Restless

S04E22

Wow! Last Buffy recap of the season. Together Sep and I would like to give shout-outs to Sars, Wing, Glark, and the regulars on the MBTV Buffy boards. I'd also like to thank my family, Ash, and my employers, who don't actually know that I do this on their time. Sep wants to thank owen, Keight, The Boy, and Les.

Previously on Buffy: Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Giles cast a spell to combine their powers and defeat Adam. In the spell, Willow was the spirit, Giles was the mind, Xander the heart, and Buffy the hand. Empowered Buffy yanked Adam's glow-stick, er, I mean "power source" and he croaked. And that better be permanent, Joss Whedon.

Strange structure to this episode: the previouslys, no teaser, immediately into the credits and then back to the show. I only mention this because I'm a creature of habit and this unconventional sequence really threw me off.

At the Summers's front door, Buffy asks Riley if he's going to be okay. As Giles and Willow look on, Riley assures Buffy that he just has to go in for routine questioning. He says that Graham and the other soldiers who survived will testify on his behalf and he'll get an honorable discharge. I'm having trouble paying attention to the Riley blather because the credits are showing such fascinating names as Mercedes McNab, George Hertzberg (nooo, I thought we were rid of Adam), Seth Green, and Armin Shimerman! Woo hoo, Seth Green! Xander comes on the scene with "dinner" (a bowl of microwave popcorn) and Riley prepares to leave after saying his good-byes to Joyce, who pointedly says it was nice to "finally" meet him. It's nice to finally see Joyce again. And it would be nice to finally see the tail end of Riley for good, but we all know that ain't going to happen. The gang trails into the living room to watch videos; Joyce declines an invitation to join them. Xander pushes to watch Apocalypse Now, describing it as a "gay romp" and "the feel-good movie of whatever year it was." Time to stop smoking the monkey crack, Xander. But this does remind me that I really, really need to break down and rent Apocalypse Now, as I've never seen it. The girls aren't convinced, and Xander admits he brought other selections, enough to last them all night. He pops a video into the VCR, but the gang are all crashed out and asleep before the FBI warning is even over. Well, at least that way they're spared the endless trailers for such straight-to-video cinematic gems as The Wharf Rat, Dusk Till Dawn 2, and Jade.

The camera pulls in on Willow and then into her dream. In Tara's dorm room, a shirtless Tara lies on her stomach, head cradled on her folded arms. She worries that they haven't found Miss Kitty's name yet. Dreamy slo-mo shot of Miss Kitty romping with a ball of yarn. Tara repeats that she thought the cat would have let them know her name by now. Willow, sitting nearby, assures Tara that the cat will let them know her name and "she's not all grown yet." Tara asks if Willow is worried; Willow smiles and says, "I never worry here. I'm safe here." Tara responds that Willow doesn't know everything about her, and Willow makes a considering face, then asks if Tara has revealed her real name. Tara dismisses the question, saying that Willow knows it, and we see Willow dipping a brush in an inkwell. As she does so, Tara says, "They will find out, you know. About you." This appears to worry Willow, but she says she can't think about it -- she has schoolwork to complete. The camera pans out a little wider, and we see that Willow is painting letters in ink on Tara's nude back. I shout "Ooh!" and add The Pillow Book to my "movies to rent" list that I'm preparing in anticipation of three weeks of house-sitting this summer. Tara asks if Willow will finish her work before class, adding that Willow has never taken drama before. A close-up of Tara's back reveals about ten lines of what appear to be Greek letters (a poem by Sappho, apparently. Subtle in a not-very-subtle sort of way, Joss) painted on her back. Willow says she doesn't want to leave, but when Tara finally looks at her and asks, "Why not?" Willow just gets up and walks to a window. She pulls back the shade and bright light floods the room, illuminating Tara's back. Outside the window is a deserty landscape (looks a lot like where I live -- or more likely, the desert fifty miles outside Los Angeles) and Willow says, "There's something out there." We see flashes of something moving from bush to bush and then an extreme close-up of Miss Kitty, stalking the camera in slo-mo. I hope the cat is back season. Maybe Miss Kitty can have Anya's slot -- I mean, they're both catty. Groan, I know.

Willow's dream changes scene and she's walking through a hallway at UC Sunnydale. She rounds a corner and encounters Xander and Oz. Oz! Willow greets them but keeps walking. As they follow her, Oz mentions that he heard she was registered for drama and that it's a hard course. Willow approaches a wall of lockers, asking if Oz has taken drama, and he replies, "Oh, I've been here forever." As Willow fiddles with her locker, Xander asks what she's been up to and whether she's been doing spells. Both guys stand behind Willow; Xander explains to Oz that Willow does spells with Tara, and Oz says he's heard that. A bell rings and Willow rushes off. Xander and Oz stay at her locker, and Xander coyly says, "Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell and then I do a spell by myself." Oz gives him a look, but I think that since both of them spent this entire scene with their hands jammed in their pockets, it's pretty obvious that they were already doing some little spells.

Willow enters a backstage area. People are milling about in all kinds of costumes and we can hear an orchestra warming up somewhere. Willow looks apprehensive and very confused. Suddenly Harmony rushes up, dressed in a milkmaid's outfit with her hair in braids, and hugs Willow excitedly. She perks on about being in their first production and then warns Willow, "Don't step on my cues." Willow stares at her in shock. Buffy then rushes up to Willow, decked out in a black bobbed wig, heavy eye makeup, and a flapper dress. She grabs Willow, saying that Willow's whole family is in the first row and "they look really angry." Willow is disconcerted, surprised that there's a production, and she asks, "Isn't this the first class?" Up tromps Riley, in ten-gallon hat, neckerchief, and old-timey western shirt, saying that Willow showed up too late to get a good part. Quite unnecessarily he adds, "I'm Cowboy Guy." He seems so proud, poor man. Buffy tells Willow in hushed tones that her costume is perfect and that "nobody will know." "Costume!?" asks Willow, who is wearing a regular season-four Willow outfit of a yellow t-shit and maxi skirt. Buffy thinks Willow is already "in character" and flounces away sulking. Willow tries to reason with her dream, saying that she was "given to understand" that the drama class would have class sessions and rehearsals. Harmony smugs that some people already rehearsed, and Riley again doofs his "Cowboy Guy" line. Somebody get this guy a role on Baywatch: Hawaii, please? It would be a good place for him -- he could show off his (c)hunky chest and not worry about being out-acted by a five-month-old kitten. We hear Giles clapping for attention; he gathers everyone around and, in a very effete version of his usual accent, begins to give them an opening-night pep talk about energy and staying in character. As he talks, Willow again sees the indistinct figure, this time moving behind some furniture. She hushedly wonders whether anyone else saw, but Giles is continuing his pep talk with, "The audience wants to find you, strip you naked and eat you alive. So hide." That sounds like a joke, ha ha, but actually sums up all too well how I felt during my year as a junior-high-school teacher. He continues his talk and Harmony, vamped out, keeps popping up behind him and mock-biting his neck. Giles flicks at her, telling her that she's being annoying and must stop. He finally reveals that the production will be "Death of a Salesman" and gives the traditional theater conclusion, "Break a leg." The crowd of costumed actors mills about as Willow just stands, looking appalled. The sound diminishes and Willow turns slowly. In the corner she sees a little bald man in glasses and a tweedy suit. He conspiratorially tells her, "I've made a little space for the cheese slices," and gestures towards a number of processed cheese slices lined up on a small table. Willow closes her eyes and then parts the red stage curtains.

Instead of ending up onstage, though, she walks down a long narrow corridor made of red curtains. I quickly jot Twin Peaks on my rental list and wonder how many more "homages" Joss has up his sleeve. In the corridor she meets Tara, who says that things aren't going very well. Dreamy electronic music plays. Willow is disgusted by the drama class and the fact that a cowboy is appearing in "Death of a Salesman." Tara beetles her brows and says Willow doesn't understand. Willow asks if something is following her, and Tara confirms it. Willow frets about not knowing her lines; Tara tells her the play has already started but "that's not the point." Because this is a dream sequence and all, I'll forgo my temptation to ask what exactly the point is. Onstage, Riley and Harmony stand in front of a simple backdrop while Buffy reclines nearby on a chaise lounge. Riley greets Harmony and asks to hold her milk pails; the audience titters. Harmony asks why he has come to their small town, and Riley announces that he has come looking for a salesman. In the curtain corridor, Tara tells Willow that "everyone has started to wonder about [her], the real [her]." She says that "if they find out," they'll punish Willow, and Tara won't be able to help her. Willow desperately asks what she should do and wonders if there was something she left undone. Onstage, Buffy is giving an impassioned speech to an impassive Riley. She rants about men ("all groin, no brain"), recommending that they be tossed in the ocean. In the background, Harmony is seated on the chaise lounge weeping. Amateur theatrics make me want to cry too. Willow looks around but Tara has vanished. Willow calls out, but she's attacked by a force behind the curtains which stabs at her with a knife. She falls to the floor and is found by Buffy, now in her regular hair color and clothes, who grabs Willow's hand and leads her out, telling her to "stay low."

They exit the curtains into a classroom, where Buffy asks Willow what the attacker looked like. Willow says she doesn't know, and Buffy accuses her of having done something to provoke the attack. They continue walking towards the front of the room as Willow denies having done anything, saying, "I'm very seldom naughty." She explains about the play, and Buffy snaps that the play is long over and Willow should get out of costume. Willow tries to explain that she's not wearing a costume, but Buffy demands she remove it. Willow protests that she needs it, but Buffy rips the clothes right off her back. The camera pulls back and the room is now filled with students. Buffy takes a seat and Harmony bitches, "See, is everybody very clear on this now?" Anya snickers. Willow is standing in front of the class in season-one nerd-wear: long, long hair, little jumper dress, and white tights. Anya snerks, "It's like a tragedy." Oz leans in close to Tara and, looking very cozy, whispers to her, "I tried to warn you." The class snickers as Willow shifts uncomfortably. She begins to present a book report on The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and Xander shouts, "Who cares?" Oz nuzzles Tara's ear as she grins. Willow tries to continue with her report but is attacked by a crazy-haired creature which throws her to the ground. The class looks on nonchalantly and makes no move to help as the creature sucks the life out of Willow. In the Summers's living room, Willow gasps and chokes in her sleep.

Willow gasps for air on the couch. On the floor, Xander jerks awake and asks if he missed anything. Buffy and Giles are awake eating popcorn and Buffy says he missed "a bunch of massacring." On the TV, a soldier walks through the jungle calling to his men. Giles says he thinks Apocalypse Now is overrated, but Xander assures him it gets better. On the screen, the soldier can't find his men, and screams. Buffy offers Xander "new-car smell" popcorn, and as he eats a handful he notices the gasping Willow. He asks what's wrong, and Buffy calls Willow a "big faker." Giles says he finally understands that Apocalypse Now is "all about the journey." So dream Xander thinks Giles has an elaborate grasp of the obvious? Xander replies, "Thanks for making me have to pee," and heads off up the stairs. As he enters the upstairs hallway, Joyce comes out of her bedroom, dressed in a red negligee and robe. Xander greets her as "Joyce" and then corrects himself to "Mrs. Summers." She tells him the others have left already, and he says he should go and catch up. Joyce lounges against the door frame seductively and my skin starts to crawl. Xander and Joyce? Ewww. Xander explains, "A man's always after . . ." and Joyce finishes, "Conquest?" Xander confirms, "I'm a conquistador." She then asks him if he's sure he isn't actually looking for comfort, but her lips don't move as she says it. Xander replies, "I'm a comfortador also," after which Joyce asks if Xander would like to rest and gestures towards her bed. Xander replies that he'd like that, but he has to go to the bathroom first. He continues down the hall; Joyce looks after him and then slinks into her bedroom. Xander enters the bathroom, puts up the seat, and prepares to do his business. He then suspiciously looks over his shoulder to see a whole Initiative-style room of scientists and soldiers curiously watching him. He zips back up and goes to find another bathroom. He opens the door to Buffy's room and walks through, but ends up in his basement apartment instead. Something is rattling the handle to the door upstairs and ominous music plays. Xander looks up at the door and says, "That's not the way out."

Outside in a sunny park, Xander approaches figures swinging on a swing set -- Giles and Spike in tweedy suits. Buffy plays in a sandbox nearby. Xander greets them, and Buffy brusquely asks, "Are you sure it's us you were looking for?" Giles swings and smirks. Spike tells Xander that Giles is going to teach him to be a watcher, and Giles confirms that "Spike is like a son" to him. "I was into that for awhile, but I got other stuff going on," replies Xander, looking towards an ice-cream truck across the park, where another Xander is serving ice cream. While Giles and Spike continue to swing, Xander muses that one should always be moving forward. He then looks concernedly at Buffy in the sandbox, and asks if she's sure she should be playing there. Buffy gives him a truculent look as the sandbox turns into an expanse of desert. Buffy replies that "it" isn't coming for her yet, and when Xander frets at her some more, she replies, "I'm way ahead of you, big brother." "Brother?" queries Xander and stares at Buffy. She stares back evenly. Behind Xander, Giles and Spike swing higher and higher. Giles calls out, "A watcher scoffs at gravity."

In the ice cream truck, Xander, in his uniform, stares out the window at the tableau of Spike and Giles swinging and the other Xander standing over Buffy in the sandbox. He then walks to the front of the truck where Anya is sitting in the passenger seat. The truck is moving along with no driver, and Xander sits behind the wheel. Anya asks him if he knows where he's going and then tells him she's been "thinking about getting back into vengeance." Xander isn't keen on the idea, so Anya sulks that he doesn't want her to have a hobby. He insists that vengeance is too dangerous and is interrupted by giggling from the back of the truck. He turns to see Willow and Tara in the back, skimpily dressed and heavily made up, hugging and rubbing noses. "Do you mind?" snaps Xander, "I'm talking to my demon." Actually, Xander, I think your demon is lack of ambition. Anya is just your pain-in-the-ass, unfunny girlfriend. The girls apologize and tell Xander they find him very interesting. Willow whispers in Tara's ear and strokes her thigh; Tara grins seductively. Xander can't take his eyes off them and isn't paying attention to driving the truck at all. "Watch this," says Willow as she leans in towards Tara. We see Xander's transfixed face and hear loud lip-smacking noises in the background. The camera stays on Xander's face for the duration of supposed kiss. I'm sure I don't have to tell you all how I annoyed I am about the coyness towards Willow and Tara's physical relationship. We had to spend an hour with a plot that revolved around Buffy/Riley sex, which included watching Buffy and Riley writhe and sweat for an inordinate amount of screen time, and then we get this invisible so-called kiss? Feh. The girls pull apart, and Tara invites Xander into the back of the truck. Only in your dreams, pizza boy. Anya tells him to go ahead; quasi-porno-exotica-adventure music starts playing. Anya tells Xander she "figured out how to steer by gesturing emphatically," and starts to do so in an annoying manner as Xander gets up and moves to the back of the truck. Once back there, he can't find Tara and Willow, and then he climbs up a pile of boxes and through a diminishing corridor.

By Ace

I guess Xander gets as tired of this crap as I do, so he stands up, where he is revealed to be in Giles's courtyard. Xander sees the same unidentifiable shape that Willow did, moving in the courtyard, and runs into Giles's apartment to alert the others. Inside, Giles and Buffy are standing over Willow, who is gasping in a chair. Buffy suggests slapping her as Anya looks on. Willow and Xander don't have a very high opinion of Buffy's patience for Willow, do they? None of the gang spots Xander, who moves swiftly down a hall in Giles's apartment and exits into a crowded hallway in Buffy and Willow's dorm. He hurries along and enters their room. Behind him, something growls, and he turns and rushes into Willow's closet. He pushes his way through the clothes and moves along a dark narrow corridor, very artily lit by light coming in through slatted window shades. He exits the corridor into his basement apartment again. Someone is still pounding at the door, and this time Xander starts to climb the steps. He whispers, "That's not the way out," and suddenly the door is broken open. We can see a male shape silhouetted at the top of the stairs. Xander bows his head, looking defeated. The man starts to yell at Xander, demanding to know why he never comes upstairs. He says Xander's mother is "crying her guts out." Xander replies the man doesn't understand and then looks down. The man grits out, "The line ends here with us and you're not going to change that. You haven't got the heart." Then the man plunges his fist into Xander's chest and rips out his beating heart. Xander stares at the man, who is now an aboriginal-looking person with a painted face. The wild hair tell us that this is the same force that attacked Willow. In the Summers's living room, an unconscious Xander thrashes on the couch. The camera moves in close to the sleeping Giles.

Giles's tweed vest fills the screen. A pocket watch is swinging in front of it. He says, "You have to stop thinking. Let it wash over you." The camera focuses on Buffy, who asks Giles if this isn't "a little old-fashioned." We change to a wide-angled shot and see Buffy sitting in a chair in Giles's living room, which is devoid of furniture. Giles is standing before her, swinging the aforementioned pocket watch. He tells her that "this is the way women and men have behaved since the beginning," and gently orders her to look into the light. The camera focuses on her face as she breaks into a wide grin.

The scene changes and we see an elephant topiary strung with lights. Buffy, Giles, and Olivia come into the shot. Buffy is dragging Giles's arm, urging him to hurry. She's wearing overalls and has her hair in pigtails. I'll bet that's as close as pork ever gets to SMG. They're walking down the graveyard which is done up like a carnival. A very pregnant Olivia, who is also pushing a stroller, asks Giles if Buffy is always this enthusiastic about training. Giles replies, "It would appear that she's never heard of the fable about patience. The one with the fox and the -- less patient fox." Buffy stops in front of a glass coffin and picks up a foam ball to try and hit the "vampire" behind it. She misses by a mile and Giles exasperatedly says, "Buffy, you have a sacred birthright to protect mankind. Don't stick out your elbow." Buffy looks crestfallen but tries again. She hits it this time and looks to Giles for approval, but he tells her that he doesn't have any treats. Some random person hands Buffy a tiny cone of cotton candy. Olivia tells Giles to take it easy on Buffy, but he snappishly replies that this is his job. Giles, noticing the cotton candy, tells Buffy that she's going to get her face all messy, and when she turns towards him she's wearing a mud mask. To make it more special, we get an infrared shot. Giles looks puzzled and says, "I know you." We're interrupted by Spike, who is gesturing excitedly from the entrance to a crypt decorated with garden gnomes. He urges them to hurry up and goes inside.

We see Giles enter, and at the sight of a sobbing Olivia (who appears to be chained to something), he says, "Don't push me around. You know I have a great deal to do." The scene changes to black and white as the camera focuses on Spike, who is surrounded by people with cameras. He tells Giles that he's "hired [himself] out as an attraction," and strikes a pose that Madonna would be proud of. Giles seems bewildered, and between poses Spike tells him, "You've got to make up your mind, Rupes. What are you wasting time for?" Giles mutters that in his opinion Buffy should have staked Spike. Cheese guy is back, this time with slices of American on his bald head. "I wear the cheese, it does not wear me," he prissily informs Giles, and then strides off. Giles walks into another room and he's in the Bronze. Willow and Xander are sitting on the couch poring over some books. He apologizes for being late, and Willow points out Xander's "sucking chest wound." Xander worries that he's going to die and won't be able to support Anya on her big night. Onstage a spot-lit Anya steps up to the mike and starts the tried-and-true "A man walks into a . . ." spiel. She immediately fumbles the joke and starts thumbing through her notes as someone from the audience, who is not me but should have been, tells her that she sucks. Annoyed but unfazed, she tells him to shush or he'll "miss the humorous conclusion." I doubt it. Willow tells Giles that all of this is his fault but he again reiterates how busy he is. It's not as if I didn't know this before, but all the mentions of how much Giles has to do really clinches the fact that Giles is operating in a dream world. Willow explains that there is some sort of primal force at work.

Onstage, Anya winds up to her "humorous," conclusion and everyone laughs but Willow, who is still all business. She reminds Giles to focus and then the most glorious thing happens. Giles breaks into a song, hereafter known as "The Exposition Song." A piano tinkles as Giles sings, "Strange. It's not like anything we've faced before. It seems familiar somehow." He climbs up onto stage, walks over to the mic, and grabs it with real stage presence as the drums kick in. "Of course. The spell we cast with Buffy must have released some primal evil that's come back seeking, I'm not sure what. Willow, look through the chronicles." In the audience, Willow doesn't react at all to Giles's singing and reaches for a book on the nearby table. I'd like to say that the spiky-haired short kid on guitar in the background is so NOT Oz, no matter how much gel he's wearing. Couldn't they have just had the real Oz do a scene since he was already there to film anyway? At this point my boyfriend, who's sitting on the living room floor surrounded by a dismembered computer, says, "How embarrassing. Could they stoop any lower?" Now you know why he's no longer allowed to watch Buffy with me on Tuesday nights. "For some reference to a warrior beast," continues Giles. He grabs the microphone and dips it in front of him as he kicks it into high gear in true Rock Ballad fashion. "I've got to warn Buffy there's every chance she might be . Xander and Willow --" In the audience, Willow is nonchalantly holding up a lit lighter. Hee! "-- try not to bleed on my couch I just had it steamed. No, wait," he trails off, as there's a loud feedback noise. Giles seems distracted by the mic cable and follows it back behind stage on his hands and knees. Whoa. Giles wears Skechers? He is having a mid-life crisis. He comes to a tangle of sound cable, and from the middle he picks up a pocket watch. He mutters something about it being "obvious" and knows what it is and how to defeat it. I'm not sure, he's talking very low. During all of this, we see shots of the primal creature behind Giles, who is oblivious to its presence. Giles continues on, "With my intellect. I can cripple you with my thoughts. Of course, you underestimate me. You couldn't know. You never had a watcher." As he's saying this, the creature has drawn its knife out and runs it across Giles's forehead. As blood runs down his face, we're suddenly back in Buffy's living room, seeing Giles sprawled over his chair. The hand holding his glasses trembles violently and they drop to the floor. How the hell is Giles able to hold stuff while he sleeps? I can't do that.

The camera focuses on Buffy from above, so I guess it's her dream now. She's dreaming of her room at college. Willow is in her bed, frantically whispering to Buffy that she's got to wake up right away. Buffy grumbles that she's "not really in charge of these things." "Please help me. Please," mouths Willow from her bed. "I need my beauty sleep," replies Buffy testily, and rolls over. Hmm -- I wonder if this is actually her dream or just some candid footage they had in the archives. we get a scary overhead shot of the primal creature screaming up at us, and then Buffy wakes up in her bed at the Summers's house, last seen in Faith's dream sequence in "This Year's Girl." "Faith and I just made that bed," says Buffy, who has been magically transported to the other side of the room. "For who?" queries Tara. "I thought you were here to tell me," says Buffy. She wonders where the rest of the gang is, and Tara says that they've lost them. Buffy thinks they need her to find them and, looking at the time, remarks on how late it is. We see that the clock is showing a time of 7:30, because Joss likes to tease us. "Oh, that clock's completely wrong," says Tara, as she hands Buffy some sort of tarot-looking card that reads, "Manus." Buffy declines, saying she's "never going to use those." Tara responds, "You think you know. What's to come. What you are. You haven't even begun." Buffy glances at the bed, which has been magically remade, and then splits to go find the rest of the gang. "Be back before dawn," Tara calls out softly to Buffy's retreating figure.

In the hallway at Sunnydale High, Buffy is asking random students if they've seen the gang. She pauses at a hole in the wall and peers in to find Joyce. Buffy doesn't think her mother should live in the wall, but doesn't actually do anything to help her out, and then wanders off to find her friends after catching sight of Xander walking up the stairs. Ah, symbolism. We see a shot of Buffy's feet, and then suddenly we're not at the school anymore but in a large room that features a glass table with two figures seated at it. "Hey there, Killer," calls out a suited Riley to Buffy, who is crossing the room. She asks Riley how his briefing went, and he says it went fine. In a vain attempt to justify last week's surgery, he tells Buffy that they've made him Surgeon General. Riley tells Buffy that they're "drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffee makers that think." Buffy wonders if world domination is a good thing, and Riley swivels in his char as the camera swings in under the glass table to highlight a gun that is lying on it. "Baby, we're the government. It's what we do," replies Riley. The man across the table says, "She's uncomfortable with certain concepts. It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. Though you and me come by it another way." The last bit is directed either at Buffy or the primal force that we see standing behind her. Buffy protests that they aren't demons, and the innocuous blue-shirted man questions her assessment. Riley tells her that they have a lot of Big Important Secret Things to do, like "giving things names," which prompts Buffy to ask innocuous blue-shirted man what his name was. "Before Adam? Not a man among us can remember." The room is cast in a blue light as a disembodied voice intones, "The demon has escaped. Please run for your lives." At this, Riley and pre-FrankenFlash Adam stand. "We'd better make a fort," says Riley. "I'll get some pillows," responds Adam. Ha! I have to say their delivery cracked me up. And boy, out of the green rubber freak suit, Adam is cute and real skinny. Sounds of chaos can be heard in the background as Buffy glances down at a bag near her feet. She opens it to find more mud. She runs her hand through it and then spreads it all over her face. We get the special infrared cam again and then Riley, in civilian clothes, accusingly says, "I thought you were looking for your friends. Okay, Killer. If that's the way you want it, I guess you're on your own," and walks off. Buffy looks confused but gets up and starts walking.

The terrain slowly changes from a concrete floor to rippling sand, and then we're in full on desert. "I'm never going to find them here," says Buffy. "Of course not, that's the reason I came," says Tara, who is clad in hot pink genie top and skirt. Tara explains that she's not really in Buffy's dream, that she's just on loan because "someone has to speak for her." Buffy says, "Let her speak for herself. That's what done in polite circles," as the primal force wanders into the shot and circles around Buffy. We finally get a clear shot of her and can see that she wears dreadlocks, and that the white paint on her face is reminiscent of a skeleton. Buffy asks where her friends are, but Tara/primal force tells her that she's asking the wrong questions. Buffy orders Tara to make the primal force speak, but Tara replies, "I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death. The blood cry. The penetrating wound. I am destruction. Absolute. Alone." That's a lot of talk from someone who has no speech. "Slayer," whispers Buffy. "The first," replies the primal force through Tara. "I am not alone," says Buffy, looking down at the card in her hands that shows a scene of the gang in the living room. "The slayer does not walk in this world," says the First through Tara. "I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm going to be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out and I don't sleep on a bed of bones. Now give me back my friends," orders Buffy. Whatever that means. "No friends! Just kill! We are alone!" grunts out the First Slayer, who I guess has been studying her Berlitz tapes. The cheese guy jumps between them and waves some slices at Buffy. Buffy says she's had it, and the First attacks her. They fight a bit and then Buffy says, "It's over. We don't do this anymore." In response, the First tackles her and they go rolling down a hill. "Enough!" screams Buffy, and wakes up in her living room where she's lying on the rug. Suddenly the First is on top of her, stabbing. Buffy just rolls her eyes and gets up. She says that she's going to ignore the First and that she's not the source of Buffy's power blah blah blah. She insults the First's hair and then wakes up for real. I guess the First was too insecure about her split ends to continue menacing Buffy. The rest of the gang stirs around her. Is that barbecue sauce on the table to the popcorn? What kind of freak eats their popcorn with barbecue sauce?

By Ace

The gang is sitting around Buffy's dining room table, discussing the first slayer. Giles explains that the enjoining spell must have offended the source of Buffy's powers. Buffy admonishes him for not warning them, and Giles protests that he did say there "could be dire consequences." Buffy retorts, "Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast." In both cases, Giles is correct. Joyce wanders in and wonders if she's missed something. Willow fills her in, and Joyce offers to make some hot chocolate in a delightful oh-dear-me-yet-still-nonplused tone. I surely hope we see a bit more of Joyce season. I know Buffy went off to college, but her mom lives in town, so I'm sure Buffy is home a lot, doing laundry and eating free food. Or was that just me in college? Everyone gratefully accepts. Joyce: "Xander?" Xander: "Yes. What, Joyce? Nuuuh, Buffy's mom." Joyce asks him to be her "kitchen buddy," and Xander accepts, looking as disturbed as I feel remembering his dream. Giles asks Buffy if she's okay since she looks a little glum, and she seems pensive, contemplating the source of her slayer skills. She gets up to go shower, saying, "At least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. I don't know where the hell that came from," as the rest of the gang shares a look.

Upstairs, Buffy pauses in the doorway of her old darkened room and remembers Tara's words to her: "You think you know. What's to come. What you are. You haven't even begun."