This recap is 100 percent Spike-free. Well, except that I just mentioned him, so let's call it 99 percent Spike-free. Oops! I keep doing that. No more mentioning that guy. This recap is 98 percent that-guy-free.
Pan down across the front of the Sunnydale Cinema, where Le Banquet D'Amelia is showing. A happy cuddly couple exits the theater, followed by Buffy and Angel, who don't look happy or cuddly. They both seem embarrassed and at a loss for words. Apparently, Buffy thought the movie was about food, but it was actually about something naughtier. "Feel like getting some hot chocolate, or some -- cold shower?" inquires Buffy. Angel practically writhes with embarrassment as he confesses, "It's been a long time since I've been to the movies. They've changed." Buffy apologized for getting Angel "worked up like that." Oh, come on, you two! A little Euro-porn isn't gonna make him pop his Angelus. I know they want to be careful about getting too intimate, but I think they could watch a movie and enjoy it without acting like it's going to lead to wild sex in the street right afterwards. Buffy manages to joke, "We can't actually do any of those things. You'd lose your soul. Besides, I don't even own a kimono." Angel admits that Buffy's mere presence is enough to, uh, sexually arouse him. I can't believe I have to even write a sentence like that. When a career counselor asked me in college, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" I never, ever thought to say, "Intimately chronicling the sex life of a television vampire." Funny the little twists life brings you. Angel continues that frustration is not the only feeling he has around Buffy, and I so do not want to explore where that sentiment could leave us. He enjoys just having feelings. Soft music plinks as they kiss. "Check out the lust bunnies!" exclaims the pleather-clad Faith. Buffy stops the kiss with regret, and asks if it's time to go on patrol. Looking a little skeptical, Angel asks if the Council has Faith "back on active duty." "Finally!" responds Faith, but actually there's only one episode between this one and "Consequences." Not one to enjoy sitting around twiddling her thumbs, our Faith. Buffy soppily bids goodnight to Angel.
Cemetery. Faith and Buffy stroll along casually as Faith congratulates Buffy on her "willpower" in her relationship with Angel. She laughs that she couldn't "handle, you know, the way [Buffy's] not handling it." Buffy seems on the verge of telling Faith to butt out when she spots a demon lurking and punches him out. The Slayers hold the demon up against a crypt, and he admits he was looking for them. Apparently, he's in possession of the Books of Ascension and wants to cut a deal. Demon-boy -- I'll call him "Chirpy" -- mentions that the Mayor wants the books too, and Faith looks concerned. He wants $5,000 for the books, and Faith is skeptical enough about the deal to make a move towards killing Chirpy, who courageously takes that opportunity to run away. Buffy says she wants to know more about the books.
The Mayor's office. Faith sits in a chair in front of the Mayor's desk as he recaps the story so far. Just in case we didn't all tune in before the credits, and therefore missed the fact that a demon wants to sell some Books of Ascension to the Slayers. Swiftly changing gears, the Mayor tells Faith, "I wish you'd pull your hair back!" He compliments her "nice face," but Faith just seems weirded out by his comment; she hasn't entirely fallen under the spell cast by his perverse fatherly vibe yet. Telling her she worries too much, the Mayor then pours Faith a big glass of milk. Hee. I loved that guy! The Mayor instructs Faith, who isn't drinking her milk, to kill the demon and bring the books to him. "And if Buffy gets to him first?" sulks Faith. Shaking his head, the Mayor admonishes, "Frankly I don't like to think about that. I like good, positive, up thoughts." Chuckling, he vaguely threatens her with replacement if she fails him and then cheerfully chides her, "Drink up. There's nothing uncool about healthy teeth and bones."
In the library, Wesley Windbag-Ponce is again recapping the "demon wants money for books" plot point. Geez, season three was great, and all but parts of this episode read like they were ghost-written by David E. Kelley. None of our gang is sure what the ascension signifies, but Willow does come up with a reference from some obscure text. Giles demands to know where Willow saw the volume, and she has to admit, "In the top of your book cabinet with the stuff you try to keep hidden." Willow that I loved, where did you go? Please come back for season six. Love, Ace. Silly Xander wants to know if the hidden books contain any engravings of "frolicking nymphs," but sadly, Willow says no. Leafing through the text, Giles finds a passage written by a pastor called Desmond Kane. In 1763 he wrote, "Tomorrow is the Ascension. God help us all," and subsequently his entire town was never heard from again. Ascension? Not sounding so good. Giles wants Buffy to meet with the demon (the one who has books he wants to sell, remember? Remember?), but Buffy is concerned about the asking price. And speaking of asking price, Cordelia chooses this moment to enter the library. Hah! Actually, I shouldn't call Cordy a whore, because we have no proof that she's ever taken money for sex, but, well, [whiny voice] Xander started it. To make a painful scene mercifully short: Cordy asks Wes out to dinner. Buffy and Xander smirk; Wes wears a look that screams, "Oops, I crapped my pants!" Recovering, Wes suggests that the Slayers find the demon and have him lend them the books, "free of charge." He's a demon, Wes, not a freakin' library! Don't they teach you anything at Watcher University? Buffy thinks Faith would be good at persuading the demon. I'll agree, if by "persuading," Buffy actually means "letting her fists do the talkin'."
We see Chirpy in a dingy motel room, preparing to get the hell out of Dodge. He tosses some stuff into a suitcase and then dithers about what to do with a fish in a small fishbowl. When I was discussing this episode with Sep, I was all sad about how Chirpy's little pet fish had humanized him and underscored the grimness of how Faith handles him, but that cynical Sep suggested that the tiny pet was actually just his meal. ["Whatever. Fish are lame pets. Everyone knows they have no feelings." -- Sep] Folks, that's why she's evil and I'm just cranky. Faith crashes down the door and demands the books. When Chirpy asks if she brought the money, Faith responds by belting him across the face. Chirpy directs Faith to a pile of books on the bed and allows that the five-thousand-dollar fee might be negotiable. Muttering, "I don't like to haggle," Faith pulls out a knife and stabs Chirpy in the gut. Boy, I'll have to try that approach at the yard sale I attend. Seems to get results. She turns back to collect the books, but Chirpy grabs her leg and they end up struggling on the floor. Faith finally kills the demon dead. She sits up and stares with confusion at her bloody hands.
The mansion. Angel is reading, in very dim light, I might add. Maybe all the squinting this causes contributes to that furrowed brow and broody look of his. As he reads, mouth just barely forming the words, Faith enters the room behind him. When he turns to greet her, she tells him, "Look, I hate asking for help, but I'm asking, 'cause, uh, I'm in trouble." Angel seems concerned but not overly friendly; however, he does usher Faith into the room with an invitation to talk. As she wrings her hands, she tells him she's scaring herself, and references the little pep talk about the corrupting power of the dark side he gave her when he had her chained up in "Consequences." Holding up her bloody hands, she says, "It's not human if that's what you're thinking. Not that that makes me feel any better or this guy any less dead." Pulling her hands away from his, she backs away. Angel tells her she needs help, and they both sit down. Faith confesses she's scared of turning into a "cold-blooded straight-up killer like [Angel]." Shaking his head, Angel corrects her, "Not like me. I didn't have a choice. But you do." And because I advertised this recap as 98 percent Spike-free, I'm not even gonna touch that "I didn't have a choice" comment. See, I'm not touching it. I'm backing away slowly. Scared of ending up "dead or a loser," Faith starts to break down, worrying that it's "too late" for her. Well, you're not dead yet, and one out of two ain't bad, honey. She then throws her arms around Angel, who shushes her but then pushes her away. As they move apart, Faith attempts to kiss him. Ooopsie! Angel is flustered, but he very directly tells Faith that he's with Buffy. Withdrawing into herself, Faith glumly repeats, "Buffy." She tells Angel that he and Buffy are lucky to have each other, and gets his assurance that they're still friends. She jumps up to leave and softly tells Angel that it's nice just knowing someone cares. She then inquires, "Do you think if things were different that things between you and me would be different, too?" "We'll never know," replies Angel, which is honest and about as close as you can get to "no" without actually saying it. Faith kisses Angel on the cheek and leaves; as she goes, we see that Buffy is lurking in the shadows and has seen the parting kiss.
Later, Faith is in the nifty-keen apartment provided for her by the Mayor. She's telling him, "It's not like I wasn't trying, okay?" The Mayor believes her, but is surprised that anyone could turn down his Faith. Guess they forgot Angel actually witnessed Faith doing some non-erotic, non-auto-asphyxiation on Xander; that might turn a guy off of a girl. The Mayor then gives Faith a cheerful little speech about being a "bright, young, energetic girl," which is all very sweet and nice until you remember they're talking about him pimping her out in the name of evil. That's a father figure anyone could do without. "There more than one way to skin a cat," continues the Mayor, "and I happen to know that's factual." Beside me on the sofa, Frances gives a little shudder and anxiously begins cleaning her whiskers. ["The Hobe is historically not a big fan of that line either." -- Sars] Pacing, the Mayor expositions that since they failed at removing Angel's soul through sex, they'll just have to do it "in the most painful way imaginable." If he thinks sex with Faith isn't painful, he obviously hasn't seen her in the sack.
In the library, Wesley and Giles discuss the fact that their research hasn't turned up any results. Giles offers to contact the Council of Watchers, but Wesley insists that he shouldn't: "The Council isn't entirely aware that I'm letting you work for me." Giles glares. "Um, with me," amends Wes. "Well, I wasn't about to burst into glorious song about it myself," Giles says dryly. Buffy glooms into the office, wearing a somewhat attractive knee-length dress, tragically paired with flat-heeled, knee-high riding boots. She flops into a chair to Wes, who nags her that she and Faith need to locate Chirpy and the Books of Ascension. Buffy mopes that she'll go, and that she can't afford to wait around for Faith to show up. Blee blee, Wes wants her to take Faith along and muses that finding the Chirpy will be extremely difficult. "Found your demon!" calls out Xander, walking into the library. Apparently he "beat it" out of Willy the Snitch. Off of Buffy's and Giles's skeptical looks, he eventually admits he actually bribed Willy. Buffy starts to head out, and of course, Faith chooses that moment to appear. She wants to know where Buffy is going, and takes her arm. Rather pointedly, Buffy squirms away from Faith and says she'll handle the assignment alone. Faith doesn't give up, and Buffy gives in, handing her the address to Chirpy's motel room. Faith's face falls a little, but she recovers quickly and as she leaves she shoots a very calculated glance back at Wes, Xander, and Giles. Always with a firm grasp of the obvious, Xander asks, "Is it me, or did it just get really cold in here?" The Watchers look concerned.
Faith opens the door to Chirpy's room, and she and Buffy enter. Glumly, Buffy asks Faith what she did the night before, and Faith claims to have been patrolling. "No shortage of scum you gotta watch in Sunnydale, right?" asks Faith. "So I've heard," replies Buffy. Oh! Burn! The girls look around the room and spot Chirpy's body on the floor beside the bed. Buffy thinks the killing was "somebody's idea of a party," and Faith protests that perhaps Chirpy put up a fight; she then can't take the scene anymore and wants to leave. However, Buffy seems lost in thought and just stands staring at the corpse. She finally turns to follow Faith out of the room.
"Mint?" offers the Mayor. We don't see who he's addressing, but apparently the mystery guest was very hard to reach. As he asks the mystery guest, "Do you know why I've summoned you?" we see that he's talking to a purplish demon in black robes and a black headdress that leave only his eyes visible. The demon nods, and also nods to indicate that he can do whatever it is the Mayor is requesting. Finally, the robed demon speaks, telling the Mayor that deadly magic will be needed to separate Angel from his soul. The Mayor pops a mint and chews happily.
At school, Buffy and Willow are sitting on one of the couches, studying. Willow is concerned about Buffy's mood and asks if anything is bothering her. Insisting that "it's nothing," Buffy finally admits she's brooding about having seen Faith at Angel's the night before. She feels that the scene was rather "intimate." Willow is shocked but adamant: "No way. I know what you're thinking and no way!" Buffy reluctantly tries to agree, "You're right. Faith would never do that." With a look of disgust, Willow responds, "Faith would totally do that. Faith was built to do that. She's the 'do that' girl!" Obviously, Buffy doesn't find this conversational tangent very comforting. After a little more cattiness, Willow assures Buffy that it is Angel who would "never do that." "You're the only thing in the world to him," she assures Buffy. Ah, young love. Young, celibate, twisted, undead love. Sometimes I just sit back and marvel at how bizarre this show can be. Buffy wants to be convinced, but she frets that "Angel and Faith have a lot in common." Yeah, they both share a love for French poets, brooding, fighting evil and -- um, no, I actually can't think of anything Faith and Angel have in common. Angelus and Faith, maybe. Angel and Faith? Nope. Fully fulfilling her role as best friend, Willow again insists that Angel loves Buffy. "I too know the love of a taciturn man and you have to look at their actions." Buffy grumps, and Willow gets her to admit that she didn't actually speak to Angel about seeing him with Faith. Willow mock-bossily instructs Buffy to go immediately and speak with Angel. Buffy leaves.
Overcompensation Estates. You ever notice how Angel likes these grand, overly large spaces like the mansion and the Hyperion hotel? Yeah. I think there's something going on there. Faith stops by for a little visit. She plays it off like she wants to apologize. Angel is clearly uncomfortable, and when Faith steps towards him, he steps away, and Faith passive-aggressives about Angel not trusting her. She turns her back on him and Angel tries to empathize with her: "Look, I want to trust you." Faith turns towards him, something hidden in her hands. "Chump," she hisses, which is pretty much Faith's reaction to anyone who is stupid enough to trust her. She then throws some dark fluid that's probably blood on Angel's wife-beater. Angel looks upset and confused, probably because he's desperately trying to remember if you're supposed to wash blood stains in hot or cold water. The Mysterious Masked Mage from the Mayor's office steps out of the shadows and starts chanting, causing Angel to writhe around on the floor again. AGAIN. Is this the Angel Wriggling Chronicles or what? "Slayer Chronicles," my ass. Okay, so Angel is now ritually relieved of his soul, and I wasn't aware that that was possible, but at least it explains how we get scary Republicans. Angel gets up and whirls around to face Faith, all snarling game-face. The look on Faith's face is one of anticipation and fear. Angel grabs her and kisses her instead of trying to kill her right off, because if he didn't, the Buffy and Angel Angst Machine might run out of steam. Angel pulls away from Faith and backhands her, and then kicks her around again. He's talking all animatedly so we know he's evil. Unfortunately, Angelus likes to pontificate as much as Angel does. However, his speechifying is largely ineffective and not at all threatening, due to the slight lisping caused by the prosthetic vamp teeth. "But you know what botthhers me? You don't theem to be getting the big picthure here, Faitthh. Now, I don't know why you thurned me but I'm justht glad you did." Faith and Angel fight a bit until Faith finally gets Angel on the floor (and who knew Angel's abandoned mansion had such lovely wall-to-wall carpeting?), where she gets him to listen to her plan to hook him up with the Mayor by telling him how he can get revenge on Buffy. Faith and Angel smooch.
Wesley Windbag-Ponce is holding court with the rest of the gang in the library. Buffy seems concerned by Angel and Faith's absence. Giles recommends that Buffy do a little recon at the Mayor's office. He then asks Willow if she's been successful with her attempts at hacking into the Mayor's files, and Cordelia pipes up, "Excuse me, I believe that Wesley is running this meeting." Giles shoots her what I can only imagine to be the British version of a "talk to the hand" look. I catch a background shot of Oz (OZ!), who is looking off into the distance all, "Why the hell am I even on this show anymore? Hey, what's that camera guy eating? Does he have Fritos?" Willow explains that she's gotten nowhere, and Oz mumbles one of his three lines this episode, which is a suggestion to check the Hall of Records. Giles agrees that Wesley should take the group there. Xander opts out like a wise man so that he is spared the simpering twin annoyances that are Wesley and Cordelia. Giles stops Buffy on her way out to wish her a heartfelt "be careful."
Faith. Angel. Mayor's office. Faith is all wriggling and happy knowing that she's managed to fuck Buffy's life up. Mayor Wilkins mispronounces Angel's name and, well, that's just stupid. It's never a good idea to piss off a vampire. Unless you're invincible, I guess. Blah blah testosterone posturing between Angel and the Mayor. Angel menacingly slides a letter opener off the big kahuna's desk. The Mayor makes banter-y small talk and notices Angel's fixation with the letter opener. Angel deadpans that he was considering stabbing the Mayor through the heart with it, and Wilkins spreads his arms wide, inviting him to do just that. Angel throws it; the Mayor blocks it with his hand, and then pulls the letter opener out of his palm as the wound instantly closes. Angel looks all surprised because he isn't used to CGI special effects. They didn't even have computers back in his day. Now that the male territorial marking is out of the way, the Mayor asks after Angel's "intentions." Angel: "Well, gee, sir, I thought I'd find that Slayer who's giving you so much trouble and torture, maim, and kill her." The Mayor is pleased with this plan, but warns Angelus to take it slow because they don't want another Slayer called right away. Faith and Angel depart after the Mayor takes Angel aside and asks him to have Faith home by eleven. Aw, man! Everyone knows that the good torturing and maiming doesn't even start until after midnight! The Mayor sniffs after them, "She's not a little girl anymore."
Xander walks through the streets of Sunnydale, hatefully mimicking Cordelia's compliments for Wesley, and comes across Angel and Faith striding down the street on their way to do evil. He tries to talk to them but is dropped to the ground by an offhand punch from Angel. Not even breaking stride, Angel mutters to Faith, "That guy just bugs me." Hee! Poor Xander and all, but that's probably one of my favorite scenes in this episode.
Summers's home. Joyce opens the door to Faith and Angel. The hairs on the back of my neck start to rise, because Angel is acting sooooo rico y suave, and I just know that something terrible is going to happen any moment, but then Angel merely compliments Joyce's new highlights, and he and Faith go upstairs to find Buffy. It's kinda sad that Angel has better social skills when he's pretending to be Angelus.
Buffy's room. Apparently, break-and-enter-y clothing is a black long-sleeved shirt with a sparkly Union Jack on it. Oh, yeah. That's good. Wear something that'll be sure to pick up any stray beams of light. Buffy is packing a bag of weapons, but Faith claims that they have the books and they're going to take them to Giles. They start to head out, but Angel relieves Buffy of her bag of tricks with, "Let me get those for you." I don't care how many times I've seen this episode -- that still makes me shiver.
Overcompensation Estates. Buffy asks where the books are. Angel stands by the fire, saying, "Actually, there's a slight change in plan, Buff." Buffy picks up on the unusual moniker and asks what's wrong with Angel. This is just like that time on Beverly Hills, when David knew that Donna was being held at knifepoint by a potential rapist because she called him "Davey" instead of David. Only a billion, trillion kajillion times better and not at all hokey. Angel turns towards her in game face and reveals that he isn't Angel at all but ANGELUS. Da da dum! Buffy does a very credible job of seeming scared and surprised. She backs away, and with real worry in her voice tells Faith that it's time for them to hit the road. She turns to find a smiling, two-faced, turncoat Faith blocking the exit. Angelus knocks Buffy unconscious with a punch. I flinch, because I'm an over-empathetic weenie.
Hall of Records, presumably. Oz has found something in one of the many photo albums that has been left lying around, and shows Willow a very old picture of the Mayor. Willow: "Whoa. Like father like son." Oz: "How about like exact same guy like exact same guy." Wesley instantly concludes that the Mayor isn't human. Like thanks for the newsflash, you prissy little fop. Enter Xander to recount his adventures with Faith and Angel and basically say, "I told you so." He informs the gang that Angel's soul-o-meter is hovering on empty these days, and sticks the blame squarely on Wesley because of Faith's involvement.
Buffy comes to in the Overcompensation Estates, chained to the wall. She tries to talk some sense into Faith. God, I really need to take a break. This entire episode is comprised entirely of Angel and Faith blab blibbedy blabbing. I don't think I should be required to pay attention to any characters that aren't still on the show and whom, frankly, I never cared for very much. Okay. So Faith talks about her unhappy childhood and makes out with Angel in front of Buffy before revealing her "toys" -- instruments of torture. She caresses Buffy's face with one of her toys and gets all in her face: "Before we get started, I just want you to know: if you're a screamer? Feel free." Buffy wants to know why Faith turned to the dark side. It boils down to the fact that Faith feels really unappreciated because she's just been so good and put upon, but nobody ever recognizes that because in Sunnydale it's all Buffy, all the time. In short, Faith is delusional. Faith gets more and more worked up by her tirade, revealing that she's jealous of everything -- that Buffy has a mom, a Watcher, friends. She winds up with, "You think you're better than me? Do you? Say it! You think you're better than me!?" Buffy quietly points out that she is better than Faith, because she didn't have to resort to magic to get Angel's attention and the only way for Faith to best her was to first tie her up. This is too much for Faith, and she backhands Buffy before stabbing the wall behind her. Faith gets loose-lipped and reveals all of the Mayor's plans for the Ascension, warning, "All your little lame-ass friends are going to be kibbles 'n' bits. Think about that when your boyfriend's cuttin' into you." Cree. Pee. Faith is severely fucked up. No two ways to look at it. Buffy mournfully says that she wasn't aware of Faith's rage. "What can I say? I'm the world's best actor," smirks Faith. "Second best," deadpans Angel from behind her. Faith spins in slow motion (so the realization has time to catch up. It's only a 45-minute show, people. We can't wait around all day for Faith to get it) to look at Angel. Buffy divulges that she's been in on it the whole time, revealing her free hands to Faith with, "Psych!" At this point, the Scooby brigade enters. Under the assumption that Angel has turned, they try to deal with him while Buffy and Faith tussle until they each have a knife at the other's throat. Faith tries to play it off as though being like her is some enviable state with her "kill me, become me" bullshit, and then she runs out, but not before dropping a big slurpy smooch on Buffy's forehead. Willow runs over to Buffy to ask if she's okay, and she doesn't answer, just shoots a look at Angel.
Library. Mysterious Masked Mage tells Giles, "The debt to you is now paid in full. Do not call upon me again," and then fades into thin air. I wish I could do that. Awfully handy. Willow wants to know to which debt he was referring, and Giles mentions that he introduced the Masked Mage to his wife. Poor Giles. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Although I bet he looks just scrumptious in peach taffeta. So I guess we're supposed to buy that the Mayor contacted the Masked Mage, the Masked Mage contacted Giles, and then Giles cooked up a plan with the Mage, Buffy, and Angel to foil the Mayor's plan. It was fun the first time I saw this episode, but upon re-watching, I really don't buy that there was time for all the machinations to take place. At what point did Giles talk to Buffy about all this? It has to have been before Buffy had the talk about taciturn men with Willow at school, in which case Buffy was very much misrepresenting the source of her angst to Willow, which upsets me. Wesley protests the "dangerous charade," but nobody listens to him. In short, all is well in the world. Wes stomps off to take his toys and go home, and the gang discusses the Ascension.
Faith's apartment. The Mayor is trying to console an upset Faith with promises that, after he ascends, there won't be enough of the gang left to fill a pothole. Faith doesn't seem overly cheered by this prospect. The Mayor notices and leans in close to tell her, "Okey-dokey. I've got two words that are going to take all the pain away." Gleeful dramatic pause. "Miniature. Golf." Faith cracks up in spite of herself. Ah, I miss the Mayor.
Overcompensation Estates. Buffy comes by to break up with Angel a little. It's all angsty, but since they've been broken up for about three years now, I just can't seem to care. She walks out, and Angel calls after her, "Still my girl?" Buffy looks back at him: "Always." Countdown to "always" in T minus five episodes.