Michael wants to talk to Simon about his Bible, but to do that he's going to have to go through his friendly new handler Vaughn. That actually sounds more violent than it is -- at least at first, but some threats are exchanged. As a distraction from all this frenemy drama, Agents Lane and Harris show up asking for Michael's help. Seems they've lost track of a witness they were supposed to be protecting, and now they need Michael to find him. Michael goes about this by tracking the killer who's after the witness, who unfortunately turns out not to be a pushover. He captures Michael instead, thinking Michael's a rival hitman out to steal the gig. Michael plays along, and with help from the team, traces the witness to his girlfriend's house. There, the climactic scene from a more mawkish version of Grosse Pointe Blank plays out as Michael uncovers the hitman's hidden heart of gold and helps him defeat the eviler hitman, all while rescuing the witness and saving Lane and Harris's jobs. Aww.
As for Vaughn, he makes Fi an offer behind Michael's back -- the Bible for Jesse's reinstatement. That's a soft spot for Fi, but she backs Michael instead. And with a little backup from his new buddies Lane and Harris, Michael finds the leverage to get what he wants from Vaughn -- a meeting with Simon. But will Michael's psyche survive the encounter??? Yeah, I think it will.
This episode begins with a montage of portentous hurricane imagery instead of beaches and bikinis, but before we can dwell on that, we see Michael at the Carlito (inside, for once) handling Simon's code Bible with random words blacked out with Sam and Fi. He VOs about Bibles making good code books; you just need the key to decode it. Which of course they don't have. Michael draws Fi's attention to the inscription in the front with Simon's name. Which tells them that the shadowy international conspiracy that was after it wants Simon's secrets -- which probably involve Michael. Because it's all about him. So against Sam and Fi's advice, Michael wants to have a meeting with Simon to find out what he knows. They both mock him for wanting to see this through, but Michael plays his trump: "If I walk away, Jesse got burned for nothing." Off he goes to meet Vaughn -- his "new" handler, whom we haven't seen for so long he's probably dusty -- leaving the Bible with them for safekeeping. Oh, and by the way? There' a hurricane coming.
At home that night, Michael looks weird in shorts, letting "Vaughn -- 'trusted' teammate" into his loft and out of the rain. Michael tells Vaughn about the Bible he found, and asks how soon he can talk to Simon about it. Vaughn asks for the Bible instead so he can take a crack at Simon himself. Michael's offended, and soon he's yelling, and he asks again, complete with a threat. "This is me saying no," Vaughn says, so Michael kicks him out. And in such weather, too. Not very hospitable. "A bigger storm's coming, Michael, and I'm going to remember this," Vaughn threatens him right back. Not if this storm kills him.
The morning, the storm is over -- which is a total rip-off -- but parts of Miami look like they've been turned upside down. Michael shows up at Madeline's house to assess the damage, and is a little irritated to find that she rode it out with Jesse instead of evacuating with the rest of the neighborhood like she was supposed to. After she goes inside, Jesse asks what Michael's learned about Simon, and is wanting to put word out that they have his Bible to see who comes looking for it. Michael puts him off, and is fortunately rescued by Madeline coming back and telling Michael that a couple of FBI agents are there, claiming to be Michael's friends.
"Hi, friends," Michael greets "Lane and Harris -- Not Michael's Friends" in Madeline's kitchen. You remember those guys from Season One who show up every once in a while? The Latino one and the one who wears too much hair spray? They're looking a little worse for wear, and Lane's even got a bloody bandage on one arm. They want a favor: they were protecting a witness named James Bailey against a Turkish gang when they got ambushed right before the storm. Which meant they traded their valuable witness for a perforated arm. Michael wonders how Lane escaped with only a scratch, but they're more worried about their witness vanishing. They'd look for him themselves, but they have to get back to HQ and their jobs are on the line. I still don't believe they'd come to Michael, but let's keep moving. They suggest tracking a pickup Bailey stole, but Michael would rather track the rare modified gun used in the ambush. "And you will owe me," he informs them. Like they don't already.
Michael goes over to Fi's and asks her if she knows anything about the gun. She directs him to an arms dealer she knows named Pano. "This better not be a favor for Vaughn," she warns. He hastily says it's a favor for the FBI, which she doesn't seem all that much happier about.
Down at the docks, Sam and Michael impersonate cops to bust into Pano's shop, where he and another guy apparently work on classic cars as well as customized assault weaponry. They start asking about he gun, but have to shoot up some a car or two before Pano gives up the name Cole and gives them the location of a dead drop. And then they lock them in a trunk with a bag of chicken, because they're thoughtful like that.
Fi answers her front door, and outside is not Michael but Vaughn -- acting all friendly, with a take-out lunch and an invitation to talk -- about Jesse. Ooh, diabolical.
Sam has traced their shooter to a slightly storm-damaged apartment complex, but according to the landlady, the guy they're looking for evacuated before the storm. Michael goes in to check it out while Sam stands guard outside, noting that since the storm has played havoc with the cell phone towers, he'll just toot the horn to sound the alarm. Inside the apartment, Michael VOs about how cheap furnished apartments can be handy for traveling criminals, but if you want security you have to make your own. Which in this case is a bomb booby-trap in the bedroom, with a tripwire attached to the door and a directional charge.
After opening the door just a crack, Michael carefully takes hold of the tripwire and starts slowly working toward the claymore. He's still in this delicate position when Jon Seda as "Cole -- Professional Killer" steps out of the closet. "This is awkward," Michael understates. Cole asks for Michael's gun, and Michael carefully tosses it over without letting the line go slack, because that would blow him up and all. "So you're Matt Reese, huh?" Cole figures the Turks brought in another hitman and he's being Grosse Pointe Blanked on this deal, and Michael's only too happy to step into the ready-made cover: "Turks love me, ladies love me, Matt Reese," he recites. Cole gives Michael props for not already being dead, but when he raises Michael's own gun to shoot him with it, Michael -- who has been making use of this bantering time to glance around the room at the maps with cell phone overage areas circled -- raises a hand and says Cole will need his help to find Bailey, because the cell phone towers aren't going to cut it in time. Michael says he knows what Bailey's driving, but almost loses him by claiming to have a source in the FBI. Cole's about to shoot Michael until he displays his knowledge of the earlier ambush. "Damn, son, you're for real," Cole says. "I am Matt Reese," Michael shrugs modestly. Cole agrees to a conditional partnership, but reminds Michael, "I'm the one with the gun."
Needless to say, Sam is a little surprised to see two guys coming out of the apartment. Imagine how he'd feel if he knew the bad guy stole one of his best lines ever. Michael signals to Sam to stay by a radio by subtly waggling a car antenna. Cole tells Michael to drive -- with has hand tied to the steering wheel. That's going to make parallel parking tricky.
Fi watches Vaughn eat, and resists his charms. She says he's just like the rest of the people who burned Michael, and I'm sure it's just coincidence that she sits down across from him, holding a gun that's sort of but not really pointed at him but totally is. Vaughn gets to his point: he'll trade the Bible for Jesse's job and life back. Fi doesn't want to betray Michael, but Vaughn says she'd be doing him a favor by keeping him away from Simon. Vaughn leaves Fi sitting there looking tempted.
En route to the area where Cole thinks Bailey is hiding out with his girlfriend, Michael plants the idea in his head that they need an emergency vehicle to get past the evacuation zones. But it's really because Michael wants access to a two-way radio. Cole agrees to Michael's plan to bust into a public vehicle storage facility a couple of miles north. It's called inception.
Sam's at the loft trying to raise Michael on his own two-way radio when Lane and Harris -- now suspended -- show up looking for an update. Sam tells them what he knows, which isn't much, and they tell him that Bailey ditched the truck he stole, so that's a dead end. Fortunately the radio crackles with Michael's voice calling to Charles Finley. He and Cole apparently reached the city lot, and he's stealing a few seconds with a radio in a fire department car to give an update. Harris says Matt Reese is bad news, and Lane says they know nothing about the girlfriend Cole thinks Bailey is hanging out with. Michael's not happy to hear that the truck turned up abandoned, and tells them to find out about Bailey's girlfriend before they get to the neighborhood Cole's after. Cole shows up a half-second later to hurry Michael with hot-wiring the vehicle. Michael complains about how it takes longer with one hand tied to the wheel. And, to be fair, also when you're wasting time calling your friends (and your "not friends") for help.
Sam gets Madeline on the radio and asks for Jesse, who's supposed to pick up Fi and head over to Bailey's house. Meanwhile, at the lot, Cole has finished clearing some debris so they can drive the stolen vehicle out of there, but he accidentally tips over a transformer pole. While it's coming down, Michael shouts a warning for him to get out of the puddle of water he's been standing in, and Cole quickly hops up into the hood of a parked car, just in time to avoid being electrocuted. So he's safe, but he's stranded and the live cable is electrifying the water that surrounds the car on all sides. Michael comes over all heroic, so to break his restraints, Michael crashes the Fire Chief's car he's in, which sets off the airbag so he can pull the steering wheel loose from the column. With the wheel and flaccid airbag still dangling dashingly from his hand, Michael grabs a handy fiberglass ladder to bring to Cole's rescue -- but not before demanding his gun back. Cole just drops both gun and clip in the water, so now neither of them is armed. As Michael VOs about the value of making a good faith gesture to your enemy -- but not without a price -- Cole walks down the ladder to safety, and Michael cold-cocks him with the steering wheel. But then Cole comes up with a backup gun. It might be time for Michael to stop underestimating Cole.
Jesse and Fi break into Bailey's place, which is apparently not staked out by either the Turks, any law enforcement, or hitmen. Which is good, because for some reason they brought Madeline along. The goal: find clues on Bailey's girlfriend.
Cole forces Michael into a fresh vehicle to hotwire. While doing that, Michael spots Cole's USMC tattoo, which leads into his backstory -- Cole was apparently in a bomb disposal unit in Iraq but got a dishonorable discharge because his squad mates were shipping drugs. Now Cole just wants to earn enough to quit, buy a boat, and sail to some island where nobody ever saw The Hurt Locker. Michael tries to get into Cole's head about that a bit, but any therapeutic breakthroughs will have to wait for later.
At Bailey's place, Madeline's found a clue -- a sonogram, indicating that Bailey's girlfriend is pregnant -- and a photo of him and his girlfriend in front of a white house with a weathervane, a gray roof, and a blue door. No house number is visible, but Fi hopes a description will cut it. Madeline is understandably skeptical.
While driving Cole to Miami Beach, Michael convinces him to let him check the CB network to see if the causeway is closed. Michael puts out an offer of a free mojito to anyone who can tell him. Jesse comes on the CB as "Mr. Vane," and Sam joins the conversation so Jesse can give some subtle clues about what the house looks like. But those clues are not so subtle that Madeleine can't interpret that Jesse was describing a white house with a weather vane and a gray roof. Of course, she's seen the photo, so she has an advantage. She's also old enough to remember when CB radio was the Twitter of the 70s.
Cole makes Michael stop and demands to know what Bailey's driving before they go any further. Michael admits that he doesn't know, but he knows what the house looks like. Cole's ready to shoot him again, but Michael spills: "Baileys' girlfriend lives in a white house with a gray roof and a weather vane." So what reason does Cole have to keep him alive? He says they can check it out right now; he tells Michael to drive the truck up to the roof to look for the house.
Up top, Michael scans the neighborhood with the binoculars, and soon finds the right house, even with the weather van knocked askew by the storm. Lucky for him it's one of the four houses in the neighborhood that aren't obscured by trees from this vantage point. Just then, they find themselves under fire from several shooters. As they dive for cover behind their stolen vehicle, Michael's pretty slow to figure out who's shooting at them, but Cole's way ahead of him. After taking a moment to wonder who Michael really is, he hollers up, "Hey, Reese! We can make a deal, man!" The crew's leader hollers back down, "Sorry, rook! I got my team!" Yes, it's "Reese -- Hired Gun with a Team," according to the subtitles. "I know who you're not," Cole says, turning to Michael, who has finally caught his snap and dived over the fence to the level down. Michael VOs that parking garages are designed with tight corners to prevent fast driving, which is why you're better off on foot than in a heavy vehicle if you find yourself in a chase. Sure enough, he runs to freedom while Cole crashes into a parked car. I suggest Cole blame that on the hurricane.
So Michael spends the ads running straight to the girlfriend's house, bursting in, yelling at Bailey to get into the kitchen, all while punching him in the face and taking his shotgun away to makes sure he and his girlfriend know he's on their side. Michael turns the fridge into a barricade as "James and Joanne -- In Need of a Friend" crouch behind the counters. They ask who he is and Michael says, I'm "I'm Michael Westen. I'm here to save you people." Cole bursts in shooting, asking who the hell he is. "I'm Michael Westen, I'm here to save these people!" Michael hollers back impatiently. Michael tells Cole to walk away, and says he knows Cole isn't a killer. You know, from their earlier conversation, and the fact that he didn't kill Lane or Harris, and the fact that his booby trap was in a back room. Cole makes excuses, and Michael says it doesn't have to be this way. Just then Reese and his crew roll up outside and give Cole two minutes to come out. Instead, Cole barricades the front door, so now they're all in this together, as Michael says. He even surrenders Bailey's weapon and convinces Cole to join him. "James, where are your cleaning supplies?" Wha
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t's he going to do with cleaning supplies in two minutes?With some ammonia and a pair of pliers (who cleans with pliers?), Michael quickly rigs the window A/C unit to explode. Lucky for them they don't have central air. It's Cole's job to herd them into the alley, which he does by coming out of the house using the detached fridge door as a shield and then diving into the window of a neighboring house. Hope those people aren't home. When the bad guys move to follow, Michael shoots the A/C unit, blowing up the whole alley outside and knocking down all of them but Reese himself. Michael goes out after him, and despite looking more like a guy who fantasizes about what he reads in Soldier of Fortune than one who lives it, Reese turns out to be tough enough to knock Michael down. He's about to shoot him when Cole jumps out, knocking Reese aside and taking his gun. Which he then points at Michael, thanking him and saying he'll collect his fee after all. "You gotta be kidding me," Michael groans from where he's still lying on the ground. "Yeah, I am," Cole agrees, and helps Michael up. "Guess you were right about me," he says, which is the kind of thing nobody ever says. As the sirens start to approach, Michael suggests Antigua. Cole hands him a bundle of zip ties and walks away, dropping the gun on the ground. Because who needs that now, to get past a tightening dragnet in an evacuation zone?
Jesse and Michael are unpacking Madeline's breakables when she tells them not to brother -- tropical storm Edgar is on its way. Michael tells her to actually go time there's an evacuation, but she hotly points out, "Who would have found the photograph that saved your skinny butt?" Michael concedes the point rather than simply saying, "Jesse or Fi."
Lane and Harris are at the door, and since Madeline doesn't want them in her house, Michael keeps them on the doorstep for their update: Bailey's safe and ready to testify, Reese and his team are busted, and Lane and Harris are taking the credit. They might have even gotten promoted had Cole not gotten away. "We owe you one, Westen," Harris says. Michael promises not to forget it. "Yeah, we know," Harris says, before Michael slams the door in his face. Hey, what about the gun dealer in the trunk? That chicken has to be gone by now.
Michael brings sushi to Fi, which she says trumps Vaughn's delivery of Cuban food. She tells him about Vaughn's offer. She goes on to say that she didn't take him up on it, because she has faith in Michael. He promises her that bringing down the people they're after should get Jesse back in. Fi's worried about him being in trouble with both Vaughn and Simon but hands him the Bible she had stashed in her fireplace. In Miami. "When this is over and the dust is settled, I don't want to wonder if I gave this to the wrong man" she lectures. She adds that she has a meeting with Vaughn that afternoon, and asks Michael to make her excuses.
But when Vaughn is approached at a seaside bar, it's by Lane and Harris, threatening to make him public enemy number one, or at least number two, unless he does what "our friend" wants. That's about as convincing as a banner ad. Vaughn looks over to where Michael is sitting not far off. The agents saunter over to Michael and say they're even. "Not yet, but it's a start," Michael says, dismissing them. Vaughn comes over to Michael, who's all, "Pretty scary, huh?" Even he doesn't seem convinced. Vaughn pleasantly says he can have all of them killed. "You pay Fiona another visit, you'll need to," Michael threatens, like Lane and Harris would give a shit, and again asks to talk to Simon. Vaughn agrees to set it up. "But know this: I was trying to protect you." He warns that you can't dig into Simon's head without letting him into yours. "I guess we'll find out," Michael says. I guess we will. But not this week. That's fine, I wasn't up for a taut psychological thriller tonight anyway.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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