Couch Baron
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Okay, I'm back in New York for a week, so I figured I'd jump back to Season Three. It makes sense to me. Shut up.
Mansion. The camera slowly pans left to reveal some fruit, water, and bread on a tray on the floor. In front of it, Buffy is knocked hard to the ground by another fruit, namely Angel. She flips him over, and they both get to their feet. He comes at her, but she dodges his attack. She misses him with a spinning crescent kick, but uses the momentum to go into a very cool foot sweep, which drops him. She grabs a loaf of French bread off the tray, rolls over, and mock-stakes him. Angel smiles, "Right in the heart." Buffy: "Satisfied?" Angel's face falls. "I'm not sure that's the word." Blech. First of all, the bread brings to mind unpleasant thoughts of clichd romantic movies in which a protagonist always has a baguette or something similar sticking out of a grocery bag. And, worse, did they need to be so anvilicious with the phallic symbol? We know they want to have sex but can't. It was the lesson of the biggest story arc of the show. We. Get. It. Leave us alone. Buffy awkwardly babbles that they're "not having satisfaction in the personal sense," and although I'll bitch about it later, I can right now appreciate that we won't be seeing Angel after this scene. Buffy says that Giles is waiting for her. Angel continues with the awkwardness, asking if he's going to see her the coming weekend. He figures she has plans, since it's her birthday. She says that she does indeed have plans, and he awkwards, "A date?" Buffy says yes, and that it's with an "older man. Very handsome. Likes it when I call him 'Daddy.'" Angel happily notes that she's referring to her father, but his face falls again. "It is your father, right?" His delivery gets a grudging "heh." Buffy says yes, that they're going to the ice show, and that she could use some fun. Well, let's serve you up a heapin' helpin' of fun, then!
Buffy, in the library, stares at a good-sized crystal hanging from a chain. She correctly identifies it as an amethyst, but when Giles asks for its uses, comes up with: "Breath mints?" He corrects her. One of the uses is the cleansing of auras, which prompts Buffy to ask how one knows if one's aura is dirty. Giles sniffs that studying "vibratory stones" is part of her training, and asks her to get her head in the game. Not touching "vibratory stones." Although if Faith knew they were part of the training, maybe she would have shown up. Okay, I touched them. Buffy apologizes, explaining that since Faith is on one of her "unannounced walkabouts" (which sounds like a really good spin-off), she feels like she should be patrolling. Giles lectures her some more, telling her to concentrate. He seems to be finding her excessively tiresome. Could that be some sort of defense mechanism? He asks why she's so anxious, and she says she just has some "energy to burn."
“ He grabs her hands and points her stake toward her heart, snarling, 'Let me know if I'm not doing this right.' If only boys always said that to girls, a lot of my female friends would be much happier. ”
Irony: Pretty clever, huh? First Buffy says she could use some fun, when we all know she's not going to have any. Then she says she has energy to burn, when she's about to lose her powers. Get it?
Couch Baron: Dude, I'm warning you. Get out of here.
Irony: Why? What are you gonna do if I don't?
Couch Baron: I'm not going to do anything. But Demian's supposed to be stopping by. I think he'd love to have a conversation with you about your work, or lack thereof, on Charmed. I've never seen his bitchcraft live, so it'll be a treat to watch.
Irony, as someone knocks on the door: Where's the fire escape?
A vamp crashes down the slide in a playground. Buffy runs down after him and sasses, "That was really funny-looking. Could you do it again?" He threatens to kill her. She sasses him some more, then beats on him. She gets her stake ready and moves forward, but seems suddenly to experience severe disorientation. The vamp takes advantage of the opportunity to throw her onto a picnic table. She falls to the ground, and he's quickly on top of her. He grabs her hands and points her stake toward her heart, snarling, "Let me know if I'm not doing this right." If only boys always said that to girls, a lot of my female friends would be much happier. Any comment, Sars? ["I think you've got it, dude." -- Sars] Buffy looks like she thinks she's about to be the deadest dead woman in Deadonia. Credits.
Buffy struggles to keep the stake from piercing her chest. She manages to head-butt the vamp and throw him off, then crawls to grab the stake, which has flown from her hand. The vamp leaps for her, but she holds up the stake in time, dusting him. She has trouble getting up, and looks wigged.
School. Giles walks into the library as Buffy is throwing something. She tells him something's wrong. She's been throwing knives at a bull's-eye target, and not one has come even close to the center. She informs him of the events of the prior evening, and says her game is so far off the mark that it's "left the country." Giles, without looking her in the eye, speculates that she might be coming down with something. She doesn't want to hear that, as it might interfere with her plans with her dad. I'm sure she'll be thrilled when that problem's solved. He encourages her to take it easy, but she says she just needs to train more. She throws another knife, and something breaks. Giles, his back to the camera, stiffens. Buffy: "I'm gone!" Giles: "Thank you!" Hee.