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This show isn't getting better.
Mia's parents show up at her office unexpectedly. They couldn't call, because they were busy being the stock busybody mom and passive dad on every other TV show ever created. Mia's mom sets Mia up with Jason, a neurosurgeon. They meet for coffee and he's totally a model and not at all a brain surgeon, but Mia seems to like him. He doesn't seem to be that into her, but he's nice. So, she asks him to act like her boyfriend at a party where she knows Jack will be. Jason's dating someone too. He totally makes a good show for Mia's friends, and later they decide to actually start dating, even though they're both Asian. Later, Jack sees Mia on the street and tells her that he's conflicted about breaking up. She says that she wants to move on.
Caitlin goes to a lesbian wedding shower with Alicia. She meets a cute guy while there and gives him her number. Not to put the kibosh on the Sapphic aspirations of this show, but she had so much more chemistry with wedding-shower dude than Alicia.
Zoë had been planning Luke's Laser Tag birthday party for months. Katherine plotted to have an important meeting moved to the day of the party, so Zoë would be gone and she could take control. Clayton totally enabled her chicanery. On the day of the party/meeting, Katherine lost control of the proceedings and had to call Zoë for help, at which point it became evident that it was Katherine and Clayton who wanted to change the meeting. This is war.
Davis bought Juliet a car. She was dealing with this sexy and difficult European guy at work, who is most likely going to be some sort of love interest. Later, Juliet sees Davis with Cilla. Turns out that Davis's hedge fund is in trouble and he asked Cilla for money. And, the car was purchased for appearances, not for romantic getaways with Juliet. She packs his bags and tells him they're finished. And, seriously, I don't consider myself a genius, but I'm not an idiot either, and I don't know why this episode was called "The Deciders." Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Zoë witnessed Katherine and Clayton having an affair, after which Katherine enjoyed a promotion. Caitlin is enmeshed in vague difficulties related to her maybe lesbian-ness. Mia wrote a Letter From The Publisher in Modern Man that was meant for Jack. Juliet told Davis that she would be having an affair as revenge for his fling with Cilla Gray, but she didn't.
It's morning in New York and there's our beloved Central Park. Zoë, in three-inch heels, is in a playground area of the park, giving an animated explanation of her vision for Luke's Laser Tag-themed birthday party to Eric. He bemusedly remarks that Zoë has been planning this party for eight months. Well, she doesn't want this party to turn out like last year's disaster. Waiting...but no -- no explanation of how last year's party was a disaster. Was Luke even potty-trained last year? He can hardly talk -- how can he be old enough to freak out about the quality of his birthday party? That said, I want to hear about the crappy birthday party. But, nothing. Eric says that Luke didn't have "a horrible time" at last year's birthday party, and Zoë says, "What an accomplishment! Aren't I supermom?" Eric says that yes, in fact, sometimes she is. I guess her supermom costume includes super-high heels and fake eyelashes and a fashion-y red suit with a slit up the back of the skirt to the thigh like she's wearing right now, because didn't normal Zoë give Katherine the stink-eye last week because she thought her office attire was inappropriate? What she's wearing is no more polished for a banking environment. I understand -- if you've got Pat Field on the payroll, you're going to let her do her thing -- but then don't have one of your leads point out that another person's clothing is too provocative and the week parade her around in stilettos and drag-queen eyes. Zoë gets a text on her Blackberry, makes a face, and tells Eric that she has to get into the office. Then, she runs off.
In Zoë's office, a meeting is taking place. This guy, who I'm assuming is someone they're representing for an acquisition (?), is wearing flannel and flip-flops at the conference-room table. I guess it's Dress Like Singles Or Other Equally Dated Grunge Reference Day. Katherine is in the meeting as well. Zoë bursts into the room and greets flip-flops as "Shane." He says that he just flew in that day and managed to "kill" Halo 3 and "throw down some code" for his new site. I bet the writer of this episode totally has a Fall Out Boy sticker on his walker. She tells Shane that they are going to sell his company for a lot of money, and then asks Katherine to step outside with her. Zoë is upset that Katherine started the meeting without her. She explains that they had been waiting for her, but Zoë says that it still wasn't her decision to make. Katherine reminds Zoë that Clayton promoted her because he has faith in her "abilities" and wants her to take more initiative. Zoë's all, "We know about your 'abilities,'" but Clayton's not handling this deal, Zoë is. Katherine says that Zoë's pulling rank, but Zoë points out that she's responsible for everything that happens, so she's the leader. Katherine says she gets it, and then facetiously asks if she can go make water. Zoë whispers that she thinks that would be fine.
Okay -- bad writers. In this setting, Katherine would simply be wrong. No two ways about it. In fact, Zoë would probably be happy if she walked into this situation, because she would know she was one step closer to getting Katherine out of her hair. The writers are lazy. People are actually trying to get other people's jobs all the time (that's what we're to believe that Katherine is trying to do), but this doesn't seem like a way that would happen. Taking credit for someone else's work, blaming someone for something that went wrong, keeping someone out of the loop (without fingerprints -- people aren't stupid; they would know what you were doing if they saw the evidence); these are all ways that you could conceivably usurp someone's position. Sure, they're a little subtler, and you would perhaps need more than one handy-dandy scene like we've got here to make the point. But, it's not like this show has a surplus of Story coming out of its ears. They could stand to take their time and give us a complex picture of multi-generational women (it's so weird to write that because O'Connor is such a hottie, but she said it first) working together in the corporate world. That said, Frances O'Connor and Kate Levering just did the absolute best job that anyone could do with these words. They were witty and sexy and they had zilch to work with. And, is it just me, or is Levering one of the only performers on this program settling into a somewhat exciting and unique characterization? Not that the other actresses are seriously to blame for not being able to make filet mignon out of a dead dog, but I like this girl. She seems to get a little sharper every time she's onscreen.
Mia is at work in her office when we hear someone call, "Mimi!" It's Mia's parents; Mia didn't know they were visiting. Mother, who is clearly sitcom mom pushy/annoying at first sight, says that Mia's father had a dentist appointment with "that Jewish man on Riverside." So many problems with this line. I'm assuming the writers felt that they needed to devise a way for the parents to plausibly spring a surprise visit on Mia, but if they use a dentist in Manhattan, where do they live, Germany? I say this because it has been established that Mia's office is on 23rd Street and, unless you were making a trek to the dentist in the first place, they are not near each other. And, to identify your Manhattan dentist as "that Jewish man" is like referring to a Kenyan as "THE fast runner." Or maybe they were just trying to establish that she's aware of race? Still -- the Jewish doctor thing is so lame. Why not "The nice Latina girl showed us to your office." Well, maybe they wanted to also establish that the mom was a little abrasive? She lives in New York, though -- she still knows that there are tons of Jewish dentists. There are so many people in L.A. who want jobs like the writers on this show have/had. You just wish that they wouldn't be so fucking lazy. Mom, played by Broadway actress Jodi Long, tells Mia that she has already walked four miles that morning, closed an escrow, and marinated some beef. As she's saying this, she's looking at the work on Mia's desk. Mia is following her and throwing away trash from her desk and generally looking nervous for Mom's approval. Mia asks if she likes the office, and Mom answers, "It's very big. Do you share it with other people?" Again, she's a power-walking, escrow-closing, early-rising, suit-wearing New Yorker and she would actually think that the publisher of an apparently huge magazine group would share an office? Perhaps she's just being an asshole, but the tone is all over the place, so who would know? Seriously, I'm not trying to be a killjoy, and I do derive an amount of enjoyment from watching this pretty show, but I'm just being real. There are problems. Mia reminds her mother that she's publisher and wouldn't need to share an office.
Suddenly, a woman bursts in and says that they have a "big problem with Katie's nipples!" Mia introduces the woman as Wendy, the editor of Havoc. I know her as Mary Testa, Broadway bad-ass and current star of Joe R's fave Xanadu. Not to geek out here, but she has the best interview in my favorite showbiz documentary, Broadway: The Golden Age, By The Legends Who Were There. (You have to say it with the subtitle, every time you say it. It's a rule.) With the Masons looking on with low-intensity horror, Wendy says that Katie's nipples weren't airbrushed out; she wonders if Mia "approved" that. Ushering Wendy out of her office, she says that she's publisher and doesn't handle nipples. Yeah, but there are a ton of thing she does do on this show that an actual publisher wouldn't do either, so why draw the line at nipples? Wendy screams back into the office that they have to send something to Katie, and Mia has to authorize a $20,000 expenditure. Huh? As an apology for her nipples? Does it cost that much to airbrush? Again, who knows? But, PLEASE bring back Mary Testa for more. I'm begging.
Once Wendy has gone, Mia smiles at her parents and says, "She's very energetic." Dad replies, "Welcome to my world." Mom asks Mia if she's seeing anyone, and Mia reminds her that she and Jack just broke up. Mom says that she never liked Jack -- Mia was smarter than he is and he knew that. Which is kind of smart of him, wouldn't you say? Mom tells Mia that she's found someone for her, which immediately sends Mia into a tizzy, but Mom pushes through. She says his name is Jason Chun, he's a doctor, and he has never been married. I guess the "never married" part starts getting unique the older you get. That's an interesting thing to think about. Mom adds that Jason just moved to New York from Seattle, and that his mother says he's very handsome. Mia says that's the "kiss of death," and she's probably right. Mom adds that she has a date to meet Jason at 5 PM that day. Dad says that there's only one way to stop her, but it looks like Mia decides not to shoot her with a silver bullet. She says that she will agree to meet Jason if Mom agrees not to try to set her up with anyone for at least a year. Mom says that she just wants Mia to be happy, and Mia defensively and unconvincingly says that she is happy. Then, she grabs her Blackberry to mark the one-year date of no set-ups in her calendar.
Juliet is having a meeting in her office. She tells Roman from Gossip Girl that he needs to "close this deal" if he wants to make his boutique hotel in Miami a global brand. His name is Gerard Dumais, and he says that everything must live up to the Gerard Dumais name. He just put a lot of pressure on himself. Juliet made some changes to some contract and says that he's going to be very happy with it, but Roman says that those are just words. His language is that of colors, music, and textures. He is a perfectionist, and he demands the right to veto any aspect of the hotels that they will be collaborating on. Juliet says that she is a perfectionist too! (Oh, and Chris Alberghini and Mike Chessler are the writers of this episode. Boys, we need to talk.) Roman wants to know how can she stand to work in a building where the windows don't open. "That's the design of the building," she replies. Well, the windows in his hotels will open, and that's non-negotiable. It's Roman of the Suicide Johnson chain of hotels. So luxurious. You check in and then you check out.
Roman leaves just as Davis enters. "What's up with Pepe Le Pew?" he asks. Juliet says that she has been trapped in her office with him for hours. Hmm, that's funny, because their conversation sounded totally surface and it felt like we heard the entire gist of what they had to say to each other. Whatever. Davis asks if Juliet's trying to make him jealous, which he really should know better than to ask. Throw salt on an open wound, why don't ya? Juliet says that, no, she's not trying to make Davis jealous. She starts to make a phone call, but Davis puts his finger on the cradle. He tells her to come outside with him. Intrigued, she follows.
Outside, while Davis and Juliet are jaywalking, he tells her that he's taking her to a romantic dinner at Blue Hill at Stone Barns. That's a freaking fantastic restaurant and a great reference. Seriously, it's a place about a half-hour from the city that's an organic farm; they grow the food they prepare. So, not only is it a world-class meal, it's sustainable; which would seem to be totally irrelevant to Cashmere Mafia until you consider how unsustainable this show is with the current quality of writing. If only these scripts were written on an organic farm. Juliet tells Davis that's sweet, but that she's meeting the girls for drinks that evening and the restaurant's so far out of town. (See the girls later; it's only thirty-five minutes by train). Davis suggests that she drive, and then points at a freaking hot blue Aston Martin. He bought it for Juliet this morning. He'd heard her say at Palm Beach that she liked the Bartells' similar car. She says that she was just making conversation because the Bartells are tedious. Davis says that they never get away together, and that this super-expensive car is the perfect way to do that! Juliet relents and says he'd better not get any funny ideas about the back seat. Ha! Scintillating. Then, Davis says it would be fun to do the annual "power couple" photo shoot in Portmanteau, which is one of the Barnstead magazines. Juliet says she would feel like an exhibitionist showing all of her things, but Davis tells her to think about it. Then, in the sun visor, Juliet finds a speeding ticket. She's shocked that Davis could have gotten one already, when he just said he bought the car that morning, but the ticket was written in Southampton. Uh-oh. Davis says that he had to go see an investor there who wouldn't agree to drive into the city. But, Juliet reminds him that he'd said he bought the car that morning. Oh wait, he had the car detailed that morning. It got dirty coming from the factory? No, it got dirty on the way back from the Hamptons! What's your problem, Juliet? It's like you don't trust Davis. He tells her to calm down, and says that he doesn't need an alibi. She gives him a kiss and says that she loves the car almost as much as he does.
Later, at a coffee shop, Mia looks around for an Asian guy and finds Jason. He's a total fox, but looks like he's twenty-five, tops. His haircut was like $150. And, he's a model, not a doctor. Not that doctors can't be hot (my friend Jodi's husband, I'm looking at you), but there's still a "model vs. hot doctor" gap. When Mia greets him, Jason says that he took the liberty of ordering a choice of items for her -- double cappuccino, espresso, or green iced tea. Wow, he's trying hard. She compliments his efficiency. Her first question for him is how often his mother sets him up like this. Once a day, he says, and they giggle. Mia informs Jason that she kept this date as a way to make her mother agree not to set her up with anyone for a year. Dude, your multiple coffee purchases now seem to have been made in vain. Mia makes conversation by asking Jason about being a doctor, and he tells her that he is the Chief of Neurosurgery and Professor of New Neurotherapies at NYU. That's just totally not true. Even if he were this unbelievably good-looking and model-groomed doctor, there's just no way. But, carry on. Mia is impressed and amused. She says that you don't really meet brain surgeons unless there is something going wrong inside of your head, other than hearing the voices of your boss and mother. Blah. Jason asks Mia if he should crack open her head and take a look. Maybe you do an x-ray or something less invasive first? These doctors are just butchers these days. Mia says that's more of a second-date thing for her. Jason asks Mia about her job. While she's telling him, his cell phone rings. He has to take it. Hers rings too, and they have dueling conversations. Hers is apparently from Wendy, asking about money for Katie's apology gift. Mia won't authorize $25,000, and says that they should send a "nice note." Jason's conversation is about somebody's cancer treatment. Finally, she exclaims, "They're just nipples!" That apparently signals the end of both calls, because both of them hang up without saying goodbye. Mia says, "Well, I put that fire out." Goo-goo eyes.
Zoë and Katherine are walking Shane from the boardroom to Zoë's office. Zoë tells Shane which investor will be right for his company, while Katherine interjects some overly complicated information about one of the investors looking for a "beachhead to cross-platform their brand." He doesn't know what that means, so Zoë translates -- it means "butt loads of cash." She also gives him a box with a pair of shoes and socks in it, explaining that the casual Silicon Valley look may be okay for their office, but that the "money guys" don't like looking at toes, even their own. Katherine laughs along.
Mia and Jason are comparing battle wounds. Mia got hit by a bike messenger (totally happens) and got a scar on her calf. Jason got hit by a baby carriage on the Upper East Side, leaving a scar on his shin. Some of the women with strollers up there are totally careless, entitled bitches with their fucking baby carriages, but you'd have to get hit really hard to leave a scar. I mean, they're made for protecting babies. They're soft. Jason and Mia have apparently finished and get up to leave. They both say that the meeting was unexpectedly fun. Jason says that it was great meeting Mia, and in the clunkiest fashion ever seen in any dramatic form, Mia goes in to kiss/hug him while he offers his hand to shake. So bad. I've seen more subtle work on Hannah Montana. Anyway, Mia shakes Jason's hand and they part. Mia pauses, confused and disappointed.
That night, at drinks with the girls, Zoë tries to comfort Mia by suggesting that maybe Jason was distracted. By what? Caitlin suggests the notion that if he's off a millimeter on his surgery on "Mrs. Smith's" frontal lobe, she'll walk backwards and hiccup. Juliet asks Mia if she and Davis can be in the Portmanteau "power couple" issue. Zoë asks if it's the right time for her to do that sort of thing. Juliet answers that she and Davis are committed to making their marriage work. She wants to do something positive, because she doesn't want to end up an angry alcoholic like a character in an Edward Albee play. Zoë asks if she saw the one where the husband fucked a goat. Juliet says she would have preferred Davis to have fucked a goat rather than Cilla, because then Juliet wouldn't have had to get tested for STDs. I'm not really sure that's true. I'm sure there are lots of things that you can get from goats. Other than chevre. Zoë decides to change the subject, and asks Caitlin if she's going to Luke's birthday party. She can't, because she has a "thing" on Saturday. This makes everyone nervous. Mia says that the last time Caitlin had a "thing," it ended with a drunken 3 AM phone call begging Mia to pick Caitlin up. Caitlin says that she was in an Italian restaurant in Nolita and didn't know the name. Mia corrects her -- she was at Burritoville, and it was in the Meatpacking District. It's nothing like that, says Caitlin; this "thing" is a lesbian bridal shower. Juliet asks if it's with Alicia, and Caitlin answers, "No, it's with Joey Briggs from the Sanitation Department." Ha! Caitlin has been invited as sort of a meet-the-friends occasion. Caitlin says that she likes waking up with Alicia, which I guess answers our questions about whether or not they've been doing the deed. Mia says that being a lesbian suits Caitlin, and they all toast to her one-month anniversary as a lady lover. She has stuck with this longer than she did Tae Bo, cognitive therapy, and carb-busters. Yet, it's still nine years younger than that joke. She says that women communicate. If something is bothering you, and you're a woman and the other person is a woman, you talk about it. Mia takes this opportunity to make it about her again and says, "Like, what's up that handshake?" As she's wondering if perhaps she smelled like feet or had unsightly panty lines or a oozing cold sore (it's probably for the best that she didn't ponder whether she was interesting to him or not)...
...we see Jack entering the restaurant from behind Mia. He approaches and says hello; she dismounts from her lofty barstool and turns around. Jack tells her that it's great to see her, which is odd, since he hasn't even called her since breaking their engagement. Jack is joined by, I swear to God, Tracy Scoggins. She's so '80s, I can see the reflection of a disco ball on her face. Jack introduces her as Liz, his new girlfriend. Geez! His dead engagement hasn't even cooled yet! Liz says that she has heard so much about Mia, and Mia says that she has seen Liz on cable news. Jack asks Mia if she's going to mutual friend Caleb Stackpole's party on Saturday. Crazy name. She says that she is, and will see them there. They leave.
Mia sits back down with the girls and says that she is definitely not going to Caleb's party. Zoë says that she is, and Caitlin says that she's calling Jason. Then, Caitlin says that Mia is "so much prettier than her." I guess that 's what you do for friends in need, but it just feels like that's the only thing that matters to this crew. Caitlin asks if Mia wants to go to the party alone with "that talking head of a slut throwing you shade." She's calling Jason, who the girls are really sure liked her. "How could he not?" asks Juliet. Er...don't ask that again.
Juliet is dressing when Emily asks her if she has to be in the Portmanteau photos, which appear to be happening. Juliet says that it's up to her. Emily says that Davis offered to buy her a horse if she participated. That's so effed. Emily's friend has tickets to see Justin Timberlake's concert in Boston and she would rather do that. Juliet says that even Davis can't compete with JT, so she should go. Davis couldn't compete with Michael Bolton.
The shower is running and Juliet walks into the bathroom to ask Davis if he really told Emily he would buy her a horse. Davis is clad in a towel and talking on the phone. I take back that Michael Bolton bit. Dude's stacked. He'd have a problem competing with, say, Bryan Adams. No, still doesn't work. Davis has a hot bod. Davis is speaking in hushed tones into his phone, and then hangs up and tells Juliet that it was that troublesome client he had visited in Southampton. Juliet seems a little curious and asks him how long the water had been running. She does seem like the conservationist type. He changes the subject and asks her if she wants to shower with him, but she can't. So much for her activism -- that would have saved a lot of water. After Davis gets in the shower, she takes a look at his Blackberry and writes down the number of the last call he made. Quite stealthy of Davis just to leave the freaking device on the sink.
Later, Juliet and Mia are having lunch together in Mia's office. How can these women be so connected when they only hang out with each other? Juliet explains that the number checks out as a Hamptons number, but she is still suspicious. Mia is like, "Duh." Juliet says that she can't rebuild her marriage if she's going to be suspicious all the time. Mia tells her to call the number, but she already has, several times. No one answers, and she gets an automated voicemail. Suddenly, Juliet gets a text and apparently it's from Roman to a bunch of people at her company. Juliet is typing into her phone while Mia tells her that it's not crazy that she would be suspicious. Suddenly, Juliet freaks out because she wrote, "Ignore Gerard, he's a pompous little bastard," to her entire company. And Gerard. Ah, the old "reply-all" nightmare. These writers are really on top of their game. , we're going to see a party where Mia had to leave with a sweater tied around her waist. Juliet has to leave and perform "major damage control." Before she leaves, she tells Mia to call the brain surgeon.
Mia braces herself and makes the call. When Jason answers, she speaks at lightning speed and tells him that she had a nice time and would like for him to come to brunch at Caleb Stackpole's (!) place.
In the hallway at work, Katherine stops Zoë and tells her that the investors that they are courting for Shane's company want a meeting on Sunday afternoon, the same time as Luke's birthday party. Katherine says something about Clayton being responsible for the change, so Zoë stops listening to her and bursts into Clayton's office. He says that they can't change the meeting so that she can play Laser Tag and she reminds him that she set this date aside a long time ago. That's why they work in teams, he says. Katherine will be able to handle it. Zoë's pissed. She says that she's a Managing Director and Katherine has been out of school for two years -- this is too big for Katherine. Clayton says that he's a Managing Director, too, and that it seemed like a safe bet. Doesn't he have a boss? You could have his ASS, Zoë. This is stupid. Katherine comes to the open door and says, "What are going to do , Zoë? Not go to your son's birthday party?" She's awesome. Zoë, without responding, shuts the door. Clayton says that he will be at the meeting to help Clayton. Of course he will.
That afternoon, Juliet gets a call from Davis. He won't be able to make dinner that night. The trouble client will keep him at work. Juliet hangs up, still suspicious. She goes to her office and calls the number from Davis's phone again. No luck. She also checks online for some info, with no success. Then, she calls 411 and "Southampton," and the automated voice tells her it thought she said "Lake Placid." She freaks out, which is kind of silly considering that sort of thing happens all the time. Effing computers. Suddenly, Zoë calls with news: Juliet gave her the number to research, and Zoë's discovered that it belongs to "Charles Nadler," the name Davis said. Whew, thank goodness we can totally trust him.
We hear Roman screaming outside Juliet's office. He barges in as she hangs up with Zoë. He's pissed about her email. She apologizes, but says she understands if he wants to withdraw from their deal. He says that he'd rather do business with people that talk shit to his face as opposed to behind his back. I'm the exact opposite kind of person. Juliet tells him that she promises to call him a bastard if she ever needs to again. He says that they should communicate, and I think that turns her on a little. After he leaves, she calls down to the kitchen and asks "Phillippe"(naturally) to wrap "two of the most decadent things [he has] on the menu."
That night, Juliet exits a town car carrying a lovely picnic basket just as Davis is leaving his place of work. And, Cilla Gray is with him. What a fucking moron this guy is. Every heard of a back entrance? Leaving at different times? Some people just don't know how to cheat. Juliet greets Cilla with a smile. Davis says that it's not what it looks like, and Cilla says she should leave. Juliet offers her some decadent braised shortribs and roasted beets, but Cilla says that's too rich for her tastes. This really sets Juliet off, and she shoves the basket at Cilla: "Oh Cilla, what could possibly be too rich for your tastes." Juliet stomps off, and Davis follows her. She says she feels foolish, and he tries to explain: his hedge fund is in trouble, and Cilla is helping to bail him out. I bet she is and putting those pecs to work. Also revealed -- Davis has been dipping into their savings. He bought Juliet the car to show his investors that he has confidence in his fund. He says he only went to Cilla for money, but Juliet says she doesn't know what to believe and leaves.
Later, Zoë and Juliet meet for a drink. Zoë has asked around and heard that Davis's fund is in trouble. Juliet doesn't know what to do. Zoë says that Davis is a liar, but Juliet starts to defend him a little bit. Zoë is kind of relentless, and Juliet says that everything is black and white, and that she envies that. In this case, "envies" = "is really annoyed by." Zoë says that Juliet needs to do what is right for her, but Juliet says that she needs to do what is right for her marriage.
At the lesbian bridal shower, all the ladies are at a long table. Alicia says that she feels like she is at some sort of shower every weekend. We all do. One couple says that they are planning on getting pregnant; each of them will squeeze out a puppy. Their inseminator is a Calvin Klein employee, so he's gorgeous. Then, they ask Alicia and Caitlin where they'll get their sperm if they decide to have a family. Okay, Alicia won't even call this a relationship, and her friends are asking Caitlin about her sperm procuring? Weird. Caitlin excuses herself from the table. I'd imagine that the crème fraîche is looking pretty nasty right now.
Caitlin goes to the unisex potty and walks in on a guy washing his hands. She apologizes, and he says that it's okay; everything is put away. She replies that it's not like she's never seen that sort of thing before. Is this the Overshare Café? She starts to fix her hair in the mirror and he tells her to relax, she looks beautiful. Then, she says she gets a spray tan. I guess she was supposed to be nervous and just blurting that out? Weird. The guy's like, "Okay." He squeezes past her and they're really close and she tells him that he should lock the door the time he's in the bathroom. He tells her to knock, and then leaves. They're pretty cute together. I have to say the whole lesbian storyline has really been lame up to this point. I'd prefer that, if Caitlin has to be with someone romantically, they find someone who at least has chemistry with her. This guy was pretty cute with her.
Jason and Mia are walking to brunch together. Caleb Stackpole is apparently a famous adventurer, and Jason is very excited to meet him. Mia asks Jason if he was ever going to call her, and he says that he doesn't "really go for Chinese." Oh my. Mia is stunned. Jason asks Mia whether her parents pushing her to meet a "nice Chinese boy" doesn't push her in the opposite direction, like it does him. She says no, but he asks her how many Asian men she dates. Um, she doesn't. Okay, that's settled. She tells him that her ex-boyfriend is going to be at brunch, and she asks if he'll act like he's really into her. Don't you think you should just be able to ask that of people every once in a while?
Inside the party, Caleb Stackpole (!) greets Jason and Mia and is a little disappointing. I wanted more. They see Jack and Liz. Jason does a really good job of acting all into Mia. At the table, they continue the charade. Jack looks jealous.
Back at the bridal shower, the guy from the bathroom asks Caitlin why she didn't ask for his number. She says that it looked like he had his hands full, and he thanks her for noticing. Ha! She reminds him that she's with a lesbian bridal shower, and the guy -- his name is Sam -- says that he likes to date lipstick lesbians. Dear Jesus. I don't even know what to say. That's so ridiculous, but they both look very cute. Caitlin gives him her card and walks away.
Later, Jason asks Mia on an actual date. He says that he likes being with her. She shakes his hand, but he pulls her in for a kiss. Jason is a wooden actor.
At Luke's birthday party, there's a curly-haired dude leading the tykes in Laser Tag. (I saw that guy in a New York International Fringe Festival show about a cappella singers. It was really funny.) All the kids go nuts, including Zoë and Eric. Suddenly, Zoë realizes that the game is very violent. Then, Luke screams, "Die! Die! Die!" In the middle of the battle, Zoë gets a call on her cell. It's Katherine, who's asking Zoë to explain something to the investors. She freaks out and says that if they wanted her to explain something, they shouldn't have asked that the meeting be moved to a day when she couldn't be there. AFTER her rant, Katherine tells Zoë that she's on speakerphone. Yet another reason Katherine would be canned. You NEVER let someone talk on speaker when others are in the room without letting her know she's on speaker. The investor says that he is confused: Zoë's team asked for the date change; he certainly doesn't want to be there on a Sunday. Katherine and Clayton try to cover their tracks, but Zoë has got their number. The investor gets frustrated and says he doesn't want help from Katherine. Zoë very simply compares the deal that they're in to another one. Bam -- he gets it. He schedules a time to meet with Zoë on Monday, and tells Shane to buy some shoes with the $200 million he's about to get. (I guess he didn't wear the shoes that Zoë bought him after all.) Zoë asks Clayton to pick up the phone. She tells him that she will defend herself, even if that means calling his wife and telling her about him and Katherine. Clayton looks a little nervous about that. The Laser Tag is over, and Zoë got the second highest score!
Davis and Juliet are having their Portmanteau photo shoot, posing beside the new car. Juliet has some luggage with her. She tells Davis that they're props, because it's all about image with him. She asks if he would have ever told her about Cilla. He stumbles and doesn't really answer. I'm not sure what Juliet wants from that. She tells him that she's tired of posing. The bags are packed. She wants him to move out. They're done. Davis has broken Juliet's heart and she can't trust him. She says he doesn't deserve it and, with stupid happy music playing, she walks away.
Caitlin shows up for cake and ice cream at Luke's birthday party. Sam calls her and addresses her as "Spray-on." She tells Zoë that she gave Sam his number, and that she is "the worst lesbian ever."
That night, Mia is walking home from somewhere, and Jack is waiting for her outside her place. He apologizes for the way things ended and says it sucked to see her with someone else. She says she hasn't forgiven Jack, and asks him what he wants; he says he doesn't know. She tells him that she wants to move on with her life, and walks inside.