By Couch Baron
No Dolt! I'm three for three!
Sorry.
A lovely nighttime shot of the Golden Gate bridge gives way to a less lovely shot of the exterior of a "Pop's Gym." Inside, two men are sparring in a boxing ring, while someone on the sidelines coaches one of them. As they trade punches, a man who looks kind of like a Poor Man's Daniel Davis from The Nanny, but with an unfortunate silvery mullet, surreptitiously enters and observes. With one of the boxers already on the ropes, the other, who looks like he could get hit by a tapir and not feel a thing, lands a haymaker, knocking the first one to the mat. The larger man starts to advance, but is held back by the coach with a "Whoa! Whoa! You gonna kill him!" Perhaps he simply thinks the guy has really tasty-looking ears. Nevertheless, I think a boxer who behaves in this fashion would likely have been banned by the WBF ages ago, but all this is just so Poor Man's Daniel Davis With A Mullet can smile evilly to himself. Shut up, PMDDWAM.
Sometime later, the Mack Truck With A Nasty Temper is getting ready to leave when PMDDWAM enters with an appreciative "Luther Stubbs." Thankfully, that's one nickname I can jettison. Actually, I don't really want to dwell on the silver mullet anymore, either. The dude's name is Gabriel, and the writing staff must have thought it ironic to name a warmongering murderer after an angel. I would counter that "ironic" isn't quite the word. It's more...what's the word I'm looking for..."stupid." Anyway, Gabriel slathers on the exposition, telling us that Stubbs was part of the bloodiest fight he's ever seen, and "the other boxer didn't even make it to the hospital. Died in the ring." Well, first off, it's not like this has never happened in real life, but still, nice job, ref. Also, Stubbs presumably knows all this, since he was there and all, so this all comes off more forced than a shotgun wedding. Stubbs airily says that everyone's got to go sometime, and that's just so we don't feel bad about Gabriel drawing a sword and sliding it into Stubbs's gut, saying he needs his "killer instinct." I think what he needs is less "killer instinct" and more "murderous rage," and given that, I'm glad this guy was disposed of before Television Without Pity came into being. A lot of recappers would have died of gut wounds otherwise. Anyway, using the sword, Gabriel sucks some light out of Stubbs's corpse, and leaves, looking very smug. Perhaps now that your sword has accomplished its task, you could use it to CUT YOUR HAIR.
Manor. Piper tells Prue that it's inventory time at [72virg=ins], and that it's going to take days. And I'm sure it will seem like weeks. To me. Prue switches topics to "Grams's statue," which is not a statue of the fabulous woman in question, but instead a hideous behemoth of a thing that I choose to believe Grams would have paid good money not to own. Piper exposits that storage is $90 a month (just for that thing? Five years ago? I don't think so) so she called Phoebe, who agreed they could keep it in the Manor. Prue rightly protests that it's ugly, but Piper takes this opportunity to tell her "majority rules," a theme that's going to be repeatedly shot into our brains with a nail gun this episode. Restraining herself from asking why their dimwitted mooch of a sister gets a vote, Prue rightly protests that it's ugly, prompting Piper to dare her to move it. Prue focuses her eyes, but the thing only teeters back and forth a bit. Piper exposits that it's solid marble, and given that the quarries in Italy are going to run out sometime, I find that the biggest tragedy of this episode. If you've seen Gabriel's hair, you know that's saying a lot. Piper goes on that it took "eight of Phoebe's bouncer friends to move it." Do I need to pause for a moment and ask you to consider how Phoebe could be in a position to ask eight strapping males to make time to herniate their disks for her? Oh, you already knew she's a slut? Then let's move on. Anyway, Prue fervently wishes for a power progression so she can send the marble atrocity flying out the Manor front door. If she times it right, maybe she could put Darryl out of his misery, thus killing two pointless birds with one stone. As it were.
Manor. Piper tells Prue that it's inventory time at [72virg=ins], and that it's going to take days. And I'm sure it will seem like weeks. To me. Prue switches topics to "Grams's statue," which is not a statue of the fabulous woman in question, but instead a hideous behemoth of a thing that I choose to believe Grams would have paid good money not to own. Piper exposits that storage is $90 a month (just for that thing? Five years ago? I don't think so) so she called Phoebe, who agreed they could keep it in the Manor. Prue rightly protests that it's ugly, but Piper takes this opportunity to tell her "majority rules," a theme that's going to be repeatedly shot into our brains with a nail gun this episode. Restraining herself from asking why their dimwitted mooch of a sister gets a vote, Prue rightly protests that it's ugly, prompting Piper to dare her to move it. Prue focuses her eyes, but the thing only teeters back and forth a bit. Piper exposits that it's solid marble, and given that the quarries in Italy are going to run out sometime, I find that the biggest tragedy of this episode. If you've seen Gabriel's hair, you know that's saying a lot. Piper goes on that it took "eight of Phoebe's bouncer friends to move it." Do I need to pause for a moment and ask you to consider how Phoebe could be in a position to ask eight strapping males to make time to herniate their disks for her? Oh, you already knew she's a slut? Then let's move on. Anyway, Prue fervently wishes for a power progression so she can send the marble atrocity flying out the Manor front door. If she times it right, maybe she could put Darryl out of his misery, thus killing two pointless birds with one stone. As it were.
Anyway, Prue and Piper have their attention diverted by karate-style hooting from the solarium. They rush in to find Phoebe -- in pigtails, boxing gloves, and very sensible workout attire -- landing punches and kicks on a plastic model of a man. Said model has lights built into its front side that ostensibly are telling Phoebe when and where to land her techniques. I'm sure there's a joke in there about Phoebe buying a man to satisfy certain needs, but with eight bouncer friends at her beck and call, that hardly seems likely. That is, until Phoebe tells us that the model's name is "Slam Man." Well, I'm always happy to be proven wrong by a shout-out to Demian. Anyway, Phoebe tells us that she got tired of the whole passive-power thing, so she's been taking self-defense classes and charging them on her new credit card. Prue and Piper humor her, even when she claims that her expenditures will pay for themselves the first time she kicks some bad guy's ass. I thought "paying for itself" meant that some actual money would appear in the future as a result of the expenditure, but it's probably fair to guess that Prue and Piper have heard this tune before. Phoebe starts showing off her moves, prompting Prue to jiggle the Slam Man with a little TK, startling Phoebe. Phoebe responds by mock-grappling with Prue, and Piper even gets in on the act with a Karate Kid reference. Girls, it's all fun and games until someone gets flung into a premonition! Phoebe sees Gabriel approach Prue with his sword, and then Prue falls, although we don't actually see the sword, er, penetrate her. Phoebe shakily tells her sisters that she saw Prue die, and the three of them gape and goggle their way into the opening credits.
Massive Attack plays over daytime shots of the city. In the Manor kitchen, Phoebe sketches several drawings of the sword she saw in her premonition. By the way, if I were to make a swords-as-phallic-imagery joke every time I had the opportunity here, this recap would be approximately eight hundred pages long, so let's just say that the sheer number of swords Phoebe has drawn speaks volumes, and then drop the subject entirely. Piper enters the kitchen, and the two of them tell each other they couldn't sleep thinking about Prue. Phoebe shows her a drawing of the sword she saw, but says she couldn't find it in the BoS. Prue bustles in, dressed for work, which causes her sisters no end of consternation, as she promised she wouldn't leave the house until they figured out what they're up against. Don't worry, kids, you're not dead until Alyssa says you're dead. (Oh, come on, I waited three recaps to make that joke!) Prue breezily tells them that Claire called to tell her that a new client wants to put a "major collection" on the market, and that it would be a "serious coup" for Buckland's. Sounds a little suspicious to me, but apathy is a wonderful thing. The younger Ps are unconvinced, but Prue's not having it, although she does promise to come straight home from Buckland's...
...which is where we end up, via a shot of a cable car. Dude, apathy may be a wonderful thing, but my brain's not yet mushy enough to forget that this show is supposed to take place in San Francisco, so why not just make the commercial break a little longer instead of inserting these lame visual reminders? You could even sell the time to Rice-A-Roni, if you're into corporate synergy. In the auction house, Prue and Claire pedexposition that this account could put Buckland's "in the black for years," which, just on feel, sounds like utter horseshit, but whatever. Also, I'm wondering if this episode aired in the right order, because if so, would Claire be so chummy with Prue, considering the fiasco that happened with their last "big client"? At the door to what I think is Prue's office, Claire asks if Prue's ready, which lets Shannen pose for a money shot and a "'Course I am." Boy, I sure hope that's not what she said before she went in to the producers to discuss Season Four. Inside, Claire introduces Prue to a "Helena Statler," who looks sort of like a Poor Man's Carolyn from The Apprentice with slightly darker hair. Prue cracks an unfunny about how she should get a raise, and then we get down to business, as Ms. Statler says that she and her brother have a three-warehouse collection from time periods throughout history, and if they go with Buckland's, Prue would be cataloguing the finest antiquities she's ever seen. Look, I know tons of art and antiquities have gone missing throughout time, but shouldn't someone be raising an eyebrow as to where this heretofore unknown brother and sister got three warehouses of stuff that museum curators would step over their own mothers to get their hands on? If so, it's certainly not Claire, who's looking on as if Prue's her daughter and she just won the Junior Miss Pageant. Ms. Statler advances the idea of a sample appraisal, which causes Prue to balk, as it would take place at the unknown territory of the warehouse. At Claire's "don't make me disown you" glare, though, Prue acquiesces, and everyone's all smiles again. You know there are no wire hangers in Buckland's, right?
[72 virg=ins]. My understanding of why they threw this inventory subplot in is bigger only than my degree of caring about it, so I'm thrilled when Phoebe bustles in to tell Piper that she called Buckland's, and Prue left the office for a meeting. Piper's aghast, but there's more; Phoebe finally found the sword in the BoS, and it's the mark of the "Lords Of War," a clan of supernatural warriors who have been around since the dawn of time and live to start war. The warriors are mortal, but their swords make them "immune to the weapons of man." When one of them is disgraced, he has to steal back his abilities, and one of the things he needs is "the magic of a first-born witch." Any of this make sense? No, you say, but we never hear about them after this episode? Good enough. Piper tells Phoebe to call Prue on her cell while she tries the night-shift manager (Piper doesn't work dinner?) to see if he can cover for her.
Warehouse. Prue pulls in, and is that sporty convertible a company car? Because I am far from a car expert, but it looks like a pretty sweet ride, and if she can afford that at age 27 or 28, she shouldn't be cracking wise about raises to her boss. Anyway, she marches into the warehouse. She's startled when the door closes behind her, but the lights come on and Ms. Statler emerges just as Phoebe calls. Prue switches the phone off, although unlike later in the series, it's not because of the name on the caller ID. She shows off her antiquities knowledge to Ms. Statler, who's suitably impressed. Ms. Statler directs Prue's attention to another piece, which Prue identifies as a pillory from the Spanish Inquisition. But while no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, everyone expects what happens , as Prue puts her wrists in the pillory, and hidden restraints pop out to lock her in place. Gabriel steps out of the shadows, and Ms. Statler introduces them. Gabriel cracks an unfunny about shaking Prue's hand, and Prue asks Ms. Statler what she's doing. The latter snots, "Killing a witch," but really, what is her motivation in all this? She's not one of the Lords herself -- she doesn't have a sword. So if, as Phoebe says, the Lords of War are reincarnated from generation to generation, does it follow that their immediate family members would be sympathetic to their cause, or would get any reward from helping them? I suppose if they're gearing the show toward people who need to be reminded every five minutes what city we're in, they're not expecting us to be asking the really complex questions like "Who did what and why?"
Anyway. Gabriel blusters that Prue's "ancestor's" TK power was focused in her hands, so he figures hers is too. Prue asks, "My ancestor?" Ms. Statler: "A witch named Brianna? You're not the only one who's done her research." Ms. Statler is about to learn what happens when you mouth off to the Prueminator. Sure enough, the eldest P TKs the restraints open, then sends Ms. Statler flying across the room. As Gabriel tries to draw his sword, Prue grabs a convenient axe and buries it in his chest, with no effect. You should have gone for the hair, Prue -- that would at least have done some good. Prue runs for the door, and Gabriel throws his sword at her, missing as it lands in some wood to her. He TKs it back to himself, and I wonder why, if he can manipulate the sword with his mind, he didn't direct it into Prue's back. I guess Alyssa didn't tell him to. (You know, once you start telling that joke, it's pretty hard to stop.) Anyway, Prue speeds away in her sweet ride as the brother and sister make it out of the warehouse to watch her go. Gabriel realizes that Prue's power is in her eyes. His sister thinks they should attack her at home now that she knows about them, but Gabriel nixes that idea, saying that home is where she'll have the Power of Three. He caresses his sister's chin as he tells her they'll think of another way. In the immortal words of Ed Rooney, so that's how it is in their family. At least her motivation makes sense now. A creepy, incestuous sense, but as usual, you have to take what you can get with this show.
Manor living room. Piper gives Prue some shit until Phoebe enters with the BoS and tells them that Brianna was their great-great-great aunt (aren't their powers supposed to have been handed down in a direct line?) and she used her TK power to take away Gabriel's sword, disgracing him. I suppose this is as good a time as any to point out that they never say what power it is that Gabriel's trying to get back. I mean, we just saw he's invulnerable, so who cares if he's disgraced? I would also like to remind you that Charmed takes place in San Francisco. Phoebe theorizes that Brianna was able to move Gabriel's sword hundreds of miles away, which of course makes absolutely no sense, but is an excuse for her to push a power-augmentation spell on Prue, called the "Charm of Multiplicity." My hatred of Andie McDowell precluded me from seeing that movie, but since I still know what it was about and it came out in 1996, I think it's pretty poor of the Ps not to anticipate the wacky hijinx that are about to ensue. Piper's against the idea anyway, saying there might be a Power of Three solution, but Prue, concerned for the welfare of her sisters, is all about saying the spell. Piper insists on a vote, thereby driving another nail into my head, despite the fact that Prue's halfway up to the attic to say the spell and the damn thing was Phoebe's idea. Although you'd think it would give the elder Ps pause that the only reason they got their way in each vote is that Phoebe agreed with them. Prue pedutters the spell, which mentions multiplying her power by three, as Piper and Phoebe bitch at each other, setting Phoebe up to say, "What's the worst thing that can happen?" A Cleansing Burst Of Synchronicity? Wrong! Me being out of beer? Right! The former, however, does happen in the form of a thunderclap from upstairs. Piper I-told-you-sos as the younger Ps rush up the stairs. When they enter the attic, they see Prue on her hands and knees in front of the Book, with swirly golden lights circling her. She expels a figure to her right and to her left, and the three of them stand up. Piper asks, "Prue?" Three Shannen Dohertys respond, "What?" Alyssa Milano didn't have to dig deep to find a look of horror, as this is her worst nightmare made flesh. The five Ps gape and goggle and smile us into the commercial break.
Morning. Phoebe and Piper bitch and moan outside the upstairs bathroom door. Phoebe complains that one Prue is hogging that bathroom, another is in the downstairs bathroom (and it's not that the house shouldn't have a second bathroom, but have we had any indication of it up to this point?) and a third is drinking all the coffee. Well, serves you right for sleeping in, you lazy cow. One Prue, the one I'll be dubbing Perky Prue, opens the door, and with a sunny smile exposits that she's not the real Prue, although she does have her memories, and by the way, they're out of hot water. Piper complains that it's like "The Parent Trap with a B-cup," and as great as my aforementioned hatred of Andie MacDowell is, I'd still rather see her onscreen than Lindsay Lohan, so shut up, Piper. Also, I've seen Prue in later seasons when she lets the appendages in question out to play, so you might want to change that "B" to a "C," or even a "D." Much as I may be doing to the episode grade if things don't pick up soon. Phoebe says she thinks she may know how to get some of the Disney out of their lives, and that's a sentiment I can get behind. It would have spared us Phish 'n' Tits.
Downstairs, the Prues, all wearing black dresses, are all telling each other how great they look, which is more amusing than you might think. I also can't picture either of the other sisters pulling that off. After a little multi-Prue-city nonsense that I'll spare you, Phoebe ascertains that the real Prue is the one who looks exactly like Prue has throughout the episode, while Perky Prue's hair is pulled behind her ears. The other Prue, whom I'll call Predator Prue, is wearing a shortened version of the same dress, as well as shaggier hair and more eye makeup. Phoebe gives out different sweaters for each of them so everyone knows whom everyone is: blue for Predator Prue, pink for Perky Prue, and black for True Prue. In response to a question from Piper, the ersatz Prues inform us that they will only exist as long as they're needed. They go on to suggest tracking down Gabriel by locating the ownership records of one of the artifacts in Buckland's database. So now Buckland's knew about this collection, but Prue wasn't familiar with the names of the owners? Hey, who cares about logic when there are three Prues to mug for the camera! In San Francisco, no less! True Prue says she's already got her...er, "[their]" (ha ha, not) assistant on it. Predator Prue: "Are we good, or what?" I don't know, but Phoebe's got some bouncer friends who'd probably be willing to tell you. Piper asks if they're strong enough now, and in response, the three Prues link hands and focus their eyes on the marble monstrosity, and with their combined power, it rises easily into the air. After they set it back down, the doorbell and the phone ring simultaneously, and the ersatz Ps set off to field them. Perky Prue answers the door to find Andy. After some lipless flirting, Andy tells Prue that some tickets they ordered to the "Bay Area Music Awards" came in the mail. I have no idea if that's a real event, but if it is, Pamie and Stee should totally recap it. It can't be any worse than some of their other joint projects. Anyway, Andy forks over the tickets, and rather sweetly tells her she can take anyone she likes, but he'd be happy to squire her to hear the "good music." Hee. Right. He leaves, and Perky Prue sighs over the one that got away. However, before she and True Prue can wax nostalgic about what it's like to make out with a man with no lips, Predator Prue butts in; she tells them that Claire was on the phone, and if one of them doesn't get in to the office pronto, the three of them will be looking for other employment. The younger Ps can't believe that Prue's going to put herself at risk again, but the ersatz Prues point out that two of them together can hold off Gabriel, so two of them will go to Buckland's, while the other will go to [72virg=ins] with Piper, who can protect her with her power to freeze. Piper and Phoebe aren't convinced, but Prue trumps their objections with a vote, which, with the aid of the ersatz Prues, she wins three to two. time you're considering pushing a theme like this on us, Charmed writers, remember this: The majority may rule, but the minority can still turn off the TV. However, the recapper unfortunately can't, so on we go.
Buckland's. Perky Prue guides True Prue, who's hiding her face behind a magazine, down the hall. Before they reach an office, Perky Prue shoves True Prue off to the side and into a wall, which was actually a little amusing. Perky Prue enters to find a young woman who must be the aforementioned assistant. The assistant tells her that Claire's been looking for her, and then gives her a copy of the ownership records she requested. Perky Prue then gets rid of the assistant by sending her to gather some sales records, and considering that the assistant protests that it could take days, I'm with True Prue when she points out that it wasn't a very nice thing to do. This is why perky people are to be avoided. Give me the ones who look like Cro-Magnons until their second cup of coffee. Prue argues with herself until Claire's voice cuts in from the hall. Perky Prue shoves True Prue behind the door as Claire pokes her head in and demands an explanation, as Ms. Statler called and said she was so offended by Prue's behavior that she's taking her collection to Christie's. Perky Prue lies through her smiling teeth that she's already talked to Ms. Statler and convinced her to meet with Prue again, this time at her estate, and she holds up the address to further her case. Claire's mollified, but says she's going with Prue this time. Claire leaves, and True Prue says that she'll take Claire to the wrong address and pretend they got stood up, while Perky Prue can get Predator Prue at [72virg=ins] and go back to the Manor. Prue calls Phoebe to check in, while Perky Prue points out that that's unnecessary, as if there were a problem, Phoebe would have called. Prue looks like she's getting ready to slap herself silly, but Claire's voice interrupts her. This time, it's True Prue that shoves her other self behind the door. Claire notices the change in Prue's attire, but doesn't have time to dwell on it, as True Prue practically drags her out of there, and I'm with her that they should GET IT IN GEAR, NOW.
[72virg=ins]. Perky Prue calls Piper, and tells her to get Predator Prue and go back to the Manor, as everyone's meeting there before they go to Gabriel's estate. Piper frets about what Gabriel might do if they take his sword again, which is stupid, but affords her the chance to say, "I just don't want to lose you. Any of you." Prue promises she won't, so we know which copy of Prue is seeing the business end of the sword first.
Piper goes to get Predator Prue, and finds her flirting seductively with some non-speaking employees. Before it can turn into a tawdry (I knew I'd use that word at some point) version of Tampopo, however, Piper breaks it up, and bitches that Predator Prue is nothing like True Prue, but Predator Prue demurs, and blah blah blah id-cakes. Piper sends Predator Prue out of the kitchen. That seems like a good idea, for health reasons alone.
Parking garage. Perky Prue enters from the elevator just in time to almost be seen by Claire, who's driving out with True Prue. When they're gone, a smoke bomb tumbles down the stairs and goes off harmlessly, except for the bright light it emits, which blinds Perky Prue. She reels against a car as Gabriel draws his sword and blathers triumphantly. Perky Prue desperately focuses her eyes in his direction, causing his sword to fly up, cutting his face. Enraged, he skewers her in the stomach. In Claire's car, Prue doubles over in horrible pain. Perky Prue breathes her name, and expires. Ms. Statler runs over to Gabriel and asks where Prue's soul is, and Gabriel bellows that he's been tricked, as she has none. Claire, horrified, asks True Prue if she's okay, but she's clearly not. Ending a rather well done little scene, True Prue cries us into the commercial break.
Cable car. They have those in Atlanta? Establishing shot of a coroner's office. The coroner starts talking, and even before we see him, I recognize the voice as that of Bernie Kopell, Dr. Adam Bricker from The Love Boat. Hey, when I was nine, Saturday night was The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. I can't believe my parents let me watch that trash, but how else was I going to learn how the rich and tawdry behaved? (There's that word again. It can't be helped -- it's just too good.) Dr. Bricker is telling Andy that he's got a homicide victim, and opens one of the drawers and slides Perky Prue out as Andy's attention is occupied by her personal effects. He finds the music awards tickets, and knowing full well that he's the only one who sent away for them, looks up in horror to see Perky Prue's corpse. First stage of grief: Liplessness.
Phoebe punches away at Slam Man, and you just know that the sales motto was "Satisfaction guaranteed." The doorbell rings, and it's Andy, wiping the glycerine from his eyes. He breaks the news to Phoebe, saying that Prue's body was found in a ravine near the Presidio. He goes on that they found a few drops of blood at the scene that could belong to the killer, which will be relevant to the Ps for reasons that should be obvious. Phoebe, thinking the odds are pretty good that it wasn't True Prue, asks Andy what color sweater she was wearing. Andy can't believe her reaction, but upon being pressed, tells her it was pink. Phoebe buries her head in her hands and says "Thank God" in relief. She then rather hilariously tries to cover by telling Andy that it's no secret that she and Prue fought at times. The jokes are flying through my head like bats in a belfry. Which perhaps is not an inappropriate metaphor. Andy's starting to berate Phoebe when Piper appears with Predator Prue. Andy babbles incoherently until the front door opens to reveal True Prue. Piper, moving fast, freezes Andy before he can see True Prue. Phoebe explains why Andy's there, and True Prue isn't surprised given what she felt in the car, although Predator Prue says she didn't feel anything. I'm not sure feelings are your long suit, hon. Anyway, the younger Ps send True Prue out of the room before Andy unfreezes. Piper and Phoebe try to get Andy out the door, but he's not ready to leave until Predator Prue calmly tells him that it means the world to her that he came, but she's alive and kicking. He starts to go, but then mentions the music tickets, and of course Predator Prue has no idea that they'd arrived. Sneaky, Andy. Outside, he walks down the stairs, and we see that Ms. Statler is watching the house. Since she returns to her estate later, I'm not sure what the point of this is, but I suppose logic is just a gleam in a Vulcan's eye at this point in time.
Back inside, Predator Prue is telling the others that since she's still there, Gabriel is still a threat. The Prues come up with the plan to capture Ms. Statler and exchange her for Gabriel's sword. Predator Prue says it will work because Gabriel has this "weird binding passion" for his sister, like, ew. Phoebe and Piper want to go along, but Prue nixes that idea, as she's more protective of her sisters than of herself. They don't vote on it. Whether that's because it would end in a tie or because the Prues would break said tie by TKing their sisters into a closet and bolting the door is for you to decide.
Incestate. Ms. Statler, leaning all over Gabriel, tells him that she saw two different Prues over the course of the day, and counsels him to attack them at home in the hours right before dawn. He moves an oversized chess piece on a board in front of him and says, "Checkmate," and hikes his tongue down her throat. That last part may have happened after the cameras cut away.
Manor. Piper and Phoebe barge into Prue's bedroom and demand a word with True Prue in private. Predator Prue leaves the room, and the younger Ps berate True Prue for her plan, saying that the Incestate could be a death trap, and that Gabriel, as a strategist, will have studied her and learned how protective she is. Piper and Phoebe's rather sane argument sways True Prue, who says they need to come up with another plan. But as it happens, that won't be necessary, as Predator Prue cocks an eyebrow and heads out to deal with Gabriel on her own. The real Ps emerge from the bedroom, quickly deduce what happened, and set out to stop Predator Prue "before she does something." I'd be more concerned about her doing someone, but then again, given how little action True Prue has gotten lately, more power to her.
Incestate. Ms. Statler, standing in a torture device that looks like an oddly-shaped metal coffin with spikes on the inside, urgently calls for her brother. He appears, and is aghast. He walks forward, and then Predator Prue emerges from behind Ms. Statler with a victorious smile on her face. Gabriel draws his sword, but Predator Prue tut-tuts that what they have, in war terms, is a reversal of fortune, so Gabriel can just hand over his sword to save his sister. She TKs the spikes a bit closer to Ms. Statler to show she's not kidding around. Gabriel says that she's not the real Prue, as she wouldn't be dumb enough to face him there. Interestingly, that's exactly the opposite of what Piper concluded earlier, so perhaps Gabriel isn't quite the Sun Tzu they thought he was. I suppose I needn't point out again that his hair certainly shows bad enough judgment, but if you've seen it, you'll agree that it really can't be said enough. Gabriel asks how many Prues there are. Prue's face gives away nothing, but somehow Gabriel takes this to mean that she's the last clone, like, WHY? He tells Prue that if she lets his sister go, he'll make her death painless, but in response, she TKs the spikes again and flatly demands his sword. He gives it up, but not the way she wanted, as he throws it into his sister. Well, I guess she's wondering why she helped him now. Gabriel telekinetically retrieves his sword and advances on Predator Prue, who seems to have lost her nerve at this point, because that's the only explanation I can come up with for NOT SENDING GABRIEL FLYING ACROSS THE ROOM. Oy.
In the car, Piper is luckily driving, as Prue has shotgun, and Phoebe's riding bitch in the back. I love when the meta-commentary is unintentional. Prue gasps in pain again, although it doesn't seem to be as severe as when Perky Prue bit it. Prue breathes that she's gone, and Phoebe strokes her hair into the last commercial break.
Manor. The Ps discuss the blood the police found near Perky Prue's body, and it's Phoebe who realizes that Gabriel's own sword can hurt him, so maybe they should try to kill him using it. Prue leans over to give Phoebe props, which come in the form of another premonition. She sees another smoke bomb crash through the solarium window, and Gabriel leaping in after it. She tells her sisters that Gabriel's on his way.
Andy's back with Dr. Bricker, who confirms that the corpse in question's fingerprints match Prue's exactly. They tiresomely argue the point until Andy tells him not to tell anyone else, and leaves. How did that scene not end up on the cutting-room floor?
Manor. Prue waits in the solarium until the lights short out. She quickly puts on a pair of dark glasses in advance of Phoebe's premonition playing out. Gabriel jumps through the window, and seeing that Prue thwarted that part of his plan, snarls, "Clever witch." Prue runs, and he comes after her, sword drawn. Amazingly, he doesn't bat an eye when he walks by the marble monstrosity, but when he sees the shadowy figure of Slam Man, he throws his sword, destroying him in a shower of sparks. Piper pops up from behind the couch to lay a freeze on him, and then Phoebe boots him in the face, which was not just unnecessary but counterproductive, since it knocked him out of the freeze before Prue even had the sword in her hands. But Gabriel tumbles to the floor in a heap, and then Prue retrieves the sword and TKs it into his chest. The sword sucks out his life force, and Gabriel and the sword disappear down to hell. I raise the episode grade at this point, by the way, just in appreciation of the fact that no one said, "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword," or something of that ilk. Instead, Prue snarks that it's too bad Phoebe didn't boot him into the statue, which is actually pretty funny. I mean, words cannot describe that thing. The doorbell rings, and Prue answers it to find Andy. She points out that it's four in the morning, and he doesn't dignify that by in turn pointing out that the Ps are all awake and dressed. Instead, he says that she's got to go with him to the morgue, and he'll drive. Andy, I know I gave you flak about the awards show, but taking a girl out to see dead bodies is definitely a step down in the date department.
Morgue. Of San Francisco. Andy opens the drawer, but of course, Perky Prue's clothes are all that remain. He whines about weird coincidences, but at four-thirty in the morning, Prue's not having it, and insists he take her home. Andy sucks his lips in further, if that's possible, and grimaces us out of the scene.
Wrap-up at [72virg=ins]. Phoebe reads from the newspaper that the only thing found by Ms. Statler's body was a blue sweater. I thought there might also have been a time machine, since there's no way her body was discovered in time to make the morning edition. Prue has flowers for her beleaguered assistant, and Piper wraps up the inventory. So the project took two days, and she was barely at the restaurant for them. Whatever. Phoebe notes that there won't be three Prues around to do things like "hogging all the good clothes." Prue: "You know, one day you might hear what you actually sound like when you say stuff like that." I didn't know shout-outs came big enough to crush people to death. I hope Demian managed to take cover. Prue toasts them all, but with Phoebe throwing in a self-toast and with none of them toasting with alcohol, I think they're begging for something bad to happen. Like Eilish. Piper wonders if Andy will ever figure out the truth, and Prue thinks they shouldn't underestimate him. That's not easy to do.
Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World. Andy's got a confidential file on Prue. He pulls out an article entitled "Black Magic and Witchcraft," along with the tickets and Perky Prue's fingerprints, and then puts the whole thing away. The camera pans out as he rocks his chair back and forth. DUN! Well, except for the part where he finds out, and then dies, and is never really spoken of again. Perhaps I should just settle for, "DONE!" Yeah, that's a happier thought anyway.