So where was I? Oh, the hostess beckons to Prue that their table is ready as Phoebe tells Piper that she and Prue will come get her. Piper, not even at [72virg=ins], goes into martyr mode, saying that she can figure it out, and then that she has to call the "Auto Club," which isn't so much figuring it out, unless she was referring to their phone number. She hangs up, worrying Phoebe, but Prue suggests they call back in fifteen minutes. For the continuity-minded among you, Phoebe is drinking Perrier, so unless I missed an episode somewhere along the line where Phoebe got tanked, they've been consistent about the fact that she doesn't drink. Also, Prue left a nearly-full drink on the counter. Prue, you're spending the evening with your sisters. You're gonna need the sauce. Phoebe asks what Prue thinks of her "idea." I'm surprised Prue's heart didn't give out just at the fact of Phoebe having one. Prue's conflicted, as the "idea" entails hiring Phoebe as her assistant. In expressing what I think of that plan, I'm going to do a Charmed take on an old SNL skit and call it "Eilish Jeans." Phoebe, however, doesn't agree with me, saying that she's great with phones, better with people, and "very computer-friendly." Getting boinked in the computer room in high school doesn't count, hon. Also, not. Prue smirks patiently through Phoebe's pitch, which includes, "When opportunity knocks, I answer the door." Opportunity can just get in line. Anyway, Prue finally gives in with a "Kin you start tomorrow?" Phoebe excitedly, and even somewhat endearingly, says yes, and immediately squelches the burgeoning likeability by asking Prue for a ride. Prue smiles all, "What have I gotten myself into?" One hell of a boring B-plot, sweets.
Piper's phone dies, and she -- wait for it -- sighs in frustration. From the nearby bushes, we're ordered to pay attention by The Tell-Tale Sound Of Something In The Bushes. It would have been much more fun if they played the "CHI-chi-chi-chi-chi AH-ah-ah-ah-ah" music from the Friday The Thirteenth movies, but they probably would have had to pay rights for that. I doubt the estate of Edgar Allan Poe ever thought to claim the soundtrack rights to his stories, but you never know with relatives. Where was I again? Oh, yes. Piper spies a telephone booth so incongruous in these rather dark woods that I half-expect Abe Lincoln to step out of it with a "Party on, dudes!" And then Billy The Kid could sweep Piper off her feet and marry her, obviating the Dolt. Please, phone booth. Obviate the Dolt. Sigh. She starts toward it, but hears a twig snap nearby. If I were Piper, and if this were really Golden Gate Park, I wouldn't worry about the denizens of those bushes being interested in her, if you take my meaning. Prue would be an entirely different story. Piper, however, quickens her pace. We hear The Tell-Tale Sound again, and another noise amps Piper's fear up some more. She looks around wildly, and eventually, a large creature, partially obscured by the bushes, stands up. Piper shrieks, as opposed to later seasons when she shrikes, and runs for the phone booth. She gets inside, but the creature immediately attacks, knocking it and her over. The creature, incidentally, strongly resembles a person trapped in werewolf costume that was the only thing left on the shelves at the Halloween store at 5 PM on October 31st. No wonder it's pissed off. The Get Me Out Of This Stupid Costume punches through the glass, but before it can attack Piper further, some dude runs out of the bushes and attacks it with a flare gun. No, it's not Anthony Michael Hall. The creature runs into the woods. Piper now reveals to the camera that she's got three very fake-looking (those things should be spewing blood) gashes on her forearm. Not!hony Michael Hall rushes up and tells Piper everything's going to be okay. Two words for you, buddy: Death. Warrant. Piper goggles us into the opening credits.