By M. Giant
Michael's loser brother Nate blows back into town, claiming to have turned over a new leaf and wanting Michael's help with a blonde Russian immigrant whose sister has been kidnapped by human traffickers. The team nabs the ringleader, Ivan, and lets Sam go to work on the interrogation mindgames, while Michael's voice over takes a few potshots at a certain other interrogator I can think of. Michael joins in on the scam, going method to play a fellow prisoner in hopes of winning Ivan's trust and milking him for information. They've got a tight timetable; Ivan's men have orders to kill the girls in a matter of days. So they arrange an escape for Ivan so he can lead Michael to the prisoners. Girls: safe. Ivan's boss: mad. Ivan: dead. Michael and Nate: making up.
And Sam gets milked himself. Trying to trace Carla, Michael has assigned Sam to wine and dine a connected guy in the agricultural world (Larry Miller), thinking that her cover as an irrigation specialist means Larry might know her. But Larry just bleeds Sam dry until Sam gets bored and pretends to be from the DEA. Larry finally gives Sam everything he knows about Carla: a P.O. box. Let the stakeout begin!
Oh, and the best part? Fi totally tasers herself. It's awesome.
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Michael sits on a park bench reading the dossier on Carla that Waseem got him, out in public, as you do. Although I guess he can't exactly leave it in his loft, because we've known ever since the pilot that Carla's people (whom I'm just going to go ahead and start calling "They" or "Them" -- life's too short, you know) can enter his home any time they want, and it probably wouldn't do for them to find Carla's file under Michael's mattress. They might get the wrong idea. He tells us in VO about the experience of reading redacted files, until Fi arrives and sits down to him so he can complain about all the blacked-out text out loud. He was in such a better mood about this file last week. The one fact that Michael has been able to glean -- and that he's willing to share with us and Fi -- is that Carla was undercover as an "irrigation consultant" when she was in Kurdistan. Fi makes a lame joke about getting Carla to water her ferns. Yeah, she thinks she's kidding but one day she'll notice that the fichus has perked up and she'll know something's fishy. Michael VOs that jobs in agriculture are handy cover, since you can use them to explain your presence almost everywhere, as long as you don't mind actually learning something. Fi closes the file and suggests Michael take a break. After all, he's missing something, namely someone who's been following him. Fi puts on her giant insectoid sunglasses so Michael can see the reflection of the Lincoln Town Car not far up the street. The close, intent gaze he appears to be directing into her eyes is just about the most heat these two have generated all season, if not the whole series. "It's going to be a very interesting conversation if they catch you with that file," Fi says. "Can I watch?" Michael spots an empty rickshaw across the street and has a better idea: "You drive," he says, shoving the folder into Fi's hands and making for the Charger, which is parked nearby.
As Fi pulls out and the Lincoln follows, Michael VOs that watching the people who are following you will tell you a lot about them. As soon as the Charger's around the corner, Michael hops out of the moving vehicle, smooth as goose shit, and ducks into some bushes. When the Town Car rolls into view, Michael shoves the rickshaw into the street, and the car plows into it. Michael explains, "that's a sign you're dealing with an amateur, somebody who doesn't know what he's doing." Sure enough, when Michael runs to the car, the driver hops out going, "Easy, bro! It's a rental, man!" The "bro" is not just an expression in this case; as the subtitles inform those of you who missed the first season, Michael's tail is none other than "NATE -- THE BROTHER." "That's when you've really got a problem," Michael VOs. Do you ever.
It apparently takes them the whole rest of the day to get to Michael's loft from there, because it's dark as they arrive. Nate claims he was following Michael to make sure he wasn't being followed by someone else (like, you know, Them. See? This is working out better already), and gets in a little dig about how he never heard from Michael after Nate got to Fort Lauderdale in last season's finale. "It was just a little unclear at the time if I should... call you," Michael says, not even bothering to come up with an excuse. Nate gets to the point of his visit: a co-worker of his has a sister who's being held by the Russian mafia. Michael is shocked at the news, as are we all: Nate got a job? "What's the angle?" Michael asks his brother. Nate's offended at the question. "You blew up my truck, you got me shot at, you had me hide Mom," he says. "That's the kind of thing that gets a guy to step back and make a few changes." Agreed. For me, the first change would be to start staying the hell away from Michael. Nate adds that he's still paying off the truck, and Michael agrees to talk to her.
Michael and Nate meet Katya, the hot blonde Russian co-worker, at Madeline's house. After sticking around long enough to try to push tea on everyone, Madeline gets hustled out so Katya can tell her story. It's pretty simple, really. In Russian-accented English, Katya explains that she's been trying to bring her sister Elena to the U.S. for years, but then Elena found a way herself. Problem is that Elena's passage was through a gangster named Ivan, who is now holding Elena for $75,000 ransom. Michael asks if Ivan was the one who gave Katya the bruise under her eye. Katya says yeah, when she went after him with a crowbar. She claims that he's lucky his guys pulled her off him. Nate explains that Katya asked for his help getting a gun, but he thought it would be better to get her a Michael. Yeah, Ivan would have been better off getting shot, as we'll see (spoiler!) "[Nate] says you do these things every day," Katya appeals to Michael. "I don't do them, every day," Michael hair-splits, "but I'll see what I can do." The subtitles take their cue: "KATYA -- THE CLIENT." They know what "I'll see what I can do" means as well as anyone.
day, at an open-air bar, Michael briefs Sam on the situation as they sit down to drinks: "Fi's doing the surveillance," Michael says. "Hopefully we'll track the guy back to where the girls are before Katya gets her hands on a blowtorch." On to the topic, which is Sam's progress with Carla's file. He's been in touch with a guy named Harvey Gunderson, whom Sam identifies as "the Secretary/Treasurer of the Agricultural Association of South Florida, among other things." Sam has a dossier on Harvey, who according to the photos is being played by the very funny Larry Miller, from every Christopher Guest movie ever made. Sam figures that Harvey might know Carla if she's using the same cover; he just figures that it'll take some face-to-face finessing (i.e., dinner and drinks) to get the goods. Michael says he'll cover the costs, and Sam promises to try and keep it reasonable. Famous last words.
Michael, Nate, and Katya sit in the Charger on stakeout, while Fi pulls up behind them in the Saab. Michael explains to Katya who Fi is, and a moment later they're looking across the street at Ivan ("IVAN -- HUMAN TRAFFICKER," say the subtitles), who's busy loading a blue van (although not with humans). As Michael takes some shots with his zoom lens, Nate peers through some opera glasses and comments on Ivan's inkwork. Michael recognizes Russian prison tattoos, and translates them for Nate and Katya: the spade on Ivan's neck means thief, the tiger on his arm means enforcer, and the skull on his other arm, Michael reluctantly reveals when Nate pushes, means murderer. Katya's not trying to hear that, and Michael has to calm her down and give Nate a dirty look. Ivan's van drives off, and Fi pulls out to follow.
Sam's out to lunch with Larry Miller, as a Michael Westen voice-over (MWVO) explains that "cultivating intelligence assets usually requires some wining and dining." The subtitles introduce us to "HARVEY GUNDERSON -- SECRETARY/TREASURER, AGRICULTURAL ASSN OF SOUTH FLORIDA." MWVO continues: "The more connected somebody is -- " "HARVEY GUNDERSON -- PRESIDENT, MIAMI WATER RESOURCES BOARD," interrupt the subtitles. MWVO continues, "-- the more they know --" Subtitles again: "HARVEY GUNDERSON -- VICE PRESIDENT BOARD OF SOIL SCIENTISTS." Jesus, subtitles, take a breather, why don't you. "...the more they feel entitled to a little special treatment," MWVO finally finishes. Harvey is busy putting away a great deal of food and wine, and ordering more. Sam's cover is that he's looking for a list of consultants to help him grow hops in Turkey. He just wants the names, but Harvey wants the lobster, and a bottle of white to go with it, along with the red he's already sucking down. Sam is looking a little put out at the tab Harvey's running up. Harvey promises that the wine now en route to the table is "liquid gold." Sam is clearly not looking forward to giving Michael today's receipt.
Back at the loft, a hung-over Sam limps across the floor while Michael and Fi look over the restaurant bill for $600, which Sam somehow found the courage to hand over to Michael anyway. Sam makes excuses while rummaging around in Michael's freezer for something cold for his hangover, but has to admit that he didn't get the list. Settling for a washcloth wrapped around a yogurt cup, he flops on the bed behind Michael and Fi. He assures them that Harvey's just trying to drag it out, but he'll get the goods soon. Sam wisely changes the subject to Ivan, and Fi explains that Ivan's got good security procedures in place: he's got no contact with his guys, which means the cops can't build a case, and they can't find the girls. Looking at their Friday deadline, Michael realizes this means they'll need to extract the information, and asks Sam if he's up for it. "Interrogation?" says Sam, his face lighting up like he never heard the word "hangover" in his life. Michael suggests nabbing Ivan today, which would give them three days to work with him. Sam thinks that's a pretty tight timeline, which means making Ivan think he's up against government guys in order to get him talking fast. "We don't have a deep bench here," Michael understates, but Sam's optimistic: Fi will grab Ivan (using a crane, presumably), and Sam and Michael will tag-team the questioning. "You think you can bag him alone, Fi?" Michael asks. She responds with a look that brings Sam's hangover roaring back. And mine, too, even though I didn't have one before.
They get right to work. As Ivan is about to get in his van in a parking lot somewhere, Fi walks to her own car nearby with a double handful of shopping bags and a flirty smile. That brings Ivan sliming right over, and once he's close enough, Fi grabs the taser gun out of one of her bags to zap him. But Ivan's too quick for her, and knocks it from her hand. A scuffle ensues, which seems odd, because Ivan could probably just stuff Fi into his shirt and walk away. He's clearly got the upper hand as it is. Fortunately, Sam is positioned nearby, and he comes running from the parked CadillAxe. But it's kind of a long way, and Bruce Campbell's Brisco County days are long behind him. Fi is on the ground by now, reaching for the dropped taser, while Ivan has one of his giant meathooks locked on the calf of her jeans. Michael VOs, "Stun guns are a great way to bring down a larger opponent. The only problem is, if you use one on someone who's touching you, you'll zap yourself, too." Which, after exchanging some cheesy action-movie dialogue with Ivan, is exactly what Fi does. The current goes from Ivan's shoulder to his hands to Fi's leg, dropping them both unconscious to the pavement. Sam screeches to a halt, saying with a kind of respect, "Fi, you are one crazy chick." All this time he's known her, and he waits until she's out cold to start sharing.
Once everyone's back at the loft and Ivan's van is parked in the courtyard, Michael asks Fi how Ivan is behaving. She claims he asked her to use the stun gun on him again, with a gag in his mouth. "He has very expressive eyes," she says. Sam comes and asks how she's doing, and she says, "Everyone could use a few thousand volts now and then. It clears the mind." Michael and Sam just look at her for a moment, taking in her spacey demeanor, hair standing on end, and pupils that are gently pinwheeling. "All righty," Sam finally says, and hands Michael some goods he got on Ivan from yet another member of Sam's extensive offscreen network of resources. It seems Ivan is part of the East Coast's Russian mob, answering to a guy named Takarov (whose mug shot makes him look like the love child of John Goodman and the Pillsbury Doughboy, if that's not redundant). Sam's already got an approach worked out to use on Ivan: they'll tell him they're rounding up the whole gang, and Ivan's just a "little fish." Sam also has a base of operations all ready: an abandoned concrete plant in the middle of nowhere. "This is gonna be fun, Mike," he says giddily. I'm beginning to worry about Sam a bit.
But I needn't have. As Michael and Sam work to set up shop at the plant, Michael VOs, "A lot of people's first instinct when they need information out of a captive is to grab a baseball bat or a gun. The fact is, torture is for sadists and thugs. It's like getting groceries with a flamethrower. It doesn't work, and it makes a mess." Meanwhile, we see him and Sam doing stuff like cutting wrist holes in the side of an empty cargo container and attaching manacles to the outside. The VO continues as Michael explains that you need to control every aspect of the subject's reality, keeping them disoriented and anxious. This as they're setting up a questioning area in a large storage tank, by sawing down the legs of a straight-backed chair and nailing it to the floor. As Michael tries out the chair -- and the painfully bright work light that shines on it -- he concludes, "You have to make them understand that their entire future, their hops, their dreams, every breath they will ever take from then on, it all depends on one thing: talking." Oh, good, that's my favorite thing to recap.
With a slick edit, Michael in the chair turns into Ivan in the chair, only with a black cloth bag over his head. Sam pulls off the bag, and Ivan's first words are to demand a lawyer. Sam's looking relaxed and cool in a suit with no tie, but since he's behind the million-watt bulb currently giving Ivan a melanoma, the effect is a bit wasted. Sam jovially explains that he's neither a cop, nor CIA. "Just think of me as your uncle," he says, finally stepping into the light. "Uncle Sam." This might just be the episode that starts tapping into Bruce Campbell's real potential. He's been a bit underused up until now. Anyway, Sam says he wants to know all about Ivan, who pleasantly says that he just delivers groceries. "Can I go now, Uncle?" Sam's not fooled (and neither is the character he plays), and he tells Ivan he's just a little fish. "You know the difference between big fish and little fish?" he asks Ivan. I'm expecting an analogy about bait, but Sam's telling Ivan that unless Ivan pisses off Mr. Fisherman, Ivan will get thrown back. But Ivan's not budging. "Maybe I like it here," he blusters. Seems he's enjoying Sam's performance as much as I am.
Outside, Sam reports to Michael: a hardened gulag veteran like Ivan isn't going to fold under a standard good cop/bad cop routine, at least not in the three days they have. So Sam suggests that Michael become Ivan's prison buddy instead. They can even bring Nate in as a guard. Michael doesn't like one single thing about this plan, but Sam says they're out of options; Ivan isn't going to buy a secret camp run by one guy, plus Sam's still working Harvey for info on Carla, and usually that kind of multitasking falls to Michael. "I'll call [Nate]," Michael sighs.
Cut to Fi in Michael's loft, beating the crap out of a hung-up suit with a railroad tie. Wait -- that's not a railroad tie --Fi's holding it. Adjusting for scale...okay, it's a table leg. Once she's done, Michael's puts on the suit's equally-distressed pants and explains to a dubious Nate what they're trying to pull on Ivan: "If he knows what we want, he can lie, hold out until the girls are gone. We need him to think that I'm on his side, that I'm safe to talk to." Michael hands Nate a suit of his own, accessorized with a stylish shoulder holster, and tells him to follow Sam's orders. And now it's time for the final stage of Michael's preparation, as his VO explains that fake blood and makeup won't hold up under close scrutiny. "So if your cover requires looking like you've been beaten, you have to get beaten." And with that. Fi slams a taped-up fist into Michael's face. He's spitting blood after the second blow (must have bitten his tongue, just to help her out), and Nate steps up to take a swing of his own at Michael. "Just trying to be a team player," Nate tools giddily when Michael yells at him for it. I think Michael would probably punch him back, if Nate's cover didn't require him to be uninjured. He might do it later anyway.
Later, Nate's locking Michael into the cargo container with Ivan as Michael explains in VO that a quick way to get someone to trust you is to make them want to make you trust them. That's why Michael goes right on the offensive with Ivan. "You have the face of a traitor," he accuses. Still bloody, Michael points out that he's said nothing, and here Ivan is without a scratch. As he takes off his battered suit jacket and slowly advances on Ivan as though for a fight while spitting accusations in Russian, his VO warns that a fight is a quick way to give away your identity. "If you say you're Russian but fight like an American, consider your cover blown. Which means you better know Sambo, the mixed martial art of Russia." Which Michael clearly does. Wait -- I know "mixed martial arts" are hot right now, but how can one martial art be mixed? I'm clearly not watching enough Spike TV. Based on the demonstration Michael and Ivan now give us, Sambo seems to involve a lot of arm-twisting and opponent's-head-against-the-wall-slamming. "Of course you also have to win the fight," adds the MWVO. "A great cover ID doesn't help you if you're dead." Fortunately Michael does prevail, and as he's holding Ivan in a painful neck/arm lock, he keeps demanding to know what Ivan told them. Ivan swears he said nothing, and Michael finally lets him go. So now that they're friends, Michael introduces himself as Sergei Yablonovich from Tampa. "Born in Volgograd," Michael says in subtitled Russian. "Raised in America," he finishes in English. Which I guess is why he isn't bothering to fake a Russian accent. Odd choice on his part; Michael never met an unnecessary fake accent he didn't like, but now that one would actually come in handy, he's steering clear. Probably because it's not wise to pretend to have the same accent that your "asset" (to borrow a Michael-ese term) does. Anyway, after "guessing" that Ivan runs the girls for Takarov, Michael tells Ivan that the organization is getting shut down bit by bit, and the agents currently holding them know way too much about Takarov for someone not to be talking. "Maybe they are watching," Ivan says. "Maybe they have someone in the deli, or the cafe, I don't know." But he insists he has said nothing, not realizing that he just did.
Yes, that's a clue Ivan just provided. thing you know, Sam and Fi are staking out a Russian restaurant called Romanov's near a café and a deli. Sam gets a call from Harvey, wanting to meet with Sam again. "He is working you," Fi remarks at the end of the call. "I've gotten nuclear secrets out of KGB agents for less time and money," Sam agrees. Fi whips out a thermal camera, explaining to Sam that she swiped it from her neighbor's boat. "He's been using it to peek at me through the walls of my apartment, so I figure we're even." As we share Fi's point of view through the infrared camera, which shows red humanoid blobs moving around behind the walls, Michael explains in VO that this is a handy tool for scouting: it tells you where the warm bodies are, and which rooms are heat-shielded to hide said bodies. Which, as Fi reports to Sam, the top floor is.
So then Fi and Sam are inside the restaurant, sitting at a table and eating lunch like a couple of regular customers. The mafia boss, Takarov, is holding court at a table near the back, which is also near an elevator leading upstairs. Seeing the guard posted there, Fi and Sam decide to throw some shenanigans. As Fi gets up to ostensibly hit the bathroom (the entrance of which is to the elevator door), Sam throws a noisy, food-spitting hissyfit, demanding to see the manager. That's all the diversion Fi needs to board the elevator upstairs. Poor Sam, always on diversion duty.
As Fi makes her way down a top-floor hallway, a MWVO laments how diversified organized crime has become these days. "The heat shielding you hope is hiding a human smuggling operation could be hiding radio emissions from software pirating computers." That would explain why, when Fi opens the door to a room expecting to find a bunch of kidnapped women, she instead sees one guy sitting to a bank of computer towers. She makes a lame excuse and walks out, which I'm sure isn't something she would have been able to do if this had actually been Takarov's chick-bank. When she returns to the dining room, Sam is pinned against the bar in what I'd guess is some kind of Sambo hold, still making a ruckus. Fi pretends to come to the rescue: "Take your hands off my father! He has...dementia." Offended but playing along. Sam lets Fi lead him doddering out of the restaurant. "Daddy?" he asks Fi when they're clear. "Bet you never thought you'd hear me call you that," she says. I was wondering when she'd get tired of having to pretend she and Sam were a couple in situations like this. One day Sam will get his revenge, though: she'll be surrounded by thugs, and he'll walk up to them and bark, "Give me back my broom!"
In Madeline's garage, Michael and Nate are trying to keep an agitated Katya from completely going off. She's brandishing tools and everything. "What do you want, Katya?" Michael asks. "You want to hit Ivan with a wrench or you want your sister back? 'Cause it's got to be one or the other." Katya asks why they don't move on Ivan's boss at the restaurant (which Nate apparently told her about), and Michael says they need to stick to the plan. Katya's already out the door, and Michael bitches at Nate, "It's called need to know for a reason." Why'd you tell Nate then, genius? "I'll take care of it," Nate promises, and follows Katya.
Inside the house, Nate catches up to Katya and says of Michael, "I can't stand that guy sometimes, but he's good at what he does. If he says this is the right thing to do, then this is the right thing to do." Katya seems to be talked out of her tree, for the moment. After she returns to the garage, Madeline appears out of nowhere, having overheard. She's touched by what Nate said about his brother. "Not that he'd do the same for me," Nate says, sulking off. Madeline doesn't even bother trying to dispute it. In fact, I'm surprised she doesn't emphasize the point.
Sam's got Ivan back in the interrogation room. As he unwraps a stick of Big Red (not product-placed; you never see the label), Michael VOs that "a good interrogator paints a picture of the world outside for a detainee. Whatever he's holding onto, you take it away." Sam offers Ivan the gum, then takes it himself when Ivan wordlessly declines. "Mm, cinammony," Sam says, leaving even more product-placement cash on the table untouched. Then he gets to his point, which is that Ivan is running out of time to give up any information. "We're moving on Romanov's week," he says. "Try the borscht," Ivan hard-asses. After Ivan spits on the floor to demonstrate how uncooperative he's not, Sam deadpans, "I can see you're on the fence. I'll give you some time to consider your options. You can wear the thinking-bag." That would be the black cloth bag, which Sam puts over Ivan's head. It looks freshly laundered, at least. Before leaving, Sam turns on a boom box to maximum volume with some crazy-fast electronica, adding, "AND HERE'S SOME THINKING MUSIC!" Oh, that's just mean.
Outside, Sam meets up with Michael and Nate, telling them that after a few hours of battering Ivan's skull with that shit, they'll stick him back in the cell so he'll be nice and happy to see his old friend Michael. But for now, Sam's off to another meeting with Harvey. "The Best of Bulgarian Disco?" Nate reads incredulously from one of Sam's CD cases. Sam's says he's saving that for bedtime. Michael's like, can I sleep in the spare cargo container, then?
As Sam sits at another expensively laid lunch table with Harvey, Michael VOs that while some sources will give up all they know in exchange for some "kind words and free drinks," others aren't so obliging. And when that happens, "A good operative has to apply pressure. And that means knowing just what a source loves." After bringing up the list of names he wants and getting put off again, Sam asks Harvey, "Do you like being secretary/treasurer of the Agricultural Association of South Florida?" "Nah, I'm trying to get back to teaching high school," Harvey deadpans. Then he cackles about how much he loves the gig, and wonders why Sam asks. Sam angrily accuses Harvey of jerking him around, and as he says that he's actually trying to find out about opium poppies, he digs out a fake badge and says, "I'm with the DEA!" He sort of waves the badge around so Harvey can't get a good look at it, but Harvey's too busy choking to look closely anyway. Sam dispenses a series of threats and even gets up to leave, but Harvey, in a panic, promises to have the list tomorrow. Sam's mood improves at once. "Liquid gold," he agrees, sipping his wine. Harvey's appetite is spoiled. Try some Big Red, Harvey. Cinamonny.
Back in the cargo container, Michael is again playing the part of the suspicious accomplice, but Ivan maintains that he's said nothing. "If they know where the girls are..." Michael begins. Ivan assures Michael that he's the only one who knows where the safe house is. And furthermore, "My men have orders. If anyone but me comes to the safe house, they kill the girls and leave. If they don't hear from me by Friday, same thing. Takarov has nothing to worry about from me." Looking defeated in more ways than one, Michael apologizes in subtitled Russian. "I should not have doubted you," he says sadly. Just in case you're not getting it, Ivan underscores the bottom line: there's nothing anyone can do before the girls are dead.
Back at Madeline's house, Michael has apparently spent the commercial break explaining the situation to Nate, and Nate isn't too happy to hear it. "Ivan's got to be at the safe house by tomorrow, or Elena's dead," he bitches, like this is Michael's fault. "And he can't be there, because we've got him in a box in a concrete plant." Okay, that's Michael's fault. Still, Nate's like a walking previouslies sometimes, isn't he? Fortunately, Michael's got a plan: Ivan's going to have to escape. Michael figures it's the only way Ivan will go to the safe house, because he'll be too suspicious if they just let him go. Nate argues, Michael slaps him down, and scene.
On his way out of the yard, Madeline stops Michael and gives him a hard time about the way he's been treating Nate lately. "Ma, I've been living in a storage container for two days," Michael points out. "Maybe we could call it even?" Madeline isn't about letting things go, and insists that Nate cares about what Michael thinks. She even reminds Michael that Nate's first word was "Michael." "It was 'juice,'" Michael corrects. "I was there. His first word was 'juice.'" "You know what he meant," Madeline insists. She piles on by saying that Nate's real problems began when Michael left, so he needs to give him a chance. If you're expecting Michael to be irritated at being blamed for what a loser his brother turned out to be, you will be disappointed. Fortunately I'm irritated enough for both of us.
Back in the cargo container, Michael is pacing nervously and fretting theatrically to Ivan about their limited options. Even if they're freed, which seems unlikely, Boss Takarov is going to think they talked and will have them killed. Unless, that is, they get out of there first. "Can I trust you with my life?" he asks Ivan in Russian. "Yes," Ivan responds in English. Michael shows him a paper clip he managed to snag during his last interrogation. That paper clip, he says, is their key out; he can undo his handcuffs, and they can overpower the guard and escape. Ivan wonders what happens , as in how do they get off the grounds. Michael conveniently "overheard" the guards "talking," and has "figured out" that they're not being held in a real jail, but only a temporary facility that they'll be moved out of soon, at which point it will be too late. Hearing a car drive up, Michael tells Ivan to decide now. Ivan's in.
A moment later, Michael's cuffed with the thinking-bag over his head and Nate standing to him, gun at Michael's head and ordering Michael to move. Ivan -- cuffed to the far end of the container and thus out of action for what's about to transpire -- distracts Nate with some big talk while Michael picks the lock on his handcuffs and uses a lightning move to disarm Nate and ditch the thinking-bag. As the two brothers commence sort-of-fake-fighting while Ivan watches, Michael VOs how hard it is to look like you're trying to kill someone without actually hurting him. "They don't teach half moves in combat training." Too bad they only have one thinking-bag, or else Ivan could be wearing the other one. But then there'd be one less fight scene in the episode, and that just wouldn't do. After exchanging a few blows, Michael thinks he and Nate have put on enough of a show for Ivan. But Nate won't stay down, so Michael has to continue fighting while VOing and demonstrating some possible options, like opening your hand before a punch lands, or spin-kicking your opponent in the shoulder, which sends him flying without killing him. This last move sends Nate sprawling out of the trailer and out of the view of Ivan, who only hears gunshots and some yelling from Sam -- followed by more gunshots -- before Michael uncuffs Ivan from outside, returns, and says, "Let's go." They start walking right out of there. Ivan wants to go right to Romanov's to warn Takarov that the heat is moving in, but Michael says they can't afford to show up in front of the boss empty-handed. Much better to get to the girls and secure them first. As they get into Nate's parked rental car, Ivan tells Michael, "They are in Hialeah. I will show you." Michael does a slick J-turn out of there. As they leave the abandoned grounds, Ivan somehow doesn't notice Sam and Fi pulling in behind him in the Charger. I can see how Fi would be great at tailing people on foot -- she could just turn to the side whenever her quarry looks back -- but that big black car is kind of a giveaway.
When Michael and Ivan arrive at the safe house, Michael's acting all paranoid while Ivan assures him everything's fine. The guard at the front door wants to know where Ivan has been and who the guy with him is. "This is Sergei, he's all right," Ivan says urgently, in a rush to get the girls moved before the cops arrive. He leads Michael to a TV room with a dozen or more women stashed inside and orders them all to the van waiting outside. Once they're all loaded in the back, Michael and Ivan discuss their move: Michael will take the girls to a place that only he knows about, taking along Ivan's guys for security. Ivan, meanwhile, will report back to Takarov to warn him. "Who knows, we might even come out heroes," Michael says. Ivan likes the sound of that, and he gratefully drives off after saying he won't forget this. "I'm sure you won't, Ivan," Michael allows himself as Ivan embraces him. Once Ivan is gone, one of his guys asks in Russian where they're going. "Change of plans," Michael announces, and whirls to take out the two gunmen closest to him. Before the other three can fire, Sam and Fi appear, cocking weapons of their own. Cut that close, didn't they? Michael would have been embarrassed if he'd tried to pull that when Sam and Fi were still on the turnpike. Michael opens the back of the van and tells the women inside in Russian, "It's okay. You're safe now." Somehow, in Russian, even that sounds kind of menacing.
Cut to Takarov with his lieutenants at Romanov's, as Michael VOs about the awesome move he just pulled. "The greatest achievement is to get a guy to turn on his own people because he thinks he's being loyal." With that, Ivan rushes into Romanov's, breathlessly warning Takarov to get out now. "They busted the operation in Tampa. They're coming here . They had me and Sergei but we escaped." Takarov of course knows nothing about any Tampa operation, or any Sergei, or any bust of any kind, and is not pleased when he learns that "Sergei" has the girls, and that Ivan has talked to the CIA. This is not going the way Ivan expected, especially when Takarov pulls a wickedly curved knife and orders Ivan taken upstairs. These last few hours have been kind of an emotional roller coaster for Ivan, haven't they? From despair to hope to freedom to excitement to ow that was my spleen.
The debriefing takes place at -- where else? A sidewalk café. Sitting with Nate, Katya, and Elena, Michael denouements that Takarov has skipped town and headed north, having left Ivan's body in a Fort Lauderdale Dumpster. "Dumpster is too god for him," Katya Russians, and Elena translates that to a thank you. Nate gives a dramatic grunt, and points out that Michael cracked three of his ribs. Michael's still rolling his eyes about Nate's whining when Katya apologizes to him for getting mad. "Nate said you know what to do," she admits. "Always you were right." "This Nate?" Michael asks. "Nate said that?" Nate churlishly backs away from the remark, but Michael is the bigger person here: "Thank Nate, Katya. I couldn't have done it without him. And I'm not always right." Katya plants a kiss on Nate's cheek, improving his mood considerably. Michael gets up and leaves, while Nate is still too moved by the tender moment to realize that his brother just stuck him with the check.
When we see Michael, he's sitting in the parked Charger with Fi, and they're on stakeout. "$1,350, and all Sam got on Carla was a P.O. box," Fi sighs, holding up a business card that reads "Carla Baxter, PO Box 0044 Coral Key, FL, [ZIP code: Fi's thumb]. The card also says that Carla's an aquifer specialist. And that's everything we have on Carla. "More than I had, Fi," Michael says with equanimity. "Someone's got to pick up the mail sometime," he adds as they watch the "Mail N More" across the street. And when they do, I'm sure nobody will notice the big black Charger that belongs to the guy they've been pursuing, surveilling, recruiting, and generally fucking with for the past year. Fi decides to lighten the mood by cranking some Bulgarian disco, which will make them even more inconspicuous, sitting there with the windows open. As the camera pulls up and away over the busy street, Michael's VO has a news flash for us: "Intelligence gathering isn't all running around with a gun and a spy camera. When the operation demands it, you get to sit in a hot car with no air conditioning. in downtown Miami." With Fi and nine hundred decibels of Bulgarian disco, no less.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com