WARNING: Contents may have shifted during shipping. Oops, that's the wrong warning. The warning is this: This recap contains opinions. It may contain positive opinions of plot points or characters you dislike. It may contain negative opinions of plot points or characters you like. If you don't like opinions that might be negative, or opinions that you don't agree with, DO NOT READ FURTHER.
Previously on Buffy: Anya and Xander were engaged. Yeesh, like any of us could forget the boredom of that. Buffy to Spike: "You play forkittens?" Kittens: "Mew. Mew. Mew." God, I'm such a sucker for kittens. Kittens are my anti-drug. Buffy foisted responsibility off on Giles, who brooded about it but didn't take any positive action. Tara told Willow she's using too much magic and Willow had a conniption fit. She then wiped the argument from Tara's brain. Buffy was in Heaven; the Scooby gang finally found out; Buffy and Spike did a tongue tango.
Night. Buffy is patrolling in a cemetery, although her long white sweater coat and matching turtleneck seem more suited for a day of shopping. She hears a noise behind her and whips around to find Spike. He wants to talk; Buffy declines and starts to walk away. Spike wants to discuss the fact that he and Buffy kissed, "all Gone With the Wind with the rising music, and the rising...music." Boy, I'm so happy to see that this show has really mastered the single entendre. "And what was that, Buffy?" he wants to know. Buffy rolls her eyes (which seem to get a good work-out around Spike) and suggests she kissed him because of "a spell." Spike's not digging that explanation. He insinuates that Buffy isn't quite as "prim and proper" as she's trying to act. Obviously not the right approach as Buffy launches into a rant about how she'll never, ever, kiss or even touch Spike ever again. I predict a head-tilt is in Spike's arsenal of charm. I am right. Note to James: the head-tilt, like the "Anya fears bunnies" joke, is a good thing that is getting overused. I'd like to see a new shorthand for "Spike charmingly attempts to decipher the mystery that is Buffy." Of course, having just insisted that she'll never touch Spike again, Buffy immediately throws him to the ground and jumps on top of him. The jumping in his prone lap seems to be intended to protect him from the flying stake that necessitated his being pushed down in the first place. Or at least I'm sure that's what Buffy is telling herself.
Spike and Buffy look up and see a short, shark-headed man, flanked by two vampires. Apparently, Spike and the shark-headed man have a acquaintance; Sharky takes a while to get to the point, but it turns out he's looking to collect "the forty Siamese" Spike owes him. So he's a loan shark. With a shark's head. On one level I hate this, and on another I love it. I'm a very conflicted person. It's a completely stupid joke, but there's something amusing, even cute, about Sharky's round, blank eyes. Spike insists he'll pay back the kittens he owes (what's backing the kitten standard, anyway?) and Buffy (say it with me, gang!) rolls her eyes. "Why kittens? Why can't you just use money like everybody else?" she asks. I'm asking the same question, Buffy. My answer? Boo. As in, "What has the Mutant Enemy gang been huffing way too much of?" When I come back from my multiple tangents, Spike is saying he needs some more time to make good on his loan. "Time is what turns kittens into cats!" snaps Sharky, and don't tell Frances (nine years old), but I've always felt a little sulky about that myself. The loan shark sics his henchvamps on Spike, but Buffy shoves him out of the way and knocks down both baddies. Sharky offers Buffy a job (that would be one way to pay the bills!), and while they're chatting, Spike scarpers. Sharky bids adieu, and Buffy looks heavenward, saying, "If I would just stop saving [Spike's] life, it would simple things up so much."
Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, and the orange recline-y chair from the Basement of Debasement are hanging out in Xander's new pad. Anya expresses curiosity about what Heaven was like for Buffy, except there's more talk of harps and Birkenstocks that I don't care to transcribe. She pauses due to the fact that Willow is giving her a nasty, truculent glare. Anya looks to Xander for support, and of course doesn't get it, but the newly spined Tara does pipe in that Anya's curiosity is normal. She mentions that Buffy was in a "good place," which prompts Willow to grit, "We took her away from that. We wrecked it for her." Xander admits that they might have been selfish, but explains, "I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend's not dead." Which leads me to the obvious question: is it better to be dead and happy than alive and miserable? Just something to ponder while you're waiting for the bus, or whatever. Tara and Anya agree that they need to stop obsessing, and focus instead on making "things better for Buffy." Weekly dinners or a video club are some of Xander's cute suggestions for helping, but Willow breaks in. She wants to fix Buffy's pain with a spell, which elicits a very emphatic "No! No more spells!" from Tara. Uh oh, tension is mounting. Willow is insistent about the spell, and Tara is equally as insistent that Willow could hurt someone, including herself. When Willow explains that she wants to use a forget-spell, Tara slams down her glass and earns my love for the first time by practically shouting, "God! What is wrong with you?"
At this point, Xander and Anya quickly leave the room. "Do you think I'm stupid?" Tara continues. "I know you used that spell on me." Man, I like this girl. Where's she been the past few years? Willow is shocked at having been caught, and tries to apologize. Tara isn't having it, though; she reams Willow for "violating" her mind and reminds her of the brainsuck she suffered at Glory's hands last season. Stuttering, Willow fumbles around for a good reason; lacking one, she lamely explains she was trying to prevent a fight between them. And once again, Tara rocks completely by saying that Willow doesn't get to make those sort of decisions: "We're in a relationship. We're supposed to decide together!" They continue discussing the fact that Willow uses magic indiscriminately and for selfish reasons; although Willow is apologetic, she doesn't really seem to understand Tara's point. On the verge of tears, Tara eventually says, "I don't think this is going to work." Ouch. It takes a lot of pain and thought for someone as besotted as Tara to get to those words. Desperately, Willow says she needs Tara more than magic, and will go a month without spells. Unsmiling, Tara tells Willow to go just a week without magic; Willow grins and says that will be a piece of cake. "Go a week and then we'll see," finishes Tara. She needs some space, which causes Willow's face to crumple, because she knows that means, "Whatever. Mentally my bags are already packed." "Are you saying you're gonna leave me?" asks Willow and....
...we cut to Giles and Buffy in the training room at the magic shop. "I have to," says Giles, who has obviously told Buffy that he's going back to Britain. Buffy is not very understanding; she begs Giles to stay and insists, "I can't do this without you." Oops, that just gives Giles an opening to explain his reason for leaving. Buffy will always turn to him when she feels inadequate to meet a challenge, and he'll "step in because [he] can't bear to see [her] suffer." I would slam Giles for this reasoning here, but actually I think I should just be grateful they didn't kill him off because I love him so and I honestly can't think of any good reason this loving, stalwart man would leave Buffy, so I'm guessing the writers did the best they could with a difficult situation. Giles earnestly explains, "I've taught you all I can about being the Slayer and your mother taught you what you needed to know about life." Despite the revelation of Buffy having been in Heaven, he still feels he needs to leave her to learn to trust her own competence. Buffy is very, very angry and hurt and ends the conversation by storming out of the shop.
Dawn and Tara are standing at the bottom of the stairs in the Summers home, calling up to Willow. She pops around the corner, wrapped in a towel, and tells Tara and Dawn to head to der Zauber Kasten without her. "Fine," snarls Tara; she and Dawn leave. Willow then gets a sneaky grin and heads back up the stairs. She's only gone for an instant, however, and then she's back fully dressed and hurries down to the living room. So this means that either Willow had cast a spell to look as if she was not ready when she was, or that she cast a spell to get ready very quickly, but either way it just makes me so incredibly pissed at her. She totally promised Tara she wouldn't do magic for a week and she's at it again already, without an ounce of hesitation or ambivalence. Grrr. What a little liar. In this scene, Willow is wearing a bad-girl low-cut black top and tight jeans. I'd like the clothes, except that the blouse has strange, flappy sleeves. I prefer my evil garb to be more streamlined, without any ruffles or ties or flaps; I feel it sends a more clearly defined evil message.
In the living room Willow pulls a bag of Lethe's bramble from behind some books and places a sprig in the fireplace. She casts a spell to wipe Buffy's and Tara's minds of "pains from recent slights and sins." She's wiping Tara's memory again?! What an utter bitch. That conversation with Tara meant nothing to her. She's like an alcoholic confronted about her drinking and her response is, "Oh sure. I will give up drinking. Just as soon as I take this bottle I've got hidden beneath my coat, drink all of its contents, and then beat you about the head with it." She touches a crystal to the fire, which will turn black when the spell is cast. "Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa," she chants, and tucks the crystal into a little pouch in her blouse.
Zauber Kasten. Tara and Anya are thumb-wrestling, Buffy is sulking on the stairs, and Dawn is attempting to engage Giles in a conversation about the monsters of the week. Of which, apparently, there are none. They've been waiting for Willow and Xander, who enter with a bit of dialog explaining that Willow is wearing Xander's coat because it's cold out. Hmm, do you think that will become important later? In the background, upon Willow's entrance, Anya makes a cute little consoling gesture at Tara. Now that the gang has gathered, Giles begins to announce his leaving, but he's interrupted first by angry Buffy, and then by Spike, who enters through the front door. In daytime. Dressed only in a tweed suit and hunter's cap with flaps over the ears. ["But wasn't he all smoky when he entered, like he was smoldering from being out in the sunlight? It's possible I imagined that." -- Wing Chun] Y'all, this is headed on a straight course for Blade territory. By Episode Fifteen of this season, I bet you Spike will have discovered he's all set for a day at the beach provided he's carefully applied a thick coat of sunblock with 35 SPF. He didn't even have his hands covered or in his pockets, for mythology's sake! By all rights we should be now calling him Stumpy. Spike claims that his ghastly suit with the bowtie is a disguise, and asks the group for "asylum" from Sharky. Come to hide under Buffy's wing, I guess, little baby bird Spikey. Blah blibbity blah; Willow checks her pocket and sees the crystal has begun to glow green.
Back at the Summers home, the bramble is still burning in the fireplace; suddenly, it shoots out a lick of flame that ignites the bag of extra bramble Willow left on the hearth. God, how many people was she planning on brain-wiping to have a baggie that full, and why the hell did she leave her stash out in plain view? Damn brambleheads -- they're so flaky and unreliable. Maybe overuse of bramble is where all her paranoia about people talking behind her back is coming from, too. On the hearth, the baggie burns.
Zauber Kasten. Buffy is still sulking, and Giles is still trying to announce his departure. Everybody is distressed to hear that he plans to return to England and stay "indefinitely." Anya says, "For real this time? 'Cause honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper's heart can only take so much," and I wonder if this is where we got the kiss we saw in the promo. Then I realize that Anya's heart is worried about being in charge, and not about missing Giles. Suddenly, Buffy hops up and starts to stomp out of the shop, saying she "can't do this." Before she reaches the door, Willow tries to apologize for the wrenching-out-of-eternal-bliss mix-up, but Buffy has no patience for it. She snaps about how sorry everyone around her is, and how she can't take it anymore. "If you guys understood how it felt. How it feels. It's like I'm dying --" and then she collapses to the ground. No one else in the shop has a chance to react, however, because they, too, all sink into unconsciousness. Xander and Willow fall into a tangle on the floor; Giles and Anya slump against each other; Dawn falls to the floor; Spike collapses on the counter where he's been sitting; Tara slumps over in her chair. At the Summers home, the charred baggie o' bramble smokes on the hearth.
The Rip Van Scoobies have slept the day away. The camera pans over them napping in the dark magic shop. Buffy is the first to wake; she looks completely befuddled and flips on the light. Xander and Willow wake and jump away from each other with startled noises; Xander then recoups and gives Willow a Tribbiani-esque "Heey." "Hey?" replies Willow. Anya yawns, and Giles -- draped across her shoulder -- also awakens and attempts to wipe some drool off her blouse. Hee! Everyone looks pretty disoriented at this point. Then Spike rolls off the counter with a decidedly girly shriek, startling Dawn from her long winter's nap. Dawn cowers in her corner, and we get a sense of what's going on when she asks, "Who are you people?" Tabula rasa, indeed.
Drawn to Dawn (say that five times fast!) for some reason, Buffy approaches her sister and tells her not to worry -- that she, too, doesn't know anyone present. In fact, she doesn't even know her own name. Xander wonders if he's been caught up in some sort of crazy out-of-control Psych test, and Giles assures him that they all seem to be lacking in memories of...well, anything. Giles attempts to suggest they're all having a drunken blackout, but Anya quite rationally points out that there's no evidence of alcohol consumption in their surroundings. After Xander gets quite agitated, Buffy tries to assure him that they're all most likely safe, wherever they are. Tara finally pipes up, saying they're in a "real" magic shop and Buffy is quick to concur, "Maybe something magic happened." With an absolutely charming look of amused disgust, Giles exclaims, "Magic? Tsk! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery." He then amuses himself (and me) by ruminating on the fact that he seems to be a British man with glasses. Not amused, however, is Dawn, who confides her discomfort to Buffy. Smiling sweetly, Buffy strokes Dawn's shiny, shiny hair. Damn, that magical monk hair has the power to transcend any spell!
Another county heard from: Spike starts to make fun of Giles's "nancy-boy accent," and Englishmen in general when he suddenly hears himself speaking and realizes, "Sodding. Blimey. Shagging. Knickers. Bollocks. Oh god, I'm English." To which Giles dryly replies, "Welcome to the nancy tribe." Spike frets that he and Giles might be related, and it's decided -- partly due to what Anya calls a "ruggedly handsome resemblance" and Giles's "feeling of familiarity and disappointment" in Spike -- that they must be father and son. This being the Jossverse, Spike decides, upon very little evidence, that he must hate his father, and then jibes Giles for being with Anya, a much younger woman. Anya discovers her engagement ring, however, and assures Giles that they're engaged. This prompts a melting grin from Giles, and I realize how infrequently I've seen him with an expression like that. Poor Giles -- it's been a hard six years with very few reasons for all-out grins. No wonder he wants to go home.
Willow realizes that they should all be carrying identification and each of them scrambles to find his or her wallet. Strange sort of spell. They don't know who they are or what they've been through, but they do retain details of everyday living. Xander reads off his name as "Alexander Harris," and does a cute little wiggle at finding that he "exists." Willow mocks her first name (Tara shyly says it's pretty) and the two witches posit they might be friends from UC Sunnydale. Still standing together, neither Buffy nor Dawn is carrying any sort of ID. However, Buffy notices that Dawn is wearing a necklace that says "Dawn." I so don't get that whole fad. I mean, wearing a necklace with your own name? It's like you're a dog or something -- you might get lost and people will need to know what to call you. Dawn looks at the necklace upside down and jokes that she could be named "Umad." Giles finds his name, "Rupert Giles." Spike pats the pockets of his suit and comes up empty-handed. He does find a label in the suit, though, that reads, "Made with care for Randy"; he goes into a little rant about having been named "Randy Giles." "Why not just call me 'Horny Giles' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'?" Hee.
Willow then notices that there's also a name on her jacket -- "Harris" -- which leads her and "Alex" to conclude they might be a couple. Anya finally finds her name, "Enya," and also discovers that she and "Rupert" own the shop together. Rupert grins about how "progressive" he is to own a magic shop. All this fun with names has Buffy feeling left out; Dawn offers to name her, but Buffy declines. She thoughtfully says she names herself "Joan." I was wondering what she would say, and never in a million years would I have guessed "Joan." Dawn isn't much impressed, and she and "Joan" bicker about whether Joan is a crappy name. Dawn says it's Joan's "purgative" to give herself a lame name; when Joan corrects her, "'Prerogative,'" they have a giggly realization they must be sisters. They hug and I "awww" because I'm a sucker for the sister stuff. "Randy" grouses that Rupert never showed him affection like that, "I'll wager," and Giles looks annoyed. A little message from Joss scrolls across the bottom of the screen, "If you take one thing away from watching my show, please let it be that dads are bad!" Joan decides that the group needs "help," and Randy snides, "Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss!" After some discussion, they all decide to go to the hospital. Do they even remember where it is? They head for the front door of the shop, as Randy needles Rupert that he mostly likely owns some sort of "mid-life crisis transport." Joan opens the front door and finds two angry vampires who start to move toward them. There's an incredibly amusing shot of the whole gang screaming their fool heads off. Joan slams the door in the vampires' faces and the terrified gang races away from the door.
The gang takes cover -- not in the back of the shop, but almost directly underneath the front windows. I don't think they even locked the door, which just proves that stupid goes straight to the bone. Everyone is incredulous at the realization that vampires do exist. Willow and Alex go to secure any other entrances as the rest of the gang strategizes. One of the vampires raps insistently on the glass, calling, "Send out Spike." The gang misunderstands, thinking that they want spikes; a lightbulb goes off over Randy's head. He quickly goes to grab some "spikes" (actually stakes) that he saw earlier. The gang picks them up and "Umad" quizzically wonders what the vamps plan to do with them. They overhear the vamps calling for the Slayer, but misinterpret it as, "Slay her." Joan is appalled that they're going to use the spikes "to slay someone." "A female someone. Who do those jerks think they are?" huffs Joan. "Bloodsuckers. They kill by sucking blood. Take it easy, Joan," says "Enya." Heh.
Willow and Alex return to tell of a trapdoor in the basement that leads down into the sewers. As they dash to the back room, the vamps decide that now is the time to break through the window. How nice of them to wait outside patiently for their cues. Much screaming. Alex falls to his knees before a vamp, hands clasped, and offers up a mishmash of prayers from the more popular religions, since he's not terribly sure to which he might adhere. In the middle of an "ommmm," one of the vamps knocks him out of the way to grab Randy, whom he shoves up against a bookcase. "You owe us," a henchvamp snarls at Randy. "Fine! Take your damn spikes," he retorts, fumbling to get them out of his jacket pocket. The other henchvamp is busy restraining Joan. "Get your hands off me, you son of a..." She trails off as the vamp covers her mouth. You know vamps -- they're just so darn sensitive to foul language.
Meanwhile, Randy is very confused as to why his attackers keep demanding kittens from him. Joan breaks free, kicks her opponent, cries, "Stay away from Randy!" and launches herself at the henchvamp harassing him. She "spikes" the vamp instinctively. The entire gang is wide-eyed with astonishment. Off-screen, one of the Scoobs asks Joan what she just did. "I don't know," she sputters. A slow smile creeps across her face, "But it was coooool. I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm, like, a superhero or something." Alex faints.
Joan quickly dispatches the gang. She and Randy will distract the vamps while the rest of the group navigates through the sewers to the hospital. Nobody asks how they're supposed to find the hospital at all, much less without a map or their memories, and travelling via a sewer system that is probably lacking street signs. Enya refuses to leave the shop because she's got to "protect the cash register," which just proves that greedy also goes straight to the bone. Joan agrees that Enya and Rupert should stay and see if they can work some helpful mojo. "Ready, Randy?" She turns to go. "Ready, Joan," replies Randy resolutely. A bumbling Rupert stops Randy: "Son. Come here. Uh, please," so that they can share an uncomfortable man-hug.
Randy and Joan run helter-skelter out onto the street, where the vamps have been patiently waiting this whole time. They probably got caught up in a discussion of the latest issue of The New Yorker and simply couldn't make the time to rush into the shop to grab Randy. See? There's a very clear explanation for these things if you just stop to think them through. One of the henchvamps grabs Randy and, without realizing it, Randy vamps out, throwing the henchvamp high into the air and across the street. He turns and gleefully calls to Joan, "Hey! I'm a superhero, too!" As Joan catches sight of his bumpy visage, she runs away, screaming us right into commercial.
Alex and Tara help Umad and Willow down a ladder into the sewers. Tara steadies Willow and they share a touch that goes on a tad too long. The abbreviated gang walk down the fairly well-lit sewers with Umad singing. They're quickly intercepted by a vamp who really can't be blamed for wanting to kill them because getting that damn "Ants Go Marching" song stuck in one's head is reason enough for me. The four forgetful Scoobies scream back to the sewer exit.
In the shop, Enya and Rupert flip through various books in an effort to find something that will cast light on their current situation. Rupert fumbles for a handkerchief to deal with a particularly dusty book, but instead finds a plane ticket showing that he's soon headed to London. This is news to him. Enya, unaware, natters on about how lovely it is that they get to work together. She picks up a book and marches over to him announcing, "This is the book for us," as Rupert hurriedly hides his ticket. Rupert asks whether it deals with mind control. Enya breezes that she's going on intuition with this one since she's a "natural with the supernatural." Rupert brushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear with a wide smile as he reminds her that he, too, is also part owner of the shop. Enya pronounces him "more of a paperwork type." She opens the book to a random page and says some gibberish aloud. A bunny appears. She claps her hand over her mouth to stifle her scream and cowers behind Rupert. All this goes to show you is that you can't trust Anya's perception of the world in this dimension, any alternate universe, or even when she's had her entire perception of the world altered. "Anya is a dolt" is now an immutable law of the universe.
Randy runs after Joan. Catching up to her, he puts his hand on her, all the better for Joan to flip him over her shoulder and onto someone's front lawn. She straddles him, holding him down. "What are you doing?" Randy demands. Joan tells him that he's a vampire. Randy doesn't believe it at first, but Joan tells him to do a bump and teeth check. C'mon, like the lisping wouldn't give it away. I know that's the first thing I always think when I mistakenly lisp a word -- that I've somehow been turned in my sleep. I never carry a mirror or anything (not being one of those girly-girls), so I just grab the nearest bystander and try to drink his or her blood. I usually discover that it's nothing more than the usual mispronunciation, but it's a real icebreaker! Randy gingerly feels his forehead, but decides that since he hasn't tried to bite anyone and is actually fighting other vampires, he must be a "noble vampire." He continues: "A good guy on a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. I'm a vampire with a soul." Right. Fighting back against the bad guys who are trying to kill you automatically makes you a good guy and not, say, someone protecting his own ass. Joan scoffs, "A vampire with a soul? Oh my God, how lame is that?" I sigh and roll my eyes as everything gets just a little too meta for me.
Zauber Kasten. Bunnies cover almost every flat surface. Enya stands on a chair and pooh-poohs Rupert's suggestion that they try a different book. She chants something else, and another bunny appears. Ah. Stubborn and stupid. Who can resist this girl?
Randy waxes poetic about his struggle against adversity and his heroic nature. Joan stands with her arms crossed, vaguely annoyed. They're interrupted by Bruno, Knuckles, Fang, and another vamp I don't have a clichéd nickname for.
Sewers. Tara leads the gang into a recess of the sewer walls and, granted, I don't spend a large amount of time in sewers these days, but shouldn't they be more...sewer-y? With maybe the dampness and some, um, sewage? The vamp runs by, and then Tara leads the gang across the main sewer tunnel, up a ladder, and behind an iron gate with bars that are spaced far enough apart only to keep out rather large mammals like horses and bears. I don't understand the point of those. The gang cowers against the sides of the tunnel as the vamp paces back and forth looking for his prey. Willow is hunkered pretty close to Tara. Both of them are breathing heavy with fear and lust as they share multiple little glances.
Zauber Kasten. Rupert cradles his head in frustration. He looks around the shop and exasperates, "Clearly that is not a helpful book, darling." And in this instance, "darling" means "you imbecile." He orders her to come down so that they can fix the situation logically. The camera pulls back to reveal Enya on top of the table, and green, swirling mist hovering near the ceiling of the shop. Spit. Spat. Fight.
Back to the Randy and Joan show. There is fighting. Much fighting. Sharky paces in the background. Always with the pacing. Sharks gotta swim and one-note, foam-rubber representations of metaphors gotta pace. He'll die otherwise. Joan stakes a vamp with a broken mailbox post.
Zauber Kasten. Rupert mutters something about a "different book" while fencing with a skeleton reminiscent of one from Jason and the Argonauts (a.k.a. Jason and the Golden Fleece), a childhood favorite of both myself and Sep. All hail the great Ray Harryhausen.
Sewers. Willow asks Umad how she's doing, and Umad replies that she's scared, but that it feels oddly familiar. Willow feels "confused" and "kinda gay." Bah. I was with this episode until now but when they start lifting dialogue whole-cloth from other seasons it sets my teeth on edge. References to events of yore are good -- entire lines of dialog repeated word for word are not.
Zauber Kasten. Rupert and Enya cower behind the counter and whisper-fight as something unseen growls at them. Enya trounces Rupert with a book as she feels "compelled to take some vengeance" on him. Rupert hisses, "No wonder I'm leaving you," and reveals his plane ticket. Enya is crestfallen. She smacks at him, and her engagement ring flies off of her finger. Rupert ignores her and thumbs through the book, probably hoping that whatever is on the other side of the counter will eat her soon. I share his hope.
Sewers. Vamp has finally caught the scent of fear, and climbs the ladder up to the gang's hiding spot. They see him coming and crawl through the tunnel, which curves around in a U shape. Alex is in the lead, and the first to encounter the vamp when he emerges into the main tunnel. Punchy punch punch.
Zauber Kasten. Rupert whispers some sort of spell and everything returns to normal with a bright flash of light. Enya goes to retrieve her ring. Rupert apologizes, but Enya cuts him off: "No, Rupie. I'm sorry. That was the wrong book." Anya admitted that she was wrong? Maybe this forget-spell isn't so bad after all. She begs him not to leave her, and he sweeps across the room and dips her into a kiss. Whoa. Mmm hmmm. First question: why hasn't Giles been passionately kissing people for all six years of this show? Second question: how cruel is Mutant Enemy to give us all this Giles-y goodness only now that he's leaving?
Sewers. Tara, Willow, and Umad crawl out from a completely different pipe than the one Alex did, yet end up in exactly the same place. That seems like a continuity flaw to me, but then what do I know about urban architecture? Maybe all sewers are like big M.C. Escher drawings. Anyway, the vamp accosts them even though he was just struggling with Alex a moment ago, and who edited this together? The spell? The one that wipes people's memories? Someone needs to tell editing that the spell was cast on the characters and not the viewers. From off-screen, Alex taunts the vamp to check out his "throbbing jugular." I know quite a few people who would just love to misinterpret that statement. In her fright, Willow pushes Tara down onto the ground, landing on top of her, the black crystal falling out of her pouch. The witchlets stare deeply into each other's eyes. Alex fights with the baddie and is taking it on the chin pretty badly until Umad tosses him a stray piece of wood and he dusts the vamp. Tara brushes Willow's hair out of her eyes and it's very clear that they're going to kiss, but Alex crushes the crystal with his nubbly-soled boot. Everyone's memories are restored in an instant. Willow scrambles off Tara.
Mid-kiss, Giles's and Anya's memories are returned. Giles turns to stone. I could turn that into a single entendre, but I won't.
Working in tandem, Joan kicks and punches a vampire as Randy restrains it for her. "Don't mess with Joan the vam..." she starts to quip but then the full weight of her memories hits her like a ton of really depressing bricks. She stands stock-still, reeling from the contrast, and is dropped by a blow to the head.
When we return from commercial, Buffy lies on the ground and is kicked in the stomach by one of the vamps. She seems despondent and almost unable to fight back.
Sewers. It's very clear to Tara that Willow has been dabbling in the black arts. Willow looks at her but then cuts her eyes away and feels at her pouch. Xander and Dawn glance at the fragments of shattered crystal. Xander emits a nervous high-pitched laugh. He declares that they should get going. Tara, tears welling in her eyes, can only bear to glance quickly at Willow as she passes by her.
Zauber Kasten. Giles and Anya furiously clean the shop, obviously wishing they could purge their memories of recent events.
Buffy lies on the ground a pained look in her eyes as Spike quickly dispatches the remaining enforcers. Sharky babbles on, frightened now that his muscle is gone, and forgives Spike of his debt. Spike grabs him by his lapels and promises that he'll be paid. He's offended that Sharky would think of him as "a welsher." Spike then makes his way over to Buffy and offers her his hand. She gets up under her own power and silently walks past him.
Wistful chick rock swells as we make our way into a musical montage. Buffy sits alone at the Bronze contemplating the state of things in Denmark. (Note: things are rotten.) Poor Buffy. She looks like the effort to keep what little expression she has on her face is almost too much.
Cut to the Summers's home. Tara packs a few clothes into a box. She moves like she's in a coma and keeps glancing towards the door of the bathroom. The camera moves on to Willow sitting forlornly against a bathroom cabinet.
On a plane, Giles sits crammed in economy class. He sighs heavily. ["So would I if I had to sit out a long-ass trans-Atlantic flight in Coach." -- Wing Chun]
In the bathroom, Willow furrows her brow in pain, corners of her mouth turned down as a few errant tears escape, and I know that she brought it on herself but I can't help feeling the tiniest bit sorry for her. I think we've all been in a situation where we've lost something dear to us because we've screwed up so very totally and completely.
Back at the Bronze, Spike sidles up to Buffy. She catches him in her peripheral vision and then turns her head to look him full in the face. He holds her gaze imploringly and allows himself a small glimmer of hope. Buffy turns away from him. He stands there for a second and then turns on his heel to go, obviously deeply wounded by her coldness. Emotionally wounded, though, and not, say, mortally wounded like his countless victims in the hundred-some years he spent in a gleeful killing spree.
Tara walks out the open front door. She sets her box down and turns to Dawn, who is sitting there with bad posture and teenage attitude, arms crossed over her chest. Tara reaches towards Dawn to pull her into a hug, but Dawn flounces by and runs upstairs. Oh! My little heart is breaking for both of them right now.
Quick shots of everyone involved in tonight's theatre of pain.
Back at the Bronze the camera pans around a staircase. My thought process. "Huh. What's going on here? Why do I care about any of these people? Oh! That guy has a really terrible shirt on. The camera's following him around the staircase. Terrible shirt, camera trained on him. It must be Xander. Wuh HUH? Buffy and Spike kissage again? At least the mechanics of this kiss look a lot better than last week's." We fade out on the passionate kissing.
I'm trying to adjust to this Buffy/Spike thing, I really am, but I don't shift paradigms well. week, it looks like Buffy doesn't, either.