Buffy vs. Dracula

S05E01

Before the actual episode starts, we get an "Intro to Buffy the Vampire Slayer" clip montage that runs for a whole minute and twenty seconds. I guess the WB is expecting new viewers this season? Anyway, under the lettering reading "season premiere," we see flashes of fire, the Master, a black-and-white photo of a seated woman, and Buffy taking out the cross Angel gave her in the first season. "I've changed a lot since I first became the Slayer and I'm still changing." Shots of fifth-season Buffy, and then of her sleeping and looking at Giles's pocket watch from "Restless." WB Announcer Guy: "She was chosen to lead the fight against the forces of darkness." Buffy snots at Giles from the first episode, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" WB Announcer: "With the help of allies," and we see a shot of the Scooby gang with (sigh) Oz in the lead, "and the sacrifices made by friends," and for some reason this part of the voice-over coincides with Riley slurping on Buffy's face and untying her shirt (some sacrifice!), "Buffy Summers has answered her destiny as the protector of the night"; shots from "Restless," including the first Slayer, and Buffy fighting Adam from "Primeval" Giles does his spiel about a Slayer being born into each generation. WB Announcer growls on, "But the path of the chosen one is a long initiation." Even more scenes of the First, and Buffy explains, "Ever since we did that spell where we called on the First Slayer, I've changed a lot." WB Announcer: "Tonight, destiny will bring Buffy face to face with the greatest vampire of all." The Count lisps at Buffy that he feels her hunger. "Buffy will begin to unlock the legacy she has yet to fully understand." Tara and Dracula both say, "You think you know, what you are, what's to come. You haven't even begun." WB announcer concludes, "Buffy meets Dracula, and now the WB presents the season premiere of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, followed by the season premiere of Angel."

There's a new Buffy logo that consists of the letters B, S, and V swirling in from the foreground and interlocking with a clang.

Buffy lies awake in bed and tries to get comfortable. She looks over, possibly at the clock, and then to the other side of the bed, where a shirtless Riley sleeps to her. She makes a decisive face and gets up. , we see her fully dressed and running through a graveyard. She's chasing the usual dopey-looking anonymous vampire; she hops onto a headstone and tackles the vamp with a flying leap. Some kicks, general fighting, a fairly tidy cartwheeling move, and the vamp is staked. Well, it's the first episode with the new stunt coordinator and Buffy doubles, so I'll forgive all the strange shots that show her fighting only from the shoulders down, but I hope we don't see obvious dodges like that later in the season. Buffy looks charged with energy. Then we see her back in her pajamas, creeping back into bed with Riley. She snuggles close to the big spud and closes her eyes. Judging by the headboard, I'd say Buffy is sleeping with Riley in Ma Summers's house, and that serves to remind me of the irony of being the eldest child in my family. The first college boyfriend I ever had cause to bring to my parents' house for a few nights was made to sleep on the fold-out sofa in the family room. A few years later, however, there was no problem with my little sister and her boyfriend sleeping together every night for two weeks in the living room. There were always rules for me that no one bothered to enforce for my sister by the time she encountered the same situation. Why do I muse on the annoyances little sisters can bring? Well, read on.

The old Buffy logo is still in the credits, but many of the character shots have changed. On the plus side, there's some very cute shots of SMG, Alyson Hannigan, Nicholas Brendan, and James Marsters. Hee -- Spike flips off the camera British-style. On the down side, all visions of Seth Green as Oz and even that big clunk David Boreanaz have been removed. I miss those guys. Also, my most favorite shot of all, which I think I even mentioned in a recap this summer, of the Scooby gang carrying the rocket launcher box has been cut in favor of a shot of Buffy opening a door. Joss hates me.

By Ace

Commercials. Hell will be me strapped in a dentist's chair, getting twenty-three cavities filled at once with no anesthesia while Little Nicky plays in an endless loop on the TV over my head.

Buffy and Riley toss a football. On the beach! In the sun! Wow, this gives me a perfect chance to use that line I've been saving about finding it very strange that Angel, despite being a an undead creature of the night, has been to the beach more often in the last year than the human teens of the Scooby gang. But my elation at seeing the kids having fun (and finally getting to use that line) fades quickly upon really noticing what Riley's wearing. Ugh -- a lilac t-shirt with the sleeves and collar cut out. The final tragic detail is the large notch cut into the neckline of the shirt. Maybe Riley tore it trying to pull it over that honkin' conk? Riley and Buffy are tossing a football, and Riley informs Buffy she throws like a girl, which is an utterly stupid and non-supportive thing to say on so many levels, not the least of which is that if Buffy wanted to, she could throw that ball and take Riley's head off with it. Which is almost exactly what she does. I snigger as the football hits Riley in the face and knocks him down, and I rewind the scene three times, but then get worried that damage to his nose could make it even larger. As Buffy and the unfortunately-not-too-damaged Riley romp, we see Xander, Anya, Tara, and Willow taking it easy further up the beach. The girls are reading, and Xander, as he tries to light a fire in a cement grill, suggests that relaxing should "involve less exertion." I'm with you there, bro. Anya and Tara agree it's "better to just stay put" and Willow wryly comments, "I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks." Aw, Willow is wearing shorts and showing more Willow-leg than I believe we've ever seen. What a cutie. Buffy and Riley gambol up to the gang and demand burgers, but Xander informs them that he's been having problems getting the fire started. Willow waves her hand and casts a spell, which causes flames to shoot up out of the grill. Buffy chirps, "Willow, check you out! Witch-fu!" but Willow claims the spell wasn't a big deal, just a matter of balancing the elements. At that moment the sky becomes dark and cloudy, thunder booms, and rain comes pouring down. The Scoobies gather up their stuff and run for shelter, Willow claiming, "I didn't do it!"

Outside of Giles's swinging bachelor pad. Or more realistically, his small apartment with the depressing little kitchen, but I have high hopes of Giles getting a plot this season, so I'm gonna go with "swinging bachelor pad." Inside, Willow sits in front of Giles's Apple laptop and tells him he's good to go. Giles makes the obligatory crusty reference to his incompatibility with technology and loads Willow down with an armful of books with which to test his new scanner. Willow, wearing a pretty pink velvet tank top with a dark purple back, complains about the amount of work, and Giles almost whines that he needs to archive his texts. Willow says winter seems more like archiving season, and I'd have to agree, but Giles passive-aggressives that she's "welcome to leave." Oh man, just a few seconds into this scene and I'm already getting bummed about Giles's prospects this season. Willow, always one to fall for a guilt trip, agrees to help, but tells him, "I draw the line at making giant rubber-band balls. That's when you'll just have to get a life." This causes Giles to get reflective, and he tells Willow he needs to tell her something which she must not repeat to Buffy. Willow dizzily agrees, looking awfully cute (Aly Hannigan has the largest eyes), and Giles tells her he's preparing the Scoobies for his departure for England. Willow protests, but Giles tells her it's "quite obvious" that Buffy doesn't need him anymore. Willow protests again, saying they do need him, but Giles seems determined to leave Sunnydale. He says he plans to tell Buffy soon.

Buffy and Joyce are eating chez Summers. Buffy thanks her mom for dinner and rises to go on patrol. Her mom is curious why she has to go out early, and Buffy explains that, for vamps, "dark equals dinner bell." Joyce muses that the house will be "so quiet" without Buffy after she goes back to school. Actually, if she's allowing Buffy and Riley to stay there together and they're continuing their, umm, "frequency" of last season, you'd think Joyce would be desperate for a little quiet. Buffy wants to make dinner together a regular thing and Joyce nods. Buffy leaves, saying patrolling is "a total drag."

Buffy, in snappy red leather pants, is kicking a random vampire's ass, and it doesn't look a bit like it's a "total drag." As she and the vampire fight, we see a cheesy special-effects mist coalesce, and then a close-up of a pale guy with closely set eyes. Buffy stakes the vamp and rises, looking satisfied. As she stalks off through the cemetery, a voice behind her says, "Very impressive hunt." Buffy turns and explains to the man, a long-haired guy in a cape wearing about a kilo of white pancake make-up, that for her, it's "just another day on the job." She waggles her fingers at the vamp, challenging him, but he self-importantly intones, "We are not going to fight." The guy has some sort of on-again, off-again accent, but mostly I'm distracted by the too-obvious hollows the make-up department has created on his face by smearing charcoal powder from under his cheekbones down to his jaw line. The hell? Buffy asks who he is, and he replies, "I assumed you knew. I ahm Drahcuuula." Buffy looks surprised and replies, "Get out!" That made me giggle.

Willow and Xander walk together through a cemetery. Willow asks Xander a "what if" about someone having a secret, and he dryly tells her that "everyone" knows about her and Tara but that he would be happy to hear a "naughty" secret about them. I'm getting cranky watching this scene, because there seems to be something wrong with my cable reception. In the lower right of the screen, in the vicinity of Xander's orange Hawaiian shirt, I keep seeing tiny flashes and sparkles like Tinkerbell on meth is zipping around down there. Jesus God! I just realized Xander's Hawaiian shirt is bedecked with sequins. Which I guess makes him the Tinkerbell. The Fashion Nazi strikes again. I know plenty of men who wear Hawaiian shirts, but not a one who would wear one covered in orange sequins. Xander and Willow wander on to look for Buffy, as Willow toys with revealing the secret Giles told her not to tell anyone.

Buffy's still chatting with Count Suckula. She asks if he's really Dracula and continues, "And you're sure this isn't just some fan-boy thing? Because I've fought more than a couple pimply overweight vamps who called themselves Lestat." Hee. The Prince of Dorkness starts to butter Buffy up, telling her he came to Sunnydale to check out the world-famous Buffy Summers. Buffy is more than a little pleased by this description, and they share words about her power being "rooted in darkness." Buffy snarks that she feels bored, and she's not the only one, but I also feel horrified by the enormous dimension of Dracula's forehead. Buffy moves to stake the Count, but he vanishes into mist. He appears behind her, but when she spins to try again, he dissipates. As Buffy sulks that the Dork Prince is "cheating," Willow and Xander wander up. Buffy demands that they leave, but with utter lack of self-preservation instinct that I think would have gotten them offed long ago in Sunnydale, Willow and Xander just stand there and look bland. Dracula appears behind them, and Xander mocks him for having a case of "Dark Prince envy" and a Sesame Street accent. Willow, on the other hand, stares transfixed at the Transylvanian twerp. When Buffy tells Xander she's sure that's Dracula, he darts behind her and apologizes. Dracula is bored with this little scenario, I guess, so he flaps off into bat-form and dive-bombs the kids a few times.

Later, at Giles's, Xander, Buffy, and Willow are excitedly recounting their adventure. When Buffy gushes, "I mean, can you believe that? Count Famous heard of me," Riley grouses, "I couldn't believe it the first twenty times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now." Shut up, Riley. I get the feeling that's not the last time I'm going to say that this season. Buffy and Willow titter about how sexy Dracula was and about his penetrating eyes, and Xander waxes fan-boy, wondering if Dracula knows Frankenstein. Hey, I hope not, because Adam was enough Frankenstein's monster for me. Tara asks Willow, "You thought Dracula was sexy?" in a doubtful way, thought I'm not sure if she's confused by Willow finding a vampire or a man attractive. Anya, who I really wish would wear a bra once in a while, smirks that she hung out with Dracula "once or twice in her demon days," causing Xander to claim that Drac was "no big whoop." Giles finally pipes up that he's sorry he missed the encounter, but he actually sounds like he's sorry these damn kids won't leave him alone so he can pour himself a nice single-malt Scotch and watch that Letty The Lusty Librarian tape he has hidden in his nightstand. Willow tries to play up Giles's importance in a sweet but clueless fashion by saying she had wished he was there. The gang decides they need to research Dracula in order to defeat him, but Riley wants to take the direct approach and "go after him now." Xander agrees, but Anya assures him that Dracula is "too slick to fall for the usual stuff." The plan then is to hold off on encountering Dracula, and I'll spare you some stupid insecurity on Riley's part and door-matty reassurance of his ego on Buffy's part. Willow and Tara are dispatched to research "Vlad the Impaler" on the Internet, and Giles goes to hit the books. As the gang disperses, Riley claims, "If the Initiative was still around, we'd be able to find everything on this guy in a few hours," and I want to know what the hell show Riley was watching last season. I think if the Initiative was still around, they'd insist Dracula was an "animal," ignore Buffy when she tried to suggest research, and then unleash a completely boring and ineffective green latex plot device on Sunnydale before thoroughly getting their asses kicked and their compound filled in with concrete. I know Forrest meant a lot to Riley, but I thought he was off that whole "truth, justice, and the Initiative way!" kick. Buffy instructs the gang to meet again at Giles's in the morning before she and Riley discuss their plans for the rest of the night. Buffy is tired and wants to hit the sack, and suggestively suggests that Riley accompany her, but he declines, saying he's "wired." He promises to meet her in the morning with doughnuts, and Buffy grins, "See? A little sugar and I'm all yours. Dracula schmakula." ["Riley had better watch out for Count Chocula, then. I heard he's the Big Bad this season." -- Sep]

Xander and Anya walk together outside. Anya muses that Dracula most likely wouldn't remember her; Xander ignores her, as usual. As they walk past the Expresso Pump, we see that a wolf is on the roof, watching them. I guess the wolf rental fees were higher than the fake-plastic-bat-on-a-string fees, because we don't see Dracula take this form again. When Anya wants Xander to mention her name to Dracula the time they see each other, Xander suggest that she just go to a graveyard and "flaunt her neck cleavage" so she and the Dork Prince can "talk private." They establish that he's jealous, but Nick Brendan plays it more as "annoyed," so I got confused. Anya declines his invitation to the Basement of Debasement because "it's whites day" and the "bleach smell makes [her] nauseous." She takes off, and Xander continues on alone. As he walks down a particularly dark street, Dracula appears suddenly before him, concentrating on sucking in his cheeks and looking as gaunt and broody as possible. Xander makes with the courageous, challenging Bland the Impaler to a round of "old-fashioned fisticuffs" and generally babbling until Dracula intones, "Silence!" Xander promptly replies, "Yes, Master," but then shakes his head and tries to regain control. Suckula does a little hand-waving motion and informs Xander he will be his "emissary." He promises Xander, "I vill make you ahn immoooortal. A child ov darkness that feeds on life itself. Ohn bloooohd." Xander grovels in excitement, and Dracula actually cracks me up by telling him, "You are strange and off-putting. Go now," before vanishing. Xander gives a servile little, "Heh. Heh. Heh," laugh and hurries off.

Riley enters a crypt and pokes around. It's a fairly nice place as crypts go, with lit candles all around, so I'm not much surprised to see Spike emerge from the shadows and greet Riley. Riley gestures at the cross-bow Spike is holding and tells him to put it down unless he wants to get one hell of a headache, referring of course to the chip in Spike's head (we think) that prevents him from inflicting violence on "any living thing." Spike lays the weapon down and saunters up to Riley, hooking his fingers in his belt (imagine a melty sigh from your recapper at this point) and bragging that he's got "quite a few demons" after him. Riley, the big bore, just wants information and asks Spike about Dracula. "Hmph, Dracula?" laughs Spike. "Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing." As he lights a ciggie, Spike explains that he and Drac were rivals before Drac got famous and "forgot all about his foes." Spike flops down in a chair, complaining about Dracula's "glory hound" routine damaging vampires by letting people know how to kill them. When Riley asks about Drac's special powers, Spike dismisses them as "nothing but showy gypsy stuff," which I suspect is a bit of bluster, because wouldn't all vamps do those things if they are that easy? Riley tells Spike that Dracula is in Sunnydale, and Spike assumes the Dark Ponce is there to see him until Riley disabuses him of that notion by saying that Drac is actually "gunning" for Buffy. Spike tries to persuade Riley that he won't find Dracula easily because he has to have "his luxury estate and his bug eaters and his special dirt." Spike tells Riley to just go home to his "super-honey," which riles Riley, who threatens Spike by telling him he would have no problem staking him even though Buffy might. Spike approaches and growls, "I'd like to see you try!" Riley rises to his full height and replies, "Would you?" They mad-dog each other until Spike recalls his impotence and turns his head aside. Aw, poor Spikey. Riley leaves, and Spike calls after him that he'll never find Dracula before he gets to Buffy.

The Summers homestead. Buffy sleeps alone in her bed, so I guess Riley has a place of his own. Don't you wish he'd stay there all the time? Dracula-fog pours in through the slightly open window and a rushing windy noise wakes Buffy up. The Dork Prince, who has gone extra-heavy on the under-cheekbone charcoal, stands at the end of the bed and intones, "You are magnificent." Hey, how'd he get in the house without an invitation anyway? That's gonna bug me for this whole scene, I can tell. The Count, who is wearing so much make-up I think I have to start calling him Spackula, tells Buffy she is "kindred," then demands that she pull her hair back. Buffy obeys him and dreamily says, "This isn't how I usually fight." Spackula, who always wears a super-annoying slack-jawed look, makes a little moue of pleasure at the sight of Buffy's neck. She attempts to protest his entrance with "music-video wind and hypo-eyes" but falters at his seductive stare. Or that's how I'm sure the script read, anyway. In his best Transylvanian accent, Spacky lisps that he has searched and yearned for her, and he sits on the bed, touching her neck. He sees the scar left by Angel and says whoever left it was "unworthy" because he let Buffy go. Spackula continues to get all up in Buffy's face, and with vampires I always wonder about blood-breath, although I guess you're assured they won't have garlic breath. Spacky is obviously moving in to bite Buffy and I'm on the edge of my seat, wondering if he'll deliver the classic line: "I vant to suck your bloooohd." He tells her not to fight and bites in; Buffy makes a pained face and moans as we fade to commercial.

The camera pans up on Buffy's house. She wakes up and, after getting dressed, pauses in front of the mirror. She runs her fingers through her hair, thinking, "God. Why do I have to wear these fugly huge hoop earrings? I thought I bribed the Fashion Nazi." Oh, my bad. She actually notices the two gaping holes in her neck caused by Count Snackula. She quickly hides them with a jauntily tied scarf.

Buffy is relaxing on the couch at Giles's when Riley tempts her with a jelly donut. She recoils in horror, presumably because she's preoccupied with her thoughts and not because she never eats. Xander swoops in to grab the jelly from Riley as Willow mentions that she has a whole bunch of Dracula factoids. Xander asks if that's enough to "fight the dark Master..." After a look from Riley: "...bater." Heh. Oddly enough, no one gives him an even stranger second look. Xander is acting incredibly twitchy, as if his jelly donut were dusted with powdered crack instead of sugar. Willow quickly runs down a list of Drac's turn-ons and turn-offs and his special powers. Buffy looks increasingly worried when Willow mentions mind control and the ability to appear in dreams. Willow admits that she felt the effects of Drac's penetrating gaze, but Buffy denies it, fingering her scarf. Xander pipes up, "See! I think you're drawing crazy conclusions about the unholy Prince..." More shocked looks. "...bater." Snerk. As the others continue to discuss the Prince of Dorkness, Xander is distracted by a spider on Giles's desk. He smashes it loudly with his fist and then stuffs it in his mouth, glancing around surreptitiously. Oh, I get it. Xander as Renfield. Meanwhile, Buffy is becoming more and more agitated by the information conveyed about Dracula. She cuts them off with, "That's interesting. I'm going to go find him." Riley jumps up after her with a warning not to go alone. She blows him off and continues out the door until Riley catches up with her in the courtyard.

Riley grabs her arm and demands that she take off her scarf, and when she refuses he concludes that she's "under the thrall of the Dark Prince." Bater. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Riley snatches the scarf off to reveal Buffy's bite marks. The gang has by this time filed out to watch the action. Buffy says that she doesn't know why she wanted to hide the fact that she was bitten, except that there was a voice telling her to do so. Riley uses this to back up his "thrall" claim, but Xander protests, "You're saying Dracula has some sort of freaky mind control over her? You're watching too many creature features, man." He's then distracted by a buzzing fly, which he then eats. No, I'm not making this up. Riley pouts that he shouldn't take it personally since it's obviously some sort of Angel "transference." Instead of knocking his block off, Buffy says, "I swear to you. I'm your girl and I'm going to stay that way." Oh thank the gods! I'm now ninety-three percent sure that the Buffy/Riley relationship won't last out the season. Remember what happened the last time Buffy said that to a guy? A guy named Angel. Who is now off the show. It looks like all those ritual sacrifices I did last year aren't going to be in vain after all. Riley tries to assert his perceived masculine prerogative some more by ordering Buffy to stay away from Dracula. It's decided that Buffy will stay at Xander's while Giles and Riley look for Dracula and the witches revoke the invitation to Casa Summers. "How'd he get inside anyway?" wonders Willow.

"He seemed so nice and normal. A little pale," says Joyce to Willow and Tara, who are busy waving herbs in the foyer. Willow advises her to avoid "white-skinned men in capes" during her stay in Sunnydale. Joyce slumps down on the stairs, saying, "It's hard to date. Sometimes you just feel like giving up on men altogether." Willow and Tara exchange a barrage of little looks and continue on with their spell. Oh ho ho. That was side-splittingly funny. On Ally McBeal, maybe.

Sundown. Riley and Giles haven't had any luck. They decide to hurry to hit the last few places on the list.

Xander is pacing nervously in the Basement of Debasement while Anya is in the middle of a tirade, protesting that she should be looking for Dracula instead of "Slayer-sitting." Xander interrupts her to ask the time, and she tells him it's almost six. She continues with her whining until Xander grabs her and locks her in a nearby closet. Ha! I hope she stays there all season. He monotones to Buffy, who is seated on the couch, "I'm supposed to deliver you to the Master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?" "Take me to him," replies Buffy, all nonchalant.

Buffy and Xander approach the huge castle on the outskirts of Sunnydale. Xander leads Buffy into a chamber and says, "Master, I deliver the Slayer. She who you most desire. I'm sorry. Whom." Bwa! Dracula, who has been staring into the fire, turns to face them, clad in a red button-down shirt and black sweater vest. Dracula wears a sweater vest? Well, I guess that answers the age-old question: "What does Dracula wear under his cape?" Or was that Scotsmen? Who does he think he is anyway, Chandler Bing? Xander is quick to jump on the immortality bandwagon, but Dracula orders him to leave. "I knew you'd come," says Dracula. "Why?" queries Buffy. "Because I'm under your thrall?" Grabbing a stake. "Well, guess again, pal." Dracula calmly tells her to put the stake down and Buffy quickly sets it on the table. She immediately starts trying to convince herself that she dumped the stake of her own free will, but soon realizes that she's not even fooling herself and lets out a worried whine while glancing at the door.

Riley and Giles approach the "big honkin' castle" that Riley has never noticed in the two years he's been in Sunnydale, and they decide to check it out.

Buffy warns Dracula to stay away from her and that last night was just a fluke. He fixes her with his "penetrating" gaze and tells her, "Stop me. Stake me." "Any minute now," replies Buffy unconvincingly. She mentions her friends, but Dracula assures her that they won't disturb them. "We are alone. Always alone," he whispers melodramatically. Because if there's one thing we need on this show, it's more melodramatic vampires. I would like to point out that Spacky is wearing more eye makeup than the entire female cast combined. And considering what they did to poor Willow this episode, that's saying something. Maybe he's a sweet transvestite from trans-sexual Transylvania. He circles Buffy, telling her that "there's so much [he] has to teach [Buffy]. Your history. Your power. What your body is capable of." Oh, ew! Buffy replies that she doesn't need to know. Neither do I. He starts talking again, and my, doesn't Count Gum-Flapula like to hear the sound of his own voice? "But first a little taste," he finishes ominously.

By Ace

Buffy runs and tackles Dracula. They roll around a bit and fight. I must say that the stunt double's pink leather-clad butt is painfully obvious in this fight scene. Buffy grabs a torch and almost sets Bland the Impaler on fire. He starts to dissipate, but Buffy catches on to which way the wind is blowing and, after a running start, takes a flying leap up to the mezzanine level. She stakes Dracula just as he starts to reappear and asks him, "How do you like my darkness now?" as he turns into dust. She descends to the main floor, by way of the stairs this time, as Riley and Giles rush in. In response to their queries, she tells Riley that she's "chock full of free will" and that Dracula is "Euro-trashed." Heh. At that moment Xander runs into the room, torch in hand, wanting to know, "Where's the creep that turned me into a spider-eating man-bitch?" Buffy replies that he's gone, and Xander says that he's "sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment. It's over. I'm sick of being everybody's butt-monkey." What is a butt-monkey, anyway? Might I suggest that the first step on the path to un-butt-monkeyness might be to get his own apartment? Riley tries to reassure Xander, telling him that "at least you weren't making time with the Dracubabes like Giles here." Giles and Riley bicker good-naturedly as the gang files out.

All of a sudden, after everyone has left, we see Spacky rematerialize, and from off-screen Buffy stakes him. "You think I don't watch your movies?" she quips. "You always come back." He dissipates again and starts to reform in almost the exact same spot when Buffy breaks in, "I'm standing right here," in a very annoyed voice, and the smoke dissipates again. Okay. Funny. Sure. But what the hell was that? Is Dracula dead? I mean, "undead"? You know what I mean. If dusting him doesn't get rid of him, what does? Having that scene there was just a bad decision on the director's part. I think it would have worked much better over the credits, much like the talent show scene from "The Puppet Show."

Establishing shot of Casa Giles. Buffy walks in to sit down on Giles's couch, because apparently Giles wanted to talk to her. Buffy's outfit is just terrible. All I'm saying is that it looks like burlap is the hot new fabric for fall. Fugly smocked burlap, paired with jeans with a prosthetic pot-belly attachment. This is proof that the wrong cut can make anybody look bad. Anyway, Buffy tells Giles that she has something to tell him too, but he insists that she go first. She starts out with, "You haven't been my Watcher for a while. I haven't been training and I haven't really needed to come to you for help." She quickly segues into how she's changed since the spell they performed in "Primeval," and she needs to know more about her origins as a Slayer. "But I'm scared. I know it's gonna be hard. And I can't do it without you. I need your help. I need you to be my Watcher again." Giles looks almost overcome with emotion, but instead of, y'know, hugging Buffy or saying anything, he just grabs for his teacup.

By Ace

Sundown. Riley and Giles haven't had any luck. They decide to hurry to hit the last few places on the list.

Riley and Giles approach the "big honkin' castle" that Riley has never noticed in the two years he's been in Sunnydale, and they decide to check it out.

By Ace

Riley is going through the house trying different doors when he comes upon Xander. "Nobody harms my Master," says Xander. "You want him? You come through me." Boom. Xander hits the floor. Well, that's what you get for wearing an oxford with no collar, Xander. "Okey dokey," says Riley and continues on his way.

Giles too is searching the house. He opens a door and steps through it, falling right into a pit. "Oh, good show, Giles. At least you didn't get knocked out for a change," he mutters to himself. Ha! He is immediately set upon by three gorgeous Dracubabes, who begin to maul him, but in a good way. For the moment.

The Dark Ponce rolls up his sleeve, STILL TALKING. "All these years fighting us. Your power so near to our own and you've never once wanted to know what it is we fight for. Never even a taste." He slices open his wrist and offers it to Buffy. She protests that she's not hungry. "You think you know. What you are. What's to come. You haven't even begun." Hmm. I know I've heard that somewhere before. Anyway, Buffy takes his wrist and starts sucking. Is there a new composer this year? The music is very "Marion's Theme" from the first Indiana Jones movie. Snackula tells her to embrace "the darkness" and her "true nature." We're treated to few quick shots of the first Slayer coupled with a few shots of Buffy hunting. She jerks her head back and shoves Dracula backwards onto the table. Dracula, in a very Captain Obvious moment, notes that she is resisting. "Looks like," agrees Buffy with a very Faith-like head tilt and intonation, which I've been noticing throughout this whole episode. I wonder if they're going anywhere with that? Dracula can't quite believe what he's hearing so he settles for growling and rushing her. Buffy does a very Super Mario Bros. move and jumps over him. They exchange blows, and then Dracula sneaks in a wicked punch that causes Buffy to fly about fifteen feet in the air and land heavily on the table. Ow-wee.

By Ace

Riley is still looking for Buffy and almost falls through the same door that tricked Giles earlier. He catches himself on the door frame, then tosses Giles down a stake before hauling him up. In the process, Giles loses his shoe and is about to go back to get it, obviously in some sort of thrall of his own, but Riley drags him away saying, "No, no, no, sir. No more chickpit for you." Heh -- that was the Riley line that made me laugh. My spell-checker suggests that I use "chickpeas" instead of "chickpit." Yeah, Giles, lay off the falafels.

By Ace

Back at Buffy's, she tells her mom that she's taking off to go to the movies with Riley. She turns the corner into her room and with a puzzled look asks, "What are you doing here?" The camera view changes to show Dawn, Buffy's identical cousin from England, I mean, desperate ratings grab, I mean "sister." Joyce calls out that Buffy should take her "sister," and both girls protest, "Mooooom," in that offended tone native to teenaged siblings. Dawn is played by a young actress named Michelle Trachtenberg, and not by Rae Dawn Chong as you might be forgiven for thinking. And, incidentally, Sep was once left in the care of Cheech Marin for an evening (which practically makes her Rae Dawn Chong's sister; they're like two hot bananas from the same bunch) while her parents took Cheech's aunt to the emergency room. Let me repeat: Cheech Marin was once responsible for the health and welfare of Sep. This just goes to show you that not being familiar with pop culture can be very dangerous.