Mad props to keight, owen, Linus and Ace.
Boy, I'm a little rusty after that four-week break. We start the show with the previouslys: Spike tries to bite Willow but can't; Buffy and Riley bemoan having to lie to each other; Buffy and Riley "out" each other's secret identities; Riley tells Buffy, "I guess we have to talk."
The previouslys segue into the opening scene of the show, with Buffy and Riley sitting in Buffy's dorm room just as we last saw them in "Hush." Buffy is wearing the most true-to-life college-student apparel I have seen her in so far, a boring pink shirt and faded blue jeans. She and Riley sit staring at each other, not speaking, for an extended time. Buffy looks at the ground, then at Riley, and then glances away. She finally says someone should speak before "one of us graduates." Another pause, and Riley rises from Willow's bed and begins to pace the room. He turns to Buffy and says, "What are you?" She and I both give Riley a disgusted look, and Buffy quips that she's a Capricorn. He apologizes for his tone, but explains that he's shocked by Buffy's fighting proficiency. She interrupts with some zodiac lingo and then asks who he is. Riley says he can't tell her and Buffy stands up, hands on hips, and blows his little macho secret by telling him he's part of a military organization that catches demons and vampires and hands them over to scientists who experiment on them, rendering some incapable of violence. When she asks Riley how she's doing, he looks amazed and says, "A little too well." She then gets chiffy and accuses him of only pretending to be Riley Finn, "corn-fed Iowa boy." He insists those things are true and then reminds Buffy that she's also been hiding a secret. She sits on her bed, telling him that he should have figured out her identity by now, but I guess she's putting a little too much faith in the Slayer publicity machine, because when she tells Riley she's the Slayer, he just looks blank. She repeats "Slay-er" again and gets extra snotty that he still doesn't recognize her secret identity. "Ask around. Look it up. Slayer, comma, The," she huffs. He again mentions her fighting skills and says he's a walking bruise and makes some mention of her seeing him with his clothes off that I guess was supposed to create sexual tension. It created tension in me, but not the sexual kind. Buffy claims she's suffering damage as well, but Riley disagrees. He asks what they are going to do and Buffy tells him that she thought he was a "nice, normal guy" and that she needs some space to think things over. Riley agrees, and as he prepares to leave the room Amy the rat begins to squeak wildly. The room shakes, and Riley pulls Buffy under the door frame of her closet. Riley gushes about experiencing his first earthquake but Buffy looks disturbed. My cat's earthquake sense must be broken because during her first one she gave me a "would you please just knock it off" look, and during the second she sat nonchalantly in a doorway.
In Xander's Demon Shag Shack, water drips onto Spike's orange chair and he explodes, "My sodding sleeping chair's bloody -- sodden." Xander brings over a bucket, mentioning that the quake just loosened a few pipes, and he tells Spike to get a wrench and fix it. When Spike protests, Xander calls him a "big mooch" and says he has to get to work. He dons a striped shirt as Spike sneers that Xander is employed "delivering melted cheese on bread." Xander reminds Spike that he buys the plasma, and Spike should help out around the place. Why is Spike still at Xander's, anyway? Wouldn't it really work out better for him to stay at Giles's? Xander turns his back on Spike, bitching about how he could do some laundry, and behind him Spike attempts to hit him with the wrench. He's wracked by pain, of course, and Xander leaves, unaware of his close call.
Establishing shot of Stevenson Hall. Buffy is preparing to leave the room, decked out in a mustard-yellow coat, bright orange tank, and brick-red pants. That's quite a color sense the little lady has. But to be fair, the orange color is flattering to her complexion. Willow rushes into the room babbling about having been in the library during the quake and begins to straighten up her desk. Her tomato-red skirt clashes with Buffy's pants, I'm afraid -- and the less said about Willow's yellow tank top worn under a pink cardigan, the better. Willow notices that Buffy is silent and asks if she's okay; then she mentions that the party-happy Porter Hall's power is out and the residents are throwing an Aftershock Party. Willow urges Buffy to invite Riley to the party, but Buffy declines. She tells Willow that she's going to see Giles but will see her later at the party. Willow asks Buffy if anything is wrong; Buffy says no and leaves.
Buffy is pacing in Giles's courtyard while he sits at a table examining a pile of papers. Buffy exclaims that something horrible is going to happen but Giles brushes off her concerns. Buffy, looking very pretty even though she's wearing too much blush, insists that she has good reason to be anxious, because the last time there was an earthquake in Sunnydale, she died. Giles somewhat patronizingly tells her that he understands her anxiety, but there are no other signs to indicate that the earthquake is a portent of doom. Giles sounds super-freaky in this scene, and I'm guessing it's because Tony Head had a bad head cold at the time they shot this scene and he had to dub in all his lines later. In order to compensate for his stuffy sinuses, he seems to be over-enunciating and using a more effete Brit accent than he usually does. It's quite disturbing, really. Giles changes the subject to the project he's working on: a map with push-pins detailing sightings of the masked commandos. Buffy again tries to get Giles to take her concerns about imminent doom seriously, but Giles is busy explaining his theory that the commando base is located on or near campus.
Cut to Riley and Forrest, clad in camo, walking through the Initiative's installation. Riley asks Forrest if he knows what a Slayer is. "Slayer? A thrash band. Anvil-heavy guitar rock with delusions of Black Sabbath," explains Forrest. Riley explains he meant the Slayer of the female type and Forrest dismisses the concept as a fairy tale that the sub-terrestrials use to scare their children. He mocks Riley for believing in the Slayer and teases him about the Easter bunny. They continue walking as Forrest further dismisses the Slayer as part of "that medieval folklore garbage" people have dreamed up to explain the phenomena that he and Riley face every day. They pass a tall horned demon being led in chains by two Initiative flunkies, and Riley asks Forrest how he explains the things they deal with every day. Forrest says the demons are just animals "plain and simple." Just then the demon escapes from his restraints and begins pounding on the Initiative flunkies. Riley and Forrest run to fight the demon, and the demon grabs Forrest by the neck; meanwhile, a lab-coat guy fumbles with a syringe to tranquilize the demon. Riley grabs a night stick and knocks the demon out. As Forrest recovers, the guys hear banging and thumping noises and comment that the sub-terrestrials are rattling their cages due to the earthquake.
Loud music plays and the party appears to be full swing at Porter Hall. The lights are still out and many of the students are wearing that plastic glow-in-the-dark jewelry I remember as being very popular as Disneyland after dark. The camera pans around, and we see Willow standing shyly and scanning the room for someone she knows. The camera focuses on a bone-headed "handsome" guy and at first I think it's Graham, Riley's other pal, but I'm wrong, because Willow approaches the guy and says, "Percy! Hi!" Percy looks an awful lot like Graham to me; I can see this being a problem in upcoming episodes. (For fans new to Buffy, Percy is a Sunnydale High jock that Willow tutored last season.) Percy greets Willow; the pouty brunette he was chatting with looks sulky. Willow and Percy exchange small talk while Pouty Laurie rolls her eyes and finally whispers something in Percy's ear. What a bitch. Percy makes a hasty and not very polite exit. Willow, who is wearing a paisley coat with a ratty faux-fur collar, is again left looking around the raucous party. Three students holding cups do a conga line out through a set of doors, and after they pass through, we see a demon's hand grab the door. In one of the dorm rooms, a shirtless college dude prepares drinks and shouts to friends that he's ready to do some "naked limbo." He gathers up the drinks and turns to find a huge demon right behind him. The demon claws the guy and slashes open his throat. Naked Limbo Guy drops the drinks on the ground and they get spattered with his blood.
Still at the Porter Hall party, Willow tries to look like she's having fun, but sadly wonders why Buffy hasn't yet arrived. Behind her we actually do see Graham wearing a striped sweater and chatting up a young lady. As Willow wanders through the party, she overhears Percy's pouty pal waxing jealous about his talking to Willow. Percy protests that Willow is okay, but he would never be interested in her since she's "captain of the nerd squad." Willow looks very sad. Pouty accuses Percy of having a "thing for geeks" and he replies, "Uh, no, I like my women hot," totally implying, of course, that Willow is not hot. Percy and Pouty simper at their superiority and share a congratulatory kiss. Oh, how I wish Willow could morph into her vamp doppelganger and kick Percy's ass from here to Thursday. He seems to have forgotten the last time that happened. Poor little Willow wanders off and lets herself into a dark dorm room. Sad music plays as she sighs and lies down on a bed in the room, starting to cry. Suddenly the dorm lights come back on, and we see Willow is lying in bed to the mutilated corpse of Naked Limbo Guy. She slowly turns towards him and leaps off the bed in horror. The camera pulls in for a close-up of a rune scratched in to Limbo Guy's chest.
Xander comes down the stairs to his basement pad, carrying a large pizza box and loudly bitching that the drip is even worse. "Don't turn around," intones Spike in a threatening voice. When Xander demands to know why, Spike just tells him not to look at him. Xander turns slowly, his eyes widen in surprise, the music swells and we see Spike -- clad in a Hawaiian shirt, knee-length shorts, and black socks pulled up to his calves. Xander laughs while Spike complains that he shrank his clothing. He continues to kvetch about his living conditions, while Xander continues to stress that Spike is an unwelcome presence. Spike threatens to tear the place up, and Xander goes off on a great rant: "I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one," he says, "but you're not the 'Big Bad' anymore. You're not even the 'kind of naughty.'" He goes on to say that he always enjoyed seeing Buffy kick Spike's "shiny white bum" and he knows he could do it himself these days, but that Spike just isn't worth it. Xander leaves and Spike stares after him, blinking.
At Porter Hall, EMTs roll out Limbo Guy's body-bagged corpse as Buffy enters the room. Willow is crouched on the stairs and calls Buffy over to her. Buffy indulges in a little joking self-pity, explaining that she wasn't sure where the party was until she saw the ambulances. "Death, carnage -- it's a Buffy party!" she quips. Willow says she's glad that Buffy has come and explains the she was the one who found the dead guy. Buffy makes sure that Willow is okay and then asks if it was a vampire attack. Willow's seems a bit discombobulated and mentions blood and the symbol, and then exclaims, "Percy said I was a nerd!" Buffy seems much more shocked by this news than by the death. Willow suggests that they inform Giles of the murder, and as they leave the dorm Buffy asks in disbelief, "Does Percy even go here?"
A toy basketball misses going through a toy hoop hung on the back of a door. Forrest, lounging in a chair, snidely remarks on Riley's missed shot, "You don't got game, son." Riley explains that he's thinking about something else and then asks Forrest if he thinks Buffy is cool. Obviously tired of the subject, Forrest exclaims, "Yes, already! She's cool, she's hot, she's tepid. She's all-temperature Buffy." He goes to throw the ball through the hoop and instead hits Graham in the face as he opens the door. Graham tells the guys that there's an "alpha code-blue situation" with a student at Porter Hall party. He explains he's not sure if it was a HST (hostile subterranean), and Riley tells them he's going to check out the situation, adding that Forrest should alert Dr. Walsh that they might have a situation that falls in their domain.
At Giles's, Buffy, Giles, and Xander are all gathered around Willow, who is sadly saying that Percy's comments made her feel as if she were back in high school. Xander sweetly -- and quite rightly -- notes that Percy would probably still be in high school himself if it wasn't for Willow's help. Willow then says she realizes that the dead guy is more important, and informs the gang that the corpse was propped up in bed and much of the blood seemed to have been drained out and removed from the scene. Willow is wearing a kinda strange, kinda cute black t-shirt that says "Bunny's Dog Walking Service" in pink writing and has a stylized bunny walking a dog. Hmmm. Willow can't forget the Percy incident and exclaims that she hasn't been a nerd for a long time: "Hello. Dating a guitarist. Or I was." I love Willow and all, but she needs to form her own identity outside of her boyfriends. Buffy prompts her about the symbol, and Willow pulls out a napkin on which she's drawn an eye inside a triangle. Xander notes the similarity to the CBS logo and asks, "Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?" Giles looks disgusted and walks away as Buffy notes that she seems to recall the symbol from somewhere else. Off-handedly, Giles mentions that "it's the end of the world." Buffy, Willow, and Xander: "Again?!" Buffy gives Giles a big "I told you so" and he snerks, "I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse," in another badly dubbed moment. Willow whines that they've already done the end of the world. Yes, you have, but this season there's a spinoff that sucking out all the creative talent, so we're all going to have to learn to conserve and recycle. Buffy grabs a cross-bow and says she's going to stop it. Willow's hand-drawn eye symbol on the napkin fades into . . .
The same symbol carved on the side of a mausoleum. Buffy bitches about how much time she spends in cemeteries and calls mausoleums "big, freaky cereal boxes of death." That strikes me as a line whose author couldn't bear to see it cut from the episode, but probably should have. Not because it's not funny, but because it really serves no purpose. Buffy hears noises inside and goes to investigate. Inside, a big ugly demon is removing very small bones from a very small casket and placing the bones in a sack. Buffy announces her presence, and the demon turns towards her and roars. She shoots him with a cross-bow bolt but it has little effect. They fight, and she kicks the demon out through the door of the mausoleum. He's much bigger than she is, and although she gets a few good blows in, the demon appears to be winning the fight, and throughout the fight the demon never lets go of his sack o' bones. He finally gets Buffy in a bear hug around her thighs, heaves her up in the air and throws her down back-first onto a large headstone. This is a totally realistic and painful-looking stunt that makes me gasp each time I see it. Ouch. Buffy falls to the ground panting as the demon runs away.
She hears a noise behind her and flips up onto her feet, whirling to encounter Riley. Uch. Give me a big nasty demon any day. Riley condescendingly comments on Buffy's flip, and she agitatedly asks him if he saw where the demon went. He's pretty nonchalant about the demon getting away and says, "You don't go after a demon that size by yourself." Buffy says that she does, and Riley bitchily gets out his walkie-talkie to confer with his other soldier-playing buddies. For some reason his code name is "Lilac," which might refer to the color of the sweater he has on. Buffy asks what Riley's doing there, and he says, "Duh, stalking you, silly." Well, that's what he should have said. Really, he says he was looking for her. Buffy is very distracted (end of the world to avert and all) and tells him she has to go after the demon. Riley assures her that the Initiative will get the demon, and Buffy haltingly explains that she cannot date Riley. She starts to mention dating Angel but thinks better of it, so she just tells him that he can't understand her life. Risk, doom, stress, blah blah blah. Riley is confused and insists that they like each other, so he doesn't understand why they can't date. Buffy mentions that going to high school on the Hellmouth was terrible and that he and she don't have as much in common as he thinks. She plays the Slayer card by explaining that he thinks demon-hunting is an adventure, while for her it's destiny. Sad music plays. Riley protests that Buffy "can change things," and he seems awfully sure considering that he knows nothing about Buffy and didn't even know what a Slayer was until that morning -- although, in Riley's defense, Buffy could have at least attemptedto explain it. Buffy tells him that her answer is no and walks sadly away. Riley stares after her with his jaw clenched.
The few scenes cut between the Initiative labs and the Ex-Watcher Tower (tm Kisle), with each group trying to ID the demon du jour. In case the editing doesn't drive the metaphor of art vs. science home, Giles and Buffy read some fey poetry from their book to make the contrast even more obvious. Of course, the Scooby Gang discovers that the Vahrall demon is performing a world-ending ritual that requires a man's blood, child's bones, and a ward of Valios. At the ward's mention, Giles does that head-cocking deep-in-thought thing. Over at the Initiative, Forrest explains the pheromone tracker he's invented and dispatches the troops. Then we're back at Giles's so Buffy can do the same.
Cut to the Basement of Debasement, where Spike has rigged a stake on the coffee table; after saying his good-byes to Dru, he swan-dives off the couch. He's interrupted by Willow and Xander, who have come to get supplies. "What are you doing?" exclaims Willow, but Spike tells them it's none of their business. Xander points out that it is, since Spike is about to dust his shirt, and offers to help. Trust me, Xander, he's doing you a favor there. Willow protests the ookyness of the situation. Spike mourns his lost machismo, asking, "Am I even remotely scary anymore?" To prove his point he rushes at Willow with claw hands and growling, but she just stands there and doesn't flinch. Meanwhile, Xander is loading up weapons and has changed into an unfortunate burgundy-and-tan naugahyde jacket. If that's how Xander is going to dress, I might start rooting for the Vahrall demon. Xander threatens Spike with making him sleep in the garage if he breaks anything while they're gone, but Willow says that they can't leave Spike unattended. Spike protests that he's better now, but Willow and Xander exchange a look and lead him out. As they walk through the door, Xander tells him to look on the bright side -- that if they "don't find what [they're] looking for [they're] facing the apocalypse" -- and Spike perks up at the prospect.
Buffy and Riley are walking towards each other down the only main street in Sunnydale, and I mean that literally since they're both eschewing the sidewalks. Riley is using his pheromone sensor, and as they meet up, Buffy asks him if it's "really the time for Donkey Kong?" Riley explains the device, and he looks like he wants to start a conversation, but Buffy needs to go "squish" the evil that is afoot. Riley calls her stupid and busts on her for her "doom and gloom" mentality. Buffy quips that there's "nothing more dangerous than a Psych grad student" and starts to walk away. Of course Riley isn't having it and blocks her path. He claims that, if anything, they're even better matched than most because (as two randoms walk into earshot) "you're a -- fry cook and so am I." Heh. Buffy explains that Riley is an "amateur," while she comes "from a long line of fry cooks that don't live past twenty-five." Riley caps on her for her attitude but says that despite the risks their jobs are more "rewarding" and "fun" than anyone else's. Buffy gives a shout-out to Faith, using her current comatose state as an example of what happens when you have too much "fun" on the job. Buffy tries to explain to Riley that the pressures of her job aren't something you can leave at the office, but Riley doesn't believe it. Buffy says that she's tried it his way and it didn't work out. Riley delivers a whole long speech which can be summed up thusly: "Shit happens, but you choose how to deal with it, and you can get by with a little help from your friends." He finishes with, "If you weren't so self-involved you'd see that." Okay, I think Mopey Buffy is just as annoying as the rest of you, but I really don't think it's Riley's place to make that judgment since they've only hung out a handful of times. Buffy seems to think so too, as she coldly replies, "You have no idea what you're talking about. You barely know me," and stalks off. Riley follows, accusing Buffy of wanting to wallow because it's "safer" there. Buffy takes the words right out of my mouth when she tells him that he's out of line. Riley disagrees: "We have an opportunity here, you and me, the fact that you're too scared to even give it a try --" Oh, I see. This outburst wasn't motivated by concern for Buffy, or Riley's desire for her to be happy, but by his bitterness that she decided not to date him. Talk about self-involved. Buffy: "It's my business. So why don't you just leave me alone." Riley's eyes harden and he walks off.
The scene has Willow and Xander walking outside of Sunnydale's "Historical Museum," disconsolate because they can't find the ward of Valios. Spike, on the other hand, is cheered up by the fact that he's "one step closer to melting in a sea of molten hellfire." Willow says that Spike shouldn't say things like that, and that he'll "adjust." Spike doesn't want to "adjust" and "end up like the two of you." In Spike's opinion, they should be happy to see the end of the world too, since they aren't doing much with their lives anyway. He bags on Xander for living in a basement and on Willow for losing Oz. Willow says that she sees through him, that he's just trying provoke them into staking him. Spike denies this, saying he doesn't want sympathy from "geeks more useless than [he is]." Willow says they aren't useless because they fight the good fight, and Spike corrects her by saying that, in fact, Buffy is the one doing the fighting and they are just "groupies." Xander pitches in with, "We're part of the team. She needs us." Spike: "Or you're just the same tenth-grade losers you've always been and she's too much of a softie to cut you loose." Willow and Xander have no reply to this, and Spike walks off towards the camera sporting the cutest little sadistic smile at the psychological torture he's inflicted.
Giles sits at his desk paging through a book; he comes across an illustration of the ward of Valios, which he studies intently. "Oh, as usual, dear," he mutters as he goes to a chest under the clock and unearths the talisman from a junk box. Geez, how many relics does Giles have just lying around? This reminds me of an episode of Antiques Roadshow in which a woman brought in some little bauble that had been collecting dust in her kitchen drawer that turned out to be some rare whatnot from the fourteenth century valued at approximately $75,000, and in the most deadpan voice the woman drawled, "I wish we'd found that before we lost the farm." Anyway, Giles grabs his coat, but before he gets out the door he is accosted by three horned demons, some of whom came from the back of the apartment. Might I suggest that Giles invest in an alarm system or put bars on his windows? As the camera changes to a street-side shot we hear sounds of Giles being pummeled inside.
Buffy walks in like she owns the place (I'm starting to think that at the veryleast Giles could lock the door), only to find a bloodied Giles on the couch with Willow, Xander, and Spike sitting nearby. Giles confesses that he's lost the ward of Valios as Willow hands him an ice pack, and he says that the demons are on their way to perform the sacrifice to open the Hellmouth now. He helpfully adds, "The one in the library," in case we might get it mixed up with the Hellmouth in De Smet, South Dakota. At the mention of the Hellmouth, Buffy gets a determined look on her face and says, "It looks like we're going back to high school."
Spike and the Scoobies enter the charred remains of the high school. Buffy warns everyone to be careful; Spike says that he hopes they all " go under." For some reason, Spike has jeans on in this scene, even though he was wearing shorts at Giles's. Buffy wonders why Spike is accompanying them, and Willow explains that they're on suicide watch. Buffy: "Just keep him out of the way. I do not have time for this." Okay, so maybe Riley was spot-on with his diagnosis of self-involved. The gang turns a corner and Xander steps in a gristly bit of the Mayor. Wouldn't they have cleaned all that up or finished demolishing the school by this time? Willow says she thinks the library is close by. Um, Willow? You only graduated a few months ago. I graduated yearsago and I'm sure that I could still find my high school's library even if I was blindfolded and brain-damaged.
As the camera pans along the floor of the demolished library, we hear and see the three demons circled around the Hellmouth. Willow comments on the lack of sacrifice people as Buffy runs over to the demon to kick some ass. One of them drops a clay urn, which Xander grabs. Willow snatches the bones from one of the demons while Spike sits nonchalantly on the steps. Willow and Xander play hot potato with some poor dead child's bones and Buffy takes some hard hits. Xander gets into it with a demon so Willow tosses the bones to Spike, and the demon fighting with Xander suddenly takes off and dives into the Hellmouth, leaving a confused Xander saying, "Okay, I guess I won." There's a minor earthquake which makes Xander realize that the demons themselves are in fact the sacrifice. Meanwhile, one of the demons punches Spike; fed up, Spike raises his arm, steeling himself against the pain he expects, and smashes his fist in the demon's face. Then he immediately bends over and grabs his skull in anticipation of blinding pain, but when he experiences none, realizes that he can hurt demons. Suddenly Spike vamps out and is auditioning for the upcoming Tekken Tag Tournament (the screen grabs for it look amazing, by the way), executing some pretty fancy maneuvers. Spike screams, "That's right! I'm back and I'm a bloody animal! Yeah!" as he picks up the demon. Xander and Willow warn him not to throw the demon into the Hellmouth, but Spike is drunk on adrenaline and doesn't heed their cries. Another earthquake shakes the library and Buffy, still busy with the last demon, yells at everyone to get out before the building collapses. A falling beam knocks Spike out and Willow and Xander go to help him. Buffy is struggling with the remaining demon, who has her on the ground. As he raises his fist to punch her, he's suddenly grabbed from behind by Riley. Riley and Buffy both tussle with the demon a bit, and he is knocked away from them. The demon spies the ward of Valios in the dirt, closes his hand around it, and crawls into the Hellmouth. Buffy informs Riley that she's going in, but as she turns towards the Hellmouth, he grabs her arm, attaches a Batman-esque retracting cable to her belt loop, and says, "You're coming back out." Buffy better hope that her jeans weren't made in some Third-World Gap sweatshop, because I don't think that the stitching of 12-cents-an-hour workmanship can really be relied upon to support her weight in a free-fall.
For this bit we pretty much have to disregard the laws of physics. Buffy dives into the hole as Riley feeds her more line. Shouldn't his hands be getting cut by handling military-grade cable without gloves on? We see a shot of Buffy and the demon free-falling, and then Riley feels a tug on the line and starts reeling it in. The Hellmouth begins to close and suddenly there's a red-jacketed arm reaching over the edge. Riley runs over to Buffy and we see that her other arm has a grip on the last demon. Riley helps them both up; the last demon keels over and dies. Buffy and Riley exchange A Meaningful Look.
They walk out of the library and run right into Spike, Willow, and Xander. Riley starts trying to fast-talk his way out of this; unfortunately for him, that requires fast thinking, so the best he can come up with is, "I was just passing by." Willow: "You were just passing by in your GI Joe outfit?" Riley says he was playing paintball, but Xander cuts him off by saying, "So you're one of the commando guys." Riley deflects the attention to Spike, asking if they've met. Spike says that he's just a pal of Xander's in the funniest fake Midwestern accent I've ever heard, but of course Riley doesn't pick up on it. They all file out as Willow and Xander have the requisite "doesn't everything look weird and smaller now that we're part of the big bad real world" speech. Yawn. Okay, I know I'm supposed to be indebted to Riley for saving Buffy or whatever, but I'm really pissed that he was following her. Didn't she tell him to leave her alone? I absolutely hate guys who don't think the word "no" applies to them. Add this to their driving-as-sexual-metaphor conversation, in which Riley's side can be summed up as "well, you'll like it with me," and it just makes me loathe his character even more.
Establishing shot of UC Sunnydale. Riley is in his dorm room (how many grad students live on campus?) playing foam basketball when Buffy stops by. Riley blabbers on about how "dead" he is for spilling the Initiative beans, saying, "It's the end of the world." "No, it's not," Buffy corrects him as she leans over and they -- aw, crap. Y'all don't need me to tell you and I'd rather fast-forward through it anyway. Buffy, how could you?
Willow and Xander are watching TV in the Basement of Debasement. It's nice to see them hanging out together again. Spike walks over and stops in front of the television as they, in tandem, do The Lean to try to see around him Spike: "Watching the telly while there's evil still afoot. Not very industrious of you." He switches off the box and tries to enlist them to go kick some undead ass, allegedly for the sake of "justice and the safety of -- puppies, and Christmas," but we know that he really just wants to perpetrate some violence. They stare at him blankly as the screen goes black and the last thing we hear is Spike saying, "Oh come on!"