Previously on Buffy: Buffy is overwhelmed by life at college; Buffy meets her new roommate Kathy; Buffy meets the Riley the Big Spud; Buffy goes to a Psych class taught by Dr. Walsh, the "evil bitch monster of death"; Buffy kicks vampire ass; the masked commandos make their first appearance.
We open in Buffy and Kathy's dorm room in Stevenson Hall. Cher's "Believe" is playing in the background as Kathy irons a crease into her jeans; Buffy looks on, slightly disgusted, as would I in the same situation. Kathy perkily refers to "Believe" as "super fun" and Buffy politely (but not sincerely) mentions that it gets "funner" every time Kathy plays it. She heads to her closet, prompting Kathy to inquire if she's going out. Buffy admits she's going for coffee (which I'm guessing is a cover for patrolling) and Kathy, still ironing, expresses concern that Buffy will be in and out of the room at all hours but then breezily says she doesn't mind. Very passive-aggressive, Kathy. As Buffy tries to leave the room, Kathy calls her back to peppily demonstrate a system she has devised for logging their telephone calls. Buffy dons an extremely wide smile that's just as fake and smarmy as the smile Sarah Michelle Gellar sports in her Maybelline ads; however, she agrees to the system. She again tries to leave, but Kathy again calls her back to question her about drinking some of her milk. As Buffy apologizes, Kathy again backs down and says it was okay, but it's pretty obvious that she means the opposite. Kathy hits the repeat button on her CD player, starting Cher crooning "Believe" again, and Buffy finally escapes the room. Different taste in music is definitely a realistic reason for dorm roommate conflict; particularly for first-year students. I must also admit that in my younger days I would have been none too patient with someone who ironed their jeans.
Later Buffy and Willow stroll across the dark campus, discussing Kathy's bossy nature. Hey, Buffy is wearing jeans! How normal; how collegiate. Granted, they are those short jeans edged in sari-type material, but still. Buffy hears a noise which Willow suggests might have been her gum or sneakers; they listen further but don't hear anything else. Buffy is disappointed because she's a little worked up and ready for some slayer action. She and Willow discuss Kathy and agree that college is all about making adjustments. Willow mentions that her roommate is a little difficult too and Buffy says they are "women up to a challenge." After Willow departs to see Oz, Buffy continues her patrol. The camera pans into the bushes to show a creepy, hooded demon with glowey eyes. He stares after Buffy.
As Buffy continues her walk she hears some twigs snapping. She calls for whoever or whatever to come out and face her and suddenly Kathy bounds into view. She galumphs up to Buffy and says she decided to join her for coffee; Buffy is not at all pleased that Kathy has interrupted her patrolling. As Kathy walks along, rhapsodizing about the fresh air and trees, Buffy hears a growling noise and suddenly shoves Kathy into the bushes. The demon we saw earlier attacks Buffy and they fight as Kathy kneels on the ground looking dazed. The demon runs away and Kathy emerges from the foliage, asking what happened. Buffy tells her that a mugger tried to take her backpack, and Kathy admonishes Buffy for trying to fight the guy off. Kathy then whines that her sweater is ruined and Buffy offers to take her back to the dorm to clean up. After they leave, we see two of the hooded demons lurking in the bushes. They speak some demon lingo that subtitles translate to, "She may be the one." One of the demons tells the other to follow the two girls.
The day Buffy walks through Giles's courtyard, riffling through his mail, noting that it's all boring. I'd count taking someone's mail out of their mailbox when you haven't been asked as a pretty large invasion of privacy, Buffy -- maybe you should think about that the time you start bitching about Kathy. Ahem. Giles runs into the courtyard, winded and wearing sweats. When Buffy says, "You run?" he tartly replies, "And jump, and bend, and occasionally frolic." When she questions the presence of Motorbike and Scooter magazine in his mail, he dryly replies, "Congratulations, you've found me out. I'm a mod jogger." Hee. He nicely refrains from yelling at her for nosing about in his mail. She hopes that he's not having a mid-life crisis and mentions that she's still grossed out from the last time he recaptured his youth (she's referring to the third season episode "Band Candy," where Giles shags her mom). Giles quite rightly remonstrates her for this comment and Buffy settles down to discuss business. She explains that she encountered a orangey demon with a cloak, and that Kathy was with her but didn't see anything. When Giles questions why she took her roommate patrolling with her, Buffy snarks, "Well, I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one who could make it." Giles promises to look into the provenance of the demon and then turns to enter his apartment. Buffy mentions that the courtyard is nice and then asks Giles what he plans to do that day. He starts to explain that a friend has acquired an "original Gutenburg demonography," and then realizes that Buffy has never before asked him about his day's plan. He inquires if she's feeling herself, and she shyly explains that she wants to stay with Giles until Kathy leaves for class. He expresses understanding and then begins to lecture her on trying to live with others. Buffy exclaims that Kathy is really bad; for instance, she measures all her sharpened pencils to make sure they're the same length. Giles suggests Buffy just learn to live with Kathy and Buffy declares she going to try to be a "kinder, gentler" roommate.
Back in their room Kathy sits on her bed, trying to get the dirt stains out of the sweater she was wearing the night. She looks frustrated with the task and then stares at Buffy's closet door, which has a lock on it that allows you to lock people inside. I find that very odd. She opens Buffy's closet and goes through her sweaters, finally selecting a light-blue embroidered one. Bad roommate! In college I most likely would have ax-murdered anyone I found looking through my closet, not to mention wearing my clothes without permission. Kathy notices Buffy's bag full of stakes and curiously pulls out a loaded crossbow and wooden cross. She then just shakes her head and tosses the stuff back. Why do the clothes in Buffy's closet in no way resemble her actual wardrobe? They all looked like normal outfits.
Later that day Buffy prepares to get in line at the cafeteria but notices that Kathy is standing near the end. Buffy covers her face with her tray and takes cuts in front of a tall dark-haired guy. He inquires who she is trying to avoid and she claims, "Ugly breakup." He tells her to stay in line in front of him and then asks, "Freshman, huh?" They engage in some boring banter about selecting your food in order to get the maximum from your dining card and get more money from your parents. Much to Buffy's shame, she isn't instantly turned off by a guy who suggests bilking your parents out of money and carrying casserole around in a Zip-Loc. Those are warning signs, I'm telling ya. While she's at the register, Buffy notices Willow, Oz, and Xander sitting at a table, and she tells the guy she needs to go sit with her friends. Mr. Casserole introduces himself as Parker Abrams and tells Buffy he'll see her around. Buffy watches him leave and then joins the gang. Xander tells her, "Say hi to non-college guy," and Buffy wonders why he's not on the "non-campus." Xander says he's there to check on his girls, but is also eating off Willow's plate because his parents only feed him "for a price." Willow inquires about Parker and Buffy says it was just a nice encounter. Xander and Oz extol the virtues of the "drive-by" encounter, but Willows says she thinks there was more there. Xander sweetly says, "[Parker] got hit by the Buffinator; now he's powerless." Buffy smiles, pleased, and Xander inquires what else is up. She mentions the demon from the night before and has to shoot down Xander's eager offer of help. Kathy joins the group, giggling, and nudges her way in to sit between Buffy and Xander. Buffy is outraged to see that Kathy is wearing her sweater, but Kathy, demonstrating some screwy logic, says she thought it would be okay since Buffy got her sweater dirty. Buffy exclaims that she was saving Kathy at the time; Kathy says she figured it wasn't a problem since she and Buffy are "almost like sisters now." Buffy looks irritated but says it's okay. Bad move, Buffy -- you have to nip these things in the bud. Even sisters shouldn't get away with shit like that. Kathy simpers and bites into a huge burger, dribbling ketchup on the sweater. Buffy's eyes narrow.
That night Buffy is in her room, chewing gum and bitching to Willow on the phone about what a pain Kathy is. Willow tries to make excuses for Kathy, and we see her in her room where a huge party is raging. Poor Willow gets hit in the head with a Nerf football. Buffy quickly gets off the phone as Kathy enters the room and nags Buffy about logging her calls. I'm under the impression that Willow lives in the same dorm and there's no way that would be a toll call. Kathy plops down on her bed and begins flossing her teeth. Buffy looks grossed out and takes an apple from her bag to place in the dorm fridge. She opens the fridge to see that Kathy has neatly labeled all her food with her name in block letters. Even a tray of hard boiled eggs has "Kathy" written on each and every one. ["That's when I knew she was evil. I don't trust anyone with that many eggs." --Sep] Behind Buffy, Kathy closes the window over Buffy's bed. Buffy shoves her apple onto a shelf and turns to notice that the window is shut. She opens it back up and sits on her bed. Kathy reaches for her book, which turns out to be stuck to the table with gum; she demands to know who put gum there, and Buffy sarcastically suggests, "Gum gnome?" In the battle of Buffy vs. Kathy, I'm going to have to go with stray gum being grosser than flossing. Sorry, Buffy, you lose a point. Both girls turn off their lights and huff under the covers. As she sleeps, Buffy has creepy dreams about the orangey demon pouring blood down her throat, putting a scorpion on her belly, and sucking a vapor out of her mouth. The scorpion is one of those huge black shiny ones, and my sister points out that some poor stunt woman actually had that thing crawling on her bare belly. We both squeal. I'm not too squeamish usually but scorpions are way, way beyond the pale. Once, when I was working for the evil lawyer at her house, I scooted my office chair and heard a yucky crunch. I looked down to see a squished scorpion there under the chair, right to my sandal-clad foot. I still shudder thinking about it. I wore boots to work every day after that. Buffy awakes the morning and Kathy asks, "Do you always make that noise when you sleep?"
Buffy is sitting with Giles, Oz, and Willow in the lobby of the student union, explaining her ishy demon dream. She says the worst part was waking up to Kathy staring at her, but Oz ventures that the worst part was the demon pouring blood down her throat. Willow is wearing one of her trademark ugly ponchos, this one a dingy gray with a wide-open weave. I avert my eyes and moan, "Why, why, why?" As Giles tells Buffy to interpret her dream, Kathy walks up and barges into the conversation, asking if Giles can read dreams. Buffy introduces Giles to Kathy, and Willow amends, "He's our grownup friend. N-not in a creepy way." Kathy sits down and explains the dream she had the night before, which sounds a lot like Buffy's. Oz asks if the dream contained scorpions and blood, and when Kathy, surprised, asks him how he knew, he replies, "Well, I'm a good guesser." Buffy quite bitchily says that Kathy needs to be on her way to class and when Kathy responds that Buffy must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed, Buffy replies, "And guess what? You were to it." Kathy says that she does need to go and gets in a dig at "someone" for keeping her up all night. She leaves, chirping, "Toodles!" Giles looks intrigued and starts to try to discuss Kathy's dream, but Buffy interrupts with a stream of bitching about Kathy's mooching and flossing. Willow looks confused, and Giles asks Buffy to focus on the issue at hand. He suggests that the nightmares stem from encountering the demon in the woods. A flip Buffy tells the gang that she's going to class and that they can take care of "the brain thing." Oz suggests that going to class could "also be construed as the brain thing," but Buffy says she's minoring in "Napping 101." Good luck minoring in a class. After Buffy has left, Willow suggests that they've been dealing with Buffy's evil twin and that she was almost resembling Cordelia in her behavior. Giles agrees that Buffy is acting strangely but suggests that perhaps it's just the strain of adjusting to having a roommate. He says they shouldn't be too concerned, but he looks just that.
That night a bonfire burns in the woods and one of the demons confirms that "she is the one." The other demon says that he has prepared to summon Taparrich. The demons stare into the flames and begin to chant.
The day Buffy approaches her room, only to hear Cher's mannish voice at it again. She looks apprehensive but enters the room anyway. Inside, Parker is lounging on Kathy's bed, bullshitting about "VH1 Divas." Buffy is surprised to see him, and he jumps up to say hi and hands her a box of baggies to get food from the dining hall. Buffy is about to thank him when Kathy interrupts that she and Parker were having a great time talking. Buffy is clearly jealous, and Parker explains that he and Kathy got caught up talking about hockey. He teases her about liking the violence and sweaty men as Buffy looks disgusted. She snaps at both of them about having to study and then apologizes to Parker and asks to see him again another time; she sees him out and then turns to Kathy. Kathy grouses that Buffy could have been nicer, and Buffy points out that Kathy was being nice enough for the both of them. Kathy claims she wasn't making a move on Parker and slams Buffy's window shut. Buffy puts a padlock on her closet door and bitches about Kathy ruining her sweater as Kathy begins flossing her teeth again. Buffy then opens her window. They argue, and Kathy tells Buffy that she's spoiled and that it's "share time" now. Angrily Buffy goes to the fridge, tells Kathy she'll show her "share time," and drinks straight out of Kathy's milk carton, spilling milk all over herself. Watch out, folks, because Buffy's going over the edge!
Willow (perhaps on her way to a costume party? It seems the only way to explain her '80s trailer-trash outfit of hiddy poncho over a faded, painted jeans skirt) and Oz walk down the dorm hall holding hands. Willow says she's worried about both Kathy and Buffy; she adds that she'd like to be supportive of Buffy but she has to write a paper, so Oz volunteers to keep Buffy company. Willow thanks him and says, "If you need me, I'll be --" and she opens her dorm room door to extreme noise, then finishes, "-- at the library." Oz looks curiously at Willow's dorm room and heads off to find Buffy. Oz trips me out in this scene because he's starting to closely resemble my ex-boyfriend: small stature, rumpled hair, sideburns, thrift store t-shirt, and corduroy coat. Loving Oz so much and having him look so much like the Ex gives me the wiggens.
Oz (in his corduroy coat with sheepskin collar) walks across campus. He passes a group of three people, including a petite frog-eyed blonde woman dressed in a leather duster. He pauses and turns his head back to look at her; she's also looking at him as she walks away. Wow, Oz is reminding me even more of the Ex, what with his leching at strange women on the street and all. I hope for Willow's sake that the similarities end there. Oz continues walking and doesn't notice masked commandos creeping through the bushes behind him. A short while later, Oz and Buffy are patrolling on campus and Buffy is regaling Oz with a story of her conflicts with Kathy. Buffy mentions that she told Kathy, "Oh yeah? Share this!" and then scrunches up her face, grunts, and makes a few punching motions with her hands. Oz (who I love, have I mentioned that?) says, "So either you hit her or you did your wacky mime routine for her." Buffy has to admit that she actually did neither, but that Kathy deserves it. Oz replies that "nobody deserves mime." Buffy continues to bitch about Kathy but then asks Oz why he elected to accompany her. He gives her a non-answer about avoiding homework, which she seems to accept because she's ready to start ragging on Kathy again. Oz suggests that Buffy's griping might be scaring away any demons in the area and Buffy flips out, railing against Kathy and then smashing a park bench with her foot. Oz quips about her killing the shifty bench and she snaps that something must be done. After she walks away, he agrees with her, but I don't think they are talking about the same subject.
Buffy is in her pajamas, sitting at her desk in her dorm room. She hears a snipping noise and looks over to see Kathy trimming her toenails. Little slices of toenail fly off and slo-mo onto the carpet. Buffy begins tapping her pencil on her book quickly, and special sound effects magnify the sound into booming thunder. The noise irritates Kathy and she jumps up to turn on Cher; Buffy taps the pencil so hard that it splinters and then puts on headphones to mute Cher out. Kathy fetches a hard-boiled egg from the fridge and begins rolling it on her desk; moist crackling noises ensue. Buffy's attention is riveted as Kathy begins peeling the egg. Buffy then jumps up and flounces over to her bed, shutting off the light. As she sleeps she has another dream featuring the orangey demon painting runes on her stomach in blood and sucking vapor from her mouth. Buffy wakes up the morning, looking quite shaken. She sits up in bed and we hear Kathy whimpering and then starting awake.
Later Kathy is bending Willow's ear in a hallway in Stevenson, recounting Buffy's many sins. Willow suggests that Kathy should talk to Buffy about this stuff, but Kathy says that Buffy is way too touchy and "not quite normal." Willow looks extremely uncomfortable, and behind her we see Buffy heading towards them. Willow and Kathy both notice Buffy, and Kathy quickly leaves. Buffy jumps on Willow, demanding to know why Willow was talking to Kathy; Willow tells her that they just need to deal with their respective sucky roommates, and Buffy says she's been thinking, and she plans to kill Kathy, but it's okay because she's evil. Willow looks astonished; she suggests that Buffy just get a new roommate. Buffy whips a out a Zip-Loc baggie, telling Willow that it contains "evil toenails." Okay, Crazy, but that's not quite the purpose Parker had intended for those bags. When Willow mocks Buffy's zealousness, Buffy claims to have measured the toenails the night before and again this morning and that they grew after being cut. She explains that this is a sure sign that Kathy is a demon. Willow patronizes Buffy, saying she understands now but Buffy should discuss things with Giles before going further. Willow offers to stay in the dorm to watch Kathy while Buffy goes to Giles's house. As soon as Buffy departs, Willow calls Giles to prepare him for Buffy being "not bitchy crazy -- more like homicidal-maniac crazy."
Buffy enters Giles's house and calls out a hello, but no one answers. As she advances into the apartment, a net drops onto her, and Xander, Oz, and Giles race out to tie her up. Giles tells her he is trying to prevent her from making a mistake, and Buffy demands that he looks in her bookbag to examine Kathy's demonic toenails. Buffy continues to prattle about Kathy's evil habits of ironing her jeans and playing love songs all the time. She insists Kathy be destroyed and Giles speculates that the orangey demon has somehow possessed Buffy. He leaves to get supplies for a spell that will make the demon reveal itself. Buffy pouts and glares.
Willow knocks loudly on Kathy's dorm room door and enters to suggest to her that she and Buffy avoid each other for awhile. She urges Kathy to get out of the room before Buffy gets back. Kathy is incensed at the suggestion that she leave and tells Willow that she thinks Buffy is insane and should be locked up before she hurts herself. Willow defends Buffy, saying that she's just going through something. Kathy flounces over to her bed and begins to drone on about Buffy's "shifty little eyes." Willow looks terrified by Kathy's creepiness and then jumps when the telephone rings. It's Oz on the other end, letting her know that Buffy is at Giles's. Willow then tells Kathy to stay put in the dorm room and beats a hasty retreat.
Back at Giles's, Oz and Xander watch Buffy, who is bitching them out for not believing her. Xander says the ropes might be too loose and Oz suggests they go and check them. Xander laughs hysterically until he realizes Oz was serious. They gingerly approach Buffy, noting that they should avoid her legs, but Buffy has worked her hands free and clops their heads together. The boys lie on the floor, sweetly unconscious.
Buffy enters her room and stares down Kathy. They approach for a face-off, agreeing that they need to "talk." Buffy kicks a wrinkle into Kathy's throw rug, and Kathy whacks her hard across the face. Buffy stares at her and they begin grappling, digging their fingers into each other's hair. Buffy pulls Kathy's face off, revealing her to be one of the orangey demons with glowey eyes! "I knew it!" exclaims Buffy just before the growling Kathy knocks her to the floor. Meanwhile, out in the woods, the other demons chant around their fire and suddenly dirt blows up from the ground and another hooded demon -- I'm assuming it's Taparrich -- arises from the earth. "Where is she?" he demands. As Buffy and Kathy fight, Buffy exclaims again that she knew Kathy was a demon; Kathy tells her to shut up so she can finish her ritual. At some undisclosed location that I'm assuming is the magic store, Giles is reading about a demon ritual that requires the forced ingestion of blood. Both he and Buffy now realize that her dreams were real. Kathy explains to Buffy that she left her demon dimension to attend college, but other demons were sent after her. Giles reads further that, while demons like Kathy can assume any form, they will always be recognized by others of their kind because they have no soul. Kathy tells Buffy that she's borrowing her soul to avoid detection, and that the demons will take Buffy instead of her. In that case, can anyone explain to me why Kathy volunteered information to Buffy and Giles about having a "dream" similar to Buffy's? ["Maybe because she had Buffy's soul, and therefore responded the way she thought Buffy would have? Just a thought." -- Sars] They fight some more, and Kathy seems to be doing quite well. She knocks Buffy through her closet door and says, "It's share time, Buffy!" She drags Buffy out of the closet; Buffy wraps her blue sweater around Kathy's neck, but Kathy just rips it off and they continue to fight.
Oz and Xander slowly regain consciousness on Giles's floor and Xander groans, "Oh, why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self-respecting bachelor?" Willow runs in, saying that Kathy is acting strange, and then notices that Oz and Xander are a little worse for wear. She helps Oz up off the floor and then grabs the phone to warn Kathy. (Speaking of phones, Kathy is at this moment whipping Buffy across the face with the phone cord and screaming that Buffy should have followed her system for logging calls.) Willow gets no answer and hangs up the phone just as Giles bursts in. He declares that the toenails not only keep growing but also regenerate if destroyed. He then notices that Buffy is missing and says they don't have much time. He explains that Kathy has been stealing Buffy's soul and moves Xander away from the table so he can begin performing a ritual. Willow expresses chagrin at not taking Buffy's bitchy rants seriously, and Giles explains that he is going to restore Buffy's soul; Oz and Xander leave to see if they can help Buffy in person.
Back in the dorm room, Kathy throws Buffy onto her desk, and Buffy stomps on Kathy's carefully sharpened pencils. She knocks Kathy into a set of shelves and things crash all over. Outside in the hall, another dorm resident tells Buffy's And Kathy's closed door to keep it down. Kathy throws Buffy at the window and it breaks; Buffy almost falls out, and Kathy snidely tells her that the window is now open they way she wanted. Giles continues his spell. Kathy attempts force Buffy's mouth open so she can finish stealing her soul but Giles finishes his ritual before she gets the chance, and Buffy's soul streams out of Kathy's mouth and back into Buffy's. No sooner does Kathy collapse beside Buffy, confused as to what happened, when Taparrich appears from out of a whirlpool on the floor. He addresses Kathy in their demon language as she attempts to hide her face from him. He tells her she's in a lot of trouble and to not "take that tone with me." Kathy protests, "I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900?" Xander and Oz burst into the room but stop short when they see Angry Demon Daddy. He growls at them but tells Kathy he's taking her home. He waves his arm and opens a whirlpool on the floor; Kathy is sucked into it, and he follows. Buffy, Oz, and Xander stare at each other in shock and relief. Well, at least now we have proof that people who iron their jeans are evil, soulless creatures. ["Duh." -- Sep]
The morning, sunlight streams into Buffy' room. Alterna-music plays as Buffy oversees Willow hanging a Dingoes poster on Kathy's former side of the room. Buffy is wearing a stupid kerchief and eating a sandwich. Willow apologizes for not believing Buffy, and as Buffy helps arrange Willow's books she replies that Willow is forgiven and that the soul-sucking was making her "no-fun Buffy." She continues on about how she thinks she's easy-going as Willow grabs her sandwich and says, "Are you going to finish this?" right before she bites into it. The camera closes up on Buffy's eyes as they narrow into a glare.