Hush

S04E10

Thanks to all the people who entered our contest, and congratulations to the winners: Freyja, Kisle, and Clue. Thanks also to Ash, who helped type after I screwed up my back. Happy holidays everyone!

Buffy is sitting in Dr. Hardass's Psych class. I'm impressed by the pretty turquoise color of the blouse Buffy is wearing; however, ignorance is bliss, and little do I know the sartorial horror that awaits me in this episode. That sentence was foreshadowing, kids, as is most of Dr. Hardass's lecture. She's droning on about communication, which is not the same as language, and about moments of inspiration. She calls Buffy to the front of the class for a demonstration. We catch a quick view of the horrible skirt Buffy is wearing: khaki, bulky, and ankle-length with seventies-style patchwork appliqués at the bottom hem. Riley stands near the front of the room, arms crossed. Dr. Hardass tells Buffy to lie down on her desk and Buffy reluctantly slides up and reclines. Her blouse is actually quite ugly, featuring an asymmetrical bottom edge and strange gathers under the breasts. But it's still a nice color. The whole class looks on as the Prof asks Riley to "oblige." He looks nervous as he approaches Buffy, and Dr. H tells him to be a "good boy." Hmm, I'm getting a strange vibe from this scene. Do you think it could be a dream? Boy, I wonder. Riley wipes his palms on his jeans and leans in towards Buffy, wrapping one of his arms around her waist. I become obsessed with the fact that Riley's hand is bigger than Buffy's whole ribcage. Sarah Michelle Gellar looks so tiny in this scene! Buffy quietly says she feels strange, and Riley says, "Don't worry. If I kiss you, it'll make the sun go down." Huh? I'm not going to touch any "going down" jokes here. They kiss as the class watches, whispering, and as they kiss the room darkens and Riley pulls away from Buffy, revealing that the classroom is now empty. "Fortune favors the brave," says Buffy, apropos of nothing. We hear quiet singing coming from far away. Buffy walks out into the hall to investigate and sees a small blonde girl holding a carved box, who sing-songs, "Can't even shout; can't even cry; the Gentlemen are coming by. Looking in windows; knocking on doors; they need to take seven and they might take yours. Can't call to mom, can't say a word; you're gonna die a-screaming but you won't be heard." As Buffy stares at the little girl, Riley approaches her from behind. He places his hand on her shoulder, but when she turns around to see him, he's turned into a corpse-like face, with a hideous rictus of a grin. Scary!

Buffy wakes in Psych class as the students around her pack up their books to leave. Willow teases Buffy for falling asleep but assures her there was "minimum drool." Sadly, Buffy's horrible skirt wasn't just part of the dream and she's still wearing it. As she and Willow exit the classroom, Buffy admits she was having an intense dream and Riley butts in, saying that she looked so peaceful sleeping in class. Shut up, Riley. He asks the girls where they're headed, and Willow makes a diplomatic exit to attend her Wicca group. As Buffy and Riley walk away bantering about her dream, Willow hides behind her notebook and spies on them. She smiles with satisfaction that their conversation is going well and heads off in the other direction. Outside, Riley asks Buffy what she's doing that night and she says, "Oh, patrolling," and then tries to cover her blunder by stuttering, "Uh, petroleum!" Riley makes a crude oil joke -- which I could extrapolate to his hair but won't -- and Buffy asks him what he's doing. He says he's grading papers. Out in the sun, Sarah Michelle Gellar's chest is looking particularly bony and I wouldn't recommend any more low-cut blouses for her outdoor scenes, okay, wardrobe people? Buffy and Riley stand very close, talking about seeing each other later, about to kiss. Right before the moment of impact, Buffy tilts her head and asks, "What papers?" requiring Riley to embellish his lie about what he's doing that night (apparently, their class only has a final). They part ways and Buffy looks disappointed.

Okay, you know that Levi's ad where the saucy invisible girl comes to see the schleppy invisible guy in his loft apartment and they "get it on"? Well, they've edited it down from the original version and they cut the part where the now-naked guy puts on his bathrobe before answering the door to find his mom. I know he's invisible and all, but that still disturbs me.

At the ex-Watcher's Tower (tm Kisle), Giles is on the phone with Buffy, jotting down the nursery rhyme Buffy heard in her dream. He tells her that the dream could have been prophetic or could just be "the eternal mystery that is [her] brain." He asks an unseen someone if he has heard of the Gentlemen and Spike comes into view, deliciously clad in a tight black t-shirt and looking through the cupboards in Giles's depressing little kitchen. Spike denies any knowledge of the group and crankily adds, "We're out of Weetabix." Giles replies, equally cranky, that Spike ate it all. When Spike demands he buy more, Giles snaps that he thought vampires ate blood. "Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood," says Spike, flopping down on the sofa, "Give it a little texture." Spike appears to be snacking on peanut butter and crackers, and I'd like to be snacking on him, because he looks so tasty in his t-shirt, tight black jeans, and battered combat boots. Giles is disgusted by Spike's dining habits and instructs him to get his own Weetabix.

Outside, Xander and Anya enter the courtyard, bickering about their relationship. Oh god -- Anya is wearing what from the front looks like an entirely reasonable, long-sleeved sweater, but a shot from behind reveals that it has no back and is just held together by a few ties. A garment like that is a crime against humanity and has no business existing. Anya is badgering Xander about not caring about her, and he jokes that she really did turn into a real girl. She doesn't take that well and demands to know what she means to him. Xander, with his greasy hair combed down over his ears, stutters, stumbles, and then tells her they'll talk it over later. They barge into Giles's house, who dryly mutters, "Thank you for knocking." Anya and Xander ignore him. "All you care about is lots of orgasms," declares Anya. Giles looks like he'd rather be anywhere than there and Spike sits up on the couch with a delighted look on his face. Xander becomes aware of their audience and remonstrates Anya about keeping private conversations private. Spike: "Go on!" Giles: "Please don't." Giles demands to know why Xander and Anya are at his house and when Xander informs him he got a message to swing by, Giles says, "I need you to take Spike for a few days." Hee hee, I love how Giles put that, like Spike is his pet dog. There's a triple "what?!" reaction from Spike, Xander, and Anya, and Spike insists that he won't stay with Xander. Giles explains that he has a friend coming to town that he'd like to be alone with. "Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?" asks Anya with a sassy head-shake. "Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said," sighs Giles. Xander declares that Spike will have to be tied up, Anya complains about the disruption of her romantic plans with Xander, and Spike exclaims, "I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away!" The conversation devolves into more bickering as Giles slumps into his chair and cups his forehead in his hand.

In the lobby of a campus building Willow sits with a group of about twelve other girls. A plain, curly-haired girl leads them in a cheesy prayer to Gaia and then declares, "I think we should have a bake sale!" As they discuss it, Curly Hair says she does "an empowering lemon bundt." Hee hee. Willow looks skeptical and uncomfortable as the other women talk about their Gaia newsletter. Willow tentatively says that the group could show an interest in other stuff, such as "conjuring, transmutation." A shy-looking blonde with a zigzag part looks up at Willow when she hears this. One of the other girls mocks Willow's suggestion and Curly Hair bitches, "You know, certain stereotypes are not very empowering." The blonde girl, whose name is Tara, tries to speak up but is interrupted, and when finally called on to speak she smiles shyly, ducks her head and doesn't say anything. As the group continue with their plans for a bacchanal Tara looks at Willow through her bangs.

Later that day Willow and Buffy are walking down a hall in their dorm. Buffy has now tied a bright red pashmina-type shawl over her bizarre turquoise blouse. Upon seeing the combination of tomato red, turquoise blue, and khaki, my trained sense of aesthetics screams out in pain and attempts to evacuate my brain. Poor thing. I promise it that after the recap we'll look at some Matisse and Hiroshige prints and it promises to stay. Willow is telling Buffy that the Wicca group is disappointing and all talk: "Blah, blah, Gaia. Blah, blah, moon. Menstrual life-force power thingy." She confirms that there are no real witches in the group and that they are all "wanna-blessed-bes." Hee. Willow looks much taller than Buffy in this scene. Maybe she's wearing platform boots or something, because I usually think of them as being about the same height. They enter their room and Willow asks about Riley. Buffy tells her that, like Willow's witch group, she and Riley are "all talk." They sit down on Willow's bed to drink sodas. Willow tells Buffy she needs "vicarious smoochies," but Buffy tells her that her and Riley's shared tendency to babble, plus the necessity of lying to him about slaying, are getting in the way. Just a side note: Willow is wearing a maxi-skirt almost as hideous as Buffy's, in moss green, with a salmon-colored velour shirt. I'm not going into any more detail because the spectacle is making me queasy.

We see Riley and Forrest climbing out of the tin-foil operating theater in the Initiative's installation; apparently, Riley has been complaining to Forrest about having to lie to Buffy. Both guys are all sweaty and are supposed to have been working out, I guess. Forrest complains about how he and Riley can't use their cool job to impress the ladies and must instead "Clark Kent [their] way through the dating scene." "Thank god we're pretty," he concludes. Riley notes that Buffy is "special" and Forrest snidely reminds him that he's stated that many times before. They enter the elevator and Riley gives his name to the vocal recognition security device.

The scene takes place at Xander's apartment, the Loser Lounge (tm Freyja), where Xander, in a tank top and boxers, is tying Spike to a chair. Spike complains about the bondage and tells Xander he wouldn't bite him. When Xander, who is climbing into bed, insists that he is indeed bitable, Spike sarcastically says, "All right, yeah. Fine. You're a nummy treat." Xander snuggles down under the cover on his fold-out sofa bed and prepares to sleep, but Spike harasses him by saying, "Xander, don't you care about me?" in a girlie voice and then calling his name.

Back at the Lusty Librarian Lair (tm Freyja) Giles is puzzling over the rhyme from Buffy's dream when he is interrupted by a knock at the door. He answers it (doesn't anyone use their peepholes?) ["I certainly would if I lived on a Hellmouth. -- Sep] and it's Olivia, whom we last saw half-naked in Giles's apartment in the first episode of this season. Olivia apologizes for being late and they chat a bit about the flight until Olivia says, "Yeah. That's enough small talk, don't you think?" They smooch and Giles removes his glasses, dropping them on top of his notes on the table.

Cut to the clock tower, where veiny gray hands place the box we saw from Buffy's dream on the table and open it. We see various scenes of townspeople sleeping with smoke-like wisps exiting their mouths, including Giles and Olivia (who are sleeping together) and Buffy and Willow (who aren't, so don't get excited). Barely audible voices whisper as the smoky tendrils return to the clock tower and come to rest in the box, which is then closed by the same veiny hands. The camera pulls back to reveal the frighteningly ugly demon thing from Buffy's dream. With its huge smile and pointy nose it looks like a cross between Mr. Burns of Simpsons fame and the demon that Buffy fought in the hospital in the first-season episode "Nightmares."

The morning at the home of The Slayer, the Witch and their Wardrobe (tm Clue), Buffy gets up and goes to brush her teeth. Back in the room, Willow in her pink and brown bizarre pajamas (Sep suggested that these pajamas are cow patterned, but I think they actually have pictures of giant hairballs or hedgehogs on them) arises and Buffy says, "Good morning." Or at least she mouths, "Good morning," but no sound comes out. She puts her hand to her throat and tries again. Still no sound. Creepy music tinkles in the background and the girls look alarmed. Buffy mouths, "Can you hear me?" but Willow can't. Willow worries that she's gone deaf. But Buffy disagrees, mouthing, "I don't think we can speak." The creepy music kicks into a higher gear as the girls open their door to reveal people in the dorm halls gesturing wildly but just as mute as our heroines.

Now we take a quick detour to Loser Lounge (tm Freyja) where Xander and Spike are realizing their predicament. Xander points at Spike accusingly but Spike, who is still tied in the chair, makes a palms-up "I didn't do anything" gesture. Xander mouths what are probably more accusations in Spike's direction and Spike gives him the British two-fingered salute. Xander at this point grabs the phone to make a call. He's probably panicking right about now so I won't make a snide comment. The phone in Buffy and Will's room rings and Buffy picks it up as both parties mouth hello before realization sets in. Spike is clearly as unimpressed with Xander's power of reasoning as I am and shoots him a "you sodding idiot" stare.

Establishing shot of Lowell House. Riley and Forrest make their way downstairs to the elevator that will take them down to the Initiative's secret Bat Cave. Now that we have a clearer view of the layout at Lowell, I notice that the elevator isn't very hidden at all. It's literally right around the corner from the lobby. The elevator descends and Forrest scribbles "it's all over town" on a little notepad, which he shows to Riley. The elevator halts as the computerized voice intones, "Vocal code not accepted. Please state your name for vocal identification." Riley leans in to breathe on the speaker real hard (nice move, Riley Wiggum), but the computer tells them that they have twenty seconds to enter a vocal code or there's going to be trouble. Riley opens a panel on the other wall of the elevator and is prompted by a LED read-out to enter an override code. Forrest looks surprised at the existence of an override code. Riley can't seem to recall the code correctly and Forrest cracks me up by writing, "Come on! Come on!" on his little notepad. The computer informs them, "Lethal countermeasures engaged," and green smoke begins to fill the elevator. As the screen goes black, Ace and Sep let out a rousing cheer. Unfortunately, Riley must have remembered the code just in time because the blackness only lasts for a second and then Riley and Forrest race out of the elevator to see Professor Hardass and two henchmen waiting for them. The Professor gives Riley and Forrest a very dry look and points to the wall behind them before walking away. We see a sign on the wall that reads, "In case of emergency use stairway." Snerk.

Tara walks into the crowded lobby of her dorm. It's disturbingly quiet until a guy drops a glass on the floor, creating a loud shattering noise. Everyone stares at him and he abashedly cleans up the mess. At first I thought the glass-dropper was Jonathan, but upon closer inspection it's merely a Jonathan impostor. If I were Jonathan I'd be pissed, because this upstart is clearly stealing his screen time. Tara walks across the lobby, gives its occupants a last look and exits out the front door.

On the streets of Sunnydale, the bank is closed but the liquor store is open and it's doing quite a lot of business. Obviously losing your voice makes you crazy as well as thirsty for booze, because we see a businessman sitting on the sidewalk hugging his knees and briefcase to his chest. Buffy, draped in another pashmina shawl, and Willow, looking like she pulled a sweater on over a pink satin nightgown, walk down the middle of the street, holding hands. Ummm, did everyone in town lost their driver's licenses instead of their voices? Personally, I wouldn't be that disturbed if nobody could speak to me for a couple of days. Besides, I'm such a big geek I'd immediately get on the Internet and talk to my e-mail friends. Buffy and Willow see an entrepreneur selling white dry-erase boards for ten dollars, and sadly enough I consider this fairly probable. Willow and Buffy look disgusted. ["I bet the deaf residents of Sunnydale are having a good laugh right about now." -- Sep]

The door opens at Fort Giles to reveal Buffy and Willow wearing dry-erase message boards around their necks. Xander and Anya are already there. Xander jumps up excitedly off the couch and Giles gets up from his desk and touches Buffy on the shoulder. Buffy glances down at Giles's desk and mouths, "Nothing?" He shakes his head as Willow excitedly grabs her message board as if an idea has suddenly occurred to her. When she shows it to Giles it reads, "Hi Giles!" (aaaaw) and he gives her a hug. Buffy picks up Giles's notes and the camera focuses on the lines, "Can't even shout / Can't even cry." She shows it to Giles, but Xander starts snapping his fingers like a madman and rushes over to the TV to turn up the sound. The newscaster tells of a laryngitis epidemic in Sunnydale. Apparently, the local authorities blame flu vaccines and the town is quarantined. We see reaction shots of the gang and a disturbed-looking Olivia, who takes another swig of her drink. Buffy shows Giles a message on her board that reads in part, "I should be in town tonight."

Cut to the Initiative, and trust Professor Walsh to have remembered the Speech control panel that came bundled with the system software on her computer. She dispatches her troops as civilians to try to keep the peace. Riley wants to know what is happening and the Fred voice tells him that they will "keep working on it."

Apparently, when you lose your voice, you also lose all hand-eye coordination, because we see that a car in downtown Sunnydale has run into a fire hydrant that is spewing water high into the air. Buffy walks down the street and catches sight of two guys fighting. Riley steps in to break it up and Buffy makes her way over. Buffy and Riley rush into each other's arms, and after making sure the other is okay they hear a noise and make motions like they have to go. They start to walk away but Riley pulls Buffy back towards him; they kiss and then go their separate ways.

It's nighttime now and the camera focuses on the clock tower so we know the scary stuff is going to start soon. The door to the tower opens and we see two sets of feet floating out. Pairs of Gentlemen float across town, accompanied by shambling loony lackeys in shredded straight-jackets and the soundtrack from any Tim Burton movie. ["Off-screen, Danny Elfman taps his foot and waits for his check to arrive." -- Sars] With their bald heads and somber frock coats, the Gentlemen remind me of something from a Charles Addams cartoon. Not the TV show The Addams Family, mind you, but the actual cartoons which inspired it.

At the Lusty Librarian Lair, something wakes Olivia and she pulls on a gorgeous blue velvet bathrobe and makes her way downstairs. I start sniveling at this point with the fear and anticipation that a diet of eighties horror movies instills. In the living room, Olivia herself looks vaguely apprehensive as she walks to the window and pulls back the curtain. She sees one of the Gentlemen silently floating by across the street. This makes her squint harder and suddenly one of the Gentlemen floats by looking right at her -- mere inches away separated only by a thin sheet of glass!! She tries to scream but without a voice the noise resembles a remarkably sharp intake of breath. I have to admit that even though I know it's coming, this scene still makes me jump every time.

More shots of the Gentlemen floating around town and scaring me. One floats towards a house with a white picket fence and another pair enters Buffy and Willow's dorm. They cruise down the halls, gesturing elegantly with their hands and grinning all the while. One of the Gentlemen indicates a door, but then waves his finger in a "no" gesture. Their Igor-like henchmen creep along behind them. Willow and Buffy are soundly sleeping in their beds. The tension mounts as the Gentlemen pass by a number of doors. The Gentlemen who seems to be the leader finally finds a door that meets his approval, and he gestures towards it with a classy hand-wave and nods his head. Inside, a college boy in flannel pajamas is asleep but wakes upon hearing a knock on his door. He opens the door to find the two Gentlemen, still grinning madly. The student's eyes bug out and he attempts to yell as he is grabbed by the lackeys and held down on the bed. He continues in vain to try to scream as the Gentlemen slowly draw a scalpel out of a black doctor's bag and then bend over to cut into him with a squishing sound.

Gap commercial. Cutting the heart of individuality right out of the American people. I'd scream, but nobody can hear.

Back at the clock tower, the lead Gentleman places a jar containing a human heart on a table. There seem to be quite a few similar jars already on the table. The Gentleman turns to his colleagues and gestures, "Ta da!" The other Gentlemen make appreciative faces, clap politely, and grin congratulations at each other. The lead Gentleman waves his hands in a modest "no, no, it was nothing" gesture.

Buffy walks determinedly down a hall in her dorm. All around her distressed students cry and comfort each other. She spots a man in an official-looking wind-breaker shooing students away from a dorm room and she slips in behind his back. She looks horrified and the camera pulls back to show us the flannel-clad legs of the boy who earlier lost his heart.

At the Ex-Watcher's Tower, Giles fetches the morning paper while Olivia works on a pencil sketch of the Gentleman she saw the night before. Giles looks at a headline that reads "Brutal Slaying Shocks Silent Community" and comes over to view Olivia's drawing. I'm impressed with Olivia's use of shading. Something in the picture and in another headline about a girl found with her heart missing gives Giles an inspiration. He walks quickly across the room and pulls a large volume of fairy tales off a shelf.

On campus, the gang gathers in Buffy and Will's Psych classroom. Giles seems to be reliving his college days as he has an overhead projector and tape player set up. He starts the tape deck playing the Danse Macabre and cracks his knuckles before placing the first transparency on the overhead projector. Unfortunately, he's placed it wrong side up, and Buffy and Willow point at the screen. The whole overhead motif cracks me up because I recall endless hours of lectures in college featuring overheads. In fact, I still see the professors in my department making numerous transparencies in the copy room. Anya sits a row further back, munching on popcorn like she's settled in for the Friday-night movie. Giles flips the transparency, which reads, "Who are the Gentlemen?" The one reads "They are fairy tale monsters" and features a funny cartoon of a Gentleman. "What do they want?" reads the screen and Willow, ever the good student, enthusiastically raises her hand and then gestures at her chest. Xander looks confused and mouths, "Boobies?" while making a weighing gesture with his hands. Buffy and Willow glare at him and then direct his attention to the current overhead, which reads, "Hearts." Anya is still munching popcorn and appears to be having a great time. Giles runs through a number of overheads that explain that the Gentlemen come to a town and steal all the voices, then shows two overheads in a row that feature gory cartoon drawings of the Gentlemen gleefully removing hearts. Buffy and Willow exchange nonplused glances, but Anya appears unruffled. Xander holds up a message board that reads, "How do we kill them?" and Buffy makes a stabbing up-and-down motion. The whole gang looks at her uncomfortably, thinking she's extolling the virtues of onanism. She rolls her eyes, draws a stake out of her bag, and repeats the gesture. The gang looks relieved. Giles has transparencies that explain that normal weapons can't kill the Gentlemen, but that once a princess did kill them by screaming. Willow gets very excited and pulls a CD out of her bag, but Giles indicates that the screaming voice cannot be recorded. Buffy writes, "How do I get my voice back?" on her white board and Giles shrugs elaborately. He puts up an overhead that reads "Buffy will patrol tonight" and has a cartoon drawing of Buffy holding a bow and arrows. Buffy looks shocked and gestures at her hips, indicating that they are much narrower than the ones on Giles's drawing. I dunno, it seems Giles dresses cartoon Buffy much better than Buffy dresses real Buffy. The gang comes up to the front of the room and Buffy inspects one of Giles's cartoons of a Gentleman.

Deep in the ground under the Sunnydale campus, Riley and his fellow commandos are suiting up for patrolling. Buffy walks slowly down a suburban street, carrying a crossbow. Riley walks across a park and then comes into view of the clock tower, where he can see shadowy figures moving about. He goes to investigate.

We see a yellow sticky note with "Willow #214 Stevenson" written on it. My sister pointed out that 214 could have been chosen to represent Valentine's Day. I would never have noticed that; my mind doesn't work that way. Tara grabs the Post-It and some other supplies and leaves her dorm room. She walks across a dark empty lawn on campus, checking over her shoulders and looking scared. Tara's outfit here looks like something a college student would actually wear, and although it's not my style, I'm relieved to not have to be looking at another fashion atrocity. She hurries along but trips and drops her stack of books. As she frantically tries to gather them up, she hears a quiet jingling and turns to see two Gentlemen cruising towards her with their asylum-escapee henchmen loping along at their heels. She leaves the books (good girl) and begins to run towards Stevenson Hall. The Gentlemen pursue her. Elsewhere, Buffy spots a single Gentleman floating towards a house, and when she moves to get a better look, one of the loony lackeys leaps out at her. Meanwhile, Tara runs down a dorm hallway pounding on doors, but although some students wake up, no one will let her in. The Gentlemen draw closer and Tara runs for the dorm stairwell. Buffy fights the lackey and his wacky companion and kills them both. She takes off running.

Riley enters the clock tower holding his taser gun and carefully begins to look around. He's attacked by one of the strait-jacketed crazy dudes and whacks him down with a telescoping stick he pulls out of his boot. Another lackey grabs him.

Tara races up the stairs and begins pounding on another door. The noise wakes Willow, who is dozing at her desk. Tara continues to pound and pound until the door is answered by a Gentleman holding a bloody heart. The two Gentlemen who were pursuing Tara come into view. Tara races down the hall and slams directly into Willow who has stepped out of her room. The girls stare in horror at the macabre, gesturing villains and run back down the dorm stairs.

Riley is still fighting off henchmen over at the clock tower when Buffy bursts in through a boarded-up window. The two battle the lackeys for a while and end up in a standoff, taser gun pointed directly at crossbow. Each recognizes the other with shock. Riley and Buffy then continue to fight the minions of the Gentlemen. Transcribing action scenes isn't my strong point, okay?

By Ace

Willow and Tara are seated in a random lounge, dishing dirt about the Wicca group. Tara's shy stuttering mannerisms are both very cute and slightly creepy. Willow asks how long Tara has been a practicing Wiccan, and we learn that Tara's been studying since she was a child because her mother "had a lot of power like [Willow]." Willow sits down for a nice snack of humble pie and reminds us of all her magic mishaps, ending with "I'm definitely nothing special." "No, you are," disagrees Tara in a somewhat odd voice that leaves me wondering about future plot developments. I have to congratulate Tara on being the only normally-dressed female in this episode, but Tara's tertiary character praise of Willow here gives me the willies.

Back at the Lusty Librarian Lair, Olivia is lying on the couch with her head in Giles's lap. He is very sweetly stroking her hair and asking if she thought this was her best visit yet. She replies that she always thought he was being "pretentious" when he spoke of supernatural happenings. "Oh, I was," says Giles sipping from his glass of wine. "I was also right." "So everything you told me was true?" inquires Olivia. Giles assures her that it was except that little lie he told about being an original member of Pink Floyd. Olivia: "Scary." Giles: "Too scary?" Olivia: "I don't know." What's that sound? Oh, it's the sound of both my heart and Giles's breaking.

Buffy is folding clothes in her room when Riley enters. The tension in the room is palpable. Riley walks over to Willow's bed and sits down. He suggests that they talk and Buffy takes a seat on her bed and agrees that they need to talk, but they just sit there awkwardly and look at each other, stringing me along until the episode. I scream, "Say something! Don't do this to me!" at the TV and realize that finally, I'm fully emotionally involved in the fourth season of Buffy. I will feel so cheated if we don't get to see this conversation.

By Ace

Back at Giles's, Giles leaves the kitchen and bumps into Spike, who pulls his "Kiss the Librarian" mug of blood out of the fridge. He vamps out and gulps the blood down. Yuck, I thought he liked it warm. Anya is sleeping on the couch and Spike kneels on the floor beside her, stacking books. Xander enters the apartment and, seeing Anya asleep with her head thrown back and Spike kneeling to her with blood on his lips, gets the wrong idea. He charges Spike and knocks him to the ground, punching him repeatedly in the face. The noise wakes Anya and draws Giles and Olivia from the other room. Anya finally gets Xander's attention, gesturing "I'm all right" as Spike points to her. Gee Xander, big man, beating up a guy who can't fight back. Xander rushes to Anya and grabs her for a passionate kiss and hug. Anya looks delighted, Xander throws Spike a "hey, sorry" glance and Spike grimaces. Giles and Olivia smile at the romantic scene until Anya makes a crude hand gesture to Xander indicating her readiness for sex and the couple leaves. Spike looks disgusted and Giles looks appalled.

By Ace

Tara and Willow race down the stairs in the dorm and close themselves in the laundry room. Willow seems to have hurt her ankle running, and she tries to push a soda machine in front of the door but collapses in pain. The lackeys pound and hammer at the door. Willow stares at the soda machine and tries to move it with the power of her mind; it wiggles a little but doesn't shift. Tara looks at the soda machine and then back at Willow and, staring at her intensely, laces her fingers through Willow's. The girls' heads turn simultaneously and the soda machine zips across the floor and blocks the door. Willow and Tara continue to hold hands and stare at each other. Suddenly I'm deafened by the intense racket caused by thousands of fan-fic writers madly typing Willow-and-Tara love stories. But that racket is drowned out by the even louder din of thousands of horny men posting to Buffy message boards, salivating about girl-on-girl action.

Riley and Buffy are still fighting the loony lackeys. One of them throws a barrel at Buffy, knocking her down. When she recovers she follows him upstairs, leaving Riley to take care of the remaining lackeys. Once upstairs, she pauses to look at the jars of hearts on the table, and one of the henchmen pushes her from behind into the arms of two others. A Gentleman brandishing a glittering scalpel floats over to Buffy and a bolt of blue lightning from Riley's taser gun strikes him in the face. Buffy gets free from the loony lackeys and she and Riley fight them. In the midst of the melee, one of the Gentlemen stabs Buffy in the back. One of the crazy guys gets Buffy in a choke-hold near the table with the hearts and she recognizes the box from her dreams. She starts banging on the clock mechanisms to get Riley's attention and in slow motion he raises his rifle and smashes something to the box. He looks at Buffy for approval but Buffy looks exasperated and pantomimes a box opening. Riley smashes the box and all of the voices fly out, and Princess Buffy lets out a rather monotone scream. The Gentlemen cover their ears with their hands and their heads explode into green goop that Joss must have gotten from the set of You Can't Do that On Television. ["Try Mars Attacks -- same gimmick, same green stuff." -- Sars] Buffy and Riley exchange a meaningful look as the scene fades out.

By Ace