The Harsh Light Of Day

S04E03

Thanks to Ace, Owen, Ash and all the Mediarama Buffy fans.

We open with a shot of Dingoes Ate My Baby playing at The Bronze. Oz has apparently mastered more than three chords, because the band doesn't sound terrible. Devon is wearing a T-shirt which exposes his navel and it might be sexist of me to say this, but I just don't think guys should do that. Willow and Buffy are sitting at a table watching the band when Willow points out Parker Abrams playing pool. She comments on the fact that Buffy is keeping her eyes on her own table and tries to tempt Buffy to look saying, "he looks so cute in green." Buffy corrects her, that Parker is wearing teal and she's watching him in the mirror. The camera closes in on said mirror and I don't see Parker but Xander playing pool. Oh wait, it is Parker. He just looks exactly like Xander. I wonder how Xander is going to react to seeing Buffy, his crush bunny, dating his doppelganger. Sort of like on Friends when Rachel went out with Russ. Willow wonders why Buffy isn't going over to talk to Xander, I mean, Parker. Buffy, it seems, doesn't want to crowd him. So let me get this straight. Saying "hello" is crowding, but spying through the mirror is okay? Fortunately Parker comes up behind Buffy and offers to walk her back to her dorm since the area isn't very safe. He rests his hand on her shoulder, and this draws my eye down to Buffy's blouse, which a moment ago I was happily ignoring. Jesus, Buffy's looking like the Rosarita refried-bean lady in another off-the-shoulder blouse. I'm phoning the Fashion Police and sending them right over to the Buffy set with a cease-and-desist order on all off-the-shoulder ruffled blouses. Buffy and Parker leave together and Buffy flashes a very cute smile over her shoulder at Willow and Oz.

Willow, Oz, and Devon are loading the equipment into Oz's van. Willow is carrying a guitar case, which is a nice detail, but according to Ace, from the way she's carrying it it's obviously empty. Oz and Devon discuss their Buffy-Angel crossover-event-inspired trip to L.A. for a gig. Willow is wearing the most hideous coat, which has what appears to be an entire sheep trimming the cuffs, collar, and bottom. If this is what Willow chooses to wear these days, maybe her mother should still be dressing her. Oz and Devon go back inside to grab more stuff and a blond girl approaches Willow, calling her name. Willow turns around to see Harmony, who we last saw as vampire kibble during graduation. Gee, I wonder how she managed to get away? Willow and Harmony banter back and forth about their summer vacation. Harmony wanted to go to France but didn't get to go. I'm having trouble paying attention to the dialogue in this scene because Harmony seems to have something stuck between her teeth and it's very distracting. Harmony says that Willow hasn't changed a bit and Willow, being polite, says, "You neither." Harmony disagrees, saying she has changed "a little," and vamps out. Well, knock me down with a feather, I sure didn't see that coming! Harmony launches herself at Willow and begins to feed. I hate to nit-pick, but I can't believe Willow would not know that Harmony was dead. Sunnydale is a small town, the tragedy at graduation would have been in the local paper for weeks.

By Sep

Credits. Giles in leather, sporting a chain saw? I can dig.

Oz rescues Willow by prying Harmony off her with a mike stand and holding her back with a cross. Harmony sneers at Willow about hiding behind her boyfriend and starts singing, "My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble. Hey now, hey now, my boyfriend's back." Well, not really, but that's the gist of what she said and I was in the mood for a little musical interlude. As Harmony flees, she reveals the most revolting outfit I've seen on a vampire yet: red pants, pink tank top, and a red shirt that, against all the immutable laws of fashion in the universe, is tied in the back. If just being a vampire weren't enough to get a girl staked in these parts, that outfit would seal the deal.

Cut to Buffy and Parker "Xander 2: Wrath of Xander" Abrams walking down the street. Parker notices the scar on Buffy's neck, which she got from Angel feeding off her to counteract Faith's poisonous arrow. Buffy says that she got the scar from an "angry puppy," and I wish Angel were around to hear that description so I could see which of his two facial expressions he would use. Actually, I take that back. Good-bye and good riddance. Buffy tries to instigate a game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" and asks if she can see any of Parker's scars, but he evades by saying all of his scars are psychological. To me, this would be a big clue to call it an evening, but Buffy presses him, and he mentions that his father died last year. Buffy stammers out an apology and Parker cuts her off saying that he's okay with it. Furthermore, he's not doing the sympathy thing. He says that he hates guys who are "dark and brooding so give me love." Me too. Especially if the brooder is Angel, whose attempts at emoting left me wondering if he'd run face-first into a wall right before his scene. Buffy and Parker take a seat on a bench in front of a random eatery and talk about how important it is to "live for today." I agree with Parker that most of the people who adopt that as their philosophy are just hedonists looking for "an excuse to goof off and not study for finals." The close-ups on Parker are beginning to frighten me because his eyeballs have too much white in them. Also, they bulge. So Buffy asks Parker what he's going to regret not doing today, only the way she says his name makes it sounds like "Pucker." His big regret is being too nervous to ask Buffy to some stupid frat party tomorrow night. Buffy answers in the affirmative before he's even finished and since the party is tomorrow we learn that Buffy is no Rules girl.

By Sep

Xander is shelving books for Giles in his spare time. You know, that slim chunk of time that isn't consumed by hanging out in his parent's basement. He complains that he doesn't understand Giles's "crazy system" of filing. Giles points out that he is using the esoteric alphabetical system. Heh. ["Giles and Xander hanging out? The unemployed guys' club, or a tidbit for the Xander/Giles slash crowd?" -- Ace] Anya's arrival interrupts them; Anya mentions that Giles "should really lock" the door. Giles dryly replies, "Believe me, I am kicking myself." Hee hee. Giles: 1, Anya: 0. Xander walks over and for the sake of exposition says, "The last time I saw you, [sic] fleeing in terror. How'd that work out for you?" Instead of answering, Anya announces that it's Xander she is here to speak with. For some reason she directs this comment towards Giles. Giles makes no move to give them some privacy and Anya tells him to "go away" with her characteristic bluntness. Giles continues to stand there like a jealous boyfriend so Anya grabs Xander's hand and drags him outside. Jeez, Giles, possessive much?

Once out in the courtyard (which strangely resembles Melrose Place. I wonder if they got a good deal on their old sets?) Anya fires off a "where is our relationship going?" question at Xander. Xander shakes his head as if he's trying to make his ears hear something different than what she just said and stammers, "Our what? Our who?" Anya persists, asking, "What kind of relationship do we have and what is it progressing towards?" and cites Prom as her evidence of a relationship. Xander is still trying to make sense of this whole thing as he reminds her that Prom was their one and only date, and that their second one was "called on account of snake." Xander then mentions Anya's former career as a man-torturing demon, although he admits that it's "as much my issue as it is yours." Anya tries a different tactic, moving closer to Xander and telling him that he is naked in her dreams. Xander quips, "If I'm in line at the Wal-Mart I've had the same one." Anya starts channeling a lawyer, saying, "Then I can assume a standing Friday-night date and a mutual recognition of Prom as our dating anniversary?" ["What has Anya been watching, The Patty Duke Show?" -- Ace] Xander tells her to come to a screeching halt and lets her in on the little secret that these things have to "just happen." Anya asks how, and Xander replies (big surprise) that he doesn't know.

Buffy and Parker (and I typed "Xander" there at first without even realizing it) are in the hall in front of her dorm room, making pre-kiss small talk. Just as they lean in, Willow (holding her neck) and Oz come running towards them. I hope Willow bleeds all over that awful coat and has to get rid of it. They tell Buffy they need to talk to her about Harmony, who is "paler" since her summer vacation. It finally dawns on Buffy that Harmony has been changed into a vampire, and she dismisses Parker. I just wish it were permanent. As Oz dresses Willow's wound (aw), Buffy remarks that Harmony must be "dying without her reflection." Heh. Some throwaway dialogue about Harmony's potentially mythical boyfriend so Buffy can comment that he "must be, like, the most tolerant guy in the world," which leads us to the scene.

Harmony approaches a figure who is trying to drill through a wall with some sort of power tool: "Hi, baby. I'm back." purrs Harmony in his ear and as that masked man removes his mask we see that it's Spike. Huzzah, it's Spike! As Owen said, "I'd even watch a Buffy-Boy Meets World cross-over event for maximum viewing time with Spike."

The camera pans down underground from a street-side shot, as if Sunnydale were a giant ant farm. Spike is leaning on a table discussing blueprints with a vampire who seems to have been a structural engineer. Spike wants to make certain that Brian, the other vampire, is sure that they are tunneling in the right spot, and to get his point across he slams Brian's head onto the table and pins him there. Harmony bounces up and starts whining at Spike about killing Willow, and he reminds her that he is there incognito so he's not going to trumpet his presence to the world by killing the slayer's best friend. The whole point of the rest of this scene: Spike finally agrees to take Harmony somewhere tonight, but Harmony is so annoying that I'm not even going to bother with the details.

Cut to the party. We see Buffy and Parker making the rounds amidst shots of general revelry. There's a guy juggling beers, who I think must be missing the point of college parties if he's still coordinated enough to juggle. Buffy and Parker almost run into Spike and Harmony who are supporting a very drunk (and neck-bitten) boy between them. They exchange pleasantries or whatever you call pleasantries that aren't pleasant. ["'Unpleasantries'?" -- Sars] Harmony sniffs, "Nice outfit. Last year." Like Harmony is one to talk. I guess it's true what they say about vamps and mirrors, because Harmony is wearing what appear to be leg warmers on her arms, a black tube top, and a shiny bubble-gum pink skirt that is so tight I don't see how she can walk in it. Buffy asks Spike if his involvement with Harmony is due to a lost bet, and Spike takes that opportunity to throw the drunk boy at Buffy and Parker so he can turn tail and run. We don't see what direction Spike takes off in, but Buffy tells Parker to stay there and runs out to the front of the frat house. She very cautiously approaches a bush, stake in hand -- with good reason. Spike is lying in wait for her. He punches her as they engage in fisticuffs and light back-and-forth banter about the circumstances surrounding Spike and Dru's most recent break up. Harmony has managed to catch up with them by this time (dammit) and she very helpfully informs Buffy that Dru dumped Spike for a fungus demon. Spike snarls, "Harm" and turns his back on Buffy to tell Harmony that they are going and that it "isn't time yet". Harmony says, "Yeah, but as soon as we have the gem of Amara --" as Spike growls at her and hustles her away before she can give away any more plot points. Now, I like Spike. I really, really want him to be a part of this show. But it would be nice if Buffy actually tried to kill him in this scene, especially since his back was turned toward her for a goodly amount of time.

By Sep

The camera pans around Xander's apartment, er, his parent's basement, and a ladder comes into view with Xander, never one to be accused of taste, on top of it hanging up a disco ball. We hear a knock at the door and it turns out to be Anya. Hey! She learned to knock! She asks Xander if they can talk some more, and he says sure and offers her Cranapple. As he bends down to get some out of the mini-fridge, the camera follows him and practically goes up his butt. While I question the wisdom of this shot, the camera pulls back behind Anya's legs as she drops her dress. As Xander turns back around, he applies too much pressure to the juice box, and it spurts juice everywhere. It looks like the juice squirts out almost before Xander turns fully around, and I hope for Anya's sake that isn't any sort of metaphor.

By Sep

Cut to Buffy on a pay phone to Giles giving him the lowdown on the Spike-and-Harmony situation. Giles tells Buffy that the gem of Amara doesn't exist and that it's basically the undead Holy Grail. He promises to do more research on the subject. Good thing for him, because he must be pretty bored. Other than the chippy in the first episode we've never seen what the unemployed Giles does all day (or all night).

Spike and Harmony have sex. I can't comment on this scene because I'm too young to watch such things. This is one of those scenes that makes me say, "I can't believe this show is on at 8 PM." ["7 PM where I live!" --Ace] Oh yeah, shirtless Spike = yum.

We're back to Anya trying to convince Xander to sleep with her so she can get him out of her system. In her words to Xander, "I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively. I'm thinking face-to-face for the event itself." Well, gee, when she puts it like that, who could say no? Xander is flabbergasted and unable to complete full sentences. Anya closes in on Xander with a sultry look in her eyes. Xander surprises both him and me by saying that sex should be meaningful and about "accepting consequences." Anya chirps that she has "condoms -- some black." Anya still isn't taking no for an answer, and she instructs Xander to "please remove your clothing now." Right before they kiss Xander remarks, "Amazing thing. Still more romantic than Faith." They are interrupted by the ding of the washer and Anya reminds Xander that it's time to add the fabric softener. Aw, Xander values romance -- and soft laundry. And is it just me, or is Anya getting some of the best lines?

Back at the party Buffy looks for Parker. Parker says that he was beginning to worry. Parker asks if he "could get a dance with the prettiest girl at the party?" Buffy dead-pans, "And what'll I do? Just stand here and watch?" Heh. While they walk the three steps to the dance floor, we get a closer look at Buffy's second hiddy shirt of this episode. This monstrosity looks like someone took a piece from the scrap pile and tried to make a whole shirt out of it. Parker and Buffy start to slow-dance, and I must say that this music is not very frat-party-like. It's also either the longest song ever or Buffy and Parker had the shortest dance ever, because the song is still playing as we see them sitting on a couch and blathering on about choices. They kiss. It's hard to watch Parker objectively, knowing he does what he does later. He really is manipulating her terribly. Buffy and Parker have been magically transported back to Parker's room as they continue to kiss and begin to disrobe. Parker must have the CD, because the same song is still playing. Cut to Giles apartment. Hey! He's playing that song too! Gee, I thought that whatever he was playing in "Band Candy" was more his style. Giles attempts to phone Buffy, but since she's at Parker's "making a choice" ["Is that what the kids call it nowadays? -- Ace], he gets her machine and tells her to ring him back right away. More cheesecake shots of Parker and Buffy "making a choice."

we see Harmony writing "Spike loves Harmony" on a sleeping Spike's back. Spike wakes up and is mean to Harmony some more. Why is Spike dating her? Why? If he's too chicken to break up with her then he's going to be stuck with her forever. ["And why the hell should a vampire, of all people, be chicken to break up with his undead girlfriend? It's not like he has a conscience." -- Ace] When I find myself with a tedious boyfriend and I'm too lazy to take action, I can at least hope that he'll die or something, but since Spike is dating immortals he doesn't have that option.

Cut to Buffy walking into her impossibly large dorm room and still tying up the back of her shirt. Wouldn't she have finished dressing at Parker's? Giles is on Willow's Mac; since when does he have a truce with computers? Buffy doesn't notice Giles is in the room at first and is very flustered when he speaks up. Willow is gesticulating wildly behind Giles's head and Buffy, trying to interpret Willow's hand signals, manages to stumble over every third word and finally convey that she was at the library studying -- all night. Giles casts a look of extreme doubt in her direction as Buffy does a 180 and gives the requisite "I'm an adult now blah blah blah" speech. Giles is nonplused and goes on to tell her that he's found out that the gem of Amara is quite real and is hidden here in Sunnydale. Buffy dispatches Giles, and the moment the door shuts behind him, Willow skips over to twitter with Buffy about Parker. Honestly, Willow seems more excited about it than Buffy. ["Much more excited. Was Parker that bad in bed?" -- Ace]

Spike is in his tunnel drilling and excitedly yells, "It's here!" All the other vampires run in to look up at a tiny hole in the ceiling while Spike goes over the new rules. He tells Harmony that she's an "indoor kitty now." Heh. Harmony, in her lilac corset and ice blue pants, starts blubbering about being house-bound and wanting to go to France again. Spike throws down the shovel with a clang as the other vampires start grumbling and shuffle out. I guess they're as sick of Harmony as I am. Spike sets Harmony straight, ending with, "And by the way, I would be insanely happy if I heard bugger-all about sodding France!" You and me both, buddy. Harmony whines, "I don't know why I let you be so mean to me." and Spike replies, "Love hurts, baby." If this was a normal relationship I'd say Spike was awful and in the wrong, but they're both evil, soulless creatures of the night, so what can you do?

Welcome to the musical-montage portion of tonight's episode. Buffy shows Harmony's picture to various students, and checks her messages a lot. Spike spends time with his favorite tunnel, which, by his own admission, is not Harmony. A ponytailed Buffy checks her messages a lot, stares soulfully at the phone, and then slumps dejectedly onto her bed.

Spike has finally drilled a hole big enough for him to climb through into the chamber above, which appears to be some sort of crypt. Harmony follows him asking if she can share the wealth. Spike is preoccupied with donning a large pendant that he assumes to be the gem of Amara. Behind him, Harmony has somehow managed to locate a gaudy rhinestone tiara belonging to Miss Tennessee 1983, although I thought this chamber had been sealed for centuries. She starts prattling on about how Spike doesn't look any different. Spike crosses the room towards her and tries to pick up a cross, but it burns him. Uh oh! That's obviously not the gem of Amara he's wearing! Harmony suggests selling the pendant and then blah blah blah France blah blah. Spike has finally had enough of Harmony, breaking off part of an old armoire and trying to stake her, but Harmony doesn't turn to dust and the wound just closes up again. She pummels him on the chest rather ineffectively, and as she does, Spike spots the gem of Amara set in a ring on her finger. Oh wait! I know what's happened. They've been pronouncing it wrong the whole time. It's really the gem of Amaya, and that's what has been making Harmony act so disgustingly clingy and whiny, right? Right? ["But Sep, she was that way before she put on the ring!" -- Ace] So Spike tries to burn Harmony with a cross just to make sure the ring is really what he's been looking for, and then he practically rips it off her finger. Harmony pouts some more and Spike says he's going to go play outside. He drops down through the hole in the floor and we cut to . . .

Giles's pad. Oz is thumbing through a box of records and declares that he is either going to borrow them all or move in. ["I know band guys like this. I've dated band guys like this. Oz's characterization is spot on." -- Ace] Excuse me while I make a mental note to dedicate my few paychecks to the acquisition of vinyl. Xander finds a TV and starts giving Giles a hard time about it. As Giles starts nattering on about public television, the gang ribs him gently, except for Willow, who suggests that perhaps it's a broken TV, merely there for artistic purposes. Xander puts the kibosh on that theory as he switches the set on and starts watching a news program. Giles testily mentions that TV isn't going to be of any help. Au contraire, mon frere. The news is covering a cave-in in Sunnydale and lists tunneling as the most probable cause. This causes Giles and his big brain to exclaim, "Spike! Let's go!" Everyone files out except for Xander, who is engrossed in the TV and doesn't notice everyone is gone until Willow comes back for him.

Buffy is strolling through campus and we see Parker putting the moves on some other girl by giving her that same sob story about his father. Buffy approaches Parker and he introduces her to "Kathy," then tries to get rid of Kathy as quickly as possible. Buffy tries to talk about Parker not calling without seeming desperate. She fails. She asks if they can hang out, and Parker responds, "Absolutely." Since this is what he said to her right after they slept together, Parker must be using an alternate definition of "absolutely" that I'm not aware of. For the rest of this scene, Parker acts like a jerk and Buffy seems to have left her spine at home. Buffy just doesn't get that she got played, poor thing. When he says he "thought that things were pretty clear" I'm officially ready to see him die a nasty horrible death. He wasn't straight with her at all. The moral of this story? Discuss your sexpectations beforehand. ["Alternate moral: like high-school boys, college boys will say what they have to say in order to get a leg over." -- Sars]

A voice from off-screen intones, "Well, that was pathetic." I nod my head in agreement and Buffy turns around to see Spike, who punches her hard enough to knock her into a commercial break.

When we come back from commercial, Buffy is still on the ground. Spike goes on about what an exciting day it is for him with the "sun beaming down in a nice, non-fatal way." This spurs Buffy to action. Buffy grabs a stake and they go at it! After a few misses, Buffy stakes Spike and connects but he just grabs her hand and says, "Oh, do it again. It tickles in a good way." Buffy shows us how she earned that high SAT score as she observes that Spike must have the gem. Spike knocks Buffy down again and says, "The gem of Amara. Official sponsor of my killing you." Spike vamps out and lurches threateningly towards Buffy.

Giles, Oz and Willow have found the crypt. Harmony is annoying. That is all.

Xander is attempting to beat down the door to Buffy's room. She's obviously not there since she's getting her ass kicked outside by Spike. As Xander turns to leave he runs into Anya who is looking for him. Why would Anya be looking for Xander on campus? How does she know where Buffy's room is? He tells her that he doesn't have time and rushes off, leaving her looking quite crestfallen. To be fair, I think Xander could have mentioned that Buffy was in terrible danger or something. It would only have taken an extra second.

Giles questions Harmony. Harmony is whiny and doesn't provide much information. That is all.

Buffy and Spike are fighting in broad daylight, in the middle of campus, with not a soul around. Yeah. Right. It's quite a vicious fight too, with Spike using Buffy to break a glass table and then slamming her against a metal pole. Xander creeps around the corner to find them and tries to apprehend Spike. Spike is having none of it and throws Xander against a metal light post that reverberates in a way that makes me cringe on the couch. Buffy seems to have hurt her arm and is cradling it with her other hand when Spike starts in with the psychological warfare as he taunts her about Parker. Smart Spike for noticing that Buffy is a much less effective fighter when she's in emotional turmoil. But Spike makes a fatal mistake by bringing Angel into it, saying, "Whatever. Guess you're not worth a second go. Come to think of it, someone else told me as much. Who was that? Oh yeah, Angel." Ouch. This is just the figurative kick in the pants Buffy needs, because she begins to fight with renewed vigor. Since Angel is no longer in Sunnydale, is it too much to ask that he stop saving Buffy even in a tertiary fashion? Buffy manages to throw Spike over a concrete structure and twist his arm behind his back. She notices a ring on his finger and quickly deduces that it's the gem. Spike, in a last ditch effort, says, "Take it this way and we both burn." Buffy calls his bluff as she removes the ring. Spike immediately starts to catch fire and drops down a conveniently placed manhole.

By Sep

A voice from off-screen intones, "Well, that was pathetic." I nod my head in agreement and Buffy turns around to see Spike, who punches her hard enough to knock her into a commercial break.

Giles, Oz and Willow have found the crypt. Harmony is annoying. That is all.

Giles questions Harmony. Harmony is whiny and doesn't provide much information. That is all.

By Sep

Giles's apartment. The Scooby Gang is discussing the fate of the ring. Buffy decides to give it to Angel, and Oz offers to take it to him in Los Angeles, thus segueing neatly into the Angel crossover portion of tonight's "event."

Buffy and Willow are walking around campus at night, discussing Parker. Willow comforts Buffy, and Buffy glumly wonders if every guy she sleeps with is going to turn evil. Might I suggest that Buffy not sleep with any more vampires -- physical or emotional? Buffy hopes that she and Parker can still work things out. Buffy! Where is your spine? I know you have one, we just saw Spike almost sever it six ways to Sunday. I think Willow needs to explain the Poophead Principle to her in greater detail. Buffy decides to spend the night in her mopey little world as she walks off alone to think.

Now we come to the final scene, which is probably supposed to be poignant but just comes off as heavy-handed. Buffy, Anya and Harmony are all walking in the same frame, sulking about their respective men. None of them looks up at the sound of a thousand anvils crashing down on my living room floor.