horsemen. Leo informs her that only the Source can vanquish the horsemen. Piper grits, "We'll still need Prue to beat them." Leo sighs and realizes that she's not listening to him. He concludes his argument by saying that he "loves" Prue also, but as the Halliwells learned earlier in the "Futurama" episode LINKIT (note, no reference to "Awakened" here, although it's more apt), "sometimes there are more important things than saving your sister."
Apocalypse Countdown. Three minutes to go.
Alleyway. The docile Ps meet up with the Ts. Green Tie knows that they "know who we are." Phoebe: "Yeah. We came anyway. On our side, that's a sign of good faith." Yellow Tie: "Let's just do it." GT asks Pheebs, "Ready?" Phoebe replies, "Bring it on!" They shake hands. Phoebe shudders with a psychic vision. It's in color, unlike Phoebe's usual B&W prophesies, because the image is stock footage of a mushroom cloud that must have been filmed long ago in color, and it's so terribly expensive to de-colorize film. The Ps and Ts take their places on the points of the pentagram, and start to chant. Phoebe stops Piper from reading their spell. She realizes, "Leo's right. I saw what's going to happen. We can't do this, we can't be selfish." BT tells them to keep chanting; they don't want to "kill" their sister. Phoebe tells him that "more is at stake than sisterhood." The Ts get upset at the Halliwells for breaking the deal. Suddenly a cloudy red puddle opens up at the center of the pentagram and lightning bolts emit, zapping the horsemen in their heads. Phoebe grabs her spell page, and urges Piper to read with her; they might be able to get Prue out of this open vortex before the horsemen are destroyed completely. They read the spell as Piper tosses out some potion. A bad blue screen image of Prue leaps out of the void, straight into the docile Ps' arms. Orange Tie pops out also, only to get zapped in the face along with the other horsemen. They all vanish in flames. Prue thanks her sisters for saving her life. They hug.
P3AD. The Halliwells are all sitting in a conversation nook. Phoebe looks pretty smashing in a black cocktail number, while Prue's in an orange top and a print skirt. Piper takes "worst dressed" with her green ruffled long-skirted interpretation of what Laura Ingalls might have worn to the prom, paired with boots (natch). Phoebe, sitting posed on top of the backrest of a sofa, complains that the oblivious, frat-boy two-stepping extras haven't even given them "a thank you" for "saving the world." Shout-out? Just then, Leo appears. He's gentlemanly enough to apologize for having been "hard on" the docile Ps. Phoebe: "We sort of made it hard on you, too." Um, SORT OF? Whatever! Piper tries to speak, but Leo says that everyone was "just doing [their] jobs." Phoebe asks if there's anything else. Leo expositions that the Source realized there was still too much good in the world for his evil plan to work, due to the docile Ps' selfless act of sacrificing their sister to spare the planet, and that's why he killed that team of horsemen. Piper: "So he's giving up?" Leo: "No, he'll just try that much harder." Prue says she's glad their do-gooding is getting attention. Phoebe asks him to stay and have a drink. He demurs, believing that the sisters need some time together, just the three of them. He leaves. The Ps all dogpile on the couch together, and Prue makes the rest of the scene about her, pouting a bit about her sisters leaving her to die in the vortex. Piper and Phoebe say they're sorry. The bartender, holding Phoebe's ethical query book, walks up and asks them to "vote" on the "rescue five strangers or a sibling" question from the first scene of the episode. Piper: "Neither. Play party games on your own time. Get your ass back to work." Actually, the Ps all say in LotD-learned unison, "Five strangers."
Yeah, girls, don't ever forget that you're expendable. Rose McGowan would make an excellent "lost Halliwell" replacement should anything ever happen to Shannen Doherty, IMHO. End.