Previously, Spike had the hots for the Slayer and appeared to be threatened by a large and lumpy potato. Dawn finds out her nature, and Glory and Ben are a wee bit closer than most siblings who don't share the last name of Dollanganger.
Bronze. Grand re-opening. Look! It's the Bronze! With a band playing. Way to try and relive that glory-day vibe through nostalgic sets, eh? Too bad it's not at all like the Bronze of yore, what with the incredibly bright lighting. Down on the dance floor, Tara and Willow are dancing and (gasp!) are actually touching. Xander and Anya are also dancing, but really, the less said about THAT particular state of affairs the better. I get a giggle out of the fact that all of the extras in the Bronze are at least thirty-five. Probably to keep the gang looking younger by comparison. A few more seasons and they're going to be tripping over the extras' canes. Pan across the floor to a couch, where Buffy is sitting all sad and lonely in her leather pants. I brace myself for MopeyBuffy, but fortunately Spike comes on the scene and sits down to her and OH MY GOD. Spike! What the hell has happened? The chinos? The blue button-down shirt? Somebody help him! He's fallen into the Gap and can't get up. Which isn't to say he doesn't look hot, but it's just wrong. So Spike starts bitching about how they've upped the prices to pay for the renovations, and I guess for the first time since forever they've actually had enough cash to pay their electricity bill. Anyway. Buffy cuts him off at the knees verbally, asking him what the heck he's doing here. Spike thought Buffy could use some company, but is quickly disabused of that notion by Buffy's blank look. Spike tries to guilt Buffy, reminding her that he's really been helping a lot lately, but he's interrupted by Xander, who tells him to shove off with a "Hey Evil Dead, you're in my seat." Evil Dead eh? I'm just going to take that as a shout-out to me and my Evil Dead t-shirt that I ordered out of the Fangoria (shut up) catalog twelve years ago and have been wearing consistently ever since. David Fury must have seen me in it or something.
Spike stalks off, and Anya observes that Xander hurt Spike's feelings. Xander pretty much channels me when he says, "You should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer." He reconsiders for a moment before adding, "You know, that's actually some pretty good advice." Xander, I mean Payday Man, offers to buy drinks for the gang. Willow requests water, but Xander scoffs, as that "poses no challenge for Payday Man," before noticing that Spike has snaked his change, and he goes off to track him down and -- CRAP. I just knocked the remote over and now I have to bend all the way down to the floor to pick it up. Why, WHY must I be taunted by objects that are not within arm's reach? Damn the inferior genetic material that gave me such stubby arms. Ahem. Sorry. That's my issue. Buffy notices Willow fumbling with a generic non-product-placed bottle of pain-relief tablets and asks after her frequent headaches. Tara chimes in with a "Honey, in case you didn't hear me the first six thousand times, no more teleportation spells." Yeah, I bet she says that to all the girls. Wait. What the hell does that even mean? I'm not making any sense here. I'm still off my game from over-exerting myself earlier, obviously. When I got up this morning, I promised myself that I could have a bit of tea and a lie down just as soon as I sat upright for a couple of hours and pressed a whole bunch of buttons with my fingers. I wasn't really planning on having to move today and I think I pulled something. Anyway. Buffy notices Ben sitting somewhere else and goes over to talk to him. Oh GREAT. You know how, whenever there's an outbreak of some sort of nasty infectious disease, during the news reports they often retrace the path of the virus on a map? Well, that's what my mind is doing with Ben right about now. First I only had to live in fear during the hospital scenes. But then he leached into the hospital parking lot. And now that he's just showing up at the Bronze all willy-nilly, he could just ooze on down the road anywhere his little slime trail will take him. Curses. Greasy Intern Ben is spreading. I wonder what his vector of infection is? Anyway. They talk. I ignore them. All is well.
Back to Xander and Spike. Xander: "The point is I work hard for that money…you stole it." "And you're making it into very hard work," snarks Spike. Ah, someone with a work ethic I can recognize, if not respect. So the whole point of this is that Spike notices that Buffy and Ben are talking and gets all worried.
A train pulls into the Sunnydale station, where the last working porter in America awaits. As the train comes to a stop, the porter seems surprised that nobody is disembarking. I wouldn't be. It's Sunnydale, for God's sack. Now if it were the train departing Sunnydale, that would make a lot more sense. So the porter goes inside to investigate. Uh oh. It looks like someone couldn't wait until they got to the dining car. Of course, to a vamp (oh, did I spoil that for you? It's been so long since we've had a real vamp on this show), I guess the whole damn train is a dining car. The porter catches sight of something, turns around, and runs screaming for the exit. He almost makes it, too. And thus endeth the last working porter in America.
Buffy returns home to find Dawn, Joyce, and Giles in the living room. Oh dear god, what is she wearing? Gold lamé three-quarter-length coat? Okay, look, hon. You are an attractive girl. Some people might term you "hot beyond belief." But please believe me here when I say that nobody, and I mean no one, is hot enough to pull off the C3PO look. Anyway. Giles delivers one of his three lines, and Buffy follows him to the foyer. She mentions that everyone has been going easy on Dawn lately, but Giles tells her that they should just treat her as they always have. Thus satisfied, Buffy turns around and screams, "Dawn! What did I tell you about borrowing my clothing?" Dawn protests that she hasn't touched anything of Buffy's. For some reason, she doesn't point out that not even refugees from war-torn countries would willingly appropriate anything from Buffy's closet. Buffy demands to know what has become of her cashmere sweater, then, and we cut to…
Spike, the laundry stalker. He's fondling Buffy's missing sweater when he's interrupted by Harmony in a skimpy negligee. Spike tries to rebuff her advances, but Harmony is very persistent. At her mention of "playing a game," a light bulb goes on over Spike's head.
"Oh I'm gonna stake you," threatens Harmony as she jumps into the frame, wearing Buffy's sweater and looking remarkably like the Buffy of the comic books. She skulks around the crypt doing a piss-poor Buffy imitation until a shirtless Spike tackles her to the ground.
Fade up on UC Sunnydale. Willow, Tara, and Buffy are having an utterly contrived discussion about The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Tara's outfit. I can't take it. They're breaking me. They're finally breaking me. I've lived through the maxi-skirts, the tops held together by dental floss, the copious amounts of shirred fabric, even the floor-length sweatshirt coat. But then they give me this top and I'm almost reduced to tears. Don't think I'm a wimp or nuthin'. I've been to Ross before. I've seen what gets sent to the retail outlet of misfit clothing and laughed in its face. But I just can't bring myself to even describe Tara's shirt. So anyway. The only reason they're discussing the book is to make a very obvious parallel between Spike and Buffy. Tara goes on to sum it up in terms that even the feeble-minded are sure to understand when she says, "You can tell it's not going to have a happy ending when the main guy's all bumpy." As they walk through the lounge, Buffy is distracted by the headline on a newspaper about the people murdered on the train and quickly deduces that it was a vamp attack.
Spike's crypt. Spike climbs up a ladder from somewhere below to find Dawn waiting for him. He tries to shoo her away because he has "bad evil things to do. That are not for a child's eyes." In a hard voice Dawn reminds him that she's not a human. Spike philosophizes, "Well I was. I got over it. It doesn't seem to me it matters very much how you start out." Y'all get what they're saying there, right? I don't need to break it down for you? Oh good, because if I get hit over the head with that line one more time on rewind, I'm going to start rivaling Giles, the current record-holder for "most likely to lose consciousness during any given episode." Dawn butters Spike up saying that she likes the way he talks to her, but then causes Spike to choke on his smoke when she claims that she "feels safe with [him]." She quickly amends that to "you have that whole superpower thing," and then distracts him by mentioning how even Buffy thinks that he's tough. Spike, all not at all casual, asks Dawn to tell him what else Buffy says about him.
At the Summers home, Buffy comes home to find Joyce worried because Dawn isn't home from school yet. Buffy is on the case and leaves again immediately to search for Dawn.
Back at the crypt, Spike is telling a transfixed and fascinated Dawn a lovely little story about how he massacred a helpless family. Y'know, just to remind everyone how Spike has done some Very Bad Things. Just in case we're getting complacent and starting to believe that he's good just because he's chipped. Right when he's getting to the part where he hears a little girl in the coal bin and is about to rip her throat out, Buffy storms in, ostensibly to ask for Spike's assistance in looking for Dawn, but really it's just to force a confrontation and move the plot along. She stops short when she sees her missing sister, and Dawn insists that Buffy let Spike tell the "really cool part" of the story before Buffy gets with the lecture. Ugh. I'm somewhat disturbed by that, but then I used to be heavily into the "true crime" genre at that age too. Although I don't know that I would've willingly sat down with Charles Manson and described his stories of brutal slayings as "really cool." With a steely tone, Buffy agrees: "Let's hear the story that Spike is telling my little sister." Spike, realizing that Buffy probably wouldn't approve of the truth, says, "Right. So. I knew the girl was in the coal bin. I rip it open, very violent, haul her out of there and then, I give her to a good family, in a nice home where they're never, ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin." Dawn pronounces the ending lame, and Spike tries to get in good with Buffy, but she doesn't respond except to tell Dawn to gather her things together.
Walking back home through the cemetery, Buffy lectures Dawn about making stupid decisions. Buffy warns her that hanging out with Spike is "dangerous and icky." Twirling a lock of hair around her finger, Dawn, in her role this episode as voice of the Buffy fan, says, "I don't think Spike's icky." Apparently because he's "got cool hair and wears cool leather coats and stuff." Buffy stops and proclaims that Dawn has a crush on Spike. Buffy reminds her that Spike is a murderer as well as being "dead and evil and a vampire." Dawn plays the Angel card in retaliation, but Buffy protests that Angel was "different," although if she really wanted to make a case, she could've pointed out how Buffy and Angel aren't exactly together now anyway. Dawn equates the having of a soul with the having of a chip, and please please please don't get me started on how incorrect that is. Anyway, the upshot is that Dawn spills the beans about Spike having a crush on Buffy, and Buffy gives Dawn the blankest blank look in Blankonia.
At the train station, Buffy and Xander tear down the police tape and enter the car that we last saw full of vamp leftovers. As they make their way inside, we see that there are all sorts of masking-tape outlines of the victims on the various seats, which really cracks me up but probably shouldn't. Buffy obviously has something on her mind, and after a few false starts she finally reveals to Xander that Spike is in love with her. Upon hearing this news, Xander laughs hysterically. Buffy, upset by Xander's lack of compassion, sinks into a seat, emulating the victim's pose within the tape outline and pouting, "It's creepy." Hee. I got a kick outta that. Xander assures her that she shouldn't get upset over "one of Spike's fevered daydreams." Xander asks how Dawn knew about this, and Buffy tells him that she's been spending time with Spike because she (Dawn) has a crush on him. Xander is visibly upset at this news because, as you remember, he takes a little too much pride in Dawn's crush on him. Buffy doesn't notice this and insists that they go because "there's nothing here." Nothing except a Miss Edith-like doll all tucked into the overhead bin. At this point I wonder to myself if maybe the K-9 units on the Sunnydale force perhaps also double as seeing-eye dogs, but then I remember that the police in Sunnydale are "deeply stupid."
Back at home, Buffy enters the kitchen to hear Joyce telling an amusing little anecdote to Dawn and Spike. She's irritated by Spike's presence, but follows him into the hallway when he says that he needs to give her a hot tip about the train attack. Buffy suggests that he "hit on Giles. Hit. Up. Giles," as she's all outta green. Spike gives her the information anyway, and they go to check it out.
Cut to Buffy sitting in the front seat of Spike's DeSoto. She gives him some sidelong troubled looks, and when he reaches across her, she gets all squealy. Ignoring her, he pulls a flask out of the glove box and takes a long swallow, afterwards offering it in Buffy's direction. "Ew," she replies. "It's not blood, it's bourbon," clarifies Spike. "Eeee-uw," enunciates Buffy in reply. As they wait, Spike starts drumming on the steering wheel and singing a Ramones tune. He turns to ask Buffy if she likes them, and I can just about guarantee that she doesn't, but we're spared her reply by the sight of two vamps entering the building they're staking out. Buffy and Spike go to check it out and enter to find two trashy-looking vamps, one popping Jiffy Pop (HA!) and the other going through a stack of CDs. The vamps stand in surprise as they recognize the Slayer and take off pronto. Buffy notes that the vamps in question have nested, and therefore couldn't have been involved in the murders. She is upset with Spike for wasting her time and stalks angrily towards the door. Spike hurries to get to it first so that he may open it for her. This is the last straw for Buffy, and she demands to know what's going on. "Is this a date?" she testily snits. "A DATE?" echoes Spike with outrage and then softly, hopefully, "Do you want it to be?" Buffy's face falls, and she walks off with an "oh my god." Spike claims that "it's not so unusual. Two people. In the workplace. Feelings develop." Buffy clarifies that those feelings are "loathing. Disgust." Which in Spike's twisted mind he equates with "heat. Desire." Buffy reminds Spike that he's a vampire; it's out of the question. Spike brings up Angel, and Buffy must really be sick of hearing that by now. She tersely reminds him that "Angel was good." Spike insists that he "can be too," and that he's changed. Buffy points out that a chip forcing one to curtail one's murderous actions isn't exactly equivalent to having a moral nature. Spike counters with, "Something's happening to me. I can't stop thinking about you. And if that means turning my back on the whole evil thing…" Buffy cuts him off, but I'm going to interrupt here because Spike wanting to "do good" to impress Buffy really isn't any different than anything any other guy would do to try and get into her pants. It's merely more obvious, and she's right to dismiss it. Spike tries to profess his love. Buffy won't let him and takes off, but not before making it clear that he has no shot with her whatsoever.
Spike has returned to his crypt to lick his wounds. He puts his head in his hands and sniffs away some tears but realizes that he's not alone. "Who's there?" he asks. "A happy memory," replies Dru, stepping out from the shadows.
Back from commercial, we've been mercifully spared from the "previously on Angel" that Drusilla has just given Spike. She tells him she and Darla are enjoying trying to turn Angel evil, "although [she] didn't care for Angelus setting [them] on fire." Well, who would, really? Spike posits that Dru's feeling nostalgic, and she confirms that she wants to re-group their vampire family. However, Spike rejects her invitation to accompany her to Los Angeles, saying he's done the whole L.A. scene and that he has a nice set-up in "Sunny D." Sunny D? Ech, that reminds me of those lame Sunny Delight ads, with their labored attempts at being "hip." I actually dated one of those guys from those commercials. He was cast as one of the roving rollerbladers sentenced to roam the desert for all time in search of cool, refreshing, fruit-based beverages. We eventually broke up because I couldn't refrain from saying, "Dude! I need a recharge!" at very inopportune times. So Spike tries to bluff that he's still eating humans, but Dru calls him on it, grabbing her temples and snapping, "Tin soldiers put funny little knick-knacks in your brain. Can't hunt. Can't hurt. Can't kill." She approaches him in sympathy, but Spike's embarrassed and angry and gives a little rant about his chipped condition. Not at all affected by this, Dru circles him slowly, telling him she doesn't believe in science. She puts his hand on her breast and tells him he's a killer, "born to slash and bash." Spike seems entranced, and Dru begins to pant heavily. Pausing, Spike pulls his hand from her chest and attempts to describe to her the awful pain inflicted on him by the chip. Caressing his head, Dru tells him she can see the chip and that "electricity lies, Spike. It tells you you're not a bad dog, but you are." Sigh -- Spike can be my bad dog anytime. The reunited lovers growl at each other but are suddenly interrupted by the strident tones of Miss Kendall. She demands to know who Dru is and then assumes that Spike, encouraged by their role-playing earlier, has enticed another vampire into dressing up as Drusilla. Irritated, she tells him, "No threesomes, unless it's boy, boy, girl. Or Charlize Theron." Huh -- Charlize doesn't seem like Harmony's type, but then, what do I know? Urgently, Spike tells Harmony that the vamp in question is Drusilla. Not dissuaded, Harmony bitches Dru out for coming back to Spike after "breaking [her] sweet boo-boo's heart." Drusilla shoots Spike an appraising look and mouths, "Boo-boo?" Hee! Harm continues to bitch, Dru gives her an elegant "talk to the hand" gesture, and then Spike, choosing, grabs Harm by the neck and throws her up against a crypt wall. "Why? Because she's back?" demands Harmony. "No," returns Spike, staring at Dru. "Because I am." Spike, you really are love's bitch. Spike and Dru mack.
Little pow-wow at the Summers home. Buffy has told her mother and Willow the news of Spike's feelings for her. Willow, wearing a baby-cack brown sweater and tightly-tied pink velvet scarf, asks if Spike actually said he loved Buffy. Buffy replies that she stopped him before he got the words out. Joyce then wants to know if Buffy led Spike on, which leads me to believe that they removed more of Joyce's brain than just the tumor. If anyone leads Spike on, it's Joyce, with all her little marshmallows and talk of amphorae. Instead of giving her mom an eye-roll, Buffy just says that she hits Spike a lot, and "for Spike that's like third base." Willow and Joyce fret that Spike could become dangerous, most likely thinking of that whole Angelus mess, but Buffy assures them that the chip keeps Spike safe. She hopes the whole crush will "blow over." Willow and Joyce still aren't convinced, and Willow asks Buffy if she made her lack of feelings clear to Spike. Buffy isn't quite sure that she was as clear as she could have been, but doesn't want to talk to him again. "If he thinks there's even a little chance with you, there's no telling what he'll do," opines Willow.
NewBronze. I don't like this Bronze, I have decided. It's the Crystal Pepsi of Bronzes. All light and refreshing. Bah. A band plays, and a large crowd is dancing. Spike and Dru enter. Thanks, Powers That Be! Spike's back in his black clothes and leather duster. Languorously, without words, he and Dru take to the dance floor. Dru spots a couple making out on the mezzanine and twirls in Spike's arms. She points the couple out to him.
Back at Buffy's house, her mom fetches her coat and tells her she made the right decision, and that she needs to nip Spike's crush in the bud. ["I'd like to nip Spike's -- oh sorry, did I say that out loud?" -- Ace] Willow offers to accompany her and "back [her] up with some scowling," but Buffy declines. She wants to talk to Spike alone, and thinks perhaps he's already "gone back to wanting [her] dead." "Here's hoping!" chippers Willow, crossing her fingers. As she leaves, Buffy tells Willow, "There is one thing you can do for me while I'm gone."
At the NewBronze, the couple with large kill-me signs hanging around their necks are still swappin' spit. Spike and Dru stalk towards them in deadly slo-mo. Catching the couple unaware, Drusilla grabs the girl, snaps her neck, and tosses her to Spike. Dru then breaks the young man's neck and begins to feed. I can't get too choked up about it. They had it coming to them, what with the massive PDA. Spike stares at Dru with an almost anguished look on his face. He blinks as if on the verge of tears and then concentrates on switching to his vampire face. Spike and Drusilla feed.
The door to Spike's crypt opens and Buffy steps in, nervously calling, "Spike? Are you here?" No Spike, though; the place is empty and dark. For some nosey reason, Buffy then goes over to the slab covering the entrance to the sewers and slides it aside. She climbs down a wooden staircase into a cave-like space, scattered with bones and lit by a conveniently burning torch. Buffy takes the torch and looks around, walking further into the space, where she finds a tarp draped against the wall. Nosey Nellie pulls the tarp down and finds -- the Buffyquin! Oh man, I've been waiting for this scene for episodes. Suppose she'll find her skivvies and sweater here too? Well, poop. Buffy doesn't find her missing laundry, but she does find a whole shrine to her Slayer self, decorated with drawings, stakes, and photographs. There's a photo of Buffy sitting in a lecture, and what appears to be a graduation portrait. For a minute I thought that one of the drawings featured Buffy touching her tongue to her nose, but closer inspection reveals that it was just a trick of my crappy cable reception. Since we've never seen that Spike has any artistic talent (poetry included), it makes me wonder if the drawings are left over from the Angelus days. As tinkly music plays, the Buffster is appalled by her discovery.
Moments later, she climbs back up into Spike's crypt and finds Spike waiting for her, with blood from his feed still on his lips. "See anything interesting?" menaces Spike, and advances on the flustered Slayer. Buffy backs away and asks what happened; from the shadows, Dru responds, "Me," and zaps Buffy with a cattle prod. Spike cuddles Dru and, wearing his Captain Obvious cap, tells Buffy that Dru has come back to him. At this Dru gloats; telling Buffy she knows what Spike really wants to eat, Dru zaps her again with the cattle prod. This is every girl's worst nightmare, isn't it? That the creepy guy you don't want to date will sic his crazy, second-sighted vampire ex-girlfriend on you once you reject him? Well, okay, maybe not every girl's nightmare, but we can all sympathize, I'm sure. Dru turns to Spike, suggesting they tie Buffy up and play with her. "I'm through playing," grumps Spike. "Ooh, I like it when you're all dour and straight-to-business like," coos Dru. But hey, she's in for a surprise, because Spike takes the cattle prod and zaps her too. Still think electricity lies, Dru honey?
Buffy slowly comes to and finds herself standing with her arms chained to the walls of the cave underneath Spike's crypt. Spike stands in front of her. When Buffy asks, "Dru? Drusilla?" Spike waggles his eyebrows and steps aside, revealing that Dru is bound to a post nearby. Dru chides Spike for changing the rules of the game, but he tells her, "Sorry, pet. My house, my rules." Stepping back in front of Buffy, Spike tells her he's going to "prove something." "I love you," he continues, but Buffy crinkles her nose in disgust and turns her head. He grabs her face, demanding that she looks at him, and repeats, "I love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut, my throat. I'm drowning in you Summers, I'm drowning in you." As he delivers this impassioned speech, Dru begins to giggle behind him. Spike tells Dru he can do "without the laugh track," but she just natters on that she knew he loved the Slayer long before he knew it himself. Talking over Dru, Spike once again insists to Buffy that there's something between them -- he knows Buffy feels something for him. She tells him what she feels is revulsion, and that Spike can't love, as he has no soul. "Oh we can, you know," breaks in Dru. "We can love quite well; if not wisely." If Juliet Landau is going to continue appearing on Buffy and Angel, could someone please get her a vocal coach? Her British accent is TERRIBLE. Spike tells Buffy he's going to prove he loves her; he grabs a stake from his Buffy shrine and holds it to Dru's chest. Dru giggles, and Buffy really doesn't care about Spike's big gesture. Attitude, attitude. Spike tells Buffy that Dru is "the face of [his] salvation" and that she "never stopped taking [him] to new depths." Spike, honey, nine out ten relationship experts agree that blathering on about your fabulous, murderous, "black beauty" ex-girlfriend whilst caressing her face is not a clever way to win a new girl's heart. And the tenth relationship expert was a Gak demon so I wouldn't take his word for anything.
Buffy is still not impressed, so Spike (who still hasn't staked Dru ["Stake her, Spike, stake her!" -- Ace]) ups the ante by telling Buffy that if she doesn't admit she has some "tiny feeling" for him, he'll let Dru go free to kill Buffy. Dru avidly agrees, "I like that game much more." Spike practically begs for a "crumb" from Buffy. Good move, Spike, because there's nothing a lady loves more than a desperate, pathetic, begging guy. Unless it's a desperate, pathetic, begging guy who lets his ex taser her and then chains her to the wall. "Spike," says Buffy quietly so that Spike comes in close to her. "The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious," she continues. Ouch! Spike screams in frustration and rants, "What the bloody hell is wrong with you bloody women?!!" Buffy is still unimpressed, and sasses Spike. He then blames the whole thing on Dru for leaving him for the chaos demon and turns on Buffy, admitting that he knows his feelings for her are wrong. He says she's destroying him, just leaving essence d'Buffy in his dead shell.
As he rants that he should just kill both his pesky wimmin, he's suddenly cut short by a cross-bow bolt to the back. He falls to the ground, revealing that Harmony has decided to join this fun little party. Harmony is hurt that he's forgotten about his "actual girlfriend" and gives him a good whack with the crossbow, earning approval from Drusilla. Loading another bolt into her crossbow, Harmony utters an "I give and I give and I give and this is the thanks I get?" speech, but is interrupted by Spike attacking her. They fight, and I guess somebody flipped the "struggle" switch in Buffy's side, because she and Drusilla frantically work on loosening their restraints. Dru gets free first and attacks Buffy, who uses the chains on her arms as leverage for a series of flips. Harmony and Spike fight until Spike manages to knock her down. He then goes to the aid of Buffy, who's taking quite a beating from Drusilla, and unlocks her handcuffs. "Poor Spike -- so lost. Even I can't help you now," mourns Drusilla, and runs off in a sulky manner. Spike and Buffy just watch her go, because I guess this episode Buffy forgot she's supposed to have a calling as a Vampire SLAYER. It seems as though her business cards now read "Vampire Socializer" or something. "And you can say goodbye to this," says Harm, pointing at her ass, and leaves. Again, Buffy seems to have no compulsion to slay or even fight the departing Harmony. I must say I'm very disappointed that we had Spike, Harmony, Drusilla, and Buffy all in a room together and no one died. Any second now I'm expecting a news release informing us that our old MBTV buddy Plot Contrivance has permanently joined the Buffy writing staff. Left alone, Spike and Buffy stare at each other for a moment, and then Buffy decks Spike so hard he flies into his Buffy shrine. As she storms out, tossing her hair, he sits up in the wreckage of the shrine to watch her go.
Buffy walks up the sidewalk to her house. Suddenly Spike appears behind her, saying they need to talk and that having a little fight didn't change anything between them. Persistent bugger. I'm starting to believe that maybe Spike is only as fluent in English as any given member of the ZeroWing translation team. I mean, if Buffy is consistently telling him that there's no chance in hell, and he's still all, "All your base are belong to us!" Buffy rants that she wants him to leave Sunnydale, and that he'd better not come near her, her family, or her friends, ever. She storms up onto the porch and Spike follows, still claiming they "have something" and that she can't "just shut [him] out." She opens the door and enters the house; Spike attempts to follow but is stopped by an invisible force. Willow has apparently reversed his longstanding invite into the Summers home. For once, Spike is at a loss for words; he stares imploringly at Buffy as she slams the door in his face.