Empty Places

S07E19

Over the Buffy preview, UPN tries to tell me that I'll have to say goodbye to Buffy. Funny, feels like I already did two years ago.

Previouslies. Can't recap. Gratuitous eye-gouging.

Pan up on the main street of Sunnydale. Lines of cars inch along; between them, people on foot wander down the street carrying their most precious belongings. Ack. Remind me not to be caught in a town that lacks good public transport during an apocalypse. Buffy meanders beside the cars, surveying the scene. So, everyone is fleeing. Because Buffy is a sucky Slayer. Every car, every single pedestrian is like a personal rejection of Buffy. "Hey you!" calls a voice from off-screen. It's Clem, everyone's favorite loose-skinned, kitten-eating demon. He's driving a shiny new Beetle. Must be some high-stakes kitten poker he's been playing. Possibly with Siegfried and Roy. Clem makes a comment about the snarl of traffic. "Think these people have never seen an apocalypse before." Y'know, I'm so glad that they're finally showing us something (anything!) that I'm not even going to bust them for the fact that strange goings-on have marked Sunnydale for years and this is the first time the citizenry has seen fit to flee. Oh, but wait. I just realized that they haven't even bothered to TELL us why everyone is getting the hell out of Dodge. Sigh. I guess I've got to switch my default mode back over to bubbling hate. Pity. I was really enjoying the view from disengaged apathy.

Clem explains that things are getting bad on the Hellmouth. "You can't swing a cat without hitting some kind of demonic activity." Ah. I used to swing cats. Latch loved it. Really. When she was a kitten, she used to get in those plastic grocery store bags, and I'd swing her around my head. She even used to drag the bags out from beneath the kitchen sink and bring them to me. Fun stuff. Until the day the bag broke. Kidding! "Not that I swing cats. Or eat [them]," Clem quickly amends. He goes on to say that this time the Hellmouth energy seems more sinister. "I don't think anyone's going to be able to stop it." See? Even the people who know Buffy don't have any faith in her. Do you see how she suffers? As soon as the words have left his mouth, he says, "I mean, I'm sure you'll do fine…if anyone can do it, you can because you ROCK!" See? See how awful it is for Buffy that NOBODY has faith in her? Clem continues to stick the skin folds of his foot-area in his mouth, saying, "If you save the world I'll come back and we'll have drinks." "If"? Jeebus. This is so ham-fisted, I'm surprised that the writer didn't need to rent a monkey to type it up for him. Ahhhh. That was lovely. I just drifted into a little fantasy. A world where people really did rent monkeys to type up their scripts. But then the TWoP Secret Ops (say it ten times fast) broke into the Monkey Pool and replaced them all with Action Monkeys! Action Monkeys with highly advanced cliché detectors which automatically override the neural networks of any monkeys exposed to excessive clichés and stilted storytelling devices, causing said monkey to beat the offending writer to death with his or her own keyboard. Sigh. If only such a world existed. I might have been free of this albatross two years ago. Okay. Back to the bit of fiction you actually tuned in to read about. Clem finally decides to level with Buffy and advises her, "Maybe you should just get out of town this time."

Meanwhile, Somewhere Else In Sunnydale That Is Not The Living Room Of Casa Summers (What's up? Is it my birthday?), Giles thanks a police officer for his assistance. The officer insists that all the thanks belong to the "Inspector." He's in awe, because they don't get a lot of contact with Interpol. Heh. He asks if there's any other way he can be of assistance. Willow insists that they're fine. "Wait," says the officer confused. "Who are you?" Willow concentrates hard and with a very "these are not the droids you're looking for" delivery says, "I'm with the Inspector." He seems to be placated by this response. "You just let us know if you need help with your guy because we are itching to hand out some justice." As Willow's mind control begins to slip again, Giles hurriedly says that it's time they were "catching their flight to…Interpol," and drags Willow off. A couple of officers exit from the police station and hand an escaped fugitive report to the first guy. He's pleased. "Sounds like a situation that needs some justice."

Hospital. Poor one-eyed Xander lies in a hospital bed. I guess the old adage that masturbation will make you blind is true after all. Imagine what might have happened if he had been able to finish the job. Willow sits beside him and holds his hand as Buffy gingerly steps around the subject at hand, saying that he'll notice some bruising around the "area." She nervously goes on to report what he can expect from the medications they have him on. You see, Buffy is all emotionally shut off. We're probably supposed to think it's because she feels immensely guilty about Xander's injury, but between you and me I think she's just an emotionally shriveled bitch. Buffy says that "I think we're all caught up then," like she's ending some sort of business meeting instead of visiting the bedside of her recently wounded comrade-in-arms, and reaches for the stack of files that Willow brought. Willow is confused, because "there were going to be card games." Buffy pleads her excuse about being close to a breakthrough. Willow is upset with this decision, but Xander lets Buffy off with an "I might see you tonight. Without depth perception, of course." Man, tell me about it. Before I got my glasses, I was frizicking blind in one eye for a few years, and man, did my pool game suck. Willow tries to make with the funny and suggests they order some "cherry-flavored off-brand gelatin." "I'm gonna need a parrot," interrupts Xander. It's the accessory of the season for an eye patch. Willow suggests that he look into getting a peg-leg a well. "Oh, you know what the best part is?" jokes Xander. "No one will EVER make me watch Jaws 3D again." Oh, wait. That wasn't a joke at all. Jaws 3D really, really sucks. Willow tries to play along, but her breathing gets ragged and she starts to tear up. She grabs his hand hard. "Don't, Willow," begs Xander. "Please don't." Willow bites back her tears, and they sit in silence for a moment. Aw. Was that a Scooby moment? Blink and you'll miss 'em.

In the basement at Casa Summers, Anya and Andrew are giving an informational presentation to the collected Junior Misses. Anya is telling everyone an oh-so-vital piece of intel, namely that the "Übervamps are hard to kill." Andrew writes "Übervamps are hard to kill" on the whiteboard." He doesn't use an umlaut. My soul screams. Anya tries to rally some enthusiasm, saying that new information from her contacts reveals that they can indeed be staked through the heart. Either Anya is deliberately misinforming the girls, or her contact didn't see "Bring On The Night." Or -- and I can't even believe that I'm going to suggest this -- the writers themselves goofed up. I KNOW. Perish the thought, huh? bit of info: although the Übies are so very stake-able, they've all been doing those Pecs of Steel videos fanatically (it's so hard to get good workout tapes in the underworld. All they've really got are those Alyssa Milano ones from the '80s), and therefore it takes quite a jab to do the job. Anya concludes, "But you guys are all super-strong, right?" I swear, that question was taken directly from the writers' roundtable, as everyone but the writers of this show seems to remember the Junior Misses do not, in fact, have plus four to hit against undead yet. Rona breaks in to say that at this point she's more afraid of Father Insert Witty Name Here than the übervamps they haven't even seen in the last ten episodes. "Why bother," glums Millie. "Nothing works, nothing will." Oh, Millie! Don't be a pain-bow! Anya loses what little composure she has and tells the group that she personally would rather be with Xander right now. And probably would be too, "if not for a certain awkward discussion he and I recently had right over there on that cot, immediately following some exciting and unexpected break-up sex." Andrew dutifully writes "break-up sex" on the board while the Junior Misses who were seated on said cot find some new seats. "But I need to give him some space…so I'm contributing all I can and so will all of you. You can't stop just because something else is trying to kill you too." Anyone feeling inspired yet?

Meanwhile, upstairs, Faith is sitting on the counter, munching on TITS. Yeah, okay, they're chips of some kind, but what I can see of the bag says TIT. Kennedy approaches from behind her and asks if there's enough TIT to go around. Without moving a muscle, Faith's prison reflexes kick in and she says, "I'll trade you for a carton of cigarettes and some soap," before realizing that we don't have a barter economy on the outside. ["Obviously, since repeated offers on our boards to trade various left arms for some continuity have gone unheeded." -- Sars] She passes the bag to Kennedy. Millie comes up from the basement and wonders if there're going to be questions about Anya's sex life on the exam, but then the girls segue into the bitching, pissing, and moaning some more section of tonight's episode.

Buffy arrives home and calls out to see who's around. She's ambushed by Dawn, who -- JESUS, DAWN! Did you lose an eye too? There is no planet where Bubble-Yum pink is an acceptable color to pair with traffic-cone orange. Dawn immediately asks how Xander is. Buffy's reply is not, "Glad that he's less able to see you in that outfit." Instead, she tight-lips that he's almost ready to be back at home before turning her attention to the folder she brought with her. She explains that it's info from the police database. "Incidents of violence and vandalism connected to California religious institutions," reads Faith. Oh, right. If I remember correctly, Caleb's accent is distinctly central California. Possibly even the tri-county area. NOT. Dude, you schmucks deserve to get eaten. Dawn wants to talk about Xander some more, but Buffy ignores her questions and remains pointedly silent. Faith, twigging to the sitch, tells Shiny McWhiny to "go and get some of the stuff you already got from Giles." Dawn takes the hint and says, "Or we can talk about this later maybe." Buffy instructs the remaining girls to "try to find anything that looks like Caleb. His church. His ring." "His ability to render a Slayer useless in just one punch," mutters Kennedy. Buffy gives her a Look. Kennedy stumbles over her words, saying, "I didn't…that was stupid. I don't know why I said that." Well, let's see if I can break it down for you in very easy-to-follow steps. That was a stupid remark. You, Kennedy, are stupid. Therefore, you make stupid remarks. Buffy brushes off the comment and says she needs to take a little trip to the school and pick up her things.

High school. It's deserted. Buffy walks slowly down the hall past a wall of open lockers. She enters her office, possibly looking for her stapler, and spies a picture left behind on her desk. It's a picture of the three core Scoobs from Season One, back when they were happy and before the show began its painful slide into mediocrity. She begins to tear up, but Caleb's voice from off-screen breaks her reverie: "Things don't go exactly your way so here come the waterworks. Ain't that just like a woman?" Oh, look -- it's a tired, one-note villain. Ain't that jess laik a bunch of warshed-up, creatively bankrupt writers. Clichéd villain alert! Calling all Action Monkeys! Wuh? Where are they? Don't tell me I forgot to pay the Action Monkey bill! Noooooooo!

We come back from commercial. Buffy jumps up, and Father Maladjusted orders her to mind her manners. He speechifies. Buffy inches closer to the chest of drawers behind her. I notice a lonesome little potted plant that's been left behind. Poor little plant. Her hand slowly lingers on the drawer pull behind her when Caleb notices. "Ah, ah, ah. Wouldn't do that were I you, sweetpea." He asks after Xander. Wiggling his thumb, he adds, "Anytime he's willing I'm ready to finish the job." Buffy manages to remember that she cares about Xander and grits, "Go near Xander again and I will end you." Father Misogyny flings the table aside and reminds Buffy mind her manners again. Caleb doesn't understand why Buffy is so reticent when "history is gonna look back at you, at me, this place and see the glory…we're all going to be part of the great sweeping tide of change. So why would you wanna miss that?" "I guess I'm just ornery," says Buffy, delivering a hard right hook to his face. They fight. Caleb quickly gets the upper hand and lifts Buffy into the air by her throat. For some reason, Buffy doesn't kick him in the nuts. Most misogynists have nuts, you know. Shriveled though they are, they probably still don't like the pointy toe of a Charles David boot invading their space. "I'm going to take such sweet pleasure in taming you," gloats Caleb. He throws her through the window of her office and into the hallway, where she hits the wall and bounces down on the ground. Caleb promises to "see [her] soon" before taking off. Because that's what villains do when they have their enemies at a disadvantage. Stroll off into the sunset and leave them to fight another day.

Casa Summers. Dawn and Giles are deep in research. Giles is wearing a turtleneck sweater to hide evidence of his earlier fervent make-out session with Anya. Dawn has found something notable at the mission in Gilroy. Andrew trots in to whine that Faith took the last Hot Pocket even though he called it. Giles leafs through the Gilroy report and says to Dawn, "I don't see anything." He ignores Andrew so utterly and completely that I am in absolute awe. Dawn says that the locals noticed some vandalism and then reported the place as abandoned, even though there's still a small but active order at the mission, but when the cops showed up they had all gone. Andrew goes over to the freezer and hoists the empty Hot Pocket box with Post-It note intact as evidence. Giles notices something in the picture and goes to the living room with Dawn to fetch a magnifying glass. Andrew is hot on their heels, still squealing about the damn Hot Pockets and their new and improved tomato sauce. I'm ashamed that I know this, but it's actually the crust that they're touting as new and improved. For the record? It's not. Giles orders Andrew to "Shut up. Pay attention." Took the words right out of my mouth. Giles hands Dawn a magnifying glass and draws her attention to the back wall depicted in the photo. Caleb's seal is burned into the wood. Giles sends Amanda to fetch Spike from the basement.

By Sep

Sunnydale Free-Range Bringer Farm and Winery. "You know what I figured out tonight?" says Caleb. "Every high school in this country from one end to the other smells exactly alike." Huh? What does that mean? Are we supposed to think that Caleb has been visiting schools all across the country? Let me add a few more important questions. Who is he? What's his motivation? Why is he so strong? What's his history? Why does he have a bowl cut? Villains should NOT look like they get their hair cut at Fantastic Sam's, for crap's sake. It's, like, one of the first things they teach you at Villain School. First Buffy wants to know if the "proper groundwork" has been laid. Y'know, it's harder and harder to tell Evil Buffy and Good Buffy apart lately. Father Misguided says, "She's so ready to walk them right into it."

The Bronze. End of the world party goin' on. The place is pretty crowded -- it's possible that most of the women there are Junior Misses we just don't recognize. Faith shakes her groove thing over to where Millie is sitting. Millie's holding a drink, and gushes, "Buffy would never let us do this! You are SO COOL." She giggles, and Faith takes her drink away, promising to bring her a "real nice 7-Up" instead. She heads back to the dance floor, but is interrupted by a few of the cops from earlier in the episode. Faith greets them cheerfully, but they're all business as they ask her to leave with them. Faith invites the boys in blue to join the party, but instead they grab her and manhandle her towards an exit, ignoring Dawn and Kennedy's protests. As they haul her out, Faith wriggles like she's trying to get free, but I have a hard time believing that a Slayer couldn't shake off two little cop-guys if she wanted to. The cops take Faith outside into an alley, and a crowd of concerned Junior Misses look on through the open door as Faith tells her new buddies, "I'm not going back to jail!" She knocks one cop away from her and then starts to get an inkling of the trouble she's in as another cop closes the Bronze door and the rest of Sunnydale's finest cock their weapons (which is a phrase that could be misinterpreted concerning Faith) and point them at her. One cop sasses, "Who said anything about jail?" Dramatic music. Commercial break.

Faith manages to disarm all the cops in the alley, and begins fighting them. Inside the Bronze, an SPD chump with a rifle guards the doors and tells the Junior Misses to stay back. Dawn, with some Angry Arms of her own, tells him, "You can't keep us in here." More Faith-y fighting in the alley. Those nightsticks are gonna leave a mark! Inside, Dawn tells Rifle Chump she's going to make a call, so he fires into the ceiling, smashing a light fixture, and again recommends that the girls just wait for the alley encounter to be over. Faith is still fighting in the alley, and the fact that the cops are getting up after she knocks them down leads me to believe she's going easy on them. Unimpressed by the blast from his phallic substitute (is it any coincidence that all the cops in this scene are male?), the Junior Misses advance on him. Kennedy sasses that he'll have to shoot them all, and he replies he's not too concerned about that. For the slower viewers in the audience, Rona expositions, "These cops are really getting Hellmouth-y." In what I must admit is a really nice move, Kennedy then grabs the cop's rifle and swings it suddenly upwards, using it to smack him in the face. She then pulls the weapon away from him. Some of the other girls whack at him with pool cues and then, shrieking (could we expect anything less?), Dawn leaps on his back. The other Junior Misses rush out the door and into the alley, where they see Faith on the ground, being beaten by a circle of SPD jerks.

Junior Misses attack! Faith and Kennedy have just managed to trounce all the 'roid-rage boys in blue when Buffy arrives on the scene. She appears absolutely gobsmacked as she demands, "Faith! What are you doing!" Rubbing her arm, Faith explains that they were "just blowing off steam" until being confronted by the death squad. Buffy gapes, her jaw hanging open, as scads of Junior Misses, led by Dawn, come rushing out of the Bronze. Buffy tells all the Junior Misses to head for home 'cause Faith has some 'splaining to do. Dawn tries to say something, but Buffy interrupts and tells her to leave too. Once they're alone, Buffy shows how angry she is, dismissing Faith's explanation that the girls needed a break. Buffy snips that fighting doesn't count as "blowing off steam" (ignoring about seven seasons' worth of evidence that it does), and is particularly annoyed that the girls were drunk, although I'm not sure how she knew that from her two-second contact with them. Faith admits that things "got out of hand" and looks pretty uncomfortable, which is about as much of an apology as you're likely to get from her. Buffy won't let up, though, harshing that she "need[s] to know that [the] girls are gonna be safe when [she's] not around." Aw, poor Buffy. Are Faith and Giles playing with her fighty toys too much? Taking them out of the box and having fun when she's not there? Buffy and Faith argue, with Faith taking the stance that Buffy should give the Junior Misses more credit and a few more opportunities for experience. Buffy isn't having it, saying that Faith shouldn't have "thrown children" into such a dangerous situation. Faith counters that they aren't children, so Buffy falls back on classic schoolyard loser's argument: "That really isn't the point!" Oh, it isn't? I thought it was exactly the point that you were just trying to make. Buffy stomps away, but Faith, fed up with what she might perceive as Buffy's full-on hypocrisy, calls after her, "What about the vineyard?" When Buffy turns around, Faith continues, "How safe were they when you dragged them off to meet Caleb? How safe were Rona or [Millie] or Molly?" Which leads Buffy to resort to another schoolyard loser's favorite gambit -- punching Faith real hard. In the face. That's right, Buffy. You put your minions in their place. They're there to fight for you, not have opinions, right? Buffy walks away, leaving Faith on the ground, holding her cheek. I have to give Faith a lot of credit for not rushing after Buffy and beating the crap out of her, because that's what I was itching to do.

Oh. Road trip of annoying blond secondary and tertiary characters. Warning: dangerously failed humor ahead. Spike putts along on his motorcycle with Andrew behind him, wearing Dawn's football helmet from "Bargaining, Part II." Andrew wants to stop for snacks, Spike doesn't. I am utterly consumed with not caring. In what passes for character continuity these days, they then have a conversation about deep-fried onion blossoms. Oh, for the days when the characters just acted like themselves and the writers didn't have to resort to diabetic-coma-inducing cutesy moments like these to convince us that we're actually watching the same people we were three years ago. Spike tells Andrew, "You tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you." They ride into the night, sadly not encountering any guy wires stretched across the road at neck height.

Principal Wood walks up onto the Summers's porch and, encountering Faith, asks if "the big meeting" has started yet. They both realize who they're talking to, and Wood again asks if he's missed the start of the meeting. What's his big hang-up there? Why doesn't he just go in and check? Faith assures him that he hasn't missed anything yet. She explains her bruises as cop-inflicted, then adds a dig about also getting punched by someone "who just thinks she's a cop." "It's my most favorite of all my current bruises," she snarks. I wish they had kept Wood's retort in the shooting script: "I have no favorite bruise. I love them all the same." Wood wants to know if Faith is going to "ice" Buffy now. What a dork. Faith gives herself a metaphorical pat on the back, and Wood asks, "For what? For not killing Buffy?" Hell, yeah! In fact, forget the pat on the back. Faith deserves a frickin' parade for not killing Buffy after that insufferably snotty punch in the alley. Faith explains she's doing a whole turning the other cheek routine these days, because "other things matter more." Wood suggests that perhaps Faith is worried about Buffy (and it's about time someone is), but Faith shrugs that off. Wood thinks he's right, because he claims to read people well. Then there's some dialogue wherein Faith establishes that Wood walked quite a long way from his house to the Summers house, at night, alone. She suggests that he must be looking for a fight and that he might have some "bigger issues" than Buffy. Wood stares at her rather appreciatively; Faith just says, "I read people too." A car pulls up in the driveway. Faith observes, "Xander's home."

Gilroy. Mission Nuestra Señora Del Ajo Sagrado -- one of the lesser-known California missions. Andrew and Spike enter the mission. The place seems deserted until a figure in dark robes rushes out of a side door and attacks Andrew. Then there's -- how you say? Ah, yes. Fighting. Spike gets the better of the robed figure and yanks off its hood. Instead of the Bringer we might've expected (if we bothered to pay any attention to scenes featuring either Spike or Andrew), the attacker is actually a fairly normal-looking guy, who just happens to have the mark of Caleb's ring branded onto his face. Dramatic Dissonant Strings Of Finding A Clue screech on the soundtrack.

Summers living room. Giles mopes against the mantelpiece under a banner that reads, "Welcome home." The room is filled with Junior Misses (and Dawn), still all dressed up from their night out. Xander comes in, flanked by Anya and Willow, his (lack of) eye still covered by white bandages. The soundtrack tells us to be very, very sad. Xander is surprised to see everyone there, and Kennedy explains, "We didn't have time to do more. You have to pretend there's a big party here." You mean, you didn't have time to do more because you were all out getting drunk at the Bronze -- right, Kennedy? And I'm totally confused as to what event was really organized for this night. Wood shows up for a "big" meeting, but Faith took the girls out and so would've missed it, but it's also a big welcome home for Xander? Or was the big meeting Wood was invited to called at the last minute by Buffy? Dawn rushes to Xander and gives him a huge hug. As she leads him to a chair, Xander tries to crack a little joke about being okay without a party because he usually ends up rebuilding after them anyway. Xander is more subdued than usual, and I'd guess that Nick Brendon is playing him as "zonked on painkillers and really depressed." Then Buffy walks in, and it's unclear if she just arrived home or has been there all along. Anyway, she gives a little "welcome home, Xander," with no hug or anything, and then launches into her patented all-about-Buffy routine. She says she wanted Xander to be home to hear what she has to say, as if her upcoming awful plan based on pure speculation will somehow really make his night and take his mind off his disfigurement. She continues, "I think you'll be interested in what I found out." You meant to say "guessed" there, I think. Buffy says she has "figured out" some things about the wine cellar at the Free-Range Bringer Farm and Sunnydale Winery. Giles looks at her with his surprise face. "We're going back in," declares Buffy.

By Sep

Faith says as much, insisting they shouldn't go back in until they have "proof" of Buffy's theory. The discussion starts to get snippety as Buffy says, "I'm not saying it's going to be easy," and Wood chides her, "I think Faith had the floor." Buffy stares at him, shocked and angry, as Faith asks for something real to fight. "Windmills," adds Giles, thereby comparing Buffy to Don Quixote, who mistook windmills for giants. Buffy gets angry and defensive, partly because she didn't understand the reference, and insists that she's right about something being located at the vineyard. Giles says that since they can't be sure, she's asking too much of the group. Instead of calling her lieutenants into another room and opening the floor to suggestions for plans other than frontal assault, Buffy begins whining about how she can't believe they would doubt her; she's kept them all safe for seven years. She's shocked they don't trust her, and Giles knocks one out of the park by reminding her, "Didn't you say to me today you can't trust us? Perhaps there's something there that should be addressed!" And wouldn't it be nice if it were? But that would be character development and character progression, and we certainly can't have that when we could have bizarre sulky mutinies instead. Buffy doesn't spend a second considering what a hypocrite she is for demanding the unfailing trust of a bunch of people she denigrates, resents, and doesn't believe in, but instead just bitchily rolls her eyes and then makes some sort of paranoid jump to deciding that Giles sent Spike away so the group could "ambush" her. She's demented, y'all. How could they plan an ambush? They didn't know what she was going to say. Plus, I think they could equally well disagree with her with Spike in the room, unless she's implying that she'd use him to shut them all up. I wouldn't put it past her at this point. Rona speaks for Ace and me both when she snaps, "I am sick of your deal with this Spike guy!" Go, cranky Rona! Rona also tells Buffy she's being "reckless." Buffy gives her a fuck-you glare and snips, "What?" Kennedy agrees, and when Willow interrupts, Kennedy snaps at her for always sticking up for Buffy. But Willow's not in this case. Instead, she sadly tells Buffy, "I'm worried about your judgment."

The fact that no one agrees with her starts to sink in with Buffy, and she turns to look at Faith, who shrugs. Buffy then says she's not running a democracy; the group needs someone to "issue orders" and "be reckless" and "not take [their] feelings into account." And despite this being what Giles has essentially been telling Buffy all season, he just turns away from her. Damn you, Zombie Giles! And you know what else? I'm not falling for your little trick to try to gain back my affections by sending Spike and Andrew away, either! Also? You look like a tool in that turtleneck! "You need someone to lead you," finishes Buffy, which prompts Anya to observe sarcastically, "And it's automatically you." She goes on to resurrect Buffy's supposed superiority complex from "Conversations with Dead People," which, despite Buffy's near failure as a human being this season, I still don't believe is the correct diagnosis. Anya's not done, though, saying that Buffy didn't "earn" or "work for" her Slayer legacy -- her powers were "just handed" to her. Buffy is dumbfounded as Anya concludes, "So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us." As much as Buffy is getting on my nerves this season, I don't think I can agree with Anya that Slayers are ever lucky. And Anya's point about Buffy's powers not being a merit-based reward are only tangentially related to this conversation. It seems most of the people there would be happy to follow Buffy if she had faith in them and appeared to have any interest at all in their suggestions and concerns. "I've gotten us this far," says Buffy quietly, which causes Xander to rouse himself from his Vicodin-induced haze and reply, "But not without a price." He continues, "I'm trying to see your point here, Buff, but I guess it must be a little bit to my left, 'cause I just don't." Ouch! Burn! For anyone who hasn't seen this episode yet, Xander lost his left eye.

By Sep

Mission Nuestra Señora Del Ajo Sagrado. Spike and Andrew grill the branded monk on what he knows about Caleb. Andrew tries to pull a not very convincing "bad cop" routine, but Spike just asks for the monk's help. The monk insists there's no stopping Caleb, but then says he'll "show" them what Caleb was after. Apparently, the misogynist freak showed up at Ajo Sagrado one night, and the monks took him in and offered to feed him. However, Caleb came for something else -- blathering and "secret room" opening, apparently. In the secret room, Caleb found the inscription he was looking for, but what it said made him very, very angry. I'm guessing it read, "Firefly's dead, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!" Or something. So Caleb got cranky, branded this monk, and slaughtered the rest of his brothers. And his burn has had time to heal into a scar, yet he didn't leave the place or get reassigned? Um, okay. Spike takes a candelabra over to the inscription (which looks like Latin written in Greek letters, according to some posters on our boards) and translates, "'It is not for thee. It is for her alone to wield.'" Will this be significant later? Because I'm having trouble keeping track of all the hints and portents that have been brought up and then dropped this season, and if this one isn't going to be significant, I'd rather not make room for it in my already cluttered brain.

By Sep

In the Summers living room, Buffy is trying to explain why she wants to go back to the vineyard. She says that she ran into Caleb earlier at the school, which causes Dawn to react in surprise, since Buffy hadn't shared this earlier. Buffy assures everyone that she's fine, and explains her flimsy little theory: despite the fact that they've spent an awful lot of time at the school dealing with the Hellmouth, it's currently unguarded by Bringers. She's decided that something important must be at the winery, since that's where Caleb has his headquarters. As for what Caleb has at the winery, Buffy is certain: "I say it's their power. And I say we go in and take it away from them." I grant that it's interesting that no one is guarding the Hellmouth, but I have a few quibbles. First, Caleb was just lurking in the school earlier that day. He could've gone there just to find Buffy, but she doesn't know that for sure. If he wanted to find her, it would be just as easy for him to come to her house. Also, the Hellmouth has always seemed to open and release its problems just fine without any guarding. Buffy should know that. Perhaps Caleb has every confidence that the Hellmouth will be there when he needs it, and meanwhile, he's just a big sucker for religious symbolism, so he hangs out with lots of wine. That, or he just can't shake his pesky Boone's Farm addiction. Any way you look at it, Buffy has an interesting idea that merits further discussion, but that in no way justifies an all-out assault on the headquarters of the enemy.

By Sep

For one second it appears that Buffy will unclench a little when she says she'll "hear suggestions," but that hope flies out the window when she insists, "But this is the plan!" She says they have to be together or they'll fail, and Giles snaps that they are clearly not together. "Which is why you have to fall in line!" replies Buffy, and all hope for her is lost. She Alexander Haigs that she's in charge, and Rona challenges her, saying that Faith is a Slayer too, so why isn't Faith in charge? Faith protests that she's not trying to take command, and says that everything will be fine if Buffy takes a nap and calms down. Well, Buffy is acting like that snotty bully friend we all had when we were eight who had to dictate every activity or game or she'd throw a temper tantrum, so a nap might actually help. Kennedy suggests voting to decide which Slayer will be boss, but Buffy protests that she "didn't get [that] this was a popularity contest," and she wants her chance to take everyone out to get drunk. Faith suggests that learning the girls' names might've been a good start. The tiny, tiny bit of affection I still have for Buffy keeps me hoping during this scene that she'll just back down, defuse the situation, and regroup, but at every turn she makes the wrong decision.

By Sep

Buffy turns on Faith, sneering that Faith must be enjoying coming back once more to take everything Buffy has. She's reached shouting pitch: "Did you tell them how you used to kill people for fun? Hey you guys, isn't that nifty?" Dawn looks like she can't breathe, and Giles interrupts, "Buffy, that's enough!" Faith gets the floor for a second, saying she came to Sunnydale to do right, but not to be Buffy's "lapdog." She doesn't know if she can lead the group, but thinks "the real question is, can [Buffy] follow?" Wood calls for a vote, and Buffy asks them to wait. It seems again that she might back down, but then says she knows she's right. "I can't stay here and watch [Faith] lead you into some disaster." Waaaah! If we can't play dress-up my way, I'm taking all my toys and I'm leaving! There's a silence, and then Dawn stands up and tells her sister, "Then you can't stay here." So, as far as I see it, nobody was going to ask Buffy to leave before Buffy issued her stupid little ultimatum. Dawn just called Buffy's bluff. Hee. Buffy said she wouldn't stay if she wasn't in charge, and Dawn basically told her, "Then leave." Dawn continues that she loves Buffy, but feels her presence will be divisive. She again asks Buffy to leave. Buffy looks around the room, but no one has anything more to say. She grabs her coat and storms out the front door. "Ding-dong, the witch is dead," smart-asses Rona, and gets bitch-rays from Dawn, who snaps, "Shut your mouth."

Buffy holds back tears on the porch as she struggles into her jacket. The front door opens, and Faith is the only one to have followed her. Faith wants Buffy to know that she didn't want things to happen this way and Buffy, crying, says, "Don't." Faith protests, but Buffy continues, "Don't be afraid to lead them. Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours. It's only going to get harder. Protect them." She turns to Faith: "Lead them." Faith nods and goes back inside. Buffy sadly walks away from the house. Was I supposed to be touched by her high-mindedness in giving advice to Faith there? Because I wasn't. That melodramatic noble-suffering crap didn't do much for me.