I Was Made To Love You

When we recappers submit our recaps to either Wing or Sars, we have to include certain information, such as the episode title and airdate. So the other night I settled in to start my recap and was talking out loud, "Um, season number five, episode number fifteen, airdate?" Ash, sitting to me perks up and asks, "Hairdate?" "Um, no, AIRdate." "Oh," he snerks, "I thought it was some sort of timeline of Buffy's hair. Y'know, like you're doing a Star Trek Star Date rip-off." To my disgusted look, he graciously replied, "You can use that. For free." And so I have.

Longest. Previouslys. Ever. I'm boycotting them because of excessive Riley footage.

In the training room of Der Zauber Kasten, Buffy is punching what appears to be a bag rather viciously and complaining to Giles about how "gross" she feels about Spike's crush on her. I notice that now we see SMG throw the punches, but they cut away and substitute the stunt person actually landing the punches. I guess they must have finally realized how pathetic SMG's weenie little punches looked. Buffy worries that there was something about her that attracted Spike's obsession, and this spurs her on to a particularly rough set of punches, culminating in a groin kick. Giles suggests that she calm down, and Xander groans, "Me too," as the camera pulls back to reveal that what appeared to be a bag was actually Xander in a enormous fat suit. Buffy worries about "puffy Xander," but he assures her that he's alive and that he knows that "because of the pain." Buffy helps lean him against the wall and, now that she's sure Xander isn't going to die, continues her pity party. She contemplates changing her personality so that she won't chase away her boyfriend, but Xander counters with, "Or maybe you can just be Buffy. He'll see your amazing heart and he'll fall in love with you." Buffy gets all melty at this and folds her arms around Xander's fat suit. Y'know, the writers like to tease us with the occasional Buffy/Xander bone. And no, I didn't mean it like that. The last scene I recall was from "The Freshman." However, that scene was immeasurably more enjoyable because we didn't have the Fisher-Price piano stylings of the new composer going on in the background.

On the main street, a sleek Chevy pulls up to the curb, and a supple brunette in a flowery dress exits. She thanks the guy she hitched a ride with, who tries to talk her out of going to Sunnydale. He asks what she's looking for and she chirpily replies, "True love."

In the Summers living room, Joyce is spinning around in a pretty black halter dress while Dawn and Buffy evaluate her outfit. They pretend that they aren't sure about it and each asks her to spin around again. When Buffy requests that she spin the other direction, Joyce finally catches on, and they all share a laugh. Aw. The Summers sisters reassure Joyce, who is nervous about her date, but after checking the time Buffy gives Joyce a mock-stern look and says, "Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are." Dawn posits that he's a gigolo and asks "if his shirt was all shiny." Heh. Joyce tells her girls that he works at a publishing house and that they met in the gallery on her first day back. Dawn asks what their plans for the evening are and Joyce confidently replies, "Dinner and a movie," but then becomes flustered that she might have gotten the sequence of events wrong and wouldn't it really be better to go to the movie first so you have something to discuss at dinner? She continues her mini freak-out and asks for Buffy's dating advice. Buffy abstains, claiming that she isn't qualified as she's had "exactly two boyfriends and they both left. Really left. Left town left." Oh boo freakin' hoo. Dawn expositions that Buffy might meet someone at the spring-break party she's going to tonight. Joyce worries some more about her dress (but she shouldn't, because she looks vibrant and sexy) and Dawn tells her to "spin again. Real fast this time." Joyce gives her a mom look.

Tara and, for some reason, Anya are walking together through a park and talking. Tara mentions that while Willow has the geek gene, she herself seems to lack it. Tara says that she goes "online sometimes. But everyone's spelling is really bad. It's depressing." God, tell me about it, Tara. I suggest she try the MBTV Buffy boards, however. Our spelling is only marginally awful. Anya encourages her to get into online trading and says that since she tripled her earnings from Der Zauber Kasten she's considering buying something terribly expensive. Like an antelope. Heh. I don't mind materialistic Anya so much when they make her lust after wacky things. They're interrupted by the girl in the bright floral dress from earlier, who asks if they have run across a guy named Warren. Only she does it about a thousand times cheerier than I'm capable of rendering here, because my idea of cheery is refraining from slapping people if they talk to me before I've had coffee in the morning. Suffice to say that Chirpy Floral girl delivers all of her lines with raised eyebrows and a generally sincere "cute" expression. Tara tells Miss Chirpy that they don't know anyone named Warren; unfazed, the girl moves off to ask a guy sitting on a park bench a few feet behind them.

The camera pans across the aforementioned spring-break party. The large room is decorated with palm trees, tiki crap all over, hanging paper lanterns, and a huuuuuuge shell that holds the special punch. Can I just say that this is the world's largest shout-out to me? I've been obsessed with all things Hawaiian and tiki for years! In the past I've had whole rooms decorated in hula girls and bamboo matting (my place now is too small). Hey, a guy just walked by the camera wearing a large plastic tiki mask on his head. I have that very tiki mask! Hanging over my television, no less. Oh, this is exciting. What, I can't be delusional too? The camera comes to rest on Xander and Buffy dancing together and looking very adorable. Willow, Anya, and Tara stand on the sidelines and watch. Xander and Buffy finish their dance, and Xander goes to join the girls. While I must admit that Xander isn't actually a good dancer, he's certainly a very adorable one. Buffy spies Greasy Intern Ben standing across the room but alas! They are separated by the giant clamshell of punch. Oh well. So sad. But lo! Buffy finds her way around the clamshell and, while Ben is looking away, situates herself against a pillar in his line of vision. Uch. Who let him in here? Even if we didn't know about Ben's nefarious connections, this would make me doubt him. I'm pretty suspicious of someone who is an intern at a hospital and has therefore completed both college AND med school, yet wants to spend his Friday night crashing an on-campus college party. When Ben turns his head, he sees Buffy, and I suddenly wonder if Ben has the same sort of powers that Glory does? If so, he already knew exactly where Buffy was and was just standing around looking doofy to entice her. So Buffy pretends that she didn't see Ben, who pretends that he didn't know Buffy was there, and it's good to see that they're starting their friendship off on a solid foundation of lies and deception. Buffy greets Ben and compliments him on his non-medical clothing. He quips that he's actually wearing "orthopedic pants." Buffy doesn't find that half as a amusing as I do (which is to say that she finds it not amusing at all, and that I am halfway amused) but then remembers her resolve to laugh at jokes that guys make, and therefore does so. In an annoying and obvious fashion. Buffy asks Ben if he wants to dance, and a pained expression crosses his face. He claims that he's not really a good dancer but amends that with a non-enthusiastic, I'm-only-doing-this-to-please-the-purty-girl "Sure. I'd love to." He goes to get rid of his drink, and Buffy is left momentarily alone.

Xander and Anya are in the corner discussing snack foods when Xander is distracted by the presence of Chirpy Floral. Anya recognizes her when the girl calls out, "Warren?" Elsewhere at the party, a guy who looks like he took an unfortunate dip in the Spelling gene pool quickly hustles over to a girl and grabs her, saying, "Gotta go. She's gonna see me." Meanwhile, Chirpy Floral makes the rounds looking for Warren as Xander and Anya are joined by Tara and Willow. They watch her a bit and discuss how there's something strange about her. Tara hopes that she finds Warren and Xander says, "Somehow I don't think a girl who looks like that is going to be lonely for too long." Willow's raging gay yang momentarily takes over as she concurs, "Definitely not." Which earns her an eyebrow raise from Tara. I myself raise my eyebrow when I realize that Willow has decided to wear a green, bulky turtleneck sweater to a luau-themed spring-break party. She looks like she's wearing the flayed pelt of Oscar the Grouch.

Buffy, still waiting for Ben, is approached by Spike, and you see what I mean about creepy people attending parties inappropriate for them. Buffy gives Spike a pissed look and doesn't rise to his verbal baiting. She grits out that she told him to leave town but Spike, taking comfort in the tenets of democracy, tells her that it's a free country and if she wants him "to leave, [she] can put [her] hands on [his] hot tight little body and make [him.]" Yeah. Somehow that doesn't have as much impact what with all the square brackets, but it made me both snicker and sweat a little. Buffy snarls at Spike to get away from her, and after giving her an appraising look, he complies but doesn't go far. In fact, he just goes over to the other side of the party and spends the rest of this scene spying on Buffy. This heralds the return of GIB; he asks if Spike was bothering her, and wonders if he "should offer to get inappropriately violent or something." Buffy shakes her head, and as Spike watches curiously in the background, Ben holds up a slip of paper. It's his phone number, which he was hoping to subtly hand to her but "thought [he] should try and give it to [her] before [she] sees him dance." Oh fine. I will admit that, while I am not usually fond of Ben and never find him attractive, he does have good lines in this episode. ["I think in the future I will only date guys with really good scriptwriters." -- Sep] Buffy looks blankly at the paper, finally taking it while Ben offers to take her for coffee. Buffy demurs, warning him that if they go get coffee, events will transpire in such a way that he will have to leave town, and that wouldn't be too convenient since he's just recently arrived. Ben declares that he "thinks coffee might be worth it," and "would like to get to know coffee better." With a smile, Buffy says that she'll call him.

Spike, upset from having observed this scene from afar, catches sight of Chirpy Floral. "And who are you?" he booms, coming up to her in the vain hope of making Buffy jealous. She introduces herself as April and says that she's "lookin' for [her] fella." Her "fella," eh? Might I suggest she start her search in freakin' Iowa or something? "Maybe you just found him," replies Spike. "Really? Where?" queries April brightly. Spike leans in close and whispers into her ear. In response she grabs Spike by the lapels and throws him through the window, exclaiming, "That would be wrong. You're not my boyfriend." ["And the Misleading Division of the WB Promo Department steeee-rikes again!" --Sars]

Back at the party scene, Spike picks himself up off the ground and is shocked. You can tell because shocked people often state incredibly obvious things such as, "You threw me through a window." April primly tells Spike that his suggestions were inappropriate because Warren is already her boyfriend. Spike gives his "bleedin' sympathies to Warren" before taking off. April turns and tells the crowd of stunned onlookers that "no one but Warren can touch [her]." Buffy stops April and asks if they can talk but April interrupts her, asking if she knows Warren. Buffy: "Okay. I think you need to take a second and stop looking for your boyfriend." At this, April picks Buffy up and throws her across the room. Buffy sits up, rubbing her shoulder, as April approaches. "If I hurt you just now I am sorry. And I hope that your boyfriend will take good care of you," April Stepfords before taking off.