Tabula Rasa

WARNING: Contents may have shifted during shipping. Oops, that's the wrong warning. The warning is this: This recap contains opinions. It may contain positive opinions of plot points or characters you dislike. It may contain negative opinions of plot points or characters you like. If you don't like opinions that might be negative, or opinions that you don't agree with, DO NOT READ FURTHER.

Previously on Buffy: Anya and Xander were engaged. Yeesh, like any of us could forget the boredom of that. Buffy to Spike: "You play forkittens?" Kittens: "Mew. Mew. Mew." God, I'm such a sucker for kittens. Kittens are my anti-drug. Buffy foisted responsibility off on Giles, who brooded about it but didn't take any positive action. Tara told Willow she's using too much magic and Willow had a conniption fit. She then wiped the argument from Tara's brain. Buffy was in Heaven; the Scooby gang finally found out; Buffy and Spike did a tongue tango.

Night. Buffy is patrolling in a cemetery, although her long white sweater coat and matching turtleneck seem more suited for a day of shopping. She hears a noise behind her and whips around to find Spike. He wants to talk; Buffy declines and starts to walk away. Spike wants to discuss the fact that he and Buffy kissed, "all Gone With the Wind with the rising music, and the rising...music." Boy, I'm so happy to see that this show has really mastered the single entendre. "And what was that, Buffy?" he wants to know. Buffy rolls her eyes (which seem to get a good work-out around Spike) and suggests she kissed him because of "a spell." Spike's not digging that explanation. He insinuates that Buffy isn't quite as "prim and proper" as she's trying to act. Obviously not the right approach as Buffy launches into a rant about how she'll never, ever, kiss or even touch Spike ever again. I predict a head-tilt is in Spike's arsenal of charm. I am right. Note to James: the head-tilt, like the "Anya fears bunnies" joke, is a good thing that is getting overused. I'd like to see a new shorthand for "Spike charmingly attempts to decipher the mystery that is Buffy." Of course, having just insisted that she'll never touch Spike again, Buffy immediately throws him to the ground and jumps on top of him. The jumping in his prone lap seems to be intended to protect him from the flying stake that necessitated his being pushed down in the first place. Or at least I'm sure that's what Buffy is telling herself.

Spike and Buffy look up and see a short, shark-headed man, flanked by two vampires. Apparently, Spike and the shark-headed man have a acquaintance; Sharky takes a while to get to the point, but it turns out he's looking to collect "the forty Siamese" Spike owes him. So he's a loan shark. With a shark's head. On one level I hate this, and on another I love it. I'm a very conflicted person. It's a completely stupid joke, but there's something amusing, even cute, about Sharky's round, blank eyes. Spike insists he'll pay back the kittens he owes (what's backing the kitten standard, anyway?) and Buffy (say it with me, gang!) rolls her eyes. "Why kittens? Why can't you just use money like everybody else?" she asks. I'm asking the same question, Buffy. My answer? Boo. As in, "What has the Mutant Enemy gang been huffing way too much of?" When I come back from my multiple tangents, Spike is saying he needs some more time to make good on his loan. "Time is what turns kittens into cats!" snaps Sharky, and don't tell Frances (nine years old), but I've always felt a little sulky about that myself. The loan shark sics his henchvamps on Spike, but Buffy shoves him out of the way and knocks down both baddies. Sharky offers Buffy a job (that would be one way to pay the bills!), and while they're chatting, Spike scarpers. Sharky bids adieu, and Buffy looks heavenward, saying, "If I would just stop saving [Spike's] life, it would simple things up so much."

Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, and the orange recline-y chair from the Basement of Debasement are hanging out in Xander's new pad. Anya expresses curiosity about what Heaven was like for Buffy, except there's more talk of harps and Birkenstocks that I don't care to transcribe. She pauses due to the fact that Willow is giving her a nasty, truculent glare. Anya looks to Xander for support, and of course doesn't get it, but the newly spined Tara does pipe in that Anya's curiosity is normal. She mentions that Buffy was in a "good place," which prompts Willow to grit, "We took her away from that. We wrecked it for her." Xander admits that they might have been selfish, but explains, "I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend's not dead." Which leads me to the obvious question: is it better to be dead and happy than alive and miserable? Just something to ponder while you're waiting for the bus, or whatever. Tara and Anya agree that they need to stop obsessing, and focus instead on making "things better for Buffy." Weekly dinners or a video club are some of Xander's cute suggestions for helping, but Willow breaks in. She wants to fix Buffy's pain with a spell, which elicits a very emphatic "No! No more spells!" from Tara. Uh oh, tension is mounting. Willow is insistent about the spell, and Tara is equally as insistent that Willow could hurt someone, including herself. When Willow explains that she wants to use a forget-spell, Tara slams down her glass and earns my love for the first time by practically shouting, "God! What is wrong with you?"

At this point, Xander and Anya quickly leave the room. "Do you think I'm stupid?" Tara continues. "I know you used that spell on me." Man, I like this girl. Where's she been the past few years? Willow is shocked at having been caught, and tries to apologize. Tara isn't having it, though; she reams Willow for "violating" her mind and reminds her of the brainsuck she suffered at Glory's hands last season. Stuttering, Willow fumbles around for a good reason; lacking one, she lamely explains she was trying to prevent a fight between them. And once again, Tara rocks completely by saying that Willow doesn't get to make those sort of decisions: "We're in a relationship. We're supposed to decide together!" They continue discussing the fact that Willow uses magic indiscriminately and for selfish reasons; although Willow is apologetic, she doesn't really seem to understand Tara's point. On the verge of tears, Tara eventually says, "I don't think this is going to work." Ouch. It takes a lot of pain and thought for someone as besotted as Tara to get to those words. Desperately, Willow says she needs Tara more than magic, and will go a month without spells. Unsmiling, Tara tells Willow to go just a week without magic; Willow grins and says that will be a piece of cake. "Go a week and then we'll see," finishes Tara. She needs some space, which causes Willow's face to crumple, because she knows that means, "Whatever. Mentally my bags are already packed." "Are you saying you're gonna leave me?" asks Willow and....

...we cut to Giles and Buffy in the training room at the magic shop. "I have to," says Giles, who has obviously told Buffy that he's going back to Britain. Buffy is not very understanding; she begs Giles to stay and insists, "I can't do this without you." Oops, that just gives Giles an opening to explain his reason for leaving. Buffy will always turn to him when she feels inadequate to meet a challenge, and he'll "step in because [he] can't bear to see [her] suffer." I would slam Giles for this reasoning here, but actually I think I should just be grateful they didn't kill him off because I love him so and I honestly can't think of any good reason this loving, stalwart man would leave Buffy, so I'm guessing the writers did the best they could with a difficult situation. Giles earnestly explains, "I've taught you all I can about being the Slayer and your mother taught you what you needed to know about life." Despite the revelation of Buffy having been in Heaven, he still feels he needs to leave her to learn to trust her own competence. Buffy is very, very angry and hurt and ends the conversation by storming out of the shop.

Dawn and Tara are standing at the bottom of the stairs in the Summers home, calling up to Willow. She pops around the corner, wrapped in a towel, and tells Tara and Dawn to head to der Zauber Kasten without her. "Fine," snarls Tara; she and Dawn leave. Willow then gets a sneaky grin and heads back up the stairs. She's only gone for an instant, however, and then she's back fully dressed and hurries down to the living room. So this means that either Willow had cast a spell to look as if she was not ready when she was, or that she cast a spell to get ready very quickly, but either way it just makes me so incredibly pissed at her. She totally promised Tara she wouldn't do magic for a week and she's at it again already, without an ounce of hesitation or ambivalence. Grrr. What a little liar. In this scene, Willow is wearing a bad-girl low-cut black top and tight jeans. I'd like the clothes, except that the blouse has strange, flappy sleeves. I prefer my evil garb to be more streamlined, without any ruffles or ties or flaps; I feel it sends a more clearly defined evil message.

In the living room Willow pulls a bag of Lethe's bramble from behind some books and places a sprig in the fireplace. She casts a spell to wipe Buffy's and Tara's minds of "pains from recent slights and sins." She's wiping Tara's memory again?! What an utter bitch. That conversation with Tara meant nothing to her. She's like an alcoholic confronted about her drinking and her response is, "Oh sure. I will give up drinking. Just as soon as I take this bottle I've got hidden beneath my coat, drink all of its contents, and then beat you about the head with it." She touches a crystal to the fire, which will turn black when the spell is cast. "Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa," she chants, and tucks the crystal into a little pouch in her blouse.

Zauber Kasten. Tara and Anya are thumb-wrestling, Buffy is sulking on the stairs, and Dawn is attempting to engage Giles in a conversation about the monsters of the week. Of which, apparently, there are none. They've been waiting for Willow and Xander, who enter with a bit of dialog explaining that Willow is wearing Xander's coat because it's cold out. Hmm, do you think that will become important later? In the background, upon Willow's entrance, Anya makes a cute little consoling gesture at Tara. Now that the gang has gathered, Giles begins to announce his leaving, but he's interrupted first by angry Buffy, and then by Spike, who enters through the front door. In daytime. Dressed only in a tweed suit and hunter's cap with flaps over the ears. ["But wasn't he all smoky when he entered, like he was smoldering from being out in the sunlight? It's possible I imagined that." -- Wing Chun] Y'all, this is headed on a straight course for Blade territory. By Episode Fifteen of this season, I bet you Spike will have discovered he's all set for a day at the beach provided he's carefully applied a thick coat of sunblock with 35 SPF. He didn't even have his hands covered or in his pockets, for mythology's sake! By all rights we should be now calling him Stumpy. Spike claims that his ghastly suit with the bowtie is a disguise, and asks the group for "asylum" from Sharky. Come to hide under Buffy's wing, I guess, little baby bird Spikey. Blah blibbity blah; Willow checks her pocket and sees the crystal has begun to glow green.

Back at the Summers home, the bramble is still burning in the fireplace; suddenly, it shoots out a lick of flame that ignites the bag of extra bramble Willow left on the hearth. God, how many people was she planning on brain-wiping to have a baggie that full, and why the hell did she leave her stash out in plain view? Damn brambleheads -- they're so flaky and unreliable. Maybe overuse of bramble is where all her paranoia about people talking behind her back is coming from, too. On the hearth, the baggie burns.

Zauber Kasten. Buffy is still sulking, and Giles is still trying to announce his departure. Everybody is distressed to hear that he plans to return to England and stay "indefinitely." Anya says, "For real this time? 'Cause honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper's heart can only take so much," and I wonder if this is where we got the kiss we saw in the promo. Then I realize that Anya's heart is worried about being in charge, and not about missing Giles. Suddenly, Buffy hops up and starts to stomp out of the shop, saying she "can't do this." Before she reaches the door, Willow tries to apologize for the wrenching-out-of-eternal-bliss mix-up, but Buffy has no patience for it. She snaps about how sorry everyone around her is, and how she can't take it anymore. "If you guys understood how it felt. How it feels. It's like I'm dying --" and then she collapses to the ground. No one else in the shop has a chance to react, however, because they, too, all sink into unconsciousness. Xander and Willow fall into a tangle on the floor; Giles and Anya slump against each other; Dawn falls to the floor; Spike collapses on the counter where he's been sitting; Tara slumps over in her chair. At the Summers home, the charred baggie o' bramble smokes on the hearth.

The Rip Van Scoobies have slept the day away. The camera pans over them napping in the dark magic shop. Buffy is the first to wake; she looks completely befuddled and flips on the light. Xander and Willow wake and jump away from each other with startled noises; Xander then recoups and gives Willow a Tribbiani-esque "Heey." "Hey?" replies Willow. Anya yawns, and Giles -- draped across her shoulder -- also awakens and attempts to wipe some drool off her blouse. Hee! Everyone looks pretty disoriented at this point. Then Spike rolls off the counter with a decidedly girly shriek, startling Dawn from her long winter's nap. Dawn cowers in her corner, and we get a sense of what's going on when she asks, "Who are you people?" Tabula rasa, indeed.

Drawn to Dawn (say that five times fast!) for some reason, Buffy approaches her sister and tells her not to worry -- that she, too, doesn't know anyone present. In fact, she doesn't even know her own name. Xander wonders if he's been caught up in some sort of crazy out-of-control Psych test, and Giles assures him that they all seem to be lacking in memories of...well, anything. Giles attempts to suggest they're all having a drunken blackout, but Anya quite rationally points out that there's no evidence of alcohol consumption in their surroundings. After Xander gets quite agitated, Buffy tries to assure him that they're all most likely safe, wherever they are. Tara finally pipes up, saying they're in a "real" magic shop and Buffy is quick to concur, "Maybe something magic happened." With an absolutely charming look of amused disgust, Giles exclaims, "Magic? Tsk! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery." He then amuses himself (and me) by ruminating on the fact that he seems to be a British man with glasses. Not amused, however, is Dawn, who confides her discomfort to Buffy. Smiling sweetly, Buffy strokes Dawn's shiny, shiny hair. Damn, that magical monk hair has the power to transcend any spell!

Another county heard from: Spike starts to make fun of Giles's "nancy-boy accent," and Englishmen in general when he suddenly hears himself speaking and realizes, "Sodding. Blimey. Shagging. Knickers. Bollocks. Oh god, I'm English." To which Giles dryly replies, "Welcome to the nancy tribe." Spike frets that he and Giles might be related, and it's decided -- partly due to what Anya calls a "ruggedly handsome resemblance" and Giles's "feeling of familiarity and disappointment" in Spike -- that they must be father and son. This being the Jossverse, Spike decides, upon very little evidence, that he must hate his father, and then jibes Giles for being with Anya, a much younger woman. Anya discovers her engagement ring, however, and assures Giles that they're engaged. This prompts a melting grin from Giles, and I realize how infrequently I've seen him with an expression like that. Poor Giles -- it's been a hard six years with very few reasons for all-out grins. No wonder he wants to go home.

Willow realizes that they should all be carrying identification and each of them scrambles to find his or her wallet. Strange sort of spell. They don't know who they are or what they've been through, but they do retain details of everyday living. Xander reads off his name as "Alexander Harris," and does a cute little wiggle at finding that he "exists." Willow mocks her first name (Tara shyly says it's pretty) and the two witches posit they might be friends from UC Sunnydale. Still standing together, neither Buffy nor Dawn is carrying any sort of ID. However, Buffy notices that Dawn is wearing a necklace that says "Dawn." I so don't get that whole fad. I mean, wearing a necklace with your own name? It's like you're a dog or something -- you might get lost and people will need to know what to call you. Dawn looks at the necklace upside down and jokes that she could be named "Umad." Giles finds his name, "Rupert Giles." Spike pats the pockets of his suit and comes up empty-handed. He does find a label in the suit, though, that reads, "Made with care for Randy"; he goes into a little rant about having been named "Randy Giles." "Why not just call me 'Horny Giles' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'?" Hee.